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Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017


Rosetta

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@Rosetta¬†so glad to hear this! & to hear that life is becoming easier! I look forward to that day! How nice it is that your able to bake, can you enjoy it? When you say emotional challenges withdrawl related or normal life? Im very greatful for you always being so positive to me and reassuring! Youve been a guiding light of mine since my beginning! I look forward to reading your success story! I look forward to the day I am experiencing more positives like youūüíó

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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You are welcome, Mimi.  Thanks you for being here, too.  Too bad we had to meet under such circumstances, but I’m glad we did. @Mimi79   Well, last night was a night of insomnia.  I was awak

Londoner,   You haven’t lived yet if you are 30 and you have been battling these drugs for 11 years.  There is so much out there in the world that is awe-inspiring. You can’t appreciate it b

IMPROVEMENTS!   I have big news! I took a NAP!!!  I have been falling asleep in the afternoons lately and waking up a few minutes later without a cortisol spike.  That was exciting news last mo

Hi @Guilietta  Thanks for the words of encouragement. @Elyssa143 Oh, there are definitely WD syndrome emotional challenges.  It’s also that my life shrunk so much during this ordeal instead of expanding or remaining full.  I still have physical pain from WD especially in the night.  My neck, shoulders, chest muscles and left elbow bother me a lot.  Last night I got up, took ibuprofen and heated my shoulder wrap.  Sometimes the pain is there in the morning, sometimes not.  Occasionally, it does not occur in the night.    

 

The cake is a chocolate cake made with butter instead of oil.  It has a chocolate ganache filling.  The frosting on the sides is Grand Mariner buttercream, and the top is chocolate ganache that drips down the sides.  Yes!! I enjoyed making it!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Sounds like you are doing much better than at the start of your ordeal. How long before you started to feel better. I have been holding for almost 10 months...on two different drugs, and still nowhere near stable.

April 2010 - January 2018: Zoloft 50-100 mgs (would go back and forth between these doses, mostly at 50mgs).

April - May 2018: Attempted to restart Zoloft for 6 weeks, made things worse so switched to...

June 2018 - Novemeber 2019: Lexapro 10mgs

August 2018 - Current: Zyprexa added for early morning extreme anxiety

November 2018 - February¬†2019: Lexapro 5mgs, then off since doctor said it ‚Äúwasn‚Äôt working if still having anxiety.‚ÄĚ Looking back I was probably stabilizing very slowly.

New Doctor reinstated:

May 1st, 2019 - Current - Zoloft 50mgs, 2.5mg Zyprexa 

 

 

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17 hours ago, Rosetta said:

 It has a chocolate ganache filling.  The frosting on the sides is Grand Mariner buttercream, and the top is chocolate ganache that drips down the sides. 

 

Sounds like a dream...is there any left? ūüôā

I really love ganache...and what an achievement to make such a complicated recipe even in the best of times...I can neither cook nor bake very well

 

17 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I still have physical pain from WD especially in the night

 

I am sorry you continue to have this. How often do you experience it and how long does it last - I think it is joint pain? 

 

 

 

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I Rosetta

I'm new on this forum and I think you had some experiences that I'm living now. I'm beginning my Mirtazapine taper and, since 3-4 weeks, I have some OCD like thoughts. I'm 40 and I've never had any OCD. In your story, I read that you also had some OCD caused by the AD. Did it vanished when you withdrawed?

Thank you very much.

2008-2019: various ADs at various doses, initially for anxiety related insomnia.

2015: C/T Paxil - GP switch me to Mirtazapine and Pristiq. 2018: Switched Pristiq to Venlafaxine (For tapering)

2019-01: Stopped Venlafaxine after a 10 months taper. Updosed Mirtazapine to 45mg.

Summer 2019: Fast taper of Mirtazapine. Sept 2019, down to 30mg, hit bad W/D symptoms, so updosed to 45mg.

Tried escitalopram 10mg, C/T after 4 weeks. Tried Buspar, C/T after 5 days.

Jan 2020: Second mirtazapine weaning attempt, but end of january, big wave of symptoms, back to 45mg Mirtazapine.

Feb 2020: 50mg quetiapineXR, CT after 1 week. 21 Feb 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization.

Quetiapine 25mg  PRN since may 2019, March 2020 stopped.

Mirtazapine taper, from 45mg:¬† 2020-10-21 43.88mg, 10-28 42.75mg, 11-04 41.63mg, 11-11 40.5mg, 11-24 41.6mg, 12-03 42.20mg, updose 2021‚Äď01-15 to 42,7 and holding.

Ativan prn since jan 2021. Became accidentally dep. March 2021.
2021-03-21 Ativan 0,29mg / 2021-03-28 0.28mg/ 2021-04-08 0.27mg/ 2021-04-26 0.25mg

Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Omega-3, D vit, Probiotic.

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@Giulietta¬†The chocolate cake lasted almost a week. ¬†It was so rich that a thin slice was all one could eat, but I still made myself a bit sick a couple of times by having more!¬†I almost always use a box cake mix even if I ‚Äúhack‚ÄĚ it with an extra egg, milk instead of water and extra vanilla extract.¬† This time it was Miss Jones Organic Chocolate Cake Mix. ¬†No hacking needed except vanilla. ¬†I got it at Sprouts, but some WalMarts have it.

 

I hacked a vanilla (white) cake mix a while ago to make a spice cake.  Before I added spices and molasses, I made plain vanilla cupcakes for my daughter.  They were really good.  Then, I added spices and molasses, and the spice cake was amazing, too.  Ignore the package instructions.  The sour cream is what makes this cake delicious.

