Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017

[Rosetta]

Thank you, @Carmie.  💜

[Sheera]

@Rosettayour posts are so encouraging for others going through the acute phases. How are you doing now?  Still getting waves?  Sending hugs!

 

Sheera 

[Elyssa143]

@Rosetta 

Hi sweet soul. How are you? 5 years for me next month! Still no where near healed but better of course. I still very much struggle with the si, depression and anhedonia. But again better just still such a bummer to not be healed. Hope your doing well

[littlebird]

On 1/8/2023 at 8:49 AM, Rosetta said:

If I can heal, you can, too.  You will doubt this at times as the windows and waves pattern cause one to doubt.  Over and over again, you will improve and then regress.  You must take this to heart: no regression is permanent!  You will improve again, and, often, the improvement will be better over all.  

 

Oh wow, I came across this randomly and needed to hear that so much I got tears in my eyes. Thank you!

[Carmie]

Hi Rosetta, 

 

Looks like a lot of people are thinking of you. You are a real encouragement on this site and have a lot of people who really care about you, me included. I remember you were one of the first people who interacted with me when I came on this site. 
 

Hope you’re having a happy day💛

[Sheera]

@Rosettahey friend—hoping you’re well. ♥️

[Rabe]

I wanted to get back here and say 'Hi' to everyone and let you know how much I hold you in my heart and prayers always!! 

Life just moves along and I am trying to learn to move along with it.  I now have 5!! five beautiful grandchildren,

the youngest being 18 months and the oldest 7.  I decided I needed to truly focus on getting better overall

and have been working hard on that.  

Had COVID last year and after that had obvious problems with hormones so am currently slowly tapering off

my Premarin.  Amazing how even that is a challenge....but after understanding my genetics,  I'm doing things 

it at a much slower pace than the doctor recommended as at that speed I wasn't doing well.  Turtles can win races too as everyone here knows. 😃 

My doctor would like me to stay at .5mg of the Viibryd because of having more than 3 major depressive episodes in my life, and for now I am OK with that.  I think a generic is coming out 'soon' and not having to compound it would be a great financial help.  

I remain at .9 of the Clonazepam but that will be my next target after my system settles from the Premarin taper.

I babysit at least twice a week for 2 of my grandchildren, have a wonderful Bible study with wonderful people, and 

am getting help with an SI joint issue...OUCH!  

Im in my head too much and when it's running the show it can take me to some not as much fun places and focuses so I try to stay busy.  I also am dealing with the trauma in my life and have found that to be an incredible journey that is hard but healing.  I have been working with a wonderful nutritionist and eat all natural whole foods and that too has made a difference.  My SIBO is much better and overall my health has improved.  For the first time in my life my Vit D levels are in normal range!  Found out I have a gene whereby I don't absorb vitamin D. So getting help with that has helped as well.

I think the biggest thing for me was getting out, walking, moving, being with my grandchildren, playing, laughing, staying busy.  

I still have hard days and parts of days but because of everything else I don't focus on it so much it seems....although sometimes I still go down various rabbit holes.

I lost my sponsor and dear friend last September and that was and is SO hard.  Miss her everyday, but grateful for all the times we shared and all I learned from her.

There has been so much going on in my life but I am grateful to get back here.  My son and family in Maryland had problems after their first child...she had bleeding and that affected her in many ways so been trying to help there, and my daughter had a miscarriage and then had a next pregnancy with complications and a C section and a baby in the NICU so Ive been supporting and helping her and her family.  She is still struggling with her hormones 2 years later but better. 

Im not looking forward to the Clonazepam tapering again but feel that I will be in a much healthier place than I was during my tapering of the Viibryd...at least I hope so.

Happy New Year and much love to you all!  And bless everyone here!  

Becky

 

 

[Rabe]

Rosetta, I am SO sorry.  I thought I was posting on my thread!! My mind gets so foggy with tapering....either that or Im getting dementia.

 

How are you doing?  How is your family?  How are the windows and waves?  I think about you and yours so often.  Bless you for all you share and do Rosetta.  You are a true inspiration!

💜

 

[Rosetta]

I came here to say I’m coming out of a “bad” wave.  Bad is relative, of course.  As bad as I felt a day or two ago and as long as it lasted, I know it was much milder than my worst waves.  Knowing that intellectually and being able to feel the truth are two different things.  I never feel well in the Spring.  Something about Spring really throws me off, and the time change intensifies the misery.  My husband thinks that the changing light is the issue.  He says this happened before I CT’d.  We are now having our 12th atmospheric river.

