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Ottonymous: preparing to come off... seeking advice


Ottonymous

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Hey Altostrata, thanks for responding. 

Yes, I do benefit a lot from therapy and weekly DBT groups. Having an organized and structured mental health regimen is important to me. I have tried talking about these thoughts before but I rarely feel that I am heard and understood because the general quick assessment is simply that I'm losing my marbles. What I think is happening is in some ways simpler than psychosis. It feels like when I am mentally vulnerable my mind gets kind of sticky and I'm more susceptible to falling into loops and patterns... but my mind is only interested in things that elicit a strong emotional response. Sometimes it's violent imagery but often it's somatic stuff. 

 

A day after writing about my experience here it slowly started to trail off. I think about it but only semantically now and it doesn't make me feel anything. I'm not sure why to be honest. I was on my period then, maybe hormones can cause obsessive/anxious thoughts? 

My sleep has been incredible. I stopped drinking coffee a couple weeks ago and sleep 7-9 hours every night, no interruptions. My energy is average. Hard time focusing but that's me. Headaches every day, don't know why. Could be caffeine wd. My memory is absolutely messed up, more than usual. I also have the feeling of shifting perceptions often. I had that pre-tapering but it is strange. I feel like a different person with a different set of eyes sometimes and colors become brighter/dimmer etc. My memory seems to exist only within the context of emotional states to the point where I don't relate to myself when I'm feeling differently than I was earlier. This is tied up in interpersonal relationships too and related to a BPD diagnosis probably. Which I think is code for you-experienced-trauma-and-you-have-maladaptive-coping-skills.


Anyway, I agree, too fast of a taper. I had intense mood swings and it was not ideal. I don't know what it means to be a highly sensitive and perhaps self-destructively impulsive person, though I am a person who can be sensitive and impulsive at times. For now I'm sticking with 900mg Lithium, 600 Gabapentin. When do you think it's safe to carry on? Thank you so much for your time and care. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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Please don't make any more drug changes for perhaps several months, until these odd symptoms are settled for at least a month.

 

Often people who are impulsive will do things that are not well thought out and end up being self-destructive. This is a good time to move slowly and carefully, drug-wise.

 

Journaling about intrusive thoughts does sometimes scotch them. Since you've written them down, you don't have to remind yourself of them over and over, or go over the same ground repeatedly to figure them out. See our excellent topic Journaling / Journalling / Writing Therapy / Therapeutic Writing

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Okay, thank you. Yes, I am a songwriter and an artist so I do get to express some of these experiences but journalling is a great idea.

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(April 23)

I feel absolutely trapped. I'm finding it incredibly hard to communicate in a way that feels true, accurate, and real to my experience partially because I don't know how to identify what is going on. It's even more challenging to be heard in a way feels real. This morning I woke up with this thought that I can't shake about predetermined experiences and over and over again is the thought that no matter how I live my life, no matter what decisions I make, I am destined to kill myself. I don't feel particularly suicidal but this thought does make me feel anxious and out of control and in moments I wonder if it's true. I can't prove that it's not.

 

My issue with emotions is related to the way my memory feels episodic and specific to the emotions I'm having. In that way there is this cumulative nature in each episode that feels like it can only build on other similar emotions but not be relieved by others because I don't relate to them. I am having thoughts about some grand, nefarious plan with pharmaceutical medicines, some plan to level out all of the creative, sensitive people and make them strangers to their own emotions. Maybe it is a threat to this kind of society to really harness the power of your thoughts and emotions. I don't know how far from the truth this is, and I don't know how far from the truth anything is. I don't know if I can comfortably prescribe to the idea of mental illness anymore, (at least not in diagnostic terms) but I do feel like my mind has little structure and morphs always in a way that seems different from the people around me. I am tired, my throat feels tight, I don't know what to do. Everything is different all the time, even in subtle ways, I can't remember feeling anything other than this. I don't know what to do. 

