ryan1982: my journey

[ryan1982]

Hey all-

I know everyone’s busy but I’m curious if anyone has experience with taking CBD in a wave when it worked before? Just trying to manage my anxiety and it’s been an ace in the hole for me in the past. I haven’t taken it in a week or so because I was afraid it would mess me up more. I’d love to hear anyone’s feedback!

[ryan1982]

I’ve been on the same dose of 4 MG of Lexapro after a fast taper for 10 months now. I continue to have issues. I know my journey hasn’t been typical because I’ve had surgeries and injections for back pain but I’m at my wit’s end. I’m trying to eat healthy and heal my gut. Yet I still get anxious for hours at a time and meditation won’t touch it. 

 

I’ve always tried to be positive but I’m sick of this and I feel like I won’t ever be able to restart a slow, safe taper. 

 

Should I consider an updose to 5 MG? I’m desperate to feel like myself again, all the time. 

[DogLover]

Wondering about your experience with cbd? Are you still taking it? Does it help?

 

[ryan1982]

Hey @DogLover-

Thanks for asking!  I've found that CBD really helps when I'm not in a wave.  However, when I'm in a wave, it makes things way worse for me.  

 

One day we'll get through this!

RR

[DogLover]

I've heard mixed reviews. I just pm'd you.

[ryan1982]

Hey everyone,

I'm approaching my one year mark of my hold at 4 MG of Lexapro and I have to be honest, I would have expected to feel better.  I've absolutely had some medical procedures that have thrown me off track but I still feel pretty bad daily.  Questions for any mods thare are out there:

 

-Should I consider increasing my dose to combat the lack of serotonin in my body?

-On the flip side, maybe these drugs are making me feel worse and I actually need to start my taper again?

 

I get so anxious sometimes and I can't seem to handle stressful situations like I used to.  Any insight would be greatly appreciated.  

[ryan1982]

@Altostrata @ChessieCat@nz11

 

Im sorry to tag mods I’m just getting a bit desperate. Any suggestions? Should I updose? Or work my way down?

[Altostrata]

ryan, you don't lack serotonin, please put that idea aside.

 

What is your daily symptom pattern? How has it changed in the last 6 months?

 

Were you prone to anxiety prior to taking psychiatric drugs?

[ryan1982]

Thanks for checking, Alto and sorry again for tagging you. 

 

I’m not sure of the science so I appreciate the reminder. 

 

Honestly, my days typically start with a lot of anxiety in the morning and work, something I used to really be able to handle, makes me super anxious. By the time I get home around 6 PM, I’m completely exhausted. I lose my patience with my kids and it’s just a really bad thing for my family. I used to not be like this. 

 

Yes, I’ve always been prone to anxiety but not it seems like I can’t handle any stressful situation at all. My back pain and nasal/breathing issues give me anxiety as well. 

[Altostrata]

What time of day do you take Lexapro? Does it make you sleepy or is it stimulating? How are you sleeping?

 

Are you getting at least a half-hour of gentle exercise, such as walking, every day?

[ryan1982]

I take Lexapro at 8 AM and 8 PM for a total of 4 MG. I rarely miss those exact times. I can’t honestly tell whether it stimulates me or makes me tired. It just makes me feel...bad. I have this full headed congested, anxious feeling. 

 

I sleep OK. I have back issues so that can be a factor but I do OK for the most part. I have some nasal stuff going on and I have surgery in 2 weeks. 

 

Yes, I work out every weekday morning and do yard work on the weekend. I coach baseball too so that keeps me active. Really been watching my diet and I keep that very under control. 

[ryan1982]

Do you think that it could be the fact that I'm on pills and not liquid?  I weigh my pills like everyone else but maybe I'm not getting a consistent amount of active ingredient?

 

Thanks, Alto.  I appreciate any advice you can give.  

[Altostrata]

No, the pills are probably okay. I am concerned about these symptoms that sound like allergy? What is your nasal condition?

 

Do you have sleep apnea?