 

I felt “scared” a lot especially in the morning.  I knew it was all in my mind.  It was my nervous system reacting to a change in my brain and sending out faulty signals.  In the past I would have said I was depressed — I felt very pessimistic about the world, I didn’t want to go anywhere, I felt overwhelmed, and I was very angry.     I know I’m “iatrogenically injured” instead of depressed, but it’s the same thing to me at the moment.  So, I couldn’t interact with anyone very much because, inevitably, they would do something that made me furious.  I knew I would probably not have felt so upset if I were not in a wave, and, therefore, I couldn’t say anything about it.  I might overreact and damage a relationship — like with my child’s teacher (who is not doing well right now, sheesh!) That made me feel powerless and as if others were taking advantage.  I can’t make any decisions when I’m like that; I can’t have any conversations about the stupid things other people are doing.  I’m just stuck.  My cognitive functioning was pretty bad. My poor husband was just trying to bide his time and be as supportive as he could be, but he was getting really tired of the fact that I couldn’t even process anything he told me.  I couldn’t focus on a sentence long enough to understand what he was saying.  It was comical.  
 

It’s rare that I have night of insomnia now, so I’m not losing as much sleep as I was before, but I can’t get up in the morning.  Since the time change, I have my deepest sleep right at the time that I need to be up and getting my daughter ready for school.  

 

Saturday night I fell asleep early, woke up to a cortisol spike, and then could not go back to sleep for hours.  I felt physical feelings that reminded me of aka.  The next day, I had a panic attack — on Sunday.  I was struggling to wait out the morning anxiety, and at about 1:00 p.m., my daughter refused to go to her lesson.  My heart started pounding as if a train was bearing down on me.  Now I know it’s nothing that can really hurt me.  It’s not like having a panic arrack before that would spiral out of control.  I knew it was fake fear and just a malfunction of the nervous system.  I could ignore it mostly, but I felt poisoned the rest of the day.  All the adrenaline poisons us even if we know it was released by mistake.
 

The person whose life “causes” me the most anxiety is my daughter.  Of course, it’s not her fault, but she is sometimes refusing to go to school.  With the morning anxiety, I really can’t get her up and off to school sometimes.  She doesn’t want to go, and I do not have the energy to make her go.  If I try, I risk getting angry that she won’t cooperate.  So, I have been letting her go late.  That’s better than getting angry at her.
 

I have almost no friends, and I have not been able to get the house in order so that we can invite anyone over.  So, I have not been able to help her keep and grow friendships.  I try, but none of the other parents try much at all.  It’s all me, and I don’t have the energy.  (This is common in the US.) She’s reading and comprehending 6 grade levels above her own (although I don’t actually give her high school or college level books, not even junior high books unless the subject matter is very mild.).  She rarely wants to read anything.  Her math class is martyrdom because she’s one grade level ahead.  Her school is just a ness after Covid.  A lot of kids are two or three grade levels behind.   The teachers are burned out, and one of her teachers is angry and snaps at the kids a lot.  This has a terrible effect on my daughter.  She tried to be perfect in this woman’s class.  She cries before school, and cries about her first grade teacher who was addicted to caffeine.

 

Her best friend just dropped her, apparently, as we discovered when we went to the girl’s birthday party.  The new best friend was there.  My daughter came away having realized that she no longer had a special bond with her best friend.  This kid’s mother is not going to help me get the kids together more.  I don’t know why.  She seems to like me, and I was the only mother who went to the birthday party to help her wrangle the kids and keep them safe while we were out in public — in the dark.
 

I did not anticipate any of this happening to her.  Last year at this time, she was on top of the world, had a nice friend group, and her best friend was planning to go to her school.

 

I wrote this to someone today:

 

Hi.  From my point of view, whatever you do — try one mg perhaps or simply wait it out —  it will be worth it to stay for your child.  My child is essentially the reason I waited to get better.  She’s almost 12.  She was 5 when I CT’d.  I lived through a lot of misery to stay here for her.  There were good times during the windows.  There were days I barely did what I needed to do for her.  There were times all I could do was read her a story.  It was ALL worth it!  I do not regret staying.  She is amazing, and I am almost always well.  There are some somewhat difficult days here and there, but I know they will pass.  I have learned to cope on those days.  I learned to scale back on those days.  
 

