Audrey88: Feeling really sad thoughts

[Audrey88]

Hi everyone , I am new to this site. I recently stopped my Zoloft medication two months ago and I noticed I have a lot of really sad depressed thoughts about reality , death and what the purpose of life is, is it all worth it in the end. I just wanted to know if this is common or am I just a depressed type of person. Will it get better ? Are there any suggestions? Thank you for your help.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Audrey.

 

Withdrawal can cause one to have dark thoughts and emotions. Did you have any other symptoms when you went off Zoloft? How did you go off?

 

Do you have any other symptoms now? How are you sleeping?

 

To help us out, see these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

[Audrey88]

Thank you for your response back so fast. I'm just wondering if these thoughts are normal because I have been off the meds completely for two months now. I'm wondering if I am just a depressed person. I had a lot of other bad symptoms since stopping such as anxiety. I was tapering for 8 months before I stopped completely. I'm doing good beside the sad feelings I have been having. Did you go through the same thing, can you tell me about your experiences ?Thank you again for your support.

[Audrey88]

Tips for withdrawal

 

1. Go very very very slow , cut down 1/4 every 2-3 months not weeks.
2. Don’t do this if you have any huge stress going on in your life for example a job change or new relationship.
3. Let your family and friends know what you are going to do so they can support you along the way.
4. Also let them know because your moods can change from one minute to the next, so they know it’s not their fault if you start crying or snapping at them.
5. Either stop or greatly reduce your alcohol, caffeine and sugar consumption. Trust me these will only make your anxiety worse especially alcohol the hangovers can last for a week, I know from experience.
6. Read other people’s success stories for inspiration and self help books like “Your drug could be your problem “.
7. Don’t depend on your doctor to get you off, they want to keep you on it forever for their profit. Most of them are not even trained to help patients withdrawal.
8. Change your diet drastically, you are going to want to eat a ton more fruits and vegetables for your brain to repair the damage. Junk food will just slow down any progress.
9. Look into natural supplements. I recommend Magnesium like the “Calm powder” works amazing, omega fish oil, high quality multivitamin, B vitamins, probiotics,5HTP to increase your serotonin levels again and Rhodiola is great . Also bone broth to fix your gut that the poison destroyed. I would also recommend CBD oil.
10. Here are some symptoms I experienced frequently: anxiety, depression, headache, brain zaps, tired hungover feeling, loss of sleep, extremely agitated by anything, manic sometimes, felling like I was going crazy,loss of appetite, anger, suicidal feelings, crying all the time for no reason, fear, panic, obsessive racing thoughts, hopelessness, confusion over reality, etc...
11. these come and go like a roller coaster or in waves. It can feel very scary at times and seem like they are going to last forever but if you take care of yourself then it will be easier, one day you will wake up and feel a lot better but it takes time even years.
12. Some other things I highly recommend are meditating, exercise, and seeing a therapist because the whole reason you got on them in the first place didn’t go away it’s not cured, it will come back up with a vengeance unfortunately you can’t hide from it forever. It will need to be resolved as hard as it might be. You will probably feel your old depression feelings come back but much worse then before and you assume that you are broken and need to be on it forever but it’s not true it’s the drugs talking. I think anyone can be healed in more natural ways as listed above.

 

[SkyBlue]

On 5/3/2018 at 9:38 PM, Altostrata said:

Withdrawal can cause one to have dark thoughts and emotions. Did you have any other symptoms when you went off Zoloft? How did you go off?

 

Do you have any other symptoms now? How are you sleeping?

 

To help us out, see these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

 

Hi Audrey,

 

I would say it's too early to conclude that you're just a depressed person, as you are definitely in withdrawal from Zoloft (in other words, this isn't "just who you are.") However, developing self-care strategies is always a good idea. 

 

Everyone's story is different—in the symptoms and self-care section of the forum, you can read about what has helped other people. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

Most importantly, when you're able, please follow the instructions above about posting a drug history signature, and tell us a little more about what symptoms you're having now-- you mentioned dark thoughts, and anxiety. Is there any kind of pattern to the symptoms (better at night, etc.)? Thanks.

[Altostrata]

Hi, Audrey. Where are you in your taper?

 

To help us out, see these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

 

Not everybody can tolerate supplements such as multivitamins, B vitamins, probiotics, 5HTP , and Rhodiola. Please search for our topics on these in the Symptoms forum and add your experience.

[Audrey88]

On ‎5‎/‎7‎/‎2018 at 1:37 PM, SkyBlue said:

 

Hi Audrey,

 

I would say it's too early to conclude that you're just a depressed person, as you are definitely in withdrawal from Zoloft (in other words, this isn't "just who you are.") However, developing self-care strategies is always a good idea. 

