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Riina: Reinstatement didn't work - what to do?


Riina

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My name is Riina, im 35years. Im sorry my english isnt that good, hope it dont matter, i really need help!

I have been on citalopram for 17 years. First started it because of social anxiety and it helped. Tried to come of few times too fast because i didnt  know any better. Panic attacs ect.

 

This time i thought i took it slow enough, maby a year from 10mg to 0. First i was doing ok, but at 2.5months off started depersonalization and massive anxiety. I started citalopram again on 2.5mg and went up to 10mg, got myself hospitalized for beeing  in acathisia and terror and in fear of killing myself. Got polydrugged (10 different drugs!), needless to say it made me only worse. 

 

Its  been living hell now for 4months. I have akathisia and very bad anxiety and nobody knows what to do. I am now on triptyl 3mg (started in hospital first 25mg, slowly coming down) and citalopram 2.5mg (came down fast because it was so bad)

 

First things seemed to get little better when i dropped down dosages but then it got  bad again. I dont  know what to do,  I cant  take this. I know i have been kindled. Should i just CT again or just keep weaning of.  If  the drug is only hurting me why go slow? Any opinions? I really appreciate all answers. Please  help!

 

 

Edited by scallywag
insert paragraph breaks for readability; add bold to doses

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Riina -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)

 

I'm sorry to read that your year-long taper off citalopram sent you into depersonalization/derealization 2.5 months after stopping the drug entirely.  You may have learned a very important lesson -- you need to decrease dose very, very slowly in the future. And TEN MEDICATIONS while in hospital!!!!!! That's outrageous.

 

We suggest that people taper by decreasing no more than 10% and by decreasing no more often than once per month.  Going from 10 mg to 0 in one year is somewhat faster than that. Many people find they have to go more slowly.

 

Thanks for posting your information.   A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly?

  • Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Your difficulties started when you decreased citalopram; I'm guessing that your last dose was last spring or summer. June or July? All the changes in medications made in the last year have destabilized your CNS (central nervous system). Making more changes will only make your current symptoms worse and risks creating new symptoms. The best state to be in before decreasing doses is to have stable symptoms -- no sudden changes -- or no symptoms.

 

It's not the drug that's hurting you it's the fact that your CNS (central nervous system) was used to having citalopram for 18 years.  Your CNS made changes when you started taking the medication.  Now it's trying to undo those changes.  Here are links to a few  explanations:

Youtube video, 4 minutes: Healing from antidepressants

A recent post by another moderator, brassmonkey, talking about slowly decreasing his dose of paroxetine (Paxil):

1 hour ago, brassmonkey said:

The serotonin receptors are just a small part of what is affected by these drugs.  They essentially cause trouble with every system in the body which is why they are so difficult to get off of.  A drop from 40 to 20 might be fine for the serotonin receptors, but how it affects the endocrine system, the CNS, the autonomic nervous system, the hormonal balance and a whole slue of things is part of the problem.  Also all those systems are interrelated so if you throw off one or them you throw off all the rest.  Even the manufacturers don't really understand how they work or what they do to a person. These drugs are straight out of a sci-fi horror film with what they do to the mind and body.  The other problem is that everyone reacts differently to them so you might get away with the drop to 20mg and have the affects only last a few months.  Experience has shown that this in not the case. 

 

For example I have several "taper buddies" who CTed 20mg, 30mg and 40mg at the same time I started my 10% taper.  That was six years ago.  I'm 95% recovered and getting on with my life, they are all still suffering pretty much acute WD on a daily basis.  Another friend CTed 60mg severall years before I started and is still having major problems.

 

As I mentioned above, I'm about 95% back to normal.  It's actually hard to put a number on it because things keep clearing up and changing in ways that I didn't even know were being affected.  Recovery doesn't end with jumping to "0". It's actually just getting going.  There is a lot less information available for the post "0" period so it's pretty much uncharted waters.  There are several predicted bad waves that are pretty common, I had one a month or so ago and face the good possibility of another in a few months from now.  There are some mental clarity issues that are ongoing but improving.  Having been drugged for well over 20 years is making handling emotions a challenge as they've been pretty much nonexistent for a very long time.  All on all things are the best that they've been in many years.

 

Things will improve for you but you must be patient.  I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Hi Riina,   I am so sorry you are suffering. I can relate to your story so deeply.  I was also polydrugged in hospital and have suffered citalopram w/d (many others).  Many others on SA have also experienced this.  You have found a place of support and resources which will make this hell more bearable. You have my support. K

