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India: withdrawal (dissociation) after 9 years on citalopram


India

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It’s 13 months since I got severely ill coming off citalopram .. There has been some very slow progress but I feel a grief today. For it means i’m Looking at a long long  road. Since I haven’t even stabilised enough to make cuts.. will I ever I ask myself?

The point is, a year of my life has been utterly destroyed. I know everyone here is in a varying position, but similar. 

I am most traumatised by the ongoing cognitive damage to my memory and intellectual/learning  capacities. 

 

I am having to do a lot of work on my anger.

 

Been in bed for 3 days- exhaustion and the rest of it..

 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi India, 

 

I’m so very sorry for your struggles. How are you doing? Have you been able to get out of bed? I spend a lot of time in bed due to my illness, it’s just been part of my life for about 25 years. I find things to help me distract from how awful I feel most of the time. Withdrawals on top of everything else doesn’t help. All one can do is take a day at a time, a minute at a time if need be. 

 

I try and focus on the things that are still positives in my life too, some days that’s easier than other days, but there are always things I’m grateful for. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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  • Moderator

Hey India,

 

Hope you're up and about again.

 

Fatigue is one of the most problematic symptoms I get, too.  It still seems pretty much as serious overall in withdrawal as much as just being on the rotten drugs.  I hope it and my body temperature dysregulation will abate eventually, but I can't be sure it will.  My work keeps my memory and cognition in practice, though the latter at least seems to improve as I reduce my dose.  My intuition is that neuroplasticity is likely to restore these faculties better as we come off and heal.

 

I hear you about the anger, that's a huge thing I've been dealing with too, thankfully with the help of my psychologist, because my family hasn't ever permitted expressing it.  Have you been able to find good outlets for it?  Sometimes I am fine to count my blessings, other times I am just staggered by the extent of what's been taken from me.

 

Anyways, press on and you're bound to find a gap in the clouds sooner or later.

 

Cheers,

Hayduke

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own.  

Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one"

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

Backdrop:  2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole

2015: olanzapine  10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg  by crude pill cutter

2018:  Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold

Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214  -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂

Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg 1wk after Jul 100mg Aug-Dec 75mg/4wks

Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^

Jan-Feb 2024 cross taper off shots to 1mg risperidone

 

Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

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  • 1 month later...

@jozeff (hope you are ok) or anyone else capable ?

 if 
1ml is 40mg
then what is 0.12ml in mg? 
I can’t seem to get it right.
1mg is 0.025ml
but my brain won’t make the next connection. 

I can calculate the other way. 

Can you give me formula?

 

 

 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator

4.8 mgai

 

You have correctly calculated the AIC (Active Ingredient Concentration) as 1mg per 0.025mL

 

To calculate the strength of your new dose divide the desired volume by the AIC:    0.12mL / 0.025mL = 4.8mgai

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Hi India,

 

Sorry, I just read your question....

 

Have been having a rough time and not been much on this forum to be honest. Sometimes it's just too much reading al peoples struggle and dealing with your own situation.

 

How are you doing lately? 

 

Hope you are doing just fine and your tapering is going very well!!

 

Have a nice day and greetings from the Netherlands!

 

 

Jozeff

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sep- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

Apr 2018 -  Jun 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

Jun 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 wks

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose).

 

2019 apr 27 : START taper citalopram @ 18 mg: 29Jun 16.4 mg / 19aug 15.4 mg / 25aug 15.2 mg / 30sep 14.0 mg / 4dec 13.1 mg

2020  03Jan 12.75 mg / 28Jan 12.29 mg / 18Feb 11.83 mg, 25Feb 11.68 mg hold.. / 7May 11.33 mg hold...., 4Aug 10.98 mg / 5Dec 10.0 mg 4 month hold...

