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Rosetta

Rosetta: CT May 2011 and too fast taper Feb 2017

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Dejavu

Yay!! One less thing to stress over! Sleep well. I hope you awaken to a beautiful window.

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wantrelief

Oh that is great news, Rosetta....what a relief!

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Rosetta

Up at 1:00 am with a spike.  It's dark in the room.  There should be no way that cortisol is involved in any natural way.  I can't identify anything that woke me up other than my own body/brain.  My cholesterol is high for the first time in my life.  Just over 200.  I'm developing health anxiety.  Does anyone think that I could be having little heart attacks instead of cortisol spikes? I'm getting scared.  This doesn't happen during the day.

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Rosetta

I slept through until about 6:15.  Then I woke up in a panic with my heart pounding.  I tried to lie there, but I'm feeling an intense sense of loss.  It mostly centers around my daughter and how much of her life with me has been so different than I wanted it to be these past 2 years.  It's very hard for me that she is growing and changing so much.  I want to go back to when I was healthier and see her and be with her when she was 4 and 5.  I want to relive these past 2 and 1/2 years, too.  I feel enormous grief that I can't change the past.  

 

I feel so horribly betrayed by the people who were supposed to care for me from the time I was 8 when my mother took me to live with her.  I think I'm experiencing the trauma of being taken away from my grandmother at a very deep level.  The adrenaline and cortisol issues bring that up.  I'm angry with my grandmother for letting me go.  I feel the need to cry, but the tears won't come very well.  Instead I feel intense tension in my chest and my jaw.  My eyes are wet.  

 

I'm grateful  to have only 2 spikes.  I normally would like to sleep longer, but Im not going to risk another spike.  It would take me 20 minutes to get back to sleep anyway and I have to get up at 7:15.  It's better to let my system calm down from here and not risk another spike.

 

The director at my daughter's preschool is retiring and this is the last week we can visit her there.  I'm feeling very emotional about that.  I want to take my daughter to visit today or tomorrow.  Everything will change when the director is gone.  The whole vibe of the place will change.  I don't know why I care so much as we can't go back really -- my daughter isn't 3 or 4.  It's all in the past.  The kids she knew there aren't there.  Many of the teachers have been replaced.  We can visit the director and a few teachers one last time.  It's especially hard for me because I feel so much pain about how my life has been since my daughter was 5 that last Summer at the preschool.  It was then that my Zoloft dose had been raised and dysautonomia became much worse.  My system was on high alert, but I was functioning then.  It was the following Spring that I quit Zoloft in mid-February after tapering since late December/early January.

 

I'm so grateful to have others here who understand what I'm going through.  This is very painful on an emotional level.  Very, very painful.

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Rosetta

The anxiety stayed with me most of the day.  I had a bit of time after my walk when I felt somewhat ok.  I feel that everything is "wrong."  I'm uncomfortable emotionally.  It's mostly anxiety, but also a feelng that the world has gone mad.  Other people are nuts, and there's a lot of disruption.  My mother in law has been anxious since she was prescribed Ambien.  She recently stopped using it, and she seems to be feeling bad -- anxious, staying home a lot, etc. 

 

I have to see my mother on August 8th.  I'm not looking forward to it.  My husband is anxious and irritable.  I don't have anyone close to me who isn't struggling right now.  I long for feeling relax and safe.

 

Evenings are anxious for me lately -- the past several days.  I don't want to fall asleep.  I feel as if I'm going to a bad place if I do.

 

Edit:. I have been feeling sleepy the last few afternoons.  I can't take the time to sleep because I'm usually too far away from home or I'm afraid it a nap being "toxic," and I don't actually fall asleep.

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Rosetta

First spike of the night at 12:00 midnight.  Feeling the overheating a bit, but not as much as it could be.  Stomach feels slight sour.  Not too bad.  Anxious and sad.  Time slipping by.  I feel I'm wasting my days.  I feel very disconnected due to the anxiety.  I'm too focused on how bad I feel and distractions don't include my daughter and husband.  I need to find an activity I can do with them -- each of them.  Something that makes me feel connected to them.  My husband swam today after our walk, but I couldn't.  It was hard to get myself to take the walk.  Preparing for swimming and cleaning up afterward seemed too much.  Trying to get my daughter to do anything I can be mentally present for seems impossible.  There must be something.  I'm not much fun I'm afraid.

