InsidiousStealth: 6 months off of 20 mg Paxil. Having a tough time

[InsidiousStealth]

So I stopped taking these meds on August 29th I believe. I don't know exactly how long I was on them for but I am guessing about 8-10 years. I consulted my family doctor [kind of a mistake from what some people have been telling me] and he said to just take 10 mg for about 5-7 days. Then I could go off.

 

The unfortunate part of what happened was a lot of very bad things occurred when I came off them. I planned a vacation with someone I felt was special but we weren't dating. I also thought it would be cool to go somewhere warm for some of the duration. Well,

 

- I ended up getting sick and couldn't fly home so I got stranded there by myself for almost a week after only being off them 28-30 days.

- Because of my emotional turmoil and highly sensitive mindstate I fell way too hard for the person I was with, They must have sensed it and split things off with me [When I was still stranded there mind you]

- When I finally came back about a week or so later my last living grandparent died

- Then my moms family dog died that had been in the family 12 years

- November 24th I also got laid off too

 

I decided it was time to seek professional help. I still didn't fully feel right you know? I knew I had a ton of feelings and symptoms and past events I never really fully dealt with being on meds. As well as possibly suffering some serious damage from those events I experienced during the peak of withdrawl symptoms. I saw a psychologist.

 

I saw her 3 or 4 times and we did EMDR. Now, I didn't know this at the time but yes it felt amazing the EMDR but I didn't know that it could unearth a lot of crazy forgotten emotions. My roommate and my mom and kind of myself all agree it made it kinda worse. It helped a few things, but it unearthed the fact that a large part of my symptoms leading into depression came from child abuse.

 

I was horribly depressed and sad lately and I am also a recovered alcoholic [been 12.5 years sober]. I didn't go to AA Meetings for almost 10 years because of some dumb resentment I had. My dad convinced me to go again. They have been helping immensely. There are still a lot of problems though.

 

Going back to AA meetings made me realize I had some real bad coping mechanisms that were actually just other addictions. They involved: Always going online dating sites trying to find a girlfriend, going on dates that would go bad and I would get bummed out thinking no one wanted me and I was undesirable. Playing online video games all day [although I stopped doing that in the new year, it was one of my resolutions], staring at my phone all day, masturbation. So I had an epiphany and realized that all of those are bad for maintaining a good healthy relationship with myself and everyone else I come into contact with. I cut all of those out of my life.

 

What happened that lead me here though is this: 

I work out of town. I had plans to go back to work for a couple weeks, I was still kinda sick too [have a chest cold], I got absolutely terrified of going though. It started on the weekend when another place contacted me for work but I got so scared too. I just had so much paranoid thoughts like I was gonna be so alone [I am alone about 95% of the time at my job in remote locations], I would lose my mind because of it etc. It got bad and I had to go to the hospital. I also had one of my very first serious panic attacks about 5 days before that maybe 7.

 

It was a few weeks to see a psychiatrist that I got referred to then thought "Hey I should go to work while I wait". Not a chance. Upon going to the hospital I got referred to one of their day programs but it was a 3 month wait. After the hospital I still had feelings of anxiety then got hit with major depression after that. I feel better today but My roommate and my mom made the suggestion of trying out an anti anxiety medication. I absolutely abhor going back on any of these kinds of medications ever again. So I am just wondering, if anyone here experienced something similar and would be able to help. I honestly feel like I need intensive therapy.

 

My diet is fairly good, what helped the probably terrible tapering I went through was going to the gym twice a day and it rooted in my brain that I need that for my mental health. Umm not sure what else to add.

 

Edit: I am also taking 30 mg Vyvanse for my ADD

Edit2: Here's an example of one of my paranoid anxiety ways of thinking that happened: I had to get some wiring for an inverter for my job because I sit in the truck all day. The guy I was getting it from asked what I was using it for and how I would be using it. He then said he wouldn't recommend doing that [even though another person showed me that method years ago and they never had any problems] because it's unsafe and I could start a serious fire.

My thinking went to "Oh my god, I am going to burn the truck down if I do this, but I need to do this so I have power in the truck so I can keep busy on my laptop and not go insane with boredom, but I will burn the truck down, I'll lose my job then my reputation will be ruined, then I'll never work in that field again and I will be homeless living on peoples couches"

[Altostrata]

Welcome, IS.

 

Paxil can be a very difficult drug to go off. What other drugs have you taken and at what dosages? What is your current symptom pattern? Since last August, how have your symptoms changed?

[ChessieCat]

Hi InsidiousStealth and welcome to SA from me too,

 

We ask all members to create a drug signature.  Please use the preferred format:

 

A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature - ALL drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly?

• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 

• Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
• Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

This is your own Introduction topic where you can ask questions and journal your progress.

[InsidiousStealth]

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Welcome, IS.

 

Paxil can be a very difficult drug to go off. What other drugs have you taken and at what dosages? What is your current symptom pattern? Since last August, how have your symptoms changed?

Thank you!

I went to 40 mg of paxil for a short period of time maybe a year or 2? I was on 20 mg for at least 2-3 years after that period though. Currently on Vyvanse 30 mg as well for ADD. 

 

My symptom pattern is really kind of chaotic and unpredictable at the moment. It was real bad last week with tons of anxiety, Then a crap ton of anxiety from Saturday to Tuesday. Followed by a huge depression crash on Wednesday and some of Thursday. I am learning that depression usually follows after large anxiety periods.

 

Kinda funny you should ask. It's actually better since then. I do struggle a lot though. The initial 2 month period where the symptoms were maximized was very tough to get through. If anyone reads this. GO TO THE GYM LOTS. The gym honestly saved me I think. I did an hour of cardio on the treadmill twice a day, before work and after work. It helped flush it out and stabilize my mood much better.

 

The symptoms though in that 2 month period ranged from sporadic periods of crying all the time, becoming over emotional and crying and small things and happy things, getting super angry, getting really horny. Had to call 2 people and talk to them each for an hour a day just crying when that bad stuff happened in September. Then started developing a bit of skills to fight past it and it seemed to work.

 

Might just need patience and more skills and healthy coping mechanisms though I think. To answer your question the best I can I feel like my anxiety is slightly worse now when it comes but it doesn't come as frequently. It's really unpredictable, but when it does come its pretty bad.

7 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Hi InsidiousStealth and welcome to SA from me too,

 

We ask all members to create a drug signature.  Please use the preferred format:

 

A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature - ALL drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly?

• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 

• Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
• Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

This is your own Introduction topic where you can ask questions and journal your progress.

 

How's that? Thanks!

[Altostrata]

Are your symptoms more or less intense at any particular time of day? What time do you take Vyvanse? Why are you taking it?
 

How is your sleep?

[InsidiousStealth]

14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Are your symptoms more or less intense at any particular time of day? What time do you take Vyvanse? Why are you taking it?
 

How is your sleep?

 

My sleep schedule is inconsistent due to not working at the moment. Which also may be a problem because I know the brain and body like routine. But I don't have problems sleeping persay. Maybe here and there I do but generally not.

 

I take Vyvanse as soon as I wake up which can either be from 10 am to 1 pm. I am taking it to treat ADD, I had seen a psychiatrist back in 2012 for personal reasons plus mood swings. They said part of my mood swings were from that being untreated. It definitely helped at that time in my life. I feel it does now as well but I can see why it might be antagonizing too.

 

I find the symptoms vary to be honest. They can be as soon as I wake up I get immensely depressed and don't want to move. Or it can just appear randomly. 

[Altostrata]

What symptoms do you attribute to going off Paxil? What symptoms appear randomly and how often do they appear?

 

It's not clear what you'd like help with.