ryan1982: my journey

[getofflex]

Six hours of sleep is not bad for someone in withdrawal. I Tend to get about six hours of sleep myself many nights.  I don’t think there’s any clear-cut way to know if you’re in a wave or not. It’s all a matter of degrees. If you are in a wave it sounds like a mild one. We have people in here who can’t sleep at all and can’t eat hardly and who are bed ridden. Being anxious about the wave can make your symptoms worse. it may be better to accept it and try to have some peace about it. Try not to think about it and try to distract yourself with other things. I know it’s not easy and it sucks. 

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance?amp

 

Edited August 20, 2021 by getofflex

[Leo1983]

Just asking if you have a drinking history at all. 

[ryan1982]

Thanks so much, @getofflex- that’s some much needed perspective. Appreciate your help as always!

[ryan1982]

9 hours ago, Yersinia said:

Hey @ryan1982 I hear you on the anxiety front. I get ridiculously anxious over things that wouldn’t have bothered me before WD. It’s awful. Have you ever read http://nothingworks.weebly.com ? Also, I find Dr. Carbonell’s site helpful: https://www.anxietycoach.com 

 

Hang in there. Those with more experience than me say “everyone gets better eventually”. I guess that means you and I will someday as well…  

Thank you so much for stopping by, @Yersinia! This is really helpful and I’ll check out both links. 
 

How are you?

[Yersinia]

At this moment in time, I’m feeling okay… my outlook on life tends to change pretty rapidly though. I have a hard time with acceptance of my current situation. I want to go back to my life prior to my CT and start over with the info I have now about tapering. Sometimes I still can’t believe that MDs prescribe these drugs like they’re vitamins, putting their patients at risk of WD. Nearly everyone I know is on SSRIs - it’s so scary. 
 

How are you?

[ryan1982]

57 minutes ago, Yersinia said:

At this moment in time, I’m feeling okay… my outlook on life tends to change pretty rapidly though. I have a hard time with acceptance of my current situation. I want to go back to my life prior to my CT and start over with the info I have now about tapering. Sometimes I still can’t believe that MDs prescribe these drugs like they’re vitamins, putting their patients at risk of WD. Nearly everyone I know is on SSRIs - it’s so scary. 
 

How are you?

I just read your story- you’re strong and resilient. We’ve both been on meds about the same amount of time- it sucks real bad where we’re at but we’ll get through it. 
 

I have a couple other health issues that caused me to seek medical treatment and I’ve been in two different waves in the past 7 out of 8 months. Getting real impatient, ha. I’m managing but I just feel so dang weird when I’m out and about and the anxiety gets pretty bad at times. I’m not debilitated by any means but just ready to get back to normal. 
 

I appreciate those links and for the words of encouragement. We’ll get through it, we have no choice!

[ryan1982]

Hey @getofflex-

Last question- is there any chance at all that my Lexapro has stopped working? I say that knowing that “working” is questionable at best in the first place. The way I currently feel is nothing like the baseline I’ve established during withdrawals in the past but curious if this is the “new normal” for me. Any thoughts about that?

[Yersinia]

Thanks for saying so, but I don’t feel strong and resilient - I feel lost and scared. I’m trying to practice acceptance of my new reality and mindfulness of the moment but I feel like it’s not working. Every second, I have to redirect my wandering, anxious mind back to the moment. Or worse, I forget and get involved in a dialogue with my anxious thoughts.

12 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

I’m managing but I just feel so dang weird when I’m out and about and the anxiety gets pretty bad at times. I’m not debilitated by any means but just ready to get back to normal. 

I understand this completely… why is my heart beating out of my chest when I’m only doing errands? Or talking to friends? 

 

Stay strong, my friend. You are taking care of your family despite your travails. 

[ryan1982]

19 hours ago, Yersinia said:

I understand this completely… why is my heart beating out of my chest when I’m only doing errands? Or talking to friends? 

Are you feeling worse now than what originally put you on meds? 
 