[ryan1982]

Thanks, Alto. I have a collapsed septum and I can’t breathe out of my left nostril. It’s as fun as it sounds. Haha. 

 

Should I consider an updose of .25 or .50?

[ryan1982]

Another thought- I did get serotonin syndrome at the end of 2016 so perhaps Lexapro is essentially poisoning me? I've read some things that it's really difficult to take any med that affects serotonin after having serotonin syndrome.   

[ryan1982]

Hey everyone- Been a long time and I wanted to check in. Still cruising on 4 MG, 2 MG twice per day, spaced out 12 hours apart. 
 

Doing well from an anxiety perspective. Been looking for stabilization for the last 1.5 years before I start my taper using the @brassmonkey slide. 
 

I had a sinus infection for which I had to take antibiotics and steroids for for about a month. Then I had a nasal surgery and subsequent cold and I was on all sorts of meds- Mucinex, Sudafed, Patanase, etc etc. The total timeline has been about 3.5 months. 

 

I’ve been off all meds for a couple weeks and ever since then, I’ve had the worst frontal headaches that last all day, every day. I’m definitely in a wave but I’ve never had symptoms like this. I’m considering taking B2 (Riboflavin) to help because Tylenol won’t make a dent. The neurologist suggested the conservative approach rather than Topomax or Neurontin, which I appreciate. 

 

Any thoughts on that approach?

[ryan1982]

Hey all,

It's been a long time and I hope everyone is doing really well and staying safe in this crazy world!  I wanted to provide a quick update and ask a question.  I AM STABLE!  It took about 2.5 years from when I got serotonin syndrome and tapered too quickly to finally stabilize.  I know that's scary for some to hear but it IS possible!  I've been enjoying the past 9 months but I think I'm ready to keep going.

 

The only thing is that I'm still on 4 MG of Lexapro and clearly I need to address that.  I have to be honest that I'm completely terrified to so since I've seen what life on the other side can look like.  Should I start with the @brassmonkey slide and see how I do?  Is that the best approach since I don't know how I'll react?

 

I appreciate your time.  Have a great day.   

[mooki24]

Hi @ryan1982,

 

I started reading this thread as you mentioned luvox (something I'm having issues with). Ended up reading through all 7 pages! So happy to read you have finally felt stable for the first time in a while. Can I ask how you're feeling now?

[ryan1982]

Hey @mooki24-

Hope you're doing well!  It's been a heck of a journey and I'm still holding at 4 MG of Lexapro but I'm STABLE!  This site can be difficult to come to grips with when you're in the throes of withdrawal but they're right- time and stability heal. 

 

How are you doing?

[ryan1982]

Hey @Altostrataand @ChessieCat

 

It’s been a long time since I checked in- I’m doing well enough but am really struggling after trying a pill for neuropathic pain my neurologist prescribed. It’s called Trileptal/Oxcarbazepine and I only had one pill 72 hours then. Since then I’ve been dizzy, so fatigued, feel drunk, can’t concentrate and incredibly hungry. The drug, according to my doctor, should be well out of my system by now. 
 

any suggestions? I’ve had serotonin syndrome in the past; does this sound like that to you? 
 

appreciate y’all so much. 

[ChessieCat]

Before taking anything it is best to do your own research.  You check to find out what sort of drug it is, what the side effects might be and also whether they might interact with any other drugs/supplements you are taking.

 

Q:  Are you still taking Zoloft as well as Lexapro?

 

Drug.com Interactions Checker

 

https://www.drugs.com/sfx/trileptal-side-effects.html

 

 

Quote

 

Trileptal: Uses, Dosage & Side Effects - Drugs.com

https://www.drugs.com/trileptal.html

Trileptal (oxcarbazepine) is an an anticonvulsant or antiepileptic medicine. It works by decreasing nerve impulses that cause seizures and pain.

 

 

[ryan1982]

24 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Before taking anything it is best to do your own research.  You check to find out what sort of drug it is, what the side effects might be and also whether they might interact with any other drugs/supplements you are taking.

 

Q:  Are you still taking Zoloft as well as Lexapro?

