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Rosetta

Rosetta: CT May 2011 and too fast taper Feb 2017

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Gridley

Rosetta,

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence.  It means a lot to me.

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wantrelief
2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I, personally, think these medications make us LESS resilient.  I think they somehow take away the brain's ability to adjust when life circumstances throw us a curve ball.

This really resonated with me, Rosetta.  It is exactly how I have felt for the many years I've tried to come off of ADs as stress would throw me into full-on withdrawal and then I would updose trying to find that stable place again (although the last attempt at updosing didn't work so I have concluded citalopram is no longer working for me).  I was curious what your thoughts are of resiliency returning after years of medication use?  I am hoping with enough self-care we can gain back what we have lost in terms of resiliency as we find other ways to cope which we may not have been doing while relying on medication to carry us through.

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Rosetta
1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

I was curious what your thoughts are of resiliency returning after years of medication use?  I am hoping with enough self-care we can gain back what we have lost in terms of resiliency as we find other ways to cope which we may not have been doing while relying on medication to carry us through.

 

Hi Wantrelief,

 

On one hand I think we will get it back, but I'm feeling so discouraged right now.  It's hard to have a positive thought.  I will try to engage my analytical talents:

 

I have no reason to think we don't get it back.  I am much more resilient -- with regard to little things mind you -- right now than I was even a month ago.  I've never seen anyone write that it will not come back.  Hopefully, someone who has healed completely will answer this for us Or point us to some essay on the subject.  Anyone?  

 

Consider Altostrata.  Imagine the stress she deals with everyday being responsible for this website.  All the people who are literally "crazy" in WD getting into tiffs.  All the problems of normal human interaction.  The people who make money off of pharmaceuticals who would like nothing more than to see opinions like hers stamped out.  She handles it well.  Monica Cassini decided that she couldn't continue Beyond Meds, but her website model was much different.  I hope that Altostrata has hit upon something that works for her and that she feels her resiliency has returned.  Would she continue otherwise?  Maybe, but surely she's not without the support she needs to do so.

 

I suppose the theory I have on why we lose resiliency while supposedly "stable" on meds could be informative.  The reason I think we lose resiliency seemingly out of the blue is that too many of the receptors are occupied and/or the body stops making the neurotransmitters while we are on meds.  Then, there's not enough "wiggle room" --plasticity--left to deal with life's ups and downs.  I think it's possible that "virgin brains" are fluctuating in the amounts of neurotransmitters a lot more than anyone dares to imagine. This probably happens not only with regard to stress but the changes in sunlight throughout the year.  So, the person on meds is vulnerable.  I formed this theory out of almost nothing.  I haven't given it much thought, but it's based mostly on my own descent into a place of poor cognitive functioning and ever increasing anxiety while on Celexa from 2001 to 2011. My experience after the switch to Zoloft in 2011 was more of the same albeit much more pronounced and horrific.

 

I've seen opinions that not only is depression not "caused" by a lack of serotonin between the synapses, but that some people who are depressed have too much serotonin.  We know now that the serotonin theory is BS that was made up out of thin air to market the drugs.  We also know that serotonin is not the whole story by any stretch.  Then, of course, there is the gut, and all the crazy things the Monsantos of the world are doing to our food, water and air.  How much do things such as pesticides and fracking hurt people and their brains and therefore affect their neurotransmitters?

 

So, I feel that going forward we have to protect ourselves from living lives that we have not been built to live.  While stress is unavoidable, there are a lot of daily stressors that we might be able to choose to avoid.  (Might.). That way when it's time to react to major stress maybe we will be ready.  That's true for all people, but simply more true for us, and I realize that this is said from a position of extreme privilege.  To be able to control what one eats, drinks and breathes is difficult enough for any of us, but moreso for some.  I hope that as I get better I can do better to avoid as many factors that might cause stress on my body, mind and gut as possible in the hopes that I will get resilience back.

