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Bobo71

Bobo71

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Bobo71

Hello 

 

ive set out my history elsewhere but in summary I am 8 months of Ssris after nearly 6 years of taking the pills - 5.5 years on citalopram and one year on Effexor and then prozac. I discontinued prozac very quickly as it was intolerably stimulating.

 

these last 8 months have been profoundly horrible. I have a host of different symptoms but the mains ones are anxiety, a near constant feeling of weirdness ( depersonalisation I think) and intrusive unpleasant thoughts. I’ve been reading this site for many months and it is a godsend but I’m struggling to cope with the relentless nature of these symptoms. Having read many of the success stories I can see that not much helps apart from time passing. Trouble is I find I’m just wishing my life away  waiting for some improvement. I feel a key approach here is to develop an appropriate mindset or way of looking at the situation but I haven’t been able to come up with anything. How do others see their predicament or is it just the case of putting on a smile and grinding through it. 

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scallywag

Bobo71 -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)

 

It's not clear from your post what your situation is -- are you currently taking medications or have you discontinued them entirely?  My confusion may come from a simple typo -- 8 months of/of.

 

During the registration process you did provide some information about your history with anitdepressants or other psych meds.  That information is confidential and visible only to Altostrata, the site founder and owner.  Would you take a moment to summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly?

  • Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

Many people find helpful tips in this topic: Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

 

This is YOUR introduction topic -- the place for you to ask questions, record symptoms, share your progress, and connect with other members of the SA community.  I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

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Bobo71

Hello all,

 

Throughout this site site there are many references to acceptance as being a key part of recovery.

 

We will all understand what this word means on one level but I’m interested to get people’s views on what in means in the context of recovery.

 

Intellectually it’s easy to say that ‘I accept my situation’ but how do people put that thought into action? For example, it could be to show supreme indifference to the symptoms or a shrug of the shoulders or a some sort of faith based acceptance. 

 

I’m keen to hear as many points of view as possible to see how people put acceptance  into action in their lives.

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Martina23
8 hours ago, Bobo71 said:

Hello all,

 

Throughout this site site there are many references to acceptance as being a key part of recovery.

 

We will all understand what this word means on one level but I’m interested to get people’s views on what in means in the context of recovery.

 

Intellectually it’s easy to say that ‘I accept my situation’ but how do people put that thought into action? For example, it could be to show supreme indifference to the symptoms or a shrug of the shoulders or a some sort of faith based acceptance. 

 

I’m keen to hear as many points of view as possible to see how people put acceptance  into action in their lives.

Hi Bobo, you know, this acceptance, this is something very hard, at least for me.

 

I imagine acceptance so that I accept that I was harmed and try not to beat myself that "if I werent at that hospital, I wouldnt have been poisoned"

 

But normally in the whole withdrawal I had problems to achieve acceptance. Because when you get a horrible intrusive thought for example harm this person or that person, and when it is really strong, you will always get scared. At least on the beginning of withdrawal. Really to accept it is not possible. But later when you have intrusive thoughts maybe for 1 year 24/7, you are just so used to having them, that they dont scare you anymore and authomatically you start to accept them, or accept having them. And in this moment the circle turns and they start to get less.  So artificial acceptance is very hard and I think your body wouldnt even listen to it (mine didnt) but after some time the true natural acceptance comes and the situation starts turning. Or so it was for me. Let it on destiny, how it comes it will be, it is always like that. These artificial things dont help for long. At least for me.

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NobodySpecial

Hey @Bobo71, how do you practice acceptance?

 

How are you working it into your life right now?

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Relentless27

Hey Bobo,

 

you sound EXACTLY like me with the obsession to figure it all out and how to accept perfectly all the time not to mention being fiendishly intelligent :). I'm 6.5 months off prozac and the whole WD thing is certainly a profound level of suffering. I have noticed my "symptoms" change and i think i am starting to see some light. The main things now are "DP/DR" and some pretty heavy despair. I have realized some good news and bad news about all of this, the good news is: I can't figure it out. The bad news is: i cant figure it out. It has occurred to me that i have spent my life trying to change and "manage" the way i feel and i've failed miserably at it. I also try to figure out how to accept all these symptoms perfectly but sometimes i can't, so i just try to accept that. I am firm believer in paying as little attention to unwanted feelings & thoughts as possible as they mean nothing and they are just momentary appearances that inevitably move and change. Ive been experimenting with paying a lot of attention to the symptoms and in turn this website and i notice that those actions add to the  suffering greatly when i overattend to them. Don't get me wrong this website is a lifesaver and i am not able to stay away sometimes but i try to as much as possible and just live as normally as i possibly can. They say that trying to live a normal life during this is the way to go as i know that if i stayed home all day i would be a complete dumpster fire. Any time the thoughts start in my head about all this i try to pause for a minute, notice that i am aware of them and shift my attention or see what comes up next for me to do that doesnt involve dwelling on it (doesn't always work but i'm just looking for singles and doubles at this point). Having said all this it should be noted that i'm no expert and fail miserably at this stuff some of the time but i have noticed improvements and it makes it easier not fighting it and trying to change it (a losing proposition, it's already here).  Anyway, hope you are feeling better and try to not go so far down the rabbithole (advice i will try and take as well). Feel free to inbox me. "This too shall pass"

