Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Musk: is this withdrawal?


musk

Recommended Posts

Thinking of you, musk.  

I hope you are doing better.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
  • Replies 211
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • musk

    111

  • Rosetta

    37

  • Shep

    14

  • powerback

    12

Top Posters In This Topic

 

Destroyed. That's how I am.

 

Anxiety and panic at all times, crying intensely uncontrollably anywhere, at home, on the street or on the beach! I have the feeling of having lost my head, my mind is crazy, without any control, suffering and suffering intensely. I am afraid, terror, panic because of what is happening to me.

 

I know that attitude and faith are essential, and my mind admits neither the slightest positive attitude nor the slightest faith. I want to die and finish with everything, stop suffering, stop making my family suffer. I am broken, destroyed. I give up! I can not anymore.;

 

I suffer new physical symptoms: my fingers hurt, especially my toes. And I have started to be tired and weak all day even if I do not do any activity. My fingers are trembling fast, occasionally, especially when I'm nervous. I am so afraid of suffering a degenerative disease.

 

Allthis is so strange. I continue to react with tears and great sadness to everything, especially to things that bring back good memories, such as photos of places or situations in which I was happy, ... this is very strange, as I had stopped being "me".

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a 2-week period that alternated 1 good day-1 bad day, and I thought I was getting better and that's how the people who know me saw it. I thought that I was really healing, that I had advanced a lot compared to January-April.

 

Now I have 3 weeks of dark depression, a lot of anxiety, more bad nights, and the akathisia has come back occasionally! It usually happens only in the second half of the night, I shake and start to move my legs and twist, and after a while I stop. If something pulls me out of that state like a phone call or something unexpected, I may forget and pass. Is this akathisia? Well, the term does not matter, but in that situation I suffer intensely. 

 

There is another thing that intrigues me a lot: before taking any medication I had a very rare sensation in one of my legs, a sort of heaviness or numbness or stiffness, hardcore Tour describe exactly, but without sensory changes, and without objective changes, the leg worked and moved normally. While in medications, it dissapeared in a few months and I forgot it.

 

Now that feeling has returned and it scares me so much! now it is more intense than before, but I walk normally and move at my will. Doctors, even neurologists, told me it was a somatization, but I find it so hard to believe!

 

I have such guilt for doing this to my children! but I can not control my emotional state in any way! 

 

Mu family is already very tired and no one believes me my explanation of the withdrawal syndrome. I also begin to doubt. Can it be a disease? I am completely alone emotionally: all people think that I am like that because of choice, because I have believed that reinstating is risky and can not fix my problem.

 

The pressure is too great around me, to admit to medicating, I do not know if I can resist more. my situation is inadmissible for my family, and they see the "solution" so easy, they do not forgive me for not trusting the doctors. I have abandoned psychotherapy for money and because I always reach a point where the therapist can not help anymore.

 

Thank you if you've read this far.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4378786/

 

****, I read that and I want to die right now.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

Dont believe everything in these "doctor newspapers" is right. In the doctor newspaper  is also that the withdrawal of SSRIs takes a week or that PGAD is a lifelong illness and by me it healed after 1,5 year. Just listen to your body. It will do its best to heal itself 

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

Link to comment
  • Administrator

musk, you have garden-variety post-acute withdrawal syndrome. This will very slowly get better. You are already having windows.

 

Read

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization 

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

The importance of feeling good

 

Protracted Withdrawal or PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome)

 

What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like?

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

 

Regarding https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4378786/ 

 

Quote

His psychotropics were stopped. He was diagnosed as a case of GAD with Parkinsonism and sent for neurophysician evaluation who started patient on anti-parkinsonian drugs tab syndopa (110 mg) thrice daily, clonazepam (0.5 mg) thrice daily, inderal (40 mg) ½ twice daily with rapid improvement in his distressing motor symptoms. Revised diagnosis of Drug-induced Parkinsonism (DIP) with GAD was entertained. Patient was much improved in his facial expressions & was able to walk, shave and write in couple of days. After three month an attempt was made to taper off and stop his anti-parkinsonian drugs but there was reappearance of rigidity, tremors and bradykinesia. He was managed as a case of DIP and GAD on anti-parkinsonian drugs and mitrazapine 15mg once daily for five months. He was lost on follow up.

