neroli: is this benzo withdrawal, or other drugs interacting

[Carmie]

Hi Neroli, 

 

I’m really sorry your depression and anxiety have been so bad. It’s quite an up and down journey, isn’t it? Just wanted to pop over and give you a hug🤗

[wantrelief]

Hello my f-i-a:  I read how you've been feeling and wanted to lend some support. I am really sorry you've had such a tough week.  Managing to do your work is quite an accomplishment, especially as you mention it being anxiety-producing.  Oh my friend, I wish I knew why your symptoms have increased; I think our brains naturally search for an answer when things are feeling worse.  I am glad to hear you have had some calm moments midst the storm this week.....I hope the calmer times will increase soon.  I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and hoping today is a better one for you.  💗WR.

[neroli]

6 hours ago, Carmie said:

Just wanted to pop over and give you a hug

Thank you, Carmie, lovely of you to pop over - I know you are having severe brain fog at the moment, so I'm extra-grateful to you for making the effort.

 

hugs back to you

 

xxxx Neroli 💜

[neroli]

2 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I think our brains naturally search for an answer when things are feeling worse.

Hello f-i-a

 

Thank you for your lovely support.  I'm thinking now it's kind of useless to try to figure out the why?, it's just that it is.  I remember when I was on citalopram I got weakness in the legs and fatigue (which I didn't realise at the time was the effect of the drug).   Now, I'm on three potentially fatigue- and weakness-inducing drugs, working out which is affecting me the most is impossible.

 

I'll pop over to your thread sometime - apathy and fatigue has rendered me a little de-motivated to keep up with others.  Sorry.

 

Quite off-topic, I like your use of the semi-colon!  Perhaps that's because I'm in the educational publishing business (always a bit of an editor's eye, although I don't do editing).

 

I hope you are doing ok.

 

xxxxxx

 

Neroli 💜

[Rabe]

Hi Neroli...have been thinking about you so much.  I know it is hard for you not to get to wok, on other hand I am so grateful you are doing what you need to do for you...stay home and relax as best you can so as to move through this.  30 minute walk is really something I think, given what is going on!  

Im sorry about your therapist.  I have-not seen my since the procedure I had and all the ramifications.  I simply cannot deal with that while dealing with this.  She actually is the one who encouraged me to get the procedure though my intuition was saying no.  She said I had to stop being afraid of everything and actually asked my what I was getting out of being a victim?  So I thought..shes right...I have to start trusting again and stop being afraid...welllll wish I had listened to myself this time...and that would have done that few years ago.  Going to start again I hope.  You are good at doing that Neroli...you have a good compass though it may not feel good you know that it is right. As far as:

On 3/6/2019 at 1:37 PM, neroli said:

I just don't want to be told, when I report eg. I'm feeling more depressed, that it's because I haven't accepted my situation and fully committed to living from my core values, when I think I'm doing my best to accept and find ways to cope with work and commuting, work being one of my core values

 

😡 She does not and cannot understand...I dont think anyone who hasn't been through this could...I sure would not have.  However...she must know you as a person and just what I know of you from a distance it is obvious you are doing your very best all the time...thats all you can do Neroli.  And as far as core values...yours are solid and strong...you are so dedicated, conscientious, kind, thoughtful and so much more!!  I am proud and grateful to call you my dear friend Neroli!!!  Take care!!💜

[neroli]

Hello dear Rabe

 

Well, you have shown me such generosity in writing to me and so extensively with all that you are going through.  I'm grateful (and blown away) that you think that I exhibit such values as you describe, I'm almost blushing (got to remember I'm British and we go for understatement!).  But thank you so much - I am truly thankful that you are my friend and such a support.  

 

I get so downhearted when I think I can't see a way out of this situation, and even if there is, it will likely be years of the same. Of course I may be wrong and something akin to a miracle happens.  This last week, though, my legs have got tighter and feel more like concrete, I am experiencing more fatigue and anxiety, and now I am finding my joints are groaning a little more.  I'm guessing that this could be similar for you, you have been through the wringer for a long time.  We must both give ourselves a gold star for endurance.