In moments I feel like I should be hospitalized, in moments I feel better than ever. I am really confused and feel bad about myself. Please, any advice

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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  • Administrator

If it's any consolation, the grand, nefarious plan by pharma affects everybody, not just the creative, sensitive people. More than 10% of US adults are on antidepressants, plus there are all the other drugs.

 

You might want to write down these intrusive thoughts, try to puzzle them out on the page.

 

Not sure what you mean by your memory being episodic. I think this might be normal.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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(April 25)

Mood swings are off the chain. Definitely leaning depressive, though. Lots of crying, feelings of doom, being trapped, lack of energy, annihilation of motivation, low self esteem. I keep trying the things that I know are good for me despite them seeming irrelevant but I can't say how much it's helping. Today at dance I left half way through even though I made the art installation. I couldn't stop crying. I was upset about a conversation I had with partner where it felt like she was saying we were doomed due to being long distance etc. We have not talked for over an hour a day for a week or more. 

It feels like all I want to do is eat. Gained weight since tapering off celexa, didn't anticipate that. Can't figure out what the point of anything is. Thoughts of suicide and going back to self medicating with alcohol and other drugs. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(April 26) 

Confusing conversations about the future with partner. Hard to feel secure and confident. We really have not been talking very much at all. Don't know what I want, couldn't point out a direction if I tried. So angry. So unbelievably, self-hatingly angry. PMS may be at play and for me that makes a huge difference. Wish I knew some herbs that helped with that kind of thing. Considering taking a step back and staying off Celexa but going back to original dose of Lithium. Will wait until after period to know if that's part of what's happening. I so desperately want to destroy my life. There is this fire just burning me up inside and I keep thinking about relapsing (alcoholic), hurting myself, hurting others, making spiteful relationship decisions. As much as I hate it I find it somewhat addicting and affirming of something... not sure what. Went to group today, benefitted a little I think. Good to force myself to be around others. We talked about opposite action within DBT and I discovered my opposite action right now is to take a deep breath, be kind, be active, and open myself up. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(April 27)

Yesterday I ran for a little under three miles in a state of desperation and completely changed my state of mind. Running has a way of putting things in perspective like nothing else. I know I often mistake boredom for depression and frustration for anger and I would like to stay aware of the differences. Had a very productive day, feel things moving in a positive direction with regards to work, this summer, finals, my workload, and fitness as well. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

From looking at your signature, I see you tapered your Celexa very quickly, which could be a major contibutor to your current problems - from 5mg in March to zero in April!   You could perhaps consider reinstating a small dose of Celexa.  I don't know much about Lithium but it seems you have altered your dose in recent weeks as well.  I am concerned you have changed too much too quickly.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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7 hours ago, Ottonymous said:

(April 27)

Yesterday I ran for a little under three miles in a state of desperation and completely changed my state of mind. Running has a way of putting things in perspective like nothing else. I know I often mistake boredom for depression and frustration for anger and I would like to stay aware of the differences. Had a very productive day, feel things moving in a positive direction with regards to work, this summer, finals, my workload, and fitness as well. 

if you are able to run without it increasing symptoms then try and do this every morning, it will massively help recovery, it will get the brain livened up and help neurons regrow etc, also the best thing for depression as it releases endorphins, just take it slow at first

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

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19 hours ago, Songbird said:

I am concerned you have changed too much too quickly.

Hey Songbird, thank you for stopping by and sharing your advice and concern. I agree, it was much too fast. I would consider reinstating except for that in moments, (like yesterday and today) I feel very good and fully functional. I would hate to take a step back just as I'm easing out of the hard times. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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DJ2010, I feel really good about getting moving and just doing a little bit every day. I'd like to shoot for 10 miles a week which is a good and attainable goal for me right now. It is actually unbelievable how different I feel after getting in some exercise. Of course, some days it's harder than others to make the first move! I used to play a lot of sports and have always been pretty athletic so I think my body is so ready to respond to that kind of thing. Do you have a routine that helps you? 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(April 28)

Jogged for just a mile or so with mom. Went across town to see my friends' art show, socialized there. Came home and had a much needed nap, wrote to someone about job prospects and connections for this summer. Celebrated mom's birthday and socialized a lot at the party. It felt good, easy, natural. Several times I felt my body tensing with anxiety and gently eased myself out with breath. Feel good.