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Rosetta

Second spike was at 5 am and third at 7.   Same general feeling that all is not right with the world.  I know my life is safe, I'm safe, my family is safe.  I can feel it, however.  I feel that I'm living in a war zone, not that I know what that is like, of course.  I try to remember there are people in true danger and I'm very lucky.  I suppose I can't be satisfied unless everyone is safe which is impossible.  I feel guilty about being a hear no evil, see no evil kind of person, but in my poor state I can do nothing to help either. That bothers me a lot.  I can't even clean my own house.  It's a disaster.  I have to accept it for now.  I have to accept all of this.  Somehow.

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Rabe

SO happy you got to the beach, Rosetta, with your daughter.  That is so special!  Also grateful to read your skin issue is benign.  Sometimes those worries alone can cause issues.  Thinking about you lots!!💜

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Rabe

Im Sorry  Rosetta.  My computer only bought up last page and not this one....Im sorry you are still having the cortisol spikes, anxiety, sense of loss and so much more.  

You have so much bubbling up from so many places right now it seems...its understandable that is overwhelming.  Waves within waves.  Your body seems to want tio heal so badly.  I am so thinking about you and wish I could be there to hold you and tell you it will all be ok.  Im hoping the next school director will be a good one.💜

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Rosetta

Oh, thanks, @Rabe. My thread is hard to read right now.  Thank you for coming by.  I hope you are still feeling better.  I'm always thinking of you.

 

Today got better as it went on.  Spikes last night were not as strong.  Woke up with one, and had strong anxiety this morning, but I was able to go for a walk, to see my daughter surf, and I swam in the ocean.  That's an improvement over the day before!  I got cold quickly.  It felt kind of good.  Not like it should, but kinda of good.  My daughter had a good day.  That was nice.  

 

Yesterday was very strange.  I had a "time travel" feeling.  When we were at the preschool I felt as if my little 3 year old was in one of the classrooms.  My daughter was right there, 8 years old, standing in front of me in the office area, but I felt as if I could walk into the classroom next door -- the one she had when she was 3 -- and her 3 year old self would be there with all the other kids.  There was no sound from the room.  The kids had all gone home.  When we left the school, I cried.  I felt as if I had left my little toddler there.  It was as if the past was right there within inches of the present, and I had walked away and driven off without my child.  In reality she was sitting behind me in the car.   I often feel that way when I think of the preschool.  I feel that's she's still there with the teachers and the director, but I'm not allowed to see her or take her home.  With the director leaving I feel that -- I don't know what exactly -- that the bubble popped and my 3 year has disappeared?  I'm not sure.  I don't feel this way about the school where she was in kindergarten.  I feel that I brought her home from there and she grew up.  It's so odd.  I suppose it's because the WD syndrome started while she was in preschool although I didn't quit Zoloft until she was halfway through kinder?  I miss my 5 year old, too, terribly, but I don't feel that's she's still at the other school.

 

I don't look at pictures or videos of her from when she was little.  I'm afraid it will be too painful.  These neuro-emotions are so strong and difficult.  I feel as if I'm living through a Sci-fi horror movie.

 

I hope I sleep well tonight.  I hope I wake up calm.  This crazy wave has to end eventually.

 

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Sheera

@Rosetta I’m sorry to see that you have had lots of issues lately. ☹️  I understand the feelings surrounding your daughter and husband—or lack of connection. I’ve experienced the intensity that you’re talking about and it’s very anxiety provoking. I hope you are giving yourself some grace during this time. You really are doing the very best you can!!  Do you listen to any inspiring music?  Sometimes letting myself hear the words of a good song that tells me I’m going be okay is really helpful. 

Hugs—-Sheera

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Rosetta

Thanks, @Sheera. It's so nice of you to post here.  

 

@Rabe @wantrelief @Dejavu  Thanks for your comments.  

 

I'm holding on here.  The anxiety is in my chest, and I feel jittery.  I think I'm having low level aka.

 

Last night and the night before weren't as bad as they have been lately.  I had spikes, and I woke up this morning at 7:00 with a bad one, but the ruminating wasn't as bad.  I was awake for a shorter period of time.  When I woke up at 7:00 I felt as if I had just had a near car accident.  Pounding heart, etc.  I'm still affected by it at 10:20.  I fell slight naseous.  My jaw is tight.