I need to remember that the emotions and anxiety that I feel aren’t actually real- it’s just a product of the wave. No more, no less. 

[Leo1983]

Hi mate.

 

I think your correct.

 

I also think the true healing starts once the drug is out of our system all together. 

 

 

[Yersinia]

58 minutes ago, ryan1982 said:

Are you feeling worse now than what originally put you on meds? 

Different. I was a wreck when I was put on meds. My (now ex-) husband cheated on me and left me for another woman. All my life’s plans went up in smoke. I was very depressed. 
 

I’ve always had anxiety, especially before public-speaking or going to parties, but the anxiety I feel now is over stuff that didn’t bother me before I quit the meds. Maybe the meds were doing a good job of numbing me out… or now my CNS is destabilized and is over-anxious. It’s impossible to know.  Regardless, I want to be free of the meds - it’s been shown that there’s  no “chemical imbalance” underlying depression - so they don’t even treat a natural deficiency. They just muck with the CNS and might make someone feel different which is then interpreted as the meds “working”. But the effect is barely over placebo. 

It’s shocking to me the number of people who are on these things.  When they want to go off them, ~50% run into trouble. How can this be legal? Or ethical?

1 hour ago, ryan1982 said:

 

I need to remember that the emotions and anxiety that I feel aren’t actually real- it’s just a product of the wave. No more, no less. 

 

I have some luck sometimes with AAF (although I’m not sure I’m doing it right). When I feel a pang of anxiety, I let it come without resisting it, it peaks and subsides (sometimes a lot, sometimes a little) then I try to go on about my day.

[Leo1983]

@Yersinia

 

I think anxiety before public speaking and going to big events is pretty normal. 

 

What is the new anxiety you have?

[Yersinia]

@Leo1983Mostly just work-related things that wouldn’t have bothered me before I quit Effexor but now provoke serious anxiety. I try to “play it cool” so no one can see how nervous I am - I figure most people are in their own worlds and won’t notice any changes in my behavior. Plus we have to wear masks at work again (COVID) so my facial expressions are hidden.

[ryan1982]

@Altostrata- sorry to bother you as I know you’re helping a bunch of us tortured souls! 
 

I’m trying to wrap my head around kindling. I’ve done a bunch of research but I’m still not clear if me taking a medication like naltrexone and having an adverse reaction/destabilized nervous system is considered kindling? Would I treat and approach kindling any different than a normal wave?

 

Thanks so much!

Ryan

[Altostrata]

4 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

Would I treat and approach kindling any different than a normal wave?

 

No. Just be careful about adding anything that might be neurologically active.

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @Altostrata. Fair to say this is kindling? I know it doesn’t technically matter what it’s called but I’m just curious. 

[Altostrata]

What drug event are you referring to?

 

On 8/21/2021 at 6:42 AM, ryan1982 said:

Hey @getofflex-

Last question- is there any chance at all that my Lexapro has stopped working? I say that knowing that “working” is questionable at best in the first place. The way I currently feel is nothing like the baseline I’ve established during withdrawals in the past but curious if this is the “new normal” for me. Any thoughts about that?

 

Are you taking your doses in liquid form? How old is the liquid? Look on the bottle, when does it expire?

[ryan1982]

23 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

What drug event are you referring to?

 

 

Are you taking your doses in liquid form? How old is the liquid? Look on the bottle, when does it expire?

I’m sorry, should have been more specific. I took one pill of low dose naltrexone in early April and my life has been in upheaval since. Just curious if that would be considered kindling or not. It’s been almost 5 months from one pill- crazy. 
 

I weigh and cut my pills. My batteries were running low and when I replaced them, my week’s worth of pills were .002 to .004 off the .024 weight that I take twice per day. Not sure if that contributes but interesting regardless. 
 

 

[Altostrata]

Have you accidentally skipped a dose or taken it off-schedule?

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last 2 months?