  • Citalopram 20mg - 40mg ~ approx 2010 - October 2015 (stopped over one week)
  • Parnate  20mg - 50mg and olazapine 5mg ~ Jan 2016 - May 2016 (ceased over 2 days) 
  • Lithium 450mg-900 mg and Thyroxin ~May 2016 - May 2017
  • Diazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ 2015 - 2017
  • Oxazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ May 2016 - June 2016
  • Lurasidone 20mg ~Mid May 2016 - Mid June 2016
  • Vortioxetine 10mg - 20mg ~ 6th June 2016 - 20th July 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Amitriptyline 200mg ~July 2016 - September 2016 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Nortriptyline  (dose ?) ~October 2016 ~ November 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Seroquel XR 100mg - 300mg ~ May 2016 - August 2017 (ceased over 3 weeks)
  • Escitalopram 10mg - 30mg ~ August 2016 - March 2017 (ceased over 2 weeks)
  • Bupropion 300mg ~ December 2016 - May 2017 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Clonazepam 1.5mg daily ~ July 2016 (started tapering May 2017 - September 2017 currently on 0.375mg..ie 0.125mg TDS) 27th May 2018 5% 0.357mg (possible paradoxical reaction - see benzo thread)  28th June 5% 0.337mg, 28th July 10% 0.303mg, 12th September10% 0.272mg, 18th September reinstated 10% due to intolerable WD 0.303mg, 1st October-11th Oct 10% (1% reduction over 10 days) 0.272mg, 22nd October clonazepam ceased crossed over 10mg diazepam
  •  Dexamphatamine 20mg ~ December 2016 (started tapering October 2017 - tapered 1.25mg 4th Dec 2017, 1.25mg 19th Dec 2017 6.25mg, Speed up decrease due to major interaction between Dex and fluoxetine- ref to thread 10% 17th Feb 2018 5.63mg, 10% 21st Feb 2018 5.1mg, 10% 26th Feb 2018 4.5mg 10% 28th Feb 4.1mg, 10% 1st March 3.7mg, 10% 5th March 3.3mg, 10% 8th March 3mg, 10% 10th March 2.7mg, 10% 12th March 2.4mg, 10% 14th March 2.16mg, 10% 16th March 1.94mg, 10% 18th March 1.74mg, 10% 20th March 1.57mg, 10% 21st March 1.41mg, 10% 22nd March 1.26mg, 10% 23rd March 1.13mg, 10% 24th March 1.01mg, 10% 25th March 0.9mg, 10% 27th March 0.81mg, 10% 29th March 0.73mg, 10% 31st March 0.66mg, 10% 2nd April 0.59mg , 10% 4th April 0.53mg, 10% 6th April 0.47mg, 10% 8th April 0.42mg, 10%10th April 0.37mg, 11th April 0.2mg, 12th April 0.1mg (last dose) OFF! 
  • Fluoxetine 40mg ~December 2016 - 31 Jan 2018 reduced to 20mg (probable serotonin toxicity) 10th March 2020 10mg, 7th April 9mg, 1st May 8.5mg, 15th May 8.0mg, 27th May 7.5mg, 8th Sept 7.2mg, 2nd Oct 7mg, 19th Oct 6.8mg, 28th Oct 6.6mg, 5th Nov 6.4mg, 26th Nov 6mg, 2nd April 2021 5.9mg, 9th April 5.8mg, 19th April 5.75mg, 22nd April 5.7mg, 26th April 5.65mg,28th April 5.6mg, 1st May 5.5mg, 4th May 5.45mg, 7th May 5.4mg, 10th May 5.35mg, 12th May 5.3mg, 15th May 5.25mg, 18th May 5.2mg, 20th May 5.15mg, 22nd May 5mg, 10th July 4.5mg, 9th Aug 4.48mg (switched from syringe to pipette method), 12th Aug 4.46mg, 14th Aug 4.4mg, 18th Aug 4.38mg, 19th Aug 4.36mg, 20th Aug 4.34, 21st 4.32mg, 22nd 4.3mg, 23rd Aug 4mg (hold), (micro-taper) 12th Oct 2021 3.98mg, 14th Oct 3.96mg, 15th Oct 3.94mg, 16th Oct 3.92mg, 17th Oct 3.9mg, 18th Oct 3.88mg, 19th Oct 3.86mg, 21st Oct 3.84mg, 22nd Oct 3.82mg, 23rd Oct 3.8mg, 24th Oct 3.78mg, 25th Oct 3.76mg, 26th Oct 3.74mg, 27th Oct 3.72mg, (WD reached intolerable level, reinstated 0.06mg) 28th Oct 3.8mg, 7th March 2022 3.7mg, 21st March 3.6mg, 4th April 3.5mg, 18th April 3.4mg, 2nd May 3.3mg, 16th May 3.2mg, 20th June 3.1mg, 4th July 3mg, 18th July 2.9mg, 12th September 2.7mg
  • Diazepam 10mg ~ 22nd Oct 2018, 10th November 8mg, 14th Nov 7mg, 8th December 6mg, 30th December 5mg (Nocte), 7th March 2019 4.5mg,14th March 4mg, 5th April 3.5mg, 9th April 3mg, 18th April 2.5mg,1st May 2mg, 17th May 1.75mg, 25th May 1.6mg, 4th June 1.59mg, 5th June 1.58mg, 6th June 1.57mg, 7th June 1.56mg, 8th June 1.55mg, 22nd June 1.4mg, 4th July 1.2mg, 16th July 1mg, 30th July 0.8mg, 13th Aug 0.6mg, 28th Aug 0.4mg, 10th Sept 0.2mg, 23rd Sept Off! 
  • SR Circadin 2mg (melatonin) 25th May - 20th June 
  • Zolpidem 10mg 25th May (7 tablets)
  • Supplements: Magnesium glycinate (soluble - sip throughout the day) 