 

The one person described in the article was better after "sertraline 50 mg twice daily, buspirone 5 mg thrice daily and clonazepam 1mg thrice daily" was stopped (probably cold turkey). How did they taper his other drugs? They followed him for only 5 months. They have no idea what happened after that. "Irreversible" drug-induced Parkinsonism is surely an exaggeration.

 

You have not reported symptoms of Parkinsonism, drug-induced or otherwise. You do not have this. If you have a tendency to scare yourself and make yourself miserable, you must stop doing this, it will only prolong your distress. Perhaps you should stop searching for studies you find frightening, as you do not seem to be able to interpret them.

 

Are you feeling better or worse than you did 6 months ago?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
37 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

Dont believe everything in these "doctor newspapers" is right. In the doctor newspaper  is also that the withdrawal of SSRIs takes a week or that PGAD is a lifelong illness and by me it healed after 1,5 year. Just listen to your body. It will do its best to heal itself 

 

Many thanks from my heart, Martina, for keeping me focused.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

Thanks, Alto. You're right, I do not have the capacity to correctly interpret what I read. Thanks for making me see this fact.

 

Lately I was feeling better some days, compared to 6 months ago. I was sleeping a bit more, a little quieter. but the somatic symptoms that I have described are new: the pain of feet and fingers, the weakness, the fatigue.

 

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment
  • Administrator
1 minute ago, musk said:

Lately I was feeling better some days, compared to 6 months ago. I was sleeping a bit more, a little quieter.

 

When we say healing is slow and gradual, we mean frustratingly slow and gradual. You are doing a little better. This is a good sign.

 

What is your sleep pattern and your daily symptom pattern? Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. Use a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

 

How are you taking the magnesium?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

I also suffer what I think are fasciculations now, and not before. on the face on the upper lip. I have read that many people with great estees and anxiety usually have it. I have also spoken with some of these people.

 

Yes, I take magnesium citrate, 200 mg morning and 200 night.

 

At night I usually fall asleep without much difficulty, but I always wake up in 3 or 4 hours. Then I doze slightly, I have done dreams ... I try to focus on my dreams, I think they can hold meaning. and the good thing is that my dreams are often beautiful or neutral, sometimes full of symbolism. At least I have something good to tell ...

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

Hi Musk,

 

I'm so sorry you are still struggling.  I've had a lot of improvement myself.  I've been drug free for 16 months.  I hope that can give you some hope.  You have been drug free since March 2018 with regard to the Diaz, I think.  Drug free since Aug 2017 with regard to the sertraline except for that one pill in December.  That is wonderful.  I am so happy for you that you have been able to resist taking medication all this time!!  You are so strong.  You are going to be well someday soon.  It may seem that things are getting worse, but I see much that is positive in your post!!

 

2 hours ago, musk said:

 

Allthis is so strange. I continue to react with tears and great sadness to everything, especially to things that bring back good memories, such as photos of places or situations in which I was happy, ... this is very strange, as I had stopped being "me".

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a 2-week period that alternated 1 good day-1 bad day, and I thought I was getting better and that's how the people who know me saw it. I thought that I was really healing, that I had advanced a lot compared to January-April.

 

Now I have 3 weeks of dark depression, a lot of anxiety, more bad nights, and the akathisia has come back occasionally! It usually happens only in the second half of the night, I shake and start to move my legs and twist, and after a while I stop. If something pulls me out of that state like a phone call or something unexpected, I may forget and pass. Is this akathisia? Well, the term does not matter, but in that situation I suffer intensely. 

 

 

Those tears and and sadness feel terrible, but they are a very good sign!!  You are changing.  Your brain is getting better, and it's painful, but I see that sadness, I feel it, too, myself, but I see it as a positive sign of healing.

 

That Summer after I quit Zoloft was absolutely terrible, but this Summer I'm doing well considering all I've been through.  

 

The 2 week period of feeling good one day and bad the next --  this is something that I felt for many weeks this Spring, and when it was over I had healed a lot.  The depression, the bad nights, anxiety and Akathisia -- I had it all.  For about one or two months now I have been able to see improvement -- a lot of improvement.  Some people say that when we feel the worst we are healing the most.  That seems to have been true for me.

