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Rosetta

Rosetta: CT May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017

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Carmie

Hi Rosetta, 

 

Thanks for dropping by the other day. I’m so sorry that your anxiety gets so bad. I’m sooo glad you got to the zoo though, it does brighten one’s day to be around nature n animals. When I get a bit of strength back I’d like to go to Australia Zoo again. I got a yearly pass a few months ago n haven’t used it since. The zoo is up the Coast. If it was around the corner I think I’d live there.😀

 

You mentioned how you get hot all of a sudden. I get that too. It comes out of nowhere n then somehow settles again. It happens mainly when I’m in waves. I go from hot to cold. Some days I’ve gone from turning in the heater to turning in the air conditioner.

 

I can see in your posts too how the neuro emotions take over. They’re no fun, are they? I make things bigger in my brain than they are in real life sometimes. At other times, it’s not neuro emotions but just the struggles of life. 

 

Its a minute at a time Rosetta, we can do this💚

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Rosetta

Thanks, Carmie.

 

The anxiety never left yesterday or not for long.  It probably did and then came back in the evening.  I went to bed with the electricity feeling in my arms and legs.  I did sleep at least.  I woke up many times, but I didn't stay awake for long periods.  

 

This morning, I had to shower and go to the parent teacher conference.  It was fine.  The teacher this year is better than last year's teacher.  

 

The rest of the day has been pretty anxious.  I went for a walk with my friend.  Then, I spent a lot of time trying to distract. I couldn't focus on my daughter much and that made me sad.  I stayed home from gymnastics.  I'm trying to get through this wave.

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Carmie
18 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Thanks, Carmie.

 

The anxiety never left yesterday or not for long.  It probably did and then came back in the evening.  I went to bed with the electricity feeling in my arms and legs.  I did sleep at least.  I woke up many times, but I didn't stay awake for long periods.  

 

This morning, I had to shower and go to the parent teacher conference.  It was fine.  The teacher this year is better than last year's teacher.  

 

The rest of the day has been pretty anxious.  I went for a walk with my friend.  Then, I spent a lot of time trying to distract. I couldn't focus on my daughter much and that made me sad.  I stayed home from gymnastics.  I'm trying to get through this wave.

 

Hi again Rosetta, 

 

Yes, that electricity feeling in the body is horrible isn’t it? It’s like you’re plugged into a power socket. 

 

Im glad you managed to get up and have a shower this morning. I remember a while back you mentioned how hard it was to even have a shower some days. I don’t have the strength to have mine as yet but will do so soon. I used the bit of energy I had to do my housework this morning. As soon as I find a little bit more energy it’s off to the shower. I always feel better afterwards. Nothing like feeling fresh. 

 

That’s good you like the new teacher better. All the teacher/student stuff must be so stressful for you. I don’t have kids so I can only imagine how hard it is to bring up kids while sick n going through withdrawals. You are amazing n so are all the other mothers doing this. 

 

Hope the wave lifts soon. It seems to be survival mode for us in waves and we just have to keep distracting ourselves.

 

Sending you some sunshine ☀️☀️

 

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Rabe

Im sorry your anxiety is back up Rosetta...grateful you could get to the conferences, take the walk with your friend and be with your daughter.  Hoping you will be able to get some sleep tonight! 💜

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Rosetta

I went to bed with achey limbs last night, but the electricity was not there.  

 

I was awake worrying last night.  I kept having cortisol spikes and hot flashes and slight nausea, in that order.  They weren't as intense as they were earlier this week, but I worried after each one -- mostly about my daughter.  

 

The parent teacher conference wasn't perfect, of course.  I'm a perfectionist.  I was tamping down my drive for perfectionism until my husband said he was frustrated by the lack of enthusiasm the teacher showed.  It was a very "just the facts" presentation.  Many reasons for this perhaps, including the fact that the teacher knows I'm very involved in my daughter's education.  My daughter turns in all her homework assignments and reads a grade level above her grade.  So, I hope the teacher feels we don't need her to feel enthused?  She's not a naturally enthusiastic person from what I have seen.  

 

Today is Friday.  No school today.  Will have to get out and do something today.

 

I do feel a little better than yesterday.  I think I'm slowly coming out from under the wave.

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Hibari

Hi Rosetta,

 

I have had hot flashes, cortisol spikes and nausea the whole way though my taper.  I just want to reassure that I do think it part of the body trying to regulate.  

 

Temperature deregulation is part of wd. It used to scare me too because I am post menopausal and I thought  I would have to go on horniness again.  Then i asked if any men on this site had hot flashes too and they said yes.  

 

Nausea had been my constant companion but I know that it will disappear as my body heals and I finally get off this med,  though it may come and go. 

 

I also get the cortisol surges every morning.  Such a terrible feeling.  

 

I know that stress definitely affects my hot flashes and nausea more.  

 

I think symptoms switch and change as our body's repair.  

 

You have my sympathy and support.

 

Hibari 

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Rabe

Hi Rosetta.  I am grateful to hear that it was a better day today...receding wave...nice!!!  Hope so!!! 💜

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Rabe

Is there a place to read about cortisol spikes.  I think I have those but dont know what they are.  I have put waking with panic and anxiety etc in the search and cant find anything.  Thank you.

