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Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017


Rosetta

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@Rosetta I’m sorry to see that you have had lots of issues lately. ☹️  I understand the feelings surrounding your daughter and husband—or lack of connection. I’ve experienced the intensity that you’re talking about and it’s very anxiety provoking. I hope you are giving yourself some grace during this time. You really are doing the very best you can!!  Do you listen to any inspiring music?  Sometimes letting myself hear the words of a good song that tells me I’m going be okay is really helpful. 

Hugs—-Sheera

Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015

May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely.

October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016.

 

Currently off all antidepressants

 

Current Supplements:  L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic

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Thanks, @Sheera. It's so nice of you to post here.  

 

@Rabe @wantrelief @Dejavu  Thanks for your comments.  

 

I'm holding on here.  The anxiety is in my chest, and I feel jittery.  I think I'm having low level aka.

 

Last night and the night before weren't as bad as they have been lately.  I had spikes, and I woke up this morning at 7:00 with a bad one, but the ruminating wasn't as bad.  I was awake for a shorter period of time.  When I woke up at 7:00 I felt as if I had just had a near car accident.  Pounding heart, etc.  I'm still affected by it at 10:20.  I fell slight naseous.  My jaw is tight.

 

Yesterday I let my daughter have a friend over.  It was okay.  In the afternoon I felt calmer.  They didn't argue.  That was a relief.  This particular little girl gets into arguments with mine.  Her mom is really nice.  So I try to keep up the contact for my sake.  They are neighbors.  I hope to have more than 2 friends again someday.  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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On 7/26/2019 at 11:40 PM, Rosetta said:

but I was able to go for a walk, to see my daughter surf, and I swam in the ocean.  That's an improvement over the day before!  I got cold quickly.  It felt kind of good.  Not like it should, but kinda of good.  My daughter had a good day.  That was nice.  

This brought a soft smile t my face Rosetta...I am so glad to hear of this time you shared with your daughter.

 

On 7/26/2019 at 11:40 PM, Rosetta said:

 With the director leaving I feel that -- I don't know what exactly -- that the bubble popped and my 3 year has disappeared?

I can understand this Rosetta I think...I might feel that the director knew her from little on and has all of that in her own mind...on tape so to speak.  With her leaving perhaps you feel those memories, stories, familiarity with your daughter and knowledge of her and stories of her are going with her?  Does she ever write something about the children there?  Would you like to have her share some things with you before she leaves so that you dont leave your daughter behind there but take her with you...on paper or tape or something?  You seem to like her a lot and respect her...a kind person... and I just feel if you shared your feelings with her she would do that for you.  

 

On 7/26/2019 at 11:40 PM, Rosetta said:

I don't look at pictures or videos of her from when she was little.  I'm afraid it will be too painful.

time has flown and i wonder how.  I miss my life with my children so much...but they are still here...it is just very different.  I encourage you to get as many videos and pictures as you can all along the way...you will never regret having them to look back on...I can promise you that.  I do believe that you would regret not getting them....as hard as that is right now.  

 

On 7/26/2019 at 11:40 PM, Rosetta said:

I felt as if I had left my little toddler there.  It was as if the past was right there within inches of the present, and I had walked away and driven off without my child.  In reality she was sitting behind me in the car.  

Im sorry Rosetta....I hear the pain you are feeling.  I think the truth is the past is within inches of the present because time passes do quickly.  She IS with you and I promise you that you will have many lovely special times with her as you move forward.  Gather those as well as as much of the past as you can and it will be a most precious and beautiful bouquet that will never ever die because it lives in your heart and your mind.  

I hope these past days have been better for you.  I love you my dear friend!  💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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{{{Rosetta}}} sending you big hugs and lots of love and hope.

xo

DMV

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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Thanks. DMV and Rabe.

 

Still having bad spikes, feeling very anxious in the morning for many hours.  Walking helps but tires me out.  I stayed home today. I fell asleep for a little while on the couch and did not have a spike.  That was good.  I didn't feel relaxed afterward either.  

 

I did about 1/2 an hour of purging today.  

 

Today is Tuesday.  On Sunday we went to the beach with one of my daughter's friends.  We had a nice time.  I got no rest on the weekend as we were out both Sat and Sun.  

 

Same will happen this weekend.  Then I have to go to see my mother on the next Wednesday.  Coming back on a Monday.   Then I'll have 2 weeks before we leave for Spain.  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Oh my goodness....you have lots ahead of you dont you?  Im sorry you are still not feeling more balanced Rosetta.  Do you think all that is coming up is causing some of it?  Feeling some overwhelmed?  Just have been thinking about you a lot today and wanted you to know.  Love and hugs!💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Hi @Rabe. Thank you.  Today is much better.  Very low anxiety today.  In the night I was awake for too long, but my thoughts weren't torturing me the way they have been lately.  I didn't feel totally safe and relaxed, but it was much better.  There was a spike and I woke up scared.  It dissipated instead of increasing after I awoke.  

