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Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017


Rosetta

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@Rosetta

Hiūüíó

Thank you for being such a positive support! I know you have been through hell and still have lots healing to do! But your positive update is one many latch onto for hope, so thank you for that. You said in your recent update that your struggling with the depression, its chemical im assuming? Can you describe it? Is this new or something youve battled this whole time? Are the si, intrusive thoughts and si feelings pretty much non existent? Ive had some better days here for a few days and its been a blessing! Im able to get some sort of tiny good feeling when im with my kids or dogs. Able to look forward to the future but with that comes alot of fear of the symptoms intensifying and of course the awful feeling of not wanting to live and the horrible thoughts about life not being worth it. :( its torture to feel like you have a grasp on this and your life but be so scared of the symptoms youve been having and to be slammed back down again, but eventually it has to improve and not get as horrific again right? I mean the healing has to come. I am definitely "better" than 6 months ago but when im struggling its hard to see but deep down i believe i know it.¬† I just hope and pray the suicidal stuff dies down for me and stays that way here soon. I often wonder if we do get to a place that is more "comfortable " but yet still healing but we know it passes and we know our healing is coming but we our brains dont automatically go to the absolute worst? It has to right? I hope your weekend has been as pleasant as possible.¬† I am glad to see you are improving! Love and lightūüíó

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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4 hours ago, Elyssa143 said:

 

 

 eventually it has to improve and not get as horrific again right?

 

. I often wonder if we do get to a place that is more "comfortable " but yet still healing but we know it passes and we know our healing is coming but we our brains dont automatically go to the absolute worst? It has to right? I 

This is it!  I still have short moments of despair such as when I woke up with akathisia this morning, but they don’t last as long.  I don’t have SI.  I am so sick of this coming Back!! Yet, I’m going to do what I want to do today.  I don’t feel that I need to hide all day.  @Elyssa143

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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10 hours ago, IWantToHeal said:

 

I cold turkeyed myself from Zoloft about 5 months ago and can relate to a lot of the symptoms you've described., I noticed you mentioned that you had tardive dyskinesia in your original post. How does this manifest for you? And how have the symptoms improved over time? I am experiencing involuntary mouth movements and tongue movements with it and a weird twitch in my right eye. It doesn't happen all the time though. When I read information that says these effects can be permanent I get a little bit terrified to be honest.

 

Not permanent.  My lay opinion is that doctors think it’s permanent because they make prescribing decisions that intensify this problem.  They cold switch drugs, they add drugs in doses that are too high, they CT people or they reduce by more than 10% per month (or at least by more than the person’s nervous system can handle.). Then they see the problem continue or worsen.  Well, of course!!!

 

This problem has been worse for me in the ¬†past. ¬†I used to have pain in my forearm and horrible headaches.¬† I used to have my tongue pressed up against the roof of my mouth even when I was awake and conscious of the problem. ¬†I have regained more control and now it is only out of control¬†when I sleep. ¬†Not every moment I‚Äôm asleep, but a lot. ¬†(This has affected my breathing for many years ‚ÄĒ 16 years or more. ¬†You have no idea how angry I am that when I was diagnosed with sleep apnea in 2004 no one evaluated the affect Celexa was having on my body!!)

 

My eye is so much¬†better. ¬†No more twitching there. ¬†I‚Äôm not sure it‚Äôs completely unaffected, but it‚Äôs rare that I feel anything unusual in my eye or¬†my temple. ¬†If I read I can feel something. ¬†When I have my period I feel a tingle in the side of my face ‚ÄĒ sometimes.¬† I do not have the horrible headaches I used to have. ¬†There is no more numbness!!! My nose and face and even my eye used to feel tingly and numb. (So did my forearm and fingers.) No more. ¬†It slowly got better. ¬† At one point it was only if I read and used my right hand to type that I felt tingles and numbness. ¬†This is true now, too, but it‚Äôs better.¬†This tells me that it will eventually go away.

 

Don‚Äôt panic if it gets worse before it gets better. ¬†Doctors don‚Äôt know anything. ¬†If it gets worse that means nothing. ¬†Mine got worse after I CT.¬† Do not let that scare you. ¬†You will heal. ¬†These drugs¬†have been handed out without so much as monitoring those on them for these side affects. ¬†We were all guinea pigs. ¬†There should be piles of research, spreadsheets and searchable databases and tons of people working on this for¬†the past 30¬†years? ¬†Nope! ¬†There was¬†no research before hundreds of thousands were¬†all poisoned,¬†and there is still very little research now. ¬†SA is probably the best repository¬†of the negative affects of these drugs and the prescribing practices that harm people. ¬†‚ÄúAnectodal‚ÄĚ ‚Äúnot¬†reliable‚ÄĚ - ‚Äúirrelevant‚ÄĚ Hah!!! Well, it‚Äôs all¬†we have because the pharmaceutical companies and the government have no interest in researching this enormous problem, do they?!! ¬†It‚Äôs disgusting! ¬†And¬†there is my akathisia fueled rant for the day!

