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TreeElf

Acceptance - A hopeful message for you all

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TreeElf

Hey guys,

 

I wanted to come back here and just pass on a few things that may help someone. My full story is in the introductions section, but I weaned off Prozac over last year (did the last bit a little too quickly) and due to a variety of factors had a few episodes of intense withdrawal symptoms over Christmas and the start of January.

 

I reinstated at 2mg recently and am glad to report I'm doing absolutely fantastic. However, I noticed a few patterns which caused me to go into symptom mode. Number 1 was reading too many posts on the forum - I used to be a moderator on an OCD support forum and am aware of the dangers of excessive forum use! In fact it was one of the first things we'd advise newbies to the site. In the week before I reinstated, I went into a mode that I hadn't done for a long time. I was checking for success stories, reading other people's symptoms, and was preoccupied with my health for most of the day. I developed new symptoms and old patterns began to emerge.

 

I've been practicing meditation for 2 years now. I stopped temporarily (funnily enough, just before withdrawal symptoms emerged) for a number of reasons. I forgot how wild an unobserved mind can get, and how we continually create our reality moment by moment. Thankfully I was seeing an amazing Reiki therapist once a week over the past month. He pretty much helped me drag myself out of a potentially long term situation, and helped me take responsibility for the symptoms in order to diffuse them incredibly quickly.

 

I also became disheartened by the horror stories and the lack of success stories, but I knew on some level there was more to it. I've seen incredible recoveries over recent years from a variety of illnesses including severe mental illness, chronic pain, cancer. But as soon as I began getting too involved in the world of 'withdrawal', all of that was thrown into doubt. So I did a test. I know intellectually that my mind is a constant flux of thoughts created from my own awareness, nothing is really external or separate from us, it's all the creation and response of mind. When we know that on an experiential level, there is no reason to suffer, because you are aware that you are creating everything that appears to your consciousness. You can create anything. I mentally put out a request for real life success stories.

 

Within about 6 hours an old friend got in touch. I havent seen her in years since we were in a psychiatric hospital, she was a bit older than me and was like a mother figure. She had been one a severe case of clinical depression, in hospital many times. Her doctors told her she was a lost cause and would be dead within the next few years. Turns out she stopped her meds three years ago, refused any medical help, found a great therapist who understood her desire not to be medicated, and she is happier than she's ever been. She is in a new relationship, has gone back to college, and has absolutely no symptoms in regards to withdrawal (she said there was at first but they didn't last intensely after she started therapy).

 

The following day I bumped into a lady who owns a shop near me who I haven't spoke to in months. She confided that she is also medication free since last summer, after years of being on antidepressants. While things have been up and down, she was still positive, running her business, and very positive.

 

From that day I stopped researching anything to do with illness or withdrawal, I got strict with myself in terms of observing thoughts, and detaching from as many as possible throughout the day. Letting them be there without making a 'story' out of them. Of course, the 2mg reinstatement took the edge off almost immediately, but the transformation between now and the horror I experienced a few weeks ago is unimaginable. In the midst of a crisis the smallest of things can mean the difference between a temporary episode and a wave of days or weeks of awfulness. My main withdrawal episodes lasted no more than a day or two at a time, whereas years ago they would have knocked me for six for weeks. I credit that in part to an ongoing understanding of the how the mind works and not exposing myself to negativity as much as possible, especially in such vulnerable states. Forums and the internet are a great resource, but that's just it, they are a tool and as much as it feels like it's the last thing we want to do, it's essential to spend the majority of our time in 'the world' so we get a fuller picture of it.

 

So I guess what I mean is, don't spend time exposing your mind to anything that reaffirms sickness. People, media, tv, situations. In the psychiatric hospitals I was in in the past they had a term for it (I forget what it was), where patients who were around other patients for too long would develop similar symptoms. They would try and get people out quickly and not encourage them to become too close because the statistics for them later being diagnosed with further disorders was much higher the longer you were in there. I guess it's the same in life, we become what we fill our consciousness with. I was very aware that I was spending most of my time reading about withdrawal and thinking about what my symptoms were like day to day, rather than actually healing. Suffering is inevitable, for everyone, that is the nature of being human. But we have so, so much more power to react to it differently, and even be comfortable with it, than we ever imagine. Glimpses of this astonishing power have saved me many times, although we do need to be still enough for it to be revealed.