 

Im feeling ok right now.  In fact, I think I have a bit of anhedonia.  Not much, but I feel much less sadness.  I feel what is probably a normal level of anxiety given the circumstances:. There's no way I will be "ready" to go to Spain.  I'll just have to go without being ready -- buy whatever I need there, do without, etc.. Kinda of how I live here -- a low quality of life compared to what it should be, but what can I do?

 

We have to survive this any way we can.  It's utterly absurd how long this is taking.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Read your posts every day, our stories are so similar. It since to see you getting a break. You will do good in Spain, nothing there that will hurt you any more than where you are. Keep posting, you always help me. Thank you 

 

*Currently at 8.2-8.5 mg of my 10mg pill of Paxil (they actually weigh 12.5mg) 

january 2023 I began reducing my med again. I was a 9mg weight for years, I went to 8.9 in January, went to 8.6mg in February, and in March 2023 I went down to 8.5-8.2 mg ( my scale varies, so I stick within that .3 range because of that) 

*No other supplements or vitamins 

*Taper schedule in the pdf 

Blank.pdf

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-5vShtJtwAOGA30OxIP87steLmMdFzD29F0fzAPD564

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5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Today is much better.  Very low anxiety today.

Oh that is wonderful to hear, Rosetta.....I am so glad that today is a better one for you.  I am thinking about you - WR.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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Hi Rosetta wishing you a good evening. Try not to worry too much about future stuff.

You know how it goes with the withdrawal stuff anyways it can go sideways in  minutes.

I'm really happy you're getting breaks from the anxiety.

Sleep well tonight my friend wishing you good dreams and a restful sleep.

Russ

 

 

March-2017-Dec-2017 ativanCT /reinstated ativan 1mg tapered 2 months/June 2017-April 2018 zyprexa 10mg switched to seroquel 200-300mg in april 2018/dec-2017-present zoloft 100mg/ quit seroquel 200-300mg cold turkey May 6 2018 reinstated seroquel 100mg around May 25 2018 since then tapered to 50mg zoloft and 50 mg of seroquel presently other medications Testosterone cypionate 2oomg every 4 days

UPDATE -August 20 2018--october 20 2018 tapered off Testosterone/Nov 7 2018 --Dec 20 2018 Lamictal micro dose 2.50mg 1 1/2 weeks then reduced to 1.25 then fast tapered as it became paridoxial.nausea- racing thoughts- agitation and insomnia.

August 28 2018 to Present Cannabis indica micro dose PM bedtime only.

Presently Seroquel 37.5 mg bedtime /Zoloft 47mg morning

May 2018-Present Multivitamin/ Bcomplex/Vit C 1000MG/B12 1000MCG/Fish oils 2grams/

Jan 2019-Trace mineral liquid low dose

Update dec 2019 -29mg of zoloft tapering/Seroquel 37.5 holding/1 or 2  ativan 1mg a month as needed if that.

Black seed oil-caprylic acid-/b complex/b12/multi/D/E/melatonin

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I am happy and grateful to read that you are some better Rosetta.  I hope it continues for you.  Seems eons since you talked about going to Spain and now it is almost here!  Hard to believe! Love an hugs dear friend!💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Thanks @Rabe @RusTW @wantrelief @Vonnegutjunky

 

I'm still hanging in there.  Last night was better.  I didn't sleep well, but I wasn't miserable when I was awake.  There was a time period when I was feeling intense grief for my grandmother, grandfather and my home with them.  I felt like I was a child and had been separated from them as a child.  It seemed as if they were still there, but I can't see them.  Very emotionally painful.  Eventually I fell asleep again.  After light, I woke up with a spike earlier than usual and the time travel feeling was gone.  

 

Anxiety is high in the mornings and stays for too long, but not all day.  I'm not getting much done.  Mostly just existing, but I've been outside, walking, swimming, seeing people.  Yesterday I went to the beach, walked, swam.  Today I saw a friend, and I was able to go in a pool.  The overstimulation isn't as much of a problem these days as evidenced by my ability to go into the ocean and a pool.  I think Akathisia is almost entirely absent.  

 

Today I stayed home while my daughter went to camp.  I saw a friend and her 5 year old.  He's a handful.  It wasn't relaxing, but I had a hour or two by myself later.

 

The next week is going to be quite taxing.  I'm not sure how I will cope.  I'm very tired.  Being anxious takes so much energy.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Hi Rosetta sorry to hear you're having to go through the emotional stuff. Especially when you're trying to sleep. Good job at powering through all these symptoms.

