mariella Posted April 18, 2018 Share Posted April 18, 2018 really struggling with finding meaning to my days. I'm still on 2.5mg cipramil. It's been 9 weeks that i've been on this dose. i try to keep occupied but i have a dark cloud hanging over me. Can't see ahead, it terrifies me. gotten further into my comfort zone. Feel the need to do more, but i just can't seem to. And if I don't do more i get terrified. I don't know if these are my symptons of withdrawing or if its just my complex post traumatic stress. i do also feel its side effects of the cipramil. Not having my mind clear terrifies the hell out of me. REALLY NEED TO FIND MEANING!!!! 1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax 1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac June 2000 Cipramil October 2000 Prozac again 2001 Sinequan with Risperdal 2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane 2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox. March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro December 20th 20mg Cipramil 2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg Link to comment
potions Posted May 9, 2018 Share Posted May 9, 2018 I feel every single thing you’re saying. It’s been 20 months since I basically cold turkeyed Zoloft and I am still in hell; it’s so tough to carry on. The meaning for me? I feel much stronger than everyone around me. Nobody around me has dealt with the horrendous mental, emotional, and physical anguish of withdrawal. Almost nobody around me has had their ability to feel pleasure sucked out of them by a drug. I can bet that nobody around me has ever dealt with the torture that I’ve gone through in windows and waves for over 20 months now (I never came close to that level of torture before I started Zoloft). So when I come out of this, I’ll feel much stronger, much more resilient, and even superior to other people. I won’t be afraid anymore, because I’ve dealt with the worst thing I could possibly imagine. Not even my mother dying pre-SSRI would give me the torturous despair I’ve had to endure for 20 months after coming off Zoloft. I’ve never felt more alone, left to rot, and misunderstood in my life. This has been the worst experience of my life, and I don’t think anything could surpass this torture. One of the only good things I can think of that has come out of this experience is that I’ve thought about suicide so much during withdrawal that I’ve almost desensitized myself to it, which will come in handy if I ever need to do that in the future. But after getting through withdrawal, we’ll both be much stronger emotionally. We’ll also be more appreciative of good days and feeling good. The windows and waves process will have made us more in touch with our emotions which will help us recognize how our moods are affecting our behaviors so we can stop ourselves hurting people we love. We will cherish every moment of joy, pleasure, and comfort we have in the future after going through the hell of severe withdrawal anxiety, anhedonia, and depression. Life will be easier and better if we get out of this. That’s what I tell myself. You can get through this, and when you do, you will come out stronger, happier, and more resilient on the other side. Zoloft 50 mg from April 23, 2015 to August 28th, 2016 (1 year, 4 months). 4 week taper. Last dose on August 28, 2016 Mianserin 30 mg in an attempt to reverse PSSD from September 6th, 2017–around mid November 2017 after a few week taper. Did not fix PSSD Currently taking: Melatonin and magnesium every night. Link to comment
mariella Posted May 9, 2018 Author Share Posted May 9, 2018 Oh my goodness potions, I feel for you. I'm so happy you are seeing it through. These experiences make us much more resilient. You are a brave human being, and I like your determination! These are the type of stories that inspire people, including me. Hope you have all the success in the world. Take gentle care of yourself and sending you hugs if that's ok🌷🌷🌷 1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax 1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac June 2000 Cipramil October 2000 Prozac again 2001 Sinequan with Risperdal 2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane 2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox. March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro December 20th 20mg Cipramil 2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg Link to comment
potions Posted May 10, 2018 Share Posted May 10, 2018 Thank you mariella ❤️❤️ Zoloft 50 mg from April 23, 2015 to August 28th, 2016 (1 year, 4 months). 4 week taper. Last dose on August 28, 2016 Mianserin 30 mg in an attempt to reverse PSSD from September 6th, 2017–around mid November 2017 after a few week taper. Did not fix PSSD Currently taking: Melatonin and magnesium every night. Link to comment
Audrey88 Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 I know just how your feeling as well, it has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The one thing that has really helped me out is knowing how much love an support I want to give back to others who are suffering as well. I have made a list of some things that have helped me feel better . One great thing is guided Meditation, eating extremely healthy meals, I'm talking blended green drinks with all vegetables to get the great nutrients, a great calming Magnesium product is called Natural Calm by Natural vitality, its a powder that you drink. I would definitely avoid sugar, caffine and alcohol. I hope this helps you, I promise it will get better day by day. Stay Strong . Link to comment
