Musk: is this withdrawal?

[dj2010]

8 minutes ago, musk said:

I'm really suffering, uncontrolled thinking, impossible to focus, anxiety, crying. low back pain. obsession. I feel strange, as if I was not myself. I do not care or care about the world that surrounds me, nor my children ... !!

 

I am gradually reducing diazepam, now I am at 1.87 mg per day. I made a memory and I realized that I really started taking 5 mg at the beginning of December, after many months of not using it.

 

I have diet and I am taking supplements from my orthomolecular psychiatrist: magnesium, omega3 and 5HTP. I have not noticed clear changes since I take these supplements. He also proposed passionflower (passiflora incarnata) as a tranquilizer to sleep, but I do not take it for not mixing with diazepam. 

 

I started the supplements on January 18, it took a week.

 

The last two nights I have slept more hours, but a very fragmented dream.

 

I have started EMDR therapy.

 

I keep wondering if reinstating would help me, or is it better to wait,  I have that question daily.

 

Almost 6 months off sertraline. I'm not sure I can handle this journey. I take only for 1 year, is it possible to take so long to heal?

 

I am also very afraid that the symptoms will get worse when I continue to reduce diazepam or  when finish diazepam.

 

I am also very afraid of ending up developing a chronic immune, hormonal disease, etc. to never recover my good health anymore.

 

I feel so lonely and strange, even though I'm surrounded by family members.

sorry to hear you are suffering so much, I tried 5HTP a few months ago and it really messed me up, it made me wake up after 2 hours of sleep with bad anxiety and was impossible to get anymore sleep when woke, during the day I was very agitated and anxious from it, fish oil also has a negative effect on my sleep, 

 

stay strong, I hope you see some improvements soon

 

take care

[dj2010]

5 minutes ago, dj2010 said:

sorry to hear you are suffering so much, I tried 5HTP a few months ago and it really messed me up, it made me wake up after 2 hours of sleep with bad anxiety and was impossible to get anymore sleep when woke, during the day I was very agitated and anxious from it, fish oil also has a negative effect on my sleep, 

 

stay strong, I hope you see some improvements soon

 

take care

 

5HTP increases serotonin, anything that messes with serotonin levels when in withdrawal is not good:  https://www.webmd.com/vitamins-supplements/ingredientmono-794-5-htp.aspx?activeingredientid=794

[musk]

I had serious sleeping problems before 5htp. 

 

I have not noticed changes since I took. I do not know what to do, wait more taking it and see what happens?

[dj2010]

10 minutes ago, musk said:

I had serious sleeping problems before 5htp. 

 

I have not noticed changes since I took. I do not know what to do, wait more taking it and see what happens?

probably best waiting for a mods to advise on this, if possible try epsom salt baths before sleep, these help relax the body and lowers cortisol etc,

 

hope things improve for you soon,

 

take care

[Rosetta]

On January 25, 2018 at 2:07 AM, musk said:

I'm really suffering, uncontrolled thinking, impossible to focus, anxiety, crying. low back pain. obsession. I feel strange, as if I was not myself. I do not care or care about the world that surrounds me, nor my children ... !!

 

Hi, Musk,

 

Let me reassure you: You DO care about your children.  That is why it is bothering you so much that your feelings for them are hard to access.  That is what's happening -- your feelings are unrecognizable to you, but they are still there.  They will be easily accessible again.  I remember the phase you are in right now.  It's terrifying, but it will pass.  

 

You are very physically ill and on top of that your brain is sending signals at all the wrong times, and they are criss crossing other signals like two ships passing in the night.  Does that analogy mean anything in your culture?  I hope so.  The crew of each ship is unaware of the other ship.  They pass close to one another, but the fog obscures the light from each.  Odd things were happening in the night that did not make sense -- odd noises, strange waves, a general feeling of unease, but they could not see the lights of the other ship.  They could not hear any sound that was recognizable.  Some of them told stories of mythical sea creatures that take down ships.  In the morning, the crews of each ship spot the other ship and realize the other ship had passed very close in the darkness, and they wonder how close they came to disaster.  

 

There will be no disasters, Musk.  Your brain can handle all of this, but your brain is having to do things differently than you are used to experiencing.  Your perception of what's happening in your brain may make you feel odd, very odd.  It's all okay.  You do "not feel that you are yourself" right now, but you will again soon.  The odd feelings may come and go.  You will get used to it.  It will stop being so frightening at some point once you realize that it can't hurt you.  Meanwhile, while your brain is compensating for the lack of the drug there will be many strange sensations both physical and mental.  This is your brain doing its job.  It simply must reorganize itself regardless of how much anxiety this causes you.  

