Dabhob33: introduction

[Dabhob33]

Thank you power

 

im sorry you’re having a rough time as well.  

 

Dont know what to do anymore.  But have to keep pushing forward.  

[powerback]

14 minutes ago, Dabhob33 said:

Thank you power

 

im sorry you’re having a rough time as well.  

 

Dont know what to do anymore.  But have to keep pushing forward.  

Your welcome D ,I'm aware it seems I'm matching a situation all the time ,I don't mean it like that ,I just want to let you know your not alone ,we didn't ask for this crap so we need to have serious compassion for ourselves  ,if we put ourselves under  extreme pressure to meet others needs  we are going to be in serious trouble and worse off .your going to have to give yourself a break and try   forget everything [I know impossible ].

I got myself out of a huge spiral today that a year ago would of escalated into a panic attack ,my neuro emotions ripped me apart ,I nearly had myself convinced to walk away from were I live .its far from ideal but could be worse .I'm my own worst enemy .

Exactly keep pushing forward and stick in some healthy distraction for yourself and bar the mother in-laws number  

[Carmie]

Just read your thread. I can see why your body is in such chaos. On n off meds and different doses. I’ve got a history like that too before I knew anything about withdrawals. Have been tapering seroquel for years now with the cut n hold method. Withdrawals can get really bad but what I’ve learnt in this process is don’t taper too soon and let your holds be as long as they need to be. A couple of times I tapered under less than a month n the withdrawals were worse and then I had to hold much longer and didn’t really cover any ground.

 

i think the thing I’ve learnt is do things really slow. I’m thinking of doing the tiniest of microtapers next. Have never done that before. I hope your body reaches some kind of homeostasis soon. I’m still withdrawing from my last taper so will be holding for quite a while. I find too occasionally even when withdrawals have settled quite a bit that I hold even longer and give my myself a break. Will take forever to get off these meds but if I go too fast the akathisia is unbearable. Slow n steady does it

 

Take care

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

6 hours ago, Dabhob33 said:

- I notice I get more anxious an hour after I take each 5mg dose of valium.

 

What is your Valium schedule? Please discuss this in the Benzo forum.

 

You will need to tell your relatives to mind their own business.

[Dabhob33]

Thank you Carmie

 

It sounds like we’re kindred spirits with our tapers.   I’m really trying to be patient with my valium taper.  Holding since 3/15/18, after dropping from 20mg to 10mg since starting my taper in Oct 2017.  

 

When I restart the taper, I will micro taper dry scale.   With goal of being off in 8-10 months.  

[Carmie]

Hi again, this sounds way too fast to me still,  seeing all the problems you’ve had with it in the past. I am tapering off seroquel n I’m going to be microtapering by the minutest amounts by dissolving my capsule in 300ml of water. I will only be going down by 1.4mg every four months. You can check this out under my page “ Microtapering Here I Come”.  I learnt how to do this from a Youtube video of someone who got off benzos but she used 230ml of water. The more water you add, the smaller the doses you can remove each day. It’s not worth going too fast, I can see how much pain you’ve been in through your thread. Would hate to see you get worse. Took me forever to figure out the math though. You’re on a different dose than me so if u decide to do it this way you might need to get someone to help you with the math. My brain nearly exploded trying to figure it out🙂. 

 

Am am I allowed to tell you what the name of the Youtube video is that I watched on doing it like this, with just removing just tiny bits of water every day. I’ve watched a few on water titration but she makes it so simple. Not sure if we are allowed to add links here, and besides that I haven’t got a clue how to add a link but I can give u the name of the YouTube video if I can find it again. I’m not all that computer savvy😃

 

 

[Dabhob33]

20 minutes ago, Carmie said:

Hi again, this sounds way too fast to me still,  seeing all the problems you’ve had with it in the past. I am tapering off seroquel n I’m going to be microtapering by the minutest amounts by dissolving my capsule in 300ml of water. I will only be going down by 1.4mg every four months. You can check this out under my page “ Microtapering Here I Come”.  I learnt how to do this from a Youtube video of someone who got off benzos but she used 230ml of water. The more water you add, the smaller the doses you can remove each day. It’s not worth going too fast, I can see how much pain you’ve been in through your thread. Would hate to see you get worse. Took me forever to figure out the math though. You’re on a different dose than me so if u decide to do it this way you might need to get someone to help you with the math. My brain nearly exploded trying to figure it out🙂. 

