Dabhob33: introduction

[Dabhob33]

Just now, Altostrata said:

 

Is this anxiety different from anxiety felt at other times?

Yes.  I’ve been more active (yard work, etc).  Really the only thing  that’s different.   I have also been really ruminating about anticipating restarting Benzo taper and wd.  The longer I wait I think the more I obsess.    I really am tired of laying on the couch, but have such fatigue.   Been pushing.  

[Altostrata]

1 hour ago, Dabhob33 said:

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

9 - 450mg Lithium 

Laid on couch - anxiety

 

Is this anxiety you feel after taking these drugs in the morning different from your anxiety at other times? If so, how?

[Dabhob33]

1 minute ago, Altostrata said:

 

Is this anxiety you feel after taking these drugs in the morning different from your anxiety at other times? If so, how?

I’ve been waking up with high anxiety the last few days.   But I have been sleeping better the last week(s).  Noted on tomorrow’s report.   Been taking valium and lithium consistently for a while now.so hesitant to say its the meds.  

[Altostrata]

Quote

Is this anxiety you feel after taking these drugs in the morning different from your anxiety at other times? If so, how?

 

[Dabhob33]

5/17/18

345 - woke

6 - woke - heavy anxiety 

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

9 - 450mg Lithium 

12 - lunch 

Talked with Liesbeth - she’s been through benzo taper.  Going through wd now.   Doing very well.  

Picked weeds - hot and agitated, depressed and anxious.  Been having awful heartburn for last few weeks (not sure why I haven’t noted here until now). 

Heavy head

6 - dinner

7 - charlie baseball practice 

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

5/18/18 

12 - woke - anxious / feet achy - burning ( have been feeling this for a while but haven’t listed for some reason)

- woke up periodically, very anxious 

6 - persistent anxiety sensation in middle of chest and stomach

[Dabhob33]

5/18/18

12 - woke - anxious / feet achy - burning ( have been feeling this for a while but haven’t listed for some reason)

- woke up periodically, very anxious 

6 - persistent anxiety sensation in middle of chest and stomach

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

On couch this morning 

9 - 450mg Lithium 

11 - very agitated and achy all over / ruminating / very depressed

12 - lunch 

1 - finished weeding

3 - picked up charlie from school

Feeling physical pain all over body / agitation 

4 - 325mg Tylenol 

6 - watched movie with Charlie

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

1130 - woke in panic / 25mg doxylamine

5/19/18 

Choppy sleep.  Very anxious stomach and chest.  Feeling hopeless.  

2 - 12mg doxylamine

[Dabhob33]

5/18/18

12 - woke - anxious / feet achy - burning ( have been feeling this for a while but haven’t listed for some reason)

- woke up periodically, very anxious 

6 - persistent anxiety sensation in middle of chest and stomach

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

On couch this morning 

9 - 450mg Lithium 

11 - very agitated and achy all over / ruminating / very depressed

12 - lunch 

1 - finished weeding

3 - picked up charlie from school

Feeling physical pain all over body / agitation 

4 - 325mg Tylenol 

6 - watched movie with Charlie

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

1130 - woke in panic / 25mg doxylamine

5/19/18 

Choppy sleep.  Very anxious stomach and chest.  Feeling hopeless.  

2 - 12mg doxylamine

[Dabhob33]

5/19/18 

Choppy sleep.  Very anxious stomach and chest.  Feeling hopeless.  

2 - 12mg doxylamine

Insomnia is back

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

On couch this morning 

9 - 450mg Lithium

10 - son’s soccer game

12 - lunch - son’s soccer game 

1 - subway 

3 - tried napping - wake in panic after drifting off

6 - was able to nap for 30-60 mins

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

1130 - woke up in panic 

5/20/18

2 - 12mg doxylamine 

Woke up sporadically throughout the night - heavy anxiety

 

[Dabhob33]

5/18/18

12 - woke - anxious / feet achy - burning ( have been feeling this for a while but haven’t listed for some reason)

- woke up periodically, very anxious 

6 - persistent anxiety sensation in middle of chest and stomach

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

On couch this morning 

9 - 450mg Lithium 

11 - very agitated and achy all over / ruminating / very depressed

12 - lunch 

1 - finished weeding

3 - picked up charlie from school

Feeling physical pain all over body / agitation 

4 - 325mg Tylenol 

6 - watched movie with Charlie

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

1130 - woke in panic / 25mg doxylamine

5/19/18 

Choppy sleep.  Very anxious stomach and chest.  Feeling hopeless.  