 

In short, I'm hopeful that rather than being less able to regulate neurotransmitters that we will be even more capable of regulating them after we are healed than we were able to while on the meds.  Without that interference of the med happening all the time maybe we can get a natural fluctuation of all neurotransmitters going again by being careful about what we eat, drink and breathe and trying to live in a way that is more suitable for the bodies and brains we have.  It's possible that if this WD experience teaches us -- forces us -- to do that we will be healthier and more resilient than people who are putting the pedal to the metal, but haven't yet tried a med to help them cope.

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Rosetta
9 hours ago, DrugfreeProf said:

You WILL make it and you will be happy again.

 

Thank you so much.  I'm very tired.  It is nice to hear your encouragement that the anxiety will go.  Your offer to my husband I will pass along.  Thank you.  That's very generous of you.  -- Rosetta

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wantrelief
16 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

On one hand I think we will get it back, but I'm feeling so discouraged right now.  It's hard to have a positive thought.  I will try to engage my analytical talents:

 

I have no reason to think we don't get it back.  I am much more resilient -- with regard to little things mind you -- right now than I was even a month ago.  

Wow - thank you so much for sharing your eloquently written thoughts.  I quoted you first saying you felt discouraged and then your statement that you feel more resilient than you did a month ago - hopefully that will help you feel less discouraged. :) I think your theory about why we lose resiliency while on meds is as good as any and I like your positive thinking that we will be more resilient in the end!  

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Cheeky

Hi Rosetta,

I have just read your thread and think you are one tough lady to have gone through Ct of antidepressants and being a mother the same time.

You always seem to give great advice to people on this site and I commend you on that. 

How do you do it !!!!

Your comments on other people have helped me alot, even though you dont know it.

stay strong your amazing

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Kristine

Hey Lovely Rosetta,  I have just read your inspiring post to WR (hi WR!)...you are so inspiring, thoughtful and wise.  Your words make so much sense and it was just the boost I needed today. Thank you :) K xo

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Rosetta

Hard day, but it could have been worse like it was when I had Akathisia and constant anxiety.  My feelings are the worst part.  When I recount the day, it seems silly to have been so miserable all day.  Obviously a neuro emotional day.

 

Day 14 of my cycle.

 

My gastro system has stopped working again.  No discomfort, but no action either.  

Dystonia/muscle tension off and on -- upon awakening and coinciding with reading.

Cortisol very early this morning -- I moved from the bed I share with my daughter to her bedroom at this point, put on a sleep mask and eventually --after a lot of cortisol misery-- went back to sleep.  She kicks me too much for me to stay asleep in the bed with her after about 4:30 or 5 a.m.  If I stay Illhave 3 or 4 cortisol awakenings in one morning! It's very encouraging that I got back to sleep.  Maybe my solution is to move every night the first time I wake up.

It was dress like an animal day at school.  So, my daughter had ears on her headband, and I drew a little, black, kitty nose and whiskers on her face.  I'm glad I could rally to do that for her.

 

I volunteered in my daughter's classroom, and I was very irritated in general.  Nothing was really wrong, just me.

 

Depression? Anhedonia? A little of both?  -- all day.  This feels like what Downbutnotout describes.  I'm getting up, going out, getting sunshine, walking, eating, etc. -- all the things necessary to combat depression -- but I feel very depressed and I can't enjoy anything very much.  It must be a neurotransmitter problem.  This is all I did today:

 

I got my daughter ready for school and took her to school.

I volunteered in her class, and I walked home.

I went to lunch at an Irish pub and enjoyed the corned beef boxty quite a bit.  So, food tastes good today.  I had water only.

I had a mag bath last night; I had magnesium 2x today.

I walked to the school to pick up my daughter and walked her home.

I walked in the park alone, and I was very unhappy the whole time, but I did notice the beauty of the green grass and oak lined paths, and the creek and the sycamores with their white trunks and dead, brown leaves.  I'm still sad about the dead, white egret I found two days ago, but at least the body was gone today.  Yesterday, it was still there.  I had been enjoying seeing that egret for the last few months, and looked forward to my walks because I might see it.  I was pretty crushed to find it on the bank on Tuesday afternoon.