 

Am am I allowed to tell you what the name of the Youtube video is that I watched on doing it like this, with just removing just tiny bits of water every day. I’ve watched a few on water titration but she makes it so simple. Not sure if we are allowed to add links here, and besides that I haven’t got a clue how to add a link but I can give u the name of the YouTube video if I can find it again. I’m not all that computer savvy😃

 

 

Thank you Carmie.  

 

Im actually at 10mg valium right now.  

Not sure what percentage drop I should make with the dry scale taper when ready.  

 

I have the scale and ready to go once I get the green light from admin team.   

 

I believe they’re going to help me figure out the taper plan. 

[Carmie]

Sounds good. Just checked info and it’s okay to post YouTube videos. Check out Use Water To Taper Your Benzo by Benzo Brains. I know you’re using a digital scale, pleeease go slow and hold when u have to and sometimes hold longer than u have to. Don’t rush.

 

Wishing you all the best and will keep checking up on your progress. I’ve been tapering the seroquel at around 4% to 5% recently but sometimes people have to go even slower. What I would really like to say to you, no matter what type of taper you do pleeease make the long holds. Sometimes just because you think you’re doing okay you start your next taper. Not always good, as withdrawals from the last taper may hit later. 

 

Take care 

 

Thats great that admin admin is helping you with taper plan. This is an amazing site. I would probably start at around 4% but see how you go. We just have to keep adjusting according to what our body is doing. As you know withdrawals aren’t linear.

 

 

[Dabhob33]

Thank you C

 

what if you don’t stabilize?  What do you do then?  Just proceed slowly?

[Dabhob33]

1 minute ago, Dabhob33 said:

Thank you C

 

What if you don’t stabilize?  What do you do then?  Just proceed slowly?

Also, with liquid titration you are using water.  I read whole milk may create a better suspension?  

Finally, how do you know what you’re  pulling to throw away has the right amount of the drug in it?  

[Carmie]

Just watch the video I mentioned, it will explain it. I’ve been using water titration for ages now. I started on 300mg of seroquel n am now on 7.5mg. First it was just cutting the meds and then later I started doing water titration as the doses got smaller. The smallest seroquel tablet u can get is 25mg but I mix in with water and am only taking 7.5mg of it and throw the rest away. I’ve heard about the milk but I can’t tolerate milk. Im not withdrawing from benzos though, im withdrawing from an antipsychotic. It might be a bit different but people have gotten off benzos with water too, you have to really shake the jar.  In the YouTube video she got off benzos using water but if you’re not intolerant to milk u should use milk. 

 

As regards stabilising, I would be wary about tapering again until you stabilise even though it might take a really long time. If you’re already barely coping n then you taper again the results may be disastrous. 

 

Thinking of you in this hard process

[Dabhob33]

29 minutes ago, Carmie said:

Just watch the video I mentioned, it will explain it. I’ve been using water titration for ages now. I started on 300mg of seroquel n am now on 7.5mg. First it was just cutting the meds and then later I started doing water titration as the doses got smaller. The smallest seroquel tablet u can get is 25mg but I mix in with water and am only taking 7.5mg of it and throw the rest away. I’ve heard about the milk but I can’t tolerate milk. Im not withdrawing from benzos though, im withdrawing from an antipsychotic. It might be a bit different but people have gotten off benzos with water too, you have to really shake the jar.  In the YouTube video she got off benzos using water but if you’re not intolerant to milk u should use milk. 

 

As regards stabilising, I would be wary about tapering again until you stabilise even though it might take a really long time. If you’re already barely coping n then you taper again the results may be disastrous. 