 

To the box mix I added:

1 cup flour (all purpose) (121 grams)

1 cup sugar (100 grams)

1/2 teaspoon salt (3 g)

1 cup sour cream (125 mililiters/125 grams)

1/2 cup water (118 milliliters/118 grams)

3 (whole) large eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla (2.5 milliliters/2.5 grams)

(No oil, no butter)

 

To make the spice cake add to all of the above:

2 tsp ground ginger (4 g)

3 tsp ground cinnamon (6 g)

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg (1 g)

1/2 cup molasses (162 grams)

(Some people will miss the cloves.  I do.  You can add 1/4 or 1/2 tsp ground cloves (one-half (1/2) gram to one (1) gram)

 

This will have a mild ginger taste.  You may want more ginger.  I will add more next time.

 

Giulietta, yes, muscle tension pain.

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Three year update:

 

I haven’t felt like writing the 3 year update yet.  Three years off passed in mid- February.

 

I‚Äôve been through a wave the past week or two. ¬†I hope it has peaked. ¬†The most troubling symptoms were¬†muscle tension pain and sadness. ¬†There was some waking up in mild fear. ¬†The physical pain was quite¬†bad this past week or so. ¬†My jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, my forearms, too, and¬†sometimes my temples and cheeks. ¬†Some people complain of ‚Äúhead pressure,‚ÄĚ and I think this is a stronger form of that. ¬†My left elbow has hurt quite a bit. ¬†It feels like arthritis, I suppose. ¬†It‚Äôs better after I move it, but moving it causes pain. ¬†I think the tendons are being pulled by the muscles contracting so strongly.

 

Night¬†before last, (Thursday night, the 27th)¬†I woke up around about 10 pm, maybe, feeling quite nauseous. ¬†I had acid reflux, and I almost threw up several times. ¬†I had eaten a fairly good dinner around 4:30,¬†but it was as if my stomach was empty. ¬†I never threw up. ¬†Eventually, I felt it was safe to leave the bathroom and lie down again, and when I woke up later the feeling was gone. ¬†In the morning,¬†I woke up with no pain¬†and no muscle tension. ¬†I was still sore, but my elbow felt much better as did the rest of me. ¬†I don‚Äôt know what¬†that was all about. ¬†WD syndrome? ¬†My husband had eaten¬†everything I had eaten. ¬†It wasn‚Äôt food poisoning. ¬†Maybe menopause with WD syndrome ‚ÄĒ double whammy.

 

Today, I woke up without muscle tension, just soreness, but it started again after I did some reading.  It’s not painful except that my left elbow hurts again.

 

All that pain made me reluctant to write about all the improvements in my condition since the 2.5 year update.  There have been many.  I’ll write about them someday.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

¬†I almost always use a box cake mix even if I ‚Äúhack‚ÄĚ it with an extra egg, milk instead of water and extra vanilla extract.¬†

 

Brilliant! You are so clever to think of this - and get a delicious result.

 

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

still made myself a bit sick a couple of times by having more

 

I once ate one pound of chocolates over about 3-4 hours. They were so delicious. Yes, I felt pretty bad for hours....it was 25 years ago but the memory has lasted ūüėČ

 

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Giulietta, yes, muscle tension pain.

 

I see. Sorry about this is still hanging around. I have started experiencing more acute muscle tension pain and weakness this the past few weeks mostly in my limbs, jaw and sometimes neck.

 

I'm trying to do one thing I love this weekend but having trouble focusing...

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1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

All that pain made me reluctant to write about all the improvements in my condition since the 2.5 year update.  There have been many.

 

Our brains our wired to recall/focus on negative things rather than positive - as you probably know - so remembering/organizing the many improvements is hard when you feel crummy.

 

From previous posts there have been a lot of improvements - excellent for you - and inspiration and hope for the rest of us.¬† The light at the end of the tunnel is not that of an oncoming train.¬† LOL ūüėČ

 

Hugs to you

G.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

THREE YEAR UPDATE

 

Ahh, I have been without much pain for three days now. ¬†What a relief. ¬†I was starting to feel really down. ¬†I‚Äôve had a few nights waking up and being afraid around 5:00 am. ¬†Yesterday morning I felt that old familiar feeling ‚ÄĒ¬†anxiety ‚ÄĒ and starting dropping things, but with no pain, except¬†in my left elbow,¬†I went to the pool with my family anyway. ¬†We had fun, and it was good to get full body exercise. ¬†

 

It’s been a while since I had an emotional meltdown.  My stomach and intestines are working properly and don’t seem to be reverting to the old state of affairs.  Dystonia is rarely noticeable although if I try to stretch I can still feel the difference between my right and left side.  

 

My balance is better. ¬†Almost never do I feel light headed when I stand up. ¬†I used to go completely blind ‚ÄĒ black as night blind ‚ÄĒ ¬†and have to hold on to something until my vision returned. ¬†Once in while I have to stop and wait before I take a step, and that happened last week.

 

When I do have headaches they are not as painful as they used to be. ¬†They are not just headaches ‚ÄĒ they are muscle contractions in my cheeks, jaw, neck, shoulders, upper back and chest. ¬†They don‚Äôt extend to my right temple the way they used to. ¬†That was the most painful ates. ¬†I wanted to take my eye out. ¬†Now,¬†Ibuprofen does not fix them and neither does Tylenol, but they don‚Äôt make me wish for stronger meds such as codeine either. ¬†I do wish for muscle relaxers sometimes. ¬†

 

I would say anhedonia and depression are the strongest emotional issues I have now.  Anxiety is mild most of the time.

 

The pattern of pain or anxiety Bronx dominant, but not both seems to be continuing.  When I was having the muscle contraction pains for those (weeks?) days on end, I had anhedonia and depression, but not much anxiety.  

 

Being able to do laundry and dishes has been a nice improvement to my life as well as being able to leave the house without much anticipatory anxiety.