Russ

March-2017-Dec-2017 ativanCT /reinstated ativan 1mg tapered 2 months/June 2017-April 2018 zyprexa 10mg switched to seroquel 200-300mg in april 2018/dec-2017-present zoloft 100mg/ quit seroquel 200-300mg cold turkey May 6 2018 reinstated seroquel 100mg around May 25 2018 since then tapered to 50mg zoloft and 50 mg of seroquel presently other medications Testosterone cypionate 2oomg every 4 days

UPDATE -August 20 2018--october 20 2018 tapered off Testosterone/Nov 7 2018 --Dec 20 2018 Lamictal micro dose 2.50mg 1 1/2 weeks then reduced to 1.25 then fast tapered as it became paridoxial.nausea- racing thoughts- agitation and insomnia.

August 28 2018 to Present Cannabis indica micro dose PM bedtime only.

Presently Seroquel 37.5 mg bedtime /Zoloft 47mg morning

May 2018-Present Multivitamin/ Bcomplex/Vit C 1000MG/B12 1000MCG/Fish oils 2grams/

Jan 2019-Trace mineral liquid low dose

Update dec 2019 -29mg of zoloft tapering/Seroquel 37.5 holding/1 or 2  ativan 1mg a month as needed if that.

Black seed oil-caprylic acid-/b complex/b12/multi/D/E/melatonin

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Terror.  It's very rare for me now.  It doesn't happen in the daytime any longer.  How to describe it?  So difficult.  There is only the now, and it's horrifying.  I used to say it was as if I was sitting in a horror movie all the time.  That doesn't really describe it.  Its so hard to believe that taking that medicine created an infinitely worse situation in our brains than what was there before.  That was child's play.   Know you are not alone, this is not "you" and that it won't last forever.  You may not even remember it very well.  I don't.  It's like a dream or a story someone told me.  It wasn't real.  It never was real except inside my mind.  There it was very real.  I suspect DR has something to do with it.  All I could do was distract, but tv shows and movies seemed far too real, too.  Books felt real.  It's definitely a phenomenon of having difficulty distinguishing between real and imaginary on an emotional level.  It's not hallucination quite.  It's not psychosis.  It's a feeling, not an apparition.  It's terror with full knowledge that nothing is actually happening.  I think that's why the brain interprets it as impending doom.  I call it a daymare.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Rosetta I can so much relate with what you're talkin about that I hate going to sleep because sometimes I don't know how it's going to turn out.

It does feel like an altered reality.

Where you feel alone and there's no way out. The good thing is we can work hard to remember the windows.

That daymare your talkin about . Do you ever have fragments of dreams of the night prior fragmented in to your thinking.

I have what you're talking about and it's really puzzling to me because it feels like my subconscious mind is working at the same time my conscious mind is competing very bizarre.

March-2017-Dec-2017 ativanCT /reinstated ativan 1mg tapered 2 months/June 2017-April 2018 zyprexa 10mg switched to seroquel 200-300mg in april 2018/dec-2017-present zoloft 100mg/ quit seroquel 200-300mg cold turkey May 6 2018 reinstated seroquel 100mg around May 25 2018 since then tapered to 50mg zoloft and 50 mg of seroquel presently other medications Testosterone cypionate 2oomg every 4 days

UPDATE -August 20 2018--october 20 2018 tapered off Testosterone/Nov 7 2018 --Dec 20 2018 Lamictal micro dose 2.50mg 1 1/2 weeks then reduced to 1.25 then fast tapered as it became paridoxial.nausea- racing thoughts- agitation and insomnia.

August 28 2018 to Present Cannabis indica micro dose PM bedtime only.

Presently Seroquel 37.5 mg bedtime /Zoloft 47mg morning

May 2018-Present Multivitamin/ Bcomplex/Vit C 1000MG/B12 1000MCG/Fish oils 2grams/

Jan 2019-Trace mineral liquid low dose

Update dec 2019 -29mg of zoloft tapering/Seroquel 37.5 holding/1 or 2  ativan 1mg a month as needed if that.

Black seed oil-caprylic acid-/b complex/b12/multi/D/E/melatonin

Link to comment

Hi Rosetta...Im glad for all you have been able to do!

 

DO you have a 'calm place'?  A place where you can go in you mind that is beautiful, peaceful, and safe?  Im wondering if your grandmothers?  I know it helps me to go there to calm sometimes.  DOesnt work all the time must usually some, especially in mornings.  Love and hugs!!!💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment
22 hours ago, Rosetta said:

 It's not hallucination quite.  It's not psychosis.  It's a feeling, not an apparition.  It's terror with full knowledge that nothing is actually happening.  I think that's why the brain interprets it as impending doom.  I call it a daymare.

OMG yes! Exactly. I am having it less and less, but it's horrifying when I am there. There is nothing else - just like you said. 

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

Link to comment

The positive: yesterday I had heat exhaustion, but I recovered, and I was able to take my daughter to a birthday party in the early evening.  We had gone to the zoo with someone from out of town, and it was too much.  We were at the zoo from 10:30 to about 3.  I drank and drank, but I think I started the day dehydrated.  That was my mistake.  I had to take a cool bath to recover.  Drinking wasn't enough.  I was ok by 5:00, and I was fine the rest of the day.  I think this means that my body is coping better with adversity.

