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Christiana's Journey Through Hell


Christiana

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I hope this finds each and every one of you on a smooth journey to better health. Due to major changes in my living and financial circumstances, I haven't been able to come back here, until now. I've certainly missed you all.

 

I continue to struggle every day (some much harder than others), especially a total of 7-10 days out of the month (before, during, and after) my menstrual cycle (sure wish I could find something to help this, if you know of something, please let me know!), with many withdrawal symptoms, which keep me home and bed bound most of the time. Still being unable to return to work and college, plus being single and living all alone, which is such a lonely existence and makes for very long days, I'm forced to depend on my one and only true friend to help me out a lot (thank God for her, especially since my family is totally unsupportive (not sure if they just don't know how to deal with me being so sick, just don't want to, or both - probably both), as well as home healthcare (medical and some custodial), just to manage to keep on living. Somehow, I manage to dig deep down and press forward everyday though, even though I oftentimes wonder if the point I'm at in my recovery is simply as good as it's ever going to get.

 

To make matters worse, I had to have major oral surgery the latter part of October, to prepare me to get dentures, as my teeth have deterioriated so bad (started happening before my withdrawal and has gotten much worse since, though not due to poor oral hygiene). I had all of my upper teeth extracted (14 of them) and while I made it through the surgery without complications, the after effects have made my withdrawal even worse. My withdrawal symptoms (ones that had lessened or left) have returned (many have heightened), along with me developing some new ones. Unfortunately, I still have to get my lower teeth extracted, plus have a lot of extra bone growth removed (the worst part of all of it, which can't be avoided in order for my dentures to even fit), and I'm definitely in no condition to have anymore surgery right now (have no idea when, if ever, I will be either).

 

I accept the fact I wasn't the best picture of health before my withdrawal, as I have a history of having lyme (misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome before testing and treatment, but no active antibodies at the moment), plus hypoadrenalism and hypothyroidism (endocrine system disorders both under control with medication at the present time). Nobody can really say for sure though whether or not those things are contributing factors to my having a protracted withdrawal, especially since there are so many others here (and who knows elsewhere) who are suffering from it too and don't have any of those things, although I know I cant just dismiss them.

 

I realize what I'm dealing with is a very hypersensitized central nervous system and it's still hard at work trying to heal from being so traumatized. What concerns me (even scares me sometimes) is how bad my withdrawal still is this far along into my recovery (it's so hard to just keep fighting everyday) and whether or not I'll fully recover how much longer it's going to take (if some or never, what my future holds). Right now, with the condition I'm in, I'm a mere shell of the person I used to be, which has affected so many aspects of my life, and has led to such a lonely, hard existence. I've followed many of the good suggestions on here on how to get through withdrawal, else I don't think I'd have made it as far as I have today, which I'm very grateful for, yet having to surrender to it each and every day, not knowing what's going to happen from one day to the next, has really shaken my faith.

 

My memory doesn't serve me well thesedays, but here's what I can think of at the moment that I still suffer from in no particular order (ranges from severe to mild with no defined pattern, except definitely much worse for 7-10 days monthly before, during, and after my menstrual cycle):

 

I put *'s by the ones that are the worst.

 

*- desire to do anything, even something fun (talking to someone on the phone or in person, going somewhere, completing a simple task, taking care of responsibilities, organizing things - sometimes these things can be forced with a lot of effort, sometimes not)

 

*- fatigue alternating with insomnia (sleeping or being awake for stretches of days at a time, tired but wired feeling or vice versa- when so fatigued can't force alertness, when so awake can't force sleep)

 

*- muscle weakness (when just laying still, made even worse when trying to use them)

 

*- anxiety (hard to relax, surges all over body, causes multiple awakenings with difficulty getting and staying asleep, jolted awake with it with slightest sound)

 

*- sweating (chest, especially hands and feet upon awakening, bodywide)

 

*- coping with stressors (small issues become unbearable often causing avoidance)

 

- sensitive to light, sound, movement (eveything in surroundings is amplified)

 

- swelling (face, especially ankles, feet, legs, bodywide)

 

*- burning, numbness, tingling (especially arms, legs, spine, back, bodywide)

 

- too cold or hot (never at comfortable temperature, sweat, cold chills especially when awakening)

 

**- inability to tolerate medications, herbs, vitamins, minerals, supplements, some foods (even small doses of ones taken before cause adverse reactions and/or make symptoms much worse)

 

- nausea (acidic and spicy drinks and foods amplify)

 

- bloating (stomach and abdomen, food sits too long in stomach causing nausea and/or pressure sometimes )

 

- diarrhea alternating with constipation (mucousy, impaction)

 

- stomach cramps (lower abdomen, eating aggravates, sometimes have bowel movement with relief, sometimes not)

 

- migraine headaches (force to lay still without noise and light, nauseating, exploding sensation)

 

- blurry and distorted vision (alternating nearsightedness and farsightedness glasses or contacts won't correct, offset multiple images, both eyes can't connect, seeing with one eye makes somewhat better)

 

*- concentration (hard to remember past and present things, must write things down to remember, short term memory lapses, difficult to follow something reading, hard to watch television or movie, doing things on computer challenging)

 

- loss of humor (seldom laugh and find something funny even when it is, emotionally flat and dull)

 

- muscle cramps, spasms, tightness (especially back and neck, bodywide)

 

*- pain (achey, head, especially back and neck, bodywide)

 

*- unconnected to reality (dazed, foggy, drugged sensation, hard to feel real emotions and things going on around, difficulty relating to and with people and circumstances)

 

*- neglect needs of self and others (hard or won't care for self or others, can't even care for own dog)

 

*- unusually depressed (feel unloved, unneeded, unwated, not myself, a stranger in my own body, not sure who I am anymore, negative thoughts, suicidal ideations)

 

- crying (sometimes for no reason, sometimes for, bouts, fits, bad things happening or going on trigger)

 

- anger and/or rage (not sure why, negative news or happenings sometimes trigger)

 

- head pressure (fullness needing drainage)

 

*- lack of desire to drink or eat (have to force, sometimes can't)

 

- rapid heartrate (beats hard and fast doing nothing, worse with exertion)

 

- chest pain and pressure (dull ache, sharp pains, squeezing sensation)

 

- low blood pressure (systolic and dyastolic numbers as much as 20 below sometimes)

 

- lightheadedness (wooshes in head, dizziness, almost pass out, worse going from lying down to sitting up to standing up to walking around)

 

*- catch infections easy (get very bad, hard to get rid of, last weeks, sometimes months)

 

- lump in throat (squeezing and something stuck sensation)

 

- tightness in chest (squeezing and something heavy sitting on sensation)

 

- breathing slow or rapid (shortness of breath, can't get deep breath, lack of getting enough oxygen sensation)

 

- stomach tight (heavy, knot, lump, and twisted sensation)

 

- joints pop and crack (especially neck and back, bodywide)

 

*- derive no pleasure or enjoyment from life (nothing pleases or amuses normally, no excitement or joy for self or others)

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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  • Administrator

Hello, Christiana. Thanks for joining us here.

