Carmie: accidently doubling up on Seroquel one day while tapering

[Carmie]

Hi @Gridley @Guilietta @India @hayduke @ShiningLight @Rabe

 

Thank you all so so very much for dropping by. I’m still going through a real rough time, unrelated to withdrawals, but I won’t go into details here. I’ve been so sick with CFS, plus dealing with all the stress that I just don’t have to emotional and mental energy to do much on this site at the moment. 

 

That being said, I am going to write a gratitude list as I’ve done in the past, here goes: 

 

1. Went to the Hilton on Sunday for a kitchen tea with friends. Got to dress up because it was a fancy high tea. ☕️🧁🍰 I very rarely eat sugar, but I think I ate enough sugar to last the year. 😆

 

2. There are beautiful jacaranda trees everywhere in the city now.🌳💜

 

3. Was invited to a friend’s place for dinner on Saturday night. Yummy chicken and vegetables. I must say I’m a massive, big fan of cauliflower mash😋. I loooooove vegetables 🥦🥑🍆🍅🥬🥒🌶🥕

 

4. Been invited to a wedding next month.👰🏻🤵🏻

 

5. Did some decluttering yesterday. One of my favourite things is to declutter. I hate having lots of stuff. It always feels good to get rid of stuff you don’t use or like anymore. Bye bye👋👋👋

 

6. My cat is purring on the bed next to me.🐈😍

 

7. Just had some yummy coconut water. 🥥🥤

 

8. Been invited to a get together this Sunday evening with friends.🎉🎉

 

9. I’m grateful for all my friends. They are so caring and are always contacting me.🧡🧡

 

10. My comfy bed and my weighted blanket.🛏

 

I dropped down  from 6.25mg to 6mg on Monday night too. Tapering is such a long process, but I’m always happy when I’m able to drop a little. 

 

Hope you guys guys are all coping as best you can, much love to all🧡🧡🧡

[oops44]

sorry to hear youve hit a rough patch and I hope things smooth out for you shortly.  

 

things have really gone down hill here without you to moderate.  its like alto lets anyone with a device and an internet connection to just come here and make an account or something........  :^)  dont worry we'll try to whip these noobs into shape until you're ready to come back.  

 

take it easy and happy healing

[Giulietta]

9 hours ago, Carmie said:

plus dealing with all the stress that I just don’t have to emotional and mental energy to do much on this site at the moment. 

 

Hello Carmie,

 

So nice to hear from you. Very sorry to hear about the ongoing difficulties -  I think you have had a run of these to last you a while. 🙁

 

I love your gratitude list!!! That you have so many things in your life to appreciate, social events and plans to look forward to - is wonderful.  High tea and dressing up is a rare treat and special memory. I'll have to scour the grocery store shelves for cocut water. Sounds intersting!

 

Congratulations on decreasing to 6. And the decluttering....   That is a nasty job...good for you

 

Giuilietta 🤗

[Carmie]

Hi @oops44 @Guilietta

 

Thanks for dropping by. I’m having a rough day. I’m stuck in bed at the moment due to my illness, and I have lots of other stressors, but I can still see things to be grateful for. Too braindead to write a gratitude list today though, brain fog is as thick as molasses. 

 

Oops44, Most of the moderators are going through withdrawals themselves and they are kind enough to volunteer their time to help others. I will be back to moderate when I’m able to, I just have soooooo much on my plate at the moment and I’m really sick. I hope you’re doing well. 

 

Guilietta, nice to hear from you. Yes, coconut water is yummy, especially with berries added to it. I’m a big fan of still looking at things we can be grateful for. Even though I’m stuck in bed at the moment I just had a yummy lunch. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

Edited October 28, 2019 by Carmie

[direstraits]

sending big hugs 🤗🤗🤗

hope you get relief soon.🙏❤️

[Rabe]

Take care of yourself Carmie with all you are dealing with!!  You are so strong amidst all this!  Rest well! Hope the latest drop has gone ok Carmie!💜

[hayduke]

Hey Carmie, how are you getting on?

 

I hope things are improving for you.