 

"Whenever you feel yourself doubting how far you can go,  just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome"    Unknown 

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2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg

 

2016 Autumn started redusing to 7,5 to 5mg

2017 Spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg

Got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

 

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

 

September-october 2017

Tenox, Temesta, Opamox(all benzos) 2months every day different dosages

 

Risperdal, seroquel, zyprexa, fluanxol, valdoxan, klorproman (different combos from days to weeks)

 

Lyrica 50mg

 

2017 early october started Triptyl 25mg

Early November reduced to 12,5mg

Late  November to early January 2018 tapered down to 3mg

 

At the moment (early january 2018)

Triptyl 3mg

Citalopram 2,25mg

Stopped everything else during october-november 2017

Edited by scallywag
delete blank quote box

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks for creating a signature with a detailed medication history.

 

Did you get a chance to read the links I posted about tapering slowly? What questions do you have about tapering by 10% or less each month?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Thanks for replying, im so gratefull for your support!

 

I have read about tapering slowly,  only did it too late, after i had tapered quickly and started again on too high dose. I really beleave all that, thats the way to go but i did it all wrong...  I think i have read everything possible how to make this disapear but there is no way to do it... I did what doctors told me to do, but on lower dosages, they even suggested me to go up Citalopram 20mg because i was feeling so sick. I had acathisia wich i didnt understand and neither did they.  I am so pissed off because i didnt know any better and now my life is ruin. This is just so wrong and horrible...

 

So you think that i should try to reinstate in these dosages citalopram 2.5 and triptyl 3mg? Are you sure?

 

im not sure because when i started citalopram i started citalopram things went even worse... so now i think that maby things could be better if i taper more quickly. I dont know how could i wait when i feel like this. I cannot be alone. I had to move to my parents because my husband is working and i am too afraid, i wake up in panic, feel like screaming all the time, all these horrible feelings, i think you know. Im thinking suicide all the time because im so desperate. Im sorry for telling all this but i want to tell someone who might understand. My family dont really understand, how could they, this is so unhumane..

 

Do you think it is possible to reinstate in this point when i have done all the kindling? Has anyone ever survived after kindling so bad? do i have any hope to come out of this before 6 years or so, i dont want to do this....

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

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12 hours ago, Kristine said:

Hi Riina,   I am so sorry you are suffering. I can relate to your story so deeply.  I was also polydrugged in hospital and have suffered citalopram w/d (many others).  Many others on SA have also experienced this.  You have found a place of support and resources which will make this hell more bearable. You have my support. K

Hello Kristine. Thank you for your support. And im also sorry for your struggle. I thought that maby here someone could give me advice what to do...

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment
44 minutes ago, scallywag said:

Thanks for creating a signature with a detailed medication history.

 

Did you get a chance to read the links I posted about tapering slowly? What questions do you have about tapering by 10% or less each month?

Thanks for replying, im so gratefull for your support!

 

I have read about tapering slowly,  only did it too late, after i had tapered quickly and started again on too high dose. I really beleave all that, thats the way to go but i did it all wrong...  I think i have read everything possible how to make this disapear but there is no way to do it... I did what doctors told me to do, but on lower dosages, they even suggested me to go up Citalopram 20mg because i was feeling so sick. I had acathisia wich i didnt understand and neither did they.  I am so pissed off because i didnt know any better and now my life is ruin. This is just so wrong and horrible...

 

So you think that i should try to reinstate in these dosages citalopram 2.5 and triptyl 3mg? Are you sure?

 

im not sure because when i started citalopram i started citalopram things went even worse... so now i think that maby things could be better if i taper more quickly. I dont know how could i wait when i feel like this. I cannot be alone. I had to move to my parents because my husband is working and i am too afraid, i wake up in panic, feel like screaming all the time, all these horrible feelings, i think you know. Im thinking suicide all the time because im so desperate. Im sorry for telling all this but i want to tell someone who might understand. My family dont really understand, how could they, this is so unhumane..

 

Do you think it is possible to reinstate in this point when i have done all the kindling? Has anyone ever survived after kindling so bad? do i have any hope to come out of this before 6 years or so, i dont want to do this....

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Riina, I'm sorry for asking these questions repeatedly but I don't understand what you're posting.

 

What is your current dose of triptyl?

 

What is your current dose of citalopram?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
1 minute ago, scallywag said:

Riina, I'm sorry for asking these questions repeatedly but I don't understand what you're posting.

 

What is your current dose of triptyl?

 

What is your current dose of citalopram?

Triptyl 3mg

Citalopram 2,25mg

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment
Just now, Riina said:

Triptyl 3mg

Citalopram 2,25mg

im sorry if i am beeing incorrect, i understand english but writing/speaking it its sometimes difficult... i dont find the right words maby...