 

I'm very sorry you're going through this. What medication were you on and how did you come off?

 

It seems you have a lot of gut issues. Some of us have found a simple non-irritating diet can assist recovery overall. Here's a topic about it: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/890-scdgapspaleo-diets/page__p__7709__hl__paleo__fromsearch__1#entry7709

 

Also see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1229-probiotics-and-gut-health/page__p__11133__hl__paleo__fromsearch__1#entry11133

 

Are you taking Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)? Many people find this helpful, if it's not too strong for your sensitive system.

 

We have another member, Mixter, who has struggled with Lyme disease as well http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/504-hello-from-a-survivor-mixter/page__p__5012__hl__lyme__fromsearch__1#entry5012

 

Many women have reported symptoms becoming worse around their menstrual cycles also.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I'm really sorry to hear about that. It's pretty normal, IMO, to have the doubts that you've had. I know that one thing that helps me feel better is the realization that people do recover, even if it is a sometimes horrific and insanely long and traumatic experience.

 

I also wondered about your diet when reading your post. I've had a lot of gut issues myself. How are you eating these days?

 

Do you have any problems with sensitivity to computer screens? That's one I had and found a reasonable workaround for.

 

Have some of your symptoms improved over this time? Are you as sensitive as ever?

 

Again, I'm sorry to hear what a hard time you're having.

 

Alex

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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Really sorry to hear what you are going through Christiana.

 

You are not alone in experiencing a worsening of symptoms around your cycle. I have struggled with this. I take evening oil of primrose and I think it is helping a bit.

 

It is definitely possible to experience a lot of healing after the time period that you are off. I saw a massive amount of healing after that time period.

Your worries are really natural; I know I have had very similar worries.

 

I can remember the feeling of just fighting to survive every single day. It does get easier. You have done so very well to come so far with all these symptoms, this really shows a hell of a lot of strength and guts.

 

 

I came off Seroxat in August 2005 after a 4 month taper. I was initially prescibed a benzo for several months and then Prozac for 5 years and after that, Seroxat for 3 years and 9 months.

 

"It's like in the great stories Mr.Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer."  Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers

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Hello, Christiana. Thanks for joining us here.

 

Hi Alto. Thank you so very much for creating this site and welcoming me here. It is certainly very well needed!

 

I'm very sorry you're going through this. What medication were you on and how did you come off?

 

Thank you very much for your concern. I appreciate it so much. I took 5mg of Lexapro per day for about 7 weeks. I became sick with the very first dose and got even sicker, as I kept taking it. It was a gradual process. I thought it was just my body adjusting to the medicine and it would get better. Knowing what I know now, I was having an adverse reaction that was just building upon itself. After I ran out of the samples my family doctor gave me, they called in a prescription for it to my pharmacy, but my insurance wouldn't pay for it nor could I afford to pay for it. That's when my doctor changed my prescription to Celexa, which my insurance would pay for, but I never went and got it to take. I was already so sick, I didn't think I could stand getting any sicker, so I just immediately stopped taking it. I had a couple of weeks of managable symptoms, then I became so sick I thought I was going to die. If it wasn't for the internet, I would have had no idea what was happening to me then and what is happening to me now.

 

I think my doctor believed me, at first, that I have SSRI withdrawal. Now, I don't think they believe I am still so sick from protracted SSRI withdrawal. I wish I knew how to open their eyes to the existence of it. If you and anyone else could post links to reputable information to validate it, I would surely appreciate it. I do not possess the knowledge you and others do nor do I have the energy within me to do it I'm so weak. Perhaps with some information here I could direct them here to read some well needed and necessary information, without having to take the time to sift through a bunch of it, which is time they don't have, I know, and would be more reluctant to do it

 

I live alone and have lost all support (one last friend I had, family members, home health). I have financial, legal, and medical issues to deal with (papers, phone calls, appointments), outside of just trying to meet my basic needs, which I'm having an EXTREMELY hard time taking care of. Social services has opened a case on me also, which I have to contend with, based upon self neglect, but it's just not true. I fear being locked up somewhere and being polydrugged or losing everything I've ever worked for and being placed into a nursing home. I have no idea what to do. I fight as hard as I can every day and have to believe, in the meantime, I will return to my normal self, even if it takes some more years. How to exist in the meantime, I have no clue. Opening my doctor's eyes to the fact that protracted withdrawal really does exist and can be very severe and long lasting for some, I believe, is the first step. Again, if there is any way you can post, right here in my introduction, any and all reputable information and/or links you know of regarding SSRI protracted withdrawal, including how long it can last and severe it can be for some people, perhaps it would really change my doctor's attitude toward how I'm feeling and get me the help I truly need. This could save me from a very disasterous future.

 

***Please feel free to remove this, if I'm breaking any rules. I'm so desperate and living in such fear, I must ask. If there is anyone here or else that has the means to help me in any way, please, please, please send me a private message. My $778/mo. disability check and $16/mo. food stamps, even with me living in government subsidized housing, leaves me no room for any extras, including paying someone a few hours a week to go places and do things for me, which I cannot, right now, in my recovery process, liquid nutrition, like Ensure, which is quite expensive to ingest everyday, due to my problems eating, etc.