 

It's funny that you should write about the therapist (I'm beginning to think therapist isn't quite the right word, seeing as I come out feeling worse).  Earlier this afternoon, as I was resting and knitting and feeling calmer, I had written to another person in WD: "I'm also chewing over in my mind if I'm letting my thoughts stop me doing things which I could do if I pushed a little bit more.  I think I'm letting the session with the psychologist play on my mind.  It's a very vulnerable process to have a session with a psychologist and then walk away and wonder if you just aren't trying enough to push past the limits you think you have.  I don't think I really want to go there, there's too much opportunity for me to tell myself I'm not doing good enough."

 

And then you sent your message: 

 

2 hours ago, Rabe said:

sorry about your therapist.  I have-not seen my since the procedure I had and all the ramifications.  I simply cannot deal with that while dealing with this.  She actually is the one who encouraged me to get the procedure though my intuition was saying no.  She said I had to stop being afraid of everything and actually asked my what I was getting out of being a victim?  So I thought..shes right...I have to start trusting again and stop being afraid...welllll wish I had listened to myself this time.

And I thought, hey, hang on a minute here, what did she say? "She said I had to stop being afraid of everything and actually asked my what I was getting out of being a victim?".  This is an example of what I would find so unhelpful, whatever condition one might have.  If one stands back and views that statement as a dispassionate observer, is it helpful to be told to stop being afraid, to be told one is being a victim?  Not in my book.  In fact, it does the opposite of helping by planting the seeds of doubt in oneself in one's mind.  Like you'd walk out of the office and be thinking "I'm being a victim, I'd better shape up".

 

She would have a field day with me:  no, I can't eat sugar, it ramps my symptoms up; no I can't go out at night, I'm too exhausted; no, I don't have much social life I'm either fatigued or having an anxiety spike; no, I can't leave my walking sticks behind, I'm too unstable and my back suffers if I don't have them there to take some of the load.......I could go on.

 

All of us on this site are indeed victims of drugs that have caused us harm.  And I would say that all of us on this site are trying to find our ways through this, without the support or validation from the medical community, with friends and family who don't get it, with the isolation it can cause, with the torment it can produce and we are trying to find ways to encourage and support, be encouraged and supported, and get past the victimhood to help us stay here on this planet and move through this minefield.

 

I can tell you I am frightened by this latest turn of symptoms....oh yes, I'm afraid.  I'm also trying to not overthink or project into the future,

 

Hoping you are managing - thinking of you and sending love.

 

xxxxx

 

Neroli 💜

[Rabe]

12 hours ago, neroli said:

got to remember I'm British and we go for understatement!). 

Hmmm...your sort of nice and kind and strong and an inspiration...sort of. 😂  And you are fun!!! 😀

 

12 hours ago, neroli said:

I am truly thankful that you are my friend and such a support.  

Know that I feel the very same way Neroli!

12 hours ago, neroli said:

no, I don't have much social life I'm either fatigued or having an anxiety spike;

Yes...she always is asking me what I am doing to get out and be with people...going to church?  Going to meetings?  Joining a club?  Going to a yoga class?

There is such a lack of insight AT ALL by the therapists and doctors...well most I should say.  But if you try to take care of yourself thats not enough.  Im hard enough on myself for heavens sake!!  I sure dont need her clubbing me on the head as well!!

12 hours ago, neroli said:

All of us on this site are indeed victims of drugs that have caused us harm.  And I would say that all of us on this site are trying to find our ways through this, without the support or validation from the medical community, with friends and family who don't get it, with the isolation it can cause, with the torment it can produce and we are trying to find ways to encourage and support, be encouraged and supported, and get past the victimhood to help us stay here on this planet and move through this minefield.

You know, Neroli, that was beautiful..you could write as well.  I wish people, friends, family, therapist, doctors could read this...but they would not understand...but it is a message from the heart and soul of a true hero in my eyes.  