 

Drug.com Interactions Checker

 

https://www.drugs.com/sfx/trileptal-side-effects.html

 

 

 

Hey @ChessieCat

Thanks much. I tried to do some research ahead of time but the trigeminal neuralgia I was diagnosed with is so bad it seemed worth it. 
 

nope, not on Zoloft. Still on Lexapro 2 MG x2/day. Been going well. 

 

spoke to the neurologist on call about an hour ago and he was astounded the doctor prescribed me what he did. Said if I still feel this way tomorrow to go to the ER. Ugh. 
 

 

[ryan1982]

Hey @ChessieCat-

Just a quick update that I went to the ER and they couldn't find anything wrong.  I'm starting to think that the balance issues are from anxiety and I'm actually hyperventilating. I think the medication definitely threw my system out of whack.  This is as bad of a wave that I've had in the past 3 years since I started my taper. Should I be concerned or is extreme anxiety during a wave somewhat normal?

[ryan1982]

Hey @brassmonkey

I mistakenly posted on a shared thread and was asked by @ChessieCat to move it over to my intro so here we are. Been in a wave for over 3 weeks now and I’m still having sensory overload and just overall feel unwell. Great news is that the anxiety seems to be starting to go although it’s still present. 

 

This is the biggest and longest wave I’ve had since I stabilized 1.5 years ago. At what point should I consider a slight updose? On the other hand, could this be Lexapro making me feel terrible and should I consider a taper or switch to another med if this doesn’t stop?

 

I’m trying to get lots of rest, eat well and take daily walks. I like to do strenuous exercise but haven’t done so since I don’t want to overload my body. 
 

I’m sorry to bother y’all but holding down my commitments professionally and personally during this time has been exceedingly difficult and I would welcome and greatly appreciate your thoughts. 

[brassmonkey]

If the wave is starting to recede and your symptoms starting to calm down, then an updose is not called for. Let things stabilize as they are. Adding or switching medications will just stir the pot and cause more problems. give things a bit more time to stabilize and then maybe try to taper a bit more.

 

It is a good sigh that the anxiety wave is starting to resolve, it feels like such a relief when that happens. It can be a real challenge to balance WD with our personal and professional lives. I tapered for many years while holding down a position as a R&D Engineer, it was a real balancing act at times. Unfortunately the WD is in control and we have to work around and through it. There were many times i just had to "push through" as best as I could. I ended up cutting out almost all extraneous things and concentrated on just getting done what was required. I also was never with out my "paper brain" to take notes on everything. Short term memory doesn't work too well during WD. I found work to be a great distraction to help get my mind off of the symptoms throughout the day. On the personal level I made sure to tell my wife just how much I appreciated her help and support and went out of my way to "make an effort" around the house and towards her. That also was a great distraction. We often don't think about it, but our partners are frequently as upset, worried and scared as we are. That needs to be acknowledged and appreciated.

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @brassmonkey, really appreciate your help. So great to have people that have been there, done that and gotten the t-shirt!
 

Absolutely, balancing work and kids is such a huge challenge. I married “up” and my wife has been incredible throughout our entire marriage but especially understanding during this time. 
 

Is it crazy that I *still* feel like this after over 3 weeks? At what point would you suggest that I consider an updose...6 weeks? 3 months? Never?

 

I know I shouldn’t be but I’m just so dang scared this is permanent and I don’t know how I’ll possibly go one feeling like I’m on a boat all the time. 

[brassmonkey]

I'm thinking some daily symptoms notes would be helpful.  Just a simple list of time and what happened, please include things like eating and when you take what medications.

[ryan1982]

Great idea, @brassmonkey
 

6 AM- Wake up- typically feel well enough. 
7 AM- Drive my son to school and have dizziness due to motion. 
8 AM- Take 2 MG of Lexapro  and have oatmeal for breakfast

8 AM- 9 AM - Walk and do physical therapy. Struggle with balance and feel like I’m moving and on a boat. 

9 AM - 12 PM- Work and get extremely dizzy with while working on my computer

12- 1 PM- Pick up my daughter from preschool; have trouble when talking to others in person. Don’t feel panic, just anxious that I’m not “with it”. Get adrenal fatigue. 