2 - 12mg doxylamine

[Dabhob33]

5/20/18

2 - 12mg doxylamine 

Woke up sporadically throughout the night - heavy anxiety

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

On couch this morning 

9 - 450mg Lithium

Very anxious all morning / depressed

12 - lunch 

1 - 162mg Tylenol 

2 - signed up for Rec center

3 - talked with robin 

4 - Bill came over - Panera - heavy head and anxious stomach 

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

5/21/18

345 - woke - very anxious 

6 - woke - anxious

[Dabhob33]

5/18/18

12 - woke - anxious / feet achy - burning ( have been feeling this for a while but haven’t listed for some reason)

- woke up periodically, very anxious 

6 - persistent anxiety sensation in middle of chest and stomach

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

On couch this morning 

9 - 450mg Lithium 

11 - very agitated and achy all over / ruminating / very depressed

12 - lunch 

1 - finished weeding

3 - picked up charlie from school

Feeling physical pain all over body / agitation 

4 - 325mg Tylenol 

6 - watched movie with Charlie

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

1130 - woke in panic / 25mg doxylamine

5/19/18 

Choppy sleep.  Very anxious stomach and chest.  Feeling hopeless.  

2 - 12mg doxylamine

[Dabhob33]

5/18/18

12 - woke - anxious / feet achy - burning ( have been feeling this for a while but haven’t listed for some reason)

- woke up periodically, very anxious 

6 - persistent anxiety sensation in middle of chest and stomach

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

On couch this morning 

9 - 450mg Lithium 

11 - very agitated and achy all over / ruminating / very depressed

12 - lunch 

1 - finished weeding

3 - picked up charlie from school

Feeling physical pain all over body / agitation 

4 - 325mg Tylenol 

6 - watched movie with Charlie

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

1130 - woke in panic / 25mg doxylamine

5/19/18 

Choppy sleep.  Very anxious stomach and chest.  Feeling hopeless.  

2 - 12mg doxylamine

[Dabhob33]

5/21/18

345 - woke - very anxious 

6 - woke - anxious 

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

9 - 450mg Lithium

9 - Sydney’s DARE graduation 

Very anxious all morning / depressed

I’m never going to feel better again 

12 - lunch 

1 - dozed off and woke in panic seconds later

2 - picked up kids from school 

3 - charlie guitar lessons

4 - worried about not healing / so many people committing suicide

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

5/22/18

130 - woke - agitated - can’t settle down

25mg doxylamine 

Up rest of night in panic in chest 

 

[Dabhob33]

5/18/18

12 - woke - anxious / feet achy - burning ( have been feeling this for a while but haven’t listed for some reason)

- woke up periodically, very anxious 

6 - persistent anxiety sensation in middle of chest and stomach

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

On couch this morning 

9 - 450mg Lithium 

11 - very agitated and achy all over / ruminating / very depressed

12 - lunch 

1 - finished weeding

3 - picked up charlie from school

Feeling physical pain all over body / agitation 

4 - 325mg Tylenol 

6 - watched movie with Charlie

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

1130 - woke in panic / 25mg doxylamine

5/19/18 

Choppy sleep.  Very anxious stomach and chest.  Feeling hopeless.  

2 - 12mg doxylamine

[Dabhob33]

 

5/22/18

130 - woke - agitated - can’t settle down

25mg doxylamine 

Up rest of night in panic in chest 

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

9 - 450mg Lithium

9 - ruminated about rapid benzo taper from Jan 2017.  Fighting suicidal thoughts.   Extremely agitated.   Head heavy.  Very tired. 

12 - lunch 

2 - Psychiatrist appt 

Very agitated

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5.5mg valium  

10 - sleep

5/23/18

130 - woke 

3 - woke

530 - woke

630 - woke - anxiety chest

[Altostrata]

When you say "agitated," what do you mean?

 

The alerting a couple of hours after taking Valium at night concerns me. It corresponds roughly to peak plasma, indicating that you are having a paradoxical reaction to it.

 

Please remind me, why are you taking 5.5mg Valium at night, rather than 5mg?

 

"Depression" and suicidal thoughts are common benzo side effects.

 

[Dabhob33]

38 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

When you say "agitated," what do you mean?

 

The alerting a couple of hours after taking Valium at night concerns me. It corresponds roughly to peak plasma, indicating that you are having a paradoxical reaction to it.

 

Please remind me, why are you taking 5.5mg Valium at night, rather than 5mg?

 

"Depression" and suicidal thoughts are common benzo side effects.

 

Agitated - anxious, psychological more than physical.   Unable to hold my attention.   Very uncomfortable internal feeling.   Restless.  

