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Rosetta

Rosetta: CT May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017

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Rosetta

You're welcome, @Hibari. I hope it helps you.  I know you are going through a lot. 

 

@thecowisback I suppose it doesn't matter which parts are menopause and which are WD.  I'm ready for this phase to be over.

 

Journal:

Last night the sad thoughts were not as bad nor did they last as long, but I am so tired of waking up afraid over and over -- at least 3 or 4 times last night -- and of worrying.  My only alternative is to read, but that hurts my eye and jaw and neck not to mention the light in my eyes will interfere with my sleep. Maybe I could try books on tape.  That could get expensive.

 

Today went ok.  I helped with art today.  I didn't have to plan it and teach it.  Then, we got home and we were going to go for a walk in the rain.  I thought it would be nice, but my daughter made an enormous mess while I was in the bathroom.  I had to clean part of it up -- her shoes were covered in mud.  We couldn't go for our walk.  Now it's dark, and I feel very down.  Now, there's a muddy bathroom I'm going to make her clean tomorrow (which means I have to clean it after she does.). I'm feeling defeated by all that I need to do and having my days be so unpredictable, the cog fog and confusion, etc.. This is a hard way to live especially when my nights are so hard.  

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Rabe

Hi Rosetta...

4 hours ago, Rosetta said:

This is a hard way to live especially when my nights are so hard.  

I dont know how you do it, but you have and continue to...I admire your strength, honesty, compassion, and devotion to your family...and so much more!  Hope tonight and tomorrow are better!💜

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Rosetta

Thank you, Rabe.

 

Journal: 

 

Today is Saturday.

 

Last night was better.  I was awake several times, but I didn't worry too much, I didn't cry, I didn't have as many hot flashes or cortisol spikes.  I wasn't awake for long periods.  At one point I was very sad, but I fell asleep again.  Each time I woke up I was afraid I would get upset, but I didn't.  I think I had a pleasant dream, and then I woke up early.  I decided to try to sleep again. I had one cortisol spike after that.   My daughter slept late.  

 

I'm trying to practice acceptance that my house is a wreck.  I'm grateful that my husband is helping me with the laundry.  There's no rain today.  No one is coming over. My daughter is playing with her Legos.  It's a bit late -- 9:30.  

 

We should go out today.  Maybe to the beach.

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wantrelief

I am so glad last night was better, Rosetta.  I hope you make it to the beach today.  Thinking about you - WR.

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Rabe

Im so happy to hear your night went so well Rosetta...easier to head into the day with that wind at your back huh?  Yay that your laundry is being tag teamed...I do hope you have time to get out...the beach sounds lovely!!!  Thinking of you!  💜

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neroli
On 11/28/2018 at 4:41 AM, Rosetta said:

This morning I have what feels like Akathisia.  I am absolutely desperate.  All I can do is ride it out.

I'm with you on this one, Rosetta.  Had it for a couple of days - v shaky and wobbly, anxiety up and as you say can only ride it out.  So, thinking of you and wishing strength to both of us.

 

xxx Neroli

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mirage

@FarmGirlWorks so funny that your friend gave it a name. I like that. And, I think you are right about it being straight up menopause. 

 

I think you said you are at 20 months? I will hit 18 months tomorrow. In a pretty rough wave right now after having about 2 months of things being pretty mild and very tolerable. How are you doing?

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mirage

Okay friends. Please ignore the crazy amount of times my last message posted. My computer was showing me that it wasn't posting and then, BOOM...it posted a million times. I can't figure out how to delete them. lol!!!!

 

I guess my computer really wanted me to get this message out. If nothing else, it gave me a pretty good laugh. 

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FarmGirlWorks

I was impressed I got so many notifications! I'll PM you 🙂

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Rosetta

Well, something went wrong in my brain, I suppose.  I suddenly became very anxious and overwhelmed.  My body felt jittery.  It's was a feeling of wanting to jump out of my skin.  It reminds me of Akathisia a lot.  I swept the floor anyway.  

 

We had been playing with a physics experiment toy and added dominos to it.  After my daughter became bored I started feeling overwhelmed by the mess around us.  Then,  we watched some funny cat videos and the feeling became worse.  How odd.  I think it's the stuff in this house that I need to get rid of that is bothering me, but maybe I'm attaching my anxiety to that.  