 

The only insurance I have, right now, is Medicare Part D, which only pays for two out of four of my maintenance medications. I take armour thyroid for hypothyroidism, hydrocortisone for adrenal insufficiency, hydrocodone for pain, and I hate to say it, diazepam for seizures, although it does nothing for my anxiety that I can tell (started when I developed toxic psychosis from one 500mg pill of Levaquin for pneumonia back in 2007, but the prescribed dosage hasn't changed, except I decreased it to 35mg a day and went back to taking 40mg per day recently, thinking it would help with some extra seizure activity I was having, which it did, but it didn't do anything for my anxiety). With the way I'm going through SSRI withdrawal, I hate to say it, but I feel like I will always have to take the diazepam, for the rest of my life, and I fear if some doctor takes me off of it or I don't get my refill in time, I will suffer serious withdrawals and/or die, especially with how hypersensitive my nervous system is now. I'm not eligible for Medicare Part B until July 1st, but a bunch of growths (I've lost count and can't remember where they're all at, without looking at my records, but I think a total of eight) were found inside my body, before my cobra insurance ended Oct. 30th., including one in my right breast, which needs to be biopsied, as I was told it may be breast cancer, one in the left lingual part of my lung, one in my rectum (sorry for the too much information), two in my uterus (probable fibroids), and one in my left breast (supposedly a fluid filled cyst), plus, I think, one more, but I can't remember where, at the moment. I can't find any medical help in the meantime, but the growth in my right breast really scares me, as well as what would have to be done to biopsy it and if it is actually cancer, given my hypersensitive nervous system from protracted SSRI withdrawal, which no one believes, so if I was to get much sicker, nobody would know what to do to stop or ease the suffering.

 

 

It seems you have a lot of gut issues. Some of us have found a simple non-irritating diet can assist recovery overall. Here's a topic about it: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/890-scdgapspaleo-diets/page__p__7709__hl__paleo__fromsearch__1#entry7709

 

Also see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1229-probiotics-and-gut-health/page__p__11133__hl__paleo__fromsearch__1#entry11133

 

Thank you very much for the informative links. I will try my best to take a more indepth look at them, in the near future.

 

Are you taking Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)? Many people find this helpful, if it's not too strong for your sensitive system.

 

No, I'm not. I don't know how expensive it is, but I am literally broke. Besides that, I have reacted to taking many other vitamins, herbs, minerals, supplements, and medications, I fear it will only bring about an increase in my symptoms, which are already severe enough. I may consider buying a cheap, small bottle of it and taking a low dose, in the near future. I just don't know, right now.

 

We have another member, Mixter, who has struggled with Lyme disease as well http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/504-hello-from-a-survivor-mixter/page__p__5012__hl__lyme__fromsearch__1#entry5012

 

Thank you very much for this information. I definitely need to talk to them.

 

Many women have reported symptoms becoming worse around their menstrual cycles also.

 

While I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I am so glad to know I'm not alone. Does this get any better with more time?

 

I read somewhere on here that there are 3 stages one goes through with the healing process. I believe I am somewhere between 2 and 3. I forget what the second one is, but I think it has to do with the glutamatergic system and a higher center of the brain - corpeus l..., etc. The third one, if I remember right, has to do with the autonomic nervous system. I believe the third one is where I'm having the most problems, at the moment. What do you think?

 

Here is how my day went yesterday...

 

Racing, negative thoughts all night long and after I woke up

 

Finally got to sleep for a little while about 8am this morning (my body seems to want to stay up at night and sleep during the day, may have something to do with my symptoms not being as strong when I've been awake and suffered for an extended period of time)

 

Woke up with some akathesia, irritability, restlessness, and agitation (mostly along my back and arms), along with a pounding stomach (feels like my heart is beating in my stomach), lower stomach cramps, diarrhea, some nausea, awful anxiety, absolutely no motivation (I just turn the tv on and stare at it in a daze for hours as I suffer), very very weak and burning muscles, cold chills and hot flashes (can't find a comfortable temperature), lump in my throat and tightness in my chest feeling when I ate a small cup of applesauce and pudding, lightheadedness, dizziness, pounding heart, and more I'm sure I just can't recall

 

Tried to complete a few simple tasks, which seemed monumental, both in motivating myself to do them and get them done, like straighten up some things, put up some clothes, pay a few bills, that's it, but kept having to lay back down, because my muscles were so weak and burnining so bad (mostly my arms) and I was feeling so lightheaded and weak

 

I was feeling a little bit, just a little bit, better, thinking I might be turning the corner, since my major oral surgery on Oct. 28th, where all 14 of my upper teeth were removed. I don't know if it was the trauma of the surgery, the large amount of anesthetic (isocaine) used, the pain medication I took afterwards ( and, at least, return to the baseline of my symptoms not being so severe, until Jan. 31st. I don't know if I've done something to aggravate my already very hypersensitive nervous system (got too tired and/or stressed, ate too much sugar, ingested too much caffiene) and/or have contracted a very bad stomach bug. I think both. Either way, whatever I have going on is very brutal. I took three doses of Zofran for my nausea, it helped a little for a while, but it made the back of my head burn real bad. I don't know how much taking it is contributing to how bad I'm feeling now. Right now, I feel like I am nearly back to the very beginning of my withdrawal and dying.

 

How do you all do this, day in, day out, especially for those of you with no support, knowing the medical community rarely, if ever, recognizes protracted withdrawal and there is no quick fix, even if they did, as it waxes and wanes everyday? The only pattern I can see, in myself, when I'm this bad off, is after enduring a long suffering most of the day, I feel a tad bit better at night, but then all my symptoms come back with a vengance, just as soon as they decide to wake me up.

 

Am I normal, when it comes to protracted SSRI withdrawal? Can anyone relate with me?

 

I KNOW I WAS NOT LIKE THIS BEFORE I TOOK LEXAPRO!!!!! THAT IS ONE THING I DO KNOW, FOR SURE!!!!!

 

Alto - sorry for this being so long. I even surprised myself about writing it once I finished it. I know you're very interested in gathering information about protracted withdrawal, so I thought I'd try to put as much information I can think of, at this time, out there, to you, and the rest of the world, to digest. Aside from that, I DESPERATELY could use A LOT of support.

 

P.S. This isn't proofread. Sorry. I just don't have it in me, right now.

 

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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  • Administrator

Christiana, it does sound like you had an immediate severe adverse reaction to Lexapro and should have stopped taking it immediately. Please don't blame yourself, doctors often encourage people to keep taking the medications despite initial adverse reactions. We have a few people here who had similar experiences and are suffering prolonged withdrawal after very short exposure to the drugs.

 

There are many papers about withdrawal syndrome in our Journals section. Perhaps the one that would be most convincing for your doctor to read would be Dr. David Healy on prolonged antidepressant withdrawal syndrome (2009) and Healy 2009 Halting SSRIs withdrawal guidelines

 

This site itself is evidence that withdrawal syndrome can be serious and last a very long time. You might ask your doctor to read this Introductions section.