I’m hearing in your posts that you feel overwhelmed.  You are exhausted.  You have no life.  You are experiencing a huge setback at the two year mark. When you say “I cannot be in my skin anymore,” I’m hearing the possibility of agitation.  
 

I am someone who has been to that place where you are.  Many times.  The waves over and over, the feeling I could not go on, the thought of trying to find a drug no one else knew about.  Something, anything!  

My husband stayed with me, and he took care of me and my child when I could not.  He does not regret that either.  He just looked at me a moment ago and said, “Who loves you?”  I looked at the dog.  He said, “ Yes, definitely. Who else?”  I looked up the stairs because my daughter is up there. “Yes.  Who else?”  I said, “You.”  “ That’s right!”  The dog is on his bed at my feet, my kid is probably playing Minecraft or watching cartoons, and my husband has gone to bed.  The rain has stopped.  The house is quiet.  All is ok.  I’m in a wave right now.  It’s so mild compared to what you are feeling that you would laugh with disbelief if you could feel it, but it’s a wave.  And I don’t care because I survived.  I got mad at what the doctors did to me, and decided to fight for my child to have a mother, and I decided that their incompetence was not going to kill me.  I decided that I would live to be there for my little girl despite them and their ignorance and their greed and their hubris.
 

You will get better if you continue to stay off the psych drugs, have no alcohol, dangerous antibiotics, steroids, or adrenaline based numbing agents at the dentist.  Read my thread.  You will see.  There are windows and you can live during those windows.  You can learn how to live — actually live — during the waves.  The waves will get milder and your life will get better.  Read my thread.  Probably best to read it backward.  It’s very long.  You will see how I survived — hot baths, hot showers, heating pads, foot massages, no caffeine, no alcohol, nothing but Tylenol or Advil once in a while, and a little Benadryl (which is not without risk.). You can do this.  
 

You are having windows so you know your brain is adjusting and your nervous system is healing.  Even people who don’t have windows heal, but it’s reassuring to have them.  I promise you that you can do this.  I did it.  I had support, but I did it, and I am so very glad that I did.

 

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

Dear Rosetta, 

 

Thanks for your latest update. I’m sorry you still have so many struggles. I’m sorry that you don’t have a lot of supportive friends at the moment, but I’m glad you have a caring husband and a beautiful daughter. It must be extremely hard being a parent when you’re struggling to function. You do so well, despite all, and you’ve encouraged so many people on this site over the years, you have a heart of gold. 
 

Sending much love💛

[Rosetta]

@Carmie Thanks, Carmie!  Your gratitude lists have been very helpful to me.  You are amazing!

[Phoenixmama]

Hi rosetta long time no message , quick question, did you ever get inner thigh weirdness ? Cramps and feelings like your veins are pulling or like blood can’t circulate ? I googled it and it says PAD 😩😫 

[Rosetta]

@Phoenixmama  I think those are muscle spasms.  I don’t believe people can feel PAD except when they have a major issue with it.  You are way too young for that.

[Moonpie]

@Rosetta  Bless your heart!  You have gone from having  a full plate to  buffet!   I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle still, and and those with your daughter, and all she is facing. Life doesn't stop because we are doing this does it.? I am so happy you have such a loving and supportive husband, what a blessing! You have always been an encouragement to me. HUGS! ❤️

[Giuly88]

Hi Rosetta, I’m currently dealing with debilitating dystonia reactions/muscle spasms. How have you been dealing with these during your withdrawal please? Any help is much appreciated and bless you  🙏.

 

Giuliana

 

 

[Carmie]

How are you doing dear @Rosetta ? 💛

[Rosetta]

@Moonpie  Thank you!  I’m so happy to know that my writings here have helped you.  It feels better for all I have experienced to not be in vain.  Take care, Rosetta

[Rosetta]

On 4/18/2023 at 3:52 AM, Giuly88 said:

Hi Rosetta, I’m currently dealing with debilitating dystonia reactions/muscle spasms. How have you been dealing with these during your withdrawal please? Any help is much appreciated and bless you  🙏.