I did not go to gymnastics: I rested, but I read too much causing muscle tension.  I think my right eye is a real mess when I'm in a wave.  It's best if I don't use it or I get aches and tingles all up and down my right side in the same places as dystonia.

 

Headache tonight centered on my right eye -- took 2 ibuprophen.

 

I have to hope that doing all the right things will pay off soon.  I'm very, very tired.

 

 

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DrugfreeProf

Rosetta, very sorry to hear about your continued suffering. Ditto, you are indeed very tough, and clearly, very smart!  Your posts are so eloquent--your brain sure does seem to be working well!  Thank you for all of the support you show to others in the midst of being in so much distress. 

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Dalalea
41 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

all the things necessary to combat depression -- but I feel very depressed and I can't enjoy anything very much

This is what I'm experiencing right now, too. It just comes and goes randomly. I'm working my plan but it's discouraging. I'm hoping it starts lifting for you!

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Rosetta

@DaveB @Kristine @DaveB @Cheeky @Dalalea @wantrelief

 

Thsnk you you for all your words of encouragement.  They are helping me get through.  I'll check in on you when I can.  Trying to avoid reading right now to keep the neck muscles softened.

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Downbutnotout
17 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Hard day, but it could have been worse like it was when I had Akathisia and constant anxiety.  My feelings are the worst part.  When I recount the day, it seems silly to have been so miserable all day.  Obviously a neuro emotional day.

 

Day 14 of my cycle.

 

My gastro system has stopped working again.  No discomfort, but no action either.  

Dystonia/muscle tension off and on -- upon awakening and coinciding with reading.

Cortisol very early this morning -- I moved from the bed I share with my daughter to her bedroom at this point, put on a sleep mask and eventually --after a lot of cortisol misery-- went back to sleep.  She kicks me too much for me to stay asleep in the bed with her after about 4:30 or 5 a.m.  If I stay Illhave 3 or 4 cortisol awakenings in one morning! It's very encouraging that I got back to sleep.  Maybe my solution is to move every night the first time I wake up.

It was dress like an animal day at school.  So, my daughter had ears on her headband, and I drew a little, black, kitty nose and whiskers on her face.  I'm glad I could rally to do that for her.

 

I volunteered in my daughter's classroom, and I was very irritated in general.  Nothing was really wrong, just me.

 

Depression? Anhedonia? A little of both?  -- all day.  This feels like what Downbutnotout describes.  I'm getting up, going out, getting sunshine, walking, eating, etc. -- all the things necessary to combat depression -- but I feel very depressed and I can't enjoy anything very much.  It must be a neurotransmitter problem.  This is all I did today:

 

I got my daughter ready for school and took her to school.

I volunteered in her class, and I walked home.

I went to lunch at an Irish pub and enjoyed the corned beef boxty quite a bit.  So, food tastes good today.  I had water only.

I had a mag bath last night; I had magnesium 2x today.

I walked to the school to pick up my daughter and walked her home.

I walked in the park alone, and I was very unhappy the whole time, but I did notice the beauty of the green grass and oak lined paths, and the creek and the sycamores with their white trunks and dead, brown leaves.  I'm still sad about the dead, white egret I found two days ago, but at least the body was gone today.  Yesterday, it was still there.  I had been enjoying seeing that egret for the last few months, and looked forward to my walks because I might see it.  I was pretty crushed to find it on the bank on Tuesday afternoon.

I did not go to gymnastics: I rested, but I read too much causing muscle tension.  I think my right eye is a real mess when I'm in a wave.  It's best if I don't use it or I get aches and tingles all up and down my right side in the same places as dystonia.

 

Headache tonight centered on my right eye -- took 2 ibuprophen.

 

I have to hope that doing all the right things will pay off soon.  I'm very, very tired.

 

 

Yes, that’s what I feel 24/7. I’m glad you get breaks from it.   You’re doing so good. Probably because you tapered down correctly and didn’t ct. I think you have a really good chance at recovery. I think a lot of your motivation is that little girl you love so much. 

