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☼ Pluto: 1 year off Lexapro, 3 years off Xanax

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Pluto
On 7/15/2018 at 8:14 PM, Ripley66 said:

I had my baby in November 2017. I had severe postpartum depression. I tried white knuckling it at first and ended up in the ER convinced I was dying I fell so ill. I think the first 6 months you have to really monitor your symptoms...if youre eating well and sleeping than emotions may be situational which is soooo normal with a baby. But if you stop eating and become restless and start having panic attacks be so careful. That is how it started for me and I had to be hospitalized and put on antipsychotics as I was not eating or sleeping. I couldnt take care of myself. Hormones are very complex. One thing I suggest postpartum is Estrosmart to keep your first year postpartum hormones from spiralling which can trigger mental illness. After one year youre out of the postpartum danger zone and can typically rest easy! 

 

Thank you for the response. Sorry for the late reply from me. It’s been a long week. 

 

I will Google Estrosmart and see where I can get it here. Thank you for letting me know. (I just Googled and it is not recommended for breastfeeding moms)

 

There are so many triggers, it’s scary. From lack of sleep, to family issues, to my mom being unwell, then the actual baby, I’m walking on thin ice. I really am. My husband is not helping either. I seek a routine to give me some semblance of order which helps with the anxiety and I’m not afforded that as he imposed his family on me or just by wanting to change things up like how the baby sleeps when he’s around on weekends. I don’t think he understands nor cares about the severity of my condition right now. 

 

Anyway, since I only got myself to care for me, I need to work really hard. It’s so tough to eat when I should when I’m alone all day so I do get myself triggered into anxiety by low blood sugar. I try to have some things I buy for quick snacks but my eats those too. (I try to buy things during the weekend to last me all week.) So I get frustrated and then I spiral down. I hope the year passes quickly. It’s only been 2 months and I seriously don’t know how I’m going to cope. 

 

I’ll take it one day at a time. 

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Pluto
On 7/17/2018 at 1:28 AM, Poulesportive said:

Hi Pluto, 

 

Quick note to say that I'm sorry to hear that the local breastfeeding support groups near you speak a different language! I actually am no longer a part of any parenting support group since I quit drinking alcohol in 2017 and joined AA. I only have time for one group :) The total absence of alcohol has meant that I very rarely if ever get depressed any more - especially since I feel so supported going to the AA meetings near me (the ones I like - some AA groups are quite weird IMO and I avoid those).

I am also not a drinker. Avoiding alcohol certainly helped with the anxiety for me. It made everything milder. I am glad I left that behind me. Good job to you too.

On 7/17/2018 at 1:28 AM, Poulesportive said:

 

Wanted to mention that for reasons that are beyond me, the Magnesium Advocacy Group/Root Cause Protocol people say that the one of the best things to do to get magnesium to work for you is to stop taking iron supplements! This is true whether you are using magnesium to treat depression or any other ailment, see: https://therootcauseprotocol.com/ and also http://gotmag.org/.  Needless to say I don't have any sort of medical degree, but the same people who are advocating high magnesium diets & magnesium supplements to combat any chronic, inflammation-related disease are also saying that high iron levels are toxic: http://gotmag.org/category/iron-toxicity/page/2/

 

Whether this is a credible source of info I don't know, but I do know that my life is noticeably better taking a magnesium supplement so I do use the MAG website from time to time as a reference.

 

For what it's worth! How is your depression now? Is it any better? Wishing you lots of really good sleep - that's so hard to get with an infant!

 

 

Magnesium saved my life too. Unfortunately I can not ditch the iron tablets because my severe iron deficiency is another cause for being depressed but above that, I also feel lethargic which I can not afford. Maybe when my iron is good I can decrease the iron dosage but I’m afraid that I can not quit it since it’s been a chronic issue. 

 

My depression has has been manageable. Anxiety too. However, my mom being in hospital and being unresponsive and her sudden development of dementia while I’m in another country is not helping me much. It just makes me feel even more alone. So today I am weepy or trying not to breakdown tbh but I hope it passes soon and that I get another two week break. 

 

It seems as if I dip every two weeks. Like today. I apologize for the late reply. The baby has been clingier than usual this last week and despite having had better sleep these last two days, I’ve just been even more tired. Odd. 

 

Anyway, the little one is sleeping in my arms as I type this because if I manage to put her down, I go horizontal and sleep. Lol. 

 

Have a wonderful week ahead. Thank you so much for sharing. I will research also from your leads. 