 

The cortisol/adrenaline spikes continue.  I had 4,this morning.  One around 2:00 am, another after that, and one at about 6:30 am.    The last was small at 8:15.  The despair and sense of loss I feel is so intense from some of them.  This morning I feel defeated.  I need the spikes to stop.  Maybe I should try magnesium again.  I'm afraid to do that.  

 

Today we have another birthday party.  That's good.

 

I need to stop reading the news, but I can't help myself.  Why I hope it will make me feel better I can't understand.  I feel that I need to be reminded of the threats out there so that I can be vigilant.  I'm literally afraid to ignore the news.  Yet, it always makes me feel worse.  Today especially, of course.  Everyone is feeling upset, I know.  It would be better off if I ignored the news, I think.  I will worry about what might happen if I do.  However, I think I would be less anxious overall -- if I were not in a protracted WD.  So, I keep wanting to try to see if I would be less anxious regardless.  

 

If I turn my attention to the house, I get anxious.  I really only feel ok if I'm out and about doing something that requires all my attention.  People, kids, parks, get togethers.  Those occupy my attention and calm me.  It's reverse social anxiety!!  

 

When I am awake in the night I worry about losing pictures, my daughter growing up, how messy the house is and being unable to invite people over and form or strengthen friendships.  Yet if someone comes over with kids, it's overwhelming.  They make a mess with the toys, and I feel completely worn out when they leave.  It's best if the kids stay outside.  I won't have this problem in Spain.  We will be out a lot.  Our place is so small we won't have company.  I will probably worry about my home here though.

 

I never feel rested.  I'm very alert during the day, however.  I get very tired and fall asleep by about 8:00 or 9:00.  I sleep well from about 9:00 to about midnight or 2:00.  Then I get the spikes.  I don't know whether I sleep well in between, but I suppose not very often.  I wake up very alert usually.  This morning I was able to fall asleep again after the 6:30 spike, and I slept until 8:15 or so.  I woke up with another small spike.  Right now, my jaw and neck are tense and my stomach feels that sick feeling after an adrenalin jolt.

 

I need to wash clothes and figure out what to take to Spain.  I'm running out of time.  I need to buy some things.  I can't bring myself to do either.  I try, but I start to feel overwhelmed.  I wash clothes but I can't organize them or sort them.  There's no room to do it it seems, but that's not true.   It's my brain that is disorganized and cluttered the most.  I think I'm having a bit of Akathisia today.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Falling asleep in the middle of the day is something I have been experiencing for a while now.  Even while sitting up in a chair.  It happens when I am having a day without much anxiety after the cortisol spike/morning anxiety wears off.  It will happen for a day or two and then not again for weeks.  I think it's a part of the nervous system healing -- the episodes of anxiety starting to become less frequent.  Now, I take it as a good sign, but at first I was alarmed.  Today I fell asleep.  My husband woke me up, unfortunately.  My daughter was with grandma, and I could have had a bit of rest, but No as my husband was home.  As soon as I'm awake, that's it.  Alerting hormones are off and running.  I need a quiet, calm place on these days so that I can actually get rest, but that's nearly impossible for me to arrange.  I never know when I will have a day when I can nap.  It happens out of the blue.

 

Insomnia tonight.  I slept from about 10:00 pm to about 2:00 maybe.  It's 6:15 am, and I'm still awake.  Sigh.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Hi Rosetta. I have been off SA for a while trying to cope and heal. Reading too many posts can make the healing more difficult, for me. 

 

It is wonderful that you are going  to Spain! What an amazing trip you are taking and what great memories you will make. 

 

I understand all of they things you describe in your posts. This is a difficult, scary and confusing recovery...to say the least! 

 

 With getting ready for your trip, try not to focus on the big picture and how much you need to do. Break the task up and just do a couple of things each day. Make is smaller in your mind and not big. 

 

Hugs to you my friend, 

Mirage

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

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Thank you @mirage. How nice to see you post here.  I hope you are healing.  I will check your thread.  

 

Thanks for the advice on packing.  It's particulary challenging for me.  There's something about all the different issues I have in WD that causes several different tendencies to form the perfect storm - disorganization to begin with.  Anxiety plus disorganization and difficulty thinking clearly in general as well as the fact that it is more difficult when I'm anxious, of course.  I'm going to have to accept that I want feel ready no matter what I do.  I rarely feel that everything is all right, and I can't make it right.  It's going to be "wrong," and I need to accept that.  I tell myself that if it's wrong nothing bad will happen just because it's wrong.  

 

I'm really wishing we could stay home now.  At night after I have been asleep for a while and I wake up I'm much more scared about going.  Clearly, there is something happening in my brain around 12:00 midnight to 5:00 am that causes fear.  I don't know if it has to do with sleep cycles or if it's the time of day in some kind of circadian rhythm malfunction or if it's simply the dysfunction in hormone production of adrenaline and cortisol.