 

You will be fine as long as you are very careful. ¬†Unless you reinstate with advice from a moderator here, stay off almost all drugs except OTC painkillers. ¬†1. Don‚Äôt take anything psychotropic, 2. Never¬†touch an antibiotic known for harming the brain - I can‚Äôt remember the name of those ‚ÄĒ floroquinine-something ‚ÄĒ¬†there are several in the same family and one has the brand name Cipro for short. ¬†You¬†can look it up on SA. 3. ¬†Avoid having your teeth fixed during the use of adrenaline based numbing agents. ¬†There‚Äôs an alternative the dentist has. ¬†Insist upon on it!! ¬†Protect your fragile nervous system for several years. ¬†4. No Xanax, no pills to calm you for medical procedures, 5. no colonoscopy drugs to make you forget it all (roofie type drug), 6. no elective surgeries. ‚ÄĒ the last thing your brain needs is to be anesthetized right now. ¬†7. No street drugs, of course, 8. no alcohol, 9. no weed ‚ÄĒ you are too fragile to take the risk. ¬†Treat yourself like a newborn baby. 9.¬†I wouldn‚Äôt get a vaccine if I were you, either. ¬†

 

I haven’t read your story, but have you considered reinstatement?  It could be too late, too risky, but depending on your circumstances . . . You should make an informed decision on that right away.  Ask a moderator for advice.  Don’t just read the topic here at SA and go it alone.  It can backfire, but it has also saved some people a lot of misery.

 

Goodluck, IWant!

 

-R

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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@Rosetta Thank you for replying! I'm glad that the effects are not always permanent and that you were able to recover from the dyskinesia. I'm trying not to worry about it too much. For me it's a tension feeling in my jaw like it's always being clenched and sometimes my mouth opens and closes involuntarily and that has caused me to be self conscious because people who noticed it think I'm about to say something when I do it but it's just something that started while I was on the Sertraline and hasn't gone away since I discontinued. I really hope it eventually goes away. It doesn't happen all the time I've noticed only some of the time. Another effect I have is that occasionally both of my eyes widen. It turns my face into a shocked expression. It's really weird and distressing..

 

I've decided against reinstatement and I am going to just go forward with the withdrawal and hopefully things will get better with time. I'm angry that the drugs caused these issues in the first place and would rather not take my chances with any more pharmaceutical drugs as my trust in doctors has been completely eroded. I think it's a complete joke that these drugs are being handed out like candies when so many people have had horrific side effects.

 

I almost don't want to go the doctors at all about my symptoms because I don't feel I will be taken seriously and they will blame it on "depression" or a return of the "original condition". 

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IWanttoHeal, (I relied on your thread.)

 

Feeling ok this morning except for muscle tension and being tired. ¬†Slept late. ¬†That‚Äôs so rare. ¬†The alarm woke me out of a deep sleep ‚ÄĒ to pain from muscle tension, but I went back to sleep and took the munchkin to school late. ¬†Really rare to be able to do that. ¬†I still have mild morning cortisol almost every morning around 6:30-7:00.¬†¬†

 

I hope I’m not getting sick.  My daughter was very whiney all weekend.  I’m pretty sure she has a bug.  My husband feels it, too.  Yuck.  It’s better than severe anxiety though!!

 

I had some cramps in my intestines day before yesterday.  I think they were hormone related.  

 

My gut is much better these days.  Everything is operating well in there.  It’s such a relief.  I think being in Europe helped.  They have laws about what is in the food that we don’t have.  I suspect my gut healed quite a bit over the past several months.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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@Rosetta

Hey! Sorry to see you werent feeling the best.  I sure hope everyone in your house hold feels better and the bug passes quickly!!!

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Hey Rosetta,

 

I hope you‚Äôre well, I‚Äôm so happy to read that you‚Äôre improving. With every ‚Äėstep‚Äô comes an inch of relief.

 

I came to your post after searching a term for poor cognition or brain fog (I can’t remember the exact one hehe), but have been pleasantly surprised by your writing; it’s lovely!

I’m normally one to make light of a bad situation that I’m in, but you’ve made so without the need of jokes from the way in which you compose.

 

My head right now is feeling empty and rather dull compared to pre-one week of Zoloft, I’m terrified every waking second that I’ve damaged myself, or my inner voice will never be as loud; you’ve helped to quell these thoughts a little by injecting a little hapless optimism.

 

I wrote my intro after a month (I think) in withdrawal. It’s flat and somehow monotonous to read so for yours 10 months in w/d after 14 years of usage to be so pleasant to read (not pleasant circumstances at all) I hope you recognise your ability:)).

 

I want to go into journalism when I’m older, whilst my writing is returning somewhat slowly back to normal (still feels very alien from my old self), I hope to be able to achieve your level.

 

Thank you for the positivity, and ounce of relief,

 

Icip.

Early September 2019 - One 25mg dose of Sertraline taken.

 

Early October 2019 - Five 25mg doses (pills) of Sertraline taken for five consecutive days.

 

Withdrawal/reaction happened on the 27th of October (2019) in the evening.

 

Symptoms that have gone: Joint and muscle pain/weakness in my legs, phantom senses, chemical dread, chemical fear, DP/DR has gotten a lot lot better than what it is now, it was one of my worst and all-encompassing symptoms when it started, awful aphasia, parkinsonism, head pressure, pressure in my frontal lobe when trying to think/work out something, inability to plan or execute anything//feelings of being literally scatterbrained, inability to think in my head other than slight acknowledgements - the voice in my head sounded weak and 'small' like it was restrained to a much smaller area of my brain, constant fatigue, emotional numbness, constant eyestrain, and changes in perception of colour/contrast in sight.

 

Main remaining symptoms: Visual Snow/HPPD, derealisation, tinnitus, and brain/cog fog.

 

Drug free.