 

Giuliana

 

 

Yes.  They are infrequent and much more mild now.  I used to have dystonia all up and down my right side from my toes to my temple.  It started many years ago — over 20.  I finally understood what it was after I found this site over 6 years ago.  I never knew before then.  No doctor ever monitored me for this complication or even mentioned it!  What I found is that if I put a heating pad on my right forearm, the dystonic symptoms were lessened from head to toe.  Weird, but true.  I found some heating pads that were disposable and could be secured to my arm.  They lasted 6-8 hours.  
 

It’s rare that I have a bad case of dystonia now.  I had a bad headache from dystonia one day recently, but it was not as bad as those I had years ago!.  At the time, I was reading too much.  It is better for me to watch TV when I can feel a bit of dystonia on the right side of my face and at my temple.  Some days my face and jaw hurts.  The muscles in my jaw and cheeks tense up.  Heat helps, and I have to stop reading.

 

Please know that, in my experience, this is a symptom that will lessen in intensity over time if you avoid irritating your nervous system by changing medications, changing doses, missing doses, drinking alcohol, or taking any other drugs in amounts that cause irritation.  It will take time, but you can recover to some extent from dystonia maybe even completely.  Follow the advice her for tapering and do not let a doctor tell you there is no relation between your drugs and dystonia!  That is not true.

 

Rosetta

 

[Rosetta]

On 4/18/2023 at 3:52 AM, Giuly88 said:

Hi Rosetta, I’m currently dealing with debilitating dystonia reactions/muscle spasms. How have you been dealing with these during your withdrawal please? Any help is much appreciated and bless you  🙏.

 

Giuliana

 

 

Yes.  They are infrequent and much more mild now.  I used to have dystonia all up and down my right side from my toes to my temple.  I started What I found is that if I put a heating pad on my right forearm, the dystonia symptoms were lessened from head to toe.  Weird, but true.  I found some heating pads that were disposable and could be secured to my arm.  They lasted 6-8 hours.  It’s rare that I have a bad case of dystonia now.  I had a bad headache from dystonia one day recently, but it was not as bad as those I had years ago!.  At the time, I was reading too much.  It is better for me to watch TV when I can feel a bit of dystonia on the right side of my face and at my temple.  Some days my face and jaw hurts.  The muscles in my jaw and cheeks tense up.  Heat helps, and I have to stop reading.

 

Please know that, in my experience, this is a symptom that will lessen in intensity over time if you avoid irritating your nervous system by changing medications, changing doses, missing doses, drinking alcohol, or taking any other drugs in amounts that cause irritation.  It will take time, but you can recover to some extent from dystonia maybe even completely.

 

[Giuly88]

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Yes.  They are infrequent and much more mild now.  I used to have dystonia all up and down my right side from my toes to my temple.  I started What I found is that if I put a heating pad on my right forearm, the dystonia symptoms were lessened from head to toe.  Weird, but true.  I found some heating pads that were disposable and could be secured to my arm.  They lasted 6-8 hours.  It’s rare that I have a bad case of dystonia now.  I had a bad headache from dystonia one day recently, but it was not as bad as those I had years ago!.  At the time, I was reading too much.  It is better for me to watch TV when I can feel a bit of dystonia on the right side of my face and at my temple.  Some days my face and jaw hurts.  The muscles in my jaw and cheeks tense up.  Heat helps, and I have to stop reading.

 

Please know that, in my experience, this is a symptom that will lessen in intensity over time if you avoid irritating your nervous system by changing medications, changing doses, missing doses, drinking alcohol, or taking any other drugs in amounts that cause irritation.  It will take time, but you can recover to some extent from dystonia maybe even completely.

 

Hi Rosetta, thank you so much for your response.

 

I also wanted to ask if you used to use the heating pads at night during sleep as I’m not sure whether they would be safe?

 

Additionally, do you think that using Benadryl sometimes for sleep is safe?

 

Are you on the UK? I’m in the UK in the south east.

 

Thank you and bless you.

 

Giuliana

[Rosetta]

On 4/18/2023 at 3:52 AM, Giuly88 said:

Hi Rosetta, I’m currently dealing with debilitating dystonia reactions/muscle spasms. How have you been dealing with these during your withdrawal please? Any help is much appreciated and bless you  🙏.

 

Giuliana

 

 

 

Giuliana,

 

Benadryl has some risk associated just as any medicine is risky for people in withdrawal (from any drug.). I used it only when the akathisia was so bad that I was absolutely desperate.  Eventually, I stopped using it at all.  I did not use it for dystonia.  At some point I decided that I could not risk anything getting worse.