1-6 PM- Work, eat a healthy meal with protein and battle dizziness on computer. Usually have a headache by the end of the day. Am lucid and make sense when I’m meetings. Not completely sharp and find mistakes in my work. 
6-9 PM Help with putting my kids down to bed. Struggle with loud kids and bright lights. Get way more disoriented and irritable than I should. Typically have tinnitus watching TV. Take 2 MG of Lexapro at 8 PM. 
9- 10 PM- Read and am able to sleep around 10. I have a bladder disease so I get up a few times to use the bathroom. 

This may not make sense but sometimes I feel like I’ve had too much to drink (but that implies I’m mentally out of it, which I’m not) and I have the spins. It’s a terrible feeling and seems to last most of the day. 
 

No depression (ever really) and the hyperventilation/panic seems to have gone for the most part. Now just feel dizzy and out of it. 

 

 

[brassmonkey]

Good start, now let's keep it up for a few days and see if some sort of pattern starts to show up.

[ryan1982]

7 AM- Wake with kids and get breakfast squared away. Feel a bit anxious as I know I have a social commitment later in the day. Eat oatmeal. 
8 AM- Take 2 MG of Lexapro and work on my computer a bit while kids watch TV. Computer makes me dizzy so only make it about an hour. Meditate for 5 minutes. 
9:30 AM - 11 AM- My wife gets up and I go back to sleep for an hour. Feel much worse getting up this time. Shaky, out of it and anxious. 
11 AM - 2 PM- Drive to go to lunch with friends. Driving is tough, feel like I have dizziness issues and “lose my stomach” multiple times. Lunch is fine, great to see people, lucid but sad that I can’t enjoy it. Anxious at times and feel floaty. 
2 PM- 6 PM- It’s rainy and cold so we spend time with the kids watching movies. TV is hard so I do the worst thing possible which is doomscroll and try and find answers to why I feel the way I do. I obsess over past posts on this site and others. 
6 PM - 8 PM- Put kids down to bed but doomscroll when I can. Eat healthy dinner of soup and take Lexapro at 8 PM. Small cookie for dessert. 
8 PM- 10 PM- Watch TV and struggle with the dizziness and motion. Speak with my wife and break down about how desperate I am and how I want to feel better. She’s right when she says I spend too much time searching for answers and it isn’t healthy. 
10 PM- Bed. Struggle at times with dizziness once I close my eyes but fall asleep around 10:30. 
 

Thanks, @brassmonkey

[ryan1982]

8 AM- Wake and take Lexapro and go back to bed for a bit (my morning off with the kids)

9:30- Wake again and eat oatmeal and watch church with the kids and wife. Don’t feel anxious, just dizzy and very sensitive to light and sound. 
11-1- Walk around outside and play with kids. Talk to neighbors and have the dizzy feeling. 
1-3- Have a healthy lunch and spend time around the house with my daughter. Crazy fatigue, just exhausted. 
3- 5- More outside time with kids, hang out with neighbor friends. All conversations are fine but I’m winded, dizzy and everything feels a bit dull. 
5- 7- Dinner (grill cheeseburgers) and put kids down to bed. Feel of but sensitive to loud noises. 
7-8- Shower and watch TV. Get particularly dizzy in the shower. 

8- 10- Take 2 MG Lexapro @ 8 PM. Spend time with my wife and watch TV. Still dizzy but not particularly emotional tonight. 

10- Lights out and bed. A little dizzy closing eyes but fall asleep quickly. 

Overall a better day but I didn’t have to drive or go anywhere. 
 

My main thing that I’m grappling with is the question of whether this is actually just a reaction of a sensitived nervous system after a severe reaction to Trileptal or something else entirely. Did I get a bad batch of Lexapro? Is it not as effective as it once was? So many questions and I’m so scared this is all permanent. 