mariella Posted May 11, 2018 Author Share Posted May 11, 2018 Thank you Audrey88, I appreciate your advice and reassurance. 🌷🌷🌷. It's just a dark and lonely place to be in. 😖😖 1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax 1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac June 2000 Cipramil October 2000 Prozac again 2001 Sinequan with Risperdal 2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane 2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox. March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro December 20th 20mg Cipramil 2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg Link to comment
NobodySpecial Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 Hey @mariella, Here's what my teacher has to say on finding meaning in our suffering - If you'd like, we could talk more about how to find meaning? Taper commencing 14/06/18: Going down by 2.5mg per month from 35mg - once 2.5mg is bigger than the recommended 10%, I'll switch to a water solution. Planning to taper until October and then hold until 2019 - balancing study, work, life and holiday season. Medication / withdrawal history: Tapered July 2016 to October 2016, unsuccessful and reinstated to 30mg (didn't track specifics) Tapered March 2017 to August 2017, was unsuccessful and reinstated to 35mg (didn't track specifics). Current taper - started 1st January 2018 @ 32.5mg and 2.5mg per month until I reach a dose where 2.5 is > 10% of dose. Morning supplements: B complex, Niagen, COQ10, Black seed oil, Vitamin C, Zinc, Fish Oil, EGCG, Bosweilla Extract, Curcumin (Longvida), Vitamin D, R-ALA, NAC, Ashwagandha (occasionally), Epimedium / Icariin, Resveratol. Evening supplements: NatureCalm Magnesium, Glycine, Ashwagandha, Reishi, Schisandra, Melatonin. I also take Phenibut (maximum 3 times weekly at a dose that doesn't build tolerance) and Oleamide when required. Link to comment
mariella Posted May 18, 2018 Author Share Posted May 18, 2018 Hi nobodyspecial, Firstly I struggled typing your name you chose for yourself. You are definitely NOT nobody special. I watched the video and I am working on doing exactly what he was talking about. That is all part of healing, no matter what background. And I want to thank you for sharing and replying to my cry out for support. Sending you hugs if that's ok💚 1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax 1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac June 2000 Cipramil October 2000 Prozac again 2001 Sinequan with Risperdal 2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane 2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox. March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro December 20th 20mg Cipramil 2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg Link to comment
NobodySpecial Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Hey Mariella, My name is actually a commitment to my practice as a Buddhist - I am always in training to be nobody special. When I think I'm a great, really compassionate guy, I remind myself that I'm nobody special and continue my work in the world. All the same, I appreciate your sentiment and send hugs your way also I am here for you - in any capacity you need, even if that's via Skype or telephone (as I see you're in Australia also). Michael's video is great, and it's definitely a life's work to hold our own suffering with tenderness and use those wounds to serve others. Michael actually suffered from bipolar and I think it was the way in which he was connected to, and held his pain, that he was able to do so much for others Taper commencing 14/06/18: Going down by 2.5mg per month from 35mg - once 2.5mg is bigger than the recommended 10%, I'll switch to a water solution. Planning to taper until October and then hold until 2019 - balancing study, work, life and holiday season. Medication / withdrawal history: Tapered July 2016 to October 2016, unsuccessful and reinstated to 30mg (didn't track specifics) Tapered March 2017 to August 2017, was unsuccessful and reinstated to 35mg (didn't track specifics). Current taper - started 1st January 2018 @ 32.5mg and 2.5mg per month until I reach a dose where 2.5 is > 10% of dose. Morning supplements: B complex, Niagen, COQ10, Black seed oil, Vitamin C, Zinc, Fish Oil, EGCG, Bosweilla Extract, Curcumin (Longvida), Vitamin D, R-ALA, NAC, Ashwagandha (occasionally), Epimedium / Icariin, Resveratol. Evening supplements: NatureCalm Magnesium, Glycine, Ashwagandha, Reishi, Schisandra, Melatonin. I also take Phenibut (maximum 3 times weekly at a dose that doesn't build tolerance) and Oleamide when required. Link to comment
Justcope Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 On 5/16/2018 at 1:17 PM, NobodySpecial said: Hey @mariella, Here's what my teacher has to say on finding meaning in our suffering - If you'd like, we could talk more about how to find meaning? Great video. Thanks for sharing. Lots to think about after watching this... Hi! I’m JustCope. Currently tapering off 20mg lexapro. I’m about 10 weeks in and at 5mg- kinda fast I realise- stupidly listened to a GP who spoke to me for 5 mins about stopping lexapro. 🤕 Link to comment
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