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wantrelief

Hi Rosetta - I am so happy you feel like you are coming out of your wave.....yay!

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neroli

oh, Rosetta, If I've been there for you in any way, that makes me happy. 💜  We all understand and care about how you are doing - we are fellow travellers, so we know what it's like.  I'm really hoping you see a turn round a corner and emerge from this latest wave in a better position soon.  You are a great support and inspiration for many on this site - how you manage to extend that generosity while you are particularly affected is a great feat of strength.  

 

Tons of good wishes coming your way...........

 

Neroli

 

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Rabe

I was reading some of your wisdom....I had not been here for a bit and read your posts from last week.  I am so so sorry you have had such a huge wave....but grateful that is seems to finally be receding. I believe your daughter is and will be ok Rosetta.  You are there with her, I believe she understands you are not well right now, and I believe you will get beyond all this and there will be much more goodness to follow.  I dont think it is by chance that she reads beyond her grade and does so well in school...you have been there for her...it may not seem like it but you have.  You are devoted to her and she will truly truly know that someday. 💜 

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Rosetta

Journal:

 

Today has been very, very hard.  I woke up with one or two cortisol spikes in the night.  They were a little less intense than the night before.  I still felt the hot flashes.  There was less nausea.  There was a cortisol spike this morning, too.  It wasn't intense, but the anxiety built up afterward.  I really just had to hunker down on the couch all day.  I hoped the anxiety would wear off.  It didn't.  

 

I wanted to take my daughter and her friend to the zoo, but I couldn't.  They played here all day, and I became more anxious as the day progressed, not less.  

 

My husband was digging holes outside for something.  They had a post hole digger and a trencher, and were making a lot of noise. I think the fact that I had no appetite and forgot to eat made the anxiety worse.  Right now it's 6:30, and I'm slightly trembling from anxiety.

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Cheeky
32 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Journal:

 

Today has been very, very hard.  I woke up with one or two cortisol spikes in the night.  They were a little less intense than the night before.  I still felt the hot flashes.  There was less nausea.  There was a cortisol spike this morning, too.  It wasn't intense, but the anxiety built up afterward.  I really just had to hunker down on the couch all day.  I hoped the anxiety would wear off.  It didn't.  

 

I wanted to take my daughter and her friend to the zoo, but I couldn't.  They played here all day, and I became more anxious as the day progressed, not less.  

 

My husband was digging holes outside for something.  They had a post hole digger and a trencher, and were making a lot of noise. I think the fact that I had no appetite and forgot to eat made the anxiety worse.  Right now it's 6:30, and I'm slightly trembling from anxiety.

Rosetta I just hate knowing your going through this, I know 10 days sgo

when I was in a wave, I felt like I just couldn’t handle it . This is such  torture to have to go through and it can make every minute a struggle.

The only good thing to this for you is your not taking anything and your waves are a sign of healing. Your going to look back at this one day and it wil only be a memory 

Every day your closer to being you again.

sending you Lott’s if hugs

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Rabe

I hope you were able to eat Rosetta...I wonder if some of the trembling was a lower blood sugar?  

I so feel for what you are going through.  It is awful and it is a minute by minute day....and long days.  I so hope you can get some sleep tonight and that tomorrow is even a little better.  It is hard when in the waves to think that yesterday or a few days ago or a week ago things were better...but they were.  This will get better as well.  Wish I could give you a hug...it is a lonely scary place as well.  We are all here for you.  Please take care!  XO 💜

 

 

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Sheera

@Rosetta thank you for the tip on the @. :) very helpful info. I am hoping today is better for you. It sounds like we have tried the same tactics only to have them backfire. I think—oh I need a day of being on the couch, I can just sit and accept—and then for some reason it just makes my anxiety worse.  Especially when my kids are off without me. I want to be happy that they are entertained but all it does is make me anxious and then I feel paralyzed and it continues to get worse. Sigh. Your daughter is blessed to have such a strong mother. She will remember that. When I get to worrying I try to remind myself that God picked exactly the right mother for them. He knew what they needed and knew what I could give. You’re doing the best you can right now. Now I’m going to go and try to heed my own advice. 

Hugs—Sheera

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Rosetta

I had a very hard night.  I woke up from what I think was a cortisol spike in the dead of night, again.  The hot flash, the nausea, the seemingly endless worrying.  This time there was intense grief and crying.  The type of grief one feels if someone close died.  This made me worry about my daughter, my husband, how I will take care of my dsughter if my husband dies, on and on.  Low blood sugar maybe?  My body isn't operating properly.  I didn't eat much yesterday, but I choked down as much as I felt I could.  

 

This is morning there was more crying.  I want to be with my daughter today.  My husband wants to take her to see her grandmother.  I'm going to try to go with them, but I don't want to get ready, I don't want to see his mother.  I wish there were an easy way to so end time with my daughter when I'm in a wave.  Of course, nothing is easy.  Everything feels wrong, off, strange, uncomfortable and sometimes scary.  I miss being able to be with my daughter.  She's growing up.  She's slipping through my fingers.  Meanwhile, I feel like I'm dead.

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