 

I can’t list all the symptoms that have improved.  I just don’t have the energy nor the desire to relive them, but I think I have listed almost all that are currently in play.  There are a number of holes, such as clutter, deferred maintenance, lost friendships, lost career (that is gone for good), I need to dig myself out of that appeared during the last 8 plus years.  They bother me a lot.  I know I’m not ready to face them all.   But I’m glad I still have my husband and child.  I’ll regain my health eventually, and, hopefully, my physical flexibility and balance.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Hey @Rosetta

I posted my 2 year update yesterday as well. Congratulations on your 3 years! I see many things have improved for you and that is wonderful but I also see you still struggle and im sorry. Im in the same boat. Also i can relate to the relationship thing. I  dont have many people besides my fiance kids my dad and some people from this experience. I do talk to people about dogs since ive gone back to raising my dogs but they dont know whats going going. On social media im sure I seem more than fine no one would guess anythings going on. The only reason I have social media is for the dogs. Which i am greatful to have them and be back to raising litters but its a 24/7 job. Its exhausting but im greatful to be busy and distracted. If i wasnt i dont do well not doing anything but honestly when things are intense nothing makes a difference just have to wait for it to pass. May i ask what the depression and anhedonia feel like to you? I have both. Its extremely hard to go through life with no positive feelings or emotions. I still have some dread in ny chest and definitely the intrusive si and feelings of not wanting to do this anymore i would assume si feeling. I often think of the future and think i cant do this anymore. But i try not to think so far ahead. I also worry about it being permanent or my breast implants which i plan on having them taken out but i never had any issues prior to my one yesr use of the zoloft. And i honestly couldnt go through such a surgery right now. I just worry ill never feel happiness in life again and only that life isnt worth it :/. I am glad about your other improvements i had similar symptoms.  I often feel like i should feel more greatful for where im at and not where i was but its hard when were still struggling. What do you do during the day? What did you do before this? Do you have any desire to go back to school or do some art? Hope today is a decent day. Hugs to you! You will be writing your success story here soon my friend

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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My last post was on Monday.  Tuesday, I had mild muscle pain, and on Wednesday it was medium strength.  Today, I was nearing oh pain free.  I’m sneezing.  I’ve been sneezing for at least two days.  I might have a cold.  I’m feeling ok mentally, today.  That’s always nice.  I’m so tired from the time change.  @Elyssa143 Ill have to answer you later.  I saw your update on your thread.  Hang in there.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • 3 weeks later...

Long time. No post.  I am doing ok, more or less.  Crazy times for us all, of course, with coronavirus going around. 

 

I'm having good days and bad hours instead of bad days now.  It's very nice to be mostly ok most of the time.  I have moments of unexplainable anxiety that I cannot hide and flashes of anger that I CAN hide.  Quite the improvement.  Since my last post, I have had a few hours of muscle tension pain on a few days, but not day after day.  There has been some confusion for a few hours at a time on a few days instead of day after day. For example, I accidentally made butter when I was trying to make whipped cream for instance.  I baked a cake with no oil on the same day.  I had put milk and an extra egg as well as a box of pudding powder in the cake.  It turned out fine, and I'm using the sweet cream butter elsewhere.  

 

I'm walking almost everyday.  I really hope the authorities don't close my walking place.  It's a road closed to vehicles, and I think it will remain open.  I feel pretty anxious by about 2:30 or 3:00 in the afternoon if I have not had my walk.

 

Today. I went grocery shopping.  I can cook now.  That is very fortunate.  I don't burn myself, and drop things, and get hopelessly confused very often.  I am still having hours of clumsiness.  It's as if the signal simply doesn't make it to my hand even mid-action.  I might pick something up just fine, but fumble in the next second.

 

I am still waking early - about midnight or two in the morning -- and staying awake for about a half an hour or an hour.   It's not good because I can't help but look to see what is going on in Europe.  What horror.  I'm worried about my friends in Spain a bit.  They are ok for now, but this must be so awful for them.  They can't leave their apartments much.

 

My left arm is still acting arthritic.  I'm trying to keep hope that it will heal.  My gastrointestinal issues are much, much better.  There are issues that I would not attribute to waves of I was not aware of WD, but they are not too troublesome and clear up within a day.

 

So, I think that, most recently,  my waves are lasting about a day or two, and I have a week or more between them.  What a difference.  I'm so glad to be living a more or less normal life except for some lingering, short waves.  I'm not having real periods either.  They seem to be mostly marked by severe muscle tension and gastrointestinal inconveniences, if you know what I mean.  I suspect my waves are milder because menopause is in full swing for the time being.

 

Today was the 14th day of no school here. We have had one week of everything being closed including activities.    I am having to homeschool because my child's school didn't prepare for this sort of thing.  Other schools nearby rolled out some sort of online school this past Monday, but I think I have pulled together the basics along with internet resources I have found.  Just yesterday, the school posted a 35 page packet of worksheets for next week.  So, we can incorporate that.  The administration is trying, apparently, to come up with something that the teachers will provide over the internet.  I think they have been hoping that school would resume the first week of April, but it is becoming clear that that is unlikely.

 

I am worried about @Kristine @Rabe and @neroli.  I hope you are all ok.  Thinking of you!!  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Hi Rosetta

 

I'm still alive and taking each day as it comes.  I think I filled you in on most of the detail in a response to you on my thread.

 

I don't post on the open forum at the moment - it's not something I'm finding useful to do.  Neither do I look at other people's threads as I cannot cope with some of the stories at times.

 

I do, however, hope that Kristine is ok and drop her well wishes occasionally - I don't know if that helps her or she finds it invasive but I do it anyway.