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Your understanding of English and writing ability in English are fine.  You can be proud of how you're doing, not sorry! ((((hugs))))

 

Looking at your signature I see that you've been taking 2,25 mg citalopram since Dec. 27. You took 7,5 mg for 3 weeks in September then were taking 10 mg in October for weeks. By early November you were down to 2,5 mg. That's many changes and a large decrease of 75% in citalopram over a short period of time. 

 

You also made big changes with triptyl during the same time, going down from 25 mg to 3 mg, almost decreasing by 95%.

 

It's the number of changes that is the source of your symptoms, not the dose. What are your symptoms right now?  Please keep notes on paper of your symptoms and the times of your dose(s). This post has a useful format for a daily log:

Take notes of doses and symptoms.

 

We'll do our best help you determine the best next step.  Please continue to be patient.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
27 minutes ago, scallywag said:

Your understanding of English and writing ability in English are fine.  You can be proud of how you're doing, not sorry! ((((hugs))))

 

Looking at your signature I see that you've been taking 2,25 mg citalopram since Dec. 27. You took 7,5 mg for 3 weeks in September then were taking 10 mg in October for weeks. By early November you were down to 2,5 mg. That's many changes and a large decrease of 75% in citalopram over a short period of time. 

 

You also made big changes with triptyl during the same time, going down from 25 mg to 3 mg, almost decreasing by 95%.

 

It's the number of changes that is the source of your symptoms, not the dose. What are your symptoms right now?  Please keep notes on paper of your symptoms and the times of your dose(s). This post has a useful format for a daily log:

Take notes of doses and symptoms.

 

We'll do our best help you determine the best next step.  Please continue to be patient.

During last week i have had very bad anxiety, feeling of fear in the body, feelings of terrible inner tension, pains and crawling sensations in the chest area, troubles breathing, shakiness, weekness, "inner moving and twisting, coming out of body, weird" muscle twerking, weird thought things almost like the words "puff out", depression of course. Not feeling connected to anyone  or anything.

 

I cannot concentrate on anything, not even watch TV. If i try to concentrate in conversation, it might get me more anxious. I cannot tolerate anything. Doing nothing is horrible, just beeing with your symptoms and thoughts and suffer. I cannot relax... im trying sometimes tho.  Im so worried because of all this and my "own" anxiety is making things far more worse but i cannot stop before something convinses me that i will recover... Im taking walks ones or twice a day and thats it, thats my life. I cannot do sport my body feels too weird and with this anxiety, how..

 

Its been worse also, not having total DP/DR, total stupor/numbness, constant terror, i can eat, im sleeping better, for weeks it was like 2 hours a night, one point i was supersensitive to lights and noises---but unbearable still---

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment

If anyone is reading this...

I know i have made stupid rapid moves with the medications and now things are bad. I guess im wondering again, is this the right way to go or should i maby updose something? I believe i know the aswer and its no..

 

I remembered that i have been taking triptyl before, three years ago for almost a year(for pains and sleeping issues caused by citalopram ct, wich i didnt understand back then). Then there was no broblems to stop it. So could it be that triptyl is is also messing me up? Yes.

 

Lyrica was also bad to come off, i took it 2months top, i was sweating and shivering, had upset stomac big time for few days. That wd is done, right?

 

Now i also took benzos for 2months and ct:t that. But if it were benzos maby i would be more sick fysically? What do you think? I havent been vomiting or really beein sick that way.. and i didnt get massivly worse right away, its a good sign, right?

 

I know that there is no right aswers now but i really need someone to tell me that i will stabilize or give me any hope... im so afraid of tomorrow, the morning anxiety horror..

 

I guess im asking that am i suffering for nothing? What if i dont stabilize or show any progress that way in weeks, when to do some moves?

 

Feel the need to write..

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

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These mornings arevso awfull... is it because of cortisol levels or because my body is graving citalopram? Maby if i split citalopram dosage in two and take it also at night? I have adrenal rushes shakines and heartpalpitations, first more rarely then more often...

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment

Hi Riina. I also have akathisia-like symptoms. Sometimes it's the more typical need to pace around and scratch deep into my body, but sometimes I have severe inner tension. Unease. Like I need to "come down" from something but can't. 

 

I hope someone gets back to you with your med question...I don't have much experience. 

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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Yes, inner pressure, horrible tension... and the feeling is mainly in my chest and back so walking dont really help. But when it gets bad its in my stomack and other leg, weird. I ask people to rub/pet? my back all the time... its so hard to BE

Hope itll settle for you!

 

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment
  • Moderator

Hi Riina-- Scally had some very good information for you just a couple of days ago.  All the changes you made in the fall have destabilized you and are causing the horrible symptoms you're experiencing.  Now that you've settled on one dose amount it is going to take some time for your body to work things out and stabilize.  Please try to relax and not panic, things will settle down and get better.  You indicated in your recent post that you had written a "last letter" to everyone you care for.  If you are planning to harm yourself in any way please call your local help line and get some face to face help.  We will be able to help you with the drug problems, but only if you are still here to be helped.  Please seek assistance so things can get better.