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Poulesportive
On 7/22/2018 at 11:34 AM, Pluto said:

Magnesium saved my life too. Unfortunately I can not ditch the iron tablets because my severe iron deficiency is another cause for being depressed but above that, I also feel lethargic which I can not afford. Maybe when my iron is good I can decrease the iron dosage but I’m afraid that I can not quit it since it’s been a chronic issue. 

 

My depression has has been manageable. Anxiety too. However, my mom being in hospital and being unresponsive and her sudden development of dementia while I’m in another country is not helping me much. It just makes me feel even more alone. So today I am weepy or trying not to breakdown tbh but I hope it passes soon and that I get another two week break. 

 

It seems as if I dip every two weeks. Like today. I apologize for the late reply. The baby has been clingier than usual this last week and despite having had better sleep these last two days, I’ve just been even more tired. Odd. 

 

Anyway, the little one is sleeping in my arms as I type this because if I manage to put her down, I go horizontal and sleep. Lol. 

 

Have a wonderful week ahead. Thank you so much for sharing. I will research also from your leads. 

 

Hi Pluto! I think you are doing so amazingly well for being a year and a half off of all ADs. So many struggle with it, but I hope to do exactly as you are doing, working to balance minerals, get enough rest, and access other natural ways of healing. I follow one other site on mineral balancing that interests me, although again I can't speak to the scientific validity of it, called Sassy Holistics. Apparently taking magnesium can cause lethargy and other symptoms if not balanced; she recommends hair tissue analysis to balance mineral intake, see: https://www.sassyholistics.com/2017/05/17/magnesium-sodium-and-potassium/.  This woman started a Facebook group called Mineral Mavens that I follow. 

 

Lethargy is the last thing you need! Is the baby waking you up twice a night to nurse, or more than that? My guess is you could be lethargic from interrupted sleep, but given that it could also be from post-partum hormone changes, situational stress and/or a mineral or vitamin issue, if it persists I really wish you had someone to call who actually knows what they're doing....for me it would be holistic psychiatrist Kelly Brogan (here she is on depression and low B12: https://kellybroganmd.com/cure-depression-with-a-vitamin/). Her practice is about an hour from where I live; I've heard she's very expensive to work with, but it's comforting knowing I could contact her if I had to, as she fully supports patients who want to stay off antidepressants. I wonder if there's anyone similar near you?

 

I am so sorry about your mom. You are definitely not alone - my mom is verbally abusive so I have to limit contact with her. I felt very alone until, through my AA meetings, I met new friends with similar stories. It is really draining to deal with being a parent when you don't yourself have a comforting parent to rely on - and especially in your case, where your relationship was good, and now you have to respond to your mother being ill with dementia. That is a lot on your plate. I think you totally need and deserve support, and you will have good ideas for how to get it! 

 

One final note, in my experience husbands are not particularly helpful on these issues - I found that getting support from other women who had been in my situation - plus my lactation consultant - was the most helpful to me when my daughter was an infant. My family and husband simply couldn't help; they didn't understand my situation well enough. But I found those who did. And you will too!  Wishing you good sleep! 

 

 

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Pluto
On 7/24/2018 at 2:01 AM, Poulesportive said:

 

Hi Pluto! I think you are doing so amazingly well for being a year and a half off of all ADs. So many struggle with it, but I hope to do exactly as you are doing, working to balance minerals, get enough rest, and access other natural ways of healing. I follow one other site on mineral balancing that interests me, although again I can't speak to the scientific validity of it, called Sassy Holistics. Apparently taking magnesium can cause lethargy and other symptoms if not balanced; she recommends hair tissue analysis to balance mineral intake, see: https://www.sassyholistics.com/2017/05/17/magnesium-sodium-and-potassium/.  This woman started a Facebook group called Mineral Mavens that I follow. 

 

Thanks for the link. Thank you for the words of encouragement also. :)

 

On 7/24/2018 at 2:01 AM, Poulesportive said:

Lethargy is the last thing you need! Is the baby waking you up twice a night to nurse, or more than that? My guess is you could be lethargic from interrupted sleep, but given that it could also be from post-partum hormone changes, situational stress and/or a mineral or vitamin issue, if it persists I really wish you had someone to call who actually knows what they're doing....for me it would be holistic psychiatrist Kelly Brogan (here she is on depression and low B12: https://kellybroganmd.com/cure-depression-with-a-vitamin/). Her practice is about an hour from where I live; I've heard she's very expensive to work with, but it's comforting knowing I could contact her if I had to, as she fully supports patients who want to stay off antidepressants. I wonder if there's anyone similar near you?