 

Yesterday I let my daughter have a friend over.  It was okay.  In the afternoon I felt calmer.  They didn't argue.  That was a relief.  This particular little girl gets into arguments with mine.  Her mom is really nice.  So I try to keep up the contact for my sake.  They are neighbors.  I hope to have more than 2 friends again someday.  

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Rabe
On 7/26/2019 at 11:40 PM, Rosetta said:

but I was able to go for a walk, to see my daughter surf, and I swam in the ocean.  That's an improvement over the day before!  I got cold quickly.  It felt kind of good.  Not like it should, but kinda of good.  My daughter had a good day.  That was nice.  

This brought a soft smile t my face Rosetta...I am so glad to hear of this time you shared with your daughter.

 

On 7/26/2019 at 11:40 PM, Rosetta said:

 With the director leaving I feel that -- I don't know what exactly -- that the bubble popped and my 3 year has disappeared?

I can understand this Rosetta I think...I might feel that the director knew her from little on and has all of that in her own mind...on tape so to speak.  With her leaving perhaps you feel those memories, stories, familiarity with your daughter and knowledge of her and stories of her are going with her?  Does she ever write something about the children there?  Would you like to have her share some things with you before she leaves so that you dont leave your daughter behind there but take her with you...on paper or tape or something?  You seem to like her a lot and respect her...a kind person... and I just feel if you shared your feelings with her she would do that for you.  

 

On 7/26/2019 at 11:40 PM, Rosetta said:

I don't look at pictures or videos of her from when she was little.  I'm afraid it will be too painful.

time has flown and i wonder how.  I miss my life with my children so much...but they are still here...it is just very different.  I encourage you to get as many videos and pictures as you can all along the way...you will never regret having them to look back on...I can promise you that.  I do believe that you would regret not getting them....as hard as that is right now.  

 

On 7/26/2019 at 11:40 PM, Rosetta said:

I felt as if I had left my little toddler there.  It was as if the past was right there within inches of the present, and I had walked away and driven off without my child.  In reality she was sitting behind me in the car.  

Im sorry Rosetta....I hear the pain you are feeling.  I think the truth is the past is within inches of the present because time passes do quickly.  She IS with you and I promise you that you will have many lovely special times with her as you move forward.  Gather those as well as as much of the past as you can and it will be a most precious and beautiful bouquet that will never ever die because it lives in your heart and your mind.  

I hope these past days have been better for you.  I love you my dear friend!  💜

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DMV64

{{{Rosetta}}} sending you big hugs and lots of love and hope.

xo

DMV

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Rosetta

Thanks. DMV and Rabe.

 

Still having bad spikes, feeling very anxious in the morning for many hours.  Walking helps but tires me out.  I stayed home today. I fell asleep for a little while on the couch and did not have a spike.  That was good.  I didn't feel relaxed afterward either.  

 

I did about 1/2 an hour of purging today.  

 

Today is Tuesday.  On Sunday we went to the beach with one of my daughter's friends.  We had a nice time.  I got no rest on the weekend as we were out both Sat and Sun.  

 

Same will happen this weekend.  Then I have to go to see my mother on the next Wednesday.  Coming back on a Monday.   Then I'll have 2 weeks before we leave for Spain.  

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Rabe

Oh my goodness....you have lots ahead of you dont you?  Im sorry you are still not feeling more balanced Rosetta.  Do you think all that is coming up is causing some of it?  Feeling some overwhelmed?  Just have been thinking about you a lot today and wanted you to know.  Love and hugs!💜

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Rosetta

Hi @Rabe. Thank you.  Today is much better.  Very low anxiety today.  In the night I was awake for too long, but my thoughts weren't torturing me the way they have been lately.  I didn't feel totally safe and relaxed, but it was much better.  There was a spike and I woke up scared.  It dissipated instead of increasing after I awoke.  

 

Im feeling ok right now.  In fact, I think I have a bit of anhedonia.  Not much, but I feel much less sadness.  I feel what is probably a normal level of anxiety given the circumstances:. There's no way I will be "ready" to go to Spain.  I'll just have to go without being ready -- buy whatever I need there, do without, etc.. Kinda of how I live here -- a low quality of life compared to what it should be, but what can I do?

 

We have to survive this any way we can.  It's utterly absurd how long this is taking.

