When you’re ill: how can you ask for help? (chronic illness and protracted withdrawal syndromes)

[GiaK]

Another post I hope some may find helpful:

 

I've excerpted a piece of it below, but most of the post is at this link: http://beyondmeds.com/2012/02/07/helpsick/

 

When you’re ill: how can you ask for help? (chronic illness and protracted withdrawal syndromes)

I’m sharing another one of Toni Bernhard’s, author of How to Be Sick, helpful posts from Psychology Today. In this post she talks about how when one is ill and someone offers to help we often have to, in turn, help them out and let them know what we need. I have, indeed, found this to be true.

 

I unfortunately can’t agree that everyone who offers to help means it unfortunately. I found that my illness really did a good job of separating the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. There will always be people who cannot deal with illness. Let those people go in peace and try to have compassion for them. They are dealing with their own fears.

 

But for enough people it’s true and they often need prompting in order to know how to be helpful. It’s worth reaching out and asking people for the help you need if they’ve offered it and then you’ve not heard again. Once you get the hang of it it becomes easier and it’s good to find out we’ve might not been as abandoned as we might have thought.

 

For me, I’m still sometimes disappointed by the number of people I thought were friends who simply could not abide my illness, but as I move further into the journey I find great joy in those who really are my friends and it’s clear this transition will continue. Some people, too, need time to come around and if we open our hearts to them when they’re ready to come around healing can happen for both them and you.

 

This is an excerpt of what Toni Bernhard had to say:

Here’s what I’ve learned about people who offer to help:

1. They’re sincere in their offer: they mean it.

2. The responsibility falls on me, not on them, to follow-up.

3. The best way to take them up on their offer is to give them a specific task to do.

Numbers 1 and 2 are consistent with my experience when I was in a position to help others: I meant it but I rarely followed-up, sometimes because I got distracted and sometimes because I thought I might be bothering them.

As for number 3, friends and relatives aren’t mind readers. We need to tell them what to do. read the rest

There is much more commentary and more links to related material here... http://beyondmeds.com/2012/02/07/helpsick/ (too many links in the original text to post here)

[Altostrata]

Thanks very much, GK.