2021 30mar 9.8 mg / 06apr 9.5 mg /  13apr 9.4 mg / 14may 8,5 mg / 04jun 8,0 mg / 11jun 7.75 mg, 02jul 7.35 mg /  09jul 7.2 mg hold 3 weeks during holiday /31jul 7 mg/ 8aug 6.8 mg / 15aug 6.63mg / 22aug 6.5mg / 1sep 6.3 mg / 8sep 6.15 mg / 15sep 6.0 mg / 22sep 5.9 mg / 29sep 5.8 mg / 04 oct 5.65 mg / 10oct 5.55 mg / 17oct 5.45 mg / 24oct 5.35mg / 30oct 5.25 mg hold 3 wks / 22nov 5.15 mg / 01dec 5.1mg / 12dec 5.0mg / 20dec 4.85mg / 30dec 4.70mg

2022   08jan 4.5 mg / 16jan 4.4 mg / 23jan 4.3 mg / 27jan 4.2 mg / 18feb 4.1 mg / 25feb 4.0 mg / 04mar 3.9 mg / 11mar 3.75 mg / 18Mar 3.65 mg / 09apr 3.55 mg / 16apr 3.45 mg / 23apr 3.35 mg / 01may 3.25 mg / 8may 3.15 mg / 17may 3.10 mg / 28 may 3.0 mg / 7jun 2.94 mg / 18 Jun 2.88 mg / 27 jun 2.84 mg / 05 jul 2.80 mg / 16 jul 2.75 mg / 23 jul 2.70 mg / 01aug 2.65 mg / 09aug 2.60 mg hold 5wks / 18sep 2.55 mg / 25sep 2.5 mg /02oct 2.45 mg / 10oct 2.40 mg / 19oct 2.35 mg / 27oct 2.30 mg / 05nov 2.27 mg / 14nov 2.25 mg / 22nov 2.20 mg / 29nov 2.10mg / 09dec 2.05 mg / 15dec 2.0 mg 

2023  hold 2.0 mg for 5 months / 05may 1.95 mg / 14may 1.90 mg / 24may 1.87 mg / 02jun 1.85 mg / 17jun 1.82 mg / 27jun 1.79 mg / 07jul 1.75 mg / 31jul 1.72 mg / 12aug 1.69mg / 27aug 1.67 mg / 04sep 1.65 mg / 09sep 1.63 mg / 22sep 1.61 mg / 27sep 1.60 mg / 12oct 1.58 mg / 18oct 1.56 mg / 31oct 1.54 mg / 06nov 1.52 mg / 18nov 1.50 mg / 04dec 1.48 mg / 11dec 1.46 mg / 22dec 1.45 mg / 28dec 1.44 mg

2024 01jan 1.43 mg / 06jan 1.42 mg/ 10jan 1.40 mg hold /

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Thank you @brassmonkey 🙏and @jozeff really sending you much healing energy  . In a very bad wave myself. Reporting for my reference

Pots, chronic fatigue  old symptoms such as blank brain, dr and executive functioning issues  and a new one- a sort of rls/electric shock that I think may be a mild/moderate akathisia . I haven’t had this since the beginning. 

The loss of my recent dear companion, who cared for me,  seems to have set me back and one day I was off on my syringe by a point. I can’t be sure why exactly but symptoms are markedly back. 

It has been a horrid  day. I was hoping some  that recent developments would continue in a forward direction. 

I don’t think my condition is stable enough to taper . I simply don’t have the support to . Financially things are a struggle. 

Signing off for today. 

 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
Link to comment

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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Today I got akathisia. I recognised the symptoms immediately. It was a horrid day  - and quite frightening 3 days ago 10% drop for one day.

Next day back to regular dose of 5.4mg, yesterday 5.4mg,

Taken at 11am

Today 1% decrease. 

Saturday 5th October

Balance/dizziness issues 6/10 (all day)

DR 4/10 

anxiety 7/10

rls 5/10

 

 

Sunday  6th October 

Slept 12-10am 

Took dose 5.3mg @11am

Akathisia morning 3/10 Afternoon 5/10 3/4pm - 10pm 6/10  (bad in hands) 

Anxiety 7/10

parasthesia 2/10

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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Monday 7th October

(previous night disturbed sleep - weighted blankets, magnesium, lavender oil, podcasts, deep breathing

slept 1am-11am)

Took dose 5.3mg at 11:30am. 

My akathisia has intensified 7/10, cold burning 2/10 as has my anxiety 7.5/10

and this dark, heavy feeling in my brain as if I have no thoughts or feelings.

DR: 7/10

Really frightened today. I just can’t go back to those early days and this is what it feels like .