 

*hugs*

[Rabe]

Have been thinking about you Carmie, knowing you have so much going on.  Hoping you are feeling even some better and that life is even a bit less stressful.  Take care Carmie!!💜

[direstraits]

On 11/15/2019 at 12:35 AM, Rabe said:

Have been thinking about you Carmie, knowing you have so much going on.  Hoping you are feeling even some better and that life is even a bit less stressful.  Take care Carmie!!💜

ditto! ❤️🤗

[Sunnyday]

Hi Carmie. I hope you are feeling better and if not I hope there is something to distract you from it.

I would not stress coming back too soon if you're not feeling it, even though you have a great impact on people here. It's important to take the time needed to heal and feel well, I think. I won't be long-winded, I just hope you'll be feeling better soon. 

 

Take care of yourself, big hugs.

[Carmie]

Hi @Rabe @direstraits @hayduke @Sunnyday

 

Thank u all so much for thinking about me. I haven’t been doing so well, lots of tears being shed, nothing to do with withdrawals though. I want to share what I’m going through, but at the same time I want to keep it private. I’ve never been much for forums, except for this one and one for a CFS group I was in ages ago. I’m in a lot of pain at this moment with lots of confusing and contradictory emotions, but again, I don’t want to share personal information.

 

What I will do is what I’ve done in the past and share ten things I’m grateful for, so here goes: 

 

1.) Here in Brisbane we haven’t been getting much rain, but we had a short burst of torrential rain today, which made me so happy.

 

2.) We’ve had lots of warm days and I’m grateful for the air conditioning in my bedroom. 

 

3.) I looove fairy lights and I love turning them on in my bedroom as soon as I wake up. 

 

4.) My friends. I just looooooove my friends, I don’t feel worthy of them but they are always there for me. I can’t believe the amount of friends that care about me. I had so many messages from them this evening.

 

5.) So looking forward to catching up with one of my friends that I haven’t seen for a while this Monday if I’m well enough. 

 

6.) My cat is so cute. I just clipped her nails yesterday, she wasn’t too impressed but she let me do it. 

 

7.) I’ve been doing diamond paintings again lately. I did a fun one of a giraffe and now I’m doing a fun one of donkeys. I did one of a balcony scene near the beach too. The beach is my happy place. I wish I lived near the beach. 

 

8.) Went to a wedding a little while ago. I’m really sick with CFS, but that night I was actually able to do a few dances. Was bawling my eyes out not long before then due to the pain I’m going through, but that’s life, 

 

9.) I’ve managed to accomplish soooooo many errands due to my circumstances. I have a lot more to go, but every time something gets done it’s a sigh of relief. 

 

10.) I do love life, I’m numb at the moment as I’m going through a tremendous amount of pain. I’m an optimist at heart though, and I know things will turn out. 

 

I haven’t tapered for almost two months, but I can see that in the horizon. I have about a decade of tapering to go, so I guess one must just continue to focus on living life through this time. If we only focus on the pain then life will be a drudgery. 

 

All I can say to all of you is that we take it one day at a time. Those days when withdrawals seem like a life sentence, they really aren’t. One of these days we will win this fight. We may be old when we do, I’m in my mid fifties. If I get over withdrawals when I’m seventy I’ll be happy, Because of my faith I know I have a better life ahead, my faith is what keeps me going no matter what pain I’m in. 

 

One day at a time does it, one hour at a time does it, one minute at a time does it.

 

I know it’s hard to be strong, but we can do this this. 

 

Sending lots outs and lots of hugs to all🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

 

[sunnysideup69]

Hello @Carmie, I often look at your thread. Nice to meet you. I just wanted to say hello. I'm in the agony of 4 months in, trying to stabilise at the moment, and your post above just was so wonderful to read, really inspiring. Thank you ❤️ 

[Sunnyday]

Good to hear from you Carmie! I'm very sorry that you're going through so much pain right now, but glad to hear you have so much support from your friends. You're right though in that things will turn out okay in the end. Your gratitude list is amazing as always. 

 

Thinking about you and hope you will find some way to relieve the pain even if just for a short while, you're very strong. 

