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jordanmcr jordanmcr Please help. Scared.


jordanmcr

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Moderator note: link to benzo forum thread: jordanmcr: Please help. Scared.

 

Hi, 
I am looking fir some advice. For the last 6 months I have been really struggling with my mental health. Specifically Depersonalisation/Derealisation, depression and anxiety. This all started in November 17 around the time I found out about the pregnancy of my first child  (planned). 

I had a bad relaspe in all.of my symptoms. At this point I had been meds free for nearly 2 years (Mirtazapine) and didn't have any prior experience with benzo usage or dependence. I ended up going back onto the Mirtazapine again in Dec 17 as things had gotten really bad and I was worrying because my girlfriend was pregnant and I wanted to be well. The Mirtazapine didn't seem to work like the first time around and I came off it (too fast) and was put on citalopram, I had a horrible reaction what I believe to be Akathesia and ended up in hospital psych ward for 3 weeks. In this period they prescibed me Diazepam most days at around 5-10mg a day and put me back onto the Mirtazapine at 15mg. Upon leaving the hospital i stopped the benzo because I didn't want to become dependent. Following that things have jist gotten worse and worse for me. The dpdr have gotten to a point where I feel like ive lost my sense of self, I don't get any joy from things and life just feels meaningless, I have constant anxiety and feelings of terror. Things have just been getting progressively worse. As I didn't think the Mirtazapine was working and could of been causing these issues I started to taper around a month ago and things got even worse. I had a cisntant feeling of fear and terror, i feel hopeless, I don't remember anything about my life and feel like I'm almost losing touch with reality. My memories feel fake and like a dream, I have constant anxiety. Anhedonhia and nothing i used to enjoy brings me any happiness. I ended up back in the hospital because things got so bad. Constant dark intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation and I'm terrified because I have a baby on the way and so desperatly want to be there for her and my partner. I'm in cosntant state of tears because I can't see anyway out of this and the thought of not being able to make it is killing me.

In the hospital last week they took me off Mirtazapine 15mg to.0mg overnight so pretty much CT and they were giving me lorazapam For 5 days at 1mg a day. The hospital didn't really help and I've been discharged. Since leaving I have had the worst nausea start with anxiety as soon as I wake up. All the previous symptoms just seem to be getting worse. I have been prescibed Lorazapam and have noticed that when I take one the edge is taken off the symptoms drastically. 

my main questions today are - 

Can I be in Benzo withdrawel from just 3 weeks use back in December? 

Could this be due to the Mirtazapine withdrawel and not benzo?

Would the fact that taking lorazepam significantly reduces symptoms within 30 mins suggest that this is benzo withdrawel? 

Should I reinstate Mirtazapine or continue to take lorazapam/taper?

As soon as I wake up in the morning all the symptoms are back. Horrible nausea and anxiety and tinnitus.

I'm desperate for some help because I can't continue to live like this. I miss feeling comfortable in my body. I miss feeling happiness and looking forwards to the future. Every second feels like hell at the moment. 

Thank you. [...]

 

Edited by Shep
added moderator note with link to benzo thread

Mirtazapine 30mg Nov 17

Citalopram 10mg Nov17 (only one dose)

Mirtazapine 15mg (reinstated) Dec 17

Valium 5-10mg daily Dec17-Jan18 (3wks

Mirtazapine >22.5mg Feb 18

Mirtazapine 22.5 > 18mg March 18

Mirtazapine 15mg>0mg CT April 6th 18

Lorazapam 1mg PRN April 6th-11th

Agomelatine/Valdoxan 25mg April 13th

Lorazapam 1-2mg daily April 14th to date

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  • Altostrata changed the title to jordanmcr Please help. Scared.
  • Administrator

Welcome, jordanmcr.

 

If you were taking diazepam every day for 3 weeks in December, it is possible you became physiologically dependent on it and, after quitting, developed withdrawal symptoms. How did you go off it?  In what ways have your symptoms gotten worse since you went off diazepam?

 

6 hours ago, jordanmcr said:

In the hospital last week they took me off Mirtazapine 15mg to.0mg overnight so pretty much CT and they were giving me lorazapam For 5 days at 1mg a day. The hospital didn't really help and I've been discharged. Since leaving I have had the worst nausea start with anxiety as soon as I wake up.

 

This sounds like withdrawal from the mirtazapine. You might try 1mg and see if it helps. This topic explains how to take a small dose Tips for tapering off Remeron (mirtazapine)

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

 

To help us out, see these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi,

Around a week after stopping valium I noticed severe nausea and general feelings of being unwell. Stomach issues and anxiety and Depersonalisation got progressively much worse. Things just kept getting worse until i thought it had to be the Mirtazapine. Sleep issues(looping voices/random chatter when closing eyes) .morning anxiety and depression. Severe memory issues relating to depersonalisation (loss of sense of self, feeling like disconnected from realty, distorted perception of time) symptoms I'm still suffering from now. 

 

I didn't really taper it but i took 5mg for a few days, then 2.5mg, 2mg, 1mg and stopped. But i did that in a very short space of time. 

 

How do you think taking 1mg of Mirtazapine would help? I've also been taking 1-2mg of Lorazapam for the last 7 days. 

 

Thank you. 

 

Mirtazapine 30mg Nov 17

Citalopram 10mg Nov17 (only one dose)

Mirtazapine 15mg (reinstated) Dec 17

Valium 5-10mg daily Dec17-Jan18 (3wks

Mirtazapine >22.5mg Feb 18

Mirtazapine 22.5 > 18mg March 18

Mirtazapine 15mg>0mg CT April 6th 18

Lorazapam 1mg PRN April 6th-11th

Agomelatine/Valdoxan 25mg April 13th

Lorazapam 1-2mg daily April 14th to date

Link to comment
  • Administrator

You could have withdrawal symptoms from both the diazepam and mirtazapine.

 

It's not surprising that lorazepam deadens withdrawal symptoms, that's what it's supposed to do (until it goes south).

 

There are too many moving parts. Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. Your symptom pattern may indicate where your symptoms are coming from.

 

Please go to our benzo forum to discuss your benzo dosing and possible withdrawal symptoms.

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • Shep changed the title to jordanmcr jordanmcr Please help. Scared.

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