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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2 hours ago, Ottonymous said:

DJ2010, I feel really good about getting moving and just doing a little bit every day. I'd like to shoot for 10 miles a week which is a good and attainable goal for me right now. It is actually unbelievable how different I feel after getting in some exercise. Of course, some days it's harder than others to make the first move! I used to play a lot of sports and have always been pretty athletic so I think my body is so ready to respond to that kind of thing. Do you have a routine that helps you? 

Hi, yeh 10 miles a week seems like a good goal but make sure don't push yourself too much, need to listen to your body, if push too hard it will put stress on your body and nervous system and make symptoms worse, always best to get the exercise in the morning as it will set you up for the day then, if exercise too late then you may find it effecting your sleep, also listening to music while running seems to liven the brain up more, I think stimulating the brain is important to help it recover,

 

I have always kept quite fit even while heavily medicated I still managed to keep up boxing somehow, except for a couple years after went cold turkey from venlafaxine in 2009 it became a struggle, and my recent withdrawal I have been unable to do much until recently,

 

my routine since my withdrawal began around a year ago is to make sure I walk at least 1 hour a day no matter how I feel, I have been unable to run or go to the gym until very recently as it effected my sleep too much, but now I am back doing light running and now back at the gym lifting weights but still taking it quite easy and building it up slowly, I am going for a run in a moment after finished my porridge, the sun is out so going to make the most of today,

 

keep it up and keep a positive attitude and you will be fine,

 

take care

 

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 4/24/2018 at 4:27 AM, Ottonymous said:

(April 23)
I feel absolutely trapped. ... This morning I woke up with this thought that I can't shake about predetermined experiences and over and over again is the thought that no matter how I live my life, no matter what decisions I make, I am destined to kill myself. ...  In moments I feel like I should be hospitalized, in moments I feel better than ever. I am really confused and feel bad about myself. Please, any advice

 

On 4/26/2018 at 3:15 PM, Ottonymous said:

(April 25)
Mood swings are off the chain. Definitely leaning depressive, though. Lots of crying, feelings of doom, being trapped, lack of energy, annihilation of motivation, low self esteem. ... Can't figure out what the point of anything is. Thoughts of suicide and going back to self medicating with alcohol and other drugs. 

 

On 4/27/2018 at 11:14 AM, Ottonymous said:

(April 26) 
So angry. So unbelievably, self-hatingly angry. ... I so desperately want to destroy my life. There is this fire just burning me up inside and I keep thinking about relapsing (alcoholic), hurting myself, hurting others, making spiteful relationship decisions. 

 

2 hours ago, Ottonymous said:

I feel very good and fully functional. I would hate to take a step back just as I'm easing out of the hard times. 

 

You are sending very mixed messages.  Your posts over the past week don't read as very good and fully functional.  I really hope you will be okay after your very fast taper off citalopram.  I'm not trying to bring down your positivity, but I've been around a while and seen what can happen, so I tend to lean to the cautious side.  Maybe everything will be fine,  but please try to keep an open mind about the possibility of reinstating as an option if things do get worse.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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12 hours ago, Songbird said:

 

You are sending very mixed messages. 

Hi Songbird. Yes, I do see that. It is helpful to see patterns, thank you for putting those together in a link. That's why I try to write a little bit every day here. I cannot explain how compelling and true my emotions often feel to me and in any given day I have many fluctuations... that being said, it is so hard to say it is time to reinstate or something like that because depending on the hour it might not feel relevant. When I am feeling something I feel like I lose sight of what I have felt before and kind of lose insight too. I have trouble seeing the bigger picture in many things. That's something I want to work on but I'm not sure where to start. I am going to carefully watch myself this week and then decide... meeting with therapist tomorrow so maybe that will help.