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Thank you @Icip  That is very kind of you

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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It’s been a hard day.  Emotionally.  Physically less difficult.  I notice that it’s often either or.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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@Rosetta¬†I haven‚Äôt been on much but noticed you were back. I also noticed you are healing‚ÄĒslowly but surely. We are getting closer. You should be so proud of yourself in this journey. Look at all the things you‚Äôve done‚ÄĒfor yourself, your family, and so many visitors on this site. Slowly but surely your mind will be what it used to be. Physical ailments I can handle, my mind helps me deal with those. I need my mind 100% and you do too and it will happen!! ¬†I‚Äôve seen SO MUCH improvement in the last 6 weeks. Of course I‚Äôm waiting for the next wave to hit but I know I will get through it. I always have even though it‚Äôs been challenging.¬†You are a warrior, Rosetta. Slow and steady‚ÄĒoh so slow. Hugs to you my friend.¬†
 

‚̧ԳŹ‚̧ԳŹ

Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015

May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely.

October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016.

 

Currently off all antidepressants

 

Current Supplements:  L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello Rosetta,

 

What good news to learn of your improvements over the past few months. The light at the end of the tunnel is not that of an oncoming train!

 

I hope you are adjusting to the routines here and don't miss t he classes and trips so much. Maybe you can take a  class here.

 

I am very sorry about your kitty. I know you must miss her terribly. Maybe you can give another kitty a loving home. I have a sweet little dog - he is 14. He can be a nuisance - but I couldn't imagine not having him. Sending positive thoughts to you and your kitty.

 

You are quite a good writer as @Icip said - I've mentioned long ago too - and so perceptive about this rotten situation. Research should have been happening for the past 30 years into this. 

 

Glad you are back and doing well.

 

Giulietta  ;)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Rosetta, 

 

I’m so very happy that you’re seeing some improvements, that’s wonderful news. 
 

Sending hugsūü§ó

Been on antipsychotics, benzos, antidepressants and painkillers for chronic pain. 

Been cold turkeyed and put on and off all sorts of things. Was suicidal n ended up in a psych ward because I had akathisia from withdrawals. Can’t remember what I was put on but when I was released was in the same predicament with severe akathisia n was suicidal again.

Back to the ward and was given different meds. Tapered off one and have been trying to taper off Seroquel since. It’s been many, many years of tapering so far.

I’ve  tapered from 300mg of Seroquel to 7.5mg./ March 10 2019=7.25mg / 17th of April=7 mg / June 5th=6.75mg/ July 14th=6.50mg/ August 28=6.25mg/ 10th of Oct= 6.20mg/ October 21=6mg/ December 16=5.80mg/.   January 21 2020=5.60mg/April 2=5.40g/ May 29=5.20mg/ August 14= 5mg/ September 29=4.80mg/ Jan 31, 2021=4.60 mg/ April 24=4.40mg

 

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. These are my own views based on what I’ve experienced myself.

 

 

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@Sheera @Guilietta  @Carmie  Thanks for your posts.  It’s nice to see the messages.

 

This month I will post a ‚Äúthree years¬†off the drugs‚Ä̬†update!!!! ¬†Here‚Äôs a preview. ¬†In just a week it will be 3 years since I finished a ‚Äútaper‚ÄĚ (what I THought was a taper!). ¬†It was a CT,¬†of course. ¬†I tried to properly taper 150 mg of Zoloft from December of 2015 through February of 2016. ¬†(Oh, how wrong I was about tapering this trash.) ¬†I also quit occasional use of Xanax (as needed) all of¬†which resulted in a prescription for Trazodone that I took for several weeks before my husband discovered it was an antidepressant. ¬†I quit Trazodone CT, too.

 

At the moment, I’m still feeling down a fair amount, but I am not prevented from doing what I need to do day to day very often.  That’s amazing.   I don’t post much  because I don’t feel that I have much that is positive to say, and that’s simply not true.  There is some anhedonia, and there are depressive symptoms still hanging around. Honestly, it’s not terrible.  It’s really not.  There is no SI.  The anxiety is manageable.  I have to remind myself how much I have healed because I want to be living life at 100 mph, and I can’t.  I want to clear out the clutter and invite people over, but I can’t just yet.  So, I think I’m feeling some sadness over that.

 

I take for granted that I am ‚Äúsaved‚ÄĚ sometimes. ¬†I am saved ‚ÄĒ my life has been saved by this website. ¬†Knowing that the constant anxiety ‚ÄĒ that the akathisia ‚ÄĒ would someday disappear saved my life!! ¬†Thank you, Altostrata, Jan Carol, Gridley, and so many other moderators who sheparded me through the last 2 1/2 years. ¬†You save lives everyday. ¬†THANK YOU!!

 

The last 2 days I had muscle tension in my LEFT shoulder and neck. ¬†It came and went. ¬†It‚Äôs worse near bedtime. ¬†I used ibuprofen and¬†heat. ¬†My right leg is still cramping some ‚ÄĒ my toes ‚ÄĒ my calf. ¬†Off and on dystonia. ¬†It tracks with ovulation and menses. ¬†It‚Äôs lovely to be allergic to one‚Äôs¬†own hormones, isn‚Äôt it? ¬†I‚Äôm still having issue with my tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth while I sleep. I‚Äôm using a CPAP machine. ¬†I wake up with a headache if I don‚Äôt.

 

Hang in there, everyone.  You will get your life back even if you CT’d, but DON’T CT whatever you do if you are still on the drugs.  Waaay too risky.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Moderator
17 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

THANK YOU!!

Thank YOU for this great update, Rosetta.  You have truly turned the corner.  I am thrilled for you.  I know you still have some issues, but, really, you sound like a new person.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover + change to one 18.75mg dose, w/1 month hold.

Feb. 9, 2021, begin 10% every 4 weeks taper.  Current dose as of May 18: 11.7mgai.  Taper is 37.6% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 16mgai (44mgpw).  Aug 2016, discovered SA, holding at 16mg.  Taper is 78% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg.