[ryan1982]

@Altostrata- sorry to bother you but appreciate your insight very much. 
 

I haven’t missed a dose. My symptoms have been largely anxiety and head pain since I took naltrexone, although I was dizzy for the first couple months (current wave almost 5 months). My head pain had gone away for the last month but recently I started to feel the pressure in the middle forehead come back. The anxiety comes and goes as I typically get overwhelmed easily and have a much lower than normal stress tolerance. I’ve had a lot of fatigue but that’s only been really bad in the past month. Leg weakness has been there throughout. Getting lots of sleep, exercising by walking a couple miles a day and eating well. 
 

I can’t make heads or tails of why this wave is taking so long. I certainly don’t feel like my baseline but then again, it’s been so long I don’t remember what the baseline is. 

 

Thanks so much!

Ryan

[Altostrata]

I cannot tell you why you are still feeling the effects of your mishap with naltrexone. You have a long history of going on and off drugs, your nervous system may have been stressed by this for many years.

 

You need to listen to your body. You also need to consider whether any of your habits of mind, such as health anxiety, are contributing to your symptoms. Please talk with a counselor, such as a psychotherapist, about this.

[Leo1983]

@ryan1982

 

Can i just confirm you have been on and off medications for around 16 years now? 

 

In total i mean?

[ryan1982]

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

I cannot tell you why you are still feeling the effects of your mishap with naltrexone. You have a long history of going on and off drugs, your nervous system may have been stressed by this for many years.

 

You need to listen to your body. You also need to consider whether any of your habits of mind, such as health anxiety, are contributing to your symptoms. Please talk with a counselor, such as a psychotherapist, about this.

Thanks, @Altostrata. Very much appreciated. 
 

Good points. I’m speaking with a therapist to help me bolster my acceptance of the situation. 
 

As for the current situation, we all heal eventually, correct? I shouldn’t be considered about this current state of affairs being permanent for me, right?

[ryan1982]

5 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

@ryan1982

 

Can i just confirm you have been on and off medications for around 16 years now? 

 

In total i mean?

Yes, that’s correct. 

[getofflex]

3 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

As for the current situation, we all heal eventually, correct? I shouldn’t be considered about this current state of affairs being permanent for me, right?

Yes, I believe that almost all of us do heal, eventually, as long as we take care of ourselves, and stay away from mind altering substances.  Be very careful what you put in your body.  With your long drug history, it may take longer for you.  The nervous system is highly intricate and complex, and it interfaces with every other system in the body.  It often takes months or even years for one's nervous system to fully recover.  Please read some of the success stories to help give you hope.  It will help relieve your anxiety, which is important for your recovery.  Go to the home page, and they ar about halfway down. 

[ryan1982]

Thanks so much, @getofflex. I'm having weird physical symptoms and I'm trying to just chalk it up to withdrawals and get on with life. Appreciate your insight and advice so much.

 

Ryan

[Arthur]

@ryan1982i have been diagnosed with trigeminal neuropathy as well.. my pain is constant and I am considering nerve repair or a nerve stimulator as the state of mine is unlivable but I cannot tolerate medications at all.. mine is on both sides and I have an mri that shows a nerve compression in the medial Pterygoid nerve.. this is my last hope.. I cold turkeyd lexapro because the drs wanted me to try something different.. basically flushed my life down the toilet.. hopefully I can get some pain relief so I can begin to come off the rest of these medications 

[ryan1982]

On 8/24/2021 at 10:39 AM, getofflex said:

Yes, I believe that almost all of us do heal, eventually, as long as we take care of ourselves, and stay away from mind altering substances.  Be very careful what you put in your body.  With your long drug history, it may take longer for you.  The nervous system is highly intricate and complex, and it interfaces with every other system in the body.  It often takes months or even years for one's nervous system to fully recover.  Please read some of the success stories to help give you hope.  It will help relieve your anxiety, which is important for your recovery.  Go to the home page, and they ar about halfway down. 