 

How long has it been since you've been off Lexapro?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I took pmed cocktails for five years and never once did I feel good. There was always something wrong with me, though it varied.

 

I went cold turkey off six meds. The first six months were the worst. After the initial six months I was able to function in as much as I could perform a menial job and things slowly got better. But in hindsight, I was in a protracted withdrawal for two years. Suffering boughts of anxiety, headaches, sensitivity to various substances, stomach problems, tardive dyskinesia and cognitive impairment. I actually stopped having my periods for about a year and a half.

 

I did fully recover.

 

I urge you NOT to use my recovery time as a baseline for your recovery. Everyone is different. Just know that recovery happens.

Withdrew cold turkey from six medications: Celexa, Zyprexa, Depakote, Ativan, Ambien and Phentermine in 2002. It has been 10 years since I told polypharmacy to take a hike and have joined this forum to let others know that success is possible and to hopefully save people from experiencing the suffering that I did under psychiatric "care".

 

MY STORY

 

"TENSION is when we try to be who we think we should be, RELAXATION is when we are who we really are."

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I'm really sorry to hear about that. It's pretty normal, IMO, to have the doubts that you've had. I know that one thing that helps me feel better is the realization that people do recover, even if it is a sometimes horrific and insanely long and traumatic experience.

 

Hi Alex. Thank you very much for writing and being supportive. I agree. We have to hold onto that realization, no matter how hard it is. Of course, at least, for me, it's much easier said than done a lot of the time, but I do try.

 

I also wondered about your diet when reading your post. I've had a lot of gut issues myself. How are you eating these days?

 

I'm eating very poorly thesedays. I was eating some better though. I don't know what happened. I reckon I either overtaxed my nervous system and/or have caught a very bad stomach flu/bug. I don't have much food available to me, at this time, as I'm too sick, at the moment, to even make it to the grocery store and back, so I'm just eating what I have, which isn't much and not quite ideal for someone who is nauseated and having diarrhea (sorry for the too much information there).

 

Do you have any problems with sensitivity to computer screens? That's one I had and found a reasonable workaround for.

 

I'm sensitive to light, sound, noise, and movement. It varies. How did you workaround being sensitive to the light from the computer screen?

 

Have some of your symptoms improved over this time? Are you as sensitive as ever?

 

Some have improved some, while others have stayed the same. It's really hard to say which of my symptoms are the worst, as I have so many. There are some that do get in the way of me being able to function more, such as my muscle weakness and burning, lack of motivation, irregular sleep schedule, fatigue, and anxiety, plus all the sensitivities I have now to any kind of supplement or drug (they only serve to heighten my withdrawal, unfortunately, instead of help).

 

I was asleep, but woke up not long ago with a wham, if you know what I mean. The whole back of my head is burning. Do you or have you ever experienced that before?

 

Again, I'm sorry to hear what a hard time you're having.

 

Thank you very much. It truly means a lot. I feel the exact same way for you, as well as for everyone else here.

 

Alex

 

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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Really sorry to hear what you are going through Christiana.

 

Hi Gem. Thank you very much. It truly means a lot to me.

 

You are not alone in experiencing a worsening of symptoms around your cycle. I have struggled with this. I take evening oil of primrose and I think it is helping a bit.

 

Thank you very much for the suggestion. I may consider trying it, even though I'm very sensitive to any supplements and drugs now. A small dose may be in order though.

 

It is definitely possible to experience a lot of healing after the time period that you are off. I saw a massive amount of healing after that time period.

Your worries are really natural; I know I have had very similar worries.

 

I agree. I can't deny that I haven't experienced some improvement, but it is certainly very far from me being able to even function halfway normal. I'm so sorry you're in the same boat. I had a very serious adverse reaction, from the start, although I kept taking it, because I just didn't know what I was doing to myself. I really don't know how that compares in recovery vs. someone who has taken one or more of them for a long time. Don't we all wish we knew when it was all going to end? What is your history, how are you doing now symptomwise, including how far out are you from not taking anything?

 

I can remember the feeling of just fighting to survive every single day. It does get easier. You have done so very well to come so far with all these symptoms, this really shows a hell of a lot of strength and guts.

 

Yes, it is a very hard fight everyday. I have improved some, but then there are the days where I feel like I'm right back to where I started. That always leads my thinking to what did I do to cause this or is it just part of healing. I live for the days it becomes much easier and I can, at least, function on a more normal level. I keep hoping and praying, any day now, that it will come, but I don't believe it will be overnight. Thank you very much for thinking I have done so well. I, honestly, don't know how I've made it this far and have no idea how I'll make it the rest of the way, which is rather scary, but I suppose if there is a will, then there is a way. I just don't know with this, as it's certainly not mind over matter, for sure, which I've learned along the way.

 

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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Christiana, it does sound like you had an immediate severe adverse reaction to Lexapro and should have stopped taking it immediately. Please don't blame yourself, doctors often encourage people to keep taking the medications despite initial adverse reactions. We have a few people here who had similar experiences and are suffering prolonged withdrawal after very short exposure to the drugs.

 

Hi Alto. Thank you very much for reaffirming that. I try hard not to beat myself up, but it's so hard, just knowing so many days are being wasted and going down the drain, while I sit here and suffer too, just wishing I was able to do something else and had never, ever even taken even one of those pills. Can you please tell me who those people are? Are they worse or better than me? Are they shorter or farther along in their recovery than me? I'd really like to converse with them, since we have that in common.

 

There are many papers about withdrawal syndrome in our Journals section. Perhaps the one that would be most convincing for your doctor to read would be Dr. David Healy on prolonged antidepressant withdrawal syndrome (2009) and Healy 2009 Halting SSRIs withdrawal guidelines

 

This site itself is evidence that withdrawal syndrome can be serious and last a very long time. You might ask your doctor to read this Introductions section.

 

Thank you very much for this information. My doctor is a very busy doctor and a family doctor at that, not a psychiatrist or psychologist, so I don't know if I can get them to look at the information or not, but I'm sure going to try. Even if they can't fix what's going on with me, I would, at least, like some validation, support, and for it to be documented in my medical records, for obvious reasons.

 

How long has it been since you've been off Lexapro?