Can this be from a 1% drop? I’ve also started diluting the liquid. I added 1ml of water to 1ml of 40mg in 1ml medication. 

Panic . Feel frightened.

Suggestions welcome. 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
Link to comment

Should I take benedryl?

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator
7 hours ago, India said:

Monday 7th October

(previous night disturbed sleep - weighted blankets, magnesium, lavender oil, podcasts, deep breathing

slept 1am-11am)

Took dose 5.3mg at 11:30am. 

My akathisia has intensified 7/10, cold burning 2/10 as has my anxiety 7.5/10

and this dark, heavy feeling in my brain as if I have no thoughts or feelings.

DR: 7/10

Really frightened today. I just can’t go back to those early days and this is what it feels like .

Can this be from a 1% drop? I’ve also started diluting the liquid. I added 1ml of water to 1ml of 40mg in 1ml medication. 

Panic . Feel frightened.

Suggestions welcome. 

 

Hi India, 

I dilute my citalopram much more than that. I take 0.2 ml syringe (8 mg citalopram) and dilute it into 80 ml water (8x10 ml syringes), that way every 10 ml solution gives me 1 mg of the drug. You don't need to do it that much as you are taking a bit more but I find that because of the viscosity of the liquid citalopram, it's hard to measure what stays in the syringe and what ends up in my mouth if I dilute it less. I wonder if that might help and make things more even. 

 

Hoping you are feeling better soon. 

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi India

 

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now !

 

What are your tools To cope anxiety?

 

Hang on there, we stay strong together !

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment

Just reporting a bad wave this afternoon😢.  Felt frightened. Trying to reassure myself. Be back to reply soon. Also, can’t keep track in my mind of all posts. Aim to work my way through them as much as possible.Thank you for the support @Erell and @Onmyway

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator Emeritus

India, I give you my hand. 💓

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi sweet India 

 

How are you doing Today?

 

Thinking of you 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment

@Erell thank you dear Erell. It is tough and now I feel consumed by a new dilemma. 

The major reason (alongside the risks of heart issues I read about associated with my ssri) I decided to come off citalopram was to do with the possibility of having children. I’ve read the literature and the risk of citalopram on the unborn fetus is statistically significant . I did not want to have to face doing it at the time of pregnancy should this have happened for me in the years to come . I was 35 at the time, 36 now. The years are running away from me. I know there are no guarantees but that doesn’t mean you don’t prepare yourself and your body for the possibility. 

A year on from cold turkey WD and then a reinstatement, I am in a catch 22. The WD has decimated my life and thus, I was not able to continue the course I was on, any work and of course, bedbound  unable to meet my own needs most of the time, hardly going to meet my future husband or. I have “stabilised” for some time now but still with these waves and never got back to my previous self . I made a recent cut of 1%, I have simultaneously had a wave but that might not be related. Even if I reduce at 10% with 6 week holds, the quickest I could get off my drug is 2.5 years. That’s 38.5 years old.. It would be a gamble- to keep pressing forward. If I were a man, it would seem easier.. hold longer, taper over as many years. Fertility waits for no woman. At the same time, could I further compromise my healing. Would holding mean I could stabilise and do a faster taper next year? There are so many schools of thought. One woman my age waited 2 years to taper and said she did not recover so carried on with a taper as she felt so bad anyway. 

I worry, like Stevie Nicks, this will mean I will never have children ( and the other aspects of my life decimated by this). 

Some say true healing on begins at O and others say stabilisation is the key to healing. 

 

Please any thoughts?? 

https://www.cchrint.org/2013/09/17/stevie-nicks-on-her-former-psychiatrist/

Edited by India

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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On 10/8/2019 at 2:30 AM, Onmyway said:

 

Hi India, 

I dilute my citalopram much more than that. I take 0.2 ml syringe (8 mg citalopram) and dilute it into 80 ml water (8x10 ml syringes), that way every 10 ml solution gives me 1 mg of the drug. You don't need to do it that much as you are taking a bit more but I find that because of the viscosity of the liquid citalopram, it's hard to measure what stays in the syringe and what ends up in my mouth if I dilute it less. I wonder if that might help and make things more even. 

 

Hoping you are feeling better soon. 