 

So, I would try half a dose or 1/4 of a dose, if you use it at all.  It is an anti-histamine, and ADs were derived from anti-histamines.  This is part of why Benadryl seems to help some people who are in withdrawal.  However, our nervous systems become hypersensitive, and a normal dose for a “normal” person can be an overdose, to some extent, for us.  When I say overdose I do not mean that you will pass out and be hospitalized.  I mean that your body will react as if you took a lot more than you did, and an overdose will irritate the nervous system and increase the dysfunction of the fight/flight reaction.  The system will push back hard to regain the balance it has been trying to achieve, and you may feel worse when Benadryl wears off.  Even if you feel ok, there will be some effect.  If you use it too much, you may be driving your system into greater turmoil.  Over time, your WD symptoms may get worse, overall.
 

Most importantly, if you are taking an AD and/or tapering, adding an anti-histamine may result in an effect similar to taking more than a normal dose of the AD.  As you may know, that is a big no no when tapering.  Keeping your dose as stable as possible is very, very important until you are ready to taper a very small amount.  If you are someone who opted for cold-turkey, then Benadryl is an option, but it could have a paradoxical effect.  You might become hyper instead of falling asleep.  Taking it more than once a week

 

There are many drugs that cause a greater reaction in us.  The effect of alcohol and coffee were far greater in my body after I CT’d and rapidly tapered everything.  I had no idea this was because of withdrawal.  It was quite pronounced.  

I would not use an electric heating pad at night.  You could use the kind that are heated in the microwave.  They have beads in them.  You can fill a sock with buckwheat and microwave that.  Using rice instead will dry your skin quite a lot. You would need a good moisturizer.

 

I am in California — in the US.  Different place, same medical dystopia when it comes to AD withdrawal.

 

I hope you start to feel better.  
 

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

[Rosetta]

@Carmie  Hi, Carmie!  I’m ok.  I think my mountain of stuff is causing me a lot of anxiety, but I’m ok.  I have had a few anxious days lately, a few cortisol spikes in the night, some insomnia.  We are moving, and so, I have pack everything.  I am having trouble getting started.
 

Still, I keep marveling at how my mind and body can heal.  I’m very surprised at times that I can deal with adversity in a way I had not been able to for decades.  I try not to get angry that literally my entire youth and early adulthood was damaged by these drugs.  Having the fight or flight response constantly was something I could not square with how other people coped.  In any event, I am lucky that I am getting well now.

 

I hope you are all right and that there has been some improvement.  
 

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

[Carmie]

I’m so sorry you’re still struggling with hoarding and your mountain of stuff @Rosetta , I can’t imagine how stressful that would be. 
 

I don’t like having lots of stuff, I’m always decluttering. 
 

I’m so extremely happy that you’ve been healing though, I remembered how much you were struggling when you first came on this site. There is hope for anyone who is in protracted withdrawal and you are a beacon of light.

 

Sending much love💛

Edited May 3, 2023 by Carmie
Typo

[wantrelief]

Hi Rosetta:

 

On 5/2/2023 at 9:09 AM, Rosetta said:

I keep marveling at how my mind and body can heal.  I’m very surprised at times that I can deal with adversity in a way I had not been able to for decades.

This is wonderful to hear, that you are dealing so well with adversity - it brings me a lot of hope that I too will heal in this way. I am so happy for you for how far you've come, Rosetta!  You have been so brave for such a long time and it has paid off....just lovely to hear and inspirational.

 

I hope the move goes smoothly. It sounds like a great way to start this next chapter of your life.

 

Much love

WR 💖

[Giuly88]

On 5/2/2023 at 4:44 PM, Rosetta said:

 

Giuliana,

 

Benadryl has some risk associated just as any medicine is risky for people in withdrawal (from any drug.). I used it only when the akathisia was so bad that I was absolutely desperate.  Eventually, I stopped using it at all.  I did not use it for dystonia.  At some point I decided that I could not risk anything getting worse.