 

I had that feeling that everything is meaningless and that I cared about nothing -- that nothing had any point.  It scared me a lot.  I didn't want to feel that way because deep down I cared very much.  You care, too, and that feeling that makes you think you do not care will go away.  You do care, but you can't feel that emotion very well right now.  It will come back again, and you will feel love and concern for your family again.  Please trust me as I have come through to the other side of what you are experiencing now.

 

For now, try to remember how you used to feel and act on that remembered feeling.  That's how I dealt with it.  My daughter never questions whether I loved her during that time because I continued to act the same as much as possible.  If I did not act that way I became aware of that difference in my behavior and I reassured my daughter over and over (this is different than the time when I took high doses of Zoloft -- at that time I was not aware of my actions toward other people.  I thought I was acting normal, but I wasn't according to my husband.). In that WD time when my feelings were erratic, I used to apologize and tell my daughter that I loved her after every time I lost my temper with her.  She wasn't sure whether to believe me sometimes, but now that I am no longer losing my temper with her, she feels safe with me again.  

 

None of of this is permanent.  I remember feeling very lonely.  That is also your brain being unable to let you feel the love from your family.  It's normal for WD.  It will go away.  It does seem that 6 months should be enough time to heal, doesn't it?  It is not for everyone, but the time that has passed does not mean you will not heal.  In fact, some people believe that a lot of healing is taking place during the time we feel the worst.

 

The immune and endocrine (hormonal) issues are normal in WD, too.  Mine are resolving slowly.  All the inflammation in my joints is reducing.  My appetite comes and goes, but I'm not losing weight any longer.  My blood sugar is much more stable.  Some days are better than others.  Even if my joints hurt more one day they continue to get better over time.  For instance, I bumped my elbow this morning, and I expected a lot of pain.  There was none!  I couldn't believe it.  I was able to follow a conversation I had with my husband this morning and even contribute ideas to the conversation.  I remembered where we parked the car.  I can smile, I can laugh, and I can enjoy a hug.  It's all coming back, and it will for you, too.  It takes a lot of time, but you are not going to remain the way you feel right now.  I hope you can believe me.

 

If I were you I would not take 5 -HTP.  Maybe a Mod would say you can stop if you started it on the 18th of Jan?  Is that the date, right? It is said to be addictive and something that will have to be tapered.  Not only that, but it might cause a bad reaction while you are in withdrawal (WD).  

 

I would not take the Omega 3 and the magnesium at the same time. I would take one or the other only for a few weeks.  Then, if you don't have a reaction, you can add just a little of the other one to see how you feel before you take higher doses.  Some people can't take those supplements while in WD or at least not in the early time when they have many bad symptoms as you do.

 

Also, I would not taper any more of the Diazapam until you get advice from a Mod about that and about reinstating the AD.

 

I hope you feel better soon,

Rosetta

[musk]

Thanks Rosetta.

 

How long? How long to see a very small improvement? Although it is very small... 

 

I have no hope, none. I've taken sertraline only for 1 year,  and I'm off since almost 6 months!  So...   I think simply I've gone crazy, and that's it.

[musk]

About the diazepam

I'm confused. Reviewing my story, I see that I retake at the beginning of December.  Keep it now -  when I am at a dose of 1.87 mg -  it seems to lengthen the risk of addiction unnecessarily. I'm confused!

 

I introduced Magnesium and Omega separately (end of december) 

 

Since I introduced 5HTP, the sleep seems improved a little. 

 

[Rosetta]

6 hours ago, musk said:

I have no hope, none. I've taken sertraline only for 1 year,  and I'm off since almost 6 months!  So...   I think simply I've gone crazy, and that's it.

 

No, you haven't gone crazy.  I thought that, too.  I really did.  I had all the same symptoms, and I said to my husband "I've gone insane."  He couldn't answer; he agreed, but he said that according to SA it's temporary.  He was right.  SA was right.  You will get better just like everyone else, Musk.  You will feel perfectly normal one day, and it will feel so odd!!  It is very odd when the derealization lifts.  The "window" analogy is perfect.  It will probably come back, but someday it will be gone for good.  It is for me.  I never feel derealization now.  I have a lot of normal feelings, and I feel more and more happy about my life all the time.