 

Can I ask is your citalopram liquid also ratio 40mg to 1ml? So the same method will translate @Onmyway

Sorry, complete blocks around maths now. 

Thank you for replying . 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator
6 hours ago, India said:

Can I ask is your citalopram liquid also ratio 40mg to 1ml? So the same method will translate @Onmyway

Sorry, complete blocks around maths now. 

Thank you for replying . 

Yes, the same one. I think that's the only one being sold in England but the producers vary. I'll see if I can get the same generic for my next one.  

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

Link to comment

Today I started my microtaper and after diluting my liquid by 8.  I stupidly took 2.5ml instead of 2.13ml . Equating to 1.25mg more than I was supposed to take. 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator

Hey India, I've had the odd blip like that here and there.  Usually it settles within a few days for me with the olanzapine when I continue on the correct dosage.  Hopefully you'll ride it out without too much discomfort and be back on track in a week or so.

 

Cheers

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own.  

Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one"

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

Backdrop:  2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole

2015: olanzapine  10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg  by crude pill cutter

2018:  Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold

Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214  -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂

Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg 1wk after Jul 100mg Aug-Dec 75mg/4wks

Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^

Jan-Feb 2024 cross taper off shots to 1mg risperidone

 

Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

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Hello India, just dropping by to give you my support! I hope your taper goes smoothly! 🙏

Gemma92's signature(now Gem92) (added in by mod mmt 4/23/22)

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD drug for a few months CT 2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. 
4/22/22- 6.3mg (Tapering between 2 and 3% every 2 weeks). 11/27/2022- 5.4mg 
1/8/23- 5.25mg 1/30/23-5.2mg 2/22/23-5.15mg 3/10/23-5.1mg 4/4/23-5.05mg 4/16/23-5mg

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Dear @Gemma92 @Erell @intothewoods And all those who’ve dropped by. Thank you. My turn for an almighty wave again. Scary every time. I just keep holding on to the edge of the world.

Also uncovering themselves are waves of previous trauma interspersed with the WD symptoms.

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear India 

 

I'm so sorry I didn't come here these past days. 

Hang on, you know now it Will pass. 

I give you my hand from France ❤

Lots of hugs !

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment

Sorry to hear that you are in a wave. Hope you feel a lot better soon!

2014: Paxil 20 mg - 1 year - protracted withdrawal that lasted years

2019: Venlafaxine XR 37,5 mg - 1 pill - instant adverse reaction

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4 hours ago, India said:

My turn for an almighty wave again. Scary every time. I just keep holding on to the edge of the world.

Also uncovering themselves are waves of previous trauma interspersed with the WD symptoms.

 

😢😢😢😢

* Fluoxetine: 40 mg 1999-2012; 60 mg 2012-March 2019;  45.2 mg at present.

* Provigil: 25-100 mg PRN 2005 to mid-2015; 200-300 mg mid-2015 to early 2016; tapered from 300 mg in early 2016 to 100 mg early 2017; tapered from 100 mg early 2017 to 33 mg June 15, 2019;  8.9 mg at present.

* Amitriptyline: 10-15 mg 2002-2013; 25 mg 2014 to December 5, 2018; December 15, 2018 converted to water suspension and tapered to 16.5 mg at present

* Diazepam: 5 mg at night 2002-present

 Supplements: Iron for anemia

Recent tapering timeline:

2019:  Fluoxetine 60 mg        Provigil 33.5 mg      Amitriptyline 25 mg   Diazepam 5 mg

2022:          45.2 mg                      8.9 mg                     16.5 mg                        5 mg

Back Story: From 2012 thru early 2017, relocated and cycled through over 20 primary and psych docs (supposedly for severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) who prescribed two dozen different psych meds in search of the "perfect therapeutic combo." Took most for only a few days, some for a week. Included Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Belsomra, Tramadol, Librium, Halcyon, Remeron and -- the last straw, Trintellix. Began in early 2016 when it was still called Brintellix (Pharma's attempt to combine the words "brilliance" and "intelligence" in a pill name), became unable to eat or sleep, lost 25 lbs and the ability to speak. Slowly tapered myself back to Prozac by 2017 but was unable to stop akathisia, cortisol mornings and kindling which continue, actively, through present.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 10/14/2019 at 10:07 AM, India said:

Even if I reduce at 10% with 6 week holds, the quickest I could get off my drug is 2.5 years. That’s 38.5 years old.. It would be a gamble- to keep pressing forward. If I were a man, it would seem easier.. hold longer, taper over as many years. Fertility waits for no woman. At the same time, could I further compromise my healing. Would holding mean I could stabilise and do a faster taper next year? There are so many schools of thought. One woman my age waited 2 years to taper and said she did not recover so carried on with a taper as she felt so bad anyway. 