 

I would like to tackle the stuff despite my anxiety.  It's now 3:15.  I just ate, and I'm feeling better.  Maybe it was something to do with blood sugar.

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Rosetta

Last night, I slept ok.  There was a gunshot at 2:10 that woke me and then two more that I remember hearing.  My husband said there were 3.  It was a rifle.  Very rare for our neighborhood.  I hope no one killed a coyote.  I eventually fell asleep again.  I had a few hot flashes, but no long period of being awake and afraid or worried.  I had no bad dreams.  In fact, I think I had a good dream.  Lucky given the rifle report.

 

This is morning has been very anxious.  I woke up all right about 6:45, and then they anxiety started building.  No meltdown, but it's very uncomfortable.  I know it just physical anxiety.  There's nothing real to be concerned about.  I pulled the sheets off the bed and put them in the washer.  Now I need to shower.

 

I never made it out of the house yesterday.  We need to go today.  It's 12:40 pm.

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DMV64
1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

 I know it just physical anxiety.

I try to remember this rosetta. And do my Claire Weekes floating. I am wondering how you are doing now?

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Rosetta

Better.  A shower helped.  It used to be that that didn't help or maybe it's just later in the day.  I'm ok.  We are going to my MIL's.  Thank you for asking, DMV.

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brassmonkey

Monkey Magic..... no more duplicate posts.

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Rabe

Thinking of you Rosetta!!!💜

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Sheera

Thinking about you Rosetta—I’m so glad you’re having some pleasant dreams. That is definitely a sign of healing!

 

hugs—Sheera

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TedB

Rosetta - I haven't made it through this whole 42 pg thread so if you've discussed this, I'm sorry. But I'm into my 4th month of my CT sertraline that i was on for 4 mth. Around 3 mths I started with a new wd  and I saw that you had it too - my right side has some numbness - it's the kind you can just run your hand over and it feels weird and also when i get in the shower and the warm water hits, it just feels odd. Is this what you experienced and how long did it last for you. It's nothing like I can't use my limbs, at all. Thank you for your time!!

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Rosetta

@wantrelief @neroli @mirage @DMV64 @FarmGirlWorks 

 

Thank you, Brass for the magic.  Can you wave a wand and make WD go,away?!

 

Thanks, @Sheera and @Rabe

 

@TedB Hi.  I read your thread.  I'm so frustrated for you.  Your doctor should lose her license.  I'll tell you how long it lasted, but that means nothing if you are curious about how long it will last for you, ok?  It still happens sometimes during a wave.  It was scary at first because I thought it was going to result in paralysis, of course.  No.  It's just a weird issue with my brain.  I think it's caused by muscle tension pressing on a nerve.  It has gotten better -- less intense of shorter duration and much less frequent.  I hope you have a short WD, Ted.  You certainly might as some people do.

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TedB

Rosetta - no, i don't think that we could have the same amount of time for WD. I know there is NOOOO rules in this dreaded issue!! I guess my question is now...so you don't think the numbness on 1 side is really a WD? And I really how my wd are gonna be gone by morning, ha!! Don't we all! Thank you

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Rosetta

@TedB I do think it's WD.  WD causes bizarre muscle tension.  For me it's on my right side.  The drugs themselves cause bizarre muscle issues, too.  They are simply poison, if you ask me.  Don't worry.  It will go away someday.  You aren't going to have it forever.

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TedB

Thank you Rosetta,  - with all these crazy wd effects i can start thinking I have ever disease in the book... I'm gonna settle down and let my brain heal...

 

Quote

 

 

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Rosetta

I know, @TedB You'll see that if you read threads -- people become afraid they have all different diseases.  I don't recommend reading too many threads because you might start to worry more after you see all the worries other people have.  

 

I had an MRI on my neck to check for a pinched nerve.  It showed nothing.  The brain is sending out all sorts of signals and the body responds.  I think the brain misinterprets the signals the body is sending, too.  Try to avoid overthinking what's happening if you can.

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Rosetta

Journal:

 

Today I have that poisoned feeling.  I had a strong cortisol spike sometime before 3:00 am, then a hot flash and chills and a naseous feeling coupled with fear.  After about 6:30 am I had another one.  Same symptoms.  

 

I made it it to the school to volunteer but now I feel so bad.  I feel that I need to cry.  It's a milder version of the feeling that someone just died.  I'm jittery, too, and anxious, worried, fearful, etc.. Fortunately, I didn't have to help the kids today.  I just cut paper.  

