ryan1982: my journey

[Altostrata]

Is the anxiety worse at any particular times of day?

 

How much magnesium glycinate did you take? You might find it more tolerable to put some magnesium citrate in a glass of water and sip it when you feel anxious. It's best taken in small doses.

 

On 7/2/2021 at 5:04 AM, ryan1982 said:

- Three things trigger my anxiety- thoughts that I’m never going to get out of this wave, thoughts about work and lastly, the pain in my nose (trigeminal neuropathic pain). I also struggle sometimes talking 1:1 with people I don’t know very well, even though I’m very extroverted. 

 

You will need to learn to manage these thoughts and not allow them to spiral, they are compounding your problems. You might discuss this with your therapist.

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @Altostrata . Always appreciate you. 
 

My anxiety is the worst in the morning, by far. I spend lots of time talking myself down during the morning. I feel like I can be anxious thinking about being anxious, haha. 
 

I signed up for a 4 month intensive treatment program that should give me some much needed coping skills. 
 

Thanks so much for the tip on magnesium. I don’t remember the amount I took but I like your idea. I appreciate that. 
 

I don’t just walk around being anxious normally- fair to say I’m still in a wave?

[Altostrata]

Yes, it sounds like a wave. Also, you probably are sensitive to the normal early morning cortisol surge. You might wear a sleep mask to block out the early morning light, this can help.

[ryan1982]

Will do. Thank you so much and enjoy the holiday!

[ryan1982]

On 7/1/2021 at 10:00 PM, Altostrata said:

 

Are there particular thoughts that trigger your anxiety? Did you join any stress reduction or anxiety management classes?

 

Hey @Altostrata- 

I’ve been thinking a lot about this question and I actually think I get anxious when my senses- particularly seeing and hearing- get overwhelmed. Many times normal voices or music played at a reasonable volume are too much for me. My wife blew her nose this morning and I about jumped out of my skin. Crazy as it sounds, it’s overwhelming. Would magnesium help with my sensory overload? Is there a fix for this other than time?

 

I sincerely appreciate you, @brassmonkeyand all the other folks that help people like me. I’m desperately trying to live but find it really tough at the moment. 

[Altostrata]

It sounds like you might have light and sound hypersensitivity, which can occur in withdrawal. 

 

Avoid light and noise as much as possible, over time your nervous system should calm down.

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @Altostrata. Appreciate it very much. Holding on tight, waiting on this thing to end. 

[ryan1982]

Hey @Gridley-

I hope you don't mind my asking for your feedback but I've seen your input to other's that have tapered off Lexapro and I would love your insight on my situation.

 

I'm in a wave caused my trying low dose naltrexone for some nerve damage I have in my nose. I tried a very, very small amount thinking that it would be worth it, but unfortunately, it wasn't. I have been in a wave since April 9th, 3 months exactly from today. I was in a wave in December - February by trying Trileptal, another med to help with my nerve damage so I should have known better.

 

I've had it all- dizziness, sensitivity to sound and light, irritability, fatigue, etc. I have two (large) symptoms remaining- a pounding frontal headache that has more or less been here for 60 days and sensory overload that leads to anxiety. I'm honestly a little paranoid that my headache is something other than withdrawal but I don't really know about that. My nerve damage is my nose and can sometimes fan outwards but my peers with similar issues don't experience headaches of this variety and duration.  

 

I've been keeping it simple, slow and stable, getting lots of rest, eating well, exercising in moderate amounts, massage, meditation and going to acupuncture. However, I still struggle each and every day and I'm starting to lose hope. I have too many people that depend on me to continue feeling so awful. I have a stressful job and it's taken everything I have to keep up the appearance that "everything's fine". I get really anxious going places because I feel like all my senses are in overdrive, if that makes sense.

 

I've never had a wave take this long and the headaches are absolutely crushing me and freaking me out, to be honest. But the worst part has been the overload and anxiety. 

 

Any thoughts on my situation? I greatly appreciate any of your wisdom!

 

 

[Gridley]

51 minutes ago, ryan1982 said:

 

I'm in a wave caused my trying low dose naltrexone

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

 

It sounds like you're doing everything right in terms of dealing with a wave.  When in withdrawal, we're very sensitive to medications, as you experienced previously.  

 

If you're concerned that what you're experiencing is something other than withdrawal exacerbated by the Naltrexone, that's something that should be checked out by a doctor.  

 

Otherwise, I know it's hard to avoid stress when you have a lot of responsibility, but try to take it easy as much as possible.  As I said, you're doing all the right things with respect to withdrawal.  I hope you feel better very soon.