 

In the day I'm more at peace with it, usually, albeit stressed about packing, clothes, shoes, contact lenses -- all of which I have avoided buying over the past 3 years.  

 

Being afraid to buy things is another part of WD for me that I don't discuss here. Until about a year ago, perhaps, I was terrified to spend any money.  If my husband spent it I felt safe.  I could not.  I had to get reassurance from him for everything.  I felt that we were broke even though that wasn't true.  I couldn't think clearly about our bills.  I would make lists and calendars to try to reassure myself that we would not run out of money.  I quit buying things even that we needed.  My husband had to do that.  

 

The fear of buying things has faded, but finding the energy to go and buy things is still stopping me.  I'm too anxious in the morning and too fatigued in general afternoon.  By 8:00 pm I'm desperate to lie down.  I have no good walking shoes.  They are full of holes and even the soles are wearing out.  I wear them anyway.  I need to buy a good pair of walking shoes.  I can't go to get them.  My clothes -- I have so many good clothes that don't fit because I gain weight when I'm suffering cortisol spikes frequently.  I lost some weight when I had that brief respite from those.  I gained it back.  Trying to get to appointments used to be impossible.  So, no contacts.  Only outdated, scratched glasses.  I live like an 85 year old except that I walk.  I don't do all the maintenance to keep up supplies.  I have to take my daughter out so that we don't get cabin fever -- which happens in only a few hours -- but it other than that I can't do errands.  My husband does them all.  He can't get my eyes checked for me.

 

Yep, a lot to do in the next 2 weeks.

 

Note: waking up with jaw pain/ neck tension / tension in my chest from clenching my jaw while I sleep every morning.  Worried I'll crack a tooth.  Still no Mother Nature.  Today is the 6th.  Due around the 10th or so.  However, I think I am ovulating right now.  The clenching of the jaw and joint aches are probably caused by that.  Big cortisol spike around 2:00 am.  No ruminating because I read instead of lying there trying to go gave to sleep.  Up until 6:30, and fell asleep until about 8:30.  Woke up with mild spike.  Not much anxiety built up afterward.  The spike wore off instead.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Moderator Emeritus
5 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I'm really wishing we could stay home now.

 

I dread traveling too but have found that when we do, the change or the distraction or something results in milder symptoms.  I hope that'll happen for you.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Dearest Rosetta - I wanted to thank you for all of your continued support....your encouraging messages mean so much to me.  You are so brave for going to Spain....what an amazing adventure you will have!  

 

 

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

Link to comment

You sound good Rosetta...even at best traveling is a challenge...so just thinking it through as you are i think is amazing..but then Im not surprised!

I know you will have a really good time.  I hope your hormones settle soon!! Love and hugs to you my friend!💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Happy for your venture out..You will do well.Stay positive.

 Russ

March-2017-Dec-2017 ativanCT /reinstated ativan 1mg tapered 2 months/June 2017-April 2018 zyprexa 10mg switched to seroquel 200-300mg in april 2018/dec-2017-present zoloft 100mg/ quit seroquel 200-300mg cold turkey May 6 2018 reinstated seroquel 100mg around May 25 2018 since then tapered to 50mg zoloft and 50 mg of seroquel presently other medications Testosterone cypionate 2oomg every 4 days

UPDATE -August 20 2018--october 20 2018 tapered off Testosterone/Nov 7 2018 --Dec 20 2018 Lamictal micro dose 2.50mg 1 1/2 weeks then reduced to 1.25 then fast tapered as it became paridoxial.nausea- racing thoughts- agitation and insomnia.

August 28 2018 to Present Cannabis indica micro dose PM bedtime only.

Presently Seroquel 37.5 mg bedtime /Zoloft 47mg morning

May 2018-Present Multivitamin/ Bcomplex/Vit C 1000MG/B12 1000MCG/Fish oils 2grams/

Jan 2019-Trace mineral liquid low dose

Update dec 2019 -29mg of zoloft tapering/Seroquel 37.5 holding/1 or 2  ativan 1mg a month as needed if that.

Black seed oil-caprylic acid-/b complex/b12/multi/D/E/melatonin

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Rosetta, you will do fine once you get there. Getting ready for a trip is always stressful even under the best circumstances. 

 

Order shoes and clothes for your trip, online. Try them on at home and return what doesn't work. That will take a lot of pressure off of you having to go out. 

 

I have found that, when I travel, once I get there, I actually do a bit better. There are more distractions and you are forced to endure any symptoms. So instead of worrying about how crummy you feel, you are able to overlook them a bit easier. 

 

 

Prayers and hugs. 