 

So, I would try half a dose or 1/4 of a dose, if you use it at all.  It is an anti-histamine, and ADs were derived from anti-histamines.  This is part of why Benadryl seems to help some people who are in withdrawal.  However, our nervous systems become hypersensitive, and a normal dose for a “normal” person can be an overdose, to some extent, for us.  When I say overdose I do not mean that you will pass out and be hospitalized.  I mean that your body will react as if you took a lot more than you did, and an overdose will irritate the nervous system and increase the dysfunction of the fight/flight reaction.  The system will push back hard to regain the balance it has been trying to achieve, and you may feel worse when Benadryl wears off.  Even if you feel ok, there will be some effect.  If you use it too much, you may be driving your system into greater turmoil.  Over time, your WD symptoms may get worse, overall.
 

Most importantly, if you are taking an AD and/or tapering, adding an anti-histamine may result in an effect similar to taking more than a normal dose of the AD.  As you may know, that is a big no no when tapering.  Keeping your dose as stable as possible is very, very important until you are ready to taper a very small amount.  If you are someone who opted for cold-turkey, then Benadryl is an option, but it could have a paradoxical effect.  You might become hyper instead of falling asleep.  Taking it more than once a week

 

There are many drugs that cause a greater reaction in us.  The effect of alcohol and coffee were far greater in my body after I CT’d and rapidly tapered everything.  I had no idea this was because of withdrawal.  It was quite pronounced.  

I would not use an electric heating pad at night.  You could use the kind that are heated in the microwave.  They have beads in them.  You can fill a sock with buckwheat and microwave that.  Using rice instead will dry your skin quite a lot. You would need a good moisturizer.

 

I am in California — in the US.  Different place, same medical dystopia when it comes to AD withdrawal.

 

I hope you start to feel better.  
 

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

Thank you so much Dear Rosetta for your response. At the moment I have horrible dystonic tightness on my chest and is affecting my heart making it flutter. I hope everything is going well with you and your daughter, I have read a lot about your poignant and courageous journey back to health. I too have a daughter (13 soon) and also a son (10 y soon).

 

Much love

 

Giuliana

[Rosetta]

Giuliana, @Giuly88

 

Oh, I’m sorry that this is affecting your heart.  That sounds scary.  I suppose it must have affected mine, too, but I did not feel that specifically.  I had POTS: postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.  It was quite strong at times.  I never have that now.  I wish I had more advice for you.  Avoiding drugs and alcohol are very important, as you know.  You will heal, but it will take a while.  I’m glad you have your kids.  Mine keeps me going.

 

Yours,

 🧚‍♀️Rosetta

[Rosetta]

Thank you, @wantrelief!  Thank you for always being a friend.  You are quite an inspiration yourself.

[wantrelief]

3 hours ago, Rosetta said:

You are quite an inspiration yourself.

Aw, that is so sweet of you to say Rosetta.  You have brightened my day......thank you. 💕

[Rosetta]

I am 6 years out from a cold turkey/fast taper.  The recurring intrusive thoughts will go away eventually.  I believe that.  I still have intrusive thoughts, but they do not upset me now.  It’s pretty rare that a thought is disturbing.  Once in a while, I may speak when I did not intend to.  Most of the time, I could catch it and stop it if I wanted to.  It’s only when I am in a place where I feel safe or when I’m with someone with whom I feel safe that I speak accidentally.  I might say something odd, but it’s not offensive.  

[Carmie]

I’m so happy to hear your intrusive thoughts no longer bother you too much dear @Rosetta, you are doing so well and a true inspiration💛

 

 

[Giuly88]

On 5/19/2023 at 5:37 PM, Rosetta said:

Giuliana, @Giuly88

 

Oh, I’m sorry that this is affecting your heart.  That sounds scary.  I suppose it must have affected mine, too, but I did not feel that specifically.  I had POTS: postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.  It was quite strong at times.  I never have that now.  I wish I had more advice for you.  Avoiding drugs and alcohol are very important, as you know.  You will heal, but it will take a while.  I’m glad you have your kids.  Mine keeps me going.

 

Yours,

 🧚‍♀️Rosetta

Hi Dear Rosetta,

 

Thank you for your message and hope you are well. I wanted to ask you whether you were familiar with following dystonic or dyskinesia like symptom: basically my trunk/back and abdomen muscles spasms when I’m at rest or sat they become rigid and it is often very painful as these muscles press on the rib cage. It is very painful, distressing and debilitating. Also a lot of my muscles around my body are cramps and achy. Did you have any of these symptoms and when do you reckon they started to improve? 
 