 

Edit: if you meditate with the help of YouTube it's likely you already know this one, but it's one of my favourites and since you like the beach so much I thought I would link it in case you feel like listening, hope you don't mind. Here it is:

 

Lots of hugs, take care. 💚

[direstraits]

Hi @Carmie

nice to hear from you but sorry it's still so difficult...my heart goes out to you.❤️

I've been having a hard time lately too...it feels like will never end sometimes.

you still manage to do a gratitude list, good for you!

I hope and pray you can get some relief from your suffering.❤️🙏

 

lots of love and hugs,ds 🤗🤗🤗

[Giulietta]

Hello dear @Carmie

 

It's nice to read a post from you - even though you've been having  a rough time of it with emotions - as well as feeling terrible physically. I hope you are bit by bit going through whatever difficult personal things in your life. It seems we can't catch a break, doesn't it.

 

Nice to see your gratitude list.

On 12/13/2019 at 6:48 AM, Carmie said:

I have a lot more to go, but every time something gets done it’s a sigh of relief. 

 

Isn't it a great feeling. I'm glad you are proud of yourself. My list of errands and to do's just keeps getting longer.

 

 

On 12/13/2019 at 6:48 AM, Carmie said:

One of these days we will win this fight. We may be old when we do, I’m in my mid fifties. If I get over withdrawals when I’m seventy I’ll be happy, Because of my faith I know I have a better life ahead,

 

Ditto. I'm the same age and I ponder when I will be through this.    One day we will get there. I need my faith to get me through this as well.   I have been having a crummy time of it too.

 

On 12/13/2019 at 6:48 AM, Carmie said:

We’ve had lots of warm days and I’m grateful for the air conditioning in my bedroom. 

 

It's freezing cold where I am - so I am grateful to have good heat.  During the summer I am so grateful for AC in my bedroom. This is a huge win!

 

Thinking of you. And I look forward to crawling under weighted blanked at night too. I could not sleep without it.

 

Take care until your next message. Hugs,

 

Giulietta

 

 

[Gridley]

On 12/13/2019 at 6:48 AM, Carmie said:

share ten things I’m grateful for,

Carmie,

 

I always like to read your gratitude posts.  They're an inspiration.

 

I see you did a diamond painting with donkeys.  We just moved our donkeys to a new pasture.  They eat some much grass we have to rotate the pastures.  We like it better when they're in the middle pasture because we can find them give them their carrot and broccoli stalk treats. 

 

I hope you feel better soon.  Congratulations on dancing!

 

Gridley

[hayduke]

Hey @Carmie doesn't it suck having all the pressures of life plus the extra challenges we've been dealt.

 

I admire how you stay positive, it's really helpful.  You'll get through it eh

 

Thinking back to your enthusiasm for nature, it's really helping me being in it again now.  Even with the bloody fires. 

 

Finding even though it's impossible to avoid stress and things that set off fight-or-flight reactions, being conscious of how to minimise those and how to tone it back down once it's set off is helping a lot.  Restorative yoga is amazing.  Even just remembering to breathe out slowly and calmly is enough to get me back on track a lot of the time.  That and someone gave me a spray of magnesium chloride oil - stuff is great!

 

Cheers

[Carmie]

Hi @Sunnysideup @Sunnyday @Guilietta @Gridley @hayduke

 

Thanks so very much for coming over to my neck of the woods. I will be coming to visit your threads when I’m able to. 

 

I have a lot on my plate at the moment, and as I’m extremely sick with a chronic illness as well, everything is a little overwhelming. It’s a day at a time. 

 

I will do my gratitude list though, we always have things to be grateful for no matter how much pain we go through. Here goes:

 

1.) Had to run some important errands yesterday and today and got them done. Yay! They’re not sorted as yet, but there is slow forward movement. I’m fortunate I’m a really patient person. I don’t really understand impatience. If something doesn’t get figured out in one day you just go back and do the next step the next day. As long as each day moves you forward that’s a plus. Even if it takes a week or weeks, every day you do something is a step forward. 

 

2.) After doing the most important errand  yesterday a friend wanted to catch up with me which was so nice. She really brightened my day. It was a really hot day and we were in air conditioning at the shopping centre. She went with me to the other errands I had to do. All done! Tick! 

