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Rosetta

Thinking of you. I’m sorry about your sister in law.  I’m sure that having such a caring soul around will help both her and your wife.  They are lucky to have you.  Have a safe trip.

 

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Link to BrassMonkey's Intro topic     Brassmonkey- A Success Story     To some people six and a half years is a very long time to take to accomplish a goal.  For me it’s

I posted this else where on the forum and thought I should repost it here.   Trusting that your body knows what needs to be done to heal and will do it naturally is one of the hardest parts

When I was studying screen writing back in film school we were taught the concept that "there is the movie you imagine, the movie you write and the movie that is produced. It is the same for life. The

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Cocopuffz17

Sorry to hear Brass. All the best to you in this difficult time. 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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So sorry to read this.

 

Sending thoughts, prayers and ((((((HUGS))))) to you, your wife and family.

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal and Prilosec from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, 

 Xanax 1mg three times a day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) three times a day to .003 grams three times a day.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

 

 

I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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brassmonkey

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and (((HUGS))), they are quite comforting.  

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Gridley
Posted (edited)

My heart and prayers are with you, your wife and sister-in-law.  I can't think of another person who could bring more solace into this situation. 

Edited by Gridley

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg 

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Oct 13: 8.1 mg 

Taper is 56.8% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg and holding.  

Taper is 80% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Longroadhome

It’s lovely that Monica has such strong support by her side.  

 

October 2004 Paxil 20mg - October 2018, 14 years

Nov 2018 Pregabalin - 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD

August 2019 Pregabalin - 2 x 25mg a day 

April 2020 Pregabalin - 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg 

June 2021   Pregabalin - 14mg,

October 2018 Paxil - 20 mg, November 15mg, December 10mg  

February 2019 Paxil- 7.5mg crashed, February 8.5mg, Nov 8mg 

March 2020 Paxil - 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, December 4.5mg 

January 2021 Paxil - 4mg, February 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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brassmonkey

Today marks the 4th anniversary of my making the jump to "0". It was a major accomplishment requiring a five and a half year taper. It has been a very eventful, exciting and at times stressful four years. I wouldn't have missed them for the world.

 

After congratulations, the first thing everyone is going to ask is "are you fully recovered?". 

 

To which I will have to answer, "I haven't got a clue", but I'm functioning well in society, generally feel well, am in good health according to my doctor, and all in all enjoying life. But I do forget things, have body aches and pains, have trouble finding my words in conversation, get tired easily nd the like. I honestly can't remember what I felt like physically and mentally all those years ago before I started taking the paxil. I do know I was in a condition that turning to psych drugs was a viable alternative. I'm very glad I did and really wish I hadn't.

 

Today marks 28 1/2 years since that all began. Having spent almost a third of my life involved with ADs it only make sense to say that they have had an affect on my life and body. In the beginning they seemed to be quite helpful.  That was followed by a period of helping me get through some really tough times by making me feel very little and then it all went south.  Regaining control of my life took a huge effort and a lot of pain both physically and mentally. At each step of the journey it came down to my doing what had to be done to get through. Even if they are no longer directly making changes to my body what they have changed in the past has directly placed me where I am today.

 

Last week I turned 68. I still think of myself as in my mid forties, but my body is letting me know otherwise. Are the things I'm experiencing the result of getting older or of the ware and tear of the drugs?  There really is no way of telling, and frankly I don't care. My current existence is the sum total of everything I have experienced in my life and when it comes down to it we have very little control over what has happened. We make choices based on the information available at the time and then work our way through the consequences. When one event is over, it becomes part of the past and is no longer directly related to the present or future, but is relegated to the storehouse of experiences that we draw from to make our decisions.

 

Moving on from the past is a very important part of personal growth and recovery from any trauma. At some point it is necessary to say "it's over and done with, time to move on".

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Congrats Brass! 4 years drug-free is a huge milestone, WOW! ☺️ And happy belly button birthday too 😉 It's been clear to me in my recovery that there really is no going back to where I was . . . I can only move forward to a place I've not yet been. And if in that place I can find some peace, connection, purpose, and wholeness -- then perhaps I'm living well. Recovery is a journey, not a destination.

 

Best wishes on each new step forward you take 🙏❤️

 

 

My suggestions are not medical advice. They are my opinions based on my own experience, strength and hope.