Thank you 🙏 

 

Giuliana 

[Rosetta]

@Giuly88 My problems in my torso were related to my bowels, mostly.  I had very severe cramping that I thought was PMS related, but after I quit ADs, I realized that my PMS-related muscle problems were made more severe by WD.  I had GI issues, too.  Yes, parts of my torso would seize up, and they still do, at times, but it only lasts a few seconds.   Overall, that symptom — seeing muscles in my torso— wasn’t common. I did have calf muscle problem, quiet strong ones.  A lack of potassium can cause that, too, and issues with potassium (salts) are a part of withdrawal from anti-anxiety medications.  Those can affect the heart.  It’s really hard to figure what is related to what.  After the fact, I could see the relationships.  I had severe PMS headaches on one side of my head.  That side was the side affected by dystonia.  
 

I’m not surprised you are having twinges and cramps.  That’s normal.  As to when it might stop, it’s going to lessen and come back and lessen again.  Generally, it will gradually improve.  You will notice one day that it has been a while since you had “x” symptom.  You may notice one symptom come back with lesser intensity.  Eventually, you won’t be so worried about “when” you will be free of any particular symptom.  You will notice them and think, “Oh, that again!  I’m glad it doesn’t hurt as much, worry me as much, scare me,” etc.  For now, you have to try not to let your emotions spiral into panic or frustration or excessive worry.  That’s hard especially because excessive worry is a symptom of its own.  It’s natural to try to attach “generalized” anxiety to a specific symptom.  Try to distract yourself with something else instead of analyzing, endlessly, your symptoms and what they mean.  I know that is kind of difficult.

[Giuly88]

Thank you so much Dear Rosetta. I’m hoping all these symptoms will subside completely one day. Hope you are well and your daughter as well. How old is she now? What is her name? Mine is called Sofia and she will be 13 in July. My son will be 10 in September and is called Davide. I’m originally from Rome, Italy but have been living in England for a long time.

 

Here in the UK we have an amazing sunshine ☀️ at the moment with 18/20 degrees temperature. What is the weather like in California now?

 

Much love

 

Giuliana

 

[Carmie]

Hi dear @Rosetta, just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. What fun things have you been doing with your daughter lately? 
 

Sending you big hugs🤗💛

[Rosetta]

Hi @Carmie Thank you.  I’m trying to keep my head above water at the moment.  A little overwhelmed, but I think it will pass.  I’ll write more later.  Hope you are doing ok.

[Rosetta]

I wrote this to someone today:

 

The frustrating thing is that waves come no matter what you do, and I got tired of the intrusive thoughts focusing on whether something I ate or drank might have “caused” a wave.  Feeling guilty or “stupid” can’t happen if I didn’t take any risks, right? (lol, no, avoiding risks didn’t actually stop inappropriate, intrusive, guilty feelings, ha ha ha).  But it did keep me from wondering if any specific supplement caused a wave!

 

Twenty-eight months is such a long, long time to experience PAWS or “adverse reaction induced dysregulated nervous system disorder,” and then it’s not, really.  You are probably healing on much the same timeline as most of us.  On the other hand, it may be hard to tell the difference between peri-menopause and Dysregulation.  They are so similar.  Was that clear as mud?  Sorry, I only know that I’m still dealing with withdrawal instead of peri-m because . . . actually, I don’t know!  I believe I’m dealing with PAWS, mostly at least, but I have several peri-m symptoms.  It’s exhausting, I know.  I have to seize the day when it seems I’m having a good one and pull back when I’m not.  What starts off as a bad day can turn into a good one and vice versa.  I’m tired, but I’m not beaten.  I simply refuse to be beaten.  I do not “feel” that it’s possible that this is only peri-menopause, and I very rarely have even a little bit of blood.  So, I think I’m done with peri-m, and yet, boom, I get another hot-flash.  I did not have hot-flashes until the last few years.  Clearer?  There’s no real answer; I’m sorry.

 

@Giuly88  Hi.  Crazy weather here, rain some days - very unusual for June in this part of the world.  El Niño weather pattern year, I guess?  My daughter is in 6th grade, or was.  School’s out for Summer!  She was studying Ancient Rome this past year.  Pretty fascinating stuff, but it takes a lot of effort to interest a twelve year old in the Roman Empire’s legacy existing in the United States (and throughout most of the world.)  I managed to find a way!