 

3.) On the same day when she drove me home, there were other friends at my place. It was an extremely hot day but I have aircon in my bedroom so we chilled in there for a while. It was a really stressful day for me, but having all these amazing friends just keeps me going. I can’t thank them enough. 

 

4.) I bought some yummy fruit today. Can’t wait to eat the pawpaw, though I think in some countries they call it papaya.

 

5.) Did a diamond painting today while listening to videos. I gave one of my friends who came around a diamond painting to take home, she was excited as she’s never done them before. I’ve done sooooo many, I find them very therapeutic. They’re quite cheap on eBay. I got her to choose one she likes and it was one of planets in outer space. I also love colouring in.

 

6.) Love my puddy cat. She’s not a sit on your lap cat, but she does love lying right to you and purring her head off when you pet her.

 

7.) I definitely have to say love my aircon in my bedroom when the weather is extreme. I love my bedroom too, I tend to live in there because of my illness anyway. I’ve made it such a happy place with lots of artwork on the walls. 

 

8.) Love being in nature. I have a creek not far from where I live and I went there the other day and watched all the dogs swimming in the creek.

 

9.) I really appreciate all the amazing flavours we get in our foods. I love trying new foods. 

 

10.) Looking forward to the new Star Wars movie: The Rise Of Skywalker. 

 

I tapered yesterday too. It’s been two months since I last tapered. I’ve gone from 6mg to 5.80mg.

 

Sending hugs to you all🤗🤗🤗

[Carmie]

Hi one and all, 

 

I hope you are coping as best you can. I’ve had lots of waves these last two months as I’ve had other major stressors in my life but I stabilised and this week I tapered again. Yay🎉🎉

 

I think having distractions is one of the best things one can do to help cope with withdrawals. I’ve been doing lots of diamond paintings again, it’s fun sticking the little beads on. I used to do lots of colouring in, but a friend sent me a diamond painting ages ago and that was it, I was hooked! I still like colouring in, I like doing arts and crafts in general. I had to stop crocheting the big blankets I was doing for years to help cope with withdrawals because I got R.S.I.  I guess I  could try n crochet just small little things very occasionally. I was literally crocheting non stop for years. I took it everywhere I went and my wrist finally said that’s enough!

 

I hope everyone is finding distractions to help them cope. My motto is Distract! Distract! Distract!

 

Sending hugs 🤗

[ShiningLight]

So glad to hear you're doing a bit better and were able to taper. Fantastic!

[Rabe]

Hi Carmie...thinking about you!  Hope the taper continues to go ok!!  Hope things have settled a bit in your life!  Wishing you blessings in the new year Carmie!💜

[hayduke]

Hey Carmie, hope you're enjoying holiday season and the taper is going well.

 

Cheers

[Giulietta]

On 12/17/2019 at 7:52 PM, Carmie said:

I think having distractions is one of the best things one can do to help cope with withdrawals. I’ve been doing lots of diamond paintings again, it’s fun sticking the little beads on. I used to do lots of colouring in, but a friend sent me a diamond painting ages ago and that was it, I was hooked! I still like colouring in, I like doing arts and crafts in general. I had to stop crocheting the big blankets I was doing for years to help cope with withdrawals because I got R.S.I.  I guess I  could try n crochet just small little things very occasionally. I was literally crocheting non stop for years. I took it everywhere I went and my wrist finally said that’s enough!

 

Hello Carnie,

 

I wish you a very happy 2020 in the land downunder! I appreciate your updates when you post them. Your posivity and accomplishments are an inspriration to us all. As another member reminded us - WD is a disability for us - at some times more than others. Distracting is the way to handle it. Thanks to you, I have come to accept a bad day (or bed/chair bound morningI) less as a thing of dread - but the need to have plan B. That means having things on my desk or beside my bed to do if I can't move around. Thank you for that.

 

Maybe you have set yourself a few attainable goals for 2020 with your lovely diamond painings. I am working on that now. I may pick up that knitting project (I like arts and crafts too!) - a quilt I started 2 years ago .  A few rows at a time. I am knitting small strips to sew together.

