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JustwantmyShaneback: Supporting my partner on Enaflax XR 150mg (Effexor XR / venlafaxiine)

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JustwantmyShaneback
Posted (edited)

I have been supporting my partner of 7 years on Enaflax XR a generic brand to

( Effexor XR ) initially 2 years at 75mg increasing to 150mg in the last 2 years to date. Shane now realises the negative impact his medication has had on him. He is feeling so confused as he thinks feeling of no love towards me at times is real therefore he is questioning why is it that he hasn’t felt love and attraction for me in a very long time. Feels no attraction towards me however he does to other women. I have since discovered that senses and emotion are non existent towards what one is accustomed to however new feelings of elation excites until a repeat of vicious cycle haunts again. Hearing this from the man who professes his love for me, who protects me.... just ripped my soul apart for I have seen times when my Shane is passionate, full of love, missing me after a week away for work and yes in love. Then I am told, he has been pretending for a very long time to maintain peace then sometimes I don’t know. We had an argument over a trivial matter at Easter, this time little improvement other than a mutual agreement to remain committed yet separated as my handsome man would like to detoxify and wean off this demon on his own without my support. His goal is to find himself again as he would like to realise whether he still holds feelings for me? Whether he still loves me? Whether his is still in love with me?  

 

Despite having suffered chronic depression all his life as a result of childhood abuse, violence and recreational substance abuse in marijuana ( no longer except the occasional which I discourage based on circumstances) We had the most perfect loving relationship anyone could ask for. So expressive and full of love. I have to say that I do realise how hard Shane has tried to work things through fighting with his mind yet a times says the most hurtful things and insults imaginable. Our love and romance was concrete even at two and a half years into our relationship which we both acknowledge. Depression doomed! Unmanageable following a number of traumatic family events and financial disappointments, my partner wanted to end our relationship feeling a sense of let down to me in 2014 this was following a rough upheaval of unstable emotions throughout mid 2013 onwards. I hung in begging him to seek Dr for antidepressants as I didn’t experience any negative side effects from Zoloft over a 2 1/2 year period in 2002. Shane was desperate & went in alone, he was clearly desperate and cried at the clinic. He was initially prescribed Effexor XR SR 75mg which has been the cause of our challenges ever since. I am desperate. It has been an extremely challenging time since January 2014 therefore are now at our last tether. I care immensely and love this man as much as he did/ does for me, I have seen, felt & heard. I have also seen emptiness. He is just feeling so lost. Shane has requested to battle tapering, weaning and withdrawal symptoms on his own out of wanting to protect my son and I. He is aware about the likelihood of ugliness and unpleasantness therefore not wanting us around. It hurts to see him this way. I have a man with a heart of gold and a very powerful mind yet in pain. It has been a difficult two weeks as he wanted to walk four days ago, I managed to talk to a friend whom he looks up to and has finally realised his medication might be the cause therefore just wanting to test his feelings for me. Shane will be vacating our property in approximately 2 weeks allowing 6 months to find himself. Please share your experience as the User of AD & Support to user of AD. 

Thank you for listening xo

Edited by manymoretodays
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TeaBea

I'm so sorry you're here, but it's good that you are, given the circumstances.  One thing which is critical to impart to your partner is the need for SLOW withdrawal--don't listen to the doctor unless he/she also recognizes the difficulty in successfully getting off these things.  Another would be if he would read the SSRI "user" and spouses stories on the "Marriages" thread in this subforum (there's a link to them on the first page of that thread, posted by Konjo, I think).  It will help him to see just how many other folks have had the love for their significant others crushed while on SSRI meds.  

 

My husband was on Effexor 150 mg from 2006-2013.  It was a horrible time.  He couldn't care less about me while flirting like crazy with everyone else, even right in front of me.  He had no tact, and he was cold at home.  Alcohol became a HUGE problem (I've shared my story elsewhere here), which is ALL--every last freakin' bit of it--Effexor's fault.  I'd read how horrible withdrawal can be, and since he couldn't afford to mess up his brain (because of work), we started weaning him off VERY slowly.  When he was about halfway down, his feelings came back.  He could only THEN totally see how the med had screwed him up and turned him into someone else entirely.  He apologized for so much once he could see what he'd done, etc.  He knows now how fortunate he is that I didn't give up on him.  It's a terrible med for some people.....