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(April 30)

Went for a morning run with my friend. Finished big paper, gave speech on research topic. Went to therapy. Went to guitar center and felt excited and inspired. I want to take lessons but right now I really can't afford it. Forecast is finals, homework, and studying. And more running. Feel fine today. Can't say I feel much in any direction. Ate absolutely so junky today, cravings for sugar and carbs are crazy. I would really, really like to get that under control. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(March 1)

Woke up depressed, was late to dropping off a quiz, tried to do my math homework, couldn't even read it essentially. Decided to try to run to wake up/work it out and had a really nice, short, 2 mile run with a friend. We shared many fun ideas during that time and I felt awake and pretty good. Day continued mellow and basically good until 3:30 and dropped off a steep cliff. I felt I had no energy whatsoever, went home and took at 2 and a half hour nap. Just waking from that, feeling like ****. Feeling so low. Really considering a very small reinstatement of Celexa. Not sure how to go about it. This does not feel sustainable. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(March 3) 

The general trend in mood is unmotivated and self loathing. I decided after a lot of consideration to reinstate Celexa today but in such small doses it is basically homeopathic. I dissolved 20mg in 20ml and will be taking a little under 1 mg every night. Took a dose just 10 minutes ago and feel my feet sweating slightly? Probably psychosomatic. I really hope this helps.

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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  • Administrator

We do not consider any amount of psychiatric drugs to be homeopathic. Please let us know how you're doing.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Will do Alto. 

(March 4) 

Kept falling asleep despite sleeping 7 hours last night. Fell asleep for 2 hours after class in the morning, then fell asleep for another hour+ around 11:30am. I am fully ready to sleep now at 10:30pm and looking forward to it. Sometimes feels like the only true peace. Incredibly slowed down, very depressed. Body aches. I am also a little sick. Not seeing clearly, having problematic circular-logic convos with partner. I feel more despondent and resigned now than I ever have in my current memory. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
25 minutes ago, Ottonymous said:

Kept falling asleep despite sleeping 7 hours last night. Fell asleep for 2 hours after class in the morning, then fell asleep for another hour+ around 11:30am. I am fully ready to sleep now at 10:30pm and looking forward to it. Sometimes feels like the only true peace.

 

I have found similar with my citalopram withdrawal (celexa = citalopram).  A lot of fatigue, body not sleeping when it is meant to and then wanting to sleep at odd times.  I just try to follow what my body wants and take the extra sleep if I can. Sleep is a good thing, so it isn't really a problem unless you're supposed to be somewhere else (e.g.at work).

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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(March 6) 

Three days into ~1mg liquid Celexa I feel less tired, less negative thoughts. I ran a fair amount of errands today without getting exhausted. Still easily swayed to tears, scattered attention, quick irritation, and still have sex drive. Moments of giddiness? Could be circumstantial, ups and downs with partners can be intoxicating. Ran 3 or so miles today in the sun and that felt wonderful. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(March 😎

 

Tonight feeling some subtle restlessness in my body. The liquid Celexa has seemed to really restore me to a more grounded place. I feel much more myself now even though I am still pretty moody and experiencing hard things. Just started my period today which can possibly account for some of the intensity this last week. Had a good conversation with partner, was able to communicate something fully and felt heard. And apologize. I'm realizing now that I was intense in many different ways the past couple of months on a fast taper. Having a lot of introspective thoughts and existential pangs accompanied by real loneliness. Problems in my relationship are weighing heavy, feeling like I'm at a crossroads of some sort. Trying to figure myself out. Still sleeping fine though it feels considerably less deep now with the SSRI. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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On 4/21/2018 at 8:09 PM, MiguelFreeman said:

Don't worry I had OCD like symptoms after CT Lexapro and it took 3 months or more but it eventually stopped but OCD is scary I never had it and its scary content shut up about withdrawals I was even scared 

but eventually it stops 

Hey I’m currently experiencing some OCD like symptoms coming off of medication. I don’t do any rituals or anything but I am having these crazy intrusive thoughts about harming loved ones and also somatic images about scratching the cartilage in my nose. I really just want it to go away and I am praying it’s withdrawal from medication. If you could offer me some advice and support I’d be really grateful. I really am fragile at the moment I don’t want to be dealing with this 

2014-2018 3 years of 50mg Sertraline

Tapered by reducing the amount of days taking the medication - never the dosage for about 5 months. 