 

You did the right thing to come here when you need support to resist being medicated.  I truly believe that would only prolong your suffering.  I felt very desperate recently, and I thought I needEd to try Benadryl, but I didn't, and I got better regardless.  As for today, I have a cold and yet I have not felt this good since BEFORE I stopped medication.  I believe I was sicker and sicker with every increase of the dose of Zoloft which began in 2011.  My husband notices everyday how much better I am.  He keeps pointing out all things I'm doing and how well I can think compared to last Summer.  There is no way I will ever consider ADs and benzos to be safe drugs again in my life.

 

I'm very sad that you are feeling guilty about your family, but please understand that they have no reason to distrust the doctors.  When you come through this without taking drugs that re-kindle your nervous system your family will have to admit (quietly to themselves) that you were right.  Someday, it will be all over the news and become common knowledge that the use of ADs and benzos was a massive, worldwide experiment on people using drugs that were never safety tested for long term use.  Even the short term use has not been properly tested for safety.  

 

The only person who can protect you is you.  You are doing a great job, Musk, and I believe you will be healthy again and with your children as a normal mother.  I'm able to care for my daughter now pretty well although I can't do much else on top of that.  It will happen for you, too.  Stay strong.  Don't let anyone convince you that ADs or benzos are the answer to this.  

 

1 hour ago, musk said:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4378786/

 

****, I read that and I want to die right now.

 

As for this -- they lost the patient which might mean he gave up on their treatment when it made him feel worse!  There is no legitimate claim that his "Parkinson-like" condition cannot be healed.  They don't know because the only treatment they offer was more drugs which irritated his nervous system and prolonged the problem.  Neurologists are starting to notice this pattern in their patients.  There is a person here who lives in Missouri (mirage is her name).  Her psychiatrist is also a neurologist, and he agrees with her that the medication caused her problems.  I've seen other people here who have a neurologist or psychiatrist who recognizes the problem.  I wish you had one like that.  

 

I still have many odd muscle issues, tension, twitches, mild pains, tremors, but they are less and less intense all the time.  Most of the time, they don't bother me much, and they don't scare me because I know they are going away.  The muscles that control my eye are twitching today. It almost hurts, but it's nothing.  This rarely happens now.  It used to be more frequent, but when it does happen I don't worry because I know that I will feel better a few days later.  

 

I hope you "turn the corner" soon, Musk.  I know that this is a very, very hard time for you.  Please know there is a light at the end of this tunnel!

 

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Please do not make a big thing of occasional twitches. They probably will come and go and finally disappear.

 

9 minutes ago, musk said:

Yes, I take magnesium citrate, 200 mg morning and 200 night.

 

At night I usually fall asleep without much difficulty, but I always wake up in 3 or 4 hours.

 

This is a common sleep pattern. Do you go back to sleep?

 

You may wish to take magnesium citrate in smaller doses throughout the day, and take 100mg when you wake up at night.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Rosetta - So grateful for your kind message, thanks very much for all your explanation. I'm very happy with your improvement, I often remember you.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment
32 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

This is a common sleep pattern. Do you go back to sleep

 Sometimes I go back to sleep, but I no longer sleep deeply, I usually remain semi-conscious, often with dreams.

 

I will try to take magnesium as you say. Thanks, Alto.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

Impossible to continue. my husband and my parents are going to force me to medicate me and to obey the doctors. I have no way out. nobody believes me when I say that reinstatement does not work

They have threatened me with confinement against my will. I do not know what the hell to do with my fear and terror. I do not control my behavior, I do not control my episodes of panic and intense crying. I'm more alone than ever. I do not see exit, there is no solution. I'm very afraid of Parkinson's, the symptoms coincide with my situation. I want to die, I do not want to suffer anymore.

 

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

Sorry that your suffering. This is so awful!

 

What were you on and for how long?

How long have you been off?

 

What are your worst symptoms?

