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Where are all the success stories? Does nobody ever heal?

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Hellbutrin
22 hours ago, MiguelFreeman said:

Stop the negativity you did (Pardon my french) A stupid taper of fewer than 2 months what are you expecting to feel good only after what 8 months or more? I Ct and had to reinstate and it took 3 months or more to stabilize and ion this drugs a lot less time than you 

+ i am doing a very slow taper (yes i am suffering like hell fighting suicidal feelings and depression ) but I refuse to give up and you shude refuse 2 , remember the older you are the longer it takes to recover especially on your circumstances pls be strong and let time do its thing I was like you wondering if I will be like this permanent but guess what I refuse to give up and I refuse to accept defeat and soo shude you  

I know we all suffer but I am sick of people already giving up I am 19 y old it shude be the older people in here to lift the young people because you guys have a lot more experience 

 

 

I am not here to offend you but pls don't give up and don't think negatively it will only keep you down 

Yes, I did do a "stupid" taper. But I was told by my DOCTOR that skipping doses was an appropriate way to taper, and I should be fine limiting my taper to eight weeks. If I had known the hellish terror that would ensue from this ignorance I would have extended my taper to at least a year, but unfortunately it's too late to go back on that decision now. But telling someone that they are "stupid" for their taper isn't helpful or encouraging. Don't patronize me by telling me that my its my responsibility to be an encouragement to others because of my age (I'm 28 btw) everyone here is suffering regardless of how old they are. Yes, I do feel like constantly giving up, but victim blaming doesn't help me feel better about my situation. I'm not giving up, but that doesn't mean that the thought doesn't cross my mind EVERYDAY. 

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Hellbutrin

I don't know if I would 

23 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

.  What really amazes me are the people really suffering who are finding the bright side. A lot of people on here experience windows.  Have you had any of those? Maybe it’s an attitude thing. I keep waiting for a window. After reading through your posts it looks like you’ve had consistent waves and windows. So, you’ll probably be just fine. I’d be happy if I was in this type of pattern.  And you can cry? Wow. 

I don't know if I would really refer to my experience as "waves and windows", it's more like periods of feeling like hell alternating with periods of contemplating suicide just to escape feeling like hell. 

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Downbutnotout

I’ve been reading sheps journey.,that’s inspirational. Look at the bright side, you’re able to cry. I did have a period of 2 hours yesterday where I felt encouraged and could eat. At least I’m not real anxious today..

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Mimi11

Hey Hellbutrin, 6.5 months off is rather early in the WD game. But don't give up! Healing does happen, but it's slow and symptoms are constantly evolving- at least that's been my experience. Keep a journal of your symptoms so that you can look back 6 months from now and see how far you've come. Find a success story, and bookmark it. Read it as often as you need to. Your body is on a mission to get back to factory settings, never doubt that. Eat uber healthy and clean. Move your body each day. Do things that calm your nervous system. Use SA for advice on how to manage symptoms, but don't get too caught up in the lack of success stories. I had a nice window for a while and honestly this site was the last thing on my mind. I was just so happy to feel good and enjoy my life. Hang in there! 

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Mimi11

I had some of the symptoms you mention in your signature:

insomnia----.>gone!

congestion----->gone!

terrible memory----->much improved!

morning cortisol spikes------>gone!

crying spells/depression------>gone!

 

I hope this helps. 

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FarmGirlWorks
36 minutes ago, Mimi11 said:

Hey Hellbutrin, 6.5 months off is rather early in the WD game. But don't give up! Healing does happen, but it's slow and symptoms are constantly evolving- at least that's been my experience. Keep a journal of your symptoms so that you can look back 6 months from now and see how far you've come. Find a success story, and bookmark it. Read it as often as you need to. Your body is on a mission to get back to factory settings, never doubt that. Eat uber healthy and clean. Move your body each day. Do things that calm your nervous system. Use SA for advice on how to manage symptoms, but don't get too caught up in the lack of success stories. I had a nice window for a while and honestly this site was the last thing on my mind. I was just so happy to feel good and enjoy my life. Hang in there! 

So good to hear, Mimi!

31 minutes ago, Mimi11 said:

insomnia----.>gone!

congestion----->gone!

terrible memory----->much improved!

morning cortisol spikes------>gone!

crying spells/depression------>gone!