I worry, like Stevie Nicks, this will mean I will never have children ( and the other aspects of my life decimated by this). 

Some say true healing on begins at O and others say stabilisation is the key to healing. 

 

Please any thoughts?? 

https://www.cchrint.org/2013/09/17/stevie-nicks-on-her-former-psychiatrist/

 

"Fertility waits for no woman," I chuckled at this statement, and it's true! There's someone on here who had a baby recently while tapering at low doses. I can't remember her username, otherwise I would link her! But of course the decision to wait until you are off is definitely up to the individual, and probably the choice I would make if I were in your situation to minimize risks.

 

I read the Stevie Nicks article you linked. Slightly confused by her suggesting that she came off her benzo in 47 days at the hospital? It's always so hard for me to comprehend that people do fast tapers and end up OK. Her anger towards being put on these drugs is very real. But India, I wouldn't continue to extrapolate to your own future to think that kids will "never" be a possibility. My own mother had me at an older age (older than 38!) and I am all the more grateful for her wisdom and life experiences before she had me that shaped her into the mother she is. Life is hard to predict, including its unexpected joys!

 

Wishing you strength and peace during this wave. It will pass.

Apr 2018: Began 10 mg Amitriptyline (for headaches & insomnia from concussion).

Jul - Aug 2018: Fast taper to 5 mg and then 2.5 mg (too fast, hellish withdrawal at 2.5 mg). Sept 2018: Reinstated 10 mg (many symptoms improved). Oct 2018 - Apr 2019: Updosed & stabilized on 11 mg (2 waves at 3 and 5 months post-withdrawal). Apr 2019 - Apr 2020: Tapered 0.5-0.25 mg per month using compounded pills: 11 mg —> 6 mg. (2 waves at 12 and 16 months post-withdrawal.) Apr 2020 - present: Switched to a liquid taper at rate of 0.1 mg per month. Currently: 1.1 mg. No more waves. 

 

Supplements: Omega-3 fish oil, Vit B12, coenzyme Q10, Hawthorn extract (for tachycardia) Tools for insomnia/waves (as needed): Epsom salt foot soaks, 0.5 mg Melatonin, quality time, waves WILL PASS. Lifestyle: Eat real foods, mostly plants; sunlight, walking, yoga; symptom tracking on adapted Glenmullen chart.

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On 8/25/2019 at 11:07 AM, Carmie said:

Hi India, 

 

I’m so very sorry for your struggles. How are you doing? Have you been able to get out of bed? I spend a lot of time in bed due to my illness, it’s just been part of my life for about 25 years. I find things to help me distract from how awful I feel most of the time. Withdrawals on top of everything else doesn’t help. All one can do is take a day at a time, a minute at a time if need be. 

 

I try and focus on the things that are still positives in my life too, some days that’s easier than other days, but there are always things I’m grateful for. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

@Carmie I never did reply to this.  Apologies to everyone. There seems to be lots of issues around my retaining and sorting of information on a page. For instance, I look at my page but I get overwhelmed, my brain hurts and refuses to sequence. I recall primacy and recency effects in memory. I guess these are all working memory issues ( but conceptual too??)-- making it hard to reply despite wanting to reply. I wondered if it was my will but I don't think it's will. I think it is definitely an executive functioning issue . It seems I can write in one direction if that thought comes. It can take me weeks to be able to reply to an email- as if my brain cannot register what to do?

It is so bizarre. It really is like a bloc-- like I have dressing in the morning ( picking clothes-- I can't envisage them). Anyone who has had this and a working theory.

 I am determined to reply-- this is going at a snail's pace.

 

Thank you for your reply which always provides solace.