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

What a fabulous update Rosettaūüß°

Been on antipsychotics, benzos, antidepressants and painkillers for chronic pain. 

Been cold turkeyed and put on and off all sorts of things. Was suicidal n ended up in a psych ward because I had akathisia from withdrawals. Can’t remember what I was put on but when I was released was in the same predicament with severe akathisia n was suicidal again.

Back to the ward and was given different meds. Tapered off one and have been trying to taper off Seroquel since. It’s been many, many years of tapering so far.

I’ve  tapered from 300mg of Seroquel to 7.5mg./ March 10 2019=7.25mg / 17th of April=7 mg / June 5th=6.75mg/ July 14th=6.50mg/ August 28=6.25mg/ 10th of Oct= 6.20mg/ October 21=6mg/ December 16=5.80mg/.   January 21 2020=5.60mg/April 2=5.40g/ May 29=5.20mg/ August 14= 5mg/ September 29=4.80mg/ Jan 31, 2021=4.60 mg/ April 24=4.40mg

 

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. These are my own views based on what I’ve experienced myself.

 

 

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  • Mentor
1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

@Sheera @Guilietta  @Carmie  Thanks for your posts.  It’s nice to see the messages.

 

This month I will post a ‚Äúthree years¬†off the drugs‚Ä̬†update!!!! ¬†Here‚Äôs a preview. ¬†In just a week it will be 3 years since I finished a ‚Äútaper‚ÄĚ (what I THought was a taper!). ¬†It was a CT,¬†of course. ¬†I tried to properly taper 150 mg of Zoloft from December of 2015 through February of 2016. ¬†(Oh, how wrong I was about tapering this trash.) ¬†I also quit occasional use of Xanax (as needed) all of¬†which resulted in a prescription for Trazodone that I took for several weeks before my husband discovered it was an antidepressant. ¬†I quit Trazodone CT, too.

 

At the moment, I’m still feeling down a fair amount, but I am not prevented from doing what I need to do day to day very often.  That’s amazing.   I don’t post much  because I don’t feel that I have much that is positive to say, and that’s simply not true.  There is some anhedonia, and there are depressive symptoms still hanging around. Honestly, it’s not terrible.  It’s really not.  There is no SI.  The anxiety is manageable.  I have to remind myself how much I have healed because I want to be living life at 100 mph, and I can’t.  I want to clear out the clutter and invite people over, but I can’t just yet.  So, I think I’m feeling some sadness over that.

 

I take for granted that I am ‚Äúsaved‚ÄĚ sometimes. ¬†I am saved ‚ÄĒ my life has been saved by this website. ¬†Knowing that the constant anxiety ‚ÄĒ that the akathisia ‚ÄĒ would someday disappear saved my life!! ¬†Thank you, Altostrata, Jan Carol, Gridley, and so many other moderators who sheparded me through the last 2 1/2 years. ¬†You save lives everyday. ¬†THANK YOU!!

 

The last 2 days I had muscle tension in my LEFT shoulder and neck. ¬†It came and went. ¬†It‚Äôs worse near bedtime. ¬†I used ibuprofen and¬†heat. ¬†My right leg is still cramping some ‚ÄĒ my toes ‚ÄĒ my calf. ¬†Off and on dystonia. ¬†It tracks with ovulation and menses. ¬†It‚Äôs lovely to be allergic to one‚Äôs¬†own hormones, isn‚Äôt it? ¬†I‚Äôm still having issue with my tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth while I sleep. I‚Äôm using a CPAP machine. ¬†I wake up with a headache if I don‚Äôt.

 

Hang in there, everyone.  You will get your life back even if you CT’d, but DON’T CT whatever you do if you are still on the drugs.  Waaay too risky.

 

That’s  a wonderful update Rosetta.

 

¬†I‚Äôm very happy you are healing and moving on in the world. It was nice reading about you adventure to a foreign country while in WD¬†also. You did an amazing job thereūüėä

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal and Prilosec from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine

 Xanax 1mg three times a day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) three times a day to .003 grams three times a day.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

 

 

I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to post
1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

You will get your life back

 

Hello Rosetta,

 

Thank you for your everpresent encouragement - directly - and indirectly with your accounts of how you are coming along.  I am glad to see a summary of your journey. That you were able to live abroad - with family or alone - is a feat.

 

So pleased you have turned a corner even though you have some bugaboos handing around.

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

Link to post

@Rosetta

What a wonderful update and so well written! I am so glad to see you have turned a corner! I understand you still struggle a bit but im sure the next year will bring tons more healing youve come so far. I am "healing" and its not hell everyday like it was before. But i still struggle very much. May i ask what the si is for you? I get the awful intrusive thoughts (suicidal) but then i also get this feeling of life not being worth the struggle and "wanting to die" (chemical) it still scares me. But of course living like this even much more functional is quite a struggle still. I see u say your still down but its not horrible did your akasthsia go away? I really just hope the suicidal thoughts and feelings go away here soon ill be 2 years next month and of course my brain has always tortured me of never making it or being the one person who never gets better or that something else is going on. Looking forward to heariing back! I sure hope your still doijg well. 

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

Link to post

@Elyssa143  I know it’s really awful.  I saw that you posted something about mental akathisia.  Yep.  That seems like an appropriate name for it.  If doctors think aka has to be physical and a person has to be walking up and down the room constantly they are mistaken.  It has a very strong mental component I think.  Or if someone wants to come up with a new name for the mental part, fine.  The name mental aka works for me.  It’s Hell.  