 

August 2009

 

P.S. I can't figure out how to put my history in my signature. I can't figure out how to turn off email notification of replies either. Can you please tell me how to do these things? Also, I'm so sorry for all the quoting, but my cognitive abilities are so poor, if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to write as well.

 

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I took pmed cocktails for five years and never once did I feel good. There was always something wrong with me, though it varied.

 

Hi Whatever. Thank you very much for writing and your support. I'm so sorry to hear about your ordeal. I don't believe everybody can take the drugs. Some people have brain and body chemisty, as such, that, like you and I, they cause more harm than good. My reaction was much more immediate and dramatic though. Actually, I'm not so sure anymore that they're good for anyone. Period.

 

I went cold turkey off six meds. The first six months were the worst. After the initial six months I was able to function in as much as I could perform a menial job and things slowly got better. But in hindsight, I was in a protracted withdrawal for two years. Suffering boughts of anxiety, headaches, sensitivity to various substances, stomach problems, tardive dyskinesia and cognitive impairment. I actually stopped having my periods for about a year and a half.

 

Wow! That's a lot. It sounds like you fared much better than I have though with my withdrawal. Please don't take that as I'm undermining what you went through. My case is just a very severe case and at almost 3 years out, I'm still suffering terribly.

 

I did fully recover.

 

I'm very glad to hear this for you. It gives me much hope.

 

I urge you NOT to use my recovery time as a baseline for your recovery. Everyone is different. Just know that recovery happens.

 

I've learned, by now, not to do that. I know it differs and does happen. I just wish I knew when all the suffering I'm going through is going to be over with. I think the fear of the unknown, sometimes, is the worst part.

 

When you say you've fully recovered, is your nervous system no longer hypersensitive to anything and you can take any supplements or drugs without any problems? I'm at a point, right now, where anything I try to take to help myself only makes me feel worse. I often wonder if that will ever go away or if it will remain a residual problem.

 

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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You have pre-existing medical conditions that I do not. So, obviously our recoveries will be different.

 

In regards to sensitivity to substances. I am starting to wonder about that, actually about the opposite effect. One thing that I have noticed over the years, is that since stopping all of those meds, there are many substances I am impervious to. For example, many people take benedryl to sleep or when they have a runny nose. It doesn't do anything to me, I don't get sleepy and it doesn't stop my nose from running, even if I double the dose. It is difficult for me to get drunk, a couple of glasses of wine and I feel nothing. Predinosone does not work on me (I have only been treated with it a few times over the course of my life). It is almost as if my body has a stealth shield up. This wasn't true at first. At first I was overly sensitive. But, now it is the opposite.

Withdrew cold turkey from six medications: Celexa, Zyprexa, Depakote, Ativan, Ambien and Phentermine in 2002. It has been 10 years since I told polypharmacy to take a hike and have joined this forum to let others know that success is possible and to hopefully save people from experiencing the suffering that I did under psychiatric "care".

 

MY STORY

 

"TENSION is when we try to be who we think we should be, RELAXATION is when we are who we really are."

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You have pre-existing medical conditions that I do not. So, obviously our recoveries will be different.

 

I read about people recovering who don't have any though and some don't seem to be much better off and some are even worse. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying it helps. It just makes me wonder if genetics plays more of a factor in recovery than anything.

 

 

In regards to sensitivity to substances. I am starting to wonder about that, actually about the opposite effect. One thing that I have noticed over the years, is that since stopping all of those meds, there are many substances I am impervious to. For example, many people take benedryl to sleep or when they have a runny nose. It doesn't do anything to me, I don't get sleepy and it doesn't stop my nose from running, even if I double the dose. It is difficult for me to get drunk, a couple of glasses of wine and I feel nothing. Predinosone does not work on me (I have only been treated with it a few times over the course of my life). It is almost as if my body has a stealth shield up. This wasn't true at first. At first I was overly sensitive. But, now it is the opposite.

 

That's rather odd. I really don't know what to think about that. Perhaps it has something to do with your liver's metabolism? That's the first thing that comes to my mind anyway.

 

 

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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P.S. I can't figure out how to put my history in my signature. I can't figure out how to turn off email notification of replies either. Can you please tell me how to do these things? Also, I'm so sorry for all the quoting, but my cognitive abilities are so poor, if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to write as well.

Instructions for putting your history in your signature: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Turn off topic notifications: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/246-how-to-use-this-site-questions-and-answers/page__view__findpost__p__12926

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I just need to really vent...this is sad and long...so you don't have to read it, if you don't want to...

 