In June 2014 I was taking Celexa for 2 days, 25 mg zoloft 8 weeks, 10 mg Paxil 3 months and 10 mg Lexapro 1 month tapered off in 2 wks.. Was on a total of 6 months had side effects to them all. Went off and had my first panic attack a month later in January 2015. In March 2015 was having stomach issues and was put on Xanax for a week Dr. Said it was anxiety. End of that week woke up heart racing so was put back on Lexapro 5 MG and the next night is when my sleep got messed up. Literally not sleeping

Was it the Xanax or lexapro?? Went off sleep on and off and taking Xanax on and off. The end of April 2015 tried Buspar for 2 days and had side effects and could not sleep at all. Middle of May 2015 went on Ambien and lexapro again. Inner vibration started. Switched to paxil. Went off Ambien in June 2015 and off Paxil July 2015. October 2015 got worse went of zoloft 12.5 mg through December 2015. I was tolerating what I was going through January and February 2016. Then March got worse with horrible panic. Tried hypnotherapy in May 2016 a couple times couldn't Relax when she started counting backwards it freaked me out. Started not sleeping again in May. Went back on Xanax for 2 months May-July 2016. Tried liquid Prozac 5 mg then 10 mg side effects July - August then switched Zoloft 12.5 mg August - September 2016. Been off antidepressants since September 5, 2016. Been off Xanax since July 28, 2016, but I have taken it 8 other times since then through May 2017. Have symptoms going on with agoraphobia. Is this withdrawal??

May 2017 feeling horrible and more intense symptoms.

Link to comment

Musk, you need to ask to see a neurologist.  Do not let them medicate you without seeing a neurologist.  This is a neurological condition.  Tell the neurologist that you are afraid you have dysautonomia from benzodiazepine use.  If you do take drugs, please try reinstatement at a very tiny dose before you take what the doctors prescribe.  Ask the mods for advice on which drug and how much.  You have been off a long time, Musk.  A long, long time.  It's been a year for the Xanax and longer for the AD.  I was very, very sick at the one year point.  Five months later, and I have healed a lot.  In order to stay out of the hospital you might be able to take a tiny amount of something, but I don't know what.  A mod will have to opine.  Talk with your husband and tell him that you want to try a tiny dose for 6 months or so.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
3 hours ago, musk said:

Impossible to continue. my husband and my parents are going to force me to medicate me and to obey the doctors. I have no way out. nobody believes me when I say that reinstatement does not work

They have threatened me with confinement against my will. I do not know what the hell to do with my fear and terror. I do not control my behavior, I do not control my episodes of panic and intense crying. I'm more alone than ever. I do not see exit, there is no solution. I'm very afraid of Parkinson's, the symptoms coincide with my situation. I want to die, I do not want to suffer anymore.

 

Musk, they can not confine you against your will. You have to be calm, composed and just say no. Try to explain them what you are going through (withdrawal) and explain your husband that if he wants to stay with you he has to respect your evalution of the situation and support you. If he can not do that, you would feel better alone. And try to calm yourself before them and before society, because if you say you are not anymore under control they have it easier really to think of confinement.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi. I visited who is supposed to be one of the best neurologists in my region. I told him my whole story and my current problems. I was accompanied at all times by my husband and mother. The neurologist ruled out any signs of Parkinson's and even no other serious illness, and suggested antidepressant and/or anxiolytic medication for my mental torment, for which he advised to go back to my psychiatrist. I left the office reassured and willing to abandon certain ideas once and for all, my relatives were also relieved. 

 

But the next day the symptoms scared me again and back to business as usual (total lack of confidence and trust...). My thinking is like a game of tennis: now I think what happens to me is due to withdrawal, then back to believe that it is a disease that began to manifest itself before starting any medication in 2016. Crying all the time and always intensely depressed, worried and scared.

 

I begin to be sick and disgusted with my own thoughts. Also recently I have the impression that, looking back, my symptoms and feelings have changed according to what I feared/read/heard at each moment.

 

I had a time when what I most feared was ankylosing spondylitis and I had sacroiliac pain for months. I even bleed with the stool once, which confirmed my self-diagnosis. Then I was in contact with several people who had overcome this disease and, although I feared it, I was filled with hope when I discovered that there were cases of healing. Then I started to fear much more Parkinson's and recently my symptoms have changed in that direction. I thought that what happened to me was not withdrawal, but the disease that had been present before, and interestingly, I stopped having the small windows of a day, that I had.

