ryan1982: my journey

[getofflex]

17 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

hould I just make my peace with having a lower stress tolerance than I used to have and my senses will just be on hyperdrive? Are those typical in withdrawal?

Yes and yes.  I have a lower stress tolerance and a sensitized nervous system. This is extremely common in wd.  Acceptance is the best thing as fighting it will create stress and further trigger symptoms.   It sounds like you doing well all things considered.   

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @getofflex. Does the fatigue after sensory overload seem pretty common as well?

 

How are you feeling? Do you feel like you’ve almost healed?

[getofflex]

Yes I believe it probably is.  I’m always fatigued after sensory overload.  But with the Covid lockdowns I have fewer opportunities to get overloaded.  
 

I was feeling very good for about 10 days until I went on an intense hike 2 days ago. But I’m recovering from it now.  I’m way better now than Inwas in early withdrawal. If I had to guess I’d say I’m about 75% better.  Thanks for asking.  

Edited September 7, 2021 by getofflex

[ryan1982]

You're so great to help as many people as you do, @getofflex. I hope you get to feeling better very soon. Thanks for all your support- this is scary journey and sometimes a little reassurance goes a long way.

[getofflex]

That's sweet of you to say that, Ryan.  I'm just glad some good was able to come out of my bad WD experience.  Yes, reassurance is important, since most of us don't know anyone in circle who understands what we are going through. 

[ryan1982]

First, I want to thank the moderators and everyone on this site that's helped me so much. @Altostrata, @brassmonkey, @ChessieCat, @getofflex, @Shepand many others- thank y'all for everything you do. I can say with 100% certainty that without this site and your knowledge, I wouldn't be here to raise my kids with my wife. I'm very grateful for all of you and the thankless job you do.

 

Secondly, an update. I'm just over 5.5 months after my adverse reaction to LDN on 4/8 of this year. I still get super overwhelmed from a sensory perspective which results in extreme fatigue and irritability. It's not all the time, but it's frequent when I'm out and about. Very hard to sleep and just overall feel weird. Legs are weak, as well. I just feel "off" and not like myself.

 

I'm pleased that my gut feels healed and can handle stressful events at work for the most part, beyond getting fatigued. The relentless head pressure moved out as well!

 

I'm meditating, getting as much sleep as I can and eating clean while avoiding any caffeine and of course, alcohol. Super consistent with my doses and haven't missed one.

 

Question for anyone still reading- am I doing something wrong here? Is the fact that I'm taking Lexapro the problem and I will continue to feel like this until I taper off? I certainly don't feel stable enough to begin my taper, I just would have thought this would be done by now. No waves have been this brutal or long. I'll take any and all advice.

 

Again, I appreciate all y'all and thanks for taking the time to read.

[getofflex]

3 minutes ago, ryan1982 said:

Secondly, an update. I'm just over 5.5 months after my adverse reaction to LDN on 4/8 of this year.

Adverse reactions can, unfortunately, take a very long time to recover from.  Adverse Reaction

 

It sounds like you have had some good improvements, and are using some effective non drug coping skills!  

 

Recovery from these drugs can be quite frustrating, and very trying on our patience!  I have some days, when I feel especially bad, when I feel this way.  Two nights ago, we had electrical storms all night, and this triggered me, and I felt terrible, and was very frustrated that my nervous system couldn't even handle a thunderstorm.  

8 minutes ago, ryan1982 said:

Is the fact that I'm taking Lexapro the problem and I will continue to feel like this until I taper off? I certainly don't feel stable enough to begin my taper, I just would have thought this would be done by now. No waves have been this brutal or long. I'll take any and all advice.

I doubt that, but I can't say for sure.  There are many variables in your situation - adverse reaction from 2 drugs, a Lexapro taper, other psych meds in your past, so it could be from any or all of these factors.  Your nervous system could be very sensitized from all the various drugs you have been on and come off of.  

 

My suggestion would be, please hold for a while, and allow your CNS more time to stabilize and find homeostasis.  

12 minutes ago, ryan1982 said:

I still get super overwhelmed from a sensory perspective

What do you mean by this?  Do you get overstimulated when you are in a busy and noisy environment?  

 

 

[Altostrata]

You're welcome, @ryan1982

 

Why do you think the very small amount of Lexapro you're taking now is responsible for your symptoms?

 

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @getofflex. It’s almost as if going to a store or restaurant is too much for my nervous system. I just get so tired. Like there’s too many inputs, although I’m not particularly sensitive to lights, sounds on their own. Does that make sense? 
 

