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RandyJames: need support


RandyJames

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi @RandyJames--I was just catching up on your thread.  I hope you're doing better.

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • 10 months later...

Hi @RandyJames:  I have been wondering how you were doing?  Were you able to stabilize again?  I also had a good run for a bit there but am back in the soup.  It is so hard to have felt better only to feel back to the beginning again.  I hold on to hope though that my brain (and yours!) was able to get to a better place so will again....it just doesn't feel like it currently!  I really hope you are doing better than when you last posted.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

@wantreliefHi wantrelief.  It's nice to hear from you again and very good to hear that you had a good run for awhile.  I hope it was a really good window for you.  

 

(Trigger Warning) I've also tried really hard to write this coherently but I give up.  

 

I wish I had better news but I am doing absolutely terrible. I attempted suicide a couple of days after my last post. I was hospitalized and then put into a nightmare facility for 2 weeks.  I'm doing no better at this point and am really struggling with suicidal thoughts every single day. I believe a lot of what I am experiencing is something other than the withdrawal but some of it is definitely withdrawal.  I'm really struggling to type this out right now as there is so much I have to say and my brain is fried.  I have so many medical worries as to what is going on with me. 

 

My neck surgery fixed nothing.  I couldn't lift my left arm afterward for about 9 months, though it slowly improved, and I have a numb thumb and twitching spasms in my forearm and ribs on the left.  Even before this for years i've struggled with breathing.  It feels like my muscles are failing to expand my ribs.  My left eyelid droops and my right eye looks and feels sunken in.  There is so much pain and weird pulling feelings coming from above my eyes and from the back of my skull and across my head.  The right side of my neck is the most painful and the muscles running down the side are loaded with painful knotted tissue that literally feels diseased.  I am so dizzy every second of everyday and it really seems to be coming from my neck which I dont think is from withdrawal.  Certain movements of my eyes or head make me feel like im tilting or tilting or dropping.  THe base of my skull grinds and cracks with every movement.  I can't think straight at all and I worry the blood flow to my brain is restricted in some way.All through the day i loose my breath with what I can only describe as the feeling you get trying to breathe with your head sticking out the window of a fast moving car but without the wind in your face.  This to feels like it's related to nerves and muscle troubles. Walking has become harder than ever.  It feels like there is a twist in my body and each side moves differently so I am never centered and always rebalancing. My left leg turns different than the right and my foot will catch the ground and trip me up a lot.  With the breathing trouble and dizziness it feels like I'm about to drop dead just taking a walk around the neighborhood.  A couple weeks ago a car of teenage girls drove by and one let out a screaming laugh and yelled look at the way he walks.  It really sucked because I have tried to tel;llmyself it's not as obvious as it feels.  I have had brain MRI's and MRI's of my spine and there is no sign of MS.  My spine feels spring loaded.  It's really a weird feeling.

 

I was paying out of pocket for medical until I was hospitalized for the suicide attempt at which point I qualified for state insurance.  I own my own home and have a small savings but was unemployed so somehow it worked and I can't keep spending our money on medical so I am stuck with it now.  I had no idea how bad state insurance was.  I am assigned to a garbage clinic called Wellspace and their only function seems to be to keep you from seeing any specialist so the insurance doesnt have to pay.  It takes 2 months to get an appointment there.  I've gone to the ER at least 6 times in the last year and they dont find anything.   Even if I wanted to pay out of pocket for anything now it would be considered insurance fraud because of this stupid insurance.  I can't even get in to see a neck specialist to even try trigger point injections or anything.  As for my taper, my scale stopped working for small weights so i bought another gemeni scale and it was the same problem.  I bought a different brand and it still was giving random weights so I've had to eyeball the pill as I cut it.  I'm at about 1.25 mg now as I am taking 1/4 of a 5 mg pill but it's never exact because of how it crumbles.  

 

I don't know what to do and I feel like I am beyond done. I literally can't do this anymore.  Sorry for being so dark but I don't know what else to say at this point.

 

 

1994-2009 benzos from age 20 to 36.  Added Cymbalta 60mg in 2007.

2008-2009 tapered benzos to zero and quit Cymbalta Cold turkey.  WD HELL for two years

2011 started on Lexapro to combat the withdrawal and it worked.  

2015 switched to Prozac as Lexapro was not working as well

2017 quit Prozac cold turkey November and crashed into WD.  Reinstated Prozac In December with no benefit. 

2018 Switched back to Lexapro in January and it took most of the issues away in around 2-3 weeks

2019 In February Lexapro has pooped out and WD feelings back.  Tolerance WD I'm sure.

           March 12th Upped my dose to 30 mgs per doctor's advice to see if Tolerance WD goes away but have had worsening sleep issues with limbs jerking and less sleep.