On the subject of the bed. Much like you bed has been a solace. I think that somehow we need to embrace this- as hard as it is. To accept illness as part of one's identity and human experience. It's uniqueness. What can be transformed once accepted. If I could do this ,aaaah, but it's a daily battle. Frida Kahlo, the sculptor Chihulhy and Roy Orbison. The other side of life, that we struggle with. Scars, illness, blindness etc.... There is a beauty to it as much as there is suffering. My heart bleeds for that side of life. 

At the moment, I am in a mix of up and about and bed bound for days... Symptoms are consistent with one window 2 days ago for 30 minutes whilst walking around the wetlands ( a beautiful manmade lake). The cognitive issues are the same. I am dealing with symptoms. Sometimes it';s all a blur---- I can't make head or tail of it.

How are you?

 

I watch a lot of HOMELAND. I'm on season 7. I find myself addicted yet simulataenously triggered by the storyline of Carrie's meds and the psychiatric profession. The way her brilliance is seen as an illness in need of taming-- ECT no less. Last night I shouted out at the psychiatrist on screen. "Dangerous". I sent @intothewoods some photos of the wetlands lake and my area. I also saw some beautiful photos of @intothewoods garden. Somehow I link you together like sisters. I need to retrieve the posts and keep up to date. I must say @intothewoods proficiency and yours at responses puts me to shame.

On 8/30/2019 at 5:56 AM, hayduke said:

My intuition is that neuroplasticity is likely to restore these faculties better as we come off and heal.

 

@hayduke  Thank you for this reassurance because it is the reassurance I hope for. Perhaps writing it ourselves reassures us also? I know I write it, then need it. I have found lots of collararies with brain injury though I know it's a different animal. So interesting to hear that things are restoring as you drop.

Glad to hear you are expressing the anger. Is it not an act of self esteem? To feel indignant at the damage. To believe that your quality of life, your human experience was sacred somehow. Tell me you news about your outlets and WD? 

My outlets are walking in nature-and listening to sitar music -- devotional indian music. I am not religious but I like some aspects of religious experience, catholic iconography and deities, I had hare krishna friends so I've been to a few ceremonies. George Harrison was a famous hare krisha-- hence the song "My sweet lord" about Krishna in the Vedic Scriptures.  It that sense of transcendence. I travelled a fair bit in my early twenties- India, Asia, South America. A bit of a hippie at heart. Bohemia.

Other outlets are here.

Who else gets my anger?? I worry About the loss of credibility. How about you? Or anyone.

 

Halfway through this my brain aches-- a definite symptom shared by brain injury sufferers.

 

@Erell I give you my hand. It's my favourite phrase. So beautiful and loving. How are you? Sorry I have been unable to read your updates. One of my symptoms is cognitive problems so it is really hard to read through posts. How is the wild sea? Mer de sauvage?

 

@jozeff Just like you I have started my taper. How is it going. I totally understand. It is hard enough to look after oneself on this nightmarish ride. I still remember how you helped me in the early days with your posts so thank you. How are the kids/babies? I had an almightly row with my lover last night. I thought of you because my symptoms flared. Previously I had been in total self-imposed exile. It must be hard to negotiate the ups and downs of a relationship. It is hard for those o.n the outside to understand this alternate reality we occupy.

 

@Len189 Thank you for dropping by. It helps so much. The waves can be hard. How are you?

 

@Gemma92 I think of you everyday. I know how you have suffered. I don't know exactly but it truly is suffering . I want to see your success story one day. @intothewoods helped me so much saying to me-- "One day we will write our success stories". I want to extend that to you. Let us all hold onto the raft with all our might. 

 

@composter Thank you for your reassurance and examples. You help me to chuckle at my own statement. An actress friend of mine ( now lost due to this WD) once said to me, "You are a very funny woman". I used to hate being called eccentric but I learnt to embrace it, like bohemian. It is also part of the british psyche- humour and the ability to laugh at oneself.  I think Stevie did suffer huge after effects it seems-- she says 9 years she was ill? BUt yes, the hell of such a quick taper. Maybe the piece is edited-- we don't know if she did or not experience years of injury from that. I do know a girl who came off her antidepressants after 10 years in just 3 months and didn't have a symptom.