 

How long?  I wish there was an answer.  On the one hand if someone had said it will definitely be 3 months I would have fallen into despair.  When you are feeling what you have described one more day is like a year!!  So I'm glad no one said that.  On the other hand you need to know there is an end.  All I can tell you is that there is an end, and it is glorious!  Each person has a different timeline for each symptom.  What I can tell you is that HOPE is right around the corner -- your very first window will give you hope, and it will carry you through to the next and the next.  This journey is one day at a time, one window at a time, one glimpse of your old self at a time.  Another "secret" -- you may have a window and realize that after the window.  That happened to me several times when the windows began.

 

As for the Diazapam -- this is one of those things that is a double edged sword.  I have been a bit jealous of people who had a benzo during WD.  There were times I wished I could have a benzo because the Mods say it helps with the anxiety, and therefore, to taper it last.  If you have been using it that long it is my understanding that you are addicted.  I would not have added it to my WD period because of addiction, of course.  It's good that your dose is low.  (Maybe you should change your drug signature at the bottom of your posts?  It says 5 mg a day.). Consider it a necessary evil right now.  I would not want to taper it right now if I were you.  You are too symptomatic.

 

That's good about magnesium and Omega 3 being separately added.  Maybe they are not causing any extra symptoms.

 

As for 5-HTP, ask a Mod, please.  It is not recommended by the Mods, I know that.  It is much like adding a new AD -- it can make things worse, and it will have to be tapered.  Your sleep may be improving for other reasons.  If you are not dependent yet I would stop using it.  See if a Mod thinks you could be dependent by now.  When did you start taking it and at what dose?  (Perhaps put it in your drug signature.)

 

It's all going to be all right for you just as it is for me.  Hold on!

 

Peace,

Rosetta

[musk]

Hi everyone, I'm in for an update.

 

I have enjoyed a window that lasted a little over a week. In those days I felt precarious but as a normal person, I have not cried or had great anxiety, or exaggerated fear. I have done my normal activities, although I have always thought about my withdrawal syndrome and about what my future will be like. However, those days the insomnia has been the same -except two days per week I can sleep a little better, and also the lower back pain.

 

I follow the purifying diet rich in phospholipids that my hygienist psychiatrist put in me - a lot of fruit, vegetables, blue fish, eggs, whole grains -, and supplements (krill oil, magnesium, and 5HTP). I felt normal and I kept taking it.

 

Diazepam I have reduced it and I have not suffered for now: now I take 0.83 mg (one third of a 2.5 mg pill), since a week ago.

 

Now I am again in the middle of a bad wave: again agitation, anxiety, intense crying, despair, fear, worry, hypersensitivity to shouting, bad words, bad forms, certain images or movies.

 

I feel very lonely and misunderstood, I am surrounded by people who are worried about me, but who do not understand what is happening with me, and do not want to be informed because the only information about antidepressant abstinence is in some internet pages, but they do not have the doctors in person, That's why they do not trust.

 

At times, I also have doubts about whether my problem is a mental illness from which I will not recover but not withdrawal sindrome. I find it strange to believe that this is happening to me, just taking antidepressant for 1 year, because I have never been hypersensitive to medications, I never had problems with drugs such as antibiotics, anti-inflammatories or analgesics, normal.

[Rosetta]

I'm sorry you have entered a wave.  I know how hard that is, believe me.  It's a really good sign that you had a one week window.  The psych drugs are nothing at all like antibiotics, anti-inflammatories or analgesics.  Those drugs do not do the same thing as sertraline at all.  Having no problem with the other drugs doesn't not mean that you have suddenly developed a psych illness.  If you took pain medication for a long time you would have pain when you stopped it even if you never took it for pain.  That would not mean you developed a new condition called "pain."  

 

If I were you I would not reduce diazepam again for at least a few months.  You may destabilize your system by doing that. I think I would wait until I started to sleep well every night before I changed anything again.

 

I have read here on SA that 5-HTP should be tapered if you decide to stop taking it, by the way.

 

I'm sorry your family doesn't understand.   They will see the truth when you are healed.  It really us a good sign that you had a long window!!!  Take hope from that!

 

Peace, Rosetta

[musk]

Thank you very much Rosetta for your answer and explanations.

