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Rosetta: cold switch May 2011 & too fast taper Feb 2017


Rosetta

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9 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I slept until after 4:00 am before having a cortisol wake up!!!

WOOOOO! That is great to hear! I took an epsom salt bath last night and slept better than I have been for sure!

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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Hi Rosetta,

 

Yes, I too think that different patterns means that things are changing. 

 

I really see how you take action, at this time in your life, to do things even if its' hard.    I know the effort it takes. 

 

Thinking of you at this time.

 

 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Rosetta—in the midst of it all, you are able to do so many things. Keep up the great work and eventually it will be without thinking that you make the meals. Won’t that be wonderful?  The small steps will eventually be leaps!  

 

Sheera

Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015

May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely.

October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016.

 

Currently off all antidepressants

 

Current Supplements:  L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic

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Hello Rosetta

 

On 12/5/2018 at 3:52 PM, Rosetta said:

It was nice to see her feeling good.  I was (am) anhedonic, but we still talked, and I'm glad we can even if I feel that way.

SO hard to be coping with all you do every day - but you keep on going.  That's strength.

 

Sorry about the anhedonia - it's dispiriting.  Glad you managed to talk to your friend despite it - it takes some energy to do that.

 

Best wishes

 

Neroli 💜

2006 Citalopram 20mg on and off to 2013.  April 2013 - July 2014  Sertraline, Venlafaxine, Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine v. bad reactions. July 2014 - CT Mirtazapine.  July 2014 - February 2016 Medication free, long term w/d.  February - July 2016 Fluoxetine.  Medication free, long term w/d syndrome.  2017 Jan physical breakdown.

2017 February - March Escitalopram, Nortriptyline instated.  Lorazepam, Zopiclone PRN.  April 2017 Lithium Carbonate 250mg 1 wk. 14 August 2017 finish cross to Diazepam 22.5mg daily, stop Zopiclone

Tapers:

Diazepam 

2017 21 August - 30 Dec 21.25mg to 14.5mg 2018 6 Jan - 11 May to 12mg.  2 June updose to 12.25mg - hold. 2019 (0.5mg cuts) 12 Jan - 28 Dec 12mg to 10mg 2020 (0.25mg cuts) - 25 Jan - 29 Dec 9.75mg to 6.25mg 2021 *May have bungled dose and accidentally took 1mg more for about a month (7.25mg), so 4 Jan started again at 6.5mg; 19 Jan 6.25mg; 1 Feb 6.0mg; 23 Feb 5.75mg; 9 Mar 5.5mg; 23 Mar 5.25mg; 9 Apr 5.0mg; 6 May 4.75mg; 13 May 4.5mg; 6 Jun 4mg; 12 July 3.5mg; 2 sep 3.0mg; 15 Sep 2.5mg; 1 Nov 2mg; 15 Nov 1.5mg; 16 Dec 1mg; 26 Dec 0.5mg; 2022 1 Jan - OFF

Escitalopram - 2022 1 Mar to 9mg; 29 Mar 8mg; 24 May 7mg; 21 Jun 5mg; 19 Jul 4mg; 1 Sep 3mg; 23 Sep 2.5mg; 31 Oct 1.5mg; 22 Nov 0.5mg; 2023 1 Jan 0.25mg; 1 Mar OFF

Nortriptyline  2018 90mg to 2020 1 Dec down to 72.5mg; 2021 20 May 70mg; 8 Jun 67.5mg; 24 Jun 65mg; 31 July 60mg; 12 Oct 55mg; 23 Oct 50mg; 2022 13 Jan 40mg; 22 Jan 30mg; 29 Mar 20mg; 26 Apr 10mg; 3 Aug 5mg; 23 Sep 2.5mg; 2023 1 Jan - OFF

 

1 March 2023 - off all drugs - 6-year taper off three drugs.

 

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Hi Rosetta...hope you had a good night!  I was thinking...you are able to reach out and touch and hold hearts in your hands  in such a gentle, clear, honest and informative and soothing way that is born of your own pain and experience.  I know you sometimes worry about your daughter and I wanted to say that I feel if you are able to touch those of us here from afar in such a meaningful long-lasting way, then surely your daughter is touched every day in the same way.  Thinking about you!! Love and hugs!!!💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Thanks, everyone.   I got anxious trying to go to my MIL's, but I made it.  We walked on the beach, had dinner there and my daughter had her shower.  Then we got home in time for bed.  We read a book about constellations and perused one about meteorites.  She loves space and all the stars and the way they are different colors.  That was some nice quality time with my daughter.  I'm so grateful I have calm evenings when I can read with her.

 

Today is hard.  I'm upset over the messy house, more upset over my difficulty fixing it, Christmas being too much, etc.  I can't believe more stuff is going to be coming into this house all ready!  I want to say -- don't get me presents, but that would be sad for everyone.  

 

Last night I was back to the cortisol spikes in the dark, the hot flashes, and a bit of "daymare" type thoughts.  I'm sure others have these and call them intrusive thoughts, but I call them daymares - a nightmare while I'm awake.  Awful.  It did not include sleep paralysis at least.  I haven't had that in a long while.  I did sleep more than not; I wasn't lying awake worrying for a long time, but I did some.  I woke up pretty anxious.  

 

I got my daughter ready for school, but my husband took her.  She has a cold, but it wasn't bad enough to keep her home.  She didn't sleep late.  In fact, she woke up early.  She doesn't rest if I keep her home unless she's really sick.  So, it's better that she goes to school on a day I'm feeling bad unless she sleeps late and gets the rest at that time.  

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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I've been up for three hours after a cortisol spike at 2:00 am trying to understand why people are so cruel to others during a misunderstanding.  Most of it starts with an accidental slight.  But then when some people get hurt accidentally and they are angry they lash out to hurt others on purpose.  They decide that the accidental slight was deliberate, and they really try hard to hurt the other person.  Sometimes, that results in really terrible consequences.