           March 17th dropped back down to 20 mgs and had less limb jerking last night but sleep no better.  

           April 20th cut to 18mg.            

 

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@RandyJames:  I am so terribly sorry to read what you've been through and are still going through. I wish I could do something to alleviate your pain, both physical and emotional. I really hope you can find some answers as to what is causing your symptoms.  You are in my thoughts, RJ.  Please hold on.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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@RandyJames

It is harrowing to read what you are going through. I cannot imagine. My heart goes out to you. 

 

Your courage and strength are staggering. 

In my experience, what other people view from the outside as "being brave" usually feels on the inside like "being up sh*t's creek without a paddle". 

I don't know what it's like to be you, but from where I'm standing you look pretty d*mn brave.

I'm writing to tell you I'm bowled over by your GRIT. 

 

Amidst it all, you continue to taper and seem determined to get off psych drugs. That is an impressive demonstration of fortitude. And a massive "f*ck you" to the medical/psychiatric establishment -- which, frankly, DELIGHTS me. Thank you infinitely for that. You are my hero.  

 

Thank you for making the effort to log on and write an update. I am grateful to you for your post. You matter and your story is important.

Thank you for sharing what you are going through. 

 

Although it may feel challenging in the moment, know that you have done a very good job of writing clearly and coherently. You express yourself well. Please come back and post as much as you like and need. If it helps to vent, just let loose and write all you want! 

 

I will be thinking of you. 

Holding space for your experience, 

with love,

A.

 

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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@wantrelief Thanks.  I'm trying my best but it's really wearing me down. You hang in too and I hope another window is coming up for you. 

 

1994-2009 benzos from age 20 to 36.  Added Cymbalta 60mg in 2007.

2008-2009 tapered benzos to zero and quit Cymbalta Cold turkey.  WD HELL for two years

2011 started on Lexapro to combat the withdrawal and it worked.  

2015 switched to Prozac as Lexapro was not working as well

2017 quit Prozac cold turkey November and crashed into WD.  Reinstated Prozac In December with no benefit. 

2018 Switched back to Lexapro in January and it took most of the issues away in around 2-3 weeks

2019 In February Lexapro has pooped out and WD feelings back.  Tolerance WD I'm sure.

           March 12th Upped my dose to 30 mgs per doctor's advice to see if Tolerance WD goes away but have had worsening sleep issues with limbs jerking and less sleep.

           March 17th dropped back down to 20 mgs and had less limb jerking last night but sleep no better.  

           April 20th cut to 18mg.            

 

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24 minutes ago, RandyJames said:

I'm trying my best but it's really wearing me down. You hang in too and I hope another window is coming up for you. 

You are so trying your best and I really admire you, RJ.  I hear you on all of this wearing you down, yet somehow you dig deep inside and keep going....you are the epitome of strength and bravery.  

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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On 5/23/2022 at 10:27 AM, RandyJames said:

@wantreliefHi wantrelief.  It's nice to hear from you again and very good to hear that you had a good run for awhile.  I hope it was a really good window for you.  

 

(Trigger Warning) I've also tried really hard to write this coherently but I give up.  

 

I wish I had better news but I am doing absolutely terrible. I attempted suicide a couple of days after my last post. I was hospitalized and then put into a nightmare facility for 2 weeks.  I'm doing no better at this point and am really struggling with suicidal thoughts every single day. I believe a lot of what I am experiencing is something other than the withdrawal but some of it is definitely withdrawal.  I'm really struggling to type this out right now as there is so much I have to say and my brain is fried.  I have so many medical worries as to what is going on with me. 

 

My neck surgery fixed nothing.  I couldn't lift my left arm afterward for about 9 months, though it slowly improved, and I have a numb thumb and twitching spasms in my forearm and ribs on the left.  Even before this for years i've struggled with breathing.  It feels like my muscles are failing to expand my ribs.  My left eyelid droops and my right eye looks and feels sunken in.  There is so much pain and weird pulling feelings coming from above my eyes and from the back of my skull and across my head.  The right side of my neck is the most painful and the muscles running down the side are loaded with painful knotted tissue that literally feels diseased.  I am so dizzy every second of everyday and it really seems to be coming from my neck which I dont think is from withdrawal.  Certain movements of my eyes or head make me feel like im tilting or tilting or dropping.  THe base of my skull grinds and cracks with every movement.  I can't think straight at all and I worry the blood flow to my brain is restricted in some way.All through the day i loose my breath with what I can only describe as the feeling you get trying to breathe with your head sticking out the window of a fast moving car but without the wind in your face.  This to feels like it's related to nerves and muscle troubles. Walking has become harder than ever.  It feels like there is a twist in my body and each side moves differently so I am never centered and always rebalancing. My left leg turns different than the right and my foot will catch the ground and trip me up a lot.  With the breathing trouble and dizziness it feels like I'm about to drop dead just taking a walk around the neighborhood.  A couple weeks ago a car of teenage girls drove by and one let out a screaming laugh and yelled look at the way he walks.  It really sucked because I have tried to tel;llmyself it's not as obvious as it feels.  I have had brain MRI's and MRI's of my spine and there is no sign of MS.  My spine feels spring loaded.  It's really a weird feeling.