Thanks so much, @getofflex. I truly appreciate it and cling to any encouragement I can get. Thanks so much!

[ryan1982]

On 8/27/2021 at 4:29 PM, Arthur said:

@ryan1982i have been diagnosed with trigeminal neuropathy as well.. my pain is constant and I am considering nerve repair or a nerve stimulator as the state of mine is unlivable but I cannot tolerate medications at all.. mine is on both sides and I have an mri that shows a nerve compression in the medial Pterygoid nerve.. this is my last hope.. I cold turkeyd lexapro because the drs wanted me to try something different.. basically flushed my life down the toilet.. hopefully I can get some pain relief so I can begin to come off the rest of these medications 

Wow- thanks for reaching out. We have similar stories as I am withdrawing from Lexapro and have trigeminal neuropathic pain. Mine was caused by sinus surgery. I can’t handle the meds either. I wish you luck!

[ryan1982]

Hey @getofflexand @brassmonkey- 

Quick update! The head pressure has moved in and then back out. I feel fortunate and grateful for that. I’m able to function better at work and I’m still able to get 5-6 hours of sleep at night. 
 

Whenever I’m out and about, my senses still get overwhelmed and I have so much trouble with fatigue after. I don’t feel anxious in the traditional sense but feel like I can’t really depend on my nervous system to cope with normal activities. 
 

I’m struggling to remember what normal feels like. Should I just make my peace with having a lower stress tolerance than I used to have and my senses will just be on hyperdrive? Are those typical in withdrawal? I’m 5 months out from my kindling event. 
 

Appreciate all the work y’all do for all of us tortured souls!

[ChessieCat]

17 minutes ago, ryan1982 said:

Should I just make my peace with having a lower stress tolerance than I used to have

 

I think the answer to this is Yes.  It is called acceptance.  Accepting that this is how things are.  However, it does not mean that things will stay this way forever.  Once we accept a current situation then we are not as stressed.

 

That doesn't mean that you have to like the current situation.  But there is a difference between accepting something as a fact and continuing to keep wishing that things were different/better.

 

I've had to stop myself from wallowing recently.  Sydney, Australia, has been in lockdown for 10 weeks now and a couple of weeks ago I found myself continually thinking "I'm over it".  Then I realised that kind of thinking was not helpful and wasn't going to change things, just make me more miserable.

[ryan1982]

Always appreciate your perspective, @ChessieCat. I’m sorry y’all are in lockdown, we probably should be. 
 

If I didn’t feel these symptoms before my wave, then they are most likely caused by the wave, right? Do these symptoms sound like wave to you?

 

Love the acceptance part. Just to clarify, accepting things but still hoping they change is OK?

[Tom37]

I’m in a similar situation to you with a long wave out of nowhere. No medication changes for me, it just happened. 
 

The one thing about withdrawal is that it’s always going to change, we just don’t know when or in what direction. I just try to accept it for what it is and do my best each day. Have days or times during the day when it gets me down but you work through it. If you over think it or stress about it, it isn’t going to change the outcome.
 

I can handle the suffering it’s the not knowing when it’s going to end that gets me and probably most of us.

 

I’m sure in a few months you will be feeling better and you seem to be coping well and working etc so should be proud of yourself.

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @Tom37. Super kind of you to drop by. I’m doing the very best I can. 
 

What are your major symptoms?

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

accepting things but still hoping they change is OK?

 

We can view things objectively, ie fact, and subjectively, ie from our own point of view which generally has emotions attached to it.

 

This is SA's topic:

 

acceptance-and-hope

 

Yes, hoping for things to change for the better is okay.  It's what keeps us going.

 

But we do need to learn to live with the bad stuff, whether it is withdrawal symptoms or lockdown caused by covid.

 

[ryan1982]

Great feedback, @ChessieCat . I read everything you sent. 

 

Objectively hearing my symptoms, does this sound like withdrawal/wave to you? There’s no other reason I can think of.