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Rabe

Hi Mirage!  SO good to hear your 'voice'!  Have a very blessed holiday with your family!!!  Think of you so often!!💜

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Rosetta

I'm happy to hear you are doing well.  Merry Christmas! -R

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mirage

Hi @Rosettaand @Rabe. Merry Christmas to both of you. Hope your holiday was blessed and calm. 

 

I am doing pretty well. I had a strong wave the middle of November which lasted a couple of weeks. Had some symptoms pop back up that have been gone for a while. It was like going back to the beginning of this journey. However, once that went away, I am truly doing better. Not symptom free but able to go through each day without altering or canceling any plans. I am able to drink a cup of coffee again  and have an occasional glass of wine, with no issues. Those are 2 things that I never over indulged in, but was not able to do since this journey began. So, it is normalcy for me. 

 

I have been able to up my exercise routine to being able to interval run again. Still not to where I was pre-withdrawal, but, improvement made. 

 

Sleep is still an issue. During this entire journey, my body has not recognized being tired. I can yawn and yawn but instead of feeling sleepy, like I use too, I just get stronger symptoms. I am starting to understand that. So now, instead of feeling a smidge nervous about symptoms getting worse, I can brush it away knowing that the truth is, I need sleep. 

 

How are the two of you doing? I keep you both in my prayers daily. Looking forward to a new year for all of us. A new beginning and lets put 2018 behind. 

 

Hugs and prayers friends. 💗

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Rabe

Hugs and prayers to you as well Mirage.  SO nice to hear the update.  This has been a rough time for me and it makes me so sad as have not had a Christmas with my family.  Acceptance is hard sometimes.💜

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Carmie

Hi Mirage, 

 

Great to hear you’re still doing pretty well. Great to hear too that you can go for whole days without having to alter plans. Woohoo!🎉

 

Wishing you continued healing💚

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mirage

Hi @Rabe I am so sorry to hear you weren't with family for Christmas. You are not alone. This site is a family of sorts and we are here for you. A new year is coming and new beginnings. Stay strong and find positives and blessings. You are amazing!

 

Hugs and prayers friend. 

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mirage

Hi @Carmie Thank you. Life is heading back in the right direction and so much of my system that was COMPLETELY thrown off and out of balance in so, so many ways, is now showing me signs of normalcy. I thank God. This journey is crazy hard and I would have never believed I would be feeling this well again. At this time last year, my weight was at 104lbs and I could barely sip water. I had severe vertigo and dizziness constantly. I could not sleep more than a couple of hours at night and the, fake anxiety, was through the roof. I had muscle ticks and twitches and the pressure, tension and pain in my head and jaw were unbelievable! I couldn't watch much on tv or be in the dark because everything frightened me. I had so many more symptoms that I can't even think of right now but all of the symptoms I had, came when I quit the med cold turkey in June of 2017 and I had never experienced any of them ever before. 

 

While I still have some symptoms, they are few and mild and they no longer stop me from doing anything I want. I am back to traveling again and working more hours and I have been able to run again. I can drink a cup of coffee and have a glass of wine. I just passed the year and a half mark and actually, that is when I noticed things returning more back to normal. Like all of the success stories say, it is a matter of time. While I am not quite there, yet, I have no doubt that I will fully heal. If you were to have asked me that a year ago, I would have said no way. 

 

I look forward to a new year and for more healing to take place. I continue to pray for all here on SA. 

 

Hugs and prayers to you friend

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Rosetta

How nice to read your update!!  I'm very happy for you.  -Rosetta

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mirage

Hi @Rosetta. Thank you for touching base.

 

I am moving along quite nicely. I would have never thought I would be back to living any type of quality life again. But, here I am. While all is not perfect and exactly back, I am able and capable of doing anything. I also know when a bad day or days arise, that is all it is, a bad day. I no longer wonder or worry if it will get worse. I know that it will get better and, eventually, go away. 

 

How are you doing?

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Carmie

Hi Mirage, 

 

Glad to hear you’ve been doing pretty well. How is January treating you so far? Sending hugs your way🤗

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mirage

Hi Carmie. Thank you for checking in on me. I am doing rather well. Windows and waves but the waves are pretty mild and don't last very long. They almost never stop me now.