 

On the one hand, I have an authentic panic to develop an immune disease during withdrawal. It's because I've read in this forum that sometimes it happens to some people. I'm very much afraid of that, and it obsesses me. it's like a double problem.

 

On the other hand, a small weak inner voice tells me, that in the future I will be healthy and happy, I imagine my future being well and healthy, above all: happy and without suffering. I cant imagine future otherwise. Is this an emotional defense, perhaps?

 

I have a question for the moderators: if I stop taking 5-HTP, what time should I give to see if it is causing problems? When I started taking it, it did not affect me negatively, maybe a little positively. But now I'm like at the beginning of this journey!

 

In addition, tryptophan is an essential aminoacid present in foods. My psychiatrist says that sometimes when a person is taking antidepressants, have too much tryptophan. Perhaps that is why some feel bad taking 5HTP. But it is not my case, I was very low in tryptophan, according to my psychiatrist. I dont understand. But I will try a few days.

 

About Diazepam. Now I am taking 0.83 mg and I do not see that it has any effect. Before, when I was taking 5 mg I noticed that it had an effect. Now I do not see benefit, but I do not see that since I started to reduce, I have worsened. Neither better nor worse. I'm very confused!

[powerback]

On the one hand, I have an authentic panic to develop an immune disease during withdrawal. It's because I've read in this forum that sometimes it happens to some people. I'm very much afraid of that, and it obsesses me. it's like a double problem.

 

This is a valid worry but there's no  evidence this will happen to you so try not to panic yourself into this ,our minds are so powerful in either direction ,exhaust all ways to distract when panic arises  ,get into a habit of distraction .

Hope your wave ends soon but always remember the window will open again .

PB 

[musk]

Thanks PB for your encouragement. I also look forward to a new window, it seems that never come 

[powerback]

Your welcome Musk ,I think yous have even felt this winter in Spain so the better weather will bring better days . 

[sesamepearls]

You never know when the windows will come. Don’t lose hope!

[musk]

Thanks for the support.

 

last night, without 5Htp. horrible. I have read on the page Toxic Antidepressants, that some brains never recover. I think that may be my case.

[powerback]

12 minutes ago, musk said:

Thanks for the support.

 

last night, without 5Htp. horrible. I have read on the page Toxic Antidepressants, that some brains never recover. I think that may be my case.

Isn't it interesting musk how we are so hardwired to the negative ,not a judgement of you ,but we will  have to some day force some positives into our journey of recovery because if you keep reinforcing   this negative narrative it only leaves room for a worse situation .IE worrying ourselves sick and our power and will taking away from us by ending up in hospital all the time .

 

I am not for one second judging you for being negative ,we seem to be hardwired for it and we are handed the ultimate test .I watched an interesting TED talk the other day ile find it and send it to you ,it basically explains  that no one can even remotely help us like we need to help us ourselves .

Maybe you need to taper 5Htp but ile leave that to the mods .

Total respect .

Be safe .

[powerback]

This is the video .

Now of course I realise our journey is different and more complex but the principal is the same .

you don't have to watch it now come back to it after you rest or are better able to.

[musk]

A question about a symptom:

 

I thought that the motor agitation that I have when anxiety comes to me - this always happens at dawn, will not be agitation but akathisia?

 

It is a movement of visible evident trembling that if I want I can control in a certain way, for example if one of my children sees me, but that the body asks me to not stop doing, because when it ends, I am more relaxed. Often the antidote is usually to provoke an orgasm, then that agitation is over.

 

What is your opinion?

[Rosetta]

Musk, that sounds like Akathisia to me, but I always found it very difficult to distinguish between Akathisia and anxiety or agitation.  I didn't have visible movement of my body, but I thought that I could feel it inside like a vibration.  I don't want to say that it doesn't matter because you are concerned about it.  I would have asked the same question, but there isn't a lot that can be done in response.  So, I didn't spend too much time trying to figure it out.  I personally think anxiety and Akathisia are at two ends of a continuum.

[musk]

I'm in panic. I keep reading stories here in this forum of people who are so bad and do not recover, I am extremely scared, impressed and overworked.

 

But on the other hand I can not avoit it, it's like compulsive behavior. But I understand that this obsession to look for horrible stories in Internet, must end, its not good. 

 

Today I have not gone to work, for the first time in this journey.

 

I begin to be exhausted from the nights without sleep, I am beginning to suffer consequences.

 

I think that it would be best to disconnect for a while.