Sitting here bawling...all alone...as usual...thinking of what my life was like before I swallowed that first pill...wishing I could just make it all go away...like wake up from a bad dream...fearful of what my future holds...oh how hard it was to write my signature today...not having had much sleep in 2 days doesn't help either, I know...I long to sleep in peace and comfort and wake up the same way I used to...I fight everday...I fight so hard...yet the waves are crashing all around me...I want to win this war more than anything...I really do...to know I'm in this for the long haul and there is much suffering ahead...no support...financially broke...can't even afford 1 measly extra thing...heck, I can barely even afford food and toilet paper...there's not a day that goes by that I don't ask why me Lord, why me?..I already had so much on my plate...now it's so full I can't even pick it up it's so heavy...I'm so worn out from fighting...I don't know how much farther I can make it...I tell myself I can make it to the end...but I just don't know...I've lost my family, my friends...I can't even afford to pickup the phone and talk to them, even if they were a source of support... the few minutes I get on my free government phone are nothing...the truth is I have no one...nobody...to wipe my tears...give me a hug...hold me and tell me it's all going to be alright...i sacrifice money for food just to be able to have the internet...I'm hungry...losing weight...have very little to eat...but if it weren't for the internet, I think I would be absolutely out of my mind...like locked in a dark prison cell with only my own horrible thoughts...I've tried to reach out for help...I really have...nobody wants to listen...nobody cares...nobody really wants to help...I'm confined between four walls...day and night...there's so much backstabbing, lies, cruelty, evilness, selfishness, drugs, drama, you name it where I live...I don't want any part of it...I can't deal with it...It's too much stress...yet I have nowhere else to go but back to living in my car...that winter I did was so hard...and trying to find the places that had free meals when I didn't even know where I was going...then having to contend with the atmosphere there...and being around sick people and getting even sicker from eating a free meal, so I wouldn't starve...I'll never forget all that...lying in the front seat of the car in a fetal position trying to stay warm...starting the engine to get some heat...shutting it off when I got warm...nodding off a bit, only to wake up again to being so cold, and having to rinse and repeat that multiple time a day everyday for months...I guess I should be grateful for a warm place to stay now...a place I rarely remove myself from...a seat in a overcrowded, messy, tiny place I rarely get up from...an old tv i can watch...a computer i can use...yet my mind wanders to the many things I want to do but can't...I just don't have it in me right now...not just the fun stuff...the serious, worrying stuff...the years of taxes to be filed I can't even get the stuff together for nor have the money to do...wondering how long it will be before they catch on and start taking money from my disability check I don't have which will leave me homeless again for what I can't just outright give them...the bills that just keep piling up forcing me to have to file bankruptcy which I can't afford neither...I used to be so organized, neat, clean, and on top of everything...had a high credit score...I could buy anything I wanted...had a 3.9 college GPA with only 3 classes left to finish to get a bachelor's degree with two minors, graduate with top honors, and get the career of my dreams...had the beautiful house and vehicle of my dreams...then another nice house...but the man I loved for so many years...my one and only true love...became another person I didn't know...why...now I know...he took an antidepressant...long before me...except he didn't have a severe adverse reaction...he became a monster...did things in my wildest dreams I would've never thought he would do...I spent so many of the prime years of my life with him...all wasted...he's moved on...I sit here, like a vegetable, able to barely function all alone nearly every day...and he could care less...it's not just him though...no one cares about me anymore...they just don't get this protracted withdrawal stuff...heck I can't even get someone to help me get together the stuff I need to try to get some more help...it's so much red tape...so many papers, phone calls, letters, blah, blah, blah...then there is the help, but the waiting lists are so long, I just might be dead before I reach the top...so much for thinking if I was ever really in a bind the government would have my back...is it the economy, the laws of my state, the federal government, or what...whatever it is there's none for me no matter how bad I need it...then there's my doctor who gave me the pills...i really admire them...I really do...but their lack of support and understanding of my protracted withdrawal has brought me to my knees...they've been my doctor for nearly 15 years I think...shouldn't they know me well enough to see who I was before I took the pills and who I am now that I've taken them...it can't be blamed on anything else, although it is...it's so upsetting...I don't know how to make them a believer anymore...and we're both frustrated with the whole thing to the point of exhaustion...then there's the large dose of diazepam I'm taking...if it weren't for me being given one 500mg pill of Levaquin for pneumonia I got from my stressful marriage...although I warned him something bad was going to happen to me, as I was feeling so sick from all the stress...well instead of the medicine agreeing with me, I developed toxic psychosis from it, which lead to me having seizures..."floxed" is what it's called...like protracted withdrawal it's not all that uncommon, it's just not well advertised nor known about...but it happens...I thought 6 months of having that was hard...not by a longshot, compared to this withdrawal I'm having...so the medicine wipes out my GABA receptors and my doctor gives me 40mg/day of diazepam to take to try to help that...worked a little, but I still suffered horribly...only served to get me addicted to something I had no idea of it's potential horrendous withdrawal...wish I'd never taken it now...realize I can't undo it now though...and the mere thought of coming off of it...especially after suffering so long still with SSRI withdrawal is tortureous to even think about...I just don't think I can go through another withdrawal...especially one worse than what I already have...how many more years of my life will go down the drain...how much more severe suffering will I have to endure...I already have 2 failed attempts at trying to get off of it...both accidental...but still...I know what it feels like and I don't want to feel it nor go through it...when it's time to refill it, I get so stressed and frantic that I'm not going to get my prescription in time , which will force withdrawals upon me...it frightens and stresses me something awful...and what happens when my doctor is no longer practicing medicine...they retire...will my next doctor no longer give it to me...what if they don't and I'm cold turkeyed...I can't even fathom the thought...I try to push it aside, but I just can't...with as bad as my SSRI withdrawal has been and having such a very hypersensitive nervous system now, I'm not so sure it wouldn't kill me, if I were to try to withdrawal from it...it scares me beyond belief to even think about it...my doctor leads a busy practice, but never has enough time to get to the bottom of all of my concerns...it desperately needs to be done, but it's not happening...and I travel nearly 2 hours roundtrip for a visit with them...if I can find someone to take me there and back...can't find a local doctor who will prescribe it, and have no medical insurance right now...then there are the 7-8 growths that have been found inside my body the past year or so...caused by my withdrawal, who knows...not to mention my chronic health problems, which need to be followed up on...most concerning is the "mass" in my right breast the radiologist and doctor called it, which I was told months ago needs to be biopsied, yet hasn't been done...and it's grown, which paints a rather grim picture right now...the mere thought of a biopsy and possibly surgery, chemo, and radiation on top of my very hypersensitive nervous system definitely doesn't sound like a good outcome...only much more horrible, beyond belief, pain and suffering to endure with many life threatening risks attached...I'm so afraid I very well may be living the very last days of my life and my suffering will get worse...and grusome, cause I can't tolerate anything but my usual medicines...until my last breath...family, friends, and the medical community have all turned me away...I'm at a total loss as to what to do about all of this anymore, except keep fighting and hope for the best...

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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P.S. I can't figure out how to put my history in my signature. I can't figure out how to turn off email notification of replies either. Can you please tell me how to do these things? Also, I'm so sorry for all the quoting, but my cognitive abilities are so poor, if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to write as well.

Instructions for putting your history in your signature: http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

Turn off topic notifications: http://survivinganti...dpost__p__12926

 

Thank you very much Alto. I finally figured it out.

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

Link to comment

Hi Christiana,if i lived close to you I would come over right now and help you any way that i could.Do you have any positive books you could read?Where do you live?Im living outside of edmonton alberta canada.Im here for u please,hang in there.Renee

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Hi Christiana

So very sorry to hear of your situation and so sorry you are not getting the help you need and rightfully deserve xxx I am sending hugs to you from the UK to Kentucky. There are lots of people on this site hoping for you and wanting you to get better.

 

Yes, it’s so hard not knowing when it will come to an end.

I remember reading a post that helped me on another site when I was in early withdrawal. It said that sometimes all you can do is just put one foot in front of the other or sometimes just breathe.

 

“What is your history, how are you doing now symptomwise, including how far out are you from not taking anything?”