 

The SI is the worst part. ¬†Mine was just like yours. ¬†Intrusive. ¬†My brain tried to make sense of it ‚ÄĒ to come up with reasons for why I felt it. ¬†If a feeling is that strong it must have a reason, right? ¬†Wrong. ¬†Now that I have perspective I think¬†of it like a hallucination. ¬†There‚Äôs no reason for it. ¬†The brain is thinking on its own. ¬†Just as the eyes don‚Äôt see apparitions and the ears don‚Äôt hear voices there is no reason for your SI except for the fact that the brain is malfunctioning. ¬†Yes, of course, you feel terrible, your brain is torturing you in other ways,¬†and maybe, most likely,¬†you have physical issues from WD, too, but would they be,¬†on their own,¬†enough for SI?¬†Probably not. ¬†At least not as often. ¬†Thank god it WILL go away!!!

 

Notice that I said my SI WAS. ¬†It‚Äôs gone, and if it comes back I‚Äôll stare it down again!¬†I know it will go away. ¬†I suppose you have heard of Stuart Dolin. ¬†His wife is an activist now that he died because of akathisia. ¬†Doctors die of it, too. ¬†But remember you KNOW about it. ¬†Those doctors didn‚Äôt! ¬†Isn‚Äôt that shocking?! ¬†They didn‚Äôt know it was medication induced. ¬†They didn‚Äôt know it could continue after cessation of the medication nor¬†that it will resolve. ¬†That‚Äôs, in my opinion, what killed them. ¬†They didn‚Äôt know that the nervous system must be treated very gently in order to recover and to avoid exacerbating the condition, either. ¬†No new drugs. ¬†They think they should try¬†new drugs until one ‚Äúworks‚ÄĚ (differential diagnosis such as on ‚ÄúHouse‚ÄĚ). ¬†That is exactly¬†the wrong thing to use. ¬†Differential diagnosis kills patients. ¬†They don‚Äôt know that. ¬†We do!! ¬†We can protect ourselves now.

 

My experience was that¬†knowing helped enormously. ¬†SA tells us it will resolve. ¬†Not when, of course. ¬†No one can say. ¬†The fact that you are seeing improvement means you are in the right course.¬†¬†You will be very close to the last day of SI without having any idea that is true. ¬†You will notice after several weeks that it has not occurred in a while. ¬†Then it will come back and go away again. ¬†Just like all WD symptoms. ¬†One day, like me, you will say ‚ÄúOh, it‚Äôs been a couple of months! ¬†It‚Äôs true. ¬†It‚Äôs going away!!‚ÄĚ

 

I’m not saying it’s easy to live through but you can endure it, Elyssa.  It’s very hard.  No doubt.  My best advice: Distract yourself.  Watch tv or read or walk.  Walking is really the best.  Walking doesn’t only distract you.  It helps the nervous system heal.  If you have support, and you do, you are going to have an easier time.  A safe place to live, food, clothing, warmth . . . that’s all you need along with the knowledge to avoid increasing the disruption to your nervous system.  

 

We are the lucky ones because we found this website ‚ÄĒ because someone made this website and maintains it. ¬†You will heal. ¬†You¬†just have to distract yourself from the aka, take it day¬†by day, hour by hour,¬†if necessary,¬†until it slowly lessens. ¬†I rarely have it, and if I do it‚Äôs very manageable. ¬†It doesn‚Äôt involve SI now. I‚Äôm prepared that that could come back, but I know it will go away again. ¬†That will be true for you someday.

 

The people who try a lot different things - supplements, new meds, changing dosages, missing doses, doubling up doses, that sort of thing ‚ÄĒ they don‚Äôt seem to¬†do well. ¬†You can‚Äôt miss a dose because you don‚Äôt take meds. ¬† That‚Äôs cold comfort for a person who CT‚Äôd but still ‚ÄĒ it‚Äôs one less thing to try to manage in our state of being. ¬†

 

Hang in there!! - ūüíĖRosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

I’m feeling sad.  I just lost my girl cat last month.  She disappeared while we were out of town.  The house sitter wasn’t her fav person, but I think she died.  It’s really hard, and my daughter is struggling with it.  I lost my 16 year old cat about a year before this cat showed up in my doorstep.  Eight months of diabetes treatment followed by pancreatic cancer.  He was my child.  I still long for him.  I miss this girl a lot, too.  It’s different, but still painful.  Not knowing is hard, but she couldn’t live inside.  Now I wish I had made her live inside, but she wouldn’t use a litter box.  She used clothes or blankets.  I couldn’t deal with that in WD.  I’m feeling really guilty, but I know I did the best I could.  I miss her.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
  • Moderator
1 minute ago, Rosetta said:

 I miss her.

My heart goes out to you, Rosetta.  It is very hard.  You fought and fought for your little boy, and I know he was aware of it and was grateful.  It's hard not knowing with your little girl.  You literally did the best you could being in terrible WD.  I remember your condition at the time.  Please forgive yourself.  She would want you to.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover + change to one 18.75mg dose, w/1 month hold.

Feb. 9, 2021, begin 10% every 4 weeks taper.  Current dose as of May 18: 11.7mgai.  Taper is 37.6% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 16mgai (44mgpw).  Aug 2016, discovered SA, holding at 16mg.  Taper is 78% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg.


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

Link to post

Thank you, @Gridley.  I was very sick, but it’s hard.  Thanks for the kind words.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Well, I had a terrible day.  I had no appetite to the point that food seemed disgusting.  So, more than no appetite.  Some kind of very intense anxiety about food.  The usual family dynamic that is quite dysfunctional in my husband’s family reared it’s ugly head, I handled it poorly and now I feel that life itself is completely and utterly worthless.  So much for no SI.  