2-3 weeks from last dose started feeling anxious took 1x  50 mg (stupidly) and for the next week began experiencing withdrawals 

Reinstated at same dose for 2 weeks 5 days then with advice of doctor CT 

5 weeks of withdrawals - first window of 6 days 

2018-2023 Prozac 20mg. 
2022-2023 took 1 x 20 mg a week / 1.5 weeks - seemed to still be stable 

2023 October I came off CT

2024 March reinstated at 20mg for 4 days 

went down to 0.4 which I am now holding for 7 days so far 

supplements - lions mane, magnesium and omega - 3 

 

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Here is some more information on my journey and current experience if that helps 

 

2014-2018 3 years of 50mg Sertraline

Tapered by reducing the amount of days taking the medication - never the dosage for about 5 months. 

2-3 weeks from last dose started feeling anxious took 1x  50 mg (stupidly) and for the next week began experiencing withdrawals 

Reinstated at same dose for 2 weeks 5 days then with advice of doctor CT 

5 weeks of withdrawals - first window of 6 days 

2018-2023 Prozac 20mg. 
2022-2023 took 1 x 20 mg a week / 1.5 weeks - seemed to still be stable 

2023 October I came off CT

2024 March reinstated at 20mg for 4 days 

went down to 0.4 which I am now holding for 7 days so far 

supplements - lions mane, magnesium and omega - 3 

 

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Hey Josh, 

I read your intro and topic and I feel for you so, so much. It sounds like we have a lot of similarities in terms of health anxiety and OCD-like experiences. Did you feel this way before getting onto Zoloft? Also, I'm wondering how much of this is due to going cold turkey? I know I tapered way too fast and that's when I started to obsess about my fingernails, nails twisting and breaking, and toes twisting etc. It felt very real and I have learned over the years that part of what makes these thoughts compelling for me is that I enter a headspace in which it is hard to trust that what I'm thinking is not real. Or more that if I can't stop thinking them they will come true and it all comes back to fear of losing control.

 

I find that entering into things that are challenging and painful with a sense of curiosity has really helped me. Even though its awful and it feels awful I would kind of investigate and in a calm, nonjudgmental way the things that make it worse and make it better. And when you're talking about intrusive thoughts,  there are so many opportunities to try to see what makes it better. For awhile I did experiments in distancing myself from the obsession, just feeling it and seeing if I could breathe and bring down the volume of it. I would say, "thoughts are just thoughts" and do something distracting while breathing it out. 

 

For me the solution was time, mindfulness, and magnesium spray at night. I started to get really, really good sleep which brought down my overall anxiety. 

Hang in there! It's temporary, you're not alone. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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(March 12)

Things have been very up and down but I haven't had any anxiety in a while which is a blessing. I have been running, exercising at least 5 times a week. A lot of what I struggle with these days is due to lack of structure and personal pride. I want to feel useful and masterful. Kind of a weird transitional time for me and I at times have very low self esteem because I feel like a wandering ghost. I don't know what I'm passionate about and I feel pressure to figure things out. I'm actually not sure what I do and don't know/do and dont want in general. This is supposedly a classically borderline personality disorder thing (I've been diagnosed but question it), but this is also completely normal for being 22. 