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Vonnegutjunky

Read your posts every day, our stories are so similar. It since to see you getting a break. You will do good in Spain, nothing there that will hurt you any more than where you are. Keep posting, you always help me. Thank you 

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wantrelief
5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Today is much better.  Very low anxiety today.

Oh that is wonderful to hear, Rosetta.....I am so glad that today is a better one for you.  I am thinking about you - WR.

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RusTW

Hi Rosetta wishing you a good evening. Try not to worry too much about future stuff.

You know how it goes with the withdrawal stuff anyways it can go sideways in  minutes.

I'm really happy you're getting breaks from the anxiety.

Sleep well tonight my friend wishing you good dreams and a restful sleep.

Russ

 

 

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Rabe

I am happy and grateful to read that you are some better Rosetta.  I hope it continues for you.  Seems eons since you talked about going to Spain and now it is almost here!  Hard to believe! Love an hugs dear friend!💜

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Rosetta

Thanks @Rabe @RusTW @wantrelief @Vonnegutjunky

 

I'm still hanging in there.  Last night was better.  I didn't sleep well, but I wasn't miserable when I was awake.  There was a time period when I was feeling intense grief for my grandmother, grandfather and my home with them.  I felt like I was a child and had been separated from them as a child.  It seemed as if they were still there, but I can't see them.  Very emotionally painful.  Eventually I fell asleep again.  After light, I woke up with a spike earlier than usual and the time travel feeling was gone.  

 

Anxiety is high in the mornings and stays for too long, but not all day.  I'm not getting much done.  Mostly just existing, but I've been outside, walking, swimming, seeing people.  Yesterday I went to the beach, walked, swam.  Today I saw a friend, and I was able to go in a pool.  The overstimulation isn't as much of a problem these days as evidenced by my ability to go into the ocean and a pool.  I think Akathisia is almost entirely absent.  

 

Today I stayed home while my daughter went to camp.  I saw a friend and her 5 year old.  He's a handful.  It wasn't relaxing, but I had a hour or two by myself later.

 

The next week is going to be quite taxing.  I'm not sure how I will cope.  I'm very tired.  Being anxious takes so much energy.

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RusTW

Hi Rosetta sorry to hear you're having to go through the emotional stuff. Especially when you're trying to sleep. Good job at powering through all these symptoms.

Russ

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Rosetta

Terror.  It's very rare for me now.  It doesn't happen in the daytime any longer.  How to describe it?  So difficult.  There is only the now, and it's horrifying.  I used to say it was as if I was sitting in a horror movie all the time.  That doesn't really describe it.  Its so hard to believe that taking that medicine created an infinitely worse situation in our brains than what was there before.  That was child's play.   Know you are not alone, this is not "you" and that it won't last forever.  You may not even remember it very well.  I don't.  It's like a dream or a story someone told me.  It wasn't real.  It never was real except inside my mind.  There it was very real.  I suspect DR has something to do with it.  All I could do was distract, but tv shows and movies seemed far too real, too.  Books felt real.  It's definitely a phenomenon of having difficulty distinguishing between real and imaginary on an emotional level.  It's not hallucination quite.  It's not psychosis.  It's a feeling, not an apparition.  It's terror with full knowledge that nothing is actually happening.  I think that's why the brain interprets it as impending doom.  I call it a daymare.

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RusTW

Rosetta I can so much relate with what you're talkin about that I hate going to sleep because sometimes I don't know how it's going to turn out.

It does feel like an altered reality.

Where you feel alone and there's no way out. The good thing is we can work hard to remember the windows.

That daymare your talkin about . Do you ever have fragments of dreams of the night prior fragmented in to your thinking.

I have what you're talking about and it's really puzzling to me because it feels like my subconscious mind is working at the same time my conscious mind is competing very bizarre.

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Rabe

Hi Rosetta...Im glad for all you have been able to do!

 

DO you have a 'calm place'?  A place where you can go in you mind that is beautiful, peaceful, and safe?  Im wondering if your grandmothers?  I know it helps me to go there to calm sometimes.  DOesnt work all the time must usually some, especially in mornings.  Love and hugs!!!💜

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DMV64
22 hours ago, Rosetta said:

 It's not hallucination quite.  It's not psychosis.  It's a feeling, not an apparition.  It's terror with full knowledge that nothing is actually happening.  I think that's why the brain interprets it as impending doom.  I call it a daymare.

OMG yes! Exactly. I am having it less and less, but it's horrifying when I am there. There is nothing else - just like you said. 