[ryan1982]

Hey @brassmonkey- here’s Day #4. Thoughts on my symptoms and what I’m experiencing? Do you feel like it’s a wave? The visual vertigo and headache are what remain; they’re pretty debilitating but at least the anxiety is pretty well gone. 

Thanks so much for taking the time to read!

 

6 AM- Wake up; work at 4 AM and had a bit of trouble falling back asleep so a bit groggy.

7 AM- Take my son to school. A bit better driving in terms of dizziness. Go on a long walk and have some balance/visual vertigo as I look at the sky against trees. 

8 AM- Eat oatmeal, take probiotic supplement and do physical therapy. Take 2 MG Lexapro.

9 AM- 12 PM- Work, work, work. Have a few meetings and am in good spirits and am lucid, although tired. The computer definitely increases dizziness. Tinnitus has kicked back up. 

12 PM- 1 PM- Eat lunch of veggie burger, 2 hardboiled eggs and yogurt and speak to my wife. She reassures me that what I’m feeling isn’t permanent and is a wave. She doesn’t think I need to see a doctor for balance issues. Start to have a headache. 

1 PM- 6 PM- Work with occasional breaks. Not as tired as yesterday but seem to be more dizzy due to all the screen time. Dizziness feels like it’s in the front and top of my head. Meetings keep me occupied but get dizzy looking out windows. No anxiety to speak of, even with my having to lay people off this week.

6 PM- 7 PM- help with putting the kids down to bed. 

7 PM- 9 PM- eat some vegetable stew and watch a bit of TV with my wife. A bit of trouble watching TV due to motion. Headache gets worse. 

9 PM- 9:45 PM- Read and go to bed. have trouble sleeping past about 4 AM. 

[ryan1982]

I should mention that the sensory overload is still present.

[brassmonkey]

Looks like the anxiety is/was a pretty typical WD wave and is burning itself out.

 

I'm not spotting anything directly related to when you take the medications, sometimes there is a spike in symptoms a couple of hours after taking them that is a clue.

 

When was the last time you had your eyes checked? You might look into some eye and general relaxation exercises to work into your routine while on the computer and taking meetings. Shoulder stretches, neck rotations, eye cupping, anything to break the flow. Thirty second meditations can really help. Also if you can get a chance to "sun" your eyes, it's one of my favorites.

 

Sunning your eyes: I like to stand in a shadow with just my head exposed to the sun. The sun here in SoCal can be brutal for just standing in it. Gently close your eyes and turn your face to the sun. keep those eyes closed. Feel the warmth of the sun on your eyes and enjoy the "pretty colors". After a while the colors will settle to an overall red and you should feel a relaxing of the optic nerve and the front of your face. It usually takes 30 seconds to a minute for me. Then look away from the sun and open your eyes. You will probably be off balance for a few seconds, so just stand there and then move away when you are ready.

[ryan1982]

Thanks, @brassmonkey. I love the sunning idea.  I'll give that a shot.

 

Had my eyes checked not too long ago and everything was fine. Haven't had my inner ears checked but I don't feel any pain at all there so likely not that.  I also started this recent batch of Lexapro a few weeks before this started so I doubt it's a bad batch, per se.

 

You mentioned anxiety being common in a wave- are the sensory disturbances and balance issues in that same bucket as well? Just terrified this is permanent. We have a big family trip coming up in a few weeks and I'm trying so hard to feel better so I can enjoy it.

Edited January 12, 2021 by ryan1982
additional details

[brassmonkey]

My experience was that there is an ebb and flow for just about all the major symptoms. I would have weeks of dizziness and walking into doorways, followed by weeks of good balance. Waves of anxiety and panic with windows of feeling great. Nonstop intrusive thoughts followed by a quiet mind. WD really makes you think you're going crazy, but it's really just your body trying to return to homeostasis. I always found it better to "let recovery happen" instead of trying to "make recovery happen". It made for a lot of adjusting my life around things, but I was almost always able to do the things I needed/wanted to get done. None of it is permanent, but it can take a while.