 

Brassmonkey

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment

Thank you Brassmonkey.

I was just wondering that if i go to see doctor or got put up in hospital what is that i want... maby what benzo and on what dosage or trying to swich antidepressant to some other... i know thats what they woud suggest. Im sorry for beeing this unpatient but its been over four months of hell and im loosing my own mind. I really appreciate you guys trying to help me.

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment

Riina how are you?

Cold turkeyed risperidone (1m.g)and trihexyphenidyl combination drug out of ignorance,In August 2016 after one month use.

Withdrawal symptoms settled at dreamful,disturbing sleep.

Thus introduced to olanzapine for sleep.Started using olanzapine out of ignorance.

Tapering olanzapine 10 m.g from February 2017.

May 2018 :Still suffering dreams,Still tapering olanzapine at 0.625.100ml water+2.5 mg olanzapine. June 2018 22.5ml=0.57mg.July 2018 20ml,August 2018-17.5ml,September 2018-15ml,October 2018 10 ml,December 2018 7 ml, BrassMonkey slide method so far at lower doses.2 nd December cold turkeyed , only to reach minure doses as reinstatement to cutshort endless tapering process.4rth December started 1ml.

Almost no symptoms and sleep is better,So started 0.5 ml from 17-12-2018.

"0"from31-12-18.Re birth happened from 10- 2020,as rejuvenation took whole2019.Completely recovered now.

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  • Moderator

The thing is that going to a doctor is just going to get you more drugs or switched onto a different drug.  Both of which won't really help the situation, and will probably make it worse.  Right now your body needs to sort out all the changes that were made a few months ago and figure out how to adapt to them.  That is going to take some time.  How much time we can't tell, but it frequently ends up being several months.  Learning patience is one of the hardest parts of getting off of these drugs, it's a long, slow and frustrating process, but it does work.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment

Rupa im not sure how to cope.. i read your storie and im sorry that you are having hard time too.. i also have weird experiences with my sleep. I fall a sleep maby 03-04am, then wake up with panic/anxiety at 8am, then having these weird dreams "while awake" its scary and confusing, "waking" up like every five minuts in anxiety and having another dream before i even notice. My brains are messed up. Hope you feel better soon!

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment

Brassmonkey, i know that new drugs could be making things more worse and complicated. But im almost willing to try benzos.. im fearing the fear and anxiety, i dont even believe that i could regocnice "window" if i had one. My "own" anxiety is so high. Im too afraid to be alone, i am living with my husband, then with my auntie, now im at my mothers. Everyone is tired and dont really beleave this medicine thing, sometimes im also questioning it myself, am i making this to myself. I know im adding my suffering beeing so scared and desperate.. thank you for saying these things, i know its long waiting without quarantees, so frightening...

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment

Riina,

 

I had the same unbearable inner turmoil (what I call Akathisia of the mind) you are having now.  It went away.  I now feel only a small amount of that feeling and only in the first part of the day.  I can live with it, and I know it will cease someday.  I had the morning cortisol every day and then the inner turmoil all day.  Now, the morning cortisol spikes are rare, and when they do occur they are mild.  

 

You do have a life ahead of you.  Please remember that.  You will feel calm again even happy again.  I do.  Please hold on.  

 

I believe that I am healing because I did not take a new prescription, and I stopped the prescription for Trazodone that I was given after I started WD.  I hope you can do the same by tapering carefully.

 

Peace,

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Riina: Reinstatement didn't work - what to do?

Thank you, Rosetta. Its so unbearable.. Glad to hear that you are doing better😊 My akathisia and panic symptons were gone for weeks(had anxiety and depression, but not this crazy) and now i have been suffering big time over a month.. no any signs of improving yet.. 

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment

I still cant believe im going thrue this. Its so sad that we have to struggle, Im so sorry for all of us. I really want to get this over with. Its night and im wide awake, as always, i feel much more calm at nights so this is good time for me to write.

 

I went to see a doctor(shrink) today to get more sick leave(?). This was new doctor and i felt like she didnt believe me at all when i told her some of my symptoms and that im sure it is because of all drugs i have been taking. She asked me if im willing to try some other drug. No thanks. I dont even know if there was any drug that i havent try.

 

Im so unpatient to do some moves. I know its been only 3 weeks when i have made the last change. I just feel like im allready in full w/d and i dont believe that im going to stabilize. I have made so big changes that i dont know if my body/brain would even notice if i do something. I guess im worried that i hold for months and then have to do the taper with horible symptoms anyway. Or even worse that my body is getting somehow even more sensitive and wont tolerate even small cuts without full panic.

 

Im also worried that these meds are making me anxious and having akathisia. I had adverse reaction when i got back on. And all the other meds i tried (benzos + lyrica CT's and others). Just worried sick.

 

Hope we all get better soon!

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

Link to comment

Update: i feel like im going worse. My constant anxiety is turning to a panic mode. I was waking up with anxiety now im waking up with heart pounding and panic coming over and over. I was able to take walks and go to market quickly but now my heart beats so fast that walking is hard and when i went to market i almost had panic attack and im still panicking. Before i was more calm at nights but now those little breaks are gone. Why am i going worse?