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Rosetta

The positive: yesterday I had heat exhaustion, but I recovered, and I was able to take my daughter to a birthday party in the early evening.  We had gone to the zoo with someone from out of town, and it was too much.  We were at the zoo from 10:30 to about 3.  I drank and drank, but I think I started the day dehydrated.  That was my mistake.  I had to take a cool bath to recover.  Drinking wasn't enough.  I was ok by 5:00, and I was fine the rest of the day.  I think this means that my body is coping better with adversity.

 

The cortisol/adrenaline spikes continue.  I had 4,this morning.  One around 2:00 am, another after that, and one at about 6:30 am.    The last was small at 8:15.  The despair and sense of loss I feel is so intense from some of them.  This morning I feel defeated.  I need the spikes to stop.  Maybe I should try magnesium again.  I'm afraid to do that.  

 

Today we have another birthday party.  That's good.

 

I need to stop reading the news, but I can't help myself.  Why I hope it will make me feel better I can't understand.  I feel that I need to be reminded of the threats out there so that I can be vigilant.  I'm literally afraid to ignore the news.  Yet, it always makes me feel worse.  Today especially, of course.  Everyone is feeling upset, I know.  It would be better off if I ignored the news, I think.  I will worry about what might happen if I do.  However, I think I would be less anxious overall -- if I were not in a protracted WD.  So, I keep wanting to try to see if I would be less anxious regardless.  

 

If I turn my attention to the house, I get anxious.  I really only feel ok if I'm out and about doing something that requires all my attention.  People, kids, parks, get togethers.  Those occupy my attention and calm me.  It's reverse social anxiety!!  

 

When I am awake in the night I worry about losing pictures, my daughter growing up, how messy the house is and being unable to invite people over and form or strengthen friendships.  Yet if someone comes over with kids, it's overwhelming.  They make a mess with the toys, and I feel completely worn out when they leave.  It's best if the kids stay outside.  I won't have this problem in Spain.  We will be out a lot.  Our place is so small we won't have company.  I will probably worry about my home here though.

 

I never feel rested.  I'm very alert during the day, however.  I get very tired and fall asleep by about 8:00 or 9:00.  I sleep well from about 9:00 to about midnight or 2:00.  Then I get the spikes.  I don't know whether I sleep well in between, but I suppose not very often.  I wake up very alert usually.  This morning I was able to fall asleep again after the 6:30 spike, and I slept until 8:15 or so.  I woke up with another small spike.  Right now, my jaw and neck are tense and my stomach feels that sick feeling after an adrenalin jolt.

 

I need to wash clothes and figure out what to take to Spain.  I'm running out of time.  I need to buy some things.  I can't bring myself to do either.  I try, but I start to feel overwhelmed.  I wash clothes but I can't organize them or sort them.  There's no room to do it it seems, but that's not true.   It's my brain that is disorganized and cluttered the most.  I think I'm having a bit of Akathisia today.

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Rosetta

Falling asleep in the middle of the day is something I have been experiencing for a while now.  Even while sitting up in a chair.  It happens when I am having a day without much anxiety after the cortisol spike/morning anxiety wears off.  It will happen for a day or two and then not again for weeks.  I think it's a part of the nervous system healing -- the episodes of anxiety starting to become less frequent.  Now, I take it as a good sign, but at first I was alarmed.  Today I fell asleep.  My husband woke me up, unfortunately.  My daughter was with grandma, and I could have had a bit of rest, but No as my husband was home.  As soon as I'm awake, that's it.  Alerting hormones are off and running.  I need a quiet, calm place on these days so that I can actually get rest, but that's nearly impossible for me to arrange.  I never know when I will have a day when I can nap.  It happens out of the blue.

 

Insomnia tonight.  I slept from about 10:00 pm to about 2:00 maybe.  It's 6:15 am, and I'm still awake.  Sigh.

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mirage

Hi Rosetta. I have been off SA for a while trying to cope and heal. Reading too many posts can make the healing more difficult, for me. 

 

It is wonderful that you are going  to Spain! What an amazing trip you are taking and what great memories you will make. 

 

I understand all of they things you describe in your posts. This is a difficult, scary and confusing recovery...to say the least! 

 

 With getting ready for your trip, try not to focus on the big picture and how much you need to do. Break the task up and just do a couple of things each day. Make is smaller in your mind and not big. 