 

This may or may not be of use to anyone, but I wanted to share it anyway in the hope that it may help. Love and courage to all of you who are struggling.


2008-2013 - Various meds on and off since age 18 incl. Sertraline, Prozac, Mirtazipine, Abilify. Prescribed for severe OCD.

CT'd several times over these years and reinstated after subsequent psych hospitalisations.

2014-2015 - Clomipramine, quetiapine and Epilum

2015-Jan 2017 - Prozac 40mg (stopped contraceptive pill, most stable period of time)

(Beginning of taper) Jan-October 2017 - Tapered Prozac to zero.

15 Jan 2018 - Reinstated Prozac at 2mg due to acute w/d symptoms

February 2018 - tapered to 1.8mg

May 2018 - reinstated at 5mg due to severe w/d symptoms. 9 month hold, stabilized well at around 6/7 months.

March 2019 - Tapered to 4.9mg

Current supplements: fish oils, probiotic, ashwaganda, colostrum powder, cannabis

 

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Junglechicken

I think that's sound advice AbbyElfie, because my therapist and ND both tell me to stay away from the Forum environment, and to stop googling symptoms etc.,

 

The field of psychiatry has clearly proven itself to do more harm than good, and GPs have a LOT to answer for as they are ill-informed regarding these drugs.

 

Anyway, there is nothing more powerful than the human mind to heal the human body.

 

 


Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

 

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)

Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018

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Scorpio

Hi abbeyElfie

thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Today is one of those days when I needed to read something like this. Affirming and sensible. Truly appreciated. 


2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

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Downbutnotout

Y


 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Downbutnotout
1 hour ago, Downbutnotout said:

Interesting post.

 

 


 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Happy2Heal
22 hours ago, AbbyElfie said:

I credit that in part to an ongoing understanding of the how the mind works and not exposing myself to negativity as much as possible, especially in such vulnerable states. Forums and the internet are a great resource, but that's just it, they are a tool and as much as it feels like it's the last thing we want to do, it's essential to spend the majority of our time in 'the world' so we get a fuller picture of it.

I agree with this wholeheartedly!
I found that there were times during WD that I could not handle negativity of any kind and still am very sensitive to it.
I am purposely working toward filling my life with positive people and experiences.

It's hard to let go of relationships that are unhelpful but for my own health, I've had to do it.

getting out is hard when you're not feeling well but it's been the best "medicine" for me in the past year or so.

 I would not have gotten to this point if I'd stayed glued to the computer and tv and the very tiny circle of ppl I was in contact with.

 

sorry this is a bit scattered but I just wanted to chime in and say, yes, this is true, from my experience as well

 

 


  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictalBrief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 tapered down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again, too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
 

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Downbutnotout

I upped to 10 beads today. How will I know if this is too much? I am sure 5 was not enough. I upped to 6 but don’t think that was doing it. How do you know what is the right amount? I feel okay right now. 


 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Jony
On 29/01/2018 at 5:27 PM, AbbyElfie said:

So I guess what I mean is, don't spend time exposing your mind to anything that reaffirms sickness. People, media, tv, situations. In the psychiatric hospitals I was in in the past they had a term for it (I forget what it was), where patients who were around other patients for too long would develop similar symptoms. They would try and get people out quickly and not encourage them to become too close because the statistics for them later being diagnosed with further disorders was much higher the longer you were in there. I guess

 

On 29/01/2018 at 5:42 PM, Junglechicken said:

I think that's sound advice AbbyElfie, because my therapist and ND both tell me to stay away from the Forum environment, and to stop googling symptoms etc.,

 

I think the same...even our journal here, our description, must be something that does not dramatize situations. Just describe like it is and nothing else. Doing so, it may helps to find patterns but doesn´t allow our mind to somatize more and more.