@Altostrata- I have no idea, Alto. I’m just grasping at straws to figure out if anything I’m doing is causing the problem. 

[Altostrata]

Please review my responses to your earlier questions in this topic. I'm not sure there's much more I can add.

 

This still seems germane:

 

As explained many times, you've been on and off quite a few drugs. This can have long-term effects of sensitization and fatigue.

 

We can't tell anything about what may be causing a pattern of symptoms without those daily notes. If you think your symptom pattern may be caused by the escitalopram, you'll need to keep and post daily notes, as explained here.

 

Other than that, to be frank, I don't have time to engage in speculation with you.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

4 hours ago, ryan1982 said:

 

 

Question for anyone still reading- am I doing something wrong here? Is the fact that I'm taking Lexapro the problem and I will continue to feel like this until I taper off? I certainly don't feel stable enough to begin my taper, I just would have thought this would be done by now. No waves have been this brutal or long. I'll take any and all advice.

 

Again, I appreciate all y'all and thanks for taking the time to read.

I am not sure I ever felt fully stable or 100 percent myself on Lexapro.  I’ve always had some brain fog, dizziness/vertigo, headaches.  I had to reinstate a month ago because I tried to cold turkey from 2.5mg.  I needed to reinstate as I was going on a trip overseas that I couldn’t afford to feel like ****.  Now I feel almost the same as when I quit cold turkey.  I might just suck it up and quit all together.  Your guess is as good as mine.  But I certainly can feel your frustration from the Lexapro symptoms.  At least your tension  headaches are gone.  That is some progress.  

[Alice1]

@ryan1982 

Hey buddy. I'm in a separate community of people who have had severe setbacks to medications. Out of the 4 I talk with regularly, it's not uncommon for symptoms to hang out for months and months. You've expressed that you have regular stress in your life (work, family, withdrawal) which will slow down stabilization.  I had a reaction to antibiotics and pain meds I took for 2 days 9 months ago and I'm still in acute. I was starting to get better but then I had some crazy stress and got sent back again. that was 3 months ago . Give yourself more time . things will settle back down but its going to be a while . I know all about impatience, but we have to kind of live while being sick for now, and give that CNS every opportunity to gear down without expecting results right away . 

[Leo1983]

Ryan off the drug has to be better than on the drug? 

 

They say healing really starts once the drug is gone? I think thats the same for any drug. 

 

Its about how you get off it?

 

I would also suggest you use this site for information only! and would further suggest you look else were for support, kindness, reassurance and emotional feedback of your situation. 

 

Im watching you post in misery and like many not getting much more than told to accept it! Maybe think of your PLAN B? How to move on and find a new way.  

[Altostrata]

12 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

They say healing really starts once the drug is gone? I think thats the same for any drug. 

 

This is nonsense, @Leo1983 Do not urge people to abruptly quit their drugs.

 

There's only so much an online support forum can do for people who are in the habit of worrying themselves sick.

 

If you think you'd be better off finding support elsewhere, please do without the passive-aggressive attacks.

[ryan1982]

18 hours ago, Altostrata said:

As explained many times, you've been on and off quite a few drugs. This can have long-term effects of sensitization and fatigue.

 

Other than that, to be frank, I don't have time to engage in speculation with you.

Understood. Again, I appreciate all you do to help people. I won't bother you again with speculation.  

 

17 hours ago, NeDaytoDayMJ said:

I am not sure I ever felt fully stable or 100 percent myself on Lexapro.  I’ve always had some brain fog, dizziness/vertigo, headaches.  I had to reinstate a month ago because I tried to cold turkey from 2.5mg.  I needed to reinstate as I was going on a trip overseas that I couldn’t afford to feel like ****.  Now I feel almost the same as when I quit cold turkey.  I might just suck it up and quit all together.  Your guess is as good as mine.  But I certainly can feel your frustration from the Lexapro symptoms.  At least your tension  headaches are gone.  That is some progress.  

 Thanks so much @NeDaytoDayMJ- I hope you start to feel better. This is a messy ride but if we keep truckin and doing everything right, we have to get better, right?

 

15 hours ago, Alice1 said:

@ryan1982 

Hey buddy. I'm in a separate community of people who have had severe setbacks to medications. Out of the 4 I talk with regularly, it's not uncommon for symptoms to hang out for months and months. You've expressed that you have regular stress in your life (work, family, withdrawal) which will slow down stabilization.  I had a reaction to antibiotics and pain meds I took for 2 days 9 months ago and I'm still in acute. I was starting to get better but then I had some crazy stress and got sent back again. that was 3 months ago . Give yourself more time . things will settle back down but its going to be a while . I know all about impatience, but we have to kind of live while being sick for now, and give that CNS every opportunity to gear down without expecting results right away . 