 

Thanks

 

[Rosetta]

I went through the same phase.  It will pass.  It might be good to disconnect, but you can always come back.  There is absolutely no reason to think you will not recover.  Everyone recovers although it takes some longer than others.  That is very, very frustrating, but those people are still alive and still posting to tell you what's happening with them.  You have to remember that the very bad phase you sure in right now is not constant.  People who still have WD symptoms after a long time are not suffering the way you are now.  It's gets better and then a little worse and better and a little worse, but it's always getting better overall.  It's hard too see how much better until the bad phase passes and one realizes, Oh, that wasn't as bad as my waves used be.

[musk]

Many, many many thanks, Rosetta.

[musk]

I can not, I do not control myself, I'm out of control.
 
I'm obsessed with looking at this forum. I find a lot of help with some contributions, but others ... affect me so much, and I have a kind of addiction to scary stories.
 
I'm sorry, this embarrasses me, I look like a girl!
 
I'm hurting myself
 
I can not deal with the suffering I feel now, these long days and nights.
 
 
How long does insomnia last without any change? If I noticed that it lasted another hour, I would be happy and hopeful ... just one more hour, or two ...
I've also felt like killing someone. For example, the other day I visualized murdering the psychiatrist.
 
Rosetta, for you it was 2 months of insomnia, I read well? I've been almost 2 months now. Where is it around the corner?
 
If there is not a small change, a small sign of improvement, in a short time ... I think about reincorporarme. Even without guarantees that the refund will work.
 
I think I do not have enough personal resources to face this situation. Maybe people like it, we have no choice but to live medicated. I can not.

[Altostrata]

Hello, musk. What times of day are you taking diazepam, and at what dosages? Does it help you sleep?

 

Sometimes taking a very small amount of Zoloft, such as 2mg, will help. Is that what you mean by "reincorporarme"?

 

To take a small amount of Zoloft, you can make a liquid from a tablet. This topic explains how

Tips for tapering off Zoloft (sertraline)

 

Or,  talk to a pharmacist to see if liquid Zoloft is available in your country, you would need a doctor's prescription for it.

 

Yes, many people here are angry at their psychiatrists.

[Rosetta]

Hi Musk,

 

I'm worried about you, and I want to reassure you that you can get through this.  I know how difficult this is for you.  

 

I see you were asking about reinstating a tiny amount of Zoloft.  Do not, please do not, take a bigger dose than recommended by SA even if your psychiatrist tries to convince you that a tiny amount "is not a therapeutic dose" and won't help.  My understanding is that a dose that is too large will make everything much worse.  It seems that once we are in WD more than tiny amounts of any drug can make everything much worse.

 

Try to think about everything you have been doing or eating or taking.  Are you taking anything besides Diazapam, Krill oil, magnesium and 5HTP?  Are you exercising?  Exercising might be a bad idea right now as it increases cortisol.  Are you driving a lot?  Are you working?  Are you drinking alcohol or cold medicine?  Is there anything you have tried that is new?

 

To answer your question: Although recurring (night after night) insomnia was not a big problem for me except in the very beginning, I did have a period when I didn't rest even when I slept.  About 5-6 months after I quit Zoloft, I was entering a very bad phase.  I would wake up night after night feeling that I had never slept.  This happened for at least a couple of months, and all day I was incredibly restless.  I call it Akathisia of the mind.  Yes, it lasted about 2 months or so.  Maybe a little longer.  It became worse and worse over time and went away slowly over time.  So, it is hard to define the time period more precisely.  

 

I wish I could help you more effectively.  --Rosetta

 

 

[musk]

About diazepam:

 

I take at night, now 1.25 mg (half tablet 2.5 mg). Yes, it makes me fall asleep - not always - but not keep me asleep. I sleep 1 hour, maximum 2.

I think I can get to sleep 1 hour also without diazepam, of pure exhaustion.

 

About reinstating:

 

In Spain there is a liquid form of 20 mg per ml. But... it is not supplied, it can not be easily obtained, the laboratory does not supply it. The only option is to find a pharmacy in the whole country that has it in stock by chance. 

 

Now, I would like you to confirm my suspicions, you Altostrata, or some other mod, that you know this forum well and you have seen what many people experience ... if reinstating is worth it in my case.

 

I do not want to make a big mistake - the same mistake I made when I started the medication, right!

 

Something tells me that I should wait longer, and not get carried away by anxiety. Why?