 

Thinking of you in this hard process

Wow...my mind must really be messed up.  I came off high doses of Seroquel, trazadone, and multiple ADs in weeks when I was coming off.  This was all pre benzos.  Except ADs.  I stopped pristiq Jan 2018 after 2 month taper.   Lucky me.   .  

 

I’ll cross the titration bridge when I get to it.  

[Carmie]

Wow! Glad u got off all of those but going off them so quick has probably been no good. Getting off Seroquel has been so hard for me, I’ve been tapering for years and having many, many years to go. I’m going slow. Because I’ve been cold turkeyed off benzos and opiates and other things in the past my brain is a mess just like yours. Every taper is an ordeal and that’s why I’m going so slow. Let me know when you taper again but please don’t rush. I always eventually stabilise after every taper though. Yay! 

[Dabhob33]

4/12/18 

5 - woke - choppy sleep

8 - slept until 8. /. 5mg valium / eye drops / breakfast 

9 - hung out at my parents

Received scathing text from my mother in law stating how I need to be a better father and husband.  Illness has taken too much of my attention.   Am I being too soft?  Should I be pushing more.  Life is on hold right now.  

12 - lithium 450mg - lunch 

Burning / agitation / worry about my symptoms  (heavy head, depression, anxiety, worrying about ruining my family). 

On couch for afternoon. Anxiety in stomach and chest.  Watched positive YouTube vids

3 - 162.5mg Tylenol (split 325mg - scored pill)

7 - dinner

8 - lithium 225mg

11 - 5.5mg valium  

4/13/18

2 - sleep

730 - woke burning

[Dabhob33]

4/13/18

erased my notes on accident. 

yesterday was horrible.  Yes, my attitude sucks, but my burning continues.  Dropped glass of water on computer.   Had to buy a new one.  While at store I was burning up and was pacing.

 

Went home last last night to see the kids. Wife was cold.  Had a sleep over in living room with daughter.  

 

Fell asleep at 10pm

work up in panic at 11pm

woke at 4am - doze off for next 3 hours and woke up in panic seconds later.   

 

  

[Dabhob33]

4/14/18

8 - valium 5mg / eye drops

Anxiety / somewhat painful feeling in center of chest

10 - breakfast / magnesium drink

11 - son’s soccer match 

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium 

Emailing back and forth with Shep re starting and planning benzo taper.  

Anxiety

Thinking about the fact I have to take my son to his football game for 3 hours.  Nervous about the agitation and restlessness I feel 

2 - dozed off - woke in panic 

6 - dinner - pizza 

8 - made cardboard soccer game with charlie - felt good

8 - lithium 225mg

11 - 5.5mg valium

12 - sleep  / 25mg doxylamine

4/15/18

3 - woke 

6 - woke - panic

[Dabhob33]

4/15/18

3 - woke 

6 - woke - panic

8 - valium 5mg / eye drops

Anxiety / somewhat painful feeling in center of chest and stomach 

9 - breakfast 

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium 

Took family to sisters house to meet new puppy. 

Kids expressed anger at my sickness and hospitalizations.  

Wife and Kids played in basement - I laid on couch

530 - dozed off - woke in panic 

6 - dinner 

8 - lithium 225mg

11 - 5.5mg valium

12 - sleep  

4/16/18

3 - woke 

6 - woke - anxiety in chest

 

4/16/18

3 - woke 

6 - woke 

8 - valium 5mg / eye drops

Anxiety / somewhat painful feeling in center of chest and stomach 

Very Depressed

9 - breakfast 

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium 

3 - charlie guitar lesson

4 - felt agitated driving home from lesson - jump out of skin feeling 

5 - hung out with son as he played video games in basement 

6 - dinner 

7 - agitated and burning 

8 - lithium 225mg

9 - calmed down from agitation and burning

11 - 5.5mg valium

12 - sleep  

4/17/18

3 - woke 

6 - woke - anxiety in chest

8 - woke

[Dabhob33]

4/17/18

3 - woke 

6 - woke 

8 - woke - valium 5mg / eye drops

Consistent every morning - Anxiety / somewhat painful feeling in center of chest and stomach 

Very Depressed

9 - breakfast 

11 - feeling bad for being on couch / restless bc nothing keeps my interest (tv, reading, book, etc)

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium 

On couch 

2 - picked up Kids from school 

3 - haircut with son. 