 

Recently I have also discovered several people healed. Some have written books and are published cases. In any case, all these cures are holistic, natural mind-body cures, or at least in any case with a mindset change in the background. So this shows me that my thoughts on this journey that I have had to live without wanting to, are key.

 

Then, I cling to the last ******* possibility, which is that drugs damaged my brain and, with that, however much I try to change my mindset, there is nothing to do. Well, I refuse this possibility too! I  R E F U S E! I bet the amazing success of several participants here, is due to the beliefs that they held while they were suffering. Maybe someone is upset with that I say, so I apologize if that is the case.

 

I am saying all this at the end of a -for me- horrible day (crying, weak, extremely worried, with cramps on my feet...) that objectively has been a wonderful day with my children on a beautiful beach, a nice picnic surrounded by songs of seagulls, and a boat ride.

 

I'm crazy, definitely. And I'm alone, very lonely. And I never knew how to be alone, I've never been alone. And since always I had the disgusting habit of always putting myself in the worst possible scenario. And I feel so guilty. And so embarrassed. And so stupid. And so immature.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

I could not have said it better myself, Musk.  I feel the same way -- guilty, embarrassed, stupid and immature.  I feel as if I'm going through puberty all over again and having to relearn how to be an adult.  That's exactly what's happening -- I'm having to sort through all these emotions and learn how to deal with them all over again.  That's probably why I keep thinking of my years in high school and all the miserable times with my abusive and neglectful mother.  We are quite literally growing our brains just as we did all those years ago, and it's just as confusing, scary and upsetting as it was then.  

 

I'm very sorry to hear that the neurologist is not aware of what benzos can do to a person.  The lack of knowledge about ADs might be unsurprising, but the benzo post acute withdrawal syndrome is more widely known.  Maybe s/he was simply unaware of how AD use can affect someone in WD from benzos.  What a shame.  I hope that you can at least take some solace from the fact that a neurologist could not find anything wrong with you.  That's nice to know.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hi. I am so absolutely desperate. I feel that I need to do something with this situation, but I do not know what or how. I have the impression that I am using the law of attraction against me, to punish me and harm me. Why the hell do I do this to myself? to my family? I wish, I need with all my strength to get out of this situation.

 

Lately my pattern of symptoms has been: quite positive and hopeful 1 day although feeling physically bad - then 1 day feeling worse and worse, wanting to die to end this suffering and uncertainty.  Day on, day off. If someone in whom I believe would assure me that I will be cured at the end and that I will return to a normal life, I would wait 1 more year, 2 or 3 if necessary.

 

My symptoms continue adding, I have suffered akathisia again, only in the morning and from time to time, something like an internal tremor in the body. Fasciculations daily, in the upper part of the mouth, under the nose, and around one eye. My blood pressure drops when I raise my head or sit up when I pick up something from the floor. The soles of my feet hurt. The back of my neck hurts when I move it and it is full of tension. I also happen something that worries me a lot and is that I always wake up at exactly the same time, at 1.30 AM and if I go back to sleep at 4.30 AM. During the day I always yawn at the same time, 10.30 am, and 1.30, 4.30 and 19.00 PM (but I am never able to sleep during the day). This worries me a lot, I've read what happens in Parkinson's disease. I have read a lot about this and I know that all the symptoms that I have described have been read at some time before, and thats something that intrigues me. Is it posible? I have started to feel dizzy, also. The symptoms have multiplied this las month. I continue without feeling any (any!) positive emotion and suffering from desrealization and poor memory and lack of concentration.

 

This must end. It's so crazy. I have the belief that the mind has infinite power, and I suspect that I am using mine against me to destroy me, instead of using it in my favor and in favor of my family (by the way I cut off the relationship with my parents, they did not help me or support me). This is the impression I get sometimes. The people around me see me 'well', they say I look pretty and I do not have a bad face, only sad eyes.