 

Hope you are doing ok.

 

Neroli¬†ūüíú

2006 Citalopram 20mg on and off to 2013.  April 2013 - July 2014  Sertraline, Venlafaxine, Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine v. bad reactions. July 2014 - CT Mirtazapine.  July 2014 - February 2016 Medication free, long term w/d.  February - July 2016 Fluoxetine.  Medication free, long term w/d syndrome.  2017 Jan physical breakdown.

2017 February - March Escitalopram, Nortriptyline instated.  Lorazepam, Zopiclone PRN.  April 2017 Lithium Carbonate 250mg 1 wk. 14 August 2017 finish cross to Diazepam 22.5mg daily, stop Zopiclone

Tapers:

Diazepam 

2017 21 August - 21.25mg down to 30 Dec - 14.5mg 2018 6 Jan - 11 May down to 12mg.  2 June updose to 12.25mg - holding. 2019 (0.5mg cuts) - 12 Jan 12mg to 28 Dec down to 10mg 2020 (0.25mg cuts) - 25 Jan 9.75mg to 29 Dec down to 6.25mg 2021 Doses at 5.30am and 6pm (different quantities) **May have bungled dose and accidentally took 1mg more for about a month (approx 7.25mg), so 4 Jan started again at 6.5mg; 19 Jan 6.25mg; 1 Feb 6.0mg; 23 Feb 5.75mg; 9 Mar 5.5mg; 23 Mar 5.25mg; 9 Apr 5.0mg; 6 May 4.75mg; 13 May 4.5mg

Escitalopram Dose at 9.30am - 10mg (tried twice to reduce by 0.1mg, got spooked by extreme fatigue and depression both times, back to original dose)  

Nortriptyline  2018 Dose at 8.30pm 90mg to 2020 1 Dec down to 72.5mg; 2021 70mg

 

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Ugh.  Lots of strong muscle tension and pain in my face and jaw today.  Worse if I read.  A real challenge to homeschool today.  I did get my walk in today at least.  Very irritable today.  Could be worse though.  These muscle issues should eventually stop.  I don’t get that hot feeling of being embarrassed for no reason any longer.  This is painful,and that wasn’t.  Of course, I had both at that time, off and on.  I’m staying hydrated.  Lately, for the last week, I have had heartburn.  I think it’s due to a change in my brain.  Normally, food doesn’t bother me with heartburn, but alcohol does.  Over three years later!  How anyone could say these drugs are harmless!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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@Rosetta

I do hope your doing as well as you can be considering healing and whats going on in the world. Your last update was rather inspiring! I am so glad for you. Its so nice to read that someone who has been struggling for a long time is now living an almost normal life and that the waves have gotten much better. And your good days are strung together and bad days are just one or two and lots of time between! Very encouraging for me! I appreciate reading this.  Thank you! I do hope your daughters school gets on track with the online learning although thats difficult too. Ill be 25 months on the 9th. Still really struggling but not quite as bad as it was. Hugs to you

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Hi @Elyssa143  I’m glad you can see that it’s getting better.  That is a turning point - when you can actually see that is true!  How wonderful for you!  
 

The pain lasted another couple of days and receded.  Now, I know I’m clenching my jaw because of the sensation when I wake up, but I’m not in pain at that time.  I can read without a problem now.  I’m still walking everyday.  I’m fortunate to have a park nearby that is still open for walking and biking.  
 

I‚Äôve¬†been irritable for a few days, and this morning, I had some mild anxiety. ¬†Other people might have called it medium or even strong ‚ÄĒ people who had never had WD induced super severe anxiety. ¬†Unlike in the past when I had anxiety everyday, this time it¬†was so obvious¬†that it was¬†fake anxiety. ¬†In fact, it was surprising that I had it! ¬†What a difference 3 years makes. ¬†I knew it would go away if I found something to do. ¬†So, I watched a tv show on Netflix. ¬†Sure enough, the anxiety lessened just as it always does. ¬†I was still a bit irritable, but I felt more or less normal after a couple of hours. ¬†
 


 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Oh @Rosetta this is so wonderful to hear. Im glad your park is still open for walking. Do you still have the dread, si or Akathisia?

Im 25 months now. I am definitely not in the hell i used to be in but it is still very tough. I make notes daily about my day so i can look back and see my progress and they're definitely is some! But its hard to tell myself that when my symptoms are intense. I never have had a full window. I have some easier hours or day and then back to intense. I always have symptoms just different intensity. I am very discouraged i still have the intrusive si, the feeling of not wanting to do this pretty much daily, the dread and Akathisia. But it is less intense but doesnt make it easier yet. I was hoping by now the suicidal stuff would be gone :(. I fear that i may be more damaged from being polydrugged :(. I have many other symptoms these are just the most traumatizing and tough. So many people say this stuff just continues to improve over time im really hoping it does. Groundhogs day is awful.¬† Hopefully by fall things will be much improved. I want nothing more than to make it and live. Hugs to you my sweet friend‚̧ great job on all your healing

 

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

Link to post

I do not have SI,¬†or at least,¬†I have not had it in¬†quite a while. ¬†Today was rough. ¬†I was very irritable. ¬†I wasn‚Äôt afraid or scared. ¬†There was no terror. ¬†That seems to be gone. ¬†My gums are swollen which is something that happens during waves or my period or both ‚ÄĒ I‚Äôm not sure which. ¬†

 

I lost it today in a way that I have not in many weeks.   I was very angry, and it was a crazy day.  My daughter’s school is really not stepping up to the plate.  I really hate homeschooling.  Then, I didn’t go out for my walk until it was too late and started raining.  I tried to go, but it started raining harder, and I gave up.  What a mistake to wait too late.  So, I still feel awful.  