Depressed/agitation feeling all over - very heavy head and burning only in head with pressure

Good news is that I don’t have a lot of burning over body (just head). 

6 - dinner 

7 - hung out in basement with family until Kids fought. 

8 - lithium 225mg

9 - head pressure subsided a bit 

I0 - 5.5mg valium

11 - sleep

1230 - woke   

4/18/18

3 - woke 

6 - woke - anxiety in chest, heartburn, sore jaw (???), burning feet, tightness head 

[Dabhob33]

4/18/18

3 - woke 

6 - woke - anxiety in chest, heartburn, sore jaw (???), burning feet / 325mg Tylenol 

8 - woke - valium 5mg / eye drops

Very Depressed

9 - breakfast 

Extremely restless

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium 

On couch 

130 - extremely anxious.  Mind racing.  Burning 

3 - still anxious - pacing

5 - 325mg Tylenol 

6 - dinner - burning

Worst day in a long time

7 - didn’t take son to soccer practice.   Burning

8 - lithium 225mg

9 - very restless / burning. 

I0 - 5.5mg valium / 25mg doxylamine 

1030  - sleep

11 -woke in panic    

4/19/18

1 - woke 

3 - woke - watched TV

5 - woke - anxious

[Dabhob33]

4/19/18

1 - woke 

3 - woke 

6 - woke - anxiety in chest 

8 - woke - valium 5mg / eye drops

Very Depressed / extremely anxious

9 - breakfast 

Extremely restless

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium 

On couch - ressssssssstless

130 - extremely anxious.  Mind racing.  Burning 

2 - magnesium drink

3 - still anxious - pacing

6 - dinner - burning - 162mg Tylenol 

Suicidal 

7 - took son to football.  Nervous. Anxious.  

8 - lithium 225mg - best friend came over

9 - very restless / burning. 

I0 - 5.5mg valium 

1030  - sleep

4/20/ 18

1 - woke - woke a few times during the evening fell back to sleep ok

630 - woke

[Dabhob33]

4/20/ 18

1 - woke - woke a few times during the evening fell back to sleep ok

630 - woke 

8 - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops

Depressed / anxious

11 - 8oz can coke 

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium 

Suicidal 

On couch - ressssssssstless / anxious in chest

130 - extremely anxious. Pick up Kids school

3 - heavy head all day / toxic nap

5 - magnesium drink 

6 - dinner / probiotic

Suicidal 

Enewsletter sent to me - read this article.   Triggered me - http://benzoinfo.com/2018/04/13/christines-story-ativan-withdrawal-akathisia-and-suicide/#comment-598

7 - Kids friends sleeping over / pizza

Extremely tired but restless.   Ruminating. 

8 - lithium 225mg

I0 - 5.5mg valium 

1030  - sleep

4/21/18

1 - woke - heartburn - 4 tums

3 - woke - panic - burning - 1 tum

6 - woke - burning and panic

[Dabhob33]

I’m paralyzed with fear re when to restart my taper, what method to use and what rate.  I obsess about it.   I don’t feel good, but not sure I will feel that way regardless how long I hold.  

 

Feel doomed from:

- rapid taper in Jan 2017 (55mg Librium)

- reinstatement to 1mg Ativan in May 2017

- went up and down on amount by psychiatrist - even on klonopin at one time.  

- went on 20mg V in July 2017

- started taper in Oct 2017 at 20mg V

- stopped last dose of an AD (pristiq) after 20+ yrs of taking ADs

- holding since Mar 2018 at 10mg V

- still taking 675 Lithium 

waiting....

[Dabhob33]

 

4/21/18

1 - woke - heartburn - 4 tums

3 - woke - panic - burning - 1 tum

6 - woke - burning and panic

8 - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops

Depressed / anxious

10 - magnesium drink / probiotic

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium

1 - sons soccer game - very depressed / tight head 

On couch - ressssssssstless / anxious in chest

2 - Feet and ankles hurt  / Burning body

3 - heavy head all day / toxic nap

5 - family went to church / Syd choir  - I didn’t go  

6 - dinner

Extremely tired but restless.   Ruminating. 