 

Reading about symptons, cases, videos on Youtube etc...it might things worse.


Morning

Escitalopram 10 mg from 2005 to present

Dec 10.17 reduced to 9 mg; reinstated 10 mg; Jan 2.18 9 mg; Fev 12.18 8 mg; Jan 30.20 5 mg; Feb 6.20 reinstated 6 mg

Ethyl Loflazepate 2 mg from 2005 to present

 

Night

Mirtazapine 15 mg from 2015 to present (November reinforcement 30mg) Dec 8.17 15 mg

Levomepromazine 25 mg started November 2017

8/12/2017 12.5 mg; 13/12/17 6.25 mg; 20/12/2017 3.125 mg; 23/12/2017 last 3.125 mg

Clonazepam 2 mg started Nov. 2017 (occasionally) ; last week 2 mg; Dec 19.17 1 mg; Dec 21.17 1.5 mg ; Dec 22.17 2 mg; Jan 2.2018 1.9 mg; Jan 7.2018 3mg; Jan 8.18 2mg; Jan 16.18 1.8 mg; Jan 17.18 1.5 mg ; Jan 18.18 1.7 mg; Jan 19.18 1.6 mg; Fev 12.18 1.5 mg; Jan 30.20 0.5 mg

Xanax XR 1 mg in subtitution of Ethyl Loflazepate 2mg (occasionally)

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Pepita
On 30.1.2018 at 12:27 AM, AbbyElfie said:

Hey guys,

 

I wanted to come back here and just pass on a few things that may help someone. My full story is in the introductions section, but I weaned off Prozac over last year (did the last bit a little too quickly) and due to a variety of factors had a few episodes of intense withdrawal symptoms over Christmas and the start of January.

 

I reinstated at 2mg recently and am glad to report I'm doing absolutely fantastic. However, I noticed a few patterns which caused me to go into symptom mode. Number 1 was reading too many posts on the forum - I used to be a moderator on an OCD support forum and am aware of the dangers of excessive forum use! In fact it was one of the first things we'd advise newbies to the site. In the week before I reinstated, I went into a mode that I hadn't done for a long time. I was checking for success stories, reading other people's symptoms, and was preoccupied with my health for most of the day. I developed new symptoms and old patterns began to emerge.

 

I've been practicing meditation for 2 years now. I stopped temporarily (funnily enough, just before withdrawal symptoms emerged) for a number of reasons. I forgot how wild an unobserved mind can get, and how we continually create our reality moment by moment. Thankfully I was seeing an amazing Reiki therapist once a week over the past month. He pretty much helped me drag myself out of a potentially long term situation, and helped me take responsibility for the symptoms in order to diffuse them incredibly quickly.

 

I also became disheartened by the horror stories and the lack of success stories, but I knew on some level there was more to it. I've seen incredible recoveries over recent years from a variety of illnesses including severe mental illness, chronic pain, cancer. But as soon as I began getting too involved in the world of 'withdrawal', all of that was thrown into doubt. So I did a test. I know intellectually that my mind is a constant flux of thoughts created from my own awareness, nothing is really external or separate from us, it's all the creation and response of mind. When we know that on an experiential level, there is no reason to suffer, because you are aware that you are creating everything that appears to your consciousness. You can create anything. I mentally put out a request for real life success stories.

 

Within about 6 hours an old friend got in touch. I havent seen her in years since we were in a psychiatric hospital, she was a bit older than me and was like a mother figure. She had been one a severe case of clinical depression, in hospital many times. Her doctors told her she was a lost cause and would be dead within the next few years. Turns out she stopped her meds three years ago, refused any medical help, found a great therapist who understood her desire not to be medicated, and she is happier than she's ever been. She is in a new relationship, has gone back to college, and has absolutely no symptoms in regards to withdrawal (she said there was at first but they didn't last intensely after she started therapy).

 

The following day I bumped into a lady who owns a shop near me who I haven't spoke to in months. She confided that she is also medication free since last summer, after years of being on antidepressants. While things have been up and down, she was still positive, running her business, and very positive.