And esp. good to see this. I am in an insomnia/depression phase which is how WD evolved at present. However, the cortisol spikes seem to be gone (knock on wood) and the terrible memory is better. Goodness, we are so strong. Today marks 10 months SSRI-free after a crazy fast taper (essentially CT).

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Mimi11

We sure are! Congrats on 10 months! 

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nz11

Maybe that's why we should all tell our tapr difficulties to the Scottish govt.

see my drug sig for details.

nz11

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dj2010
7 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

So good to hear, Mimi!

And esp. good to see this. I am in an insomnia/depression phase which is how WD evolved at present. However, the cortisol spikes seem to be gone (knock on wood) and the terrible memory is better. Goodness, we are so strong. Today marks 10 months SSRI-free after a crazy fast taper (essentially CT).

well done on making the 10 month mark! our situation seems quite similar, I hit the 10 month mark next week and I am also in the insomnia phase, keep up the healing!

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FarmGirlWorks
12 hours ago, dj2010 said:

well done on making the 10 month mark! our situation seems quite similar, I hit the 10 month mark next week and I am also in the insomnia phase, keep up the healing!

Ah, happy early anniversary. Good to hear that another person is having similar symptoms at 10 months out. I "studied" (actually, it was just drinking a lot) in Manchester for 6 months in college. The weather there was similar to Seattle -- grey and rainy. I have a feeling when we sboth start hitting some sun patches, things will improve.

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Hellbutrin
20 hours ago, Mimi11 said:

I had some of the symptoms you mention in your signature:

insomnia----.>gone!

congestion----->gone!

terrible memory----->much improved!

morning cortisol spikes------>gone!

crying spells/depression------>gone!

 

I hope this helps. 

Hi Mimi, 

 

This helps tremendously knowing that you experienced so many of the same symptoms as me and they eventually went away. Can you give me more information on how far into withdrawal it was before you noticed these symptoms going away? Was it a sudden turning of a corner or did it gradually improve? Do you struggle with anhedonia also? I haven't felt any positive emotion for the entirety of the 6 months that I've been in withdrawal and it makes life really not that worth living. This is one symptom along with the depression that I can't wait to see go!

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Hellbutrin
12 hours ago, dj2010 said:

well done on making the 10 month mark! our situation seems quite similar, I hit the 10 month mark next week and I am also in the insomnia phase, keep up the healing!

This is encouraging! Did you also struggle with anhedonia and depression, if so, when did you notice this start to dissipate?

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Hellbutrin
17 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Ah, happy early anniversary. Good to hear that another person is having similar symptoms at 10 months out. I "studied" (actually, it was just drinking a lot) in Manchester for 6 months in college. The weather there was similar to Seattle -- grey and rainy. I have a feeling when we sboth start hitting some sun patches, things will improve.

Yes, this grey weather is the absolute worst for this withdrawal nonsense.

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MiguelFreeman
On 03/02/2018 at 7:59 PM, Hellbutrin said:

Yes, I did do a "stupid" taper. But I was told by my DOCTOR that skipping doses was an appropriate way to taper, and I should be fine limiting my taper to eight weeks. If I had known the hellish terror that would ensue from this ignorance I would have extended my taper to at least a year, but unfortunately it's too late to go back on that decision now. But telling someone that they are "stupid" for their taper isn't helpful or encouraging. Don't patronize me by telling me that my its my responsibility to be an encouragement to others because of my age (I'm 28 btw) everyone here is suffering regardless of how old they are. Yes, I do feel like constantly giving up, but victim blaming doesn't help me feel better about my situation. I'm not giving up, but that doesn't mean that the thought doesn't cross my mind EVERYDAY. 

it wasn't my intention to put you down really I was trying some hard love you tocher you up don't give up it's a hard battle but we got this 

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Mimi11

I definitely had some depression and just difficulty managing my emotions. I think it's referred to as neuro-emotions on here. I don't recall exactly when, but by the one year mark, maybe sooner,  my emotions and mood really stabilized. The congestion, cortisol spikes and memory/concentration issues were definitely much better after the first year. The insomnia didn't hit until around the 16 month mark. Can't recall how long it lasted. It was several months I'm sure, but gradually started to get better. The other ones that improved gradually were memory/concentration and cortisol spikes. The congestion just up and left suddenly. 

I hope this helps!