 

I am a doing a lot better now. The majority of my symptoms have gone. I still have some sleep problems, my tolerance to upsetting situations/confrontations/stress is still affected, I have heightened emotional sensitivity and some intrusive thoughts and memories. All these are improving though. My intro post is here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/233-gem/

 

I took anti-depressants for a lot of years. It has taken a long time with me, please don’t let this worry you though, as it is so different with everyone.

 

“I have improved some but then there are the days where I feel like I’m right back to where I started.”

 

I think this is so common in withdrawal. You didn’t do anything to cause it, it’s so much the nature of withdrawal. It does make it so hard when you feel like you have gone back a few steps, but you are still moving further away from the day you took your last dose and moving forward even though it doesn’t feel like it.

 

 

Sending hugs and healing to you from the UK xxxxxx

 

 

I came off Seroxat in August 2005 after a 4 month taper. I was initially prescibed a benzo for several months and then Prozac for 5 years and after that, Seroxat for 3 years and 9 months.

 

"It's like in the great stories Mr.Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer."  Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers

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Hi Christiana,

I am sorry you suffer wo much from protracted w/d and the other issues. Sounds like a worst case scenario so we can shake hands... I am one of the worst cases too on this site, now at about 52 months after a horrendous c/t from Paxil and still having nasty issues.

But the good news is that recovery is there , and you are still under the 3 years which mines that more recovery can and proaboly will come. I have had further recovery in the 4th year and though I am back in a wave now, many people around me notice big improvements last year. My message would be, do not give up hoping, some people needs a very long time to heal, maybe 5-7 years but do heal eventually. And in the end we emerge as new human beings with a lot of knowledge. Please hang on and keep believing.

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
after 8.5 years working again on a 90% base and basically functioning normally again!

 

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Hi Christiana,if i lived close to you I would come over right now and help you any way that i could.Do you have any positive books you could read?Where do you live?Im living outside of edmonton alberta canada.Im here for u please,hang in there.Renee

 

Hi Renee. How very sweet of you to offer to come help me. I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

 

As for the books, I can't read much. I do read my Bible though. It does help some. I also never watch or just have the TV tuned into anything upsetting. Most of the time I just stare at it blankly. Sometimes I just have it on to have it on, if that makes sense. Sometimes I'm actually able to watch a show a bit. If it ever begins to irritate me, which it sometimes does, I just turn it off.

 

I live in S.W. KY. You're a long way from me. Medicine is so far behind in the small town I live in I can't get any help. Resources for the needy are in dire need, as the waiting lists are very long, also. It's such a shame.

 

Thank you so very much for being here for me and the encouragement. It certainly goes a long way, especially when you're going through what I feel like is the worst thing I've ever had to endure.

 

What is your history? How has your journey been? Where are you now in your healing process? How are you feeling?

 

Love, Light, & Health,

 

Christiana

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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Gem and Claudius.

 

I promise to reply to your posts soon. Right now, I'm really struggling. Maybe I'll just try reading. Perhaps my medicine will help in a bit. I just didn't want you to think I forgot about you two.

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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Christiana there is no need to reply on my or whatever message. I just want to tell you that however bad you feel, there is always hope for better days. I understand that you live in a small town without any medical help. Well, I live in a pretty large city (the 4th of my country) and have had not the slightest support from the medical community either, though the financial security system has been on my side until now. So you are not alone in that. I sincerely hope and believe you will have the strength to overcome this!

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
after 8.5 years working again on a 90% base and basically functioning normally again!

 

Link to comment

Hi Christiana,

 

That’s really thoughtful of you. Don’t worry about replying, it’s ok.

 

Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts, take care xxxx

 

 

I came off Seroxat in August 2005 after a 4 month taper. I was initially prescibed a benzo for several months and then Prozac for 5 years and after that, Seroxat for 3 years and 9 months.

 

"It's like in the great stories Mr.Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer."  Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers

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  • 4 months later...

I'll try to make a long story short...

I was in a very bad wreck May 5th.

 

The right side of my face, especially around my eye, was wounded pretty bad. I have 3 pinched nerves at the C5, C6, and C7 level in my neck. I have a fracture at the C5 level in my neck. I fractured my ankle in 2 places (front and back). I don't remember anything. I was unconscious for over 1 1/2 hours and had a seizure during that time. I had a severe concussion.

 

I'm still recovering with the help of several doctors - a neurosurgeon for my neck and orthopedic for my ankle, plus my primary care. I also have twice weekly visits from both an occupational and physical therapist at home.

 

I'm just now ending the 3rd year of my prolonged antidepressant withdrawal, which has left me to continue to deal with a great amount of autonomic nervous system instability, as well as being very hypersensitive to many supplements and medications.

 

Since my wreck, I've taken/been given several things I don't usually take - dilaudid for pain (once via IV), plus zofran for nausea (used very sparingly, as needed), and 10/325mg percocet for pain (used very cautiously, no more than 3 per day, as needed). I was afraid to take them, not knowing what my reaction would be, but my pain and nausea warranted them, unfortunately. I also took a mere 200 IU of Vitamin D3 once, during this time, since I was found to be low in it, but had a bad reaction to it, so never took it again.

 

I wore a stiff neck brace around my neck and boot cast around my leg, for several weeks, but have now been allowed to quit wearing them, as I've been told by my doctors I'm still healing, but stable now. The right side of my face has now healed up, for the most part, and much better than I thought it would. My neck still hurts, ankle is still sore, knee is still swollen with fluid, and I'm still having problems related to my concussion.

 

I'm not taking anymore of the aforementioned medications anymore. I stopped taking the percocets about a week or so ago. The first four weeks I took them, without any noticeable problems. Beginning the fifth and into the sixth weeks, I noticed I was having some sort of paradoxical/hypersensitivity reaction to them. That's when I slowly reduced my daily dosage of them over a week or so. Afterwards, my nervous system, already in an even more hyperactive state, from the wreck, took a turn for even worse.

 

Anyone have any insights into what could be going on with me? Could the wreck just be catching up with my nervous system or have already done so and the percocets were covering it up? What could the percocets have done to my nervous system in such a short time to aggravate my nervous system, if so? Could I be having withdrawals from them, even though I didn't take that many of them and if so, how long can I expect it to last? Also, I started my menstrual cycle 6 days ago, which always makes my withdrawal symptoms worse, so it sure hasn't helped me to feel any better. (sorry guys)

 

My nervous system is in complete disarray and overdrive, right now. I can't find anything to calm it down. I feel really sick almost like I did when I starting withdrawing. My symptoms are pretty much the same, yet they feel different, if that makes any sense at all. I'm so miserable and uncomfortable. Would some kind of tea for tension or sleep help?