 

From that day I stopped researching anything to do with illness or withdrawal, I got strict with myself in terms of observing thoughts, and detaching from as many as possible throughout the day. Letting them be there without making a 'story' out of them. Of course, the 2mg reinstatement took the edge off almost immediately, but the transformation between now and the horror I experienced a few weeks ago is unimaginable. In the midst of a crisis the smallest of things can mean the difference between a temporary episode and a wave of days or weeks of awfulness. My main withdrawal episodes lasted no more than a day or two at a time, whereas years ago they would have knocked me for six for weeks. I credit that in part to an ongoing understanding of the how the mind works and not exposing myself to negativity as much as possible, especially in such vulnerable states. Forums and the internet are a great resource, but that's just it, they are a tool and as much as it feels like it's the last thing we want to do, it's essential to spend the majority of our time in 'the world' so we get a fuller picture of it.

 

So I guess what I mean is, don't spend time exposing your mind to anything that reaffirms sickness. People, media, tv, situations. In the psychiatric hospitals I was in in the past they had a term for it (I forget what it was), where patients who were around other patients for too long would develop similar symptoms. They would try and get people out quickly and not encourage them to become too close because the statistics for them later being diagnosed with further disorders was much higher the longer you were in there. I guess it's the same in life, we become what we fill our consciousness with. I was very aware that I was spending most of my time reading about withdrawal and thinking about what my symptoms were like day to day, rather than actually healing. Suffering is inevitable, for everyone, that is the nature of being human. But we have so, so much more power to react to it differently, and even be comfortable with it, than we ever imagine. Glimpses of this astonishing power have saved me many times, although we do need to be still enough for it to be revealed.

 

This may or may not be of use to anyone, but I wanted to share it anyway in the hope that it may help. Love and courage to all of you who are struggling.

hi there EbbieElfie,

you are right and it's a great reminder of what I am doing too much of lately;) I realized every so often that reading too many different stories from desperate people makes you feel worse or you start to lose hope. It is of great help to kmow that you are nor alone in this world with all your troubles but too much is too much. 

 

Also I realized that I mainly login here to read when I am not feeling well (although in my own profile-thread I did come to write about improvements and milestones of recovery as well). 

 

Recently I am just hungry for conversation with someone else with wd-experience because I am in one terrible wave, worst one for a very one time, and I am at the end of the world far away from home in paradise- only "normal" and happy people all around me😂 I'd love some exchange. 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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TreeElf

hey guys,

 

Glad this may have helped some people. I can totally relate to being triggered by engaging with negativity, it's like a domino effect after that. I find the middle way the best - acknowledge and accept negative situations as they arise (because they always do) without engaging in them, just gently steering attention away over and over again once you notice it has been caught in analysing, worrying, catastrophizing, judging etc. It's a constant practice but the results are worth it ten times over, it's something I have and willd edicate the rest of my life to.

 

This past week has been even better than when I first posted, mainly because I dropped expectations and took each day as it came. I've even had a few glasses of wine with dinner with a friend (not recommending but just to make the point that it had no negative effects). I've been up early every morning writing and planning a trip away in March, cycling, going to meditation class and also volunteering. There is a distinct sense of peace and focus, optimism without overexcitement, and I'm beginning to see each negative emotion as an opportunity to see where I need to be healed more...and all at 2mg of Prozac lol, a few years ago I'd never have believed that was possible. Who knows where things will go over the next few months, my aim is to just go with it.

 

17 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I upped to 10 beads today. How will I know if this is too much? I am sure 5 was not enough. I upped to 6 but don’t think that was doing it. How do you know what is the right amount? I feel okay right now. 

Downbutnotout I can't recommend exact dosages as I think it's totally individual, but I do know that it's best to start small and increase a little to see how you feel. There is a great post in the Tapering section that explains reinstatement guidelines. I'm currently taking the liquid version, so am not sure how much 6 beads would be. How long have you been off and when did you reinstate it? Perhaps it would be good to post it on your intro thread so one of the mods can advise you better?

 


2008-2013 - Various meds on and off since age 18 incl. Sertraline, Prozac, Mirtazipine, Abilify. Prescribed for severe OCD.