 

I was paying out of pocket for medical until I was hospitalized for the suicide attempt at which point I qualified for state insurance.  I own my own home and have a small savings but was unemployed so somehow it worked and I can't keep spending our money on medical so I am stuck with it now.  I had no idea how bad state insurance was.  I am assigned to a garbage clinic called Wellspace and their only function seems to be to keep you from seeing any specialist so the insurance doesnt have to pay.  It takes 2 months to get an appointment there.  I've gone to the ER at least 6 times in the last year and they dont find anything.   Even if I wanted to pay out of pocket for anything now it would be considered insurance fraud because of this stupid insurance.  I can't even get in to see a neck specialist to even try trigger point injections or anything.  As for my taper, my scale stopped working for small weights so i bought another gemeni scale and it was the same problem.  I bought a different brand and it still was giving random weights so I've had to eyeball the pill as I cut it.  I'm at about 1.25 mg now as I am taking 1/4 of a 5 mg pill but it's never exact because of how it crumbles.  

 

I don't know what to do and I feel like I am beyond done. I literally can't do this anymore.  Sorry for being so dark but I don't know what else to say at this point.

 

Hi Randy, 

I hope you are feeling a bit better I wanted to let you know we share alot of your described symptoms if you would ever like to speak feel free to message me. 

2001-2019 Effexor XR 150mg Cross to Zoloft 100mg.

2003-2004 CT Effexor XR 150

09/18/2020 Zoloft 100mg CT Switch Paxil 20mg /Valium 10mg

2020 Paxil 20mg /Valium 10mg/Gabapentin 900mg.

2021 Paxil 20mg /Valium 6mg /Gabapentin 600mg.

Currently:

04/14/2022 Paxil 20mg to 15mg 25% reduction/Valium 3mg/Gabapentin 900mg/Fludrocortisone .01mg 

Paxil: Tablet/Liquid Switch 10% Monthly Drops

5/16 Paxil Liquid 7.4ml/ Valium 3mg/ Gabapentin 900mg, 6/1 Paxil Liquid 6.66ml/ Valium 3mg/ Gabapentin 900mg 6/18 "Switch back to tablets" paxil 10mg+1.66ml/Valium 3mg/Gabapentin 900mg

SupplementsFish Oil, Melatonin 1.5mg, Luracidin.

"Slow  Steady Stable" 💚

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@ArielThanks so much for the kind words.  I really can't thank you enough for taking the time to respond like that.   I'm definitely seeing myself as up the creek without a paddle vs brave but thank you.  Thank you also for saying it's ok to vent.  One of the reasons I haven't posted for so long was that all I have to say is negative but I think I will let it out here again.  I need an outlet so bad. Today is a really bad day.  

 

I hope so much that everything goes well for you and that you find 100% recovery.  

 

1994-2009 benzos from age 20 to 36.  Added Cymbalta 60mg in 2007.

2008-2009 tapered benzos to zero and quit Cymbalta Cold turkey.  WD HELL for two years

2011 started on Lexapro to combat the withdrawal and it worked.  

2015 switched to Prozac as Lexapro was not working as well

2017 quit Prozac cold turkey November and crashed into WD.  Reinstated Prozac In December with no benefit. 

2018 Switched back to Lexapro in January and it took most of the issues away in around 2-3 weeks

2019 In February Lexapro has pooped out and WD feelings back.  Tolerance WD I'm sure.

           March 12th Upped my dose to 30 mgs per doctor's advice to see if Tolerance WD goes away but have had worsening sleep issues with limbs jerking and less sleep.

           March 17th dropped back down to 20 mgs and had less limb jerking last night but sleep no better.  

           April 20th cut to 18mg.            

 

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@MrMiyagiThanks for the offer to chat and the support.  I will take you up on it.  I've been lurking on this site for awhile now just searching symptoms and rereading success stories.  Best wishes to you and I'll talk to you soon.