 

Have you looked at the coloring books by Johanna Basford? I got one for Xmas a few years ago and was hooked! The one below looks nice and is on my wish list.

https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Ocean-Adventure-Coloring-Adults/dp/0143108999/ref=sr_1_6?crid=4YA8AFGOA7JI&keywords=adult+coloring+johanna+basford&qid=1577802981&s=books&sprefix=adult+coloring+johanna%2Cstripbooks%2C156&sr=1-6

 

I wish you all the best, dear Carmie, for a  2020 with continued healing and happiness.

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

[Carmie]

Hi one and all, 

 

I’m hoping to get to more of your threads when I’m able. I’m really struggling at the moment with things unrelated to withdrawals. Thanks for thinking of me. 

 

Withdrawals haven’t been too bad lately as I’m tapering at under four percent I think. I’m going down this time at 0.20 mg. I was going down at 0.25mg before. The lower one gets though the tinier the amounts become though. I’ve got a decade or so of tapering to go. I’m so grateful that a lot of you can taper by ten percent, but I can’t do so as I get akathisia which is one of the most horrendous experiences anyone can go through. I’ve had a lot of pain in my life but nothing compares to akathisia. 

 

I keep wanting to go on this site to encourage others but I’m going through such hard times in my life. The thing is that I’m extremely positive by nature, but because of my illness ( chronic fatigue syndrome ) I don’t have much to give at the moment due the things that are happening in my life. 

 

I’m trying to live life in my real life, not my online life. I have the most amazing friends and the tiny bit of strength I have seems to being towards them. I wish I could tell you all the pain I’m going through in my life, but I want to keep it to myself. 

 

Sending lots of hugs to all of you that are going through this most horrendous journey 🤗🤗🤗🤗

[sunnysideup69]

Hello Carmie, just read your above post, wishing you a happier new year and a decade full of healing and peace and joy. 

Lots of love,

SSU

[mimi]

Dear Carmie,

I'm sorry for your hard times and happy you have amazing friends. I hope it will get better soon.

Sending hugs 🤗

[Rosetta]

Hi, Carmie, I’m sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now.  I’m glad you have such a wide network of friends.  Hang in there!!💖Rosetta

[Miracle123]

Hi Carmie, How are you? Feeling sad to hear that u hits with some discomfort and waves. Hope everything will be better and goes well for u .Hugs and take care.

 

 

 

 

 

[Giulietta]

 

Hello dear Carmie,

 

I want to let you know I am thinking of you - and hope you are doing OK (or better than ok ).  

 

Winter has been cold and warm intermittently and a few more cloudy days than I would like. Sun makes life a bit brighter, no pun intended.

 

I hope you have been able to do a nice thing here or there with your friends.

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

[hayduke]

Hope you're doing ok Carmie

 

*hugs*

[Sunnyday]

Hi Carmie. I think it's a good idea to focus on your real life rather than the online life as you say. It's a healthy attitude. I really hope things will get resolved for you soon and that you will feel a little better. Stressful situations can make withdrawal a lot more difficult, and it's already difficult enough.

 

Big hugs, take care. 

[Carmie]

Hi @Sunnysideup @mimi @Rosetta @Miracle123 @Guilietta @hayduke @Sunnyday

 

I really am overwhelmed that you keep thinking about me despite the fact I haven’t been on this site in forever.

 

I am going through a really rough time and it has nothing to do with withdrawals. I’m still going through waves, despite the fact that I think the last time I tapered it was by about 3.4%. It’s bearable though. 
 

I’m such an extremely positive person by nature, but I’m also extremely sick with CFS and I’m going through so much pain with other things in my life. One day at a time does it. 
 

Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooo much for caring about me, it means so much 🧡🧡🧡🧡

[Carmie]

Just documenting: I dropped from 5.80mg to 5.60mg on the 21st of January. I’ve been having some waves, but I’m not doing too bad. 
 

Okay, I’m going to do a gratitude list again, here goes: 

 

1) We are getting rain in Australia again.💦💦💦 Yay! 🎉We need as much rain as we can get as bushfires have been so awful. I’m not in the bushfire areas but on some days in the past the smoke has been so bad my eyes kept watering. There were fires up n down the coast from where I live. I’m so happy to see the rain. It’s really relaxing too when you’re at home and it’s raining outside.