 

Everyone's story is different—in the symptoms and self-care section of the forum, you can read about what has helped other people. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

Most importantly, when you're able, please follow the instructions above about posting a drug history signature, and tell us a little more about what symptoms you're having now-- you mentioned dark thoughts, and anxiety. Is there any kind of pattern to the symptoms (better at night, etc.)? Thanks.

Thank you I appreciate your help

[Gridley]

Audrey,

 

I would agree with SkyBlue.  Psychiatrists, who know little, if anything about withdrawal, generally mistake withdrawal for relapse or "return of the underlying condition."  These links are helpful:

 

This post and Is it withdrawal or relapse?

[Audrey88]

Hi, this might just be me, I'm about 3 months off my Zoloft 10mg medication and it is getting a lot better but for a while there I was having really weird feelings about reality and if what I was seeing was all made up in my mind. Like a movie only I could see. I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this and if its a normal thing.

[RenewedLife]

Hello! Welcome to SA! When you say weird feelings and that it’s made up in your mind, do you mean you feel like you’re disconnected from your body and watching everything from a distance? I’m not sure if that’s what you mean, but if it is i remember having the EXACT same reaction about 2 months off of Zoloft last June. I even remember trying to explain to people what I was feeling and literally no one I knew understood. It’s called depersonalization/derealization. I’m still not sure exactly as I think they’re two different things, but after researching it this is what I found. It’s a way that anxiety manifests itself. It’s awful. I’m still learning so much about anxiety/depression, but I’m sure someone who knows more will be around soon to help out! Hopefully it’s not consistent and you’re getting a break from it. How are you feeling otherwise?

[Meeto]

This is called derealization and very common during withdrawal.  Many also have existential thoughts similar to yours. 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Audrey

 

I've moved the new topic you created to your Intro topic.  Each member has 1 Intro topic where they can ask questions and journal their progress.

 

There are many existing topics on SA's site.  I like to use google and include survivingantidepressants.org in my search term.

 

Here is the topic:  derealization-or-depersonalization/

 

[Audrey88]

My relationship with antidepressants began around age 23. As far back as I can remember I have had problems with anxiety and obsessive worrying with some depression on and off. However, it was never so bad that I needed to seek out help from a doctor.  The breaking point was when I was involved in a very emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 3 years that resulted in a very emotionally painful abortion, that affected me greatly mentally.

I dealt with it in a very destructive way of abusing alcohol and drugs. But of course, that didn’t help anything in fact it just made things worse. I started having panic attacks and crazy obsessive worry’s and thoughts which scared me to death. I finally had to seek out help from a therapist which one of the best decisions I had ever made. She helped me work through my current situation and things from my past that were never dealt with and even helped me gain the strength to finally leave that horrible relationship. The one negative thing that came from therapy was that she kept pushing me to seek out a doctor to put me on antidepressants. I was very hesitant for a long time because I didn’t want to have to depend on a drug to help me with my problems in life.

During that time, I decided I wanted to go back to school to get my degree but soon realized my old fear of public speaking was still a big source of anxiety for me, that is when I decided that maybe antidepressants could help me cope with some of those issues. I found a local doctor who was helpful in some ways but after only about 10 minutes after meeting me agreed that I should be on phototrophic drugs without even asking me about my current lifestyle or eating habits etc. I left his office with a handful of Lexapro samples. I was still very fearful to begin the drugs and unfortunately, I didn’t do any research about any side effects or long-term dependence. The doctor wasn’t any help the only thing he told me is if you stop you will have very mild zapping feelings in your head.  After about a week on the drug I felt a great relief of anxiety symptoms in fact I felt happier than I had felt in years. Which could very well be the placebo effect. When I went back for a follow-up visit I told him how great I was feeling and that I wanted to continue. Unfortunately, back then Lexapro was very expensive to purchase so I had to start on Celexa instead. The euphoria feeling from the drugs quickly dwindled and instead of feeling this great relief and happiness I started to just feel numb and zombie like. I could barely get excited or sad over anything, but I continued to take it.   