You are in charge of your own medical / healing / recovery choices.

My success story |  My introduction thread

 

ZOLOFT FREE - COMPLETELY DRUG FREE 4/28/2019! - total time on 28+ years

BENZO FREE! 4/7/2018 - total time on 27+ years

REMERON FREE! 12/11/2016 - total time on 15 months

Caffeine & Nicotine Free 2014 / 2015 - smoked for 28 years

Alcohol Free 4/1/2014 - drank for 30 years

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Cocopuffz17

Congrats on 4 years post zero! 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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@brassmonkey

 

Congratulations on your four year anniversary!

 

And a very happy birthday to you as well😊

 

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal and Prilosec from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, 

 Xanax 1mg three times a day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) three times a day to .003 grams three times a day.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

 

 

I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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getofflex

Brassmonkey you are an inspiration to me, and to many of us here.  You give me a lot of hope.  Thank you for all your contributions to this forum.  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

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Moonpie

Congratulations brassmonkey!  A true accomplishment you worked hard for.  Thank you for all the support and help you have given me since I have come to SA. 

I am 67 and I appreciate your sharing.  Especially, "We make choices based on the information available at the time and then work our way through the consequences. When one event is over, it becomes part of the past and is no longer directly related to the present or future, but is relegated to the storehouse of experiences that we draw from to make our decisions.

Moving on from the past is a very important part of personal growth and recovery from any trauma. At some point it is necessary to say "it's over and done with, time to move on".

Such wise advice and some I was badly needing!   

 

.025 Xanax 3 x daily  Start date 10-13-2013 through 8-13-2014.  Started tapering 6-2014 to 8-2014.  Some small discomfort. 25 mg Zoloft - Start date 5-1-2014.  50mg. 6-2014.  through 7-14-2014 .  Started tapering  7-14-2014, stopped tapering 10-2014.  I did 1/4 of the dose a month.  small discomfort.  These next 3 were prescribed when I made some seriously bad choices with my thyroid medication.  Was in ER twice for possible heart attack.  INTENSE anxiety, panic, fear.   Lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.  Thyroid levels bounced to extremes for 8 months. Dr. prescribed Zoloft 50mg  9-2105.  After 2 doses had a bad reaction passed out in my bedroom. Also prescribed Xanax .025  at the same time. 3 times daily, 4 if needed.  Was only on it about 2 weeks.  Was not working.  Trip ER they gave me an Ativan IV and it worked and lasted.  switched to Ativan. 9-24-2016. 1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/24/16.  Attempted taper start 12-16-2016. Was shaving Pills and alternating tapering AM, PM and midday dose weekly.  Buspar .5mg  -2.5mg. am and 2. 5mg. pm start date 9-26-2016 .  Lexapro .10mg  start date  - 10-26-2016. Found SA and began 10/14/2017 tapering .001 gm every 4 days Held longer if there were was WD.    Was very sensitive to Ativan. 3-15-2018 Off midday dose - 7-16-2018 Off PM dose - OFF ATIVAN! 11-17-2018 10 mg. Lexapro. PM - 5 mg start date 10/11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/2/17. 1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 gm every 4 days.  Held longer if there was WD.  Last doses some I held a month.  OFF LEXAPRO! 2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, PM does.  Reinstated PM dose 9-22 N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  12-22-17 reduced  from  75 mg. to 67.5 daily,  dose now 60 mg a day. Bioidentical hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream, 1/4 tsp.  1 time daily

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

 

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Rosetta

Ha! Ha! Well, more or less 4 years since my “jump to zero,” too — off a cliff.  So glad you were here for me.  


Congrats on a nice anniversary, Brassmonkey.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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mdwstrx

Happy anniversary and congratulations! 

md

🌞

2002 Escitalopram 10 mg

2018 2.5 mg - stopped by Dr./Reinstated, up-dosed to 7.5 mg

04/19 Began BM slide

CURRENT 1.05 mg 🌼

 

"If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

Mark 9:23

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Finally caught up on your story.  I still have some poking around to do, but it is so heart warming to read how well you are at this point, so many years after your final dose. 
 

I am sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. I hope her experience is pain free and smooth. I send warm wishes to you, your wife, and her family.