 

12 hours ago, neroli said:

I can tell you I am frightened by this latest turn of symptoms....oh yes, I'm afraid.  I'm also trying to not overthink or project into the future,

 

Im sad you are feeling this way but can truly understand as I feel it so very often.  I often feel I will not make it through this.  Please continue to take care of yourself Neroli and know how much you are loved are cared about.  Hope in today there is a ray of hope somewhere!!!  Much love to you my friend!💜

[neroli]

Hello dear Rabe

 

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words.  I have woken up even more fatigued and with wobbly legs and nausea/anxiety (hard to tell what it is but my tummy is a little sore).

 

15 minutes ago, Rabe said:

I'm sad you are feeling this way but can truly understand as I feel it so very often.  I often feel I will not make it through this.

Then this is how we can keep coaching each other along - that there is some hope of recovery, and of supporting each other to make it through the days, one moment at a time, with the situation that affects us right now.

 

I hope I will be able to get out for a walk with my walking friend this morning.  

 

Wishing you a good day/evening - one foot in front of the other, dear Rabe.  You're a hero, too.

 

xxxxx

 

Neroli 💜

[Rabe]

Hi Neroli...I just want to say I am there with you in spirit!  I am just going to give a thought...I would not go for the walk.  You are so fatigued and all...I would rest if I were you.  I find that I tend to try to push and do things but then I am all the worse for it when it seems things cant get worse.  Please rest.

Also, are you eating and taking in potassium and sodium etc?  I know that when my electrolytes are off my muscles are very weak and I am very very fatigued and anxious etc.....and exercise throws them off more sometimes.  Wanted to see how you were doing....please know I am thinking about you all the time!!  💜

[neroli]

Hello dear Rabe

 

Thanks for coming back with your thoughts and support.

 

2 hours ago, Rabe said:

I am just going to give a thought...I would not go for the walk.

Too Late!!!!! 😅  I went for a 1hr 10min walk.  I know it doesn't make sense that I have these weak wobbly legs but I can drag them on quite a long walk.  I'm pretty heavy legged now, though, I'd put it at 8 out of 10 and I feel woozy when I walk.  I'm even cooking my dinner now (1.30pm) in case my legs give out on me later.  I am definitely going to rest for the afternoon, though.

 

Have had my lunch - lettuce, green and red capsicum, celery, cucumber, kale and salmon (which has 16% of the RDA of potassium in it).  And the list below are high potassium foods, I believe; I eat them every day.  It's possible, though, that with the constant weeing some of this is passed out too soon. 

 

Potassium containing foods:

• Raisins
• Cooked broccoli.
• Sweet potato
• Cucumber

I also eat plenty of salt, so the sodium should be ok.

 

I know you have to watch your electrolytes carefully and maybe that is something that I could have a look at, I just don't have the energy to try getting tests done at the moment.

 

I do so appreciate your support.

 

You're in my thoughts daily, too.  We are walking side by side.

 

much love

 

Neroli xxxx 💜

[neroli]

On 3/7/2019 at 8:58 AM, Rosetta said:

more like the hero you are -- you go to work!! -- that is truly incredible to me.  A failure you are not!!!

💜 Rosetta

Hello Rosetta

 

I'm so sorry I haven't responded to this before - mixture of being slack and not quite with it.

 

Thank you for your wonderful words of encouragement.

On 3/7/2019 at 8:58 AM, Rosetta said:

Feeling like a failure is a very big part of WD for me.  This isn't "who" I want to be.  This is not how I want to live.  So, having a therapist tell me I am failing at therapy -- no thank you.

I am with you on this one - don't need any negative feedback.  I think I've come to the realisation that even if it is me who is putting that slant on the psychologist's words (ie. that maybe she isn't exactly saying that I'm a failure, that maybe she thinks she is placing the right challenges in front of me) it isn't doing me any good to come out of the session and feel so dejected.  It could be just a mis-match in personalities, it could be cultural misunderstandings (she's German, I'm English - there are some differences I think in approach between the two cultures), it could be any one of. a hundred things but if it's not helping, it's not helping and I don't need to give my precious time and energy to it.  I'm not sure I want any "therapist" fiddling around withy psyche at the moment - so while I feel somewhat apprehensive that I'm giving up support on the ground if I don't go back, I'm not really getting support so it's negating its purpose.  I do feel a bit nervous that she is working within "the system" and what will get put in my notes.  