 

I do worry about the future-- I have ongoing physical issues due to the trauma 3 conditions-- -- so the fear of not having children is multi-facted even because of my physical weaknesses. Right now those-- I am on the sofa alot of the time-- so I have to accept my current reality . Winter is here and I haven't been swimming. Swimming helkped me feel as if I was at least strenghtening. Also, the only exercise I can do becuase I can't be near other people and I am dyspraxic so I can't follow instructions and i have injuries- like a functional scoliosis due to severe stress. I walk in nature though.  You are right though, the future is uncertain. How are you this week?

 

I do find the fear flares up everyday, like a big tsunami. Fear of everything. Grief, sadness, loss. It is a mind bending experience. 

I pray my cogntive capacities come back.

 

Currently I am down to 5.1mg and plan to hold for 4-6 weeks. This was a 7/8% decrease over 4 weeks.

 

Symptoms are derealization this evening. High anxiety.

 

I caanot believe I got through that-- hard because my coordination is kapput. I feel like I am writing down a telescope the wrong way. Anyone get that?

 

I would one day like to see services that help people like us. It is truly a miracle that I didn't kill myself along the way. I know I will not-- but the terror was excrutiating. There have been improvements and adjustments. 

Like warriors, we keep going.

 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator
13 hours ago, India said:

 

@hayduke  Thank you for this reassurance because it is the reassurance I hope for. Perhaps writing it ourselves reassures us also? I know I write it, then need it. I have found lots of collararies with brain injury though I know it's a different animal. So interesting to hear that things are restoring as you drop.

Glad to hear you are expressing the anger. Is it not an act of self esteem? To feel indignant at the damage. To believe that your quality of life, your human experience was sacred somehow. Tell me you news about your outlets and WD? 

My outlets are walking in nature-and listening to sitar music -- devotional indian music. I am not religious but I like some aspects of religious experience, catholic iconography and deities, I had hare krishna friends so I've been to a few ceremonies. George Harrison was a famous hare krisha-- hence the song "My sweet lord" about Krishna in the Vedic Scriptures.  It that sense of transcendence. I travelled a fair bit in my early twenties- India, Asia, South America. A bit of a hippie at heart. Bohemia.

Other outlets are here.

Who else gets my anger?? I worry About the loss of credibility. How about you? Or anyone.

 

Halfway through this my brain aches-- a definite symptom shared by brain injury sufferers.

 

 

Yeah, they keep finding neuroplasticity is much more routine than they used to think...previously the idea was it stopped around 25 or so.  Thankfully that just isn't the case.  Meditation, yoga, microdosing is a popular one in some circles now (with the usual caveats).  Apparently Lion's Mane (trad. Chinese mushroom) is good for that too but I figured I might try that some time after my taper rather than be a test pilot for that just now.  My understanding is that each time you stabilise after a cut, that's some neuroplasticity having done its work to adjust to the cut.  There is certainly room for some non-corporate research to be done here!

Yeah the anger is huge.  I believe it's common but my family was never tolerant of anger being expressed.  So unhealthy.  My psychologist has been helpful with expressing it safely - because yeah looking at the totality of how short-changed we have been when looking for help with our problems, it is nothing short of enraging.  So I exercise.  I write.  Writing is good because you can pour it out, then work it into something presentable later on which might turn out to help others.  You can kick and punch some cardboard boxes or something!  I found a comedy virtual reality game called Drunken Bar Fight which has been very satisfying a couple of times when I'd really had enough.  Plus it makes you laugh...just don't knock everything in the lounge over as well 🙂

 

Walking in nature is the best, I went to the beach after work today and it just makes everything ok.

 

Music also another huge one for me, you might like this station https://somafm.com/dronezone/

 

And yes, there really needs to be proper help for people faced with these sorts of problems.  Being told you're broken, stigmatised and drugged with poisons is just adding more injury to the initial trauma - opposite of the hippocratic oath.  It really is a mass atrocity. Listening to the podcast All In The Mind here on the ABC (I believe the BBC does the same idea as well) some of the people being interviewed give me the picture that this is all gradually becoming above ground.  I just wish it would all happen faster....and with large corporates and their lobby groups they won't give up too easy.  But we'll get there.

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own.  

Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one"

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

Backdrop:  2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole

2015: olanzapine  10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg  by crude pill cutter

2018:  Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold

Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214  -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂

Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg 1wk after Jul 100mg Aug-Dec 75mg/4wks

Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^

Jan-Feb 2024 cross taper off shots to 1mg risperidone

 

Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thrown back into a wave. 😢

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear india 

 

My hand is still holding yours, as my thoughts are with you.

This wave Will pass ❤

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Hello India, I've been following your thread as I am in WD from Citalopram. Sending good wishes your way, from another London resident.

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello. Woke up from a half asleep trance with severe limb pain and pain all over body. Very much like ppl describe with fibromyalgia . I go up and down like a pinball machine. 

My frontal lobe just leaves me with confusion . I often feel I have no one, and that no one cares. Then I remember I do have people around me but often I cannot get the brain to write to people who have responded to me. I often repeat and believe I am totally alone. It defies logic?

But the emotional pain is real.

it is like feeling like a child that has lost his mother- such grief.

until I can write more - the pain is too much. Thank you for those who’ve written on my thread and thank you to you know who for your beautiful emails.

 

i have also been waking up with a kind of temporary amnesia.. scary 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
Link to comment

I think I have damage in the  frontal lobe of the brain,.

I have all these symptoms. 
I can't remember anything or keep things in my working memory. I can't carry out so many easy tasks.

 

I can walk, I am grateful for that. I can swim. I can see. i am grateful, but I don't want to feel constantly concussed as I have for 17 months now.

I want to be able to write back to everyone here. 

I want to be able to write letters again and read books.

I'd better stop myself going down this path. I have to try tp focus on my benefit application which is so hard , somethign so easy now so hard. The rage is strong.

 

https://www.headway.org.uk/about-brain-injury/individuals/effects-of-brain-injury/executive-dysfunction/

Executive dysfunction after brain injury

Executive dysfunction is a term for the range of cognitive, emotional and behavioural difficulties which often occur after injury to the frontal lobes of the brain. Impairment of executive functions is common after acquired brain injury and has a profound effect on many aspects of everyday life.

This page explains what executive functions are, why they are so important and which part of the brain is responsible for controlling them. It then provides an overview of the causes, effects, assessment and rehabilitation of executive dysfunction. Some general coping strategies are also suggested to help brain injury survivors to compensate for impairments.

What are executive functions?

Executive functioning is an umbrella term for many abilities including:

  • Planning and organisation
  • Flexible thinking
  • Monitoring performance
  • Multi-tasking
  • Solving unusual problems
  • Self-awareness
  • Learning rules
  • Social behaviour
  • Making decisions
  • Motivation
  • Initiating appropriate behaviour
  • Inhibiting inappropriate behaviour
  • Controlling emotions
  • Concentrating and taking in information

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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On 11/24/2019 at 12:27 PM, sunnysideup69 said:

Hello India, I've been following your thread as I am in WD from Citalopram. Sending good wishes your way, from another London resident.

thank you. you are welcome here. Currently goign through frustrations as my lack of ability in the cognitive department. I have made progress and I ought to be grateful for it. Tell me about yourself. We have two factors in common @sunnysideup69

 

@hayduke sorry for my lack of response. I like reading your responses. I take it in at the time.. I can go weeks not having the ability to retain and respond to a message. I can't contain the information in my brain.

Some wonderful tips.

How are you?

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
Link to comment
16 hours ago, India said:

thank you. you are welcome here. Currently goign through frustrations as my lack of ability in the cognitive department. I have made progress and I ought to be grateful for it. Tell me about yourself. We have two factors in common @sunnysideup69

 

@hayduke sorry for my lack of response. I like reading your responses. I take it in at the time.. I can go weeks not having the ability to retain and respond to a message. I can't contain the information in my brain.

Some wonderful tips.

How are you?

Thank you India. Well, there's two of me...at the moment, I feel like there's WD me and then normal me. Im pretty sure you will instinctively know what WD me is like. Me when normal is a teacher with a psychotherapy qualification. Not using that currently, as am focussing on getting through this. I like running, exercising, yogaing and meditation, gardening. Dancing. Generally quite sociable but not so much over the last year. Single, live in NW London in my little cave. How about you?

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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