 

I hope neuro emotions eventually end.  I was always sensitive, but when I was on ADs I was able to shrug things off sometimes.  Now, I realize that when I couldn't it was because I was in WD off and on for years on end.  I would stabilize on an updose and then reach tachyphylaxis again, and then the doctor would raise it again.

 

Accept what you cannot change.  I'm so tired.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Moderator Emeritus

The neuroemotions will end, Rosetta.  I'm sorry you're feeling low.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Mentor
5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I hope neuro emotions eventually end.  I was always sensitive, but when I was on ADs I was able to shrug things off sometimes.  Now, I realize that when I couldn't it was because I was in WD off and on for years on end.  I would stabilize on an updose and then reach tachyphylaxis again, and then the doctor would raise it again.

 

Accept what you cannot change.  I'm so tired.

Yup, the neuro-emotions are so hard. Can't wait for them to end. Same here where I could shrug off behavior while drugged but now it's like a raw nerve has been sledgehammered. Totally relate to what you said about "yo-yoing" earlier: I go from stable to black day to day. But the yo-yoing, I hope, is healing. I'm tired too. Take care, @Rosetta.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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I am REALLY so sorry Rosetta that you are going through what you are now...brings me to tears.  I hope that you feel better very soon...that the emotions pass.  Ever since I came down here to get help I have been taken aback by the actions of others...in treatment, residential, doctors, therapists, companies, and the list goes on.  The therapist says I need to find my voice again...one becomes afraid to try.  Your voice is lovely Rosetta...you speak with clarity and honesty and conviction and wisdom and compassion.  You are such a blessing to so many!  Take care!💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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In very much understand being tossed around by neuro emotions.  The amount of crying I am doing is intense. Not all sorrow, lots of frustration, anger and fear in my tears.  

 

You are getting through this and have come a long way.  

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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14 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I've been up for three hours after a cortisol spike at 2:00 am trying to understand why people are so cruel to others during a misunderstanding.  Most of it starts with an accidental slight.  But then when some people get hurt accidentally and they are angry they lash out to hurt others on purpose.  They decide that the accidental slight was deliberate, and they really try hard to hurt the other person.  Sometimes, that results in really terrible consequences.

 

I hope neuro emotions eventually end.  I was always sensitive, but when I was on ADs I was able to shrug things off sometimes.  Now, I realize that when I couldn't it was because I was in WD off and on for years on end.  I would stabilize on an updose and then reach tachyphylaxis again, and then the doctor would raise it again.

 

Accept what you cannot change.  I'm so tired.

 

Hoping you are doing better this evening, I am so sorry you are still struggling so much.

2008 - October 28th, 2016: Zoloft 50 - 150 mgs, settled on 50mgs from 2011 - 2016.
January 23rd - March 1st 2017: Zoloft 50mgs, direct switch to Lexapro.
March 1st - May 1st 2017: Lexapro 10 mgs, down to 5mgs for a week, then off.
June 1st - July 31st 2017: Paxil 20mgs, Lyrica 600mgs
August 1st - September 30th 2017: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
October 1st  - November 12th 2017: Paxil 60mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
November 12th, 2017 - September 4th 2018: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs 

September 4th - September 27th: Paxil 30mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

September 28th - November 7th: Paxil 20mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs (Also Testosterone Therapy started in June 2018 and ended in November 2018)

November 7th 2018 - February 22nd 2019: Paxil 10mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

February 22nd 2019 - April 17th: Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin 1mgs

April 17th - Now: Zoloft 25mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin .5mgs

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Thanks for your comments.  It's been a very hard day, but I did walk.  I had mild Akathisia last night at bedtime.  Eventually, I went to sleep.  The night was tough.  I woke up with a cortisol spike at 2:00, and spent three hours thinking.  When I lay back down it was 5:00 am.  I fell asleep at some point,and it seemed like the blink of an eye when it was time to get up at 6:45.  My daughter has a cough, and I thought I would let her sleep in, but she never fell asleep again.  She tossed and turned, and I became extremely anxious.  I finally took 1/2 a Unisom, and I hoped my daughter would sleep.  

 

The Unisom knocked me out.  I suppose it always does, but I don't have to function if I take it at night.  My daughter was going to have to go to school.  I let my husbamd figure that out.  I couldn't function at all.  I did not get good sleep.  I woke up with cortisol spike after cortisol spike after cortisol spike.  It was horrible.  At about 11:30, I was able to stay awake enough to get up and eat.  Before that I couldn't stay awake even though I was hopelessly having cortisol spikes.  Well, I'll never take 1/2 a Unisom in the day again, I guess.

 

Tonight has been really tough.  My husband is out, and my daughter is full of energy.  She makes messes, and I am very overwhelmed by messes.  Tonight I just broke down in tears because of the mess she made.  I couldn't hide how completely overwhelmed I was.  She really feels bad and gets anxious when that happens, but the harder I tried to control it the more I cried.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Oh Rosetta I am so sorry you had all that yesterday...hoping today was some better?  Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you SO!!!💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Thanks, Rabe.  You are such a dear friend.

 

Journal:

 

I'm pretty messed up right now -- obsessing, getting confused, fearful, all that, but last night I had another insomnia period -- awake from 2:00 to about 5:30 am.  I'm passing back and forth quite quickly between feeling pretty normal and feeling obsession and worry.  It's only 11:35, and my anxiety has passed.  I think the insomnia is hormonal.  It's been over 2 months since my last period started.

 

I took my daughter to school 15 minutes late.  I couldn't face getting her up and ready.  I fell asleep at about 5:30 am and jolted awake once after that, finally settled and fell asleep again.  My husband woke me at about 7:00, and I said I wanted to let my daughter wake up on her own.  It's so much less stressful that way.  She woke up before I could fall asleep again.  So, I got up.  We were only 15 minutes late.  She's fed, she's warm, and she has her lunch and snack.