 

This ordeal with WD has taken its toll on my relationship with my husband.  It is clear that he is very resentful and angry.  He said something very hurtful today.   I’m not even sure what to think.  I’m doing the best I can which isn’t very well.  I should have stayed home today.

 

I really can’t brush off an argument the way people who had real siblings and real parents can.  I don’t think my husband can understand this fully.  Maybe he simply can’t get it.  

 

He thinks I should be able to accept that he will make these mistakes under intense pressure.  He says he’s human.  Why do I hurt from his words forever?  I guess he really does recover more quickly.  He recovers.  I don’t.  I can’t handle these experiences.  They stay with me a very long time.  They really never go away.  I feel under threat.  I fear abandonment.  That makes him angry.   He takes it personally that I have abandonment issues.  He says that after 24 years he’s proved himself to me.  

 

Today as was a simple misunderstanding. ¬†‚ÄĒ¬†cascade of misunderstandings and odd¬†coincidences. ¬†I got very angry and assumed people knew things they didn‚Äôt. ¬†But the end result was out of proportion as usual. ¬†The years and years of anxiety induced anger on my part has made it such that our arguments get very heated. ¬†He says things that he doesn‚Äôt mean. ¬†Then he‚Äôs shocked that I take it so hard because he says I have said horrible things to him and he forgives me. ¬†The difference is that he is more secure than I am,¬†and he‚Äôs not alone in the world without me. ¬†Having a mother who has loved¬†him unconditionally makes a big difference.¬†

 

I feel very alone.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Dear Rosetta

 

I am heartbroken about the miserable day you had today and your feelings of being alone. I will write a thoughtful message shortly but saw  your message and wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and know exactly how you feel.

 

I have to handle a dysfunctional dynamic at home now before it becomes an issue - it's often like walking on eggshells here.

 

Big hug.

 

Giulietta

 

 

Link to post

Hi Rosetta

 

I have the same feelings about handling (or not) the types of situations you experience as well. It is painful. I am sorry you had a lousy day. I tried to put some thoughts down below after giving this a lot of thought and time. [I'm a slow thinker! ūüėČ ]

 

13 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Why do I hurt from his words forever?  I guess he really does recover more quickly.  He recovers.  I don’t.  I can’t handle these experiences.  They stay with me a very long time.  They really never go away.  I

 

This is a good question and one I would like an answer to as well.  These issues are everpresent in my life. I am not married -  I stopped dating because I could not handle the experiences you mention. I am now in my 50s.

 

I don't know why you (and I an do thers)¬† can't let go of the hurt (suffering?) and what to do about it.¬†¬† I feel misunderstood and wronged by¬† remarks of people whose love and approval I need - a pattern since childhood. They¬† don't know that things are hard for me (then and now) even though as you said¬† I am doing my best to do the right thing¬† in a difficult situation - and that I only mean well.¬† It is frustrating and I end up thinking badly of myself - even though I should be kind and compassionate and loving to myself.¬†¬† I hope you can be. ūüėČ

 

Learning self-love and self-compassion as an adult is difficult when you didn't  feel loved - at least in a way you wanted or could understand - as a child. I know this to be true.

 

Big hug. I hope you have a happier day tomorrow, Rosetta.

 

G.

 

 

Link to post

Thank you, @Guilietta  That was very kind.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
On 2/13/2020 at 5:38 PM, Rosetta said:

@Elyssa143  I know it’s really awful.  I saw that you posted something about mental akathisia.  Yep.  That seems like an appropriate name for it.  If doctors think aka has to be physical and a person has to be walking up and down the room constantly they are mistaken.  It has a very strong mental component I think.  Or if someone wants to come up with a new name for the mental part, fine.  The name mental aka works for me.  It’s Hell.  

 

The SI is the worst part. ¬†Mine was just like yours. ¬†Intrusive. ¬†My brain tried to make sense of it ‚ÄĒ to come up with reasons for why I felt it. ¬†If a feeling is that strong it must have a reason, right? ¬†Wrong. ¬†Now that I have perspective I think¬†of it like a hallucination. ¬†There‚Äôs no reason for it. ¬†The brain is thinking on its own. ¬†Just as the eyes don‚Äôt see apparitions and the ears don‚Äôt hear voices there is no reason for your SI except for the fact that the brain is malfunctioning. ¬†Yes, of course, you feel terrible, your brain is torturing you in other ways,¬†and maybe, most likely,¬†you have physical issues from WD, too, but would they be,¬†on their own,¬†enough for SI?¬†Probably not. ¬†At least not as often. ¬†Thank god it WILL go away!!!

 

Notice that I said my SI WAS. ¬†It‚Äôs gone, and if it comes back I‚Äôll stare it down again!¬†I know it will go away. ¬†I suppose you have heard of Stuart Dolin. ¬†His wife is an activist now that he died because of akathisia. ¬†Doctors die of it, too. ¬†But remember you KNOW about it. ¬†Those doctors didn‚Äôt! ¬†Isn‚Äôt that shocking?! ¬†They didn‚Äôt know it was medication induced. ¬†They didn‚Äôt know it could continue after cessation of the medication nor¬†that it will resolve. ¬†That‚Äôs, in my opinion, what killed them. ¬†They didn‚Äôt know that the nervous system must be treated very gently in order to recover and to avoid exacerbating the condition, either. ¬†No new drugs. ¬†They think they should try¬†new drugs until one ‚Äúworks‚ÄĚ (differential diagnosis such as on ‚ÄúHouse‚ÄĚ). ¬†That is exactly¬†the wrong thing to use. ¬†Differential diagnosis kills patients. ¬†They don‚Äôt know that. ¬†We do!! ¬†We can protect ourselves now.