Thanks, @Alice1. I've been following your story and I know you've been through the wringer. I love when you stop by and I hope you get back to feeling better soon.

 

Thanks for your note @Leo1983. I pray for your healing, my friend.

[ryan1982]

Hello friends,

Just wanted to provide an update so I can look back and see where I was at. My middle head pressure has come and gone three separate times in the past 1.5 months. It is replaced by fatigue and overload. I've had a good bit of stress lately as I as interviewing for new jobs so my leg weakness was gone but then returned. I’m sleeping better but can’t seem to get *enough* sleep.  Here's where I'm at:

 

What's Gone:

- Issues staying asleep

- Anxiety

- Forehead pressure

- Cortisol in the AM

- Gut issues (feel 100% healed due to diet)

- Unstable feet

- Sensitivity to light

- Dizziness

- Weirdness/pain on top of head

 

What Remains:

- Fatigue and general sleepiness

- Feeling tired/zapped/out of it during and after social interactions or in public places

-Leg weakness

- Irritability (I think this comes from being out of it and frustrated)

I took an epsom salt bath to see if it would help with my leg weakness but I’ve felt weak and out of it since then. 

 

I guess this is all part of my wave that started 6 months ago. I'm a positive guy but I'm so freaking sick of this.

 

Hope y'all have a great day.

Ryan

[ryan1982]

The more I think about it, the best way to characterize the way I feel is “tense”. I have an inner restlessness that no amount of massage, meditation or sleep takes away. I’m desperate to get back to homeostasis.  

[ryan1982]

Just a quick update- my eyes started getting really heavy and lots of pressure behind them on 10/25. The pressure became really bad behind both eyes on 10/28 and unbearable on 10/30. Currently in bed because I can’t handle the pain. 

[ryan1982]

Still having really bad eye pressure. Managing as best as I can. Legs feel stronger and not as irritable. 
 

@brassmonkeyand @getofflex- Couple questions for y’all. I’m assuming I’ve been kindled through trying two different meds last December and April, correct? I’m at 7 months since my drug event and still dealing with a litany of symptoms. 
 

In another forum, someone suggested a “retraining your brain” system…not sure if this is nonsense or not:

 

https://retrainingthebrain.com/?fbclid=IwAR0zGiaWMHfqSKXKDEsCIVzye0CdQxxij1WFUy0Ioj6nEu-kPHj_MirpCLA

[getofflex]

On 11/3/2021 at 10:36 AM, ryan1982 said:

Still having really bad eye pressure.

Eye pressure can come from sinus pressure, which can come from allergies, or a respiratory cold or flu.  Many people have fall allergies at this time.  

 

On 11/3/2021 at 10:36 AM, ryan1982 said:

I’m assuming I’ve been kindled through trying two different meds last December and April, correct? I’m at 7 months since my drug event and still dealing with a litany of symptoms. 

It's quite possible.  It sounds as though your nervous system is in a state of disequilibrium at this time, and needs time to heal itself.  Common sense self care and being gentle on yourself is the best option at this point.  

 

I looked at the home page the article you linked to, but there's not much info about it there.  If it involves drugs or chemicals or lots of supplements, I would avoid it.  If it involves changes in how you think, etc, then it's probably fine. I would investigate it thoroughly.  

[ChessieCat]

13 hours ago, getofflex said:

I looked at the home page the article you linked to, but there's not much info about it there.  If it involves drugs or chemicals or lots of supplements, I would avoid it.  If it involves changes in how you think, etc, then it's probably fine. I would investigate it thoroughly.  

 

And if it costs a lot of money, I would avoid it, even it if does seem good.  There are probably cheap and possibly even free things available if you look for them.

 

And a search for Dynamic Neural Retraining System review found the following:

 

https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/dynamic-neural-retraining/

 

The following is the summary which came up on the search page.  I think it says it all.  I have not read the webpage linked above.  But I suggest you do.

 

BTW the comment in the summary about the unfortunate acronym is because DNR = Do Not Resuscitate

 

Quote

 

A 2012 review of brain training in general stated: ... One of the worst offenders is a product called Dynamic Neural Retraining (which results in an unfortunate acronym). The website for this product has all the red flags of snake oil. There is a page, for example, for testimonials but none for published research supporting their claims. They also go way beyond the existing research, claiming ...