CT'd several times over these years and reinstated after subsequent psych hospitalisations.

2014-2015 - Clomipramine, quetiapine and Epilum

2015-Jan 2017 - Prozac 40mg (stopped contraceptive pill, most stable period of time)

(Beginning of taper) Jan-October 2017 - Tapered Prozac to zero.

15 Jan 2018 - Reinstated Prozac at 2mg due to acute w/d symptoms

February 2018 - tapered to 1.8mg

May 2018 - reinstated at 5mg due to severe w/d symptoms. 9 month hold, stabilized well at around 6/7 months.

March 2019 - Tapered to 4.9mg

Current supplements: fish oils, probiotic, ashwaganda, colostrum powder, cannabis

 

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Downbutnotout
On 2/1/2018 at 6:26 AM, AbbyElfie said:

hey guys,

 

Glad this may have helped some people. I can totally relate to being triggered by engaging with negativity, it's like a domino effect after that. I find the middle way the best - acknowledge and accept negative situations as they arise (because they always do) without engaging in them, just gently steering attention away over and over again once you notice it has been caught in analysing, worrying, catastrophizing, judging etc. It's a constant practice but the results are worth it ten times over, it's something I have and willd edicate the rest of my life to.

 

This past week has been even better than when I first posted, mainly because I dropped expectations and took each day as it came. I've even had a few glasses of wine with dinner with a friend (not recommending but just to make the point that it had no negative effects). I've been up early every morning writing and planning a trip away in March, cycling, going to meditation class and also volunteering. There is a distinct sense of peace and focus, optimism without overexcitement, and I'm beginning to see each negative emotion as an opportunity to see where I need to be healed more...and all at 2mg of Prozac lol, a few years ago I'd never have believed that was possible. Who knows where things will go over the next few months, my aim is to just go with it.

 

Downbutnotout I can't recommend exact dosages as I think it's totally individual, but I do know that it's best to start small and increase a little to see how you feel. There is a great post in the Tapering section that explains reinstatement guidelines. I'm currently taking the liquid version, so am not sure how much 6 beads would be. How long have you been off and when did you reinstate it? Perhaps it would be good to post it on your intro thread so one of the mods can advise you better?

 

I have been off effexor for around 3 months. I went up to 6 beads, then 10 ( for one day, big mistake) then back down to 5 for 3 days. I wish I wasn’t on any.The trazadone I’m taking is causing an eye twitch. But I’m leaving that alone for a while. I got off the effexor in two weeks with a prozac bridge. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous. One week of 75, one week of 37, then we’re done. After that buspar really finished me off. Wouldn’t recommend that one. I like your advice about negative situations. I’ll have to really practice that. I actually had.a little peace for a couple of hours tonight. But then I’ll have to go to sleep and get up again. I’m too old for this. I was born in 1950. Figure that one out. I was doing fine before I had some silly event provoke me 8 months ago. I actually think I’d started to slip. My 75 mg of effexor was not really working for me. Maybe it never was. Thanks for answering me. Just noticed this. I’m still uncertain about where I’m going with this effexor. How far up before I come down. What to do with this trazadone. i pretty much hate it, but it helps me sleep. I also think it gives me anxiety when I wake up. I don’t like it. It’s also giving me an eye twitch. Ali told me to keep everything the way it i for now. So, I will listen. 


 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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Happy2Heal

hi AbbyElfie

just wondering how you are doing

:)

 


  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictalBrief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 tapered down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again, too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
 

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Tanha
On 1/29/2018 at 6:27 PM, AbbyElfie said:

But as soon as I began getting too involved in the world of 'withdrawal', all of that was thrown into doubt.

 

thank you so much. This is oh so true.

 

i often use the phrase psychologists use: do not think of a pink elephant (which of course must fail)

and I always have to smile saying this. 

 

I could also say „do not think of the world of withdrawl“. Mindfulness is the only way out of this and I used to be so good at it. But during the last year (being severely overmedicated and in wd) I got so obsessed with medication, than withdrawl, now symptoms that it is very hard to practice mindfulness. I have to adjust it in a way that I can do some of it even under these worst Scenarios where I am obsessed with symptoms, etc. or do it at times during the day when this obsession is less dominant. 