 

I'm unable to fall asleep again.  I'm obsessing over Christmas, the presents, the cost, the thought of more STUFF coming into my house (Ahhh!!!) but mostly the thought of trying to avoid spoiling the kid but wanting my daughter to have the magic.  She's not sure Santa is real.  A girl in her class who dresses like a teenager -- leather boots, black leather jacket (and dressed that way in First Grade too) is expressing doubts -- expressed them to me right in front of the other kids!!  She's maybe 8.  So sad.  The girl is very calm and confident, and she's been a bit snotty to my daughter, but she's clearly a leader type, and I'm sure the whole class is wondering if she's right.  I think my daughter is procrastinating on writing her letter to Santa because she's afraid he won't bring her the (truly outrageously priced) plastic toy she wants (a discontinued Lego set).  

 

She thinks Santa makes everything and never has to buy anything so money is no issue for him.  I said no, he buys some gifts.  My problem is mostly that I don't want her to be crushed when life gets real just because I wanted her to have this toy she's been wanting for a long time, and I was the one who TOLD her to ask for it for Christmas before I realized that it's been discontinued and fetishized by adults to the point it's no longer a toy, but a "collector's item."  I didnt realize that could happen in just a couple years after the toy was first made!!  People are nuts.  So, I'm thinking of buying her a used set, but THOSE are selling for 3 or 4 times a price that would be sane for a toy!  A toy that will be loved for a month and then have some vital piece lost -- like one dragon wing -- and then it will sit sadly on a shelf -- mocking me for being caught up in the moment.  (That's a joke -- hey, at least I have a little bit of a sense of humor coming back.) 

 

Of course, I'd like to make cakes and cookies and go caroling and have a tree and watch the meteor shower and take her for a horse drawn carriage ride.  That's magical, but I have no energy for all of that.  I still hope to have a tree.  Maybe.

 

My brain is all over the place.  I have moments - short fleeting moments -- when I feel normal, and they are noticable.  I'll suddenly think "I am all right, I'm clearheaded, I'm centered, this is normality!" but I know it's just a cruel joke right then and there before the feeling even goes away.  I know I'll be feeling SI in the deep dark depths of the next night or I'll be afraid the cat's fleas carry the plague and yet getting the flea treatment out of the cabinet and holding the cat down to put that poison on her neck is just too much.  What is that poison doing to us?  Is it more risky than the 1 in a billion chance of the plague?  If ADs are poison marketed despite the known risks then what is in Advantage?  Do I get rid of the cat?  That would scar my daughter for sure.  And on and on it goes.  What's in my food?  What off gassing from my couch?  The freeway isn't safe.  My teeth are rotting out.  It's constant in the dead of night.

 

Meanwhile,  I can do nothing about the most important issue -- gathering up stuff for goodwill so that I have less stuff to try to deal with and so that I can regain some control over my house, and therefore, my life. My brain betrays me, my anxiety level rises every time my brain betrays me, and I can avoid the spiral if I avoid trying to gather up this stuff.  I just don't go there.  That's great for short periods, but then when I'm deep in a wave, and I'm actually, literally, afraid that all this clutter is going to hurt me, hurt my daughter's development, and when I KNOW it's hurting my husband to live this way.  (He's quite ill, going in for an endoscopy and a stomach function test and a cat scan, too, sigh.  I hope they just confirm that there is nothing truly wrong, but I think it's the stress of dealing with my illness, plain and simple, and eventually he will have some physical effect that is serious.) I'm so angry with myself that I cannot get off my couch and throw stuff in boxes, but anhedonia interrupts that feeling and another week goes by.

 

Deciding what to throw in the boxes for donation is so hard because there is no order in my head.  I see too many possibilities at once.  I wonder if this is what it's like for autistic people who get overwhelmed by too much stimulus and curl up in a ball and scream.  Because that's what I used to want to do when my brain saw too many divergent paths to organizing all this stuff to give it away.  I feel a moral obligation to organize it -- to put all the pieces of a set of whatever it is together -- so that the goodwill won't just chuck it in a dumpster due to the fact that it's incomplete.  I see pieces of sets everywhere -- everything has its companion pieces, and they should be together.  Otherwise, I might as well just throw it all out right now.  And that thought makes me start to obsess about the stuff that I will keep being disorganized.  Eventually, I realize that the "sets" are toys, and they are not on the chopping block anyway because I can't even consider going through the process of getting them out of here as that process involves my daughter in some way.  

 

It's my stuff that has to go and that stuff -- I can't make decisions about -- because it's not about sets or organization, it's an utter lack of ability to decide what I need or don't need.  Or where to put what I have BECAUSE of my daughter's stuff being here -- her toys, things she made, drawings, etc.  It all gets in the way inside my mind.  Somehow there's no order inside my mind.   I can't do one without doing the other -- I can't decide what to toss without seeing toys and drawings and her clothes all disorganized.  It's as if I need that stuff organized before I can make decisions about the other stuff that isn't hers?  Is that it?  I don't know for sure, but I think so.  I need order before I can purge.  I can't get order until I have purged.  It's a catch 22 inside my head.

 

The disorganization feels so very threatening to me.  So, I start to organize the stuff I will keep instead of filling a box with stuff to give away, but the stuff I don't want gets in the way, and I get overwhelmed.  I used to actually curl up in a ball on the staircase and scream.  I really did.  Because when I felt that way -- when I felt that bizarre disorganization in my mind -- I knew a wave was coming.  I didn't know it was called a wave back then.  Before I read SA, I simply knew that the schizophernia or psychosis or whatever I was suffering was coming back.  And at that time I didn't know it would ever leave.  For all I knew someday it would come and stay -- forever -- and I would have to die to avoid being locked in a padded room. 