 

My experience was that¬†knowing helped enormously. ¬†SA tells us it will resolve. ¬†Not when, of course. ¬†No one can say. ¬†The fact that you are seeing improvement means you are in the right course.¬†¬†You will be very close to the last day of SI without having any idea that is true. ¬†You will notice after several weeks that it has not occurred in a while. ¬†Then it will come back and go away again. ¬†Just like all WD symptoms. ¬†One day, like me, you will say ‚ÄúOh, it‚Äôs been a couple of months! ¬†It‚Äôs true. ¬†It‚Äôs going away!!‚ÄĚ

 

I’m not saying it’s easy to live through but you can endure it, Elyssa.  It’s very hard.  No doubt.  My best advice: Distract yourself.  Watch tv or read or walk.  Walking is really the best.  Walking doesn’t only distract you.  It helps the nervous system heal.  If you have support, and you do, you are going to have an easier time.  A safe place to live, food, clothing, warmth . . . that’s all you need along with the knowledge to avoid increasing the disruption to your nervous system.  

 

We are the lucky ones because we found this website ‚ÄĒ because someone made this website and maintains it. ¬†You will heal. ¬†You¬†just have to distract yourself from the aka, take it day¬†by day, hour by hour,¬†if necessary,¬†until it slowly lessens. ¬†I rarely have it, and if I do it‚Äôs very manageable. ¬†It doesn‚Äôt involve SI now. I‚Äôm prepared that that could come back, but I know it will go away again. ¬†That will be true for you someday.

 

The people who try a lot different things - supplements, new meds, changing dosages, missing doses, doubling up doses, that sort of thing ‚ÄĒ they don‚Äôt seem to¬†do well. ¬†You can‚Äôt miss a dose because you don‚Äôt take meds. ¬† That‚Äôs cold comfort for a person who CT‚Äôd but still ‚ÄĒ it‚Äôs one less thing to try to manage in our state of being. ¬†

 

Hang in there!! - ūüíĖRosetta

Hi R

 

Just looking st this post and an earlier one in this thread. You referred to some ‚Äúdepressive symptoms and anhedonia‚ÄĚ. You also advocate activity and distractions. While I wholeheartedly agree with this (why I tried to go back to work , despite feeling crap), the depression and anhedonia sensations prevent any meaningful distraction.

 

Does that make sense?

 

God bless you and your family.

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

Link to post

Hello Rosetta,

 

I have been thinking of you and hope you are feeling at least a bit better today.

 

 

1 hour ago, Snorky said:

Walking is really the best.  Walking doesn’t only distract you.  It helps the nervous system heal.

 

From your sage advice, dear Rosetta - walking or any physical action - using hands to do something - your brain has a much harder time to ruminate, etc.  on anything but the physical activity. When I make a concerted effort to focus on walking, coloring, whatever you do (or may learn to knit? )  I am better off. I can much more easily catch myself and bring myself back to my activity and not be thinky.

 

I found pushing myself to move as fast as I could from physical activity to activity like cleaning the bathroom, and other housework, yardwork, even if they didn't need doing - helped 'reset' until the worst passed.

 

Hugs and blessings

G.

 

 

 

Link to post

@Snorky  Oh, yes, that makes perfect sense.  Anhedonia is quite a different beast than depression.  They share the ability to make us vegge. Although I’m sure I experienced it very mildly prior to the severe WD, the anhedonia I know exists now is truly horrific.  I agree that meaningful distraction isn’t likely during intense anhedonia.  

 

As time passed I came to appreciate having anhedonia as a welcome relief from severe anxiety and akathisia.  It was good to have a break from the fear, the racing thoughts and the constant processing of what could go wrong and how to prevent it.  At the same time I was mourning the loss of time with my daughter that anhedonia stole from me.  However, those breaks from unremitting fear were helpful.  There is only so much of that that one can take.  

 

I watched a lot of tv and read a lot of books about subjects that evoke emotion, and it was strange to not care about the characters, but those activities helped me pass the time.  I’m not sure I recommend those because when emotions suddenly return with ferocity having seen all of that does fuel the fear.  

 

I’m sorry you are suffering, Snorky.  Guilietta has a good idea - exercise.  Everything seems pointless, but exercise has both short term and long term benefits.  Keeping your body engaged when your mind is out to lunch might help.  I would understand if you couldn’t get up to do it.  I couldn’t for a very long time, but eventually I was walking every day.  

 

What a mess, huh?

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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21 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

@Snorky  Oh, yes, that makes perfect sense.  Anhedonia is quite a different beast than depression.  They share the ability to make us vegge. Although I’m sure I experienced it very mildly prior to the severe WD, the anhedonia I know exists now is truly horrific.  I agree that meaningful distraction isn’t likely during intense anhedonia.  

 

As time passed I came to appreciate having anhedonia as a welcome relief from severe anxiety and akathisia.  It was good to have a break from the fear, the racing thoughts and the constant processing of what could go wrong and how to prevent it.  At the same time I was mourning the loss of time with my daughter that anhedonia stole from me.  However, those breaks from unremitting fear were helpful.  There is only so much of that that one can take.  

 

I watched a lot of tv and read a lot of books about subjects that evoke emotion, and it was strange to not care about the characters, but those activities helped me pass the time.  I’m not sure I recommend those because when emotions suddenly return with ferocity having seen all of that does fuel the fear.  