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dj2010
10 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Ah, happy early anniversary. Good to hear that another person is having similar symptoms at 10 months out. I "studied" (actually, it was just drinking a lot) in Manchester for 6 months in college. The weather there was similar to Seattle -- grey and rainy. I have a feeling when we sboth start hitting some sun patches, things will improve.

thanks FarmGirl, yes its grey and rainy at the moment but will start warming up a bit in around a month, I  am certain things will improve a lot also when sun starts coming out, I always seems to sleep better when been out in the sun, it might be down to getting vitamin D from the sun, take care

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dj2010
10 hours ago, Hellbutrin said:

This is encouraging! Did you also struggle with anhedonia and depression, if so, when did you notice this start to dissipate?

h Hellbutrin, yes I had anhedonia, I have wrote about it a bit on my thread a few times, I noticed it start to get better quite a few months ago but really noticed it get better over this xmas when I started to enjoy playing video games again, at one point I sold my games console and all games as was getting zero enjoyment, take good care

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FarmGirlWorks
23 hours ago, Hellbutrin said:

Yes, this grey weather is the absolute worst for this withdrawal nonsense.

Yup, it truly is. I look for the shoots coming up to remind me that spring is near.

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Hellbutrin
On 2/5/2018 at 1:03 AM, dj2010 said:

h Hellbutrin, yes I had anhedonia, I have wrote about it a bit on my thread a few times, I noticed it start to get better quite a few months ago but really noticed it get better over this xmas when I started to enjoy playing video games again, at one point I sold my games console and all games as was getting zero enjoyment, take good care

How long did you have anhedonia before you noticed it started to get better?

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dj2010
37 minutes ago, Hellbutrin said:

How long did you have anhedonia before you noticed it started to get better?

From looking over my thread I can see that I had it since beginning my taper around June 2016 up until August 2017 which is when I was able to start enjoying movies and tv again, it is still not 100% now though but I am sure when my sleep returns to normal then it will be, slept over 8 hours Saturday night and over 7 and half hours Sunday night and felt great but last night only got 4 hours and been awake since 2am, body aching and feel awful, been on sofa watching netflix most of day,

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Hellbutrin
On 2/6/2018 at 9:54 AM, dj2010 said:

From looking over my thread I can see that I had it since beginning my taper around June 2016 up until August 2017 which is when I was able to start enjoying movies and tv again, it is still not 100% now though but I am sure when my sleep returns to normal then it will be, slept over 8 hours Saturday night and over 7 and half hours Sunday night and felt great but last night only got 4 hours and been awake since 2am, body aching and feel awful, been on sofa watching netflix most of day,

This is great to hear that it did eventually improve for you. I get so panicky when I think about all of the things that this drug has taken from me. How can drugs that quite literally STEAL your happiness continue to be given to unsuspecting people? Before I took this poison I was empathetic, kind, loving and understanding, and now it's all I can do to fake my way through my days trying to pretend that I care about things. Did you lose your feelings for your friends and family during the time that you had anhedonia?

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dj2010
7 hours ago, Hellbutrin said:

This is great to hear that it did eventually improve for you. I get so panicky when I think about all of the things that this drug has taken from me. How can drugs that quite literally STEAL your happiness continue to be given to unsuspecting people? 

yes I understand this, even though I have still lived a decent life and had many life experiences I am still pissed that I haven't been able to fully enjoy it all because emotions blunted by the meds,

 

7 hours ago, Hellbutrin said:

Before I took this poison I was empathetic, kind, loving and understanding, and now it's all I can do to fake my way through my days trying to pretend that I care about things. Did you lose your feelings for your friends and family during the time that you had anhedonia?

 

all your feelings will come back with time so try not to panic, you are still very early in withdrawal, a lot of people usually say they didn't start feeling better until year 2, you are only at 7 months

 

7 hours ago, Hellbutrin said:

Did you lose your feelings for your friends and family during the time that you had anhedonia?

 

yes I had little feelings and didn't care about anyone except my children who I have always had strong feeling for, emotions are now much stronger and are continuing to get stronger,

 

take care

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lavendertealatte

I stopped posting once I was feeling okay-- I completely forgot about this site.

I just finished my taper though and I'm having withdrawal symptoms again, so now I'm back.  Forums probably aren't the best places to find success stories.  I wish we could hear more of them though.  Maybe blogs?