 

None, not one of the counsellors I've seen in the past few years, has any notion of this WD business and for me it is important that they get themselves genned up but it never seems to happen.

 

Anyway, thank you for your support - truly appreciate it.

 

xxx Neroli 💜

[Rosetta]

Someday, I hope everyone will understand the WD is a completely different illness.  For now, we have each other thanks to all the hard work by the people who run this website.  Thank goodness for that.  Maybe, when you have the energy, you can find another therapist who is at least aware of withdrawal syndrome.  Wishing you an easier day today, Neroli. -R

[DMV64]

On 3/10/2019 at 1:13 AM, neroli said:

don't need any negative feedback

OMG can I relate to that. I am way too vulnerable for all these off the cuff solutions people come up with. They have no idea of the ups and downs and the struggle. Hoping you are keeping yourself safe from invaders! xoxo

[neroli]

On 3/12/2019 at 10:56 AM, DMV64 said:

Hoping you are keeping yourself safe from invaders! xoxo

Thank you DMV64.

 

Kind of keeping myself from invaders but, you know, most people seem to want to offer something to "fix" things - anything from complementary medicines, herbs, aqua-robics, keto diet, ..........telling me that the things that are happening happen anyway with age........it goes on.  I answer politely and get out of the conversation as fast as I can.  I reckon people can't help trying to fix because they can't deal with the pain they might feel if they didn't go into "fix mode".   Well, that's my psycho-guess anyway.

 

Thanks for dropping in and I hope you are doing ok.  Will drop by your thread sometime.

 

xxxx Neroli 💜

[Rabe]

Just thinking about you Neroli and hoping you are feeling some better and that the legs are better. Hugs to you my friend!💜

[neroli]

Note for my record, email I sent to GP today:

 

 

Hello .......

 

I did call the surgery today, just to see if we could talk by phone.

 

In the past few weeks, my symptoms have worsened and for two weeks I haven't been able to make it to the office (I have been going for four days a week on most weeks and doing a day's work at home).

 

What's happening is that my legs are feeling more stiff and wobbly and leaden (somedays up to level 9 out of 10), fatigue is much more increased (up to 9 some days), there's nausea and shakes and anxiety (4-5) and now more wooziness/fainting feeling.  On particularly bad days, I've felt like I can only just about walk and drag myself through work through the fatigue.  There is a depressive feeling as well on bad days.

 

I haven't done any med. changes since January, when I dropped 0.25mg of Diazepam, and prior to that I'd dropped 5mg (slowly) of the Nortriptyline.  Since then I've held at the same doses (12mg Diazepam, 85mg Nortriptyline and the 10mg of Escitalopram) so that I could regain some equilibrium as the reductions seemed to rattle my system.

 

Not sure if there is anything you can do (don't think meds. will make anything better) but wanted to log this with you to put on my records.

 

I do wonder if I should ask you for a letter for my manager to ask to work from home more if this doesn't clear up.

 

............ offered me an appointment this morning when I phoned but I couldn't think straight enough to work out how I'd get there.  If you need to see me, though, I'll make an appointment.  ........ says you will be away for a while.

 

[neroli]

Hello @Rabe

 

Thank you for popping round, shame we couldn't have a cup of tea together!  You are such a trooper, sending lovely encouraging messages even though you are feeling gruesome (I'll check on your thread later but I know the past few days have been tough).

 

I had another difficult day, like Tuesday.  In my note above, you'll see that I've reported what's happening to my GP.

 

Here's to a bit of let-up for both of us

 

much love

 

 

xxxxx. Neroli 💜

[neroli]

I've been re-visiting Monica Cassini's site beyondmeds.com and am reading a post on mourning and loss.

 

This sentence stood out for me:

 

” Mourning is the emotional labor of acceptance.”   Those are words from a friend on twitter (@shrinkthinks) ..."

 

It stood out because all through the Acceptance and Commitment therapy I was in floods of tears about the losses I'd witnessed in my life since the iatrogenic injury.  I'd always said to the psychologist "I certainly get the acceptance stuff conceptually but emotionally I'm not there yet".  I now feel more confident in my judgement of the situation and I believe there was an opportunity lost to do some grieving and emotional work, supplanted by a programme of exercises.  (Not that the exercises don't have any value, just that my obvious deeply emotional state wasn't explored).