 

I’m sorry you are suffering, Snorky.  Guilietta has a good idea - exercise.  Everything seems pointless, but exercise has both short term and long term benefits.  Keeping your body engaged when your mind is out to lunch might help.  I would understand if you couldn’t get up to do it.  I couldn’t for a very long time, but eventually I was walking every day.  

 

What a mess, huh?

 

Hi R

 

Thanks for your insight. I think I’m experiencing elements of depression, anhedonia and restlessness. The first two are killing any efforts to distract myself. I’m actually forcing myself to go out on trips with family, which should be enjoyable and distracting, but not the case. We also have a park here with wildlife, which should tick lots of boxes. Have walked round quite a few times, but unable to draw any enjoyment from the experience. Desperate at the moment. The loneliness was easier to alleviate by engineering situations to be out. However, current symptoms seem to be overwhelming.

 

Thanks

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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Still having mood swings.  Felt absolutely awful night before last.  So depressed and hopeless.  Then I woke up yesterday feeling a lot better.  Today is fine, too, but the middle of last night was quite depressing when I woke up for an hour or so in the still of the night.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Moderator
1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Today is fine, too, but the middle of last night was quite depressing when I woke up for an hour or so in the still of the night.

 

I just wanted to note (as no doubt you're aware) that this mini-wave/window pattern is SO much better than pre-Spain.  Seems to me you are a textbook example of healing.  And, as he poet says, "The best is yet to be."

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover + change to one 18.75mg dose, w/1 month hold.

Feb. 9, 2021, begin 10% every 4 weeks taper.  Current dose as of May 18: 11.7mgai.  Taper is 37.6% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 16mgai (44mgpw).  Aug 2016, discovered SA, holding at 16mg.  Taper is 78% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg.


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Thank you, Gridley.  You are right, of course.  Being here is very depressing compared to Spain.  That isn’t helping matters much.  I’m trying to busy myself, but I’m not doing enough of the things that keep me mentally healthy.  I will have to try harder.  

 

My husband is very depressed.  That is reinforcing my own sadness.  He’s angry, too.  It’s so sad. I don’t do well when he feels a lot of anger.  This whole country is so angry.  Spain didn’t have this vibe.  Our possibilities for socializing have been shrinking for many years, and now we are nearly completely isolated.  

 

I’m going to try to get the clutter cleared out so that maybe we can try to make some new friends.  I’m not sure I can do it.  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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On 2/17/2020 at 10:53 AM, Rosetta said:

I’m trying to busy myself, but I’m not doing enough of the things that keep me mentally healthy.

 

Hello Rosetta

 

Can you "do more of what makes you happy"? I have this on my desk - next to a sticky that says 'positive expectations.' Every day I have trouble with the former. I am going to try this by setting a goal - a small one that I can be happy about at the end of the day.  When everything seems impossible,etc , - I look at the 'positive expectations' and tell myself it is going to work out! 

 

On 2/17/2020 at 10:53 AM, Rosetta said:

My husband is very depressed.  That is reinforcing my own sadness.  He’s angry, too.  It’s so sad. I don’t do well when he feels a lot of anger.

 

I and many others experience the same feelings - angry for example - or depressed or sad - it affects my mood tremendously.

 

On 2/17/2020 at 10:53 AM, Rosetta said:

Our possibilities for socializing have been shrinking for many years, and now we are nearly completely isolated.  

 

 

I posted a link below that has some decent ideas. One thing is to volunteer. Food banks are an option.

 

There are churches that have community suppers you can attend. You don't have to be a member to join the dinner.

 

On 2/17/2020 at 10:53 AM, Rosetta said:

I’m going to try to get the clutter cleared out so that maybe we can try to make some new friends.  I’m not sure I can do it.  

 

Yes you can do it. ūüôā

 

https://www.regain.us/advice/how-to/the-loneliness-epidemic-causes-and-effects-and-how-to-deal-with-loneliness/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hey @Rosetta! 
 

I just read your story and it’s inspiring! When did the Akathisia leave and the anxiety got better? I’m 3 months off. I have intense anxiety and this overwhelming feeling things won’t get better. Insomnia is also bad. Although I am able to fall asleep. I’m 2 1/2 months off medication. I’m thinking of reinstating for a slow taper but I just don’t want to prolong the process. When did you start to feel better from when you CTd?

 

also would you of reinstated if it was within 3 months? 

Example:

2018 - Started Effexor 37.5 in Janurary of 2018
2019 January, 2nd  - Cold Turkeyed from Effexor for 3 days. Reinstated on the third day, then stabilized(It took 3 months to stabilize)

2019 June - I switched from Effexor instant release to Extended Release 37.5 for better tapering. I tapered to 50% in 4 weeks before reinstating my dosage back to 37.5(due to withdrawls). I waited 2 months to stabilize but never did at 37.5

2019 September - continued to taper in to 25% on extended release

2019 October - continued to taper to half of the beads(18.75mg)... WIthdrawls were so bad I tried switching back to the instant release at the same dosage(18.75mg)

2019 November 28th - Discontinued effexor at 18.75 without anymore tapering.

 

2020 January - Just can't sleep, have constipation, low libido and still lack of full emotion

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I’m doing ok this week.  There are emotional challenges, but I have been able to bake and make meringue buttercream frosting today.  The frosting takes quite a bit of focus and tolerance of frustration.   It has to be done just right or the whole bowl is ruined.  There were various mishaps.  I was able to stay calm and fix problems and mistakes.  This is a BIG, BIG deal for me.  I baked because of someone’s birthday.  So, this was something I needed to do at a specific time.  That fact used to cause me quite a bit of anxiety.   

 

The return of my cognitive ability and lack of much anxiety are making life so much easier.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017

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