 

New symptoms:

Neadles and pins all over body

Airhunger, few nights i up like i couldnt breathe

Raging out of desperation, im really screaming and thats not typical me, never was

Weird nunbness in my genitalareas coming and going

 

Symptoms were gone and came back:

Palpitations and heart rate gone up

Sleeping is going worse

Panic attacs in mornings, panic feeling all day long

 

 

Im having an argue every other day with my family because they dont understand, they want me to do do do and im trying to explaine that i cannot and then we have a fight. And thats making me worse. But i cannot be left alone because im in fear and panic all the time...

 

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

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Hi Riina

 

i was reading your posts.  i have the same problems with my family.   i am constantly telling my parents how badly i am doing but they do not understand.  in fact, they forget what i tell them within a day or two.  i will call my mother who lives nearby to ask for a ride to the doctor (i don't drive) because i am too weak to get there on my own and my mother will ask me "what's wrong?"  even though i have told her dozens of times before about my sleep and digestive issues from withdrawal.     i tell my father how bad my sleep is and he will always will say he didn't get much sleep the night before either, but then, if he is tired and needs to catch up on sleep he just lays down and takes a nap and feels better, which i cannot do in wd.  i don't think people like to know that others are suffering.  it makes them feel guilty or something.  

 

Several months ago, i had lost internet service for a couple days and needed to order some peppermint oil pills online that i have been taking for digestive problems.  i texted my younger brother, who lives in town and works in computers as an IT specialist, to see if he could order the pills for me and i could send him  a check.  i got a text back from him saying "have you found a job yet?"  and later, when i asked him why he was giving me a difficult time,  i got another text saying " because you are always asking for help.  you never do anything for yourself."  it's frustrating.  i feel bad enough from what this bad sleep is doing to me, but to have to constantly explain my condition to family members who don't understand  makes the situation even more difficult and exhausting.    Considering how badly i feel most days, it's probably more likely i will be in the grave before i have a job again!!!!!

 

Another time, someone who lives in my apartment building put an anonymous note under my door.  it said, "have you ever thought about finding work?"  it was from someone who must have seen me around the apartment.  i can remember that it was during a stretch of days where i would be stumbling into walls from fatigue and swaying back and forth due to exhaustion when i walked.  it's like, if there were people in a hospital suffering from radiation poisoning and normal, healthy job recruiters would come on to the ward and see if people wanted to get back to work.  it's ridiculous. 

 

One day, i had forgotten some clothes in the dryer of the laundry room of my apartment.  i had started to do the laundry and then had collapsed from exhaustion on my couch with the clothes still in the dryer.  i was too weak to get off the couch and passed out.  i slept for a while and forgot about the clothes in the dryer.  later that evening i remembered the clothes and went to get them.  i had left the clothes in the dryer for 10 hours or so.  i was feeling horrible.  my bowels were shutting down due to the depression of poor sleep for so long.  i am always constipated and bloated and  i feel like death.    when i got to the laundry room to get my clothes, someone in my apartment had left a note on the dryer saying "you are so rude to take up the dryer all day with your clothes. "  i understood how this person could be upset, but i was feeling so ill, it was like another blow.  

 

i actually do work when i feel well enough- i go out to golf courses on my bike in the spring and fall and hunt golf balls in the weeds and sell them online for extra money.  i like the work and i can go on the days where i feel well enough.    it's about all i can do considering how badly i am doing health wise.  Anyways, i hope your symptoms start improving soon and you start to feel better.

 

Derek

 

Court committed to take Prozac, Paxci, and Respiradol from 8/95 to 3/96.   developed severe akithisia and brain damage.  Was unable to speak and walking in circles 15 hours a day.  Went in for 5 sessions of ECT during a 10 day period in March of '96 and my forced medication was discontinued at that time.  My akithisia and brain damage cleared up within a few days of stopping the meds.

 

On Zoloft (200 mg) and Zyprexa (17.5 mg) March 1998- Feb 2014

In between was placed on Effexor 200 mg and Abilify for six months in 2004.  Developed mild akithisia which went away once I stopped the Abilify.  Developed severe GI issues in Dec 2001 and from that time on suffered from fatigue and hypersomnia where I would sleep between 12 and 20 hours a day and rarely ever left my apartment. 

 

Had tapered to 100 mg of Zoloft and 7.5 mg of Zyprexa at the time of going cold turkey Feb. 2014

Went 5 days without sleep at the beginning while vomiting all over my apt.  Had brain zaps for a number of weeks and also lightheadedness which both eventually went away.  However 2 1/2 yrs later I still struggle with insomnia, depression, and fatigue.

 

 

 

 

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Hi riina...

 

just stopping by to say hello,am so truly sorry for what your going through...

 

please please stay far away from the benzos.I was CT off two medications & was given a benzo...That’s when all hell broke loose.The mods will advise you on what’s your best plan of action.But I would not want to see some body come down the benzo road.