 

I thought the words above encapsulated my distress so beautifully.

 

[Rabe]

2 hours ago, neroli said:

” Mourning is the emotional labor of acceptance.” 

Thank you for sharing this, Neroli.  I feel so sad and the feelings of loss and mourning have been so overwhelming...the life I had, the person I was, the mother I was, the grandmother I was, the friend I was, the contributing member of society I was....IDK...so much.  I know I am not art the total acceptance point...I sometimes wonder if I ever will be.  Working on it.  But that quote helped me see that perhaps it's ok to work through the mourning...perhaps there will be good things on the other side.  

Im sorry you are having such a hard time still..glad to hear you did let your doctor know. 

I can say that when I was rapidly tapered off half my Viibryd and then ... I think about 2 weeks later the CLonazepam was tapered I was not well for months.  It was a 10mg Viibryd drop and a .25mg Clonazepam drop I think and then more.  

When I look at your signature, just going on my experience, your tapers were pretty rapid with the Diazepam.  It took my system quite a while to really take the hit...and I really ahem not come back to prior to those tapers and each additional seems to be a real insult to my system along with ANY stress be it physical, mental, emotional...just everything.  I share this just to say that perhaps where you are is a result of the Diazpam and your system trying to adjust.  It is a long road and I so feel for what you are going through!

Think about  you every day Neroli and so hope some relief comes your way soon!!  Love and hugs to you my friend!💜  

[neroli]

Hello dear Rabe

 

Thank you for coming round to my place.  As usual, you are there with a kind and encouraging word.

 

37 minutes ago, Rabe said:

When I look at your signature, just going on my experience, your tapers were pretty rapid with the Diazepam.  It took my system quite a while to really take the hit...and I really ahem not come back to prior to those tapers and each additional seems to be a real insult to my system along with ANY stress be it physical, mental, emotional...just everything.  I share this just to say that perhaps where you are is a result of the Diazpam and your system trying to adjust.

 

You may have a good point there, Rabe.  I was already in a bad state of CNS insult (and had been for 2-3 years) before I had the breakdown in early 2017.  I was drug-free at that point (oh, except I'd taken a Lorazepam on a few odd occasions to cope with anxiety and panic attacks - oh how I wish I'd known then that I was probably extra-kindling my system).  I went back on AD drugs - despite knowing and having read not to go back on drugs if possible - about 5 or six weeks after the breakdown. I'd been using Lorazepam and Zopicone PRN but it was getting to be pretty frequent, I was in danger of losing my job and I just didn't know what else to try.  So I decided to try Escitalopram after I'd read someone else had had some success after crashing 20 months out and then instating Esci.  Now, I know we're all different and what works for one might not work for another - and that is what happened for me.  I must say, though, that the Dr. and PDoc didn't have much of a clue either and just let me choose which one to try (so they obviously didn't know what they were treating and were using a pick n mix approach).   So when that didn't work, the PDoc added on the Nortrip.  That did start to help me to sleep and get off the Zopiclone.  Then I crossed to Diazepam to start the taper which I did with the hope that it would go pretty smoothly.  And I tried a small taper of Esci. which didn't work, then I chipped off 5mg of the Nortrip. in the year and a half between mid-2017 and beginning of this year.

 

Not sure why Im writing this all out but I think what I've learned from the last year and a half is that my system is probably right up the spout from the AD changes and prior protracted WD - more than I'd realised.  So, yes, maybe it needs a rest and a hold.  Dang it, though, the one thing I wanted to try to get over was the weak legs and they seem to have got worse.

 

ok, thanks for letting me get this all out of my head, Rabe.

 

Think of your often and just am amazed and feel a kinship that you are going through so much and taking it as it comes (well, you're still here and supporting others, despite your yucky days each day).