 

In March I asked for sick leave because of my problem. Now I had to decide if I went back to work or someone would replace me temporarily. And I have decided to return to work, I do not know if it is a good decision. I am so weak, tired and I cry in any place or circumstance.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

You are describing withdrawal.  It is not Parkinson's.  There are several similar symptoms.  One day feeling ok, next day feeling bad, feeling physically crummy almost everyday -- that's me. Many of my muscle spasms are lessening.  They get worse -- everything gets worse --  right before my period and when I ovulate.  That is common for women in WD.  You are NOT "doing this" to your family!!  A doctor and a medicine caused this.  It's called dysautonomia.  It will be healed by your own body if you can simply wait -- very, very , VERY hard to do.   You are a brave, strong, amazing woman, mother and wife for living through this.  You will be ok --someday.  Hang in there. -R

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Rosetta, thank you for your encouragement while you are also fighting for your life.

 

But, so many symptoms emerging so far from the drugs ... is there any chance for me to recover?

 

Sleeping or simply resting is almost impossible, because when I lay still I begin to feel that inner trembling, something as if it had electricity under the skin, especially in the chest, face and shoulders. This is new, and can not say that I'm improving.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Musk, 

 

Yes, you will recover . We all will, it’s just a really long and slow process. We will get there in the end one hour at a time. The recovery process isn’t linear, it’s all over the place, we’re up, down, up, down. We will all be able to say one day though that we are healed. 

 

Im a bit braindead to read your thread at the moment but over how long a period of time did you reduce the diazepam? I’m just looking at your signature n you were at 5mg in December n then you were off it by March? That’s really quick if that’s the case, I couldn’t do that. 

 

Im so sorry you’re suffering so much. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

Link to comment

Many thanks Carmie for your words.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

Hello,

Has someone experienced emerging new symptoms so long after stopping medications? Please, please, I need to heal, I need know that I will heal.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment

Hi Musk ,

I can tell you that my symptoms completely change every 3-4 weeks . Once I get used to a symptom it will vanish and a new one takes its place . The only symptom that stays is Akathisia , but even Akathisia changes its type and intensity . You're definitely going to heal , but you must learn how to cope and live while being sick in order to heal , and most of all, accept that time , lots and lots of time is required ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

 

On 9/17/2018 at 5:49 AM, musk said:

Many thanks Carmie for your words.

 

Hi Musk, 

 

Yes, it’s very normal in withdrawals to get new symptoms and also old symptoms that have disappeared will come up again. You sound like you’re in distress. It’s important to keep finding things to distract yourself with while going through waves. Panicking about the waves just makes you more anxious and it makes the waves worse. 

 

Check out Claire Weekes. She has good books on coping with nervous distress or have a look at her videos on YouTube. 

 

Do you have any hobbies or things you like to do? Do more of those. Distract, distract, distract! It doesn’t matter if you’re too numb to enjoy them. Do them anyway. 

 

You will heal but time is Me is the only healer, so in the meantime try and do things to help you cope.

 

Wishing you all the best💚

 

 

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

Link to comment

Thanks, Carmie.

 

I do not see that this symptom is usual, nor do I see that it is usual to obtain new symptoms after so long without medication.



This new symptom is very disconcerting for me, and I am still very afraid of Parkinson's disease. I have read a lot (a lot!) about this disease, both from the perspective of official medicine and alternative approaches, I know a lot about it, I know too much. Everything I experience now, I've read it once. I know that many withdrawal symptoms are similar, and many stress symptoms are similar.

Especially when I go to bed, I feel a sensation of internal tremor, or internal throbbing, in my chest and neck, that does not let me fall sleep. It is something continuous, totally continuous, when I wake up there it is.
When I hold a posture for a short time, I start to tremble visibly, hands, arms, etc...

Before, I fell asleep without difficulty, although I woke up at 2 o'clock without being able to go back to sleep. Now it's hard for me to get to sleep plus I get up at 2 o'clock!

What has improved a bit is the extreme panic and the exaggerated crying of a few months ago. A few months ago I was paralyzed, it was a mental paralysis - not physical, everything scared me. Now I force myself to go to work every day for a couple of hours, and I go on a bicycle. Although I can go crying and anguished, but I go.

The rest has not improved.

I have ordered the book of C. Weekes, maybe it is my last hope to put my symptoms in the correct perspective, without interpreting them in the worst possible cases.