 

My arms and legs ache, and¬†my muscles are tight from the elbow to the wrist and from the knee to the ankle. ¬†These muscles were always those in which I¬†felt¬†akathisia. ¬†I don‚Äôt have akathisia now ‚ÄĒ I don‚Äôt think, but I‚Äôm¬†not sure. ¬†If so, it‚Äôs not too bad. ¬†My jaw is tight. ¬†

 

This is like bad PMS.¬†¬†I have felt all day that everything is very difficult, I can‚Äôt catch a break, everything makes me angry and frustrated,¬†and I wish everyone would leave me the H‚ÄĒ- alone. ¬†I always felt that way when I had akathisia. ¬†Sounds are irritating, people are irritating, life is irritating. ¬†That‚Äôs the difference ‚ÄĒ it‚Äôs irritating, but just irritating. ¬†There‚Äôs no fear. ¬†There‚Äôs a lot of anger, but it doesn‚Äôt seem to be driven by fear.

 

@Elyssa143 I have absolutely no doubt you will recover.  You will get to where I am and beyond.  I’m sure of it!  I know exactly the stage you are talking about.  It’s easier, but you are still having intense waves that feel very bad, and SI is still there.  It still worries you.  You still don’t know how much more you can take.  You know it’s easier overall; you can see that we were right, but the bad waves still really knock you down.  You are going to make it.  You really will come to the point when there is no more SI.  Hang on!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Today is Friday.  On Wednesday, I had a very bad headache.  I’m waking up each morning in pain from clenching my jaw.  Usually, it relaxes after I get up, but on Wednesday the pain in my head and jaw was an all day affair.  My forearms and the fronts of my lower legs aches, too.  By bedtime, my chest and neck hurt.  When I woke up in the morning on Thursday, there was the clenching pain, but it subsided, and I’ve felt better since.  I think it was hormonal combined with WD.  
 

My mood is bad when I’m in pain, but otherwise, it’s not too bad.  I do have some anxiety in the mornings.  Nothing like before, but this morning I was very anxious about a rainstorm we are having that is flooding my property.  It was a little beyond normal anxiety about such a thing.  
 

I’m able to cook and clean now pretty consistently, but I still can’t do anything too involved.  I’m wiped out by homeschooling every day.  There’s not much energy for organizing or culling anything.  So, I continue to live with clutter.  I hate it, but I don’t feel afraid or overly stressed by it.  It helps that no one can visit me right now.  I feel less stress about the clutter.

 

Neuro-emotions come and go, but are less intense.  Really, the physical pain is the most distressing part at this point.  It comes and goes, too.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Hey @Rosetta

Hope your doing as well as you can be. Its really so nice to see you doing so much better. I know how exhausting the homeschooling is. I just tell myself, they have done great up until now. And to do our best, im sure they are not going to fail them you know?! I am definitely having easier times but everyday is still a struggle. I always have some form of symptoms.  Did you still have akasthsia around this time? My aka is a very uncomfortable feeling in my chest and automatically makes me feel like i dont want to live. Did you or do u still have the dread? Even on easier days its still tough my brain just always resorts to not being able to do this anymore. Even if my symptoms are a 5/6 vs a 10 my brain still reacts the same way. I do still have intrusive si but not as bad. Definitely its all still uncomfortable and tough but i keep telling myself in 6 months itll be even better although tight now it feels like this is as goo as it gets and i couldnt live like this. :(. I hope this weekend is as relaxing as possible  hugs to you!

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

Link to post

Yes, you‚Äôll be better in 6 months, for sure. ¬†I don‚Äôt have the dread, the fear, the feeling that I don‚Äôt want to live long enough to go through this anymore. ¬†That is gone. ¬†¬†I have the thought, ‚ÄúI don‚Äôt want to feel this headache one more minute,‚ÄĚ or ‚ÄúI don‚Äôt want to wake up feeling awful from muscle tension,‚ÄĚ but it is categorically different. ¬†I never feel that I want to die or that I‚Äôm going to¬†die. ¬†I do have worries that something bad will happen that are probably on the far end of normal.

 

Now, I feel much the way¬†I used to feel before I was kindled. ¬†(Regarding ‚Äúbefore I was kindled:‚Ä̬†I was in WD for many, many years ‚ÄĒ for¬†much of the time I took Celexa, but it got worse¬†in 2005, and¬†got even worse after the doctors switched me to Zoloft. ¬†The kindling I mentioned happened with each successive increase in the dose of Zoloft, in my opinion,¬†from 10mg to 150 mg. ¬†Then, WD¬†went¬†off the charts after I quit Zoloft in 2016. ¬†Taking Trazodone¬†after that made WD much worse ‚ÄĒ more kindling.).¬†
 

Now, I have bad¬†PMS - physical and mental ‚ÄĒ¬†but very little depression,¬†and the anxiety is also categorically different. ¬†It‚Äôs a new world for me. ¬†I‚Äôm handling this Coronavirus quarantine pretty much the way everyone else is.
 

I did have aka 6 months ago, and it was worse 6 months before that.  I still have remnants of that feeling in my arms and legs when I have my period, which is happening right now.  That terrible headache a few days ago was PMS & WD mixed together.  So much fun!!
 

Aka fades with time just like all the other symptoms.  You may have a particularly bad wave at some point, but the next will be better than the one before the bad one.  You may not see that is true until a few months down the line, but you’ll eventually see it.  There are times when you will feel as if you have regressed a lot, but the overall curve will not change (unless your system is re-injured).  The curve will be going up still; you will be climbing out at the same trajectory.  Hold on.