I always loved mindfulness, why is it so difficult in wd now? I don‘t know how to find strength in this as I used to.

maybe because of all the agony and arousel.

 

i know that I have never been obsessed with anything before I started my snri!!


2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q

March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, 

june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine 

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TreeElf

Hi @Happy2Heal and @Tanha, sorry for the late reply. Things are improving a lot the past few weeks after a rollercoaster year. It's funny what you mention about mindfulness, I felt like I'd 'lost' the ability during bad waves of w/d. But I'm remembering again that's it's not a skill we learn, it's who we really are underneath all the layers. I was distraught spiritually over this in the past year, but I'm slowly adjusting to the idea that there's nothing to fear except fear itself. You'll always come back to yourself, somehow, it's more of a matter of when, not if. I'll update properly on my intro topic! Hope things are going okay for you too


2008-2013 - Various meds on and off since age 18 incl. Sertraline, Prozac, Mirtazipine, Abilify. Prescribed for severe OCD.

CT'd several times over these years and reinstated after subsequent psych hospitalisations.

2014-2015 - Clomipramine, quetiapine and Epilum

2015-Jan 2017 - Prozac 40mg (stopped contraceptive pill, most stable period of time)

(Beginning of taper) Jan-October 2017 - Tapered Prozac to zero.

15 Jan 2018 - Reinstated Prozac at 2mg due to acute w/d symptoms

February 2018 - tapered to 1.8mg

May 2018 - reinstated at 5mg due to severe w/d symptoms. 9 month hold, stabilized well at around 6/7 months.

March 2019 - Tapered to 4.9mg

Current supplements: fish oils, probiotic, ashwaganda, colostrum powder, cannabis

 

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Tanha

@AbbyElfie

 

thank you so much. I am so scared of not having a self anymore that does not consist of pain or fear. Your words give me a little hope. 


2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q

March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine

March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, 

june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine 

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TreeElf
2 minutes ago, Tanha said:

@AbbyElfie

 

thank you so much. I am so scared of not having a self anymore that does not consist of pain or fear. Your words give me a little hope. 

 

You're most welcome. No matter how much fear you can't ever lose your true self. There's so much possibility in us, it's endless. Much love to you, I'm sure you'll remember this experientially when the time is right x


2008-2013 - Various meds on and off since age 18 incl. Sertraline, Prozac, Mirtazipine, Abilify. Prescribed for severe OCD.

CT'd several times over these years and reinstated after subsequent psych hospitalisations.

2014-2015 - Clomipramine, quetiapine and Epilum

2015-Jan 2017 - Prozac 40mg (stopped contraceptive pill, most stable period of time)

(Beginning of taper) Jan-October 2017 - Tapered Prozac to zero.

15 Jan 2018 - Reinstated Prozac at 2mg due to acute w/d symptoms

February 2018 - tapered to 1.8mg

May 2018 - reinstated at 5mg due to severe w/d symptoms. 9 month hold, stabilized well at around 6/7 months.

March 2019 - Tapered to 4.9mg

Current supplements: fish oils, probiotic, ashwaganda, colostrum powder, cannabis

 

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HopefulDawn
On 1/29/2018 at 5:27 PM, TreeElf said:

Hey guys,

 

I wanted to come back here and just pass on a few things that may help someone. My full story is in the introductions section, but I weaned off Prozac over last year (did the last bit a little too quickly) and due to a variety of factors had a few episodes of intense withdrawal symptoms over Christmas and the start of January.

 

I reinstated at 2mg recently and am glad to report I'm doing absolutely fantastic. However, I noticed a few patterns which caused me to go into symptom mode. Number 1 was reading too many posts on the forum - I used to be a moderator on an OCD support forum and am aware of the dangers of excessive forum use! In fact it was one of the first things we'd advise newbies to the site. In the week before I reinstated, I went into a mode that I hadn't done for a long time. I was checking for success stories, reading other people's symptoms, and was preoccupied with my health for most of the day. I developed new symptoms and old patterns began to emerge.