1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg to treat an eating disorder. Several unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.Fall 2012: Failed attempt to discontinue then -> 40mg Prozac and added 150mg Wellbutrin. Late summer 2013:Began slower Prozac taper.Spring 2014:Got to 10mg Prozac, 75mg of Wellbutrin -April 2014: 9mg Prozac & 37.5mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 9mg Prozac & 25 mg Wellbutrin 2x/day->9mg Prozac 1x/day & ~8mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 8.1mg Prozac, 0 WellbutrinSept '14: 8.1mg Prozac -> crashed hardOct '14: 10mg ProzacNov '14: 20mg -> 30mgDec '14: 30mg, Feb 10: 27mg. Mar 7: 25mg Mar 21, 2015: 20mg. May 21, 2016: 20mg and holding strong. Taper restarted April 2021 to 18mg, July 2021 to 16mg, currently 15mg. 

 

My experience: http://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/

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((((Hugs))))

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, taper to 0.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.8 mg (15 Sept 2021)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 2021)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

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brassmonkey

Here are some thoughts on sleep problems that I posted on another thread and thought I should post them here also:

 

Normal bodily cycles are fine for people with normal bodies. People experiencing ADWD are not in this category. Our bodies and all the systems/cycles in them have been chemically altered and are trying to return to center (normal). Until that happens all of our cycles will have a mind of their own.

 

Insomnia or sleep problems are one of the biggest concerns we get here. Lack of sleep and erratic sleep patterns cause members an undue amount of stress, which in turn causes more sleeplessness. During ADWD sleep becomes a catch as catch can proposition. The simple act of going to bed when tired can cause a person not to sleep. There are times, when struggling with sleep, that it is best to just lean back close your eyes and let it happen where ever your are. My recliner was the best friend I had. While working on the PC or watching television, if the urge hit I would just lay back and go for it. It didn't matter the time of day or what was going on because sleep was more important. When things settled then going to bed was no problem.

 

The idea of getting a solid 8 hours of sleep, "early to bed, early to rise" and the associated sleep problems it creates can be traced back to the late 1700's. The start of the "Industrial Revolution" is pinned to 1774. Life started to move from the natural cycles of farm life to the forced cycles of factory life. People were now forced to fit schedule and not do what was natural.

 

Research has shown that the natural sleep cycle is actually 4, 3, 4, 13. With the 13 sometimes being broken up with naps. The first 4 hours are triggered by the setting sun causing the body to release melatonin. A few hours later a person wakes up to check on the animals, make sure the "camp" is secure/safe, do some light house work, eat a snack and head back to sleep. Waking up again around dawn when the day begins.

 

However, for the safety of the "tribe" not all members kept this schedule. Some naturally would be awake during the dark hours to keep watch. They would then take their turn sleeping during the day. It is a quite natural pattern, but one that does not fit in the "industrial schedule". Many people who have this sleep pattern struggle with it daily as they try to fit in to society.

 

My wife and myself are two of these people. My natural pattern is 1:30am to 10am and hers is 5am to 1pm. It caused a great many problems when we were working jobs that started at 5 or 6am. Now that we are retired and can follow our natural patterns life is so much better.

 

It is much better for a person to find their natural cycle, what ever it is, than to try and force themselves into the artificial cycle imposed on us by society. It is hard to do and maintain employment, but there are often options. If a person is "at leisure" (unemployed) during ADWD it is to their advantage to learn and work with their natural sleep cycle than to try and force things into what we are told to be the norm.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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@brassmonkey 

I had full sleep in taper than post taper.

Full sleep means If I go to bed I will wake in the next morning.

But in Post taper If I go to bed I will awake at midnight then I get some sleep then awake. I hate this pattern.

Some nights I'm anxious to go to bed.

Note. But one thing Whatever I sleep I get Sleep deprivation in the next morning.