 

-R
""

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Bobo71

When it comes to acceptance I think there are two things to accept.

 

the first thing is obvious. To accept we are in a spot of bother and life is not very good at the moment. I think I accept that as its hard not to!

 

the other thing to accept is that I’m on a healing journey and I will get better sooner or later. This is something we need to believe and truly accept as well.

 

Today I had an appointment for which I had to drive one hour for. On the way there I was clock watching and stressed that I would be late. I arrived but the journey was very unpleasant because I set a time deadline. On the way back I had no time constraints - I covered the same distance but in a more relaxed manner. This taught me that I need to stop setting time limits on when I will experience a sustained window because it will add to the suffering. I’m not saying anything groundbreaking or novel when I say we need to go with the flow even if we routinely fall in the ditch during the journey. 

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NobodySpecial

I agree with you @Bobo71,

 

I've had a hard time accepting things and have always tried to fit things into a narrow slice of what is okay.

 

I think that this is probably why my issues started in the first place and resulted in my need for ADs.

 

One thing that I found really useful was mindfulness. I see it as relating with whatever is happening with gentleness, attention and compassion - rather than trying to relax or whatever else.

 

Like I'm a guesthouse and each experience of suffering is a different visitor that can be welcomed in and had tea with.

 

I struggle with acceptance and find that it's such a moment to moment practice. It's like a full time job and requires nonstop attention and work.

 

But I guess if we're going to heal then a half-lived life isn't going to cut it :)

 

 

All your anxiety is because of your desire for harmony. Seek disharmony, then you will gain peace.

 

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Bobo71

Thanks to all. There are some good ideas here on acceptance but we all seem to struggle with it to varying degrees since this experience is like no other. Profound grief is the only other experience I think that could compare to it. 

 

This forum is good because it does prove that recovery occurs across a wide group of people - it doesn’t matter what dose you took, for how long or how you came off as recovery comes sooner or later. However,  Incredible levels of patience are needed.

 

what encourages me is that it’s not all about waiting for a full recovery when we are completely back to normal. The first stage of recovery seems to be when you notice that a few symptoms are less intense than they were even though at that point you have a lot of other ghastly symptoms still running at high intensity. Later on, after maybe s couple of months you may have a day of feeling ok. Even though you may then enter a month of misery. But then after that you have say 3 days of feeling good followed by a week of less intense symptoms. Over time you can see some progress that confirms recovery is taking place. The good days and bad days keep coming and you keep moving forward. Perhaps at the 2 year mark or whatever it is, you have a month of feeling ok. Recovery is then building momentum and you feel confidence is returning. It is then a matter of burning through some more time. 

 

The above is my summary of the recovery stories i have read on this forum. Everyone else is somewhere on that time continuum. So we must zoom out from the current moment and take a longer term perspective. If the current moment is horrid then that might be challenging but freeing ourselves from the current thoughts and getting the 10,000ft view of the problem is useful in withdrawl as it is with any problem faced.

 

btw, we need to use this forum correctly. I don’t read the horror stories. Instead I post what I hope are some useful insights which I hope help others but also help me as I write them.

 

 

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Martina23

Bobo, I think what is necessary to mention that the withdrawal is not only bad, it is a great teacher.

 

Because it enables you to check your priorities, put them under proof and find out more about yourself, who you are and who you want to be. And enjoy the most important things which you might never appreciate if you didnt go through such ordeal. And if you find that you want to change your life in some way, you can still do it, because you found through this experience what is important in such an age where you still can change something. If you find that you didnt live on your death bed, you can not change anything. But the withdrawal teaches you everything about yourself now.

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NobodySpecial

How are you going Bobo?

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Bobo71

Manymoretodays

 

you mentioned you went CT. how did you recover ? Did you reinstate or hold out?

