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Rosetta

Rosetta: CT May 2011 and too fast taper Feb 2017

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neroli
14 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Oh, it's actually Spain.  Much longer trip, and the flight will be hard, I'm sure.  Less stress while we are there though, I hope.

 

oops, sorry didnt'read your thread right.  Hoping there is less stress while you are there, time to recover some more.

 

Neroli 💜

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Miko789

Hi Rosetta,

 

u  are  healing, 

hope you have have les stress while thete,

 

 

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DMV64
On 6/12/2019 at 12:25 AM, Rosetta said:

I always hope I have had my last wave.  Silly, but I do

I am totally with you on this wish. Thinking of you and sending a hug!

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Rabe

Hoping today was a good on, Rosetta!  💜

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Rosetta

This morning I had a strong cortisol awakening.  I woke up afraid and then felt naseous.  There was no jolt to my heart.  So, it wasn't as strong as it could have been.  Afterward, I felt very depressed.  I missed my grandmother.  I felt abandoned and unloved.  There was a bit of impending doom, too.  It was hard to fallback asleep, but I did.  I found it difficult to get going to leave the house.  I left very late, but it was the best I could do.

 

Circumstances today were rough.  Stress. Getting lost again.  I started to melt down at one point.  I started crying.  The gps sent me the wrong way.  Before I made a turn it gave me the next turn.  I couldn't see that.  I ended up in a gas station.  I was very disoriented.  We made it, eventually, to where we needed to be, but I was frazzled.

 

My daughter has been fussy the last few days.  Being out of school is hard for her, and she had a tooth that wouldn't fall out.  It was hanging on by a thread for two days, and bleeding.  It hurt her to eat.  She couldn't even eat yogurt this morning so she was very fussy, and everything was a tragedy.  She was crying while I was in bad traffic on the way to another place.  While we were there waiting for someone I became overly hungry, too.  We drove to a restaurant in heavy traffic, but my friend was late, and she couldn't sit down to eat.  My kid had no shoes to go inside anyway.  I got take -out and tried to go home.  I made a wrong turn and ended up going the wrong way on the freeway which put me behind rush hour traffic.  I had to go all the way back to my starting point just to get on the carpool lane, and I had to sit there and take a time out at the transit station before I could start out again.  

 

It was one of those days when I should have stayed home.  Looking back, I see that I didn't have the presence of mind today to be out and about. The positive thing is that my system calms down more quickly right now.  I was able to drive home after resting at the transit center.  I think that if there was no separate, isolated carpool lane I could not have driven some.  The exit is on the left.  I'm not sure that I could have made it through all that traffic if the exit was on the right.  My daughter was calm after she had ice cream, and the drive home was quiet.  Her tooth came out during dinner.  I hope tomorrow will be better for her.

 

I'm having tummy troubles tonight.  My neck muscles are twisting to one side.  My period should be this weekend.  It kind of feels like I'm going to be held against my will and there's nothing I can do about it.

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Rosetta

Last night, my daughter had a headache.  She had a very hard time going to sleep.  In the middle of the night, she woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, but her headache was gone.  I'm not sure that she ever slept again.  It was before first light.  Of course, she kept me awake.  Off and on I would fall back asleep.  Finally, when it was light out she felt safe enough to go to play by herself, but she got cold and woke me again.  I went to the couch so that she would not be alone, and she kept me awake there, too.  I slept for about 2 hours after that because she watched tv while I slept in the bed.  I'm not sure whether I slept more than about 5 hours.

 

Before my daughter woke up, I had one or two cortisol spikes.  This morning I woke up terrified.  It's worn off now, but I wish there were a way to stop these fearful wake ups.  They are traumatizing me.  Something goes wrong in my brain during the night. 

 

Other than having fear accompanied by  or due to sleep paralysis after I stopped using fiorinal for headaches, I have not had night terrors prior to stopping Zoloft.  I'm not having sleep paralysis now.  (A university doctor gave me fiorinal for about 18 months for headaches, and I quit them after I graduated.  The sleep paralysis happened after that in the mid to late 90s.  It might have been after I tried Paxil and had a bad reaction.  I had insomnia back then, too.  I had Ambien a few times then, but I was afraid of it.  I can't believe all the drugs I've been given and how easy it is to see in hindsight that they all had harmful side effects.

 

I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable about my house again.  My husband is feeling bad, too.  He is quite grumpy and that affects me.  Hopefully, when my daughter's day camp starts we will have a routine again and that will help.  It's only 3 weeks, but it's something.

 

At least I woke up without dystonia today.  It was strong in the middle of the night.

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DMV64
On 5/29/2019 at 2:26 PM, Rosetta said:

Someone asked me what happened when I was at my worst in all of this nightmare.

Wow. I am just reading this now Rosetta. Thank you so much for posting this in such detail. I am so sorry how hard it has been. But I am so happy you are healing. Your story makes me feel not so alone, when I feel my life is worthless and I can't tackle the simplest of tasks, I must remember I am healing.

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DMV64
8 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I had one or two cortisol spikes.  This morning I woke up terrified. 

This happens to me all the time. It is so hard. I am using cold therapy now to help. It does really help. I ice my face. I hold my breath for 30 seconds while I am doing it. Maybe it will help you?

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Carmie

Hi Rosetta, 

 

Sorry you’re still struggling so much. It’s party time when we all eventually heal from these meds.💃🎉🎉🎉 You’re such a warrior! 💚

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Rabe

Hi Rosetta...I am thinking about you and hoping you can get through this month with symptoms not worsening for you.  Sending hugs and love my dear friend!  💜

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