 

@Elyssa143

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Hello Rosetta,

 

I am thinking of you and don't get around to see everyone's threads all the time so that does not mean I don't think of how you are doing. I see you are home schooling. Is CA still on lock down or self-isolation? I am in self-isolation so if I had kids I would be home schooling too. ;)

 

I thought of you yesterday when I had a yummy chocolate cake - but not with ganache and all the details of yours.

 

Hugs,

G

 

 

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Yes, we are still at home and homeschooling.  We can go out to the park everyday if we walk here.  We do face time play dates. @Elyssa143 Mmm, chocolate cake!!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

I wrote this in response to someone who asked about my intrusive thoughts.


They are difficult to talk about.  They are mostly gone.  Time really does heal the brain.  There is no doubt about that.  It takes a long time, so it’s no wonder that people give up hope.  


I hope this is reassuring.
 

My intrusive thoughts were about bad things happening to me or my daughter.   Sometimes, it was my husband.  These were the worst.  They were also more common.  More about them later.  I call them daymares.
 

As I said, usually, there was a thought that another person did something, but I did have strange urges that were not difficult to control, thank goodness.  They were more so disturbing, and depressing.  At first, I was very worried.  After a while, a long, torturous while, I realized that I didn’t need to be worried that I would act on them in the moment.  However,  I would worry about them later, and I would worry that they would get worse or that I would act on one in the future.  After some time, I realized I was not going to act on them, but they kept coming anyway.  I started to relax after that.  They were just thoughts, and I wasn’t in danger of doing something terrible in response to them.  Looking back, I think my brain healed some over time, and whatever real danger may have existed at one time faded away.
 

What were they? Sometimes, I wanted to drive off the road. That was the most disturbing thought in terms of actual harm that was realistically possible.  


I had two¬†other types of intrusive thoughts that were upsetting: 1. That I was dying; and 2. That I would commit you know what. ¬†These two others were very abstract, and there was no basis in reality. ¬†After the thought, I worried I would get a disease like cancer or that I would drive off the road. ¬†Again, I¬†would worry about that sort of thing after the thought not that the ‚Äúvision‚ÄĚ or image in my mind was that concrete at the time of the thought. ¬†It never was.

 

I also had what I call daymares.  These were very concrete, and very scary.  They were nightmares while I was awake.  I used to say I felt like I was living in a horror movie.  They were about bad people  trying to hurt my daughter or kidnap her or that I would lose her in a crowded place.  She was small and would wander off, so that fear was quite real and within the realm of possibility.  I worried that my husband would have an accident on the road or a heart attack.  I think that’s very normal for anyone, but what does not happen very often now is that a movie like scene would play out in my mind of this awful event.  They were detailed and extremely traumatic.  Edgar Allen Poe sort of stuff.  It was uncontrollable, and emotionally scarring.  That sort of thing didn’t happen before I took ADs, and it rarely happens now 3 years after I quit.

 

I believe absolutely that you are experiencing an effect of ADWD, that it will pass eventually, and that you are going to be ok.  The trauma heals.  I didn’t used to believe that, but that was because I was living through off and on WD for 27 years of my life.  I tried an AD for the first time in 1988.  I quit for good in 2016.  It took 2 and 1/2 years for me feel that I would recover.  I still have intrusive thoughts, but they aren’t scary ones very often.

 

By the way, I had a LOT of intrusive thoughts that were mundane, boring, random thoughts about nothing scary at all.  It was bizarre I realize now, but after over 20 years, it seemed normal, I suppose.  It was not until I switched cold turkey or quit cold turkey that the thoughts were very scary.  That’s another reason that I think there are gradations of ADWD.  It can be mild enough that one has no idea there is anything amiss.  
 

Even a severe case of this WD syndrome  (a short hand way of saying dysautonomia) will end.  Dysautonomia is a condition that can occur outside of drug ingestion, but it’s rare.  Brain injury from trauma or tumors can cause it.  Quitting alcohol can cause it.  There’s a very good reason that my daymares remind me of the writings of Edgar Allen Poe.  The use of opium by many authors of his time resulted in a type of literature that we probably don’t recognize as the result of dysautonomia.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Rosetta....I can not tell you how important this post is to me!!  I know that Gloria has been, and continues to, suffering from intrusive thoughts.  She can't really communicate with me about them but it is so obvious she is confusing reality with what she is seeing in her mind  off and on throughout the day or night. It is worse some days than others.  It seems they are getting better but they are still happening. She has recently told me she sees 'ghosts' or 'dead people' or she is dead.  She also has been sharing about moments that happened in school when she got yelled at.  It all seems to scare her, or anger her.  I don't want to give up hope that they will all go away in time.  She is almost 14 months from jumping to zero.  Thank you so much for sharing this....again, I can not emphasize how helpful it is to me to understand what she may be going through.   Wishing you continued healing and health.  So grateful, Glosmom

2016 - Oct -Daughter started Risperdal (for steroid induced psychosis that never went away after stopping prednisone)

Nov - dose increases stopped at 1.5mg in Dec

2017 - Jan- weaned from 1.5 to 1.0 in 2 weeks then 1.0 to .5 in two weeks and then off. Feb. 3 weeks of increased psychosis, pacing, insomnia, other awful symptoms so late Feb  - Back on 1.5 mg Risperdal. May  - decrease to 1.25mg, two weeks later 1.0mg - symptoms started again. June - held steady at 1.25mg for 6 weeks and switched to liquid (3 ml syringe). July - started 10% taper every 3 weeks, October -  .8 mg, December - .7 mg .