 

Good luck to you.

TB

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JustwantmyShaneback

Good morning TeaBea, 

 

I don’t know what to say other than how appreciative I am for your response of support. Had I only discovered this website sooner. The number of support from members is actually far more informative and beneficial oppose to Dr’s not actually understanding the complete truth and knowing how Effexor impacts lives. I am filled with mixed emotions! Not only am I heartbroken. I despise Shane’s father responsible for the pain and trauma inflicted as a result throughout Shane’s life a negative impact on his wellbeing. I had a wonderful childhood experiencing many most could only ever dream of. Yes my parents argued, who doesn’t?

 

I feel so fortunate to have such a strong and healthy mind set despite seeing my parents divorced and myself divorced after 14 years of marriage due to substance abuse of Crystal Meth, infidelity and a compulsive liar on the ex husband’s part. As Shane quoted when we first met

“ There is always two sides to a story “ however he regrettably took that back prettty quickly acknowledging “ Not in your story “ as he got to understand my circumstances with confirmation from strangers about the type of unacceptable behaviour by the ex husband.  Again, childhood abandonment issues and you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves. 

 

Shane my love in the other hand is incomparable for he is the most respectful, loyal, honest, loving, expressive with abilities to share his feelings and thoughts in beautiful words by writing, Shane isn’t much of a talker, he has been telling me more since 2014. I feel this stems back to living in fear as a child a way of suppressing his feelings, hurt and pain because Shane was very talkative when we met. I know most people would comment “ Honeymoone period “ but he/we would often talk about our beautiful courtship even with our children and friends 2 1/2 years into our relationship. This all gradually fizzled thank’s to Effexor. I waited 6 years for Shane to find me and I will not be giving up on him. We were/ are very much in sync with deep feelings and passion which has peered through now and then even with Effexor. We just need to find him again. Find us again. I am terriblly worried as he is wanting to just lock himself away leading a unit on his own & going Cold Turkey. He is and has always been an independent man therefore see where his pride comes from. In sickness and in health. Though we are not married, we do treat one another do  occasionally address each other as our spouse. Our life is actually only just beginning together despite our relationship of 7 years. I have withheld codependent living for various reasons. We had dreams and plans even up to January 2018. We have truly hit rock bottom now in our challenge. I have drawn a line in the sand this time. As much as I love Shane and devestated, I am prepared to let him go if he should no longer feel our strength in love. It is very sad and yes I would be lying if I am to tell you I am not afraid. Just concerned as Shane has deep seeded issues which needs professional help in order to resolve or at least move on. As doctor said or it will be a vicious cycle yet again with another person. I am not one to force myself on a man. I don’t mean to sound arrogant or boastful but neither Shane or I would ever be short of interest therefore not fearful of being on our own but it is the special qualities and connection which we found in one another that we need to find again in order to have a chance to live our dreams. 

 

Shane has two beautiful children where a fall out took place in 2016. He is a wonderful father and teenagers can be so heartless and selfish. Shane’s children were his world. As hurt as he is, I am confident forgiveness with open arms for both father and children will be in time. We were a perfect blended family as I have two daughters age 18 & 21. My little man is 13. Shane has a son age 19 & daughter 18. Our 4 older children have not been at home with us for sometime however the children remain very very close. We have always said how very blessed we are.

 

From your experience, in all honesty do you really think 6 months would be sufficient to find oneself again? I am just so happy Shane is the one initiating this. I would much rather be by his side as your husband allowed you but feel that Shane has concerns as well. This goes to show me the strength he has over his mind. Mention of schizophrenia and psychosis tendencies prelevent in his family, his violent father. 

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SkyBlue

Hello and welcome to SA. You are in good company here, as many here have been through what you are experiencing.

 

A request: Are you able to check the font size you are using? It is coming across very large and looks a bit like shouting. 

 

I hope you find information and solidarity that will help you in this journey.

 

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JustwantmyShaneback

My apologies SkyBlue as it was unintentional. Thank you for bringing the size of my font to my attention. I don’t seem to be able to correct the size of font as I had copied and paste from IPad Notes. 