 

I missed used my mag dose yesterday morning and I missed the bedtime dose last night, but I too it at about 3:15 am.  Now it's 10 am, and I'm having diarrhea.  It's probably more hormone issues.  

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Rabe

Im sorry to hear your day started as it did Rosetta and all the feelings that have followed.  Yet you are there at your daughter's class!  You are amazing!

 

Did you take both doses at 315 or just one?  Hope your day might flow into a peaceful place and that your stomach feels better as well.  Hugs!!💜  

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Rosetta

Just the one dose, Rabe.  I can't take more than about a heaping teaspoon at a time.

 

Today is day 59.

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brassmonkey

Go easy on the magnesium Rosetta, getting too much of a good thing can go paradoxical and cause anxiety, depression and the like, and it has other side effects like you have discovered this morning.

 

Monkey magic is powerful but not good enough to make WD disappear, I wish I could.

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Rosetta

Two teaspoons is 325 mg of magnesium according to the label.  What I can tolerate seems to change from day to day.  Not surprising.

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DMV64

Hi Rosetta,

Hoping you are feeling better. Thinking of you.

Hugs, DMV

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Rosetta

Thank you, DMV.  I managed to go to my friend's house to make cookies.  I didn't want to go, but I picked my daughter up from school and we went.  I got through it.  My friend quit an SSRI about 2 1/2 years ago.  She has been feeling good for the past month or so.  It was nice to see her feeling good.  I was (am) anhedonic, but we still talked, and I'm glad we can even if I feel that way.

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Rosetta

Last night was pretty awful -- waking up with cortisol spikes, hot flashes, fear.  I don't want to go to bed tonight.

 

Today was full of dystonia.  I went to get a foot rub at a little place near my house.  Half an hour.  It took the dystonia away.  It didn't last long because I had to get in the car afterward.  Just riding in the car makes it worse.  I got home and was able to relax again for a while.  It wasn't painful, but I could still feel it.  Then, I picked up my daughter and went to her music lesson.  More car riding.  Ugh.  I wish I could take a muscle relaxer!!  

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Rabe

I think it is so wonderful you were able to make cookies and that you have someone to talk to that can have some understanding of what you are going through...that is so rare.  

Im sorry to hear you are still struggling with your nights and muscles Rosetta.  Grateful for you that the foot rub helped!  In spite of that you do so much!  I so hope that you can get some good sleep soon my friend!!!  Hugs!💜

 

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Sheera

Rosetta—the feeling of not wanting to go to bed is the worst and especially when sleep would be the thing that would seem to cure everything. You have made it through these times before. You WILL make it through them again. High five for making yourself go and make cookies and go to school. It probably helped more than you think!

 

hugs and more hugs—

Sheera

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Carmie

Hi Rosetta, 

 

I’m so sorry that you have a fear of going to sleep. It is such a horrible feeling n I can sympathise. I don’t have that problem at the moment but years ago when I was on high doses of Seroquel I always woke up absolutely shaking in the morning. It woke me up. I hated going to bed too as I was scared of the mornings. 

 

I hope things settle for you. It is really hard. 

 

Sending much love💚💚

 

 

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Rosetta

Thanks, Rabe, Sheera and Carmie for being supportive.  This is a really tough symptom.  I suppose one day it will be gone although that's hard to imagine.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that there was a time before WD.

 

Last night there were hot flashes and mild cortisol spikes.  I didn't have quite as much of a struggle mentally.  Some sad thoughtS, some fear.  This morning I was quite anxious about having to take a bath and find clothes to wear.  I was also worried that art would not go well.  It was all fine.  Right now I am sleepy at 2:00 pm.  That rarely happens.  I wish I could nap, but I have to pick up my daughter.  

 

Edit: I forgot -- the dystonia went away, and I didn't have it when I woke up in the night!  It's so odd the way it comes and goes.

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wantrelief

Hi Rosetta - Thank you for your note on my thread.  It sounds like you are doing pretty well overall.  I am so glad everything went well with your teaching today!   Lots of hugs - WR.

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Rabe

Hi Rosetta...so glad the dystonia left....and  is coming and going cause makes be believe that one of these times it will NOT return!!!  Yay!!!💜

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