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

Link to comment
On 8/6/2019 at 1:23 PM, Rosetta said:

hanks for the advice on packing.  It's particulary challenging for me.  There's something about all the different issues I have in WD that causes several different tendencies to form the perfect storm - disorganization to begin with.

Rosetta-I cannot believe how much I related to what you have shared in this paragraph. I have a terrible time with disorganization. Also traveling AND fear of spending money.

I cannot go into department stores really at all. I become afraid and overwhelmed. thank you for sharing this.

-D

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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I survived.  It wasn't pretty.  Thanks for all your kind notes that I read while I was gone.  I have a head cold now, but I'm back home.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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You did it, Rosetta!  It sounds like it was rough but you made it.  I am sorry about the head cold....that is hard to cope with on top of withdrawal.  You are so very strong.  Thinking about you - WR.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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Just thinking about you Rosetta and hoping you are still doing ok!!  When do you leave?  Love and hugs to you my friend!!  💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Hello Rosetta

 

Thank you for your kind messages.  I hope things continuing on a bit of an improvement curve for you.

 

Warmest wishes

 

Neroli 💜

2006 Citalopram 20mg on and off to 2013.  April 2013 - July 2014  Sertraline, Venlafaxine, Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine v. bad reactions. July 2014 - CT Mirtazapine.  July 2014 - February 2016 Medication free, long term w/d.  February - July 2016 Fluoxetine.  Medication free, long term w/d syndrome.  2017 Jan physical breakdown.

2017 February - March Escitalopram, Nortriptyline instated.  Lorazepam, Zopiclone PRN.  April 2017 Lithium Carbonate 250mg 1 wk. 14 August 2017 finish cross to Diazepam 22.5mg daily, stop Zopiclone

Tapers:

Diazepam 

2017 21 August - 30 Dec 21.25mg to 14.5mg 2018 6 Jan - 11 May to 12mg.  2 June updose to 12.25mg - hold. 2019 (0.5mg cuts) 12 Jan - 28 Dec 12mg to 10mg 2020 (0.25mg cuts) - 25 Jan - 29 Dec 9.75mg to 6.25mg 2021 *May have bungled dose and accidentally took 1mg more for about a month (7.25mg), so 4 Jan started again at 6.5mg; 19 Jan 6.25mg; 1 Feb 6.0mg; 23 Feb 5.75mg; 9 Mar 5.5mg; 23 Mar 5.25mg; 9 Apr 5.0mg; 6 May 4.75mg; 13 May 4.5mg; 6 Jun 4mg; 12 July 3.5mg; 2 sep 3.0mg; 15 Sep 2.5mg; 1 Nov 2mg; 15 Nov 1.5mg; 16 Dec 1mg; 26 Dec 0.5mg; 2022 1 Jan - OFF

Escitalopram - 2022 1 Mar to 9mg; 29 Mar 8mg; 24 May 7mg; 21 Jun 5mg; 19 Jul 4mg; 1 Sep 3mg; 23 Sep 2.5mg; 31 Oct 1.5mg; 22 Nov 0.5mg; 2023 1 Jan 0.25mg; 1 Mar OFF

Nortriptyline  2018 90mg to 2020 1 Dec down to 72.5mg; 2021 20 May 70mg; 8 Jun 67.5mg; 24 Jun 65mg; 31 July 60mg; 12 Oct 55mg; 23 Oct 50mg; 2022 13 Jan 40mg; 22 Jan 30mg; 29 Mar 20mg; 26 Apr 10mg; 3 Aug 5mg; 23 Sep 2.5mg; 2023 1 Jan - OFF

 

1 March 2023 - off all drugs - 6-year taper off three drugs.

 

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Thanks, everyone.  I'll recover eventually.

 

Right now the prolonged WD symptoms are not too bad during the day except for constant anxiety.  After a few hours of sleep they are worse.  My first night back, I had very strong and painful muscle contractions in my face and neck.  I couldn't breathe due to congestion from my cold, and that was probably causing some of the muscle issues, but it felt like dystonia.  I continue to awaken in a panic during the night every night.  Some nights it's stronger than others.  One night it was accompanied by nausea.  

 

It's been difficult since I returned. I'm in a state of PTSD, I believe.  It's fading slowly.  The feeling that everything is wrong is strong.  Perhaps it's mild derealization.  There no organization in my head.  

 

I'm having a hard time getting ready to leave, of course.  I did sort my daughter's clothes, and I bought a few new ones for her.  I'm lucky I was able to do that.  Getting the house ready for someone to stay here is very challenging.  I'm in a constant state of anxiety over that.  I'm desperate to clear out space and clean, but I can't throw things away.  I see things I want to throw away, but then I see things next to them that I want to keep and organize, and I feel overwhelmed by the task.  I'm afraid I'll throw away something my daughter loves -- that is a huge part of the problem.  I'm also afraid I'll throw away something I will regret tossing.  I really need to pack everything up and deal with it later, but I try and I feel uncomfortable with putting it all in one bin -- with mixing it all together into a more chaotic mess.  I think I'm not sufficiently healed to do anything.  Of course, being through the trauma of seeing my mother didn't help.