 

 

Here is SA's topic:

 

neuroplasticity-and-limbic-retraining

 

[ryan1982]

I’m so sorry I haven’t responded but thank you @getofflexand @ChessieCatfor your help. I still have the eye pressure and I’ve ruled out sinuses after getting a CT. I’m assuming it’s part of this hellacious wave and will go away in due time. Just trying to eat healthy, rest and walk and praying I can get back to normal!

[ryan1982]

Hey all-

Happy Thanksgiving to those in the US. I’m still having issues with eye pressure, light sensitivity, and movement (watching others move and moving myself) more than I should. Fatigue and leg strength have both improved. Started a new job and didn’t feel anxious. 
 

I’ve pretty much lost hope it will improve. Trying to make the best of it but I don’t think I can take much more. 

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

Hey Ryan1982, We have to hope and have faith it will go away. I’m in the same boat as you. These headaches I experience everyday 24/7 are taking their toll.  I’ve decided myself that Im not going to updose. I am going to taper down from the .5 mg and be drug free end of January.  I just want off the drugs.  I noticed at least from your signature you have stayed at same dose for some time.  I think the longer this poison is in our system the more we suffer.  
I wish you were feeling better.  I wish the eye pressure will cease.  These are probably the worst times of our lives.  It will get better.  

[ryan1982]

Thanks so much, @NeDaytoDayMJ. I wish you lots of peace and healing. 
 

I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I take my dose at the same time every single day. I get lots of rest, eat well, limit stress and walk every single day. I don’t drink, I don’t use drugs, I don’t eat much sugar. I just don’t get why I’m still in a wave. I’m a positive, happy person but I’m absolutely at the end of my rope. 

[ryan1982]

Hey @brassmonkey-

Hate to call in the big guns but I'm frankly pretty desperate. I've been in a wave caused by low dose naltrexone taken back in April. Today is officially 8 months since that event. I'm assuming this is "kindling" because it's the worst wave I've ever had by a long, long shot.

 

I've had terrible symptoms the whole way and I'm thankful to have booted the anxiety and forehead pressure to the curb. I now have a crazy symptom of heaviness behind my eyes like I've never felt before and an ability for my brain to process some faces, hands and movement. Super strange, I know, but it's been rough. I see certain things and my brain just can't process it. I've had a litany of tests and all is normal.

 

Do some people simply never recover? I'm afraid that's the way I'm going as I never would have thought it would take this long. It's crazy. Keeping slow, simple and stable.

 

Appreciate your wisdom, sir.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

Hey Ryan1982.  I’m sorry your dealing with this eye pain.  I wish it would go away.  Seems like we both are a broken record.  It’s super sad and gets old.  We have to have faith right?  Things will get better.  I wish I had an answer to your problems.  
Please take it easy.  

[brassmonkey]

Kindling can be a very rough one to recover from, but it does happen. It can just take a lot longer that we would like to happen. It sounds like you are making some progress though, which is a very good sign. Unfortunately eight months is just getting going for some people. You will get there but it will probably be several more months. 

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @brassmonkey. Does the mental processing stuff of things like hands, faces and movement sound like wave? I’m trying so hard to do everything right to get out of this. 

[brassmonkey]

Yea, it's a wave, just not the typical depression/anxiety type. Have you tried fish oil or flax seed oil. I find it really helps the mental acuity stuff. Takes a couple of days to kick in but really works. 

[ryan1982]

Thanks, Brass. I haven’t tried either of those yet but will give it a shot one at a time. Appreciate it very much. 

[ryan1982]

@brassmonkey- will the fish or flaxseed oils help with sensory overload symptoms to light/sound/movement?

[brassmonkey]

Not that I know of, it's more for mental clarity. I'd try a small amount of magnesium. 

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Not that I know of, it's more for mental clarity. I'd try a small amount of magnesium. 

 

But try only a small amount and only one thing at a time.  And don't make any other changes at the same time either.

 

the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable

 

 

[ryan1982]

On 12/16/2021 at 4:20 PM, brassmonkey said:

Not that I know of, it's more for mental clarity. I'd try a small amount of magnesium. 

Thanks, Brass. 

[ryan1982]

On 12/16/2021 at 8:06 PM, ChessieCat said:

 

But try only a small amount and only one thing at a time.  And don't make any other changes at the same time either.

 

the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable

 

 

Thanks, @ChessieCat. I responded in your thread but just wanted to say congratulations again! What an accomplishment!

 

Im still struggling badly with eye pressure, sensory overload from light and sound. 
 

If I tried a medication while not tapering like I did, am I consider “kindled”? I thought the definition of kindling was going on and off medication but I’ve been very steady for a few years. Just don’t understand why this wave is taking so long, unless I’m kindled. It’s been 9 months.