2018 -Jan- 0.65 mg,  Feb- 0.59,  Mar-0.50, late April - .40mg, July- .36 mg, Aug - switched from 3 mL syringe to 1 mL syringe for more accuracy (her dad and i were not sure we were giving her the same dose when in between the 'dashes' on the 3 mL syringe.) Aug -.30 mg (3mL syr)/.44 mg (1 mL syr) difference due to med in the tip of both syringes). Sept- .28 mg (3mL syr)/.42 mg (1 mL syr). Oct - .16 mg (3 mL syr)/.30 mg (1 mL syr). Nov.- .06mg (3mL syr)/.20 mg (1mLsyr). Dec. - tip only/unmeasurable (3mL syr)/.10 mg (1mLsyr)

2019- Jan -.06 mg (1 mL syr), Feb- .025 mg (1 mL syr), Feb 27, 2019 - jumped to zero!!

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@Glosmom 

 

Its going to get better.  It will all go away someday.  It will seem like a miracle.

 

How¬†to respond? ¬†Well, I suppose I should point out that I usually knew what was real and what wasn‚Äôt. ¬†(Except for odors and sounds and other people‚Äôs motivations.)¬†¬†However, I could not square how I ‚Äúfelt‚Ä̬†with what I knew was real. ¬†Does that make any sense? ¬†It was very, very disconcerting, of course. ¬†My feelings included thinking I was being lied to or led¬†astray because what my ‚Äúintuition‚ÄĚ told me was different from what my husband told me. ¬†
 

By the way, I completely lost my intuition.  (At some point, I was oblivious to danger.  As I became more aware of changes in how I felt, I started to realize how much I had been oblivious to danger.   I discovered that I felt I couldn’t even keep myself safe out in public because I couldn’t read people.  I couldn’t accurately assess a situation, and I knew it.  I couldn’t go anywhere alone, but I couldn’t be alone either.)
 

I didn‚Äôt even know my intuition had disappeared for a long time. ¬†For quite a while after¬†I clued in¬†I felt almost everyone was a threat. ¬†And I do mean everyone. ¬†It was sort of like paranoia. ¬†There was regular paranoia, as well, but there was also something slightly different. ¬†I realized that people¬†I knew meant well were causing me a great deal of frustration and grief or so I thought. ¬†I knew they meant well because I had known them for many years, but everything they did upset me. ¬†I didn‚Äôt know it was me, it was akathisia, it was my brain skewing reality. ¬†I couldn‚Äôt figure out why people who loved me were hurting me so much. ¬†It was akathisia ‚ÄĒ being overwhelmed, being hypersensitive to sound, to touch, to emotion, to the air, to the breeze, to light, to being alive!
 

Yes, I sometimes felt dead.  How would I know what that felt like?  I wouldn’t, but that was the thought in my mind about what I felt to be occurring.  It does not happen now.  Occasionally, I would wonder if I was actually dead and I was dreaming or hallucinating my real life. None of us know what being dead is like, so we could, possibly, be dead and dream about our former lives?  Would I dream about my daughter growing up with me as her mother?  No, not likely.  Dreams are disjointed and bizarre, not nearly as logical and normal as my life was.  So, I had to be alive, but I felt dead.  Then there is the scientist in me that thought there would not be any thought at all from a dead person.  That’s all beside the point, of course, because that feeling that I was dead just kept re-occurring.  I kept wondering.  As it became less frequent, I felt less worried.

 

My best guess is that those thoughts and feelings¬†were very much like the DP and DR that made me feel as if there were a thick glass wall between me and the world. ¬†The kind of wall in a very large aquarium, but the world was not magnified. ¬†I could not see the wall. ¬†I could not touch it, but as I looked at the trees and the rest of my property I simply ‚Äúfelt‚Ä̬†there was a glass wall. ¬†I felt it was there between me and my husband, too. ¬†I think that feeling dead could be another form of DP or DR.
 

I did not see ghosts.  There were no actual hallucinations.  I would see things out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn’t identify them.  Almost always I knew what was real when it came to sight.  I heard things.  I think it may have been a variation of ringing in the ears.  I heard circus music.  It was very annoying.  The calliope.  Over and over, especially as I was trying to fall asleep. It was louder if I used a fan as white noise.  However, I needed the white noise to mask the sound of the freeway which was more grating to me than the calliope.  I heard other noises that my husband said were not there.  

 

I smelled things.  Things burning.  The smell of a wood stove.  The smell of burning plastic.  It was quite scary during fire season.  Wood stoves and forest fires smell similar.    I smelled burning plastic inside the house.  So, I worried that there was a fire inside a wall.  This upset my husband, and it upset me that he said it wasn’t real.  I was extremely anxious back then and having akathisia, too.  Awful.  I also smelled different foods that were not there.  
 

A few thoughts about Glo being unable to tell you what she is experiencing: 1) It‚Äôs possible there are no words in your language for what she sees, hears, etc. ¬†A fascinating subject to research is the fact that some¬†cultures have abstract concepts others do not, and there are simply no translations for these concepts in other languages. ¬†Extrapolate that to brain malfunctions¬†and imagine the difficulty. ¬†2) Speak¬†no evil: I wouldn‚Äôt describe some of my thoughts or visions ‚ÄĒdaymares‚ÄĒ from that time to anyone. ¬†I hope to forget them. ¬†3) I lost a lot of language skills during the ‚Äúinjury‚ÄĚ or CT event. ¬†I could not find words for simple things. ¬†A spoon. ¬†I couldn‚Äôt find the word spoon in my brain. ¬†I had to describe its function to ask for one. ¬†As far as communicating more complicated thoughts or desires, well, it was like being a baby sometimes. 4) She doesn‚Äôt want you to be be scared, upset, think less of¬†her, admit she‚Äôs so damaged, change your relationship any more than it has been changed, or even think about what‚Äôs happening long enough to describe it. ¬†This has been a humiliating experience for me. ¬†I know that.
 