 

take care & you will be ok ❤️

Xxxx

Binge drinker thru out my life 17/37,recreational use of street drugs 17-30. Numerous AD from age 23 upwards

Matazpine 30mg 2007-2012

Paxil an zopiclone 2012-2016

Taken off Paxil in four weeks in janurary 2016

Given diazepam 2-4 feb to June 2016

C/t diazepam June (had no idea not too)

Reinstated 8mg of diazepam in July,crossed over to 8mg of diazepam! given 7.5 matazpine.

Nov 2016 at 5 mg of diazepam

Given Olanzpine 2.5 November 28th-stopped

paxil 1mg 3rd of dec -stopped

Started liquid diazpam 10th of jan.alchol free 13month

February 2018 - reduced to 4 mg diazepam and 7.5 mg mirtazapine

November 2018 - tried 2% diazepam reduction - updosed back to 4 mg after one week

 

 

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7 hours ago, Riina said:

Update: i feel like im going worse. My constant anxiety is turning to a panic mode. I was waking up with anxiety now im waking up with heart pounding and panic coming over and over. I was able to take walks and go to market quickly but now my heart beats so fast that walking is hard and when i went to market i almost had panic attack and im still panicking. Before i was more calm at nights but now those little breaks are gone. Why am i going worse?

 

New symptoms:

Neadles and pins all over body

Airhunger, few nights i up like i couldnt breathe

Raging out of desperation, im really screaming and thats not typical me, never was

Weird nunbness in my genitalareas coming and going

 

Symptoms were gone and came back:

Palpitations and heart rate gone up

Sleeping is going worse

Panic attacs in mornings, panic feeling all day long

 

 

Im having an argue every other day with my family because they dont understand, they want me to do do do and im trying to explaine that i cannot and then we have a fight. And thats making me worse. But i cannot be left alone because im in fear and panic all the time...

 

 

Your story is much like mine, I have been going up and down on doses and different meds for a year,. It wasn't until December when I took the advice here and stayed consistent that I started to get little windows. Mostly just parts of days where i felt more normal, and even some full days that were pretty good. I can't really advise you, as I am still learning it all, but I recently made a mistake over Christmas, messed with doses and different meds by accident, and am now back in the thick of it. As bad as I have felt this month, the last week or so I have been starting to see those December-like windows poke through (though my last two days have been a struggle). I don't know if an updose would help, or just keeping things stable is the right approach, but don't give up hope, you will heal, it just may take longer than you want.

2008 - October 28th, 2016: Zoloft 50 - 150 mgs, settled on 50mgs from 2011 - 2016.
January 23rd - March 1st 2017: Zoloft 50mgs, direct switch to Lexapro.
March 1st - May 1st 2017: Lexapro 10 mgs, down to 5mgs for a week, then off.
June 1st - July 31st 2017: Paxil 20mgs, Lyrica 600mgs
August 1st - September 30th 2017: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
October 1st  - November 12th 2017: Paxil 60mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
November 12th, 2017 - September 4th 2018: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs 

September 4th - September 27th: Paxil 30mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

September 28th - November 7th: Paxil 20mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs (Also Testosterone Therapy started in June 2018 and ended in November 2018)

November 7th 2018 - February 22nd 2019: Paxil 10mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

February 22nd 2019 - April 17th: Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin 1mgs

April 17th - Now: Zoloft 25mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin .5mgs

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On 19.1.2018 at 10:09 PM, Junglechicken said:

Thanks DaveB. I remember that i have read your story, im so sorry that you are in this mess too. Its nice to hear that you are staring to have little windows, thats a good singn.

 

I havent had any good days in maby 7 weeks. After that i did big drop with other drug triptyl which i started few months ago and had big argument with my husband, that also impacted i think. Now its been one horror. I have been also thinking that maby im having wd from benzos and thats what im afraid also, maby waiting for year or two for that to pass. Its so difficult to not to think about all these scenarios.

 

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

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  • Moderator

Hi Riina,

 

Was the post above from you or Junglechicken?   I can't tell.   I just thought I would stop in and see how you were doing since your last post.......17 hours ago.

 

It looks like you got some of your symptoms down.  Can you try and use the format that scallywag linked for you on January 7th:

 

"Your understanding of English and writing ability in English are fine.  You can be proud of how you're doing, not sorry! ((((hugs))))

 

Looking at your signature I see that you've been taking 2,25 mg citalopram since Dec. 27. You took 7,5 mg for 3 weeks in September then were taking 10 mg in October for weeks. By early November you were down to 2,5 mg. That's many changes and a large decrease of 75% in citalopram over a short period of time. 

 

You also made big changes with triptyl during the same time, going down from 25 mg to 3 mg, almost decreasing by 95%.

 

It's the number of changes that is the source of your symptoms, not the dose. What are your symptoms right now?  Please keep notes on paper of your symptoms and the times of your dose(s). This post has a useful format for a daily log:

Take notes of doses and symptoms.

 

We'll do our best help you determine the best next step.  Please continue to be patient."