 

So, the bright side of all of this is that I'm Seeing clearly that I'm climbing out -- very, very slowly, of course -- and I slip back a few feet, and I languish there on some ledge in this deep well I'm living inside.  I may languish there while the dishes pile up and the laundry piles up and Christmas is barreling down on me at 100 mph, and I may feel a LOT of fear while I'm languishing, BUT I am climbing out.  I NEVER sit on the stairs hugging my legs and scream these days.  I never sink down next to the dishwasher and cry out "I don't want to die!"  I don't want to die!!" between sobs and shortness of breath that feels so intense that I'm surprised I don't pass out.  It happened at random for no discernable reason at all, and quite frequently, also, last Fall.

 

Now, I never feel that I have to off myself just in time to avoid being committed.   I have moved beyond that point in this withdrawal journey, it seems.  When I have SI it usually happens in the dead of night after I wake with a cortisol rush, and generally only if I can't go back to sleep.  Yet it did not happen last night.  I read instead of lying there in the dark.  That's probably part of the reason I didn't fall back sleep, but it's probably also why I had no SI.  Nice choice, huh?

 

These days, I may get down on my knees and cry with my forehead on the floor.  It may look awful, I may look crazy, but it's categorically different -- the way I feel -- when I meltdown.  It really is.  It happened evening before last -- I cried with my forehead on the floor looking like someone whose dog was just killed before her eyes, I'm sure.  Over what? Over a mess.  A simple mess.  Why did I cry?  Because it overwhelmed me; it was too much stimulus; it required my attention, my physical action, and I was not feeling very calm and clear beforehand.  My daughter poured a trail of dry cat food over the floor nearly the entire length of the family room -- for the cat to follow.  There was enough cat food in that trail to feed that cat for about 3 days!!  But that's not all.  She filled 2 bowls with water and THEN filled them with more dry cat food -- to the brim and water was everywhere on a wood floor.  I said, "Why?! You are not 4; you are 7!!  Why would you do this?!!" and then I started to cry, and I just folded right there on the floor next to the bowls.  I feel so guilty for showing such weakness to her, such lack of control and vulnerability.  I worry that it will make her an insecure adult.  It sickens me, but I couldn't control it.  The positive thing is that that was a very extreme circumstance, but I didn't feel SI.  Not one bit.  It seems that SI is now a middle of the night sort of Midsummer Night's Dream type event nowdays.  It's very rare in the day, and I recovered quickly.  I hugged her and accepted her apology and after she tried to clean up I finished it.  I recovered and then made her dinner instead of having to give her a box of cereal, turn on the TV, and retreat into a dark room in order to calm down.  I recovered and went on to do what I needed to do!!  That is incredible in terms of showing progress.  It would seem trivial to anyone who has a normal brain, but it's really remarkable.  (She was bored and lonely, and she needs a dog.  I can't imagine having a dog right now.)

 

When I meltdown I am feeling profound frustration and sadness and yes, some fear, but compared to how meltdowns used to feel -- it's like night and day or like death and life.  I'm not afraid that my only choice is to die in order to avoid a worse fate -- not really.  Except when I think about the plague -- a little bit --(ha ha, yes, it's so ridiculous that I'm smiling, too).  But it's not as if my very MIND is vibrating inside my head when I think about the plague.  It feels like I'm a normal person when I worry about the plague -- but I am horrified by it.  I suppose the best analogy is that I feel like I am able to objectively see that that fear is pretty silly (and yet the fear is real and remains after I notice that it's silly) whereas the fear of losing my mind was not, in any way, whatsoever, something I could describe as silly -- not even today -- it was not silly -- not for me in that moment and not for me now when I'm remembering it.  

 

The analogy that Akathisia is perhaps like being at the window of a 10 story building that is on fire and having to decide to jump or burn -- that's a very, very good analogy, I believe, although I've never been in that position.  That fear that I would kill myself even if I didn't want to because I had no choice in the matter -- which is what I was feeling when I was on the kitchen floor crying out "I don't want to die!" while my husband stared at me with a look of utter bewilderment, and said "Then don't."  That "fear," -- if the simple word fear can ever come within a million miles of being an adequate word for what I was feeling -- has gone.  I'm back to feeling something in between the SI of normal depression and the SI of last November.  It's still not garden variety SI.  I can see that clearly -- it's a bit off the charts, a bit ludicrous considering how objectively safe and secure I am in reality.  And, more or less, it only happens at night.

 

Well, that is where I am.  This is the 4th Christmas I have been anxious and overwhelmed.  I should be feeling excited and thrilled to have a child to share Christmas with.  The Fourth!  I hope there's no anhedonia when she opens her gifts!! Good grief that was rough last year.  The two years prior I enjoyed the fruits of my efforts as much as it was agony to get ready.  Last year, I didn't even get the feeling of fun and pleasure at having made it happen.  Her next birthday was the same way.  Oh, how I hope it's fun for me on Christmas Day.  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Yesterday, I had a wide window in the evening.  It was a nice time for it because I wanted to take my daughter to see the meteor shower.  We went and had a wonderful time.  It was a very taxing thing to do as I had to drive an hour up a mountain and then back down the mountain at 9:00 pm.  More proof of healing.  

 

Then, I slept almost through the night.  I had one hot flash and fell back asleep rather easily.  That was it.  Really amazing.  Today I felt as if I didn't sleep much.  Odd.  After breakfast I was crying out of frustration in trying to organize for Christmas. That was a strange emotional swing, but not too surprising.  Then I went to help with art.  I needed a nap, but I was afraid of having a toxic nap.  So, I went for a walk.  I saw a great blue heron and a small flock of white Pelicans at the lake.  I really enjoyed seeing them.  No anhedonia.

 

Besides being tired I felt normal after my walk.  Now, at about 7:00 I feel quite irritable. Time for bed.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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A wide window....that sounds amazing, Rosetta!  And how cool you took your daughter to see the meteor shower - so glad you had a wonderful time together! 