 

I have been able to take on more clients with work and I am now back to doing some running with my workout. In fact, last week I was able to run over 15 miles. Not where I was before this journey began, but I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. More and more normal is with me. I just booked a girls trip for February. I have missed our girls trips for over a year. My last one was May of 2017. I have a very active group of girlfriends and we try and travel a couple of times a year for long weekends. When this withdrawal began in June of 2017, I thought I would never be able to leave my home, travel or work again. I was so VERY, VERY ill. I could barely sip water or walk. The vertigo was so severe I had to crawl in order to move about. 

 

While I am not 100%, I for sure don't see any signs that I won't fully heal and be back healthy and strong again. I pray twice a day for everyone here on SA. I ask God to give everyone strength and guidance during their healing. 

 

How are you doing? 

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Carmie

Hi Mirage, 

 

Nice to hear from you, and even better to hear that you’re doing so well. Yay for you! How cool you’re going on a girl’s trip, such fun! I went on a girls holiday last year to Surfers Paradise with friends. It was so cool😎. We stayed in a fancy apartment on story thirty something. Every morning and evening we saw the sunrise and sunset from the balcony. 🌅🌄 Soooo beautiful.

 

We just chilled, made lots of yummy snacks, went to the beach, swam in the pool. The outdoor pool was a bit cold, but the indoor pool was heated. I love water so much. It was so beautiful chilling near the outdoor pool too, it was very luxurious. Now that I read on here that some people go into water or shower in cold water to stimulate the vagus nerve, maybe I should have braved the cold water and jumped in.💦💦

 

I’m glad you’re seeing signs of healing. Keep us updated as it’s nice for people to read this. Take care💚

 

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mirage

Hi Carmie. Your girls trip sounds like it was a great time! I am looking forward to mine. I have been fortunate enough to be able to do some traveling with my husband. We were able to take trips in August, September and December. The difference in my symptoms and being sick between the August trip and the December trip was huge. I still struggled quite a bit back in August. By December, very little issues, if any.

 

I will try and come back and visit the site. While I am not a success story, I can assure everyone out there that I have made HUGE strides in healing!!! I am 19 months into this journey. I look forward to fully healing and I have no doubt that I will. Had anyone asked me that a year ago, I would have said no way. I thought this was going to be my new life. Thank God, I was wrong and I thank God for the strength and faith to keep me going and to help me find positives and blessings when it was incredibly difficult.  

 

Many blessings to you friend!

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Tom37

Mirage,

 

Just been reading your intro a bit and so glad you have improved so much!

 

Great that you continue to update your progress as it shows that healing does happen and we do get through this despite what we think when are going through it. 

 

Im a different situation than your ct but your story definitely gives hope and long may your improvement continue.

 

 

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mirage

Hi @Tom37. Hope you are not suffering too much. This is the hardest journey!

 

I am now 19 months into it and am seeing a definite light at the end of the tunnel. While not there yet, I can live a normal life again and do just about everything I did before. 

 

The first 6 to 10 months of this were pretty much constant torture. The symptoms, which were MANY, were, severe, relenting and debilitating! I also had no clear windows. Between the 10 month and 1 year mark, I started seeing moments of better. When I say moments, I truly mean moments. At one year I had a month long wave where some of my symptoms from the very beginning came back and back with a vengeance! Once I hit month 15, I started seeing more times of lighter symptoms. Lighter symptoms, not "no" symptoms. By 6 months, with the exception of a couple of waves here and there, I finally started getting clearer windows. Once I hit the one and a half year mark, things started changing quite a bit. Mentally, I started feeling the promise of full healing and I know that to be absolutely, certain!!!! 

 

Sleep is still not there. My body is yet, confused about feeling tired. I just get stronger symptoms when I am exhausted. I can yawn and yawn but when I actually lay down and call it a night, bing...I lay wide awake. I can get about 4 hours. Still having pretty vivid dreams and I always wake during them. However, now I can usually fall back asleep for a bit after waking. 

 

The difference in now and at this time last year is remarkably, hugely, different! I can not stress that enough! 

 

Hang in there and stay positive and strong! I am a faithful person and throughout this entire journey I have leaned on my faith and I have found blessings and positives in each and every day no matter how challenging things were. Our bodies are made up of energy and cells and we bring about what we feel and think. If we keep it positive then we get positive results. If we focus on negative then we get negative results. It is not an easy thing to do. I absolutely and completely understand that. I found that to be a huge part what has helped me. 

 

Wishing you better days friend. 

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Tom37

You have such a good attitude towards it all! I’m sure in time your sleep will return to normal for you.

 

Im not suffering as much as you did and still able to work but can be a struggle. Mainly physical symptoms for me. Trying to stabilise after a crash during tapering but if you can recover from all your symptoms gives encouragement to me. 

 

All the best in your continued recovery!

 

 

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mirage

Hi @Tom37. Thank you for the kind words. All of my symptoms were, and still are, physical. I never had any of these symptoms prior to my cold turkey. So I knew it was all from that. I just didn't know if I would ever recover or if that was going to be my new life. Thankfully, it was not and life is pretty much back to normal. I can eat and drink anything with no complications. The only thing that I still have an issue with, is sleep. 

 

I am back working and my exercise routine is close to being back to normal. I was a runner before this and I ran about 20 miles a week. I am close to that but not as fast of a mile as I had before this journey. I am traveling again as well. 

 

You sound very positive about it and that is half the battle. You will heal. 

 

Stay strong. 

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Rabe

Hi Mirage!!  SO good to hear from you and know that things continue to go well!!!  💜

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mirage

Hi Rabe. Thank you for contacting me. Yes, things are going well and life is happening again. I still have healing to do but it is more of an annoyance than anything at this point. 

 

Hope you are doing well friend. 

 

Sending hugs.

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Liamb123456

Hey mirage we have talked in the past how  ye feeling today 

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mirage

Hi @Liamb123456. I am doing pretty well. I still have waves but they are so mild that they don't keep me from doing anything. I get some head pressure and brain fog with them and some muscle pain. I can plug through the waves pretty easily. I know that I just need to wait it out and the wave will go away. 

 

I am able to eat and drink anything now with no complications. I have bumped up my running. Still not at the speed I was before this, but I am getting in longer runs. Last week I ran 26 miles. 

 

I know I still have a ways to go, but I have no doubt that I will be complete again and that my body and system will all be back in syn. 

 

How are you doing? 

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Waterfall

Hey Mirage, 

I haven't been around in a while, but I stopped by to say hi. 

I'm so glad I did, because it's wonderful to hear that you are doing so well!

I hope you will continue to see improvements. 

Hugs, 

Waterfall. 

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Carmie

Hi Mirage, 

 

You sounds like you’re still doing really well. I’m so happy for you. So it’s been a year since you stopped taking the remeron? You must be so glad that you can feel your body healing. Hope to read many more happy reports from you.💚

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mirage

Hi @Waterfall and @Carmie. Thank you both for the messages. 

 

 Still having waves but they are very mild and they do not keep me from doing anything. The biggest symptoms I have now are head pressure with brain fog and some slight wooziness, occasionally severe back pain and my sleep is still off. I can fall asleep pretty easily but never sleep sound. I get a few hours and then I wake and toss and turn, falling asleep here and there in between. My system still has not figured out what feeling tired is. The more exhausted I get, the stronger my symptoms get. However, I know now that any wave that rolls in...will soon roll out and I know that sleep regulation will come back. I just have to be patient and wait it all out. 

 

Yes, I am about a year off of the Remeron but, almost 21 months out from my initial cold turkey from Wellbutrin. What a journey so far!

 

Overall, I am doing really well. I am having caffeine again and an occasional glass of wine or cocktail. I am back to running again and a couple of weeks ago, I ran a bit over 26 miles. No that is over a 5 day process not in 1 day. I am traveling and working. I am going out often and enjoying every minute of it. Life is great again. 

 

I know I still have a ways to go before I am completely back. But my body and system is definitely balancing out and regaining normalcy. I thank God every day! 

 

How are both of you doing? 

 

Keeping you in my prayers. Big hugs to you. 

 

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Carmie

Hi Mirage, 

 

Great to hear you’re still doing so well and your waves are only very mild and don’t stop you from doing things. I’m so happy for you. The sleep will eventually get better too, everything is a matter of time while our brains slowly heal. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

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mirage

Hi Carmie. Thanks for stopping by and the support.
 

I am doing well and life is good, happy and fun. I am able to move through the symptoms I still have. I know the sleep will come back. Like all of this healing, it is a matter of time. My system still has trouble understanding, being and feeling tired. When I am exhausted, the symptoms I still have just heighten. I yawn and yawn but just can't seem to have that feeling of needing to lay down and fall asleep. Like everything with this recovery...it is very odd. I had zero sleep issues prior to this journey. 

 

Hope you are doing well. Sending hugs to you friend. 

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Rabe

Thinking about you Carmie! 💜

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Rabe

Hi Mirage..SO happy to hear you are doing so well!  I think the holding for a long time is key.  Take care my friend!💜

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mirage

Hi Rabe. Good to hear from you. It is good to be living a full life again. I have symptoms still from the ct in June of 2017 and the weaning off of the Remeron. However, I am way better than I was 3 months ago, 6 months ago and a year ago. 

 

How are you doing? 

 

Sending hugs

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Carmie

Hi Mirage, 

 

Glad you’re living a full life again. I’m so very happy for you. It’s so good to hear that you can look back and see that you are constantly improving.  

 

Keep enjoying your life to the full.💚

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Carmie

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

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mirage

Hi Carmie. Thank you for stopping by and thank you for the sun symbol. 

 

I am doing well. None of my symptoms are keeping me down or from doing anything. I just recently went on a girls trip to Chicago and I am leaving next week, with my family, to go to Colorado. I would be skiing but I broke a couple of toes and a bone in my foot. So, I will be the official photographer! The foot is no bid deal. It has a lot of pretty colors on it and it is a bit swollen but it will heal and I will be just fine. Truth be told, the worse part of it is I can't wear any of my cute shoes!😀 I have 2 more trips scheduled for April. One to Vegas and another to Clearwater Beach Florida. So, I am truly back to living a full life again. 

 

I am 21 months into this journey. My main complication is still with sleep. I just can't get more than 5 to 6 hours and most nights that is even broken up. My other symptoms involve, occasional brain fog with some mild wooziness. There are still times when I get a bit of an odd anxiety feeling. It feels like my system sort of amps up. I would describe it a bit like the feeling one would get if you have had too much caffeine. Every now and then, a new symptom pops up out of no where but it typically will only last a few days. All of that said, I have no doubt at all, that these last few, very mild things, will go away for good. This healing, for me,  is about waiting it out, staying positive, staying faithful and being patient. 

 

Hope you are doing well. I see that you are a Moderator. Congratulations friend!!!

 

Sending hugs your way!

 

 

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Carmie

Hi Mirage, 

 

It’s very encouraging to read you’re still doing so well. How is your foot now?

 

The symptoms you are still getting will slowly fade away too. Insomnia is one of those things that can take a while to rectify itself, but our brains have amazing healing abilities, so you will get there. I’m really glad all your symptoms are pretty mild though. 

 

Enjoy being the official photographer on the trip.📸📸📸😄

 

Sending hugs 🤗

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mirage

Hi Carmie. My foot is improving. Still pretty sore but I can get a tennis shoe on now. Progress being made! 

 

The sleep issues are getting better but it is just, sort of odd. My husband says I am sleeping very soundly when he comes to bed, but I can hear him brushing his teeth ect when he is getting ready for bed. How can I be hearing all of that if I am sleeping so sound? I still have very, odd and vivid dreams and I always wake with them. Nothing scary but before this journey, I could barely remember any dreams and I never woke with them. It is clear there my system is still not quite in balance. Once I get sleep back, then I know I am fully healed. I also don't have that sleepy/tired feeling. My body is still confused about relaxation and being tired. I guess parts of my system just can't settle down? 

 

Thank you for your encouragement and support. I truly appreciate it. 

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

Big hugs friend.

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Tom37

Hi Mirage,

 

So pleased your doing so well. Are you getting completely symptom free windows yet?

 

Ever since taking the drug vivid dreams have been the normal for me and think it’s very common in wd aswell. Prior to it I like you often never remembered my dreams and slept through the night every night. It’s so frustrating this process but you have seen such good improvements I’m sure it will keep on happening. 

 

I read your thread often when not doing too good as shows recovery is probable and your attitude to it all is so good. Thanks for keeping on updating even when doing so well.

 

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mirage

Hi Tom37. Thank you for stopping by. 

 

I am doing really well. The symptoms that I still have are very, very mild. They no longer keep my from doing anything. I am traveling again and planning and doing all that I did before and then some. Everything is good with the exception of my sleep and I know, over more time, that will come back to normal. There is still some balancing that my system has to do. I will be patient and positive and allow my body to do what it needs to do. 

 

I was back to running again until I broke a couple of toes and a bone in my foot. I managed that wonderful trick a week and a half ago. In my head, it was quite a lovely fall. I'm pretty sure I pointed my toes and stuck the landing. If I were an Olympic judge...I would have given me a solid 10! 😀

 

How are you doing my friend? 

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