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Rosetta

No @Downbutnotout, I didn't taper.  My "taper" was essentially a CT.  You are right, my child is a big part of this determination as I know yours is.  

 

Journal:

 

Today is much better.  

There is still a fair amount of anxiety, but it's manageable.  The anxiety started when my husband left at noon.

Yesterday I had a haf- caf coffee, and I had the same today.

Crying was due to a show I watched.  Probably not the best choice, but it gave a nice release of hormones for a bit.

Less muscle tension or dystonia -- reading less

Less depression

Gastrointestinal issues are still there.  This time it's diarrhea.

I had magnesium before bed last night.  So, I had it 3x yesterday.  That may be too much

No magnesium this morning.

No cortisol -- I switched beds in the night before 3 a.m. And my dsughter woke up and began to cry.  So, both my husband and I crawled into bed with her.  I slept ok after that with my eye pillow, and I woke up Without cortisol.

I didn't take my daughter to school in an effort to stay calm.

Now I have to go to pick her up.

 

 

 

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Downbutnotout
3 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

No @Downbutnotout, I didn't taper.  My "taper" was essentially a CT.  You are right, my child is a big part of this determination as I know yours is.  

 

Journal:

 

Today is much better.  

There is still a fair amount of anxiety, but it's manageable.  The anxiety started when my husband left at noon.

Yesterday I had a haf- caf coffee, and I had the same today.

Crying was due to a show I watched.  Probably not the best choice, but it gave a nice release of hormones for a bit.

Less muscle tension or dystonia -- reading less

Less depression

Gastrointestinal issues are still there.  This time it's diarrhea.

I had magnesium before bed last night.  So, I had it 3x yesterday.  That may be too much

No magnesium this morning.

No cortisol -- I switched beds in the night before 3 a.m. And my dsughter woke up and began to cry.  So, both my husband and I crawled into bed with her.  I slept ok after that with my eye pillow, and I woke up Without cortisol.

I didn't take my daughter to school in an effort to stay calm.

Now I have to go to pick her up.

 

 

 

Oh I didn’t realize you ct. My children are quite grown. I’m pretty old. 67.5. I do have a grandson that I’m fond of who is 4. 

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Kristine

Hey Lovely Rosetta,  I just read your update.  I'm pleased you are feeling a little better.  It is no wonder we refer to this as being on a roller coaster.  I just wish I could wrap you up in a w/d protection blanket.  How did the pick up go?  Do you have to mingle with other parents, talking small talk? Or are you able to avoid this? I think I'd have to hide behind a tree until the last minute!  Going through these battles whilst raising your six year old daughter is awe inspiring Rosetta :wub: you are my hero! Love K xo

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Rosetta

You could make a fortune with a w/d protection blanket, but then I'd have explain why I'm wearing a blanket in addition to my tin foil hat!!  Lol

 

Fortunately, pick up time is the best part of the day for me unless it's a really bad day.  I can fake it with the other moms, and most of them aren't very chatty anyway.  The majority of people drive through a pick up line.  Not too many park and get out to actually retrieve the kids.  There isn't enough parking for that.  Land is so outrageously expensive here that there is a lack of parking almost everywhere.  I have a friend who lives directly across the street from the school, and she lets me park on her land. I also walk through her property when we walk to school.  

 

This is is for the benefit of you "health professionals" out there who think you are "helping" women be better mothers by giving them these poisons:

 

Oh, yes a hero.  That's so,kind of you, Kristine.  I hope Inam.  I feel like a hero for raising my six year old through this Hell just about . . . Never.  It's incredibly hard, but it could be worse.  What if she were a tiny baby crying that desperate baby cry or the "colic" cry she had when she was about 1 month to 4 months old (her withdrawal).  I'm so grateful I didn't have severe symptoms then.  It's possible this is happening at the best time if there is ever a good time.  She old enough that I can explain it to her, and she kind of gets it.  It's still terrible and it causes me a lot of guilt and a sense of grieving for what these years at ages 4, 5 and 6 could have been.  I'm able to make the best of it for her with the help of my husband, but I'm not getting to enjoy much of it myself.  She can see that, too.  We can't hide our feelings from kids.  They can tell if we are faking it.  So, we try to be honest with her.  What's really sad is that I know her behavior as a result of my illness sometimes makes my symptoms worse.  That's incredibly difficult.  She picks up on it, too and she aploguzes!  That kills me.