 

1994-2009 benzos from age 20 to 36.  Added Cymbalta 60mg in 2007.

2008-2009 tapered benzos to zero and quit Cymbalta Cold turkey.  WD HELL for two years

2011 started on Lexapro to combat the withdrawal and it worked.  

2015 switched to Prozac as Lexapro was not working as well

2017 quit Prozac cold turkey November and crashed into WD.  Reinstated Prozac In December with no benefit. 

2018 Switched back to Lexapro in January and it took most of the issues away in around 2-3 weeks

2019 In February Lexapro has pooped out and WD feelings back.  Tolerance WD I'm sure.

           March 12th Upped my dose to 30 mgs per doctor's advice to see if Tolerance WD goes away but have had worsening sleep issues with limbs jerking and less sleep.

           March 17th dropped back down to 20 mgs and had less limb jerking last night but sleep no better.  

           April 20th cut to 18mg.            

 

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On 6/6/2021 at 12:46 PM, arbor said:

Hi @RandyJames--I was just catching up on your thread.  I hope you're doing better.

Arbor

@arborThank you.  Sorry for responding a year later but I had been off the site for a long time and then just searching symptoms.  I'm doing pretty badly right now.  Fighting suicidal thoughts daily and really overwhelmed.  Not sure where WD symptoms and physical issues unrelated to them separate and it's making me crazy.  I am extremely done with this all.  

 

1994-2009 benzos from age 20 to 36.  Added Cymbalta 60mg in 2007.

2008-2009 tapered benzos to zero and quit Cymbalta Cold turkey.  WD HELL for two years

2011 started on Lexapro to combat the withdrawal and it worked.  

2015 switched to Prozac as Lexapro was not working as well

2017 quit Prozac cold turkey November and crashed into WD.  Reinstated Prozac In December with no benefit. 

2018 Switched back to Lexapro in January and it took most of the issues away in around 2-3 weeks

2019 In February Lexapro has pooped out and WD feelings back.  Tolerance WD I'm sure.

           March 12th Upped my dose to 30 mgs per doctor's advice to see if Tolerance WD goes away but have had worsening sleep issues with limbs jerking and less sleep.

           March 17th dropped back down to 20 mgs and had less limb jerking last night but sleep no better.  

           April 20th cut to 18mg.            

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @RandyJamesI'm just catching up on your thread.  Oh--I can so relate to what you're going through.  It's inhuman, what we have to endure.  I can tell you from my experience that it will pass.  Your brain-in-distress will try to convince you that it is permanent.  That's untrue.  The brain does heal.  It's helpful to ignore the negative thoughts.  Distract yourself from all the mental arguments the brain wants to chew on.  It can be a Herculean task for us, but we're doing it together.  I'm glad you've reached out and I encourage you to continue posting, and encouraging others, as well, if you're up to it.  Your underlying (and amazing) strength rings through your words.

 

On a practical note, so that others can share their thoughts, this would be a good time to update your signature if there have been changes.  Include as well, any supplements.  The ones recommended here have been really helpful for me, I believe, though results are slow.  I especially recommend using melatonin.  There are quite a few studies supporting its restorative abilities.  Sleep will help you feel somewhat better as you continue.  I also find long gentle walks helpful.  The right/left rhythm is what initially inspired the trauma treatment, EMDR.  

I hold peace and contentment in my heart for you, Randy-James 💜

Arbor

 

PS--Reading the Success Stories keeps many of us going.  (In my case, reading and rereading--)

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • 2 weeks later...

@RandyJames

Sending you a hug 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

Thank you so much.  Sending you one right back.  

 

1994-2009 benzos from age 20 to 36.  Added Cymbalta 60mg in 2007.

2008-2009 tapered benzos to zero and quit Cymbalta Cold turkey.  WD HELL for two years

2011 started on Lexapro to combat the withdrawal and it worked.  

2015 switched to Prozac as Lexapro was not working as well

2017 quit Prozac cold turkey November and crashed into WD.  Reinstated Prozac In December with no benefit. 

2018 Switched back to Lexapro in January and it took most of the issues away in around 2-3 weeks

2019 In February Lexapro has pooped out and WD feelings back.  Tolerance WD I'm sure.

           March 12th Upped my dose to 30 mgs per doctor's advice to see if Tolerance WD goes away but have had worsening sleep issues with limbs jerking and less sleep.

           March 17th dropped back down to 20 mgs and had less limb jerking last night but sleep no better.  

           April 20th cut to 18mg.            