Yes, I‚Äôm angry. ¬†I try to let go of that when I can, but I‚Äôm still having waves. ¬†They tend to consist of irrational anger, irritability, frustration, clumsiness, confusion (even difficulty finding words) and physical pain. There‚Äôs a lot of exhaustion: mental and physical. ¬†Muscle weakness alternating with muscle tension. ¬†I‚Äôm¬†not scared any longer. ¬†I still have an intrusive thought ‚ÄúI‚Äôm scared,‚ÄĚ but I‚Äôm not. ¬†I get anxious sometimes. ¬†It looks like fear¬†from the outside according to my husband. ¬†Maybe it is fear - to a normal person. ¬†Maybe my definition of fear has changed after experiencing¬†sheer, abject terror during akathisia. ¬†It feels like strong¬†irritation to me. ¬†There‚Äôs a lot of anger at nothing in particular sometimes.

 

There is also so much positive!!!  So much.   I should post again to talk about it.  My life is almost mine again.  I can rely on my brain most of the time.  I can cook, I can wash clothes and dishes, I can THINK!  I can homeschool my child.  It’s a work in progress, and I hate it sometimes, but I can think and organize and stay on track more or less.  It’s amazing!

 

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you, again, Rosetta for going even deeper.  Gloria is mentally handicapped so her ability to communicate, learn and understand was always different than "normal" before this iatrogenic medication event 4 years ago.  But she was happy and could talk and communicate...it was just always in her simple, sweet yet "special way."  So all of these awful and tragic things happening to her brain would be very difficult for her to express if she was functioning at her full (pre med injury) level.  So now that her brain has been hijacked it has been even more difficult to try and understand what is happening.  She pretty much stopped talking all together for about 2 years...but her speech and talking has improved and increased just in the last few months. It has been in these last few months that she has begun talking about what she is 'seeing' and feeling although it is cryptic.  It is a puzzle for me to solve sometimes when the words/emotions come rushing out as they don't really make sense to me....but I know she is trying the best she can to talk about what is going on.  I think she has the same issue you spoke about...she knows it is a spoon but can't find the word for spoon.  Anyway....her expression and talk is getting better and more understandable.  I am sure it is the DP/DR, irritability, vision floaters, distorted sounds from a fan.....all of that!  It just comes out that she sees ghosts and is dead.  So, again, from the bottom of my heart.....your descriptions are clues to what may be happening to her.  It is a wealth of information that I cherish.  So again, my gratitude is overflowing. Glosmom

2016 - Oct -Daughter started Risperdal (for steroid induced psychosis that never went away after stopping prednisone)

Nov - dose increases stopped at 1.5mg in Dec

2017 - Jan- weaned from 1.5 to 1.0 in 2 weeks then 1.0 to .5 in two weeks and then off. Feb. 3 weeks of increased psychosis, pacing, insomnia, other awful symptoms so late Feb  - Back on 1.5 mg Risperdal. May  - decrease to 1.25mg, two weeks later 1.0mg - symptoms started again. June - held steady at 1.25mg for 6 weeks and switched to liquid (3 ml syringe). July - started 10% taper every 3 weeks, October -  .8 mg, December - .7 mg .

2018 -Jan- 0.65 mg,  Feb- 0.59,  Mar-0.50, late April - .40mg, July- .36 mg, Aug - switched from 3 mL syringe to 1 mL syringe for more accuracy (her dad and i were not sure we were giving her the same dose when in between the 'dashes' on the 3 mL syringe.) Aug -.30 mg (3mL syr)/.44 mg (1 mL syr) difference due to med in the tip of both syringes). Sept- .28 mg (3mL syr)/.42 mg (1 mL syr). Oct - .16 mg (3 mL syr)/.30 mg (1 mL syr). Nov.- .06mg (3mL syr)/.20 mg (1mLsyr). Dec. - tip only/unmeasurable (3mL syr)/.10 mg (1mLsyr)

2019- Jan -.06 mg (1 mL syr), Feb- .025 mg (1 mL syr), Feb 27, 2019 - jumped to zero!!

Link to post

You’re welcome.  My heart breaks for you.  If this happened to my daughter . . . That would be devastating.  She will get well.  Please know that. @Glosmom

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Still up and down.  Today was better than yesterday.  The day before was not too good.  Still on the emotional roller coaster, but the physical stuff is ok today.  Overall, I’m not doing poorly at all.  Comparatively, I’m doing quite well considering what I’ve been through.  
 

Having the quarantine, and the school being closed is rough.  I continue to worry about how my bad days affect my daughter.  When school was in session she wasn’t with me all day.  She had a break.  She’s having bad days, too, of course.  It’s a struggle.  Today was fine.  We are having some fun with science projects.  Language Arts could be fun for me if she didn’t suffer it so much.  
 

I’m so grateful for this site having kept me going long enough to recover to this point!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

@Rosetta you’ve come so far!  I think about you often.

 

hugs‚ÄĒ

 

Sheera

Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015

May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely.

October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016.

 

Currently off all antidepressants

 

Current Supplements:  L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic

Link to post

Thanks @Sheera!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

I have been struggling the last few days.  Quite irritable.  Somewhat anxious most of the time.  Angry a lot.  It’s a wave, I guess.  
 

Trying to homeschool is so hard.  I started playing piano again to cope.  

 

Still taking walks.  

 

My daughter’s birthday is coming up.   I’m anxious about that.

 

I’m anxious about Covid-19, too.  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Poor sleep.  Waking up early and feeling fearful.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Difficulty regulating temperature.  I woke up sweating in the night like I used to.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Akathisia this morning.  Awful meltdown.  Not the worst I’ve had, of course, but pretty miserable.  Lingering mild aka all day.  Tired of this coming back.  Getting in a bath now.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
  • ChessieCat changed the title to Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017

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