 

Hugs to you my friend, 

Mirage

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Rosetta

Thank you @mirage. How nice to see you post here.  I hope you are healing.  I will check your thread.  

 

Thanks for the advice on packing.  It's particulary challenging for me.  There's something about all the different issues I have in WD that causes several different tendencies to form the perfect storm - disorganization to begin with.  Anxiety plus disorganization and difficulty thinking clearly in general as well as the fact that it is more difficult when I'm anxious, of course.  I'm going to have to accept that I want feel ready no matter what I do.  I rarely feel that everything is all right, and I can't make it right.  It's going to be "wrong," and I need to accept that.  I tell myself that if it's wrong nothing bad will happen just because it's wrong.  

 

I'm really wishing we could stay home now.  At night after I have been asleep for a while and I wake up I'm much more scared about going.  Clearly, there is something happening in my brain around 12:00 midnight to 5:00 am that causes fear.  I don't know if it has to do with sleep cycles or if it's the time of day in some kind of circadian rhythm malfunction or if it's simply the dysfunction in hormone production of adrenaline and cortisol.

 

In the day I'm more at peace with it, usually, albeit stressed about packing, clothes, shoes, contact lenses -- all of which I have avoided buying over the past 3 years.  

 

Being afraid to buy things is another part of WD for me that I don't discuss here. Until about a year ago, perhaps, I was terrified to spend any money.  If my husband spent it I felt safe.  I could not.  I had to get reassurance from him for everything.  I felt that we were broke even though that wasn't true.  I couldn't think clearly about our bills.  I would make lists and calendars to try to reassure myself that we would not run out of money.  I quit buying things even that we needed.  My husband had to do that.  

 

The fear of buying things has faded, but finding the energy to go and buy things is still stopping me.  I'm too anxious in the morning and too fatigued in general afternoon.  By 8:00 pm I'm desperate to lie down.  I have no good walking shoes.  They are full of holes and even the soles are wearing out.  I wear them anyway.  I need to buy a good pair of walking shoes.  I can't go to get them.  My clothes -- I have so many good clothes that don't fit because I gain weight when I'm suffering cortisol spikes frequently.  I lost some weight when I had that brief respite from those.  I gained it back.  Trying to get to appointments used to be impossible.  So, no contacts.  Only outdated, scratched glasses.  I live like an 85 year old except that I walk.  I don't do all the maintenance to keep up supplies.  I have to take my daughter out so that we don't get cabin fever -- which happens in only a few hours -- but it other than that I can't do errands.  My husband does them all.  He can't get my eyes checked for me.

 

Yep, a lot to do in the next 2 weeks.

 

Note: waking up with jaw pain/ neck tension / tension in my chest from clenching my jaw while I sleep every morning.  Worried I'll crack a tooth.  Still no Mother Nature.  Today is the 6th.  Due around the 10th or so.  However, I think I am ovulating right now.  The clenching of the jaw and joint aches are probably caused by that.  Big cortisol spike around 2:00 am.  No ruminating because I read instead of lying there trying to go gave to sleep.  Up until 6:30, and fell asleep until about 8:30.  Woke up with mild spike.  Not much anxiety built up afterward.  The spike wore off instead.

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Gridley
5 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I'm really wishing we could stay home now.

 

I dread traveling too but have found that when we do, the change or the distraction or something results in milder symptoms.  I hope that'll happen for you.

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wantrelief

Dearest Rosetta - I wanted to thank you for all of your continued support....your encouraging messages mean so much to me.  You are so brave for going to Spain....what an amazing adventure you will have!  

 

 

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Rabe

You sound good Rosetta...even at best traveling is a challenge...so just thinking it through as you are i think is amazing..but then Im not surprised!

I know you will have a really good time.  I hope your hormones settle soon!! Love and hugs to you my friend!💜

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RusTW

Happy for your venture out..You will do well.Stay positive.

 Russ

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mirage

Rosetta, you will do fine once you get there. Getting ready for a trip is always stressful even under the best circumstances. 

 

Order shoes and clothes for your trip, online. Try them on at home and return what doesn't work. That will take a lot of pressure off of you having to go out. 

 

I have found that, when I travel, once I get there, I actually do a bit better. There are more distractions and you are forced to endure any symptoms. So instead of worrying about how crummy you feel, you are able to overlook them a bit easier. 

 

 

Prayers and hugs. 

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