8 - lithium 225mg

I0 - 5.5mg valium / sliver doxy

1030  - sleep

4/22/18 

630 - woke - anxiety in the middle of chest

[Dabhob33]

4/22/18

Choppy sleep.  Maybe 4-5 hrs

8 - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops

Depressed / anxious

10 - magnesium drink / probiotic

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium

2 - sons football game - very nervous.  Saw and spoke with psychiatrist friend at the game. 

No burning for afternoon

6 - dinner

Extremely tired but restless.   Ruminating. 

Toxic sleep - doze off for seconds and woke in panic.  Mood totally changed. 

8 - lithium 225mg

I0 - 5.5mg valium / sliver doxy

1030  - sleep

4/23/18 

130 - is the woke - anxiety in the middle of chest

3 - woke - anxiety’s off hook.  In chest 

6 - woke - anxiety in chest

[Dabhob33]

4/23/18 

130 - woke - anxiety in the middle of chest

3 - woke - anxiety’s off hook.  In chest 

6 - woke - anxiety in chest 

9 - psychiatrist appt 

8 - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops

Depressed / anxious

10 - magnesium drink / probiotic

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium

2 - daughter’s parent teacher conference

Awful agitation and burning - cried on way home

6 - dinner

630 - son soccer practice 

Ruminating.   Heavy head pressure.   Particularly front. 

Toxic sleep - doze off for seconds and woke in panic.  Mood totally changed. 

8 - lithium 225mg

I0 - 5.5mg valium / sliver doxy

1030  - sleep

1145  - woke no panic

4/24/18

3 - woke no pAnic

4 - woke some panic

6 - woke stomach and chest anxiety 

 

[Dabhob33]

4/24/18

3 - woke no panic

4 - woke some panic

6 - woke stomach and chest anxiety 

8 - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops

Depressed / anxious

10 - omega / probiotic

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium

2 - picked up kids 

Awful agitation and can’t nap - woke in panic - suicidal

Made sleep study appt for May

3 - charlie guitar lessons 

Doze off _ woke in panic

6 - dinner

Having a good afternoon / evening

8 - lithium 225mg

9 - fell asleep 

I0 - woke in a full 

sweat and couldn’t catch my breath / 5.5mg valium / sliver doxy

1030  - sleep

1145  - woke no panic

4/25/18

Woke up a few times during night

6 - woke up with dread

[bheb]

Hey dabhob, I'm sorry your mother-in-law sent you such a text -- it boggles my mind how hard it is for people to grasp drug-induced illness. If only they know how hard it is...they would feel so ashamed of themselves. Hope it's not getting to you -- any parent who manages to care, in any capacity, for their children through this hell is amazing. 

 

I've got similar cycling symptoms to you, as I think I've mentioned before. Physical restlessness and agitation, chest tension, feeling sped up, etc. I used to have the fear and dread you're struggling with but it has recently passed -- practically vanished into thin air! So I hope that encourages you. 

[Dabhob33]

Thank you bheb...it means a lot to see those words.  

 

Are you currently off benzos?   You may have in your signature, but I use my iPhone to access SA and can’t see the signature.    How are you feeling?   

 

I hope all is well....or as well as can be at the moment.

 

peace 

 

dabhob

[Dabhob33]

I posted this in the benzo section too...

 

One of my my biggest issues right now is dealing with what my taper from 10mg of valium will be like.   I am horrified.   I’m not reading stories or going into benzo wd chat rooms.   Although I did early on my taper from 20mg Valium.  I’m convinced it will be brutal and almost impossible, also due to my first rapid taper and failure.  Rationally, I fully understand I could be setting myself up for self fulfilling possibility.  I spend my days meditating and doing things outside “benzo world”.  