 

I am "only" 6 months out of sertraline.

My symptoms are more mental and emotional (extreme anxiety, worry...) than physical.

My basic character is something neurotic, someone who always looks for the guarantee and security, who does not have patience. I get scared and easily impressed. I'm like this.

I have few coping tools learned in my life

And because I had a "window" last week, 7-8 days long.
 
Are these enough reasons to expect a good evolution? although it is extremely hard for me?

[musk]

Rosetta:

 

Something very weak tells me that I should not give up and that I will get over it. But I do not know if I will resist, because I am at the limit of my resistance.

 

And I think now is not a good time to make any decision (reinstating ...). I'm right? But I do not know if the force will last me to resist much more.

 

About what I'm taking now: 5HTP I do not dare to take it, I think I'll leave it. I will try a week without taking?

I'm using a cream that has marijuana as an ingredient, for low back pain. I'll leave it, as a precaution.

There is a coincidence, and that is, my problems got much worse coinciding with the introduction of Omega 3 & magnesium. This too I leave ???

 

I'm exercising, yes. Not very much for me. I walk one hour each afternoon. Also the way to work and return (15 minutes each way). I understood that exercise reduces cortisol ... (??)

 

I'm working, yes. Only in the mornings, until 2:00 p.m. It is not a very stressful job usually, a little at specific moments. I think I will soon leave work, temporarily, because I do not do it well. I am attending to the public and I do not do it correctly.

 

I never drink alcohol, and I do not drink anything. I have doxylamine (Unisom in America) but I have not tried it. I do not dare!!

 

My diet is strict: fruit, vegetables, legumes, fish, eggs and nuts and seeds.

[Rosetta]

9 hours ago, musk said:

And I think now is not a good time to make any decision (reinstating ...). I'm right? But I do not know if the force will last me to resist much more.

 

About what I'm taking now: 5HTP I do not dare to take it, I think I'll leave it. I will try a week without taking?

I'm using a cream that has marijuana as an ingredient, for low back pain. I'll leave it, as a precaution.

There is a coincidence, and that is, my problems got much worse coinciding with the introduction of Omega 3 & magnesium. This too I leave ???

 

I'm exercising, yes. Not very much for me. I walk one hour each afternoon. Also the way to work and return (15 minutes each way). I understood that exercise reduces cortisol ... (??)

 

My diet is strict: fruit, vegetables, legumes, fish, eggs and nuts and seeds.

 

Musk, 

 

As as to now not being a good time to make a decision, I might agree with you.  It's a hard choice.  I doubt there is ever a "good time" as the reason for reinstating is that you are feeling terrible.  It's hard to make good decisions if you are.  If you can't get liquid Zoloft reliably you should make a liquid out of pills.  It's destabilizing to switch back and forth from pills to liquid for some people.  Making a liquid can be challenging and mistakes can be made.  

 

So, if it were me, I would not reinstate for 4 reasons 1. Bad time to make a big decision (at 6 months out -- that's quite a while for your brain to have made a lot of changes.  That is the reason I did not reinstate -- it had been about 6 months.) 2. Difficulty getting easy to use medicine 3. A long window. Seven days is long in my opinion.  I've never had a window that long. 4. You can quit your job.  That might help you avoid stress and control your days to avoid stress.  

 

Could you work fewer hours? Quitting might be a big change that is hard to handle, too.  It might cause you to have too much time to think and worry. (I have that.)  So, be prepared to fill your time with something. You need human contact with adults somewhere somehow.  You cannot be with your own thoughts all day.  That might make quitting the job a negative thing, but if you could avoid stress then you might heal faster.  Is there somewhere you could go to visit people and actually talk to them? I imagine Spain being a place where there are outdoor markets and parks full of people, but it's cold there now, correct?  Do you have friends who don't work?  Can they visit you and can you visit them?

 

You might try a shorter walk to see if it helps.  Yes, exercise can lower cortisol in some people and raise it in others.  My walks are about 45 minutes long.

 

Taper the 5HTP if you have been taking it consistently for a few weeks.  Don't quit.  Post for a Mod's help.

 

Stop the cream definitely.  MJ is not a good idea right now.

 

You could try stopping the fish oil and magnesium and then adding only one back in for a week to see if that affects you.

 

You might have too few carbohydrates at certain times of the day?  Try to space them out.  Blood sugar is sometimes difficult for the person in WD to regulate.

