AmyM: 11 weeks med free and feeling like death

[AmyM]

Hi all,

 

I am writing here in desperation as I find myself feeling so bad after 11 weeks off all medications, that I am just wanting to die every day. I am feeling horrendous physically, mentally and emotionally. 

 

I have been on many medications in various combinations over the last 12 years, none of which ever worked...I just kept going, blindly trusting my psychiatrists and treating team and hoping that the next medications would be the one that finally worked. I have done 13 years of therapy alongside this, and have tried many alternative/complimentary therapies along my way. That said though, I have been reduced to being a 'mental patient' for the last 10 years now,  going in and out of hospital and attending medical and therapy appointments being my life... But now I'm trying to move away from that. To start life anew, away from all the medical diagnoses and destructive medications.

 

In July 2017, after a particularly bad hospitalisation, I decided it was time to walk away from the mental health system, and get off the medications which never helped. I have tried this 3 times before, but was not successful. I have now done a lot of research and know about tapering, but unfortunately, I was nearly off everything by the time I had this knowledge. So I have come off my medications very fast, particularly given that I have been medicated for so long.

 

The medications I was last on include Prozac, Lithium and Seroquel. I came off Prozac between June and July 2017 under doctor supervision (it was giving me horrendous sweats). In August-September, I came off 500mg of Lithium (down to 250mg then nothing). With Seroquel, I had been on about 600mg and had already been slowly cutting that down from maybe January 2017 (perhaps earlier) and was down to 200mg in July. Whilst in hospital, that was reduced down to 50mg in one hit (long story!). I then tapered it down until I came totally off it at the beginning of November 2017.

 

Physically, I have been feeling like a have a combination of the flu and a really bad hangover most of the time, feeling nauseous, achy, and dizzy and absolutely exhausted, with absolutely no energy. It has actually become worse over the last month and a half or so, where it is now to the point where it is hard to go out and I need to be lying down a lot of the time. Lights and sounds can be quite intrusive. I am seeing a naturopath for support with this, but nothing is helping yet. I suspect it may be a long process. 

 

Mentally and emotionally, things have become really really dark. I am aware that all this could well be withdrawals, but with everyone's experience being so different, it is hard to know if/when this may come to an end...

 

It has been suggested by some that it may be worth going back on a small dose of a medication at this point to help, and then slowly tapering it again once I've stabilised a bit... Is this a wise thing to do this far after withdrawing? And if it is something recommended, which medication? Would I go back on a small dose of Seroquel as that's the last thing I tapered off?  It is a pretty horrible and destructive medication...

 

Thanks for reading

 

Amy

 

[AmyM]

Hi again,

 

I ended up taking 12.5mg of Seroquel yesterday, which was the last dosage I took 11 1/2 weeks ago, and I did get some relief. Unfortunately, I wasn't thinking and also took a new supplement that my naturopath gave me (which is basically a whole lot of b vitamins) for the first time. I ended up feeling quite elated, and was a little confused as Seroquel had never done that... 

 

So I thought I'd take Seroquel back out of the picture today in case it was the supplement giving me the lift, and that perhaps I didn't need to reinstate  (I really hate the drug!!). Today however, I have been extremely agitated all day... And seroquel did used to do that to me. 

 

So I'm now left wondering whether I should reinstate or not again, as I really don't want to go back to being agitated all the time again either...

 

Sorry I know this is confusing. I'm very confused myself!!

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Amy.

 

How did you feel when you came off Prozac in July? Lithium in September?

 

On 1/21/2018 at 8:13 PM, AmyM said:

Physically, I have been feeling like a have a combination of the flu and a really bad hangover most of the time, feeling nauseous, achy, and dizzy and absolutely exhausted, with absolutely no energy. It has actually become worse over the last month and a half or so, where it is now to the point where it is hard to go out and I need to be lying down a lot of the time. Lights and sounds can be quite intrusive.

 

^These are classic drug withdrawal symptoms. Did this start when you went off Seroquel in November?

 

Did the B vitamins eliminate all these withdrawal symptoms, or did you take Seroquel and the supplement at the same time?

 

Yes, your exit from Seroquel or maybe all 3 drugs might have been too fast.

[AmyM]

Thanks for the welcome and for your reply. I had no idea about withdrawals when I came off prozac, and had done very little research at the time of coming off lithium, so did not really clock my symptoms as I thought they were just me and my 'illness'. Looking back though, things slid steadily down from June onwards when I started coming off prozac. I had a brief period where I felt a little better (probably after coming off lithium... a lift after been so weighed down by it?)  where I felt some hope and like there might be a different way forward (after starting research), but it didn't last more than a couple of weeks. Things steadily worsened and definitely became worse after coming off seroquel a few months ago, with the 'classic withdrawal symptoms' mentioned above coming on at this time. 

 

I did unfortunately take the seroquel and my first dose of b vitamins on the very same day. It has been 4 days now, and I have continued on the B vitamins and not taken seroquel again. I continue to feel physically better, with a lot more energy and my head is a lot less foggy, but I'm still really agitated and still quite suicidally depressed. I don't know what is causing this, as I was really agitated on seroquel when I took it (with a lot of problems with akathisia.... more the internal version... and the last couple of months is the first time I haven't had that in a long time). Not sure if the B vitamins could be also doing this?? I am very hesitant to take the seroquel again though due to the agitation, sedation and general toxicity of the drug. I really despise it!