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NobodySpecial

I've only ever turned to a forum when I'm in desperate need of relief or support. When I've felt better, I'm usually off doing everything that I was terrified I'd be unable to do.

 

Something that I have to remind myself is that I'll never find the concrete confirmation that I'll be okay if I come off my particular medication, at my particular dose and with my particular symptoms.

 

Maybe when you've fully recovered, you can be that voice of reassurance that you wanted while you were sick?

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Trichotomous

The anxiety, cortisol spikes, and insomnia faded after two full years. I bet I could have brought it under control sooner had I known about DHEA.

 

I can still suffer from cortisol spikes and insomnia if I have an especially bad day at work. It has to be really bad, though.

 

When this happens, I can take an iodine pill to calm down.

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Hellbutrin
46 minutes ago, Trichotomous said:

The anxiety, cortisol spikes, and insomnia faded after two full years. I bet I could have brought it under control sooner had I known about DHEA.

 

I can still suffer from cortisol spikes and insomnia if I have an especially bad day at work. It has to be really bad, though.

 

When this happens, I can take an iodine pill to calm down.

Did you also struggle with depression and anhedonia? I struggle to feel any positive feelings. I either feel down and depressed all of the time or I feel nothing at all. It's terrifying and I wish I could know for sure that it will eventually go away. 

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Hellbutrin
17 hours ago, NobodySpecial said:

I've only ever turned to a forum when I'm in desperate need of relief or support. When I've felt better, I'm usually off doing everything that I was terrified I'd be unable to do.

 

Something that I have to remind myself is that I'll never find the concrete confirmation that I'll be okay if I come off my particular medication, at my particular dose and with my particular symptoms.

 

Maybe when you've fully recovered, you can be that voice of reassurance that you wanted while you were sick?

Yeah, I agree that the concrete confirmation doesn't necessarily exist. But knowing that this depression will eventually get better is ALL I care about. I can't stand feeling like this forever, this condition REALLY tests your resolve to live through anything. I can't imagine a condition worse than a condition that quite literally STEALS your ability to feel joy. It doesn't help that I don't see a lot of reports from people that have totally recovered from anhedonia, which leads me to believe that it's a condition that lasts the longest through out withdrawal. 

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Trichotomous
11 hours ago, Hellbutrin said:

Did you also struggle with depression and anhedonia? I struggle to feel any positive feelings. I either feel down and depressed all of the time or I feel nothing at all. It's terrifying and I wish I could know for sure that it will eventually go away. 

 

No, not in the way many of you do. I was likely misdiagnosed with chronic depression. I have always been unusually edgy, which can eventually lead to depressive emotions and actions. Facets of my youth would lead one to think I suffered with depression.

 

I'm just stuck with a brain that can't slow down very well.

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bluebird

When I first found this forum I read every success story over and over. It was like being thrown a life jacket in the middle of a stormy sea. I should have come on before now and reported the progress I have made. It is hard to explain but it feels a little scary coming back and seeing so much suffering, but I need to let people know that there absolutely is hope. Never give up. Every day you are making progress, your body is healing.It is such a slow process, it is hard to see. I have to remind myself to look back occasionally. A year ago my brain felt scrambled and I was so agitated much of the time I was unable to even read a book. Before this happened I read three books per week, it was one of the joys of my life. I thought that was gone forever. This week I am reading a book and I was able to find the grocery store without using google map. HUGE SUCCESS. I still struggle with despair and anxiety in different degrees, but there are some lifting of symptoms. I am getting better and so will you. Don't give up

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ChessieCat

Hi bluebird and welcome to SA,

 

It would be great if you would create your own Intro topic so the members can read more about your experiences and provide support.  Introductions and updates

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Downbutnotout
On 2/18/2018 at 2:18 PM, bluebird said:

When I first found this forum I read every success story over and over. It was like being thrown a life jacket in the middle of a stormy sea. I should have come on before now and reported the progress I have made. It is hard to explain but it feels a little scary coming back and seeing so much suffering, but I need to let people know that there absolutely is hope. Never give up. Every day you are making progress, your body is healing.It is such a slow process, it is hard to see. I have to remind myself to look back occasionally. A year ago my brain felt scrambled and I was so agitated much of the time I was unable to even read a book. Before this happened I read three books per week, it was one of the joys of my life. I thought that was gone forever. This week I am reading a book and I was able to find the grocery store without using google map. HUGE SUCCESS. I still struggle with despair and anxiety in different degrees, but there are some lifting of symptoms. I am getting better and so will you. Don't give up

It’s nice to see some people find hope. 