 

I've got some Finnish ancestry myself.  So am pleased to meet you and welcome to survivingantidepressants.  I was in a really irritable/crabby phase shortly after I arrived here too.  I was trying to reduce one of my medications/drugs.  And then some of it was due to some of my previous too fast tapers.  It did get better, for me, over time, and with a lot of patience.  Especially with myself at the time.

 

Okay.  Best.

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Thank you mtt for your encouraging words. Sorry it took me so long to reply, i have been sooo anxious, all day all night. Just trying to hold on. Im pretty sure that im suffering from benzo wd also, timing matches... just hoping that i can get some relief in coming months, hopefully in days..

 

Its cold and dark here in finland now, same in my mind. Maby when the spring comes my head brightens up too😉

 

Ps. It was my post

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

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  • Moderator

Hi Riina,

That happened to me as well.  The quote with the wrong name attributed to it.

Does the Triptyl have a generic name?  Check on the bottle perhaps.  Sorry to sound redundant but just to clarify.............you are on just the Triptyl now?  And came off some others, medications/drugs in October?  Are you still on the citalopram as well?  It's a little unclear from your signature.  This is the section below your post. 

 

I think that consistency is going to be in your favor now.  Holding is what we call it.  And it can be difficult.  With all the symptoms you are having.

 

Are you able to read through any of the stuff in symptom control here on site that helps?  How is your understanding of the English Language?   I can try and link you up with some of the stuff here that may help.  It sure did for me to know what was going on a little and then how others managed without medication/drugs.

 

My Dad could still drum up a little of the Finnish language.  He has passed now.    And that's my understanding.........cold, bleak, long winters there.  I wonder what was going on when my ancestors 2 generations ago immigrated here.

 

How are the symptoms today?

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth..........sunshine and warmth included,

mmt

 

Edited by manymoretodays

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Mtt! I missed your post..

Im on Triptyl 3mg (amitriptyline/hydrocloride?) and Citalopram 2,25mg. Its been now about 3months when I CT:t benzos and other drugs which I took for two monts trying to alliviate the symptoms of w/d and reinstatement of citalopram. Wish I didnt. (I use phone so i dont see my sign)

 

I understand english wery well, sometimes i dont get all the words but i manage.

 

Same struggle continues, just hanging on and its wery hard. Im trying to figure what would be the best thing to do, should I just start tapering.. could use advise here? I dont think i have the patience to hold for months..

 

I know I can cope without these poisons, its just the withdrawall that i cannot take😉 I know about coping skills its just that nothing really works.. im too wired all the time. I have been to cognitive behavioral therapy for many years before this and i have also worked in a mental field but thats not really helping now, or maby it is helping but not enough. I feel so doomed for knowing that this will last years, hope that it wont be this bad all the time.. im really scared.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth..........sunshine and warmth included

 

=Rakkautta, rauhaa, paranemista/toipumista ja kasvua... auringonpaistetta ja myös lämpöä, toivoo Riina

2001 started citalopram 40mg

2006 almost CT, almost year without, started again 20-40mg

2015 february CT from 10mg, reinstated 2 weeks later in 10mg 2016 Autumn started redusing from 7,5 to 5mg.  2017 spring  reduced from 5 to 2,5mg, got off from 2,5mg, last dose mind June

2017 beginning of september started 2,5mg, within weeks went up to 7,5mg stayed 3 weeks

2017 beginning of october went up to 10mg stayed for 2 weeks

2017 mid october got  down  to 5mg

2017 November 4th got down to 2,5mg

2017 December 27th got down to 2,25mg

September-october 2017 polydrugged (benzos, neuroleptics, stopped all)

Triptyl from october 2017 started 25mg now 3mg

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  • Moderator

Hi Riina,

 

That's okay as I have also been off for a bit.......vacation and family visit and unable to access the site from my usual desktop.

Thanks for the Finnish translation as well.  :)

So......December 27th, a little more than 6 weeks since you did your last decrease on the citalopram?

And 4 months since you have last decreased your amitryptiline hydrochloride(Triptyl)?

Is this correct?

 

Helpful to us as well will be to get some journaling from you as well.  I see that you did do some with just your symptoms.  Read this next link if you can....... and then try to add in the times that you take your medications and the times that your symptoms are most marked, as illustrated in the last post.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1008-before-you-begin-tapering-what-you-need-to-know/?tab=comments#comment-249388

 

We don't recommend tapering more than one medication/drug at a time.  Usually it is best to taper the more stimulating medication first.

 

Also if you will........do go back to page one here on your introduction/journal and if not done so already.........take a look at the video that brassmonkey linked for you as well.  I don't know if you have traveled around the site much yet.......I encourage you also to take a look at some of the topics in symptoms and self care.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/13492-dealing-with-emotional-spirals/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms

 

I had also had a lot of cognitive therapy before coming here, yet was able to benefit greatly from learning and using some of the approaches here on site.

 

I think I will confer with some of the other moderators as to your question:  Im trying to figure what would be the best thing to do, should I just start tapering.. could use advise here?  The massive poly drugging after your last C/T(coldturkey) was in September and October of 2017.......correct?

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays
additional question

2022 May- continuing with limited activity on site, just something I need to do right now

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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