(6 Aug 2019 start taper 4.8mg, 5 Sep - 4mg,

16 oct 19- 3mg, 28 nov 19 - 2mg, 11 may 20 -1mg

1 oct 20- 0.5mg, 24 dec 20 - 0.25mg,

5 jan 21- 0.2375, 9 jan 21 - 0.225, 13 jan 21 - 0.2125,

17 jan 21-  0.2, 21 jan 21 - 0.1875, 25 jan 21 - 0.175,

29 jan 21 - 0.1625, 2 feb 21 - 0.15, 6 feb 21 - 0.1375,

10 feb 21 - 0.125, 14 feb 21 - 0.1125, 18 feb 21 - 0.1, 

22 feb  - 0.0875, 26 feb - 0.075 , 2 mar - 0.0625, 

9 mar - 0.05625, 13 mar- .05, 17 mar - 0.04375,

 22 mar- 0.0375, 27 mar- .03125, 31 mar- 0.025

At 9 Apr - 0.0125 From 10 Apr - 0.0000 )

End game Taper from  0.5mg to 0.125mg

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  • 4 weeks later...
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brassmonkey

On another thread a member asked how much I have recovered since I jumped to "0". I though it would be a good to repost my answer here.

 

That is really a tough question to answer. I was drugged for a total of 23 years and went through a lot of major life experiences in that time. It is quite difficult to remember small details of how I felt before hand. In general I'm doing quite fine. I am very active but tire easily. My concentration isn't what I think it should be, but all my life I've carried my "paper brain" so I could remember things. I've always had trouble finding my words in conversation, so no change there. I'm able to feel a full range of emotions, but often don't really care. Life can be quite difficult, but the more you see of it the less it bothers you.

 

For the most part I'm in a much better place mentally than I was before hand. But I will chalk that up to many years of maturing, studying spirituality and learning about/experiencing life. It's been 28 years since I first took Paxil. In that time I've been through a lot. Two careers, making, losing and remaking a lot of money, making and losing a lot of friends. Traveling the world and being confined to my house. Even without the experience of taking and withdrawing from Paxil there is no way that I could possibly be the same person I was when this all started.

 

Physically I'm the same way. I couldn't possibly attempt to do the things I use to do. I no longer have the strength and flexibility and would injure myself quite badly if I tried. I not happy about the condition I'm in, but I still run circles around friends 15 years younger than myself and do almost anything I set out to do.

 

So there really is no way to say "I'm 95% recovered". I do know that things are still improving since I jumped to "0" several years ago, and probably will for a while. But I'm getting older and that has it's adverse effects. It comes down to "I'm where I should be, given all the things I done and been through". With that I am content, and contentment is the key to life.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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getofflex

What a wonderful post @brassmonkey.  It sounds like you have strong acceptance of life on life's terms.  I can relate to what you said about how you can no longer do the things you used to do, but a lot of that is due to age.  I'm the same way.  Perhaps we don't have 100% recovery from the drug and WD, but the difficulty of going through WD gives us deeper things we could not otherwise have gained, like inner strength, wisdom, patience, compassion.  It's a tradeoff, but a good one. 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

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brassmonkey

When I was studying screen writing back in film school we were taught the concept that "there is the movie you imagine, the movie you write and the movie that is produced. It is the same for life. There is the life you imagine, the life you strive for and the life you actually live. The expectations created by the first two greatly color your acceptance of the actual event. Disappointment and frustration are the products of unfulfilled expectations.

 

We all want to be "in control" of our lives but there are just too many factors that "just aren't up to us".  Striving for what we want is a good/necessary thing, but we have to balance it with acceptance of what we actually experience. Life is about determining what is truly important to us and doing what ever is necessary to achieve and maintain it.

 

Going through ADWD is a trial by fire that will show us what is truly important. In it's way it removes things down to the very basics and lets us rebuild from the ground up with the understanding of what is actually important in our lives. We can lose many friends in the process, but because we lost them it proves that they were not that important. The ones that stuck around are the ones to cherish. The same with family members, jobs, housing, pretty much any aspect of our lives. If it made it through it is a keeper. If not, it didn't matter.

 

The process also shows us our true beliefs, values and emotions. Because each one will be rocked to it's very core. It is a very painful process to get through, but we have been left with no choice. If our lives are to continue we have to do what ever is necessary to to make it happen. We imagine our recovery/new life, we do what is necessary to make it happen and cherish the second chance we have been given.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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@brassmonkeythank you for these valuable insights. 

90 mg armour thyroid

15 mcg liothyronine

B12 ez melts, active B complex, vitamin D3, Vitamin C, Fluconazole, Nystatin, SloFe, Magnesium.

Nearly 30 years of benzos, antidepressants, antipsychotics etc...took a lot of them. 

Better to feel and enjoy life again even the ups and downs. 