 

Lots of warm wishes and love to you

 

xxxxx Neroli 💜

[neroli]

Hello dear Rabe

 

I just thought today that I didn't acknowledge what you said about losses and grief:

 

23 hours ago, Rabe said:

I feel so sad and the feelings of loss and mourning have been so overwhelming...the life I had, the person I was, the mother I was, the grandmother I was, the friend I was, the contributing member of society I was....IDK...so much.  I know I am not art the total acceptance point...I sometimes wonder if I ever will be.  Working on it.

 

I feel so sad and angry about this, too, for myself and for others.  There is such a lot that is lost - even just the basic capacity to be able to sit and feel comfortable.  And that doesn't take into account the other bigger things like being a good friend, contributing etc... being a grandmother - such big chunks of loss.  And at the hands of the pharmaceutical industry (in which I include the Drs. and PDocs.).  By chance I have just listened to someone narrating Matt Samet's story about Benzo withdrawal and he was denied by the medical community on so many occasions that he could possibly be going through Benzo. WD and they all said it was his anxiety coming back, that they were quite concerned about him and wanted to try to get him onto other medications.  Oh, that rang so true and it makes me angry again.

 

Anyway, to Acceptance.  I don't really know what constitutes Acceptance (in a felt sense, rather than an intellectual acknowledgement that we are where we are).  Is there ever a point of total Acceptance - I would doubt that.   For one thing, the fluctuations and changes in symptoms make the road so lumpy that we are continually needing to bring in acceptance of a new circumstance - the process is alive and moving; it's not as though we have a consistent set and pattern of symptoms that allow us to plan and prepare for life and what we want to do and can be confident that if we, for instance, want to go to the grocery store the best time for us is at 9.00am and then we have a nap and feel ok and then the best time to visit friends is at 2.00pm - you know, that sort of regularity.  It's fluid and calls on perpetual practice of acceptance.  

 

The other thing is that even for "normal" human beings, Acceptance is a capacity that needs tending and practising - and, in my opinion, is also fluid and changing as our lives and circumstances change - or even our feelings about things change, one day we might be very happy with the place we live in, for example, and the next day we feel dissatisfaction with where we have "ended up".

 

Maybe all any of us can do is as you say "working on it".

 

Hope you've been reasonable ok over the past couple of days.

 

think of you and send much love

 

Neroli 💜

[Rabe]

On 3/23/2019 at 1:34 AM, neroli said:

Not sure why Im writing this all out but I think what I've learned from the last year and a half is that my system is probably right up the spout from the AD changes and prior protracted WD - more than I'd realised.

 

On 3/23/2019 at 1:34 AM, neroli said:

thanks for letting me get this all out of my head, Rabe

I did this a while back...just things came out and I realized all my body and mind had been through in the past 4 years or more...I was able at least to be a bit kinder to myself in light of it all.  I think I dont want to remember it all and/or cant remember it all....but having it in black and white is helpful.  I find I am able to be more compassionate with others who have a similar situation but seem to still expect that seem how I need/have to rise about it all and be who I was.

Im grateful you were about to get it all out and hope that you will continue to rest and take good care of yourself Neroli!💜

[Rabe]

What you wrote about acceptance was really wonderful Neroli...I am going to refer to it often.  You are right .... it is on going and a daily and multiple times a day event...but still not easy. 💜

[Rabe]

Thinking about you so very much, Neroli, and hoping you have been feeling better?  Love and hugs to you!💜

[JackieDecides]

I love this quote, thank you for sharing it.

 

mourning is the emotional labor of acceptance

[neroli]

Hello dear @Rabe

 

Thank you for your thoughts - so much appreciated.

 

It's been an up and down week, today is a struggle.  But I had two days in the week (I took them off work) where I felt quite calm and happy to be sitting doing knitting.

 

My legs have gone more wobbly and stiff and I keep waking up feeling absolutely tired out.  I'm hoping that it's a wave and I will come out of it (the fatigue and despair especially).

 

However, I did force myself to do my grocery shopping on my own this morning.

 

I'll pop over to your thread at some point.  Though I know you have been struggling, too, so I hope you are getting some breaks at least where you feel somewhat comfortable .

 

Thinking of you, too.  What would we do if you weren't here to keep cheering us on?  You are doing so well, Rabe, in the face of tough times.