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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Hello Rosetta

 

You write so eloquently about your days and what happens to you - even if I don't get the same symptoms I can get the feel of what it is like.  A really really uncomfortable place to be.  So, I'm glad you had a window and that you are able to realise that there is some healing from a year ago or so.  You're doing so well to keep things as together as you are right now.  I only wish I could come round and help you organise all the stuff you want tidied up/bundled out in your house.  But then, I'd be pretty useless as I am really bad at doing that for myself - I start out and then get absorbed in checking old papers etc. and not knowing whether I want to keep them or shred them up and throw them out.  Thankfully I have pared down what comes into the house to necessities - I'm glad I don't like lots of ornaments, so I don't have any.

 

Anyway, I hope you have more windows and can manage Christmas enough to pull it off in some fashion for your daughter (crikey, the Lego thing sounds like a challenge).  It's certainly a crazy time of year and as a parent of course you want your child to have the best time.  I'm sure you'll do you best to give her that.

 

Thinking of you

 

Neroli 💜

2006 Citalopram 20mg on and off to 2013.  April 2013 - July 2014  Sertraline, Venlafaxine, Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine v. bad reactions. July 2014 - CT Mirtazapine.  July 2014 - February 2016 Medication free, long term w/d.  February - July 2016 Fluoxetine.  Medication free, long term w/d syndrome.  2017 Jan physical breakdown.

2017 February - March Escitalopram, Nortriptyline instated.  Lorazepam, Zopiclone PRN.  April 2017 Lithium Carbonate 250mg 1 wk. 14 August 2017 finish cross to Diazepam 22.5mg daily, stop Zopiclone

Tapers:

Diazepam 

2017 21 August - 30 Dec 21.25mg to 14.5mg 2018 6 Jan - 11 May to 12mg.  2 June updose to 12.25mg - hold. 2019 (0.5mg cuts) 12 Jan - 28 Dec 12mg to 10mg 2020 (0.25mg cuts) - 25 Jan - 29 Dec 9.75mg to 6.25mg 2021 *May have bungled dose and accidentally took 1mg more for about a month (7.25mg), so 4 Jan started again at 6.5mg; 19 Jan 6.25mg; 1 Feb 6.0mg; 23 Feb 5.75mg; 9 Mar 5.5mg; 23 Mar 5.25mg; 9 Apr 5.0mg; 6 May 4.75mg; 13 May 4.5mg; 6 Jun 4mg; 12 July 3.5mg; 2 sep 3.0mg; 15 Sep 2.5mg; 1 Nov 2mg; 15 Nov 1.5mg; 16 Dec 1mg; 26 Dec 0.5mg; 2022 1 Jan - OFF

Escitalopram - 2022 1 Mar to 9mg; 29 Mar 8mg; 24 May 7mg; 21 Jun 5mg; 19 Jul 4mg; 1 Sep 3mg; 23 Sep 2.5mg; 31 Oct 1.5mg; 22 Nov 0.5mg; 2023 1 Jan 0.25mg; 1 Mar OFF

Nortriptyline  2018 90mg to 2020 1 Dec down to 72.5mg; 2021 20 May 70mg; 8 Jun 67.5mg; 24 Jun 65mg; 31 July 60mg; 12 Oct 55mg; 23 Oct 50mg; 2022 13 Jan 40mg; 22 Jan 30mg; 29 Mar 20mg; 26 Apr 10mg; 3 Aug 5mg; 23 Sep 2.5mg; 2023 1 Jan - OFF

 

1 March 2023 - off all drugs - 6-year taper off three drugs.

 

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Hi Rosetta,

 

Good to hear you are in a wavy situation!!

 

Why is Christmas such a stressful time for everyone. I have the feeling that, especially in the US, they raise the bar very high. Like you have to make it wonderful for everyone even if you don't feel like it. Is that the case in the United States? Just wondering?

 

We're in Disneyland Paris at the moment and it is so soaked in Christmas everywhere. I think why? The park is fun enough on its own.

 

 

We skipped Christmas a few times. Just told family we were not in the mood and watched movies and ate snacks! Eventually they understood and we had a wonderful small family time

 

Very relaxed and recommended.

 

Well I hope you have a great Christmas of course but if your WD doesn't allow you to do things...listen to your body!!

 

Happy healing Rosetta!

 

 

Jozeff

Sep- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

Apr 2018 -  Jun 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

Jun 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 wks

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose).

 

2019 apr 27 : START taper citalopram @ 18 mg: 29Jun 16.4 mg / 19aug 15.4 mg / 25aug 15.2 mg / 30sep 14.0 mg / 4dec 13.1 mg

2020  03Jan 12.75 mg / 28Jan 12.29 mg / 18Feb 11.83 mg, 25Feb 11.68 mg hold.. / 7May 11.33 mg hold...., 4Aug 10.98 mg / 5Dec 10.0 mg 4 month hold...

2021 30mar 9.8 mg / 06apr 9.5 mg /  13apr 9.4 mg / 14may 8,5 mg / 04jun 8,0 mg / 11jun 7.75 mg, 02jul 7.35 mg /  09jul 7.2 mg hold 3 weeks during holiday /31jul 7 mg/ 8aug 6.8 mg / 15aug 6.63mg / 22aug 6.5mg / 1sep 6.3 mg / 8sep 6.15 mg / 15sep 6.0 mg / 22sep 5.9 mg / 29sep 5.8 mg / 04 oct 5.65 mg / 10oct 5.55 mg / 17oct 5.45 mg / 24oct 5.35mg / 30oct 5.25 mg hold 3 wks / 22nov 5.15 mg / 01dec 5.1mg / 12dec 5.0mg / 20dec 4.85mg / 30dec 4.70mg