 

While I was away I had the same problem with panicky wake ups, but it was mildler.  I had only one night of bad insomnia while I was away.  I have been back for 5 nights now.  The emotional issues continue to strong during the night, too.  Seeing my mother and dealing with her extreme eccentricities was very hard.  She's an odd germaphobe who has lived alone for over 30 years.  Many of her attempts to avoid germs actually create more opportunities for germs to proliferate.  After 5 days with her while trying to care for my daughter there I was very overwrought.  

 

She doesn't have a trash can not even in the bathroom.  She hangs a large, 30 gallon trash bag off of the front of the stove in the kitchen.  I have to touch it to open it in order to put trash in it.  After I left, I realized that she doesn't use the sink in the bathroom at all.  She uses the kitchen sink for everything, and she never cooks.  She doesn't have hand towels or kitchen towels -- only paper towels and no dispenser at all anywhere.  She thinks towels carry germs, but I needed two hands to get a paper towel.  So I'm constantly touching the top of the paper towels.  These sorts of things really wear on me after a few days.   My mind isn't good at finding solutions right now, and I couldn't work around her odd situation.  I simply suffered it.  Her overuse of plastic -- throwing out one or two 30 gallon plastic bags with a few paper towels at the bottom of each every single day -- makes my skin crawl, but it's a germaphobe issue for her.   It's the sort of thing I could have handled years ago.  She should live however she's comfortable, but now I feel threatened by these matters.  

 

She doesn't even have salt or sugar or oil.  She has no frying pan.  She drinks three or four cups of coffee starting at about 5:00 am, and she goes out for fast food around noon.  She doesn't eat again until 24 hours later.  How can a germaphobe eat fast food?  One meal a day is all she has.  She couldn't eat with us, and we found it difficult to eat there anyway.  I boiled eggs, and we had cereal and yogurt.  That's all we could do.  Even that was hard.  Besides her china coffee cups, she has real, antique china plates only, a few extremely cheap plastic bowls that can't be used in the microwave, and a few water glasses.  That's it.  I think the plastic bowls were for us and she never actually uses the china plates or water glasses. The last day I found some stoneware plates wrapped in newspapers.  One morning I was trying to prepare coffee when I found that she had put the china coffee cups in the upper cupboard full of soap and water.  My husband tried to go grocery shopping, but he returned to find there was no salt and no oil.  So we went grocery shopping again.  Then we came back and realized there was no frying pan.  We gave up the idea of eating there which meant we ate very poorly.  Finally we bought some frozen dinners for that last day.

 

She doesn't bathe very often, and she smells.  She smells of perfume and a strange body odor that I can't describe.  It's so strong it lingers in the bathroom after she "bathes," which I think consists of using baby wipes somehow.  She doesn't shower; she never has.  She only bathes, but sitting in soapy water can cause infections.  So, she doesn't do that now.  She has bubble bath, but she says she doesn't sit in the bath with bubbles.  I have no idea what she does.  She worried that the residue of the bubble bath in the tub would hurt my daughter when she took a bath.   I guess she's afraid of soap, and she's afraid of germs.  It worries me that she's not clean.  She does laundry everyday at least.  It's a lot of water and energy to use, but considering the lack of bathing  . . .

 

She thinks she has dry skin so she puts some expensive lotion on her face in a very thick layer that actually drips down her cheeks.  She expects me to talk to her and look at her while this is happening.  She did that again on the day before I left, and I completely lost my temper.  It was the final straw.  She said she did it so that she could go outside with us!!  As if the lotion was for sunscreen, I suppose.  It isn't sunscreen.  The humidity there was high, and the temp was in the 80s.  She said she lets the lotion "evaporate" off of her face.  She says the doctor told her to do this.  The germaphobia is strangely mixed with some phobia about her skin condition which is undoubtedly exacerbated by her attempts to remedy it.  The odd lotion use seems like a sure fire way to get a skin infection.  She leaves the bottles of it sitting open all the time.  I expected the long term use of Prozac to affect her, and the skin issue is relatively new.  The phobia is getting worse.  I didn't take any pictures of her with my daughter because she looks so strange with white patches of dried, gloopy lotion on her cheeks.

 

We were there too long.  Between the direct flights being expensive and spaced out and my need for two banking days in case something went wrong the first day we were there too many days.

 

I have so much anger toward her for the fact that she ignored me in favor of a revolving door of boyfriends from the time I was 12 and failing to even leave food in the house for me, never attending my after school events, driving away my friends, etc.. To see her becoming even more eccentric is extremely threatening.  I have no siblings that are related to her.  Her paperwork is in shambles.  She expects me to help her, but it's so hard to see her.  