 

I've been practicing meditation for 2 years now. I stopped temporarily (funnily enough, just before withdrawal symptoms emerged) for a number of reasons. I forgot how wild an unobserved mind can get, and how we continually create our reality moment by moment. Thankfully I was seeing an amazing Reiki therapist once a week over the past month. He pretty much helped me drag myself out of a potentially long term situation, and helped me take responsibility for the symptoms in order to diffuse them incredibly quickly.

 

I also became disheartened by the horror stories and the lack of success stories, but I knew on some level there was more to it. I've seen incredible recoveries over recent years from a variety of illnesses including severe mental illness, chronic pain, cancer. But as soon as I began getting too involved in the world of 'withdrawal', all of that was thrown into doubt. So I did a test. I know intellectually that my mind is a constant flux of thoughts created from my own awareness, nothing is really external or separate from us, it's all the creation and response of mind. When we know that on an experiential level, there is no reason to suffer, because you are aware that you are creating everything that appears to your consciousness. You can create anything. I mentally put out a request for real life success stories.

 

Within about 6 hours an old friend got in touch. I havent seen her in years since we were in a psychiatric hospital, she was a bit older than me and was like a mother figure. She had been one a severe case of clinical depression, in hospital many times. Her doctors told her she was a lost cause and would be dead within the next few years. Turns out she stopped her meds three years ago, refused any medical help, found a great therapist who understood her desire not to be medicated, and she is happier than she's ever been. She is in a new relationship, has gone back to college, and has absolutely no symptoms in regards to withdrawal (she said there was at first but they didn't last intensely after she started therapy).

 

The following day I bumped into a lady who owns a shop near me who I haven't spoke to in months. She confided that she is also medication free since last summer, after years of being on antidepressants. While things have been up and down, she was still positive, running her business, and very positive.

 

From that day I stopped researching anything to do with illness or withdrawal, I got strict with myself in terms of observing thoughts, and detaching from as many as possible throughout the day. Letting them be there without making a 'story' out of them. Of course, the 2mg reinstatement took the edge off almost immediately, but the transformation between now and the horror I experienced a few weeks ago is unimaginable. In the midst of a crisis the smallest of things can mean the difference between a temporary episode and a wave of days or weeks of awfulness. My main withdrawal episodes lasted no more than a day or two at a time, whereas years ago they would have knocked me for six for weeks. I credit that in part to an ongoing understanding of the how the mind works and not exposing myself to negativity as much as possible, especially in such vulnerable states. Forums and the internet are a great resource, but that's just it, they are a tool and as much as it feels like it's the last thing we want to do, it's essential to spend the majority of our time in 'the world' so we get a fuller picture of it.

 

So I guess what I mean is, don't spend time exposing your mind to anything that reaffirms sickness. People, media, tv, situations. In the psychiatric hospitals I was in in the past they had a term for it (I forget what it was), where patients who were around other patients for too long would develop similar symptoms. They would try and get people out quickly and not encourage them to become too close because the statistics for them later being diagnosed with further disorders was much higher the longer you were in there. I guess it's the same in life, we become what we fill our consciousness with. I was very aware that I was spending most of my time reading about withdrawal and thinking about what my symptoms were like day to day, rather than actually healing. Suffering is inevitable, for everyone, that is the nature of being human. But we have so, so much more power to react to it differently, and even be comfortable with it, than we ever imagine. Glimpses of this astonishing power have saved me many times, although we do need to be still enough for it to be revealed.

 

This may or may not be of use to anyone, but I wanted to share it anyway in the hope that it may help. Love and courage to all of you who are struggling.

Thanks for posting this it is encouraging


Signature: January 2018 - 50mg sertraline for only 2 days, had adverse reaction.

On 0 psych drugs now. I take certirizine an antihistamine 1 a day.

Took a very long time for symptoms to go away, still episodically have issues that feel the same as when I took the drug. My health is not as good now, episodes of ill health triggered by exercise, stress and sometimes just random.

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