 

So, for you "health professionals": I quite literally despise you for your deliberate ignorance, and I genuinely hope that you or someone you love gets hit with this so that you can feel the deep terror, intense sadness, outsized grief and overwhelming guilt that I feel.  And guess what: you are actually responsible for having helped do this to your loved one and any children s/he might have by being complicit in this whole greedy sham!  Aren't you proud?!

 

19 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey Lovely Rosetta, 

 

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Kristine
18 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

This is is for the benefit of you "health professionals" out there who think you are "helping" women be better mothers by giving them these poisons:

 

Oh, yes a hero.  That's so,kind of you, Kristine.  I hope Inam.  I feel like a hero for raising my six year old through this Hell just about . . . Never.  It's incredibly hard, but it could be worse.  What if she were a tiny baby crying that desperate baby cry or the "colic" cry she had when she was about 1 month to 4 months old (her withdrawal).  I'm so grateful I didn't have severe symptoms then.  It's possible this is happening at the best time if there is ever a good time.  She old enough that I can explain it to her, and she kind of gets it.  It's still terrible and it causes me a lot of guilt and a sense of grieving for what these years at ages 4, 5 and 6 could have been.  I'm able to make the best of it for her with the help of my husband, but I'm not getting to enjoy much of it myself.  She can see that, too.  We can't hide our feelings from kids.  They can tell if we are faking it.  So, we try to be honest with her.  What's really sad is that I know her behavior as a result of my illness sometimes makes my symptoms worse.  That's incredibly difficult.  She picks up on it, too and she aploguzes!  That kills me.

 

So, for you "health professionals": I quite literally despise you for your deliberate ignorance, and I genuinely hope that you or someone you love gets hit with this so that you can feel the deep terror, intense sadness, outsized grief and overwhelming guilt that I feel.  And guess what: you are actually responsible for having helped do this to your loved one and any children s/he might have by being complicit in this whole greedy sham!  Aren't you proud?!

Well said Rosetta! I really hope at least one "health professional" reads your powerful words. Much Love and hugs. K xo

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Kristine
20 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

You could make a fortune with a w/d protection blanket, but then I'd have explain why I'm wearing a blanket in addition to my tin foil hat!!  Lol

LOL! Nice to have a laugh! Thank you :D xo

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RealMe
6 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Today is much better.  

There is still a fair amount of anxiety, but it's manageable.

Hi Rosetta,

So glad you had a better day with a little less anxiety!

As far as health professionals giving poisons, they are going to have to hear the tumultuous cries of the people who are suffering at some point.  What happened to, "First, do no harm?"

xo RM

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Rosetta
15 hours ago, RealMe said:

What happened to, "First, do no harm?"

xo RM

Oh, that.  Well, if you hear something often enough then you know the opposite is true.  Doctors having been doing harm for centuries. 

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Rosetta

I believe that my anxiety in the early part of the day is linked somehow to the depression being deeper in the afternoon.  That's because I notice that if I have low anxiety in the morning I don't have the deeper form of depression in the afternoon/evening.  I'm trying to use a eye pillow to reduce the anxiety in the morning with the hope that the deep afternoon depression will lessen.

 

Also, I sometimes wake up with depression -- just like before my first AD.  That's a bit new for me in terms of this WD journey.  It used to be anxiety that was there upon first waking up.  I really hate waking up with depression especially if it's still dark.  It takes a lot of self talk to avoid the spiral and get back to sleep.  I an see thu s as a sign of healing once it's subsided.  Something has changed!  That's good.