An amazing thing for me these days has been humor! I feel like I forgot all about it! I've been watching good comedy and finding it so useful for remembering to not take things so seriously. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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19 hours ago, Ottonymous said:

Hey Josh, 

I read your intro and topic and I feel for you so, so much. It sounds like we have a lot of similarities in terms of health anxiety and OCD-like experiences. Did you feel this way before getting onto Zoloft? Also, I'm wondering how much of this is due to going cold turkey? I know I tapered way too fast and that's when I started to obsess about my fingernails, nails twisting and breaking, and toes twisting etc. It felt very real and I have learned over the years that part of what makes these thoughts compelling for me is that I enter a headspace in which it is hard to trust that what I'm thinking is not real. Or more that if I can't stop thinking them they will come true and it all comes back to fear of losing control.

 

I find that entering into things that are challenging and painful with a sense of curiosity has really helped me. Even though its awful and it feels awful I would kind of investigate and in a calm, nonjudgmental way the things that make it worse and make it better. And when you're talking about intrusive thoughts,  there are so many opportunities to try to see what makes it better. For awhile I did experiments in distancing myself from the obsession, just feeling it and seeing if I could breathe and bring down the volume of it. I would say, "thoughts are just thoughts" and do something distracting while breathing it out. 

 

For me the solution was time, mindfulness, and magnesium spray at night. I started to get really, really good sleep which brought down my overall anxiety. 

Hang in there! It's temporary, you're not alone. 

No I didn’t experience any of these OCD - like symptoms before going on medication - however I did experience them about half way down the line getting instrusive thoughts about hurting others. I went into medication quite quickly from my first experience with mental health - probably about a month down the line. So it’s confusing to me whether if this is what I’m like or not or if it’s the medication and withdrawal.

 

Thank you you for being really helpful, this possibly could be because I quit cold turkey the second time I tried to reinstate, I really am thinking of trying again to start my medication as it’s been 5 weeks and I’ve only had one window of normality and I don’t know how long I can cope with this constant mental uncomfort. How long did you experience your somatic ocd? Did it go away or get better? 

 

Its frustating because I feel like most of my nasty physical symptoms are gone and now it’s just horrendous anxiety and these obsessions and mental urge feelings that are here. I just want to get better and the uncertainty of how long this could last before I return to normal or if going back on would do me worse is very annoying 

2014-2018 3 years of 50mg Sertraline

Tapered by reducing the amount of days taking the medication - never the dosage for about 5 months. 

2-3 weeks from last dose started feeling anxious took 1x  50 mg (stupidly) and for the next week began experiencing withdrawals 

Reinstated at same dose for 2 weeks 5 days then with advice of doctor CT 

5 weeks of withdrawals - first window of 6 days 

2018-2023 Prozac 20mg. 
2022-2023 took 1 x 20 mg a week / 1.5 weeks - seemed to still be stable 

2023 October I came off CT

2024 March reinstated at 20mg for 4 days 

went down to 0.4 which I am now holding for 7 days so far 

supplements - lions mane, magnesium and omega - 3 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

(June 2)

It's been awhile so it's a little hard for me to say what has changed. I am still taking .7mg liquid Celexa in the AM and 1mg of it in the evening. Still on 900mg of Lithium and would theoretically like to reduce that, for many reasons, but the primary one involves the poor interactions I've learned that it has with some plant medicines I want to work with. Not a big enough reason right now I think. Still 600mg Gabapentin in the AM. 

My mood really leveled out in the past two-three weeks. I don't have much anxiety at all and although I still can experience sadness and boredom, (mostly from staying home alone on my computer for long periods of time,) I can come out of these states relatively easily. 

Eating a lot of food in this particular moment. Self medicating, essentially. I don't have much structure and I know when I start work and school things will be much different. 