A couple of years later I realized that I started to miss those happy feelings and wanted to get them back so without discussing it with my doctor I started to taper myself off Celexa. I soon noticed my mood going from zero to one hundred over the smallest things, I would cry at the drop of a hat and started to feel those old anxiety and depressive feelings creeping back in but even worse than before. One big mistake that I admit to is that I was still abusing alcohol at the same time which I now know was probably the worst thing I could have been doing at the time. Not till I took my last dose did the symptoms become a lot worse.  I only lasted about a month or so before I couldn’t take it anymore and reinstated the drug. At that time Lexapro was now an available in a generic form. So, I jumped at the opportunity to start it again, back to the drug zombie I was before. A couple of years later I found myself in a serious relationship and the talk of starting a family started to come up and even though I had heard that it was safe to take these drugs during pregnancy something just didn’t feel right about it and I started planning to stop the drug completely.

The first couple of tapers weren’t that bad. I would feel my moods would be like a roller coaster, one-minute fine and the next down in the dumps. But after a couple of weeks each taper would level out and I would feel normal again. Once I was getting near the end of cutting the pills I started to get the old nervous feelings again from the last time I tried to quit. Thoughts were racing through my head again weather or not I could handle this thing to the end. After about 8-9 months of tapering I realized that I couldn’t cut down the pills anymore without it crumbling to dust. So, one morning when I went to take my daily pill I just decided that today would be the day I wouldn’t take anything anymore. To be honest I was scared to death. I just didn’t know what kind of ride I was in for. I no longer had my safety blanket that I clung to all those years. Each day I felt on edge waiting for something terrible to happen. For a couple of weeks, I was just fine. But at about 3 weeks in I really started to feel something terrible creeping in. The old depressive feelings were starting to show their ugly faces, along with a lot of crying over just about anything.

One thing that definitely didn’t help is that I still would seek relief in alcohol when times got hard not knowing that it was just making everything a lot worse and setting me 10 steps back in the recovery process. Over the weeks I was feeling like I was unraveling more and more. Really terrified waiting for something awful to happen. Through this process it hit me that the thought of going back and working at a job I really disliked doing something that bored me to tears and not being able to stand the people I worked with anymore. I picked up the phone one morning and told them I can’t make it in for medical reasons. Luckily my supervisor knew exactly what I was going through coming off the drugs, she herself was taking them and had tried to quit several times but was unsuccessful. Eventually the allowed me to work from home.

 The stuff hit the fan one day after a night of heavy drinking I woke up with the worse anxiety and depression I had ever felt, I was even ready to check myself into a mental institution if necessary. I was a complete mess and even felt like there really was no way out of this mess I could barely eat anything and felt like I was losing my mind. It lasted about 3 weeks till I stabilized and after a trip to the ER which was a total waste of time. The ER doctor looked at me like I was a drug addict and was unsympathetic. After that day I decided I need to completely change my lifestyle. I quit drinking and traded my processed junk food diet for fruits and veggies. I started seeing two therapists to help sort out the old skeletons in my closet that I never dealt with from my past and started exercising on a regular basis. I researched everything about what natural supplements I could take and was surprised that there are many great alternatives to help manage anxiety and depression that doesn’t involve big pharma and with no side effects.

Even though I made all these great changes it still definitely wasn’t a walk in the park. I still had my days of crying uncontrollably, obsessive intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks, feeling hopeless, angry, irritable, sad. But I did notice each day I would feel a tiny bit better. The one thing that helped me the most get through this time was one awful day where I was about to just quit and just start taking the drugs again it hit me that through all of this struggling I had finally found my true calling in life and that was to one day help as many people as I can to also get through this hell and find the light at the end of the tunnel. I had to keep reminding myself of that every time I wanted to quit. I know I still have a long way to go but I do have way more hope and confidence that I can kick this thing for good and go on to live a wonderful life drug free.

 I have been using Lexapro for 8 years 10mg and recently switched to Zoloft 6 months ago. I have been tapering off the drug for 9 months and recently stopped completely 70 days ago. I started taking the meds for Anxiety problems I have had since a child and, I had just ended a very emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 3 years and a very painful abortion, that greatly affected me mentally. I now wanted to stop the meds because I hope to have a family soon and don't want to be on the meds in case they are dangerous. I don't care for the system where doctors will give you a dangerous pill after seeing a patient for only five minutes and not even asking them about other ways they are living healthy, like diet and exercise. Through all this hell, I have discovered that helping people with their journey is what is going to make me truly happy in life, I can’t wait to reach out and help everyone I can with things I have learned through all of this. Let them know there is hope.

[vicky1991]

so you have healed successfully now?

 

[Altostrata]

Hi, Audrey. How are you doing now?

[Audrey88]

Hi I am doing a lot better thank you for checking on me . I realized that exercising is a great way to boost your mood. That has helped me out a lot through this hard process of withdrawal. 

[Altostrata]

Hello, Audrey, how are you doing?