 

The other issue is my toxic sleep.   Wake up throughout the night in panic practically every night.  I can count on one hand how many times I haven’t.   Something has to give

[bheb]

I am not off benzos. Holding at a very low dose after rapid tapering for a while. That rapid taper is what sent me into sheer terror + more mental symptoms.

 

I had the tension and restlessness before benzos and still dealing with it. It's intensely uncomfortable but I'm trying to distract as much as possible 

 

Regarding your benzo wd, there's no need to worry about tapering yet. Sure it can be bad but doesn't mean it will be for you. I'm also on my phone right now too so can't see if you've started tapering a benzo. Either way, holding is all you have to do right now -- try not to worry too much about coming off it (i have to remind myself the same)

[Dabhob33]

4/25/18

Woke up a few times during night

8 - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops

Depressed / anxious

10 - omega / probiotic

11 - Vet appt for buddy - 162mg Tylenol headache 

Agitation over body - extreme 

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium

1 - psychotherapy w Terry 

2 - started feeling better for the day. 

Awful agitation and can’t nap - woke in panic 

3 - Syd guided me through meditation and light  back scratching 

6 - dinner

Awful evening with kids...big family fight...charlie controlling the family.  Body on fire.  

8 - lithium 225mg

9 - fell asleep 

I0 - 5.5mg valium / 12mg doxy

1030  - sleep

4/26/18

130 - woke

430 - woke - feel short of breath

6 - woke up - very anxious in chest 

 

[Dabhob33]

4/26/18

130 - woke

430 - woke - feel short of breath

6 - up - very anxious in chest 

8 - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops

anxious / agitation

9 - omega / probiotic

11 -  help Dad set up new cell phone and deck  - very anxious / 162mg tylenol headache 

Agitation over body - extreme - dread of benzo wd 

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium

2 - planted shrub for Dad 

Spoke with my dad and cried about the depression and anxiety.   Not going away.  

4 - burning and extremely agitated. Want to go to the hospital

6 - dinner

7 - charlie baseball practice 

8 - lithium 225mg

I0 - 5.5mg valium / 12mg doxy

11 - sleep

4/27/18

145 - woke

315 - woke for good.  Ruminating...anxiety in pit of stomach and chest...agitation

 

[Altostrata]

Could you be having a reaction to the eye drops? Please check with your ophthalmologist.

[Dabhob33]

 Good thought.  Will check. 

 

Mon another note.   Interesting article.   Lot of it resonates with me.  

 

  https://www.madinamerica.com/2017/08/how-to-avoid-severe-ssri-withdrawal-symptoms/

[Dabhob33]

O

4/27/18

145 - woke

315 - woke for good.  Ruminating...anxiety in pit of stomach and chest

6 - up - very anxious in chest 

8 - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops

anxious / agitation / SUICIDAL

9 - omega / probiotic

ANXIETY - Agitation over body - extreme - dread of benzo wd - trying to distract

11 - went to bank

12 - lunch - 450mg Lithium

1 - 162mg Tylenol

Anxiety in chest

Drift off - wake in panic  

2 - pick up son from school 

4 - family and I went to pick up a new puppy - could be a good distraction 

6 - dinner

7 - got a new puppy - extremely agitated

Worst day so far out of all the days - can’t settle down 

8 - lithium 225mg

9 - Bill came over to hang out 

I0 - 5.5mg valium 

11 - sleep

4/28/18

1 - woke up - burning and panicking - 12.5mg doxy

 

[Dabhob33]

I’m in intense pain.   Especially after falling asleep for a few seconds and waking in panic.  I feel awful for hours after.  I feel worse than this time last year - and I’m on valium.  

 

Looked back on my journal to Mar/Apr 2017, I was in similar shape with depression, burning, anxiety, but I was more functional with much better sleep.   I was on a number of meds - Gabapentin, Luvox, Seroquel (and and off trying things).  I wasn’t on benzos (from Feb-May 2017).  

 

I seriously feel like giving up.  This is a daily nightmare.  Sleeping horribly and in constant pain all over body.  

 

Hope everyone else is finding some peace.