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

@RandyJames

Thinking of you <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

@ArielThank you.  I'm having a really really hard time right now.  

 

1994-2009 benzos from age 20 to 36.  Added Cymbalta 60mg in 2007.

2008-2009 tapered benzos to zero and quit Cymbalta Cold turkey.  WD HELL for two years

2011 started on Lexapro to combat the withdrawal and it worked.  

2015 switched to Prozac as Lexapro was not working as well

2017 quit Prozac cold turkey November and crashed into WD.  Reinstated Prozac In December with no benefit. 

2018 Switched back to Lexapro in January and it took most of the issues away in around 2-3 weeks

2019 In February Lexapro has pooped out and WD feelings back.  Tolerance WD I'm sure.

           March 12th Upped my dose to 30 mgs per doctor's advice to see if Tolerance WD goes away but have had worsening sleep issues with limbs jerking and less sleep.

           March 17th dropped back down to 20 mgs and had less limb jerking last night but sleep no better.  

           April 20th cut to 18mg.            

 

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@RandyJames

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. 

My heart goes out to you. 

 

Do you feel like sharing a bit about what you're going through? 

No pressure, just a gentle invitation. If you feel like it might take some weight off, feel free to unload.

 

Sending you a big hug <3

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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@Ariel Thanks Ariel.  I don't know how to vent without it coming out as a small novel.  There is just so much an a lot of it needs so much back story, especially with health history that I can't keep it reasonably short. This goes back to when I was 16 and I'm 48 now.  I'll try and get it organized and short and vent away lol.  Thanks for being so supportive.  Big hug to you as well.

 

1994-2009 benzos from age 20 to 36.  Added Cymbalta 60mg in 2007.

2008-2009 tapered benzos to zero and quit Cymbalta Cold turkey.  WD HELL for two years

2011 started on Lexapro to combat the withdrawal and it worked.  

2015 switched to Prozac as Lexapro was not working as well

2017 quit Prozac cold turkey November and crashed into WD.  Reinstated Prozac In December with no benefit. 

2018 Switched back to Lexapro in January and it took most of the issues away in around 2-3 weeks

2019 In February Lexapro has pooped out and WD feelings back.  Tolerance WD I'm sure.

           March 12th Upped my dose to 30 mgs per doctor's advice to see if Tolerance WD goes away but have had worsening sleep issues with limbs jerking and less sleep.

           March 17th dropped back down to 20 mgs and had less limb jerking last night but sleep no better.  

           April 20th cut to 18mg.            

 

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Telling what's your past may help a bit. Your physical symptom's are debilitating and it all keeps bouncing backward and forward, physical and phycological meshing into each other.  Feeling so much pain 24/7 is trully awful. I cannot make any suggestion's on how you can eleviate the pain. U know your life, and you know things do change sometimes for the better sometimes for the  worce but they do allways change and this will pass, it will always pass. Sometimes finding the tiny things in life does bring a bit of joy and that joy will return one day. sometimes the breeze on hot skin can be enough, or a hot bath,  or stupid tv even!  I am new to this site and hope my response is not to clumsy, Thinking of you. Redkite

Anti-depressant roundabout-2013-2019 ( 5 different ones all effectively CT)

Paroxetine-2019-2022- Various from 10 to 30. Reduced from 30mg to twenty over summer, winter 21. Stablized. reduced from 20ml to 12.5 jan-july22. Some holds some reinstate of tiny tiny bit and then hold around 15mg. Last drop from 13.5 to 12.5 18th july . Had to add a tiny bit/ Held on drop day due to stress of invironment, dropped to 12.  7th september 

Droped to 11.25 gradually  threw   september picking smaller bits from the left over pot!!! Will stay at 11.25 for a couple of weeks. Shaky and tired.

10.65 28th October.

Terrible november and december so uped to 11. slightly better will stick at 11 till spring at the earliest.

 May 10mg... finally, but what a drama. Totally exhausted!!!

Back up to 10. and a bit !! Cant believe how sick I get. 10 mg some time in june?

middle of  August back up to 10mg and  30th. ( 10.33?)

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@RandyJames

Long or short, it's up to you. 

Our drug signatures are limited to 12 lines, but I've never seen a rule that says one mustn't post a novel! 

Write your heart out, friend, and who knows? You may end up with a book deal.

SA, the self-publishing platform with a built-in readership, a.k.a. the perfect captive audience, stuck in WD looking for distraction! Lol

Thinking of you, hugs <3 

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 1 month later...

Thinking of you @RandyJames

How are you going? 

No pressure to reply, just wanted to say hi and wish you well.

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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