Going out into nature again tomorrow. Perhaps for a nice, long hike. I think that would be amazing. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

It's good to hear of your improvements.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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  • 7 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Ottonymous, 

 

How are you doing?💚

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Ottonymous: preparing to come off... seeking advice

Hi Carmie, 

Wow it's been awhile. Thank you for reminding me about the website and this particular period in my journey. Right now I am really mentally healthy and feeling good in life. This is what's most important to me. I know the process of finding out what works best for you when it comes to self care can be painful, especially when it involves changing your brain chemistry in coming off of medication, but the way I was going about making this lifestyle change was nearing self abuse. I was trying way too much too fast, and kind of doubled down on my decisions to come off meds from a place of stubbornness and grit alone. (This is not a compliment to myself, my behavior was really self-damaging). 

I'm not sure how far back you read on my catalogue of thoughts throughout the days but my partner and I broke up right around when I stopped writing and my mental health was pretty shaky. To restabalize before reevaluating, my medication situation I got back on 1050mg Lithium, 2.5 Celexa, and 600mg Gabapentin. This is still a very good reduction in celexa and gabapentin compared to where I started off, but still a lot of meds nonetheless. I'm currently on this mix. 

I have a lot of complicated feelings about medications and mental health in general. Whether or not I choose to get off medication and do so healthily and successfully remains to be seen, but either way I am still utterly pissed that I was put on these medications without a glimpse of an exit plan. It's never even discussed. It's ludicrous. 

Anyway, that being said I'm doing really well where I'm at. Feeling a pretty full and honest range of human emotions, stable, accountable, autonomous, creative, staying physically active, and mentally engaged. Lonely sometimes, but that's a separate deal. 

Thank you for checking in and allowing me the opportunity to check in with myself on your behalf, Carmie. I hope you are well. 

 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Ottonymous, 

 

I’m glad you’re doing well at the moment. If you decide to taper again, maybe do the brassmonkey slide or microtaper, as it might be a bit easier. I don’t have the brain power to read your whole thread, but I see you’ve fast tapered in the past. There is hope for you getting off these meds if you decide to, you just have to go really, really slow.

 

Could you please update your signature. Thank you. Take care 💚

 

 

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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  • 1 year later...

Well, I'm back, years later. Yesterday I got results back from the lab that indicated my kidneys were not functioning as well as they should be. My creatinine is elevated as is my thyroid stimulating hormone. I'm also badly anemic. I'm 25. Right now I'm preparing to come off of my medication because I know the lithium is making me sick. My psychiatrist is on board with me--we have talked about doing this before, and now I am just in a preparing phase. I am getting a therapist that takes my insurance and looking for a naturopath that can help with align my body and deal with withdrawals. I don't need to do this quickly but I really feel like I need to succeed at getting off medication this time. I don't need it, I was misdiagnosed bipolar when I just have unresolved trauma and have BPD. Medication has altered my life completely, I have no way of knowing who I would have been. But I don't feel like dwelling on that, I just want to get healthy now. My plan is to just eat as cleanly as I can for a month, get my things in order, start working fewer hours, and follow a tapering schedule. Any advice welcome. 

Lithium: Nov. 2014 - Nov. 2017 (900mg). Dec 2017- Mar. 2018 (1050mg) // Apr. 6 2018 AM (325mg) Apr. 13 2018 AM (300mg) PM (600mg)={900mg}

Celexa: Nov. 2014 - Apr 2015 (40mg) May 2015 - Sept. 2017 (20mg) Oct. 2017 - Dec. 2017 (10mg) Jan. 2018-Mar. 2018 (5mg) Mar. 15 2018 (2.5mg) Apr. 1 2018 (1.7mg) Apr. 9 2018 (0.00mg - FREE!) Mar. 3 (~0.8 mg)

Gabapentin: Jan. 2013-Apr. 2016 (2,700mg) Apr. 2016-Mar. 2017 (900mg) Mar. 2017-Mar. 2018 (600mg)

 

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.” —Osho

 

 

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  • Administrator

I'm very sorry you are experiencing that adverse effect from lithium, Otto.

 

For greatest success, we advise a slow taper. See Tips for tapering off lithium

 

Your doctors may not see the sense in this, but if you've had difficulty going off before, this is more likely to work for you. The burden on your kidneys will lessen as you decrease the lithium dosage.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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