2022   08jan 4.5 mg / 16jan 4.4 mg / 23jan 4.3 mg / 27jan 4.2 mg / 18feb 4.1 mg / 25feb 4.0 mg / 04mar 3.9 mg / 11mar 3.75 mg / 18Mar 3.65 mg / 09apr 3.55 mg / 16apr 3.45 mg / 23apr 3.35 mg / 01may 3.25 mg / 8may 3.15 mg / 17may 3.10 mg / 28 may 3.0 mg / 7jun 2.94 mg / 18 Jun 2.88 mg / 27 jun 2.84 mg / 05 jul 2.80 mg / 16 jul 2.75 mg / 23 jul 2.70 mg / 01aug 2.65 mg / 09aug 2.60 mg hold 5wks / 18sep 2.55 mg / 25sep 2.5 mg /02oct 2.45 mg / 10oct 2.40 mg / 19oct 2.35 mg / 27oct 2.30 mg / 05nov 2.27 mg / 14nov 2.25 mg / 22nov 2.20 mg / 29nov 2.10mg / 09dec 2.05 mg / 15dec 2.0 mg 

2023  hold 2.0 mg for 5 months / 05may 1.95 mg / 14may 1.90 mg / 24may 1.87 mg / 02jun 1.85 mg / 17jun 1.82 mg / 27jun 1.79 mg / 07jul 1.75 mg / 31jul 1.72 mg / 12aug 1.69mg / 27aug 1.67 mg / 04sep 1.65 mg / 09sep 1.63 mg / 22sep 1.61 mg / 27sep 1.60 mg / 12oct 1.58 mg / 18oct 1.56 mg / 31oct 1.54 mg / 06nov 1.52 mg / 18nov 1.50 mg / 04dec 1.48 mg / 11dec 1.46 mg / 22dec 1.45 mg / 28dec 1.44 mg

2024 01jan 1.43 mg / 06jan 1.42 mg/ 10jan 1.40 mg hold /

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Hi Rosetta....that post has such a nice ring to it...it mut feel so nice to get to a point where you REAlly can see and believe you are healing!!!  I am so happy for you!  The meteor shower sounds wonderful.  Did your daughter like it?  And the pelicans and heron....and the good nights sleep...hope is a wonderful balm for healing in itself!  Blessing and hugs Rosetta!  💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Hi rosetta  fairly new here been off Sertraline 8 months after a fast taper so glad you are seeing improvements so happy for you ....the bit that you wrote about on your knees crying or slumping next to dishwasher crying mo hope ...thats me at the moment and its the hardest thing ive had to go through 

Jan 2016 SertralineJuly 2016 stopped

Feb 2017 sertraline 50mg

Aug 2017 Sertraline 150mg

Sep 2017 Sertraline 100mg

Nov 2017 Sertraline 50mg 

Feb 2018 Sertraline 25mg

March 2018 Sertraline 12.5 mg 

Jan 2019 to May 2019 Miirtazepine 7.5mg

May 2019 for 3 weeks Citalopram 20mg 

August 2019 Sertraline 100mg

June 2021 off Setraline last dose 6mg

 

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A bit about my history (and the ignorance and carelessness of doctors.)

 

Long before I found SA, while I was still taking sertraline, I was prescribed Xanax when anxiety became a big problem.  This was after the sertraline dose was maxed out at 150 mg or maybe even before at a lower dose.  I was using alcohol intermittently for a while, too, to calm down.  I believe the Xanax kindled me, (the alcohol did, too) and made everything worse.  I took Xanax infrequently because of my fear of addiction.  

 

Eventually, I quit sertraline and Xanax entirely.  A doctor tried to force me to take 1.5 mg of Xanax everyday.  She made me sign a contract saying I would.  I decided in that moment that doctors had no idea how to help me.  That's absolutely nuts.  It was prescribing addiction, and there is no way she was not aware of that.  She probably assumed due to my symptoms that I was all ready addicted, but she didn't even see me or talk to me.  She didn't confirm my intake of Xanax.  She relied on her physician's assistant's description of our consultation!!  I had been taking 1/4 to 1/2 a milligram every 3 days or so to avoid addiction.  I ever once met that doctor not even before the day this prescription was made.

 

I switched back to my old doctors, and just quit all the drugs.  That's when I developed  insomnia, and I was given Trazodone for sleep.  Finally, as my condition continued to worsen I quit Trazodone.  I thought it was harming me.  It was.  I was probably addicted to it by the time I quit.  I don't know how I began to sleep again, but I did without any drugs at all.  Sleeping with Trazodone wasn't real sleep.  I never felt rested.  It was more a matter of passing out, being half wake all night long, and then waking up with extremely intense anxiety early in the morning.  So, I gave up on all medical help.  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Sigh . . . Tough day.  Slept well last night overall.  Some time awake after a dead of the night cortisol spike, but I fell back asleep and slept until morning.  I didn't have 3 or 4 spikes or hot flashes.  Then I woke up with a cortisol spike about 7:30, and started feeling sad about how my mother treated me.  I think that's because she called yesterday.  She wants to be a grandmother after having never been a mother, and I quite frankly hate her for that.  

 

So, I've been feeling like a little girl, an emotionally abandoned little girl, and I've been fretting over how to provide a good home for my daughter while feeling as if I never grew past feeling abandoned . . . all that stuff.  Ick.  A part of me knows it's influenced by overblown emotions caused by WD, but I'm not able to ignore the emotions either.  I've been crying a lot today.  My poor husband is sad that's his love can't heal the little girl inside me and that he can't make me feel safe.  

 

Today, I could have gone out to do something earlier.  I had the energy and the willpower, but I needed cooperation from others.  I couldn't make it happen alone.  Now, I feel terrible.  I really think that if I could have gone for a walk I would feel better right now.  It's hard to say for sure, but I think so.  I keep crying.  The Yo-yo is almost to the floor I hope.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Oh Rosetta...I feel so for you!!  Have you read the book The Body Keeps the Score?  I truly believe it could be of great help to you...to better understand.  I underlined or dog eared nearly every page!  There are many book options but I think that one is a good place to start.

You were triggered by your mothers call.  We are adults, but the little girl that was so hurt in so many ways has never gone away and never will, I believe, until I help her as well...and that is a separate journey from the one I am currently on, though it is still a part of it because it is so strong. 