Recently I have broken relations with my family of origin. What I get from them was only criticism and censorship. My mother can not bear to see me wrong, she gets worse than me, she can not stand it, she gets angry, she starts crying, she screams at me, she leaves the place, ... my sister who is quite understanding usually accuses me of inventing it everything, of giving in to my fear, of hypochondria, of being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I can not, although I propose to myself every day, to fight against my own mind. I am unable to meditate, to do relaxation exercises, to say affirmations ...
I do not know how to put the wheel roll for the other side.

I know that here it is said that it is time that heals, but I feel that I must do something to stop this snowball.

 

 

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Musk, 

 

Im sorry about your symptoms. I get internal tremors too when in waves. It is hard to know that only time will heal us  but we can’t change that. We have to learn to cope, even if it’s an hour at a time or a minute at a time. 

 

Im sorry you feel in such distress too.  I hope the Claire Weekes book helps you. There are videos as well on Youtube. 

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

 

 

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hi. I apologize in the first place for the hardness of my words.I know it's very unpleasant to hear someone like me, so so negative and absolutely hopeless.

 

I can not tell anyone, what I feel and think about. I have stopped talking and asking for help or supporting myself in people. I am more isolated than ever and I feel hatred and indifference for anyone including my children. I see them as strangers, far away and now nothing holds me here in this life. Every time I have more clear that I will end my life, every time I think it more calmly, not as an emergency but as an real option.

 

I want to get rid of this situation. I cannot. He has won and defeated me, and I decide to get rid of this at whatever price, but I will not continue to "live" like this. nothing and nobody can help me. I do not think I'll go to more doctors.

 

I'm ashamed to say this here where there are so many admirable fighting people.

 

Symptoms continue adding, not typical symtoms of withdrwal.  and I'm not improving anything. It's been over a year since that **** destroyed my life, or maybe the fault is not the pills and I was already sick of something when I started taking them. I do not know, I will never know. Thank you for all the good support you have given me here. But I think mine is a different case, not a case of withdrawal.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

If you are feeling suicidal please find local support.  Please also see this topic:

 

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Link to comment
  • 9 months later...
On 3/13/2018 at 12:06 PM, musk said:

Hello.

Desperate! Suicidal!

Please, I need urgent guidance. know what experiences people have in a situation similar to mine.

 

As you see, i took sertraline for 1 year, im off since aug 2017, seven months.

 

Last month I've gradually gotten worse, and I no longer have windows. my symptoms have increased, there is also the suspicion that abstinence has caused autoimmunity, it is necessary to confirm but it is very probable.

 

I I am no longer functional, I had to leave work.

 

I have a family in my charge, and I no longer think so much about myself and I do not intend to live without medication ... my expectations have been greatly reduced.

 

Even if only to function, I am willing to return to the antidepressant, but I have read here that after many months off and my body struggling can occur any reaction, even worsen the situation, thats risky. 

 

I do not know how reinstatement can, perhaps, influence in autoimmunity, if improve or worsen it.

 

I'm not in a position to do experiments, I'm hanging by a thread. I only wish to listen which is the majority experience in such a case.

 

 

I'm so sorry now I did not reinstate 4 months ago when I started to get depressed very gradually

 

Thank you

 

 

hello there, i have been where you are, and have endured it for years. have been in protracted for 7 years since quitting 2 years on sertraline. i can tell you this...ive been suicidal, hell ive been homicidal before, but it passes, then it comes back, the windows and waves become more and more far apart until you reach very long windows, which im in right now, in fact the last two years of my withdrawal have probably been the worst, but that doesn't necessarily mean you will stay in withdrawal for that long, it might be a little longer or a lot longer, but guess what, you WILL survive and get 100% better, im on my way there and i can feel changes everyday...dont take anything that isnt food, so amino acids/vitamins are fine , as are omegas , minerals etc.....just make sure they are compounds produced naturally in food , no 5htp , even if it helps a lot, id stay away, i have a few incredible days on it , then the next two days i was banging my head against the wall, so it indicates that i was trying to push my body into a state it wasn't ready for.....just monitor things that nourish your body and things that exacerbate symptoms, keep a journal. you will get through this, everybody does in the end. 

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy