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Tom37

Hi Mirage,

 

Hope everything is still going well for you and that your even better than when you last posted.

 

I was going along ok for about a month or so with just minor occasional waves and was feeling pretty good, probably about 80 percent back to myself but back into a nasty wave at the moment which is very discouraging.

 

Anyway, just checking that your still doing good and still on the road to recovery!

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mirage

Hi Tom37. Good to hear from you and good to hear you had a really good month. 

 

I am doing well. I am 23 months into my journey and life is pretty much back to normal for me. I still have some sleep issues. I don't sleep sound through the night. I wake here and there, but do fall back asleep pretty quickly. I still have times where I feel a bit yuck but those times are very rare and they don't last long. 

 

I have taken 4 trips in the past 2 months and have increased my work day. I can do everything I use to do and eat and drink anything. I know the sleep problems will get back to normal. This entire healing is a very slow process and there really is nothing we can do to hurry it along. We just have to wait it out. 

 

I, like you, had long, good windows along with waves hitting in between them. The fact that you had a good month is a great sign. Your body and system is gaining balance back. You will get back to normal. Stay strong, be patient and positive. Find blessings in each and every day my friend. 

 

Sending hugs,

Mirage

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Rosetta

Mirage,

I am pleased to hear you are feeling so well!!  That is really wonderful news.  - Rosetta

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Tom37

Thanks Mirage for updating as always so good to see someone doing so well!

 

Im sure it’s only a bit more time between you and full recovery.

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mirage

Thank you. I would have never thought I would be back to living the beautiful, fun and glorious life I had before stopping the med, but I am. 

 

I do believe I will be completely back to normal. It is just a matter of time for my system to finalize the rebalancing. 

 

You will be back too. Believe that. It will happen. 

 

Have faith my friend,

Mirage

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mirage

Hi Rosetta. Good to hear from you. How are you doing my friend?

 

I am living my full life again with a few minor glitches. I do know the sleep issues I have are from the withdrawal because I never had issues with this, or like this, prior to my journey. That said, I feel very confident that all will return in due time. We just cant hurry this healing. I certainly tried everything I could the first year. In looking back, for me, none of it helped in any way. Nothing eased up my symptoms. The entire first year, I couldn't even see any windows. My symptoms were many and they were strong and relentless. Once I hit the year and a half mark, I started seeing and feeling the windows and waves. I can't say that mine had any type of pattern to them. I just accepted that while I felt really awful, it was healing and I had to wait it out positively, faithfully and patiently. I could only see bits and pieces of improvement over months of time. 

 

Here I am at 23 months and most everything is back to normal. I think there are a lot of people out there who suffer this and never figure out what is going on. I went from dr to dr for the first 6 months. They were giving me a lot of, guesses, as to what illness I had. None of which were correct, until I was connected to a dr who suffered this herself at one point in her life. She assured me I would come back from this but it would take a long time, she was correct. 

 

The biggest advice I can give to anyone traveling this journey, is to accept it and to stay positive and faithful. It is easy to give in to the symptoms and to fight them, but that will not allow for healing. Our brains are powerful and our thoughts, feelings and attitudes fuel our bodies and our systems. What we believe or think will come to fruition. There are blessings to be found in everything and more than one way to perceive any situation. The more we fill our minds with sunshine, the more our bodies will react. 

 

I keep everyone here on SA in my daily prayers. Sending hugs,

Mirage

 

 

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Longroadhome

Hi mirage 

Are you drug free now and how did you taper the last  medicine if so ? 

Thank you 

LRH 

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mirage

Hi LRH.

 

I am currently holding on wellbutrin. I originally did a cold Turkey in may of 2017. I was then bounced around back on wellbutrin and increasing it as it did not work. My dr then added remeron and when that didn't work she increased that as well. In Nov of 2017 I finally realized what was going on with me and why I was so sick. I weaned completely off of the remeron and down from 300xl of wellbutrin to 150xl. Jan 30th of 2018 was when I started my hold. I am waiting until everything is back to normal and balanced and then I will begin a new wean off of the remainder of the med and I will go at a very slow pace. 

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Longroadhome

Hello Mirage thank you for your post. 

You sound like you’re  in the same position I am but further ahead . 

I tapered Paxil way too fast and had to hold at 8.2mg from Feb this year. I was also given pregabalin Nov last year to help with the withdrawal of Paxil . However I wasn’t happy being on this when I realised the proper slow method of taper off Paxil . And as I hadn’t been on it a long time I decided I’d taper off while holding Paxil. Bad mistake . Symptoms ramped up . I then decided to throw in the towel and ct both . For 2.5 days until I came to my senses and on the third day took my meds as usual . It’s left me in a mess self inflicted . The anxiety is very bad at the moment and the depression . 

What symptoms are you having . Does your anxiety and depression alternate during the day and can they turn on and off to high levels very quickly as this is what I’m finding . 

 

As you have been holding for well over a year are your symptoms better and if so when did you notice changes for the better happening ? What month ? 

What  symptoms did you have to start with? 

Sorry to bombard you with questions :( 

Alto is working with me and I’m eternally grateful to her . 

Ill pop and read your thread 😊

LRH

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mirage

Hi LRH.

The symptoms I still have are, dizziness and it can get so severe that i get nauseous. I still battle with, what I call, fake anxiety. I guess the word used on SA is chemical anxiety? But it is not bad at all. It's more annoying. My sleep is not completely back. But, it has gotten so much better. I get about 6 hours a night. I still wake with the cortisol spikes around 5am. However, now, I can usually fall back asleep for another hour. 

 

Around October of 2018, I started getting better. So, about 16 months after my cold turkey and 9 months after I started my hold. The months between october 2018 and may 2019, were so good. I had completely gotten back to doing everything I did before. I was traveling and back to running about 20 miles a week. I still had symptoms but, I could move past them with no problems. An occasional wave would roll in but would only last a short time.

 

In mid May, I took a bad turn and in the middle of the day, boom, the vertigo I had back in the very beginning of this journey, came back out of nowhere. With it came back the severe dizziness and cortisol spikes. 

 

In May, when this came back, I was at 23 month after my cold turkey but 16 months when I started my hold. 

 

I have been in a pretty rough wave since May. I have had a few windows but they have been very few and very short. Mostly these symptoms 24/7. 

 

I have read that a lot of people go through another terrible wave around the 2 year point. 

 

I had a phone appt with Baylissa Frederick. She is remarkable. She went through this herself years ago and now helps others. She says we will all heal. I do believe we will. It's all about timing and waiting it out. As you know, this is very hard! It takes so much bravery, patience and for me, prayers. Lots and lots of prayers. 

 

I have a few people I met on SA, and we stay in contact, through messaging, daily. And one person who I text with a couple of times a week. It helps to have a good friend that you can walk through this with who truly understands the difficulties in this. 

 

Please feel free to contact me as often as needed. It helps to just talk about your day with another person. 

 

Sending hugs and prayers to you my friend. 

 

Mirage

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Longroadhome

Thank you for your post it’s so kind of you. 

Did/do you suffer with depression in wd

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed quote

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Longroadhome

@mirage

 

once again I appreciate your reply. 

I have also read about a bad wave around the two year mark,  time and again so this is what is happening with you I’ve no doubt . Hang On in there this too shall pass. 

I have a book by Baylissa Frederick it’s excellent Recovery and Renewal  and was considering a phone consultation myself . Did you feel it was good? 

Like you I firmly believe we will all  heal but the waiting is so very hard . Time time time the healing takes so long and yes it’s very very hard to bear. 

 

Its great that you have support with friends from this site . No one understands wd unless they have been or are going through it themselves . I wake up many mornings in disbelief of the “state” Paxil has left me in . It’s so debilitating .

 You have worked all the way through do you continue to do so? 

I also work it keeps my mind occupied and  off me. 

Thank you for the offer to keep in contact I would like to do this . 

Take care I really hope the wave you are in is over soon.

Thank you for your prayers also 

Big hugs right back LRH 

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mirage

Hi friend. 

I have Baylissas book and have read it several times. She is so positive and uplifting. I did think the phone appt I had with her was good. It was 50 minutes and she helps take some of the fear away. This is such a scary journey.

 

I understand when you say you wake up every morning in disbelief. I too feel that way. Its amazing how many symptoms we go through. I had so very, very many the entire first year! It was brutal!

 

I have worked all the way through this but I'm fortunate enough to work part time. I work 2 to 3 days a week and about 6 hours a day. Yes, I agree it does help take our mind off of how terrible we feel. I am a hairdresser and sometimes the brain fog can be bad and I need to be able to think clearly to mix chemicals for my color clients. I have learned to take it slow and easy. 

 

Let me introduce myself, my name is sue. I am 54. Married 34 years and we have raised 4 kids. 

 

I will reach out to you most days to see how you are doing and I am including you in my prayers. We will get through this and when we do, it will be the most AMAZING feeling!!! 

 

Stay strong my friend. You have it in you! 

 

Blessings,

Sue

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Longroadhome
4 hours ago, mirage said:

Hi friend. 

I have Baylissas book and have read it several times. She is so positive and uplifting. I did think the phone appt I had with her was good. It was 50 minutes and she helps take some of the fear away. This is such a scary journey.

 

I understand when you say you wake up every morning in disbelief. I too feel that way. Its amazing how many symptoms we go through. I had so very, very many the entire first year! It was brutal!

 

I have worked all the way through this but I'm fortunate enough to work part time. I work 2 to 3 days a week and about 6 hours a day. Yes, I agree it does help take our mind off of how terrible we feel. I am a hairdresser and sometimes the brain fog can be bad and I need to be able to think clearly to mix chemicals for my color clients. I have learned to take it slow and easy. 

 

Let me introduce myself, my name is sue. I am 54. Married 34 years and we have raised 4 kids. 

 

I will reach out to you most days to see how you are doing and I am including you in my prayers. We will get through this and when we do, it will be the most AMAZING feeling!!! 

 

Stay strong my friend. You have it in you! 

 

Blessings,

Sue

 

Thank you for your reply Sue 

 

My name is Elaine . I was married for 36 years but now separated and have been with my partner for 5 years. He has just moved in with me and his two children . I have a son and a daughter grown up . Daughter has just had a baby daughter herself so now im

a new nan ! 

I’m 59. 

Like you I love to keep fit and go to the gym

every day . However since my mishap with tapering and then ct for a few days I’ve gone into deep withdrawal and my symptoms are playing up when I go to my keep fit classes with palpitations etc 

 

Sue did you have bad depression during the first year ? 

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shawny

@mirage:) 

 

ur one person who never fail to disappoint:)

 

just dropping by to send u a hi ❤️

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mirage

Hi @shawny. It is good to hear from you. How are you doing? 

 

I am hanging in there. A big wave came out of nowhere in mid May. I have pretty much been battling it every day with few windows and the few I have had, have been very short lived. I accept the symptoms as they are hitting me hard. I only have a few left, but they came back with a vengeance. Oddly, the symptoms I have are the very first symptoms I got when my journey began in June of 2017. Honestly, I was surprised to see them come back, especially after I have felt pretty good for 6 to 8 months prior to this wave. 

 

I am seeing sleep improve with this wave and the head/jaw pressure I have had this entire time, is improving as well. At the same time, the dizziness is over the top. Relentless. I am being challenged by it all day long. 

 

This healing is the oddest and most difficult and scary thing. We all need to remain brave and strong and faithful. In time, all will return to normal and we will all look back and be so amazed with the journeys we took and the things we endured. How amazing it will be! 

 

Sending big hugs to you. 

 

Mirage

 

 

 

 

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mirage

Hi @Longroadhome, Elaine. 

 

We are similar ages. I kind of felt that. 

 

How wonderful that you are a Nan! My oldest son is married, no children, but 2 dogs. I have granddogs. lol. 

 

I have had to knock my workouts back down since this new wave came in May. If I over due it, I suffer. My symptoms get more severe so I am back to, still working out daily, but keeping it low key. I have not been able to run since May. But I know I will again. I had it all back until this wave. Don't push yourself. It will all return in time. 

 

I didn't really suffer with depression. But, I had terrible fears that I never had before. I was scared to be in the dark. Scared of heights. Scared of being alone, ect. I also had severe sensitivity to lights and sounds. Everything was so exaggerated and over blown. All of those symptoms have completely gone away. The depression you are experiencing seems to be a pretty normal symptom with withdrawal. You will get past it. Stay strong and faithful and find blessings in each and every day. 

 

If this dizziness would leave, I would be about 80 percent recovered. It came back with this wave and it has come back with a vengeance. It is brutal!!! 

 

I had been on a trip with my husband the past 5 days. Our flight got in around 1:30am this morning and I had to work today. I just finished and I am putting on my pjs and taking the rest of the night to rest. 

 

Hugs and blessings!

 

 

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ChessieCat

Hi LRL and mirage,

 

So that mirage's Intro topic doesn't get cluttered with chit chat, which can result in the member's questions being missed, I suggest that you either support each other via PM for non SA related things or start a topic in the Off Topic area of the forum.

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Tom37

Hi Mirage,

 

Been a while since you have updated so hopefully that last wave of yours has ended.

 

You may be taking a break from posting which is all good.

 

Hope your doing well.

 

Take care.

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mirage

Hi @Tom37. The strong wave that hit me in May, at almost 2 years, has pretty much gone. I am 29 months into my journey and I am doing pretty well. I still have a few symptoms but they are mild now. My sleep is coming back to normal as well. While I am not there yet, balance is being achieved. 

 

This is a very long process. For me, nothing has just disappeared one day. I have experienced a very slow morphing of symptoms and I could only see progress over months and months of time, not days or weeks. It takes patience, a positive attitude, faith and time, time, time. 

 

Hope you are coming along and that you are finding blessings in each day. 

 

Mirage

 

 

 

 

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Tom37

Good to hear to the wave ended and your getting better.

 

Im continuing to improve and remaining  few symptoms are mild and tolerable for the most part. Still quite sensitive to stress but I’m sure in time that will get better.

 

Take care.

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Jmizz

How are you @mirage?