Ignoring that childs' feelings does not make them disappear..it just doesnt...I am finally realizing that.  There is no one and no place that will bring the safety I seek until I come to face and understand and let out what is inside with my little girl.  I find it hard to know if it is me crying or that little girl crying often....they are so intertwined. 

Know I am crying with you, holding you in my heart...and that I am knowing you will make it through all your journeys because of you tenacity, honesty, strength and determination!  Love and hugs!!!💜

 

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment

Thank you, Rabe.  I really thought I was past all of that, and that we could move on.  At the time my daughter was born things seemed to be all right, and I felt safe.  Then, the doctor switch my meds, of course.  Just after I had found what I thought was a peace with the past!  When my grandfather was dying just 2-3 months later, it all came back, and then my uncle and mother started ramping up their dysfunctional dance.  You are right -- it's a completely separate issue from WD, but WD interferes with the healing.  I can't deal with trying to heal from that when my cortisol and adrenaline are constantly scaring me out of my wits.  All I can do is breathe and take magnesium and try to do right by my daughter and husband.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time i really feel for you its heart breaking hearing peoples accounts of what they are goimg through just remember you are not alone we are all here for you this will end 

Jan 2016 SertralineJuly 2016 stopped

Feb 2017 sertraline 50mg

Aug 2017 Sertraline 150mg

Sep 2017 Sertraline 100mg

Nov 2017 Sertraline 50mg 

Feb 2018 Sertraline 25mg

March 2018 Sertraline 12.5 mg 

Jan 2019 to May 2019 Miirtazepine 7.5mg

May 2019 for 3 weeks Citalopram 20mg 

August 2019 Sertraline 100mg

June 2021 off Setraline last dose 6mg

 

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13 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

it's a completely separate issue from WD, but WD interferes with the healing.  I can't deal with trying to heal from that when my cortisol and adrenaline are constantly scaring me out of my wits.  All I can do is breathe and take magnesium and try to do right by my daughter and husband.

You are right Rosetta....I was trying to when I came here.  I was tapering and doing trauma work and I was really a mess.  Here it was suggested I not do the trauma work and it was a spot on suggestion.  

It does really rev things up...but I know too that it is always underneath the surface and my fears feed it and it feeds my fears.  I understand now why my home, the familiarity,  the friends nearby, the routine, the distractions, the daily chores...all of it...why that was so so important to me.  It was my place, it was in order, I knew who I could call on for what, I had a support system in place, my body and mind were busy....I felt in control, I could be OC and it seemed part of keeping my home in good shape...of taking care of it well...it was my safe place.  I could leave it for a bit and do quite remarkable things for me...and then return to it once again and exhale and relax.  That is gone now....

The book is not a work book or anything...it is something you could read if you want...to simply help with understanding what happens in the brain etc.  It helped me so so much just to begin to understand and forgive myself and to know there will be answers there as well...if it isn't a good thing then put it away for another time.  It is written by someone who started working at a hospital where many people had PTSD and he learned from them...he put away his book knowledge and learned from them...remarkable doctor.  They have pictures of what happens in the brain...and compare people who faced the same trauma but the results were different and why that is.  It was just insightful for me.  Wish other psychiatrists could and would do the same with these meds as he did!!!  Take care!!!! Love and hugs!!!

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment

At least 4 maybe 5 cortisol spikes last night,. None upon awakening.  So, I'm jittery, but functional.  Made breakfast, getting the kid in the bath.  Not sure I can go to the MILs though.  Thinking of staying home to rest.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Take care of you!!!💜

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment

Today has been rough, but no meltdowns.  Stayed home and everyone stayed home with me.  Two days in a row.  Usually it would not be good at all for a weekend to go like this, but I've been functioning today -- with a lot of frustration and anxiety -- but functioning at decent level.  I cooked breakfast.  I helped my daughter do a math project that involved glue, sequins, jewels, etc,  and took 3 darn hours!!!!  Also, I washed her hair and got a load of laundry in the machine.  Trying to get her to do her reading now so that we can eat and go to bed on time.  This is so difficult with a young child. 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Im so happy to hear your day went as well as it did Rosetta...many good moments and times of sharing and caring.  If you ever doubt your strength and perseverance....don't!  You are amazing!!! 💜  

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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The night was hard.  I woke up from a cortisol spike in the dark with Akathisia like feelings -- the electricity feeling running through my legs and arms.  I had been having restless legs on and off for a few days.  

 

When I woke in the morning I had definite Akathisia.  I'd say it was medium to mild grade physically and mentally.  It's been building over the last few days, and I'm not following the pattern of better in the evening.  It seems to come and go.  This morning, I got my daughter ready, and she seemed very sad.  She was tired and wanted to go back to bed.  I'm afraid this weekend took a toll on her.  I was anxious the whole weekend.  I feel so guilty and so angry that this has happened to me.  This morning I cried and cried and cried after my husband took my daughter to school.  He thinks this wave is different somehow and that's why we didn't recognize it as a wave until now.  I suppose that's a good thing -- a change.  I'm trying to feel good about it.

 

In the night, my mind focused on what to do for art this Friday.  I think my mind is having different episodes of insomnia and worry at different times.  Sometimes, I'm worried about the future, my future, my daughter's future, bad things happening, death, etc.. Other times when I'm awake in the night my mind focuses on trying to solve a problem such as what to do for art -- it spins and spins in circles trying to work out just the perfect thing.  I think that may be a part of Akathisia maybe -- the getting stuck on a subject?  Maybe not.  Sometimes my mind flits from subject to subject frantically.  Maybe they are both due to Akathisia.  I can't be sure that I always have restless legs when either of these intrusive thought episodes happen.  So, I was awake for far too long trying to figure out the art project.  Nothing seems right.  I have to trust that it will come to me later.  