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ChessieCat

Something I thought of yesterday:

 

We don't stay in hospital when we are well.

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Mimi11

I'll add that I've recently noticed an improvement too. Quick background: have been off meds for 29 months. Was on cipralex/celexa for well over 10 yrs. In the past year, year and a half, I have been unable to properly nap. As soon as I would start to fall asleep, my body would jolt awake. This would happen over and over until I'd usually give up on the nap. Well, in the past couple of weeks, I can nap again. I do not jolt awake and can get some rest. So yes, progress and healing is happening. It's slow, but even if you don't feel it happening, it is. Hang in there!

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Downbutnotout

It’s nice to take naps.

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Cressida
Posted (edited)
On 03/02/2018 at 3:52 AM, Hellbutrin said:

I was just feeling a little disheartened by the disparity between how many people post on this site and how many write success stories. I know that this could mean that people just don't want to return to the site because the memory of withdrawal is so painful for them once they've recovered. But it's also scary knowing that another reason for the lack of success reports could be that people have a really difficult time healing and more often times than not it takes YEARS to heal. I've been off for 6 and a half months and I'm still dealing with brutal mental symptoms, and it's discouraging that when I REALLY need to read reports from people that have recovered, and I end up reading the same 5 stories that I've already read hundreds of times. Is it possible that some people just DON'T heal from this and we need to learn to live with the new circumstances that we've been dealt? I know this post is a little depressing, but I could really use some encouragement. Thanks to any of you that can provide feedback and/or reassurance. 

 

I ve been off Paxil completely after a short taper from 10mg for six and a half years.  I had a hellish withdrawal as many of you describe. 3 years post and starting to heal I went through a very stressful period and started having a couple of glasses of wine each night to help cope. Big mistake. I stopped it when I realized what was happening and was catapulted back to the beginning but WORSE. 6 months later picking up a bit someone bought me a Nutribullet and for three days I was drinking smoothies made with lots of fruit/berries, straight back to hell. At this point I learned about histamine intolerance, modified my diet and have slowly but steadily improved since. I don't believe it would have taken me this long if I hadn't had those two mammoth set backs.

 

So where am I now ? Hugely improved from the early days when I not only could not set foot outside my house but was completely terrified inside it.  I have a discernible windows and waves pattern. Windows of months when I am almost my old self, about 80%. The ear pulsing that started with the wine episode has been with me 24/7 since then, but is now only in one ear, not as loud and the volume goes up and down with muscle tension. My waves are rather like other people get cold sores, triggered by stress. Am in one now. Had a bit of a medical emergency, lost blood, now anaemic (on iron) but tons better than if it had happened in the early days. So, in a wave I return to cortisol mornings ( and during the night ) but not as bad, my anxiety goes up, I feel crap. I nurture myself, eg asked a friend to do my banking for me yesterday as the whole parking queuing thing would not have done me any good.Had a couple of days when felt so awful and frightened that I got up and showered, dressed before my partner went to work like the bad old days. But this morning I stayed in bed drank tea and watched the news. In a week after high stress the wave is starting to subside.

 

From being unable to leave the house I have recently driven myself to the other end of the country to stay with my son, alone, a massive achievement for me ( triggered a month long wave). I used to sit in the hairdressers feeling so awful I wanted to call an ambulance. I enjoy going now. I realise I was horrible to my husband for years with neuro emotions , now am back to normal . So I am much improved but not out of the woods completely.  If I reach the point where all my symptoms have gone I won't be the same person I have been through too much. I don't mean worse or diminished, but I take steps as far as possible to avoid stress. I lead a sensible life. I rejoice when spring comes and the daffodils come as I ve made it through another year. If I reach the point of considering myself completely healed I couldn't identify with the word "success".  I may have somehow endured and made it out the other side but I have gone through years of hell when I could have enjoyed a normal life and I can't get that time back. Maybe that's why people don't write success stories. Don't get me wrong much of the time I am enjoying myself, I only dip in here when having a wave but don't really identify with what most of you are saying because I am not in that place anymore. Most of you will heal a lot faster than I did and I do hope so . It does get better. I believe complete healing is not only possible but likely. But success ? Not the word I would choose.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added spacing

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