 

I haven’t moved my valium times   Not sure what you mean by alerting?  

 

Early on, I went down from 11 to 10.5mg valium and have been holding since.  

 

suicidal feelings are overwhelming.

[Altostrata]

Do you feel up to reducing the evening dose of Valium to 5mg? Overall, that's less than a 5% reduction of your daily dose.

 

Yes, my guess is you are having benzo side effects and paradoxical reactions. Your benzo dose is too high.

 

Was the Librium added when you started to report "agitation"?

[Dabhob33]

I feel good about cutting down to 5mg (total 10mg).  I definitely feel I’m in tolerance and paradoxical.   Not feeling any relief at all.  And would like to get going on the drop.    

 

Also, regarding the agitation for instance, gong to the store or picking up my kids, I feel extremely impatient.   Doing anything, really.   I eventually calm down a bit toward evening.   With erratic sleep.  

 

Very heavy headed.   Hard to explain. 

 

The lithium was added about 9 months ago when I started feeling suicidal.  

 

 

[Altostrata]

I have a strong intuition that a lot of your symptoms, including suicidality, are from too much benzo.

 

Reducing that lithium dosage would be next, blood levels are too high.

[Dabhob33]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Do you feel up to reducing the evening dose of Valium to 5mg? Overall, that's less than a 5% reduction of your daily dose.

 

Yes, my guess is you are having benzo side effects and paradoxical reactions. Your benzo dose is too high.

 

Was the Librium added when you started to report "agitation"?

 

1 hour ago, Dabhob33 said:

I feel good about cutting down to 5mg (total 10mg).  I definitely feel I’m in tolerance and paradoxical.   Not feeling any relief at all.  And would like to get going on the drop.    

 

Also, regarding the agitation for instance, gong to the store or picking up my kids, I feel extremely impatient.   Doing anything, really.   I eventually calm down a bit toward evening.   With erratic sleep.  

 

Very heavy headed.   Hard to explain. 

 

The lithium was added about 9 months ago when I started feeling suicidal.  

 

 

Also, I don’t believe the lithium is doing anything for me.  

 

Regarding tapering,  I have a scale and have weighed the 2mg valium (.151g).  Would like to do daily cuts, but just unsure how much to cut.  Was thinking .003.

[Dabhob33]

7 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

I have a strong intuition that a lot of your symptoms, including suicidality, are from too much benzo.

 

Reducing that lithium dosage would be next, blood levels are too high.

I guess the next step is figuring the plan/pace.   I think I’m in tolerance right now.   

 

I need to get a lithium blood reading.  It’s been awhile.   I just read that lithium toxicity causes   severe agitation.  https://www.healthline.com/health/lithium-toxicity#symptoms

 

[Altostrata]

Lithium next.

 

Please discuss the benzo taper here.

[Dabhob33]

5/23/18

130 - woke 

3 - woke

530 - woke

630 - woke - anxiety chest 

8  - breakfast - valium 5mg / eye drops /  omega / probiotic

9 - 450mg Lithium

9 - talked with Robin - fellow benzo taperer

Heavy head / anxiety / agitation / short temper / feeling overall awful today.   Burning feet

12 - lunch 

Called appliance guy to fix fridge

1 - psychotherapist - agitation, burning Feet, heavy head, worried about panic sleep later 

6 - dinner at Outback Steakhouse / had steak and some fries - hope I don’t pay for it with bad seasoning/MSG 

Burning feet / agitation

9 - lithium 225mg 

10 - 5mg valium  (dropped .5mg per communication with Altostrata)

10 - sleep

5/24/18

12 - woke up - panic - burning pain over body, particularly burning feet, legs and knees - 

325mg Tylenol - CAN’T TAKE THIS

[Dabhob33]

5/24/18 continues

3 - woke panic

430 - woke panic

 

I feel like I’m going to die.  Everyday the same thing.  

[Shep]

4 hours ago, Dabhob33 said:

6 - dinner at Outback Steakhouse / had steak and some fries - hope I don’t pay for it with bad seasoning/MSG 

Burning feet / agitation

 

 

Dabhob, you could very well be reacting to the MSG. These are the possible side effects of MSG, which includes "numbness, tingling or burning in the face, neck and other areas":

 

Mayo Clinic - What is MSG? Is it bad for you?

 

You don't have doxylamine in your most recent symptoms journal. Did you not take it last night? 

 

On 5/18/2018 at 9:07 AM, Dabhob33 said:

Been having awful heartburn for last few weeks (not sure why I haven’t noted here until now). 