 

She let me flail about as a pre-teen and teenager completely oblivious to my basic needs.  I am so scarred by that.  Sometimes it's the world I live in during the night.  When I wake up from a cortisol spike at 12:30, I feel that I'm re-living my teens when nothing made sense, and I was helpless.

 

When I finally lost my cool over the face lotion issue I got the whole guilt trip, shaming, "everyone feels you are an ungrateful brat" treatment from her.  She said, "Everyone told me to just stay calm."  "This is ridiculous."  "This shouldn't bother you."  "We're family; whatever happened in the past, we have to just go on and love each other."  "The doctor told me to do this."  I hear all of this and it's reminiscent of the gas lighting and invalidation that she had thrown at me as a teenager.  

 

It's 10:30.  I need to get up, eat, and try to get something accomplished today.

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Oh wow Rosetta! This sounds so hard and so so triggering. I really feel for you, and little you growing up. It is amazing the person you are, the person you have become growing up through all that. Much love to you.

XO 

DMV

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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TWO and a HALF years since rapid taper off all drugs.

 

Thank you, DMV.  The last two nights have been better.  Still waking up and staying awake too long, but there has been less rumination.  Maybe I'm seeing some overall calming of my system.  I hope so.  This is such a slow, slow process.  I am better than 6 months ago.  I'm still having a lot problems with muscle tension.  Jaw clenching in my sleep is pretty bad.  My arms ache much of the time.  My joints ache especially my knees and elbows.  Anxiety is still very frequent and is usually less intense in the evenings.  If I don't get to bed early enough anxiety ramps up again.  My overall physical condition is poor.  I feel weak in terms of my muscles in my legs.  I'm fatigued often.  During the last stretch of wave I gained weight.  I think I lose weight during window-ish periods and gain weight during wave-ish periods.  My appetite is poor, but I get very hungry if I don't eat.  Nothing seems appetizing if I try to think of what I want, but if food is put in front of me I eat it.  I think this is part of a problem with my imagination that comes and goes.  

 

Yesterday was a day I could not help but take a nap.  I was at my MIL's when the excessive sleepiness hit.  It was a fitful sleep with a lot of noise around me, and it was too hot to sleep.  I kept falling asleep and hearing noises in a half awake state.  The noises did not ramp up my system the way having my daughter wake me again and again might even though she was making the noise.  She was being cared for by her grandmother, and I was getting a break.  I think that helped.  Finally, my phone rang and a friend was calling. That woke me up.  I went for a walk for an hour and a half after that.  This morning I woke up with severe tension in my jaw, temples, neck and chest from clenching my jaw in my sleep.  

 

My daughter has camp this week.  So, it's back to the grind of driving her back and forth again 30-45 minutes each way.  At least she'll get activity and be more tired at night.  

 

I have 14 days to be ready to fly.  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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About dystonia:

 

As for dystonia, it's slowly resolving.  I think Celexa caused it.  I know when it started -- not long after I started Celexa over 18 years ago in 2000 or 2001. My toes started cramping severely within a short time.  I had "sleep apnea," and it was finally diagnosed in 2003.  That was only a few years after starting Celexa. Now that I'm healing from the rapid taper, I don't think I have trouble breathing at night, but I still have jaw clenching and muscle contractions in my neck while I sleep.  I think that I had sleep apnea because of dystonia or muscle tension at night caused by Celexa or possibly inconsistent dosing of Celexa.  

 

If I had been warned about dystonia and monitored for that I probably would have quit Celexa.  But there was no real medical oversight or even interest in monitoring side effects, of course.  I only know in hind sight what the symptoms meant.  I wasn't aware of the word "dystonia" until after I found SA about 35 months ago.  

 

Dystonia worsened over the years I took Celexa.  I was falling down stairs in 2006.  I became more and more clumsy overtime especially during my period.  Now, I can see that all my "withdrawal" symptoms are worse during my period.  That explains my clumsiness.  I was in and out of dysautonomia (protracted withdrawal) from the time I started taking Celexa.  I had no idea that consistent dosing was so important.  

 

It's possible my dystonia was worsened by Xanax in 2016 or Trazodone in 2017 or simply quitting Zoloft in February of 2017.  It became very strong after I quit all drugs.  It's slowly fading, but even now I'm uncoordinated whether I feel the muscle contraction or not.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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I'm having less rumination in the night.  I continue to have surges of cortisol with fearful wake ups.  I'm awake too long afterward, but there are no waking nightmares going on.  

 

Mornings are quite anxious.  Today I stayed home in the morning.  I went to lunch with a friend at 12:30.  By then I was calm enough to go.  It was hard to drive -- I was jittery.  

 

I'm anxious before bed, too, but the anxiety is in my limbs.  

 

I had tummy troubles today.  This sems to be the 4th month with no period, but I'm having all sorts of indications that my hormones are operating at a lower level.  Tenderness, anxiety.

 

My elbows are very sore.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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