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mirage

Hi @Jmizz I am doing well. Still battling some symptoms and waiting for sleep to completely come back to normal. Small steps each day, which add up to healing over time. 

 

Blessings to you,

Mirage

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Jmizz

@mirage

stay strong, glad to hear you’re doing ok. Are you off all meds now?

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mirage

@Jmizz Thank you. I am currently holding and will do so until I get complete stability back. At that time I will complete the wean off of the one and only med I am still on. For me, holding to allow balance and homeostasis to return, is hugely important. All of the systems in our bodies are made to work in conjunction with each other. A well made, oiled machine. The withdrawal has caused complete chaos in our bodies and  it is time and patience, that allows for things to return. 

 

I am in no hurry. I crashed in June of 2017. While most of my symptoms are gone, I still have about 3 that remain and are still rough.

 

I have no doubt that I will be completely back and I will complete the wean from this med. This is a very difficult and scary journey. The only way I have gotten through so far is by faith, finding blessings, patience and time. I have found, for me, there is nothing that can hurry this. I tried everything in the beginning. Eventually, I came to acceptance and I went one day at a time. Actually, some days I had to take it one hour at a time. 

 

How are you?

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Jmizz

I’m having trouble with that acceptance part. I took Zoloft for 6 months in 2017. Came off basically cold turkey, I think the doctors told me to take 1/2 for a week or 2. It didn’t really cause me any problems, looking back I had symptoms but nothing disabling. Knowing what I know now, I had a wave about 12-14 months out caused by surgery, a steroid shot, and everyday stress of 2 jobs (fireman) and a 2 year old and the resulting lack of sleep at times. So as a result of this wave I went back to Zoloft and crashed. Then was given too much lexapro and fought it for a few months and eventually quit that over 6 weeks and really crashed. It’s tough knowing that my body was recovering a year out from the first Zoloft and I just completely reset and made everything worse, and got put on more drugs bc of it. But like you said, you just have to learn to survive, even hour by hour at times. I’m doing better since I found SA. Alto explained a lot and helped me realize I needed stability. She also spread my Lamictal out to 3x a day and that is helping. Like everyone else, wish I woulda found this site earlier. 
 

currently holding at 37.5 Lamictal and 50 trazodone at night for sleep. I think I’m in a little wave currently from lack of sleep a few nights this week at work. I’m only 5.5 months in, but I’ve made some improvements. Maybe getting a few windows here and there. 
 

thanks for asking @mirage

 

which remaining symptoms do you have? If you don’t mind me asking
 

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mirage

Hi @Jmizz. Acceptance is so hard to get to. I think it is because we can do such amazing things in the medical field. Yet, this is one of the things that cannot be quickly fixed and I have found drs do not agree that this is possible. But, as we know, it is, oh it is! 

 

I had a similar situation as you. I quit 300mg of Wellbutrin cold turkey in May of 2017. I felt great until June of 2017 and that is when the bottom fell out and my journey began. I saw several drs and got quite a few "guesses". The Wellbutrin was reinstated at 150mg. That did not work. So Remeron was added at 15mg. Again, didn't work. Wellbutrin was increased to 300mg. No luck. So Remeron was increased to 30mg. This entire time I was miserable and suffering with TERRIBLE symptoms. None of my drs at the time, agreed with me that this was all because of stopping the Wellbutrin. All told me this was not possible. I then made the decision to back off of these meds. I took the Wellbutrin down to 150mg (should have weaned but I didn't) I weaned, to quickly, completely off of the Remeron. As of January of 2018, I was down to the 150mg and completely off of the other one. My body and my system had become so unstable and was in complete chaos!!!!! I then made the decision to hold and to accept this and to do the best I could with each day while I wait for the balance to be achieved again. 

 

 Life still has to go on and it still has to be lived and there needs to be some quality to each day, no matter how awful the day was and how awful I felt. At the end of each day, as I laid in bed, I recalled blessings from that day. No matter how small they seemed. Just to be alive and breathing is a blessing in itself! 

 

The symptoms that remain for me is, dizziness/disequilibrium, occasional brain fog and occasional pressure in my head/jaw and ears. Sleep is still an issue. I fall asleep rather quickly now and I can get about 6 or 7 solid hours. But, in the hours between 4:30am and 6:30am, i wake with odd, vivid dreams and then I toss and turn for a bit until I just give up and get up. The dreams are becoming less vivid now and there are days I can fall back asleep for another hour. I use to wake with horrible fake anxiety at that 4:30am time. That no longer happens. So, healing is happening. Is it going at the rate I would like it to go, no way! I don't get to choose the timing of this. I just have to buckle up and go along for the ride. 

 

Please feel free to pm me. I am happy to help answer any questions and to just lend you some support. To be able to talk with others who are walking this walk, helps. 

 

Peace to you in this day, 

Mirage

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