 

You may be getting more sensitive to foods. This is very common for people going through withdrawal. Do you feel that the heartburn is making the insomnia worse? 

 

Also, are you using any medications (prescription or OTC) to treat the heartburn? 

[Dabhob33]

1 minute ago, Shep said:

 

Dabhob, you could very well be reacting to the MSG. These are the possible side effects of MSG, which includes "numbness, tingling or burning in the face, neck and other areas":

 

Mayo Clinic - What is MSG? Is it bad for you?

 

You don't have doxylamine in your most recent symptoms journal. Did you not take it last night? 

 

 

You may be getting more sensitive to foods. This is very common for people going through withdrawal. Do you feel that the heartburn is making the insomnia worse? 

 

Also, are you using any medications (prescription or OTC) to treat the heartburn? 

 

1 minute ago, Shep said:

 

Dabhob, you could very well be reacting to the MSG. These are the possible side effects of MSG, which includes "numbness, tingling or burning in the face, neck and other areas":

 

Mayo Clinic - What is MSG? Is it bad for you?

 

You don't have doxylamine in your most recent symptoms journal. Did you not take it last night? 

 

 

You may be getting more sensitive to foods. This is very common for people going through withdrawal. Do you feel that the heartburn is making the insomnia worse? 

 

Also, are you using any medications (prescription or OTC) to treat the heartburn? 

I haven’t had the heartburn recently.  Was using tums.  

Correct, haven’t been taking doxy.   Really been feeling lower the next day.  Trying to avoid.  

[Dabhob33]

Just read this....some people experience a paradoxical reaction to Valium, meaning the effects are opposite of those expected. Common symptoms with this type of reaction include agitation, anxiety, insomnia, irritability.  

 

Experiencing all of these.  Also catastrophic thinking.  

[Dabhob33]

I take the valium and lithium and my depression and anxiety worsens.   Extremely heavy head and eyes.   This is torture.  Nothing I can do.  

[Shep]

 

 

2 hours ago, Dabhob33 said:

Just read this....some people experience a paradoxical reaction to Valium, meaning the effects are opposite of those expected. Common symptoms with this type of reaction include agitation, anxiety, insomnia, irritability.  

 

Experiencing all of these.  Also catastrophic thinking.  

 

Yes, this paradoxical reaction is what Alto has posted about. For the catastrophic thinking:

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

2 hours ago, Dabhob33 said:

I haven’t had the heartburn recently.  Was using tums.  

Correct, haven’t been taking doxy.   Really been feeling lower the next day.  Trying to avoid.  

 

 

Please update your signature to reflect your Valium reduction and the date you stopped taking Doxy. We're trying to see how you do with less Valium, but it looks like you stopped taking the doxy at the same time you reduced the Valium. This complicates things. 

 

Your signature is here:

 

Account - settings - signature

[Dabhob33]

I take doxy very sporadically.   No rhyme or reason. 

[Shep]

20 minutes ago, Dabhob33 said:

I take doxy very sporadically.   No rhyme or reason. 

 

Thanks for updating your signature. Unless you feel it's giving a great measure of success, I would stop the doxy completely. Sporadic medication, even OTC meds, can make it difficult to know what is causing what. 

[Dabhob33]

3 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Thanks for updating your signature. Unless you feel it's giving a great measure of success, I would stop the doxy completely. Sporadic medication, even OTC meds, can make it difficult to know what is causing what. 

I understand.  I get desperate when I can’t sleep.  But I’ll just push through. 

[Dabhob33]

I’m feeling extremely suicidal.   Called the hotlines.   Not sure what to do.   Hospital?   I’m afraid of hospital.  Feel trapped.  

[Dabhob33]

My psychiatrist is considering a switch from valium taper to librium.    Thinking I’m having parodoxical reaction (depression) from the valium.  I tapered off librium relatively well until I went inpatient and rapid tapered in Jan 2017.  

 

It seems to coincide with a comment mentioned yesterday regarding possible paradoxical effects of valium.   

 

If i tapered off librium my doctor said I would go to 45mg librium.   How would I slow taper?   The smallest pill 5mg.   

[mammaP]

9 hours ago, Dabhob33 said:

I’m feeling extremely suicidal.   Called the hotlines.   Not sure what to do.   Hospital?   I’m afraid of hospital.  Feel trapped.  

Keep calling, it is important to talk to someone, face to face if possible.  This will pass, I've been there and come out the other side. Get through today, don't worry about tomorrow, face it when it arrives.  You will get through this.