 

2) I got myself some comfy pillows and a doona, so now my bed is extra comfy. I spend so much time there so I’m very happy about the comfort level now.🛌

 

3) I have lots of yummy food 🥕🥦🍅🥗🥘🍲🍜 I’m a big fan of Tom Yum soup, it’s yummy and stays true to its name. I buy the paste. 

 

4) I was able to do another drop in my meds last month. Slow and steady does it. 
 

5) I’m going through hard times, but my friends have been absolutely AMAZING!! I have a fabulous support system and I’m ever so grateful.👩🏽👱🏼👨🏼‍🦰👩‍🦱🧒🏻👵🏻👩🏻‍🦳👱🏽‍♂️🧓👴🏾👧🏻

 

6) My niece came up from Canberra and she looks so glowing, she’s going to have a baby soon.👶🏻

 

7) My sister in law came up from Ballarat and stayed with me for a few days. It was lovely to have her here. She wasn’t too fussed on our hot Queensland weather though☀️☀️☀️😁. It gets pretty cold where she lives, I’ve stayed there in winter. It was nice, every morning I woke up she had already put logs on the fire, so cosy. She lives in property too and there are🦘🦘🦘🦘. Just so peaceful out in the country🌳🌳

 

 

8. I managed to get a lot of things organised that needed organising. Still have heaps to go, but one day at a time does it.

 

9) I’m in my comfy bed at the moment. 
 

10.) I’ve been watching the original Star Trek series. Love my Star Trek. 📺

 

Hope everyone is coping as best they can, sending hugs your way🤗🤗

 

[Carmie]

Okay one more thought for today, 

 

If you wake up in a panic in the morning deep breathe from the diaphragm. It helps me so much. I’m in withdrawal normal at the moment, but I still get waves all the time. I have a morning routine and I’m making it a habit. The first thing I do is diaphragmatic breathing. It really helps me with that wake up in a panic morning feeling, 
 

Okay, my morning routine now is breathe from the diaphragm, then praying to my beautiful Creator, drinking a glass or two of water, brushing my teeth, doing stream of consciousness journaling and then reading the Bible. 
 

I’ve been reading lots of info on habits. Such amazing info. If things become habits eventually you no longer have to think about them.They just become part of your life. My morning routine seems to be going well. Next, is incorporating afternoon habits and after that evening habit. If we don’t make things habits our life ends up too chaotic and then it’s even harder to cope with withdrawals. That being said, if you are in waves non stop it’s hard to create habits, but when you reach some kind of equilibrium try to do this again. 
 

Stream of consciousness journaling is so amazing. What it is, is just writing whatever is in your mind for three pages. No grammar needs, just scribble your thoughts for three pages, it can be so messy that no one can read it. I actually end up tearing it up and throwing it in the bin afterwards, not that anyone could read it anyway 🤣. My normal writing is really neat but when I do this kind of journaling I just scribble.  It helps SO MUCH every morning. I can’t start the day now without these morning pages. No censoring!! Whatever comes into your brain write it down. Believe me, it really, really helps to start  your day that way. It helps me sooooo much  and the habit is so entrenched now that I have to do it. Try it!
 

Hang in there everyone🧡🧡🧡

 

[direstraits]

these are great ideas, @Carmie !

I'm going to try them....thanks!

❤️

[Carmie]

Hi @direstraits

 

Yes, I’m finding a morning routine really good. Waking up and doing diaphragmatic breathing helps so much. This morning I also switched on sounds of rain. Nature sounds are calming too, maybe I’ll add that into my morning habits as well. It’s really helping me to have a good morning routine that comes automatically now, as it starts my day off positively no matter how awful I’m feeling. 
 

The  three pages of stream of consciousness journaling every morning helps me a lot too. You just have to keep writing for three pages anything and everything that comes into your head, no censoring whatsoever. If your mind goes blank just continue to write: I don’t know what to say. Keep that pen going. Your thoughts comes back to you eventually again. I just love doing this every morning, it’s just a fabulous brain dump getting all those millions of swirling thoughts out of your head and then on paper. You just scribble, don’t worry about grammar, punctuation or anything, just write and write and write until you fill up those three pages. 
 

Take care, sending hugs🤗