[ryan1982]

Thanks so much, @Gridley. Anecdotally, how long do waves last? I keep thinking I'm close but day after day, it continues on. 

 

 

[ryan1982]

Just an update- 3.5 months into this wave with no real signs of slowing down. When I objectively look at it, I’ve gotten better but I still feel so far. My head pain lifted after 30 days of pressure in my forehead, so I’m thankful for that. Anxiety continues to be a huge challenge and I’m getting some counseling on how to cope. 
 

I can’t escape the feeling that this is permanent and that my life is over. So, so hard. Don’t know how I’m going to make it. 

[getofflex]

2 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

Just an update- 3.5 months into this wave with no real signs of slowing down. When I objectively look at it, I’ve gotten better but I still feel so far.

It sounds like you are in a big wave, but that it is starting to abate slowly.  

 

2 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

I can’t escape the feeling that this is permanent and that my life is over. So, so hard. Don’t know how I’m going to make it

I believe you will make it.  Hang in there, and keep on going.  Don't give up.  I know this WD is a miserable experience.  Here are some success stories to encourage you.  

 

Success Stories

 

The forum founder and owner, Altostrata, took years to recover, but she is fine now.  It just takes a great deal of patience and endurance.  Together, we can all make it out of the chains that these drugs put us into.  In the end, it will be worth it.  

[ryan1982]

Thanks so much, @getofflex. I greatly appreciate your help. 
 

Yes, this has been my biggest wave to-date and I’m ready to get off this ride. 
 

Do people’s big waves typically last 4- 6 months or longer?

[getofflex]

16 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

Do people’s big waves typically last 4- 6 months or longer?

I'm not sure.  Everyone is different.  Erell, one of our mods, has been in a wave that has been ongoing for several months.  Hopefully yours will be over very soon.  My suggestion is to be extremely gentle on yourself, take care of yourself as best as you can, and avoid drama or stress that you can.  It's good you are able to sleep well.  This post gives some insight as to waves and how long they can last. 

 

PAWS off the Drug, 4, 10, 18 month Wave

[ryan1982]

Just a quick update...still surviving. Therapy is helping a bit but what helped a ton is my headache and forehead pressure ending on 8/23. It hurt so bad and wouldn't relent for 60 total days. My regular nose pain has flared but that's unrelated to the wave.

 

Exercise by walking a couple miles a day. Isn't much but it isn't nothing either.

 

I still feel like I'm in a wave- the cortisol and resulting adrenal fatigue is what is the most challenging. Trying to be there for everything for my kids and wife, firstly, as that's what's most important. Secondly, trying to fulfill all my work obligations. After those two are done, I've got nothing in the gas tank left. I try and meditate and fall asleep every single time. Keeping simple, slow and stable all the way to the end of this thing and trying to be positive.

[getofflex]

On 8/3/2021 at 5:14 PM, ryan1982 said:

Exercise by walking a couple miles a day. Isn't much but it isn't nothing either.

this is good - both Altostrata the founder of this forum and I believe that walking is therapeutic and healing to the nervous system. I walk at least 2 miles a day myself.  I'm really glad your headache relented. 

 

On 8/3/2021 at 5:14 PM, ryan1982 said:

I still feel like I'm in a wave- the cortisol and resulting adrenal fatigue is what is the most challenging.

I'm very sorry you are in a wave.  My heart goes out to you.  I know how that feels. 

 

On 8/3/2021 at 5:14 PM, ryan1982 said:

Trying to be there for everything for my kids and wife, firstly, as that's what's most important. Secondly, trying to fulfill all my work obligations.

That's wonderful.  You sound like a great husband and father, and you family is lucky to have you.  I'm praying for you. 

[ryan1982]

You're so kind, @getofflex. The "only" remaining symptom is getting stressed out about things that otherwise wouldn't bother me and then being completely exhausted afterwards. Have you experienced that during a wave? Is it fairly common? 

[getofflex]

Yes I have.  I imagine it’s pretty common. Anxiety and worry is one hallmark symptom of WD.  

[ryan1982]

Thanks so much- really appreciate you!

[Leo1983]

Hey

 

Your wave is over now?

[ryan1982]

@Leo1983- not yet but I feel I’m making progress. How are you?

[ryan1982]

Having a tough day and grappling with whether this is permanent or not. I certainly don't remember being this anxious before but being in a wave for 4 months will do that to you, I suppose.

[Leo1983]

What was the naltrexone for?