Drug free September 9, 2019

 

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gentlehermione

@brassmonkey some very profound words of wisdom - thank you 🥰

Effexor XR 75mg 1997-2012 

Effexor XR 37.5mg 2012-2017 (tapered off over six months - finished taper July 2017)

SCA Aug 12th, 2017

Cymbalta 30mg Aug 2017 - Nov 2017 (CT Nov. 17th for medical reasons)

Metoprolol 50mg Aug 2017 - Feb 2019 tapered down to 25mg June 2019 then tapered down to zero. Off Metoprolol as of Jan 2020        

Amiodarone (anti-arrhythmic med) 200mg Nov 2017- May 2018

 

Supplements: Omega 3, vitamin D3, magnesium

What helps me: Manual lymphatic drainage massage, acupressure, meditation, homeopathy (my psychiatrist is also a certified homeopath), a healthy diet when possible organic, yoga, walking my dogs every day and gardening.

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brassmonkey

I posted this else where on the forum and thought I should repost it here.

 

Trusting that your body knows what needs to be done to heal and will do it naturally is one of the hardest parts of doing this. The amount of trust that we have to have is amazing and the ability to accept what happens and move through it, even if it isn't what we had planned, is equally so. We have all been taught to think things  through and do what we think is best, but sometimes our logic gets the best of us. We can think too much and see too many sides of the coin.

 

To me ADWD is proof that nature is in control despite what we think. In most cases we have to get out of the way and let it happen. We may want a specific outcome by next weekend, but the choice isn't ours. If our body wants to heal in that direction by them it may happen, but usually it needs to do something else, which it knows is more important for the healing process. It doesn't really care what our weekend plans are, but rather knows what it needs to do to heal.

 

Giving up that control is very hard because we think about the problem too much.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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@brassmonkeythis is profound wisdom.  I will share the link to this to some of our newer members who are still trying to fix their WD with drugs.  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

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@brassmonkey agreed great wisdom!

this is especially worse being the provider for your family and being In adwd. We run around try to control what will happen this coming  weekend per say. The need for control and expectation being a provider with responsibilities makes withdrawal worse and withdrawal makes anxiety worse (need for control). It’s like they feed each other. Practice Practice!

09/2000 paxil 20mgs, 06/2006 stopped Paxil crashed, 10/2006 progressed back up to Paxil 20mgs, 

2012 -2013 Paxil 12 month taper crashed, 

09/2013 Zoloft 50 - 100, 

2015-2016 Zoloft taper crash, 

2016 cymbalta, 

01/2017   lamictal , 

05/2017 Prozac 20 mgs, 06/2017 Prozac 40mgs, 02/2018 Prozac 20 mgs, 05/2018 Prozac 30 mgs, 

11/2018 lexapro 10 mgs, 01/2019 lexapro 15 mgs, 12/07/2019 lexapro 13.75 mgs ,01/04/2020 lexapro 12.5 mgs, 02/08/2020 lexapro 11.25 mgs, 03/07/2020 lexapro 10 mgs, 07/25/2020 7.5mg pill&2.5ml liquid, 08/04/2020 5mg pill&5ml liquid, 08/17/2020 2.5mg pill 7.5 ml liquid, 08/24/2020 10 ml liquid lexapro, 09/05/2020 9 ml liquid lexapro, 10/05/2020 8.5 ml liquid lexapro,10/12/2020 9 ml, 04/17/2021 8.78 ml, 04/24/2021 8.56 ml, 05/02/2021 8.34 ml, 05/09/2021 8.10ml, 05/29/2021 8 ml, 06/15/2021 7.80 ml, 06/21/2021 7.60ml, 06/27/2021 7.40 ml, 07/03/2021 7.20 ml, 07/24/2021 7 ml, 10/02/2021 6.90 ml, 10/09/2021 6.80, 10/16/2021 6.70, 

2000 to present Celebrex 200 - 400 mg daily as needed

2015 to sept 2021 Prilosec 20-40 mg daily as needed

Present pravastatin 10 mg, Pepcid 20 mg, zinc L carnosine 

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brassmonkey

Monica and I will be going back on the road starting in November.  As usual we will be experiencing limited internet access during our travels. Between now and leaving we have a number of large projects to tie up and a lot of preparations to make, so I will be greatly reducing my time spent here for the foreseeable future.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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