 

Much love

 

Neroli xxxxx 💜

[neroli]

Notes Saturday 30 March 2019, 7.00pm:

 

Legs stiff, achy and tired - 9-10

Fatigue - 9

Inner tremor - 7

Aches and stiffness in shoulder and arm muscles - 2

irritated bladder and frequent urination - 8

Hollow-hungry feeling (even right after eating a meal) - 7

[neroli]

Notes Sunday 31 March 2019:

 

Legs - 6

Low to nil anxiety

No depression.

Fatigue low to nil

Inner tremor not discernable

Aches in shoulders and arms - 2

Low need to urinate.

Low hollow-hungry feeling.

[neroli]

Hello JD

 

On 3/30/2019 at 2:06 AM, JackieDecides said:

I love this quote, thank you for sharing it.

 

mourning is the emotional labor of acceptance

 

Thanks - the quote is from Monica Cassini's site, Beyond Meds.  Here's the link if you want to read the blog:

 

https://beyondmeds.com/2018/08/05/mourning-loss-and-vision/

[neroli]

@JackieDecides

 

Sorry, JD I should have tagged you in the above post, I know you are looking for the quote again.

 

[Carmie]

Hi Neroli, 

 

Just popping around to see how you’ve been doing.💚

[neroli]

Hello @Carmie

 

You've changed colour - weren't you pink?

 

Thanks for dropping in.  I've just finished my work stint at home and am on the settee recuperating.  Will have my cup of tea soon.

 

Things are ok - up and down as you would know.  Today has been better in terms of not so much anxiety even when working, so I think that is something to be grateful for.

 

Legs not much better - they seem to be more wobbly and stiff.

 

There are some reasonably good times - one where I feel relaxed and can do my "hobbies" and not worry about being incapacitated..

 

Hope you're doing ok - I think you have had waves recently - will pop over to your thread tonight when I'm in bed.

 

Best of wishes

 

Neroli 💜

[Carmie]

Hi again Neroli, 

 

I’m glad your anxiety hasn’t been too bad. That’s great too that you’re having some relaxing times. I spent most of yesterday colouring in and listening to things in audio. I hadn’t coloured in that much for ages. At one stage I did tons of colouring in. Have  you ever bought the colouring in postcards? They are cool because you can colour them in and then you can send them to friends. 

 

Yes, my colour has changed. I didn’t change it, it was a different colour when I logged on today. 😁 Well, they say change is as good as a holiday. I’d like to put in a photo avatar but when I tried it said that I couldn’t because my photos have too many MB. I’m not technologically savvy, wouldn’t know how to reduce MBs.

 

Yes, I’m in lots of waves recently, but I’m good at keeping myself distracted. I think I have it down to a fine art. Lots and lots of years of experience.😁

 

Enjoy your cup of tea. I’ve been having a yummy rosehip, ginger and lemongrass combo lately. Actually, I’m going to make a blueberry and coconut water smoothie soon. Love my smoothies.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Rabe]

Hi Neroli...I have changed color too.  Easter eggs!  

I am grateful you are even a bit better!  Been thinking about you so!!  SO happy the anxiety is better ... I find that to be so debilitating!!!

Love and hugs to you Neroli!!!💜

[neroli]

Hello @Rabe

 

O green goddess - thank you for dropping in.

 

I'm hoping the anxiety is abating a bit and maybe I'm levelling out.

 

Thank you for your thoughts - good to hear from you, fellow traveller.

 

Warm wishes over the pond

 

Neroli xxx 💜

[neroli]

Notes:

 

Still not able to make it to the office - legs definitely less strong and now lower back ache when I stand or walk (probably because the legs don't hold me up properly)

 

Working at home ramps me up.  As does working in the office.  Anxiety.  Isolation.

 

Feel like another thread of my "normal" life is unravelling.

 

Things to be grateful for:

A nice cup of tea - just two a day

Those times I feel calm

Still can walk some

Looked at the beach nearby on Sunday and could feel some of the beauty in it.

Support on sites like this

Friends

Supportive manager who lets me work at home

Kindness