 

[ryan1982]

My last remaining big symptom during this wave is anxiety. Grateful my headaches have passed. 
 

I have an increased sensitivity to stress and it makes pretty much everything hard. I have weak muscles, cortisol in the AM, tight stomach and really bad fatigue after an episode of anxiety. It isn’t full blown panic by any means but very uncomfortable. I’m working on accepting it. 
 

If anyone sees this, has anyone had anxiety pretty much dominate a wave? How did you beat it?

[Leo1983]

My CT has been mainly anxiety based. Nothing i ever had before the meds. 

 

Cognitive and anxiety issues. You just want it to stop and go on with your life but its just there. 

 

I tell my wife my body just does this to me. Im not scared or worried its just there. 

 

My waves i just get by each day

[ryan1982]

I’m so sorry, @Leo  

 

What sort of cognitive issues? How long has this lasted?

[Leo1983]

36 month this for me mate

[ryan1982]

What sort of cognitive issues? 36 months- ugh. Has it gotten any easier?

[Leo1983]

I was on off on off on off meds hoping for a miracle. They actually made me ill. Everything got worse. 

 

So eventually i CT the last one and said i will do it alone. 8 weeks later booooom. 

 

I have had waves and windows. I thought it was over a few times and again boom. 

 

Worst experience if my life.

 

My memory is shot, brain fog/headpressure type feeling. I feel like im in my own world quite abit. 

[ryan1982]

On 8/8/2021 at 2:12 PM, Leo1983 said:

I was on off on off on off meds hoping for a miracle. They actually made me ill. Everything got worse. 

 

So eventually i CT the last one and said i will do it alone. 8 weeks later booooom. 

 

I have had waves and windows. I thought it was over a few times and again boom. 

 

Worst experience if my life.

 

My memory is shot, brain fog/headpressure type feeling. I feel like im in my own world quite abit. 

I’m so sorry. I hope you start to feel better very soon. 

[Yersinia]

Hey @ryan1982 I hear you on the anxiety front. I get ridiculously anxious over things that wouldn’t have bothered me before WD. It’s awful. Have you ever read http://nothingworks.weebly.com ? Also, I find Dr. Carbonell’s site helpful: https://www.anxietycoach.com 

 

Hang in there. Those with more experience than me say “everyone gets better eventually”. I guess that means you and I will someday as well…  

[ryan1982]

Hi friends,

I’m about 4.5 months into this wave and it’s been a doozy. The headaches have been gone for about four weeks and I’m grateful for that. Those were downright debilitating. 
 

At the moment, I’m having issues with sleep- I wake at about 4:30 Am with tight legs and stomach and can’t go back to sleep- occasional anxiety and just feeling “off” and not like myself. At this stage I don’t remember what normal feels like. I don’t handle stress well at all- I get irritable and have immediate fatigue after. Motion doesn’t seem to bother me as badly as it once did. Still get anxious from overload when driving. 
 

The good news is that I can do presentations and have a variety of conversations at work and do pretty fine. I’ll start taking epsom salt baths this weekend and regularly get massages. 
 

I found a slight issue with my scale as it was running out of batteries and each pill was around .002 to .004 off (lower than it should have been) on .024 pill. Doubt that would cause this much havoc. 
 

At this stage I’m taking my meds and doing the very best I can. Should I consider an updose at this stage, a tiny amount that will get me where I need to be? I’ve never had this big of a wave and frankly, I’m scared. 
 

Appreciate y’all. Hope everyone is doing well. 

[getofflex]

On average how many hours of sleep are you able to get per night? It sounds like you’re able to function OK and  doing pretty well at work. Are you having any other unbearable symptoms?

 

Since your wave was caused by the naltrexone I doubt that reinstatement would help.

 

I can understand you being frightened by the wave.  Just remember there are many of us going through the very same thing. This wave will come to an end sooner or later.

Edited August 20, 2021 by getofflex

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @getofflex. I'm probably averaging 5- 6 hours a night. The anxiety, adrenal fatigue and "off" feeling are pretty bad but not unbearable. I'm able to do the things that keep me employed and my family happy, ha! I just don't have much left for other things.

 

I also has my first ever cut and COVID vaccine right around the same time as my naltrexone, which looking back wasn't very smart.

 

Can I ask you this...how do you know you're still in a wave? My fear is permanence...I know I didn't feel like this before, but then again, I don't remember "before". If I feel off and not normal, safe to say this is all out of the ordinary and I'm still riding the wave?

[Leo1983]

Ryan

 

Have you drank at all for years?

 

[ryan1982]

Nope, nothing. Why?