 

Take care, 

Rosetta

[musk]

I agree with you about reinstatement. It always seems to me that I am drowning, but one then realizes that  is still alive, so we have to resist.

 

About quitting work, yes, I think it would isolate me. I would isolate a lot from human contact, that's not good. In my work there is also a good climate among colleagues. I do not have friends, these last years I have isolated a lot, without realizing about it. 

 

Yes, here in this country people are very much outdoor, rather in the cafes and taverns, there are fewer and fewer markets because they are replaced by new shopping centers. Anyway, I am someone very shy to stay among lots of people, I would not talk to anyone and I am not an attractive person, not with 'good karma'...

 

I'm going to stop all the supplements for a week and we'll see what happens.

 

You think that a window that lasts a week is a long time? Wow, maybe I am lucky and I leave this awful story without consequences?

 

Thanks Rosetta, you are my angel.

[Gridley]

A window of a week is definitely long.  Some windows only last a couple of hours.

 

I would stay away from fruit that has a high sugar content.  Even though it is natural, sugar in any form can be activating for some members whose systems are sensitive.

 

 

[musk]

Thanks Gridley too.

[Rosetta]

If I could have a seven day window!!!  You are going to be fine.  There will be more bad times, but don't get discouraged!  Just post for support.  I think you should keep the job.  Being isolated is the last thing you need.  You can change your mind later if you like, but I suspect you are better at your job than you think.   

[musk]

Hello, an update and I say goodbye for a while.

 

My insomnia continues but I have the impression that I sleep now a couple of hours more, since a week ago. I take diazepam when I wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 AM. I think it does not do anything, so I've decided to get out of this drug, even if it costs me. And I will not wait until I'm all right.

 

My lower back pain continues, but it is curious: when my thoughts change radically in a window, I feel connected and hopeful, the pain diminishes. I have very clear that it is a psychological pain, and that it will go away in due time. In the dark moments, I think it will never go away and it will increase until I become incapacitated and depressed more. Conclusion: the thoughts are extremely powerful.

 

I have had another small window of 1 day and a half. When I say "window" I mean that I feel better and more focused, more serene. but I do not feel "incredibly". This is normal? Or is it NOT a window? I guess this doubt you have had other people ...

 

I have discovered that I am extremely scared with comments, readings, other people's experiences, theories and hypothesis, etc. and that this fact can get me out of my "window" !! Therefore, I want to say goodbye to this forum for a while, I said it before and I was not able to because I have a tendency, a kind of addiction, to poison me with catastrophic ideas and to hurt myself.

 

You have helped me and oriented me a lot, and I am grateful, now I know what is happening, and that I have to wait, and that over time my body will adapt because it is wise and strong.

 

Now I want to focus on not taking my family to emotional ruin along with me, taking care of them so that they do not "get infected" of my nightmare.

 

My little inner voice tells me that I will get it, there is no other possibility for me. Life can not be so cruel. I am the owner of my destiny, I have decided that it should be so.

[Rosetta]

Hi Musk,

 

 I hope for you all the best!  I understand completely about reading other threads and feeling worse.  I believe that happens to everyone at least some of the time.  It is a good idea to focus on the positive as much as possible.  I have a similar experience with pain being mingled with anxious or depressed thoughts, and I do believe that keeping the bad thoughts under control can help relieve physical pain.  I'll be thinking of you.  

 

Take good care, Rosetta

[musk]

Hello.

Desperate! Suicidal!

Please, I need urgent guidance. know what experiences people have in a situation similar to mine.

 

As you see, i took sertraline for 1 year, im off since aug 2017, seven months.

 

Last month I've gradually gotten worse, and I no longer have windows. my symptoms have increased, there is also the suspicion that abstinence has caused autoimmunity, it is necessary to confirm but it is very probable.

 

I I am no longer functional, I had to leave work.

 

I have a family in my charge, and I no longer think so much about myself and I do not intend to live without medication ... my expectations have been greatly reduced.

 

Even if only to function, I am willing to return to the antidepressant, but I have read here that after many months off and my body struggling can occur any reaction, even worsen the situation, thats risky. 

 

I do not know how reinstatement can, perhaps, influence in autoimmunity, if improve or worsen it.

 

I'm not in a position to do experiments, I'm hanging by a thread. I only wish to listen which is the majority experience in such a case.

 

 

I'm so sorry now I did not reinstate 4 months ago when I started to get depressed very gradually

 

Thank you