 

I am so sorry about your mom. You are definitely not alone - my mom is verbally abusive so I have to limit contact with her. I felt very alone until, through my AA meetings, I met new friends with similar stories. It is really draining to deal with being a parent when you don't yourself have a comforting parent to rely on - and especially in your case, where your relationship was good, and now you have to respond to your mother being ill with dementia. That is a lot on your plate. I think you totally need and deserve support, and you will have good ideas for how to get it! 

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother. I am glad that AA is giving you a refuge. We all need a place like that. 

 

On 7/24/2018 at 2:01 AM, Poulesportive said:

One final note, in my experience husbands are not particularly helpful on these issues - I found that getting support from other women who had been in my situation - plus my lactation consultant - was the most helpful to me when my daughter was an infant. My family and husband simply couldn't help; they didn't understand my situation well enough. But I found those who did. And you will too!  Wishing you good sleep! 

I wish you the best also. 

 

Although the baby is sleeping much better now, I get bouts of anxiety from time to time that make me panic. It is getting better but I don't know if it is an ongoing trend or just something temporary. May we all eventually find some comfort and peace. 

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Poulesportive

Hi Pluto! I have not been on this site in weeks; I made some mistakes counting beads one week in August and have been dealing with out of control anxiety ever since. Nothing I did to try to quiet my nervous system was working. I got trained in transcendental meditation (TM) - which is a very thorough and also expensive training over multiple days, and it absolutely helps to do TM twice a day but my insomnia and anxiety was still raging.

 

Yesterday I tripled the amount of magnesium I normally take, did meditation and went to bed. This morning was the first time in weeks that I did not wake up in a panic. 

 

Was it the magnesium? Or is the anxiety just waning for no reason. It is so frustrating. I feel powerless. I am SO glad your anxiety is getting better. Are you also having less depression? You sound good! I am so very inspired that you are off meds completely I am still on 98 beads and have held for weeks now due to the anxiety. It is going to take forever to get off of Cymbalta. Glad to hear the baby's sleeping better!

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Pluto
6 hours ago, Poulesportive said:

Hi Pluto! I have not been on this site in weeks; I made some mistakes counting beads one week in August and have been dealing with out of control anxiety ever since. Nothing I did to try to quiet my nervous system was working. I got trained in transcendental meditation (TM) - which is a very thorough and also expensive training over multiple days, and it absolutely helps to do TM twice a day but my insomnia and anxiety was still raging.

 

Yesterday I tripled the amount of magnesium I normally take, did meditation and went to bed. This morning was the first time in weeks that I did not wake up in a panic. 

 

Was it the magnesium? Or is the anxiety just waning for no reason. It is so frustrating. I feel powerless. I am SO glad your anxiety is getting better. Are you also having less depression? You sound good! I am so very inspired that you are off meds completely I am still on 98 beads and have held for weeks now due to the anxiety. It is going to take forever to get off of Cymbalta. Glad to hear the baby's sleeping better!

Hi Poulesportive,

 

I’m so sorry to hear about your anxiety putting you through so much. I’m glad though that it got better. 

 

My anxiety is here. Depression not as much. It is up and down with my anxiety. It feels like the periods between the storms are getting wider. I’m currently in the middle of the storm once again, wondering if I should go back on antidepressants. 🙄 I’m so fed up with this up and down. 

 

It’s going to be two years clean from ADs in 3 months and sure, things have improved but I felt better on them than off them. And I felt better before going on them. That is the worst part. The worst part is that I am suffering more (longer) now than when I first got on ADs. Of course, back then I was having full on panic attacks several times a day and I’m  far from that now. 

 

Anyway, take your time weaning off them slowly. Just know that quitting is only the beginning. After quitting completely, more hardships ensue.  

 

I’m not discouraging you. I’m merely preparing you. So go very slowly. Maybe I weaned off too fast. 🤷🏽‍♀️ good luck. 

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Poulesportive

Hi Pluto! I'm sorry your anxiety is with you. It will go. I think it must be like back pain for people who suffer from that - it comes, it wrecks your quality of life, it leaves - no way to control it. That's how it's been for me anyway. My anxiety is gone now, but I had it for four weeks and it was truly uncomfortable. I think it almost certainly was caused by the week I screwed up my dose three times. The last few days I had it, I started exercising on my treadmill and taking fish oil for the first time.  I also increased the number of magnesium capsules I was taking. Then the anxiety left. Probably a coincidence. My sense is that there are lots of things I do that help marginally, but at the end I'm at the mercy of my CNS.