 

I also had another cortisol spike, also in the dark, and I woke up feeling guilty that we have no Christmas tree.  I can't do it and neither can my husband.  I asked him.  He said no.  He's under the weather.  He says it won't matter because my daughter is loved, that we are always with her, that she doesn't have a different caregiver every so often, that she is very lucky overall and having no Christmas tree for the second year in a row is minor compared to all the positives in her life.  I'm not sure, but I think the stress of having one would be as bad as not having one.

 

We will all be in this house for two weeks together over Christmas.  I don't know how we will get through it.  After only two days of a weekend here I'm completely frazzled.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

I empathize with what you are going through. Akathisia is hard and there seems to be nothing to do for it but ride it though.

 

From everything i have read over this time on your thread, your daughter is very loved.  

 

I am wishing you more healing every day.  

 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Oh Rosetta i feel for you its such a long hard journey but you show such strength and courage make a decision about the tree one way or the other then just let it go you have such love for your family your daughter is very lucky to have you stay strong each day that passes is a day closer to full recovery am supporting you all the way 💚

Jan 2016 SertralineJuly 2016 stopped

Feb 2017 sertraline 50mg

Aug 2017 Sertraline 150mg

Sep 2017 Sertraline 100mg

Nov 2017 Sertraline 50mg 

Feb 2018 Sertraline 25mg

March 2018 Sertraline 12.5 mg 

Jan 2019 to May 2019 Miirtazepine 7.5mg

May 2019 for 3 weeks Citalopram 20mg 

August 2019 Sertraline 100mg

June 2021 off Setraline last dose 6mg

 

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Rosetta-i can totally empathize with the thought process you are dealing with because I am having the same thing. I never thought of it as akathisia before but I find that it is happening when I am in bed and trying to go to sleep or when I wake up. Those seem to be mostly the times I am having akathisia too. Thank you for making this more clear to me. If you could also find out how to treat it—brilliant!  Haha. :)

 

You will make it over the holidays in your house with your family. I know this because you have made it this far. You continue to find the little glimpses of positives and you will even in the dark.

 

There are so many expectations placed on the holidays and family is actually the most important piece—being there and loving the people who are close to us.  Your daughter feels loved.  I know it’s hard at this time because it feels like you’re not able to make the choice—you have to go with how you feel right now. It will change—next year will be different you will be able to choose instead of having the way you feel make the choice for you. 

 

Warm hugs to you—

 

Sheera

Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015

May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely.

October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016.

 

Currently off all antidepressants

 

Current Supplements:  L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic

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Rosetta, sounds like you are having a rough time. I'm sending you hugs from the Netherlands and I hope you will feel better pretty soon.

 

I hope you'll have a wonderful Christmas time with your family.

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

Sep- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

Apr 2018 -  Jun 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

Jun 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 wks

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose).

 

2019 apr 27 : START taper citalopram @ 18 mg: 29Jun 16.4 mg / 19aug 15.4 mg / 25aug 15.2 mg / 30sep 14.0 mg / 4dec 13.1 mg

2020  03Jan 12.75 mg / 28Jan 12.29 mg / 18Feb 11.83 mg, 25Feb 11.68 mg hold.. / 7May 11.33 mg hold...., 4Aug 10.98 mg / 5Dec 10.0 mg 4 month hold...

2021 30mar 9.8 mg / 06apr 9.5 mg /  13apr 9.4 mg / 14may 8,5 mg / 04jun 8,0 mg / 11jun 7.75 mg, 02jul 7.35 mg /  09jul 7.2 mg hold 3 weeks during holiday /31jul 7 mg/ 8aug 6.8 mg / 15aug 6.63mg / 22aug 6.5mg / 1sep 6.3 mg / 8sep 6.15 mg / 15sep 6.0 mg / 22sep 5.9 mg / 29sep 5.8 mg / 04 oct 5.65 mg / 10oct 5.55 mg / 17oct 5.45 mg / 24oct 5.35mg / 30oct 5.25 mg hold 3 wks / 22nov 5.15 mg / 01dec 5.1mg / 12dec 5.0mg / 20dec 4.85mg / 30dec 4.70mg

2022   08jan 4.5 mg / 16jan 4.4 mg / 23jan 4.3 mg / 27jan 4.2 mg / 18feb 4.1 mg / 25feb 4.0 mg / 04mar 3.9 mg / 11mar 3.75 mg / 18Mar 3.65 mg / 09apr 3.55 mg / 16apr 3.45 mg / 23apr 3.35 mg / 01may 3.25 mg / 8may 3.15 mg / 17may 3.10 mg / 28 may 3.0 mg / 7jun 2.94 mg / 18 Jun 2.88 mg / 27 jun 2.84 mg / 05 jul 2.80 mg / 16 jul 2.75 mg / 23 jul 2.70 mg / 01aug 2.65 mg / 09aug 2.60 mg hold 5wks / 18sep 2.55 mg / 25sep 2.5 mg /02oct 2.45 mg / 10oct 2.40 mg / 19oct 2.35 mg / 27oct 2.30 mg / 05nov 2.27 mg / 14nov 2.25 mg / 22nov 2.20 mg / 29nov 2.10mg / 09dec 2.05 mg / 15dec 2.0 mg 

2023  hold 2.0 mg for 5 months / 05may 1.95 mg / 14may 1.90 mg / 24may 1.87 mg / 02jun 1.85 mg / 17jun 1.82 mg / 27jun 1.79 mg / 07jul 1.75 mg / 31jul 1.72 mg / 12aug 1.69mg / 27aug 1.67 mg / 04sep 1.65 mg / 09sep 1.63 mg / 22sep 1.61 mg / 27sep 1.60 mg / 12oct 1.58 mg / 18oct 1.56 mg / 31oct 1.54 mg / 06nov 1.52 mg / 18nov 1.50 mg / 04dec 1.48 mg / 11dec 1.46 mg / 22dec 1.45 mg / 28dec 1.44 mg

2024 01jan 1.43 mg / 06jan 1.42 mg/ 10jan 1.40 mg hold /

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