 

Journal:

Yesterday was ok in the afternoon.  My daughter and I went for a walk in the park.  We saw a couple of duck pairs who are no doubt going to have little ducklings before long.  

In the evening I felt better and went to bed a little late.  I slept ok, and then I woke up with depression at 2:00 am.  The cat was crowding me and making me too hot.  So I fed her and put her out.  If I shut my bedroom door she will claw at the carpet.  I had to toss her out in the rain, poor thing, but she's not a pleasant cat at night if she doesn't get her way.

 

I took magnesium before bed. 

I used an eye pillow, and I slept until about 7:30 a.m. with my daughter next to me.  

I woke up without cortisol.

I had some anxiety before I got out of bed. 

I had a half-caf coffee for breakfast, eggs and toast.

The dystonia/muscle tension was there in my neck when I woke up, but it subsided after I had coffee.  (LINK there maybe?)

 

Today is a WINDOW.  I feel normal with normal cog function.  There's still a bit of anxiety.  It's a Saturday so it's not a day of rest.  Too much to do with the kiddo home.  My husband will take her to the gym later this afternoon and let her stay in the daycare for an hour or so.

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wantrelief

Great news, Rosetta!  

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doxxigirl

Hi Rosetta, Thought I'd stop by your thread and offer support.  "What is the slope of the line?  "It's positive,' 'And what does that mean?  'It means we make progress everyday'

 

You are awesome and doing great! Love Doxx:wub:

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Rosetta

Thank you @doxxigirl and @wantrelief. It's nice to just be.  I'm trying to enjoy the day without expecting very much of myself.

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Kristine

Hey Rosetta,  I am so pleased to hear you are having a window today :) Big hugs. K xo

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Rosetta
12 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey Rosetta,  I am so pleased to hear you are having a window today :) Big hugs. K xo

Thank you!

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Rosetta

At 12 months and 2 weeks post CT/rapid taper here is a synopsis of my journey to survive AD withdrawal:

 

I'm the perfect example for why CT or medical professionals' recommended "tapers" are so dangerous and cruel.  I had no earthly idea that quitting my AD would do anything like this to me.  I'm not sure I would be here on Earth if I had not found this website that told me about AD WD and the fact that it will get better.  I was feeling bad enough when I found this site, and it got much, much worse after that.  Every new symptom made me doubt that it was WD until I looked here.  When I found others here who had symptoms of psychosis and Akathisia, and then recovered from them I found the strength to go on a little longer.

 

I am so much better!  It's been a terrifying experience, but the horror show has been over now for a couple of months.  I still have cortisol awakenings a little more than 50% of the time and anxiety on most days.  Occasionally, I feel fear and have crying spells due to the fear.  If that happens, I have a deep depression that sets in for many hours afterward.  There are many other less troubling symptoms.

 

I have a little girl.  She's 6.  I think I managed through the worst part because of her, mostly -- the fact that she needs her mother.  My husband helped me, believed in me, and believed SA, too.  That made my recovery thus far possible.  I think the other thing is that I have not touched another AD or benzo since last February, not one rescue dose.  I can't be the mother I want my daughter to have -- not yet -- but I'm doing ok now since the psychotic symptoms and Akathisia are gone.  Anhedonia and demotivation are a problem.

 

I have anhedonia, demotivation and a very uncomfortable muscle tension in the right side of my neck that is sometimes painful.  I think it's dystonia, and it's very slowly resolving.  It comes and goes, but it's usually present for part of every day.  It affects my arm, hand, fingers, hip, leg, foot and toes with a tingling feeling and slight muscle contraction or spasm.  I wake up with a short insomnia stint nearly every night.  Sometimes, I wake up in the night or in the morning with depression.  My gastrointestinal issues started since the DP and DR and akathisia ended.  These come and go.  Occasionally, I have a drop in blood pressure, and my vision blacks out when I stand up.  My appetite comes and goes.  I get very hungry occasionally.  I get very cold once in a while, but that's much more rare nowadays.  I don't have hot flashes any longer.  I have cog fog -- indecision, inability to sort or make order, difficulty thinking straight or understanding things.  My difficulty finding words is much better than it used to be.  I can watch TV or read a book without becoming afraid or having the overwhelming feeling that I am actually living what's happening to the characters.  I have a very low threshold for stress, I get easily overwhelmed, and I can be overstimulated easily by noise, touch, lights, conversation, wild weather or TV/movies.  In short, I'm ready for this WD to be over!!!