 

I understand what you're saying about ADs. I think you're equally brave, whether you go back on them or not.  It's just really difficult to cope with anxiety and depression, bottom line. I left a voicemail for the psychiatrist in Manhattan who offers nutrient therapy (Dana Shaw) but she didn't call me back. I might start researching functional medicine docs near me. I want to get tested to see if I have vitamin/mineral deficiencies. My insomnia is ridiculous, and I'd really like to get a solid night's sleep.

 

I'd be less resistant to ADs, probably, if Zoloft had not crashed my digestive system. Now I have a gluten sensitivity and digestive problems, so I'm still really motivated to try basically any means of healing that does not involve prescription drugs. Hoping to get back to TM twice a day but the insomnia really makes that harder to do. 

 

OK writing all this has made me resolve to hit the treadmill tomorrow! The world's slowest taper continues :) Hope you and the baby are sleeping ok these days. 

 

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Poulesportive

Hi Pluto,

 

Just checking in. I really hope you're feeling well. I've had to go back on Paxil (5 mg) to control for chronic daily anxiety and also raging insomnia that got worse through the fall. I also had to updose on the Cymbalta but now I'm tapering off it slowly again. Sigh. I may never get off of meds - maybe because too long on them.

 

On the plus side, I'm thin :) I would not wish an anxiety disorder on anyone on this Earth, but at least I'm not dealing with weight gain too (knock on wood). Wishing you a merry Christmas!

 

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Pluto

On December 25th 2018 marked two years of being drug free.

 

What a momentous occasion it was. I never I would make it but there I was, experiencing Christmas with my 7 month old baby. I was not experiencing any symptoms of anxiety or depression. 

 

For the last few months since giving birth, I have been up and down, in and out of anxiety and depression but not as often as the first year, but just as severe. Well, I came here today to warn you about something I have discovered. 

 

On Friday I had three teeth extracted because since 2014, my mouth went to hell with me, and my teeth suffered. I decided to fix them this year. Well... I don't know, but I can bet, that anaesthesia can trigger major anxiety and depression, depending on what you lean towards. So be careful. It has been two days and I feel like it is 2014, and I keep having shakes and anxiety rumbles (not full out explosions) and needing to lie down and having general weakness. 

 

I had fixed my weakness problems with thyroid medication because I think these drugs affect our hormones, and I was starting to feel like a normal person (except I had not managed to lose any weight), but from yesterday and today, I have been going through the worst! If you are going to use anaesthesia, please let your doctor know that you are predisposed to anxiety and depression or that you are taking medication. I didn't, and who knows, there could have been another option that I could have used?

 

Funnily, this is exactly how I felt after my c-section. Now I know that anaesthesia is a trigger. Of course, an operation is traumatic enough to cause upheaval on its own too. So, before you fo for any routine operation, be aware that you will not just deal with physical pain, but psychological one too. Therefore, plan ahead, get help to look after your kids, plan some leave off work, etc. 

 

Also, has anyone been through this? I am very curious. I am wondering how long this is going to last. My psychologist said that this is expected and that I should give it a few days, but if it gets too bad that I should go to the ER. I can't help but fantasise about a bit of Xanax because that would have calmed my nerves. 

 

Anyway, it has been 2 years and 2 months of being "free" and I am still not out the woods but I see more light through the trees than before, for sure. If it wasn't for doing dental surgeries, I am pretty sure that I would have been fine still. 

 

I hope you're holding up, and taking your magnesium every day. :D 

 

Ciao.

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Gracee

@Pluto, I can't thank you enough for writing.   You are an inspiration and honestly made my day.

HUGS!!!!!!

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Pluto
5 hours ago, Gracee said:

@Pluto, I can't thank you enough for writing.   You are an inspiration and honestly made my day.

HUGS!!!!!!

Aaaawww! I’m glad my post helped. Have a rocking week ahead, or as much rocking as you can under our circumstances. :D

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Pluto
6 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

You might find this topic helpful, especially the "It doesn't end at 0" post:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

Thank you for sharing. Fortunately I quit alcohol completely since before quitting ADs, however it is useful to know that there are periods that we get hit by the darkness. Unless you’re telling me to not get too comfortable with my brighter days, in which case, I have a good amount of cynicism and self-preservation qualities to always be vigilant. It is why I started therapy last year, why I still don’t drink, why I take my vitamins religiously and why I am practicing mindfulness because triggers are everywhere and I must stay ready so that I don’t need to get ready when trouble hits. 

 

When I quit Xanax, I booked myself into rehab with cocain, heroine and alcohol addicts. There I learnt something important, that is, “once an addict, always an addict”. This is so we are never caught slipping. Treat each day of your life as your first day of recovery, keep away from mind altering drugs and behavior that support addiction. I adopted that to my mental health too. I had to. This way, I make sure that I am taken care of holistically. 