 

Please help!

 

Love, Light, & Health,

Christiana

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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Dear Christiana,

 

I am so sorry for your suffering.

 

I think of two possibilities: 1) Opiate withdrawal and/or 2)stress-induced increase of symptoms.

 

Things that come to mind are a meditation mindfulness program. There is a program run out of UCLA that offers a free meditation MP3 download and has wonderful information on their website. UCLA Mindfulness Research Center

 

Stress reduction may reduce your symptoms back to your baseline. I hope you feel better soon. :) Hugs, Annej

My Intro
2000-Effexor and Klonopin
April 2011- C/T Adderall, lithium, Seroquel, Lunesta; Pristiq and Klonopin cut by 1/2 due to med-induced "rapid cycling"
May 2011- Pristiq/Lexapro bridge/taper
June, 2011- K cut to 0.5 mg (doctor)
July 18, 2011 - Lexapro done
October 2011- K taper started
Jan, 2012- Off K, Remeron started -bad idea
March 2012- Horrific Tardive Akathisa/TD (Dx: TA versus withdrawal akathisia secondary to K w/d)
May 2012- Reinstatement of K
Current Psych Meds: Klonopin 2 mg + Propanolol 15 mg and titrating up
As of June 2013: TA gone or suppressed - struggling with tolerance to benzos - beta blocker helping

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  • Administrator

Christiana, I hope you don't mind, I attached your latest post to your Intro and Updates topic.

 

I'm very sorry your situation has been compounded by this accident.

 

When our nervous systems are sensitized by withdrawal, any medication that is too sedating can cause a paradoxical reaction.

 

From personal experience, I've found it usually can take a few days for the alerting system to "catch on" to the sedating and send up the alarms.

 

That may be what happened to you. Your hyper-reactive nervous system went on high alert from the painkillers, which are CNS depressants (slow the CNS).

 

This will fade in time, as it did before. I agree with annej, meditation can help you cope with this.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Annej,

 

I believe you're right about what's causing me to feel sicker.

 

Thank you very much for the program information. I'll definitely take a look at.

 

I'm reducing as much stress as I can right now.

 

I hope you feel better soon too!

 

Thank you very much for taking the time to offer me some support! It means a lot!

 

(Big hugs)

 

Love, Light, & Health,

Christiana

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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Hi Christiana,

 

I am so sorry for what you have had to endure. You sound like such a nice person and really do not deserve it.

 

I think traumatic or difficult events can sometimes exacerbate withdrawal. I used to find this a lot.

 

You are also probably still recovering from the shock at the same time.

 

I hope it fades for you soon,

 

Sending healing thoughts and lots of hugs to you xxxx

 

 

I came off Seroxat in August 2005 after a 4 month taper. I was initially prescibed a benzo for several months and then Prozac for 5 years and after that, Seroxat for 3 years and 9 months.

 

"It's like in the great stories Mr.Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer."  Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers

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hello Christiana,

 

you have had many problems, hang on, the time will help you to recover !...

 

hugs

for anxiety 

12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 

67 years old - 9 years  med free

 

in protracted withdrawal

rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate,

function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little 

 

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Hi Christiana,

 

Checking in to see how you are doing and to let you know that I am thinking of you. :) Hugs, Annej

My Intro
2000-Effexor and Klonopin
April 2011- C/T Adderall, lithium, Seroquel, Lunesta; Pristiq and Klonopin cut by 1/2 due to med-induced "rapid cycling"
May 2011- Pristiq/Lexapro bridge/taper
June, 2011- K cut to 0.5 mg (doctor)
July 18, 2011 - Lexapro done
October 2011- K taper started
Jan, 2012- Off K, Remeron started -bad idea
March 2012- Horrific Tardive Akathisa/TD (Dx: TA versus withdrawal akathisia secondary to K w/d)
May 2012- Reinstatement of K
Current Psych Meds: Klonopin 2 mg + Propanolol 15 mg and titrating up
As of June 2013: TA gone or suppressed - struggling with tolerance to benzos - beta blocker helping

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Hi Alto,

 

Wherever you want to put it is fine with me.

 

I couldn't agree with you more about your explanation as to what's going on with me.

 

Thank you so much!

 

(hugs)

Christiana

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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Hi Stan,

 

Thank you very much for your support! It means alot! After 3 long years of suffering, I just wish I knew when it was all going to end. <sigh>

 

(hugs)

Christiana

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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Hi Annej,

 

Thank you very much for your support! It means alot!

 

I was starting to feel a tad bit better, so I thought maybe I was starting to climb out of the worst of it, then I got hit hard again and am now in the midst of the worst of it. Usually, my symptoms are bad and worsen around my menstrual cycle, where I have about 7-10 days a month that I feel much worse. Now, it seems like I'm in the thick of some of my worst withdrawal symptoms ever and just can't find no way whatsoever to ease them up a bit.

 

How are you feeling?

 

(hugs)

Christiana

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

Link to comment

Hi Gem,

 

Thank you very much for your support! It means alot!

 

(hugs)

Christiana

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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  • 11 months later...

Just wondering how many here drink Kefir regularly? If you do, could you please tell me the pros and cons - if it is helping you or not and in what way(s)?

 

Yesterday, I drank about 1/2 of a cup of Lifeway Madagascar Vanilla Kefir. Several hours later and all night long I had high anxiety, especially a pounding rapid heartbeat, and was sweating.

 

Is that a sign I have a big internal yeast infection, which resulted in me having a pretty uncomfortable die-off reaction?

 

I feel better now. Actually, a little bit better than before I drank it.

 

I am afraid to drink anymore of it, until I get some insights from some of you here though.

 

Should I try drinking it again, but just lower the amount I ingest? If so, what should I start with? Just a tablespoon or two or 1/4 of a cup per day or every other day or what?

 

Thank you very much. Posted Image

Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

 

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

 

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

 

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

 

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

 

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

 

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

 

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

 

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Take a look at GiaK's posts about histamine. Since it's a cultured product I think kefir probably has a high histamine content. That could be an explanation. 

I think if you have a bad reaction to something, it's probably a good idea to stay away from it unless there's some really compelling reason why you need to eat it.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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