 

I found SA about 5-6 months after my "Taper" (of about 6 weeks.). Knowing that I had hope and that many people had experienced this syndrome helped me hold on especially when my condition continued to deteriorate.  Seeing that some of my most horrifying symptoms were WD and would not last changed everything for me.  I continued to develop or at least experience very scary new symptoms until the 9th or 10th month.  I had nothing and no one but this forum to tell me that I wasn't simply mad and always would be.

 

I still have moments of despair, but I'm working on "acceptance" and refusing to allow "second fear" to set in after I start to feel anxious or depressed. (Claire Weekes method of managing anxiety).  I use magnesium both orally and in a bath to try to manage anxiety, too.  I'm going through the "change," and I track my cycle in the hope that I can develop a schedule for my life that will help me go out more and maintain friendships.  Today is not a wide open window, but it's not the deep pit of a wave either.  It's very dissatisfying, but it's not a terror filled nightmare the way that Sept, Nov and Dec 2017 were.  For that I'm very grateful.

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Scorpio

Hello rosetta

after your kind words to me I have just read your thread. It was enlightening and you are so eloquent in your description of this w/d nightmare. You have been so strong through this battle and it seems you get more and more better times. 

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Rosetta

Today:

 

Slept in!! with my sleep mask

Cortisol upon awakening

Anxious but did a little housework

2 cups of tea with breakfast

magnesium 2x

Anxiety most of day

Went for walk

Alone time from 1:00-5:00

Muscle tensions in neck on and off

 

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Kristine
6 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I still have moments of despair, but I'm working on "acceptance" and refusing to allow "second fear" to set in after I start to feel anxious or depressed. (Claire Weekes method of managing anxiety).  I use magnesium both orally and in a bath to try to manage anxiety, too.  I'm going through the "change," and I track my cycle in the hope that I can develop a schedule for my life that will help me go out more and maintain friendships.  Today is not a wide open window, but it's not the deep pit of a wave either.  It's very dissatisfying, but it's not a terror filled nightmare the way that Sept, Nov and Dec 2017 were.  For that I'm very grateful.

Thank you Rosetta for always describing your experiences through this hell with such accuracy and eloquence.  You help so many, including myself,  to navigate through this nightmarish labyrinth.  I feel blessed to have "met" you. Much Love K xo

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doxxigirl

Amazing!  I'm soo happy for you, You give us all hope!:wub:

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Kristine
1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Slept in!!

Yeah!!! Happy Dance :D :wub:

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Gridley

Good list, Rosetta.  I will copy and save.  Thanks.

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Rosetta
2 minutes ago, Gridley said:

Good list, Rosetta.  I will copy and save.  Thanks.

ChessieCat's doing.  Thank you @ChessieCat

 

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Rosetta
15 hours ago, Kristine said:

Thank you Rosetta for always describing your experiences through this hell with such accuracy and eloquence.  You help so many, including myself,  to navigate through this nightmarish labyrinth.  I feel blessed to have "met" you. Much Love K xo

 

21 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hello rosetta

after your kind words to me I have just read your thread. It was enlightening and you are so eloquent in your description of this w/d nightmare. You have been so strong through this battle and it seems you get more and more better times. 

 

14 hours ago, doxxigirl said:

Amazing!  I'm soo happy for you, You give us all hope!:wub:

 

Thanks guys. It's nice to see that I give you hope.  There has been a lot of improvement.  To someone who is as unstable as I was  in November it must look like heaven.  I don't emphasize the extent of the emotional stuff much, but perhaps I should be more forthcoming.

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