 

Anesthesia is an issue though.  Sometimes, like last week, it can not be avoided, so having a support system is of utmost importance, and although I didn’t see it coming, I had measures in place that helped me through it. I had a dip but I already feel a bit better than Saturday. By how it looks, it should take me a week or so to recover from anesthesia and dental trauma. I assume like me, others might go into the dentist without considering its effects and I just wanted to give a friendly warning. 

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MamaCat

Glad to hear you’re doing well! I wanted to comment about anesthesia, I recently had dental work done (root canal, crown) and will still have to go next week again but I’ve felt much worse since than I have the past few weeks. Of course, I also inadvertently skipped a dose of my Effexor so it’s impossible to say but I wouldn’t be surprised that it would cause an increase in symptoms, especially for someone with a sensitive nervous system. May go this last visit without to see (if I can muster up the courage!!)... 🧐

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Gracee
On 2/18/2019 at 12:43 AM, Pluto said:

 

When I quit Xanax, I booked myself into rehab with cocain, heroine and alcohol addicts. There I learnt something important, that is, “once an addict, always an addict”. This is so we are never caught slipping. Treat each day of your life as your first day of recovery, keep away from mind altering drugs and behavior that support addiction. 

 

 

 

^^^^^^^^^ Truer words were never spoken. 

 

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Pluto
On 2/26/2019 at 5:46 PM, MamaCat said:

Glad to hear you’re doing well! I wanted to comment about anesthesia, I recently had dental work done (root canal, crown) and will still have to go next week again but I’ve felt much worse since than I have the past few weeks. Of course, I also inadvertently skipped a dose of my Effexor so it’s impossible to say but I wouldn’t be surprised that it would cause an increase in symptoms, especially for someone with a sensitive nervous system. May go this last visit without to see (if I can muster up the courage!!)... 🧐

 

It's probably the epinephrine that caused it rather than missing just one dose of your Effexor. However, I don't think you should go without anaesthesia when it comes to teeth. That will traumatise you more. There has to be an alternative, although my dentist said there isn't so I will be going through this again next week. I am dreading it so much. It took me 10 days for the anxiety attacks to stop, and even so, I am still not completely good. 

 

Good luck.

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Pluto

Hey. Just an update. I did my tooth implants without epinephrine and the anxiety was non-existent afterwards. It meant there was a tad more pain and a need to replenish anesthesia through the process because it wore off quicker but afterwards I drank some painkillers (600mg ibuprofen) and that dulled the pain immensely. 

 

If you suffer from depression/anxiety (two sides of one coin) please let your dentist know that you can not take a jolt of Adrenalin without triggering your adrenal system and causing havoc to your mental health. 

 

❤️❤️❤️

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bubble

Dental anaesthetic caused horrible anxiety for me too. I also managed to do subsequent interventions without it. Glad that was your case too.

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getofflex

Hello Pluto, I enjoyed reading your story, and am so glad you did not return to AD's during your low times.  I, too, have had suicidal ideation in the past, years ago.  It sounds like you are doing well.  How is the baby?  

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Pluto
On 3/12/2019 at 9:03 PM, getofflex said:

Hello Pluto, I enjoyed reading your story, and am so glad you did not return to AD's during your low times.  I, too, have had suicidal ideation in the past, years ago.  It sounds like you are doing well.  How is the baby?  

Hey there. I am just seeing this now! 
 

well, everything is well. It keeps on getting better and better. My baby girl is the best thing in the world, a lively and curious child with a wonderful sense of humour. It will be 3 years off ADs in Dec and I am so grateful. I get some down days, especially when I am hormonal every month, but at least I know that these will only last a day or two and go away. Otherwise, all is well. 
 

I did see a therapist to help with methods of coping and that helped a lot. He did BWRT with me and it seemed to do the trick. 
 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and good luck with the journey. 

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getofflex

I'm thrilled to hear you are doing well! I'm weaning off Escitalopram myself.  

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Katy398

Hi Pluto,

This is such an inspirational story, particularly for a fellow Lexapro FT /CT member. I’m so glad you are enjoying life with your little girl It’s such wonderful news. I’m only 10 months in, drug free. I have a long way to go but I will keep reading your post during waves for encouragement. Thank you for writing it all down. 

Enjoy your life to the full and I’ll be thinking of your anniversary on Christmas Day!!!

Take care Kx

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Altostrata

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

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Armorall

Wonderful update! Great to hear. What is  BWRT? 

Nevermind, I looked it up : )

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