 

i CT 10 months ago and am a basket case

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manymoretodays

Hi Bobo71,

 

Perhaps I should clarify.  I never just went from the prescribed medication/drug dosage to just off.  But my tapering was never 10 % or less.......with holds in between.  I was often very ill with W/D for long periods.  My last medication Trileptal/oxcarbazepine was tapered, after some injudicious major updosing on my part.  I've "held out".  Learned and practiced new AND old coping skills.

 

Most of the time I'm functional now to the point of self care and caring for others as well as my home.  Sometimes, I need to take breaks.  Overall, I'm certainly doing better than when medicated for all those years.

 

It was indeed a hard experience, yet I do manage, as well(looking at your signature comments), to accept it all  and do my best to move forward.  I have, by necessity,  had to accept that healing takes a long time.  Yet......I do manage to stay in recovery mode.

 

I hope that answers your question.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

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Bobo71

I wonder if someone could help me. After suffering 9 months of protracted withdrawal I gave up and went back on citalopram - 5mg on 26 jan this year. So it’s been just over 1 month. Unfortunately I’ve got much worse and feel I have some neurological issues with my eyes and brain generally. I have concerns that I have nearly lost my mind. SI is ever present.

 

my options seem bleak. My symptoms now are far worse than could be explained by onset symptoms of starting the drug. If I continue on this trajectory I fear for my life/sanity. I feel I must reduce the drug but then i risk further destabilisation. 

Does anyone have any suggestions?

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manymoretodays
Posted (edited)

Hi Bobo71,

I had wanted to find your introduction/journal since I ran into you over on Lojo's thread.  And did see a couple of posts that you did elsewhere regarding reinstatement or "What to do now?"  Please update your signature as well with any recent changes in medication/drugs.

Try and post here on your journal for best input on your situation, and in the long run it will be beneficial for you as well ...........I think......... to have your journey in one spot.

We generally only give one introduction/journal to each member.  Your other posts were started as introductions.......so have moved that post here.

 

After reading my response to you on Lojo's intro., I thought woah.......that sounds pretty bleak.......as far as where I am at now.  It's not.  I have made tons of progress and improvement.  Also please consider some of the nondrug techniques as well to deal with emotional symptoms.  There is a link above to that area on site from scallywag.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

Posted 4 hours ago

I wonder if someone could help me. After suffering 9 months of protracted withdrawal I gave up and went back on citalopram - 5mg on 26 jan this year. So it’s been just over 1 month. Unfortunately I’ve got much worse and feel I have some neurological issues with my eyes and brain generally. I have concerns that I have nearly lost my mind. SI is ever present.

 

my options seem bleak. My symptoms now are far worse than could be explained by onset symptoms of starting the drug. If I continue on this trajectory I fear for my life/sanity. I feel I must reduce the drug but then i risk further destabilisation. 

Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

 

 

I took citalopram from 1 jan 2011 to the end of 2016nat a dose of 40mg. As citalopram was not working I was advised to take another ssri so I went on Effexor in jan 2017 and stopped citalopram. I was on Effexor, 47.5mg for about 3 months but found it too activating. I stopped effexor in March 2017 and went on 20mg prozac on 1 April 2017. I was on prozac until 6 May 2017 when I stopped because I started having intolerable reactions to it. So I went cold turkey and have been off all Ssris from 6 May 2017 so that is 8 months at this point.

 

I realise my CNS is totally sensitised and is the reason why I have multiple symptoms. I at least understand that and I am trying to accept the symptoms for what they are and trying not to dwell on them too much. But it is very hard and a brutal experience. 

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
highlighted, removed IP address, location in copy/ removed extraneous material huge avatar

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manymoretodays
Posted (edited)

Woah, sorry about that.  I just copied one of your other posts on over to your thread  and it came out huge!  I'll leave you with a couple of additional links that you can read over:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-sy

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1160-how-psychiatric-drugs-remodel-your-brain/

 

I'm hoping that there are no problems with your eyes or brain beyond W/D.  Yet, I would encourage you to get some medical care or assessment at this point. 

 

I couldn't even do a symptom list when I first got here but I'll include one that may help you define some of your symptoms now.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/2390-dr-joseph-glenmullens-withdrawal-symptom-checklist/

 

And I'm wondering Bobo, are your symptoms worse............ since you did the rather massive reinstatement of citalopram then they were prior to that time?

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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ChessieCat

Each member has only 1 Intro topic where they can ask questions about their own situation and journal their progress.  Please do not create any more Intro topics.  Thank you.

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