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Konjo

Dear JustwantmyShaneback - I'm very sorry that this happended to you guys. 

 

As Teabea mentioned above I collected some useful information to understand what is going on:

 

Stories od SSRI Users:

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V_y9LX-6WGaD4SfA4IZghBMEM3nqHdUluN2sAidGfzg/edit?usp=sharing

 

Stories of SSRI user's spouses:

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12F_yiwXqFdalDOs2JQR_y_uF-X8aAqcgqUJoUjrTIWY/edit?usp=sharing

 

Why they walked away:

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-1a0r0-PVvFy54vm_A1pF9fS8n0lRlxqygZCInRz4BE/edit?usp=sharing

 

Video from Helen Fisher speech:

 

 

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you Konjo and yes I discovered these post earlier which confirms my experience as normal to everyone else’s. Today Shane admittedly mentioned that one isn’t totally mind fogged to the extent of not knowing what one is doing such as have an affair etc.... he feels it is inexcusable an excuse just because being medicated. Then again Shane has a very powerful mind & is very strong willed.

 

Today, Day 3 of tapering... prolonging the time of subsequent dose... 30 hours, 32 hours, 36 hours... He seems very focused having workout a routine which he intends to space out over 6 months. xo

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JustwantmyShaneback

Dear Brass Monkey, 

 

I contacted a lovely stranger in the UK whom suggested that you would be the best person to ask about tapering. My partner commenced  Effexor 75mg in April 2014. Increasing to Enaflax 150mg in 2016, a generic brand more suited to him. Shane is now insisting on moving out, seperate attempting to taper with a goal to weaning on his own.

 

He isn’t under the care of any therapist and wishes to do this on his own for clarity of his mind and feelings towards our relationship. It is so painful to watch shut us down. Shane commenced gradually prolonging the duration of his next dose which started on 19/04/18 if that makes sense? 05/05/18 he took his medication 43hours after his last dose. The next dose of 150mg will be in 44hours. We are in Brisbane, Australia. Saturday 04/04/18 was his worst day. Feeling exhausted and really not in a good head space. Headache and withdrawn. Very foggy in the mind and said his mind is made up about moving out. It is very painful killing me to see him this way. 

 

 I have shown Shane and given him access to my username and password however unsure if he would ask for support. I am therefore trying to find out as much as possible of how I am able to help eventhough he isn’t wanting me to. I know that Shane sometimes takes on board what I share. I do love him so very much. I am prepared to stand by Shane to the end by supporting him. Upon successful weaning, if he should still feel that there is no chance of reconciliation to saving what we once shared a love and relationship so concrete like no other than as heart broken as I am now, at least I will walk away knowing that he is in a good head space with clarity to conquer ahead to move forward in life. I am deep down inside hoping to find us again as yesterday he did acknowledge that he does love me... he is just not in a good head space. I guess I have never really understood this phrase. 

 

I started thread in the introduction forum on April 16 however am a little uncertain how to go about this thread now. May I just add the exact same questions about safe tapering of Effexor 150mg? SA, Brass Monkey, members, spouses and administrators, you are all a god send. You have no idea how much I appreciate and value  your guidance. I understand the position you are in and just appreciate your advice. Shane is exhausted today and is still in bed. I briefly mentioned to him my attempt to communicate with SA & Brass Monkey. I am just so happy that he nodded his head. I discovered SA by chance and feel as if I’d struck the Jackpot. Bless him my love. Thank you xo

 

 

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Songbird

Hi JustWantMyShaneBack, thanks for your question.  Shane is lucky to have you looking out for him.  I've just merged your new question into your topic, and moved it to Introductions.  You can continue to post on this topic, like a journal.

 

I'm sorry to say that the tapering method your partner is using of increasing the time between doses is a terrible idea.  The dose in the body will quickly run out and throw the body into withdrawal until the next dose arrives.  It's much better to keep the dose times consistent, and gradually reduce the amount of the dose over time.

 

Here is some information about the tapering method we recommend here:  Why taper by 10% of my dosage

 

It would be great if you could convince your partner to become a member so we can help him directly.  He is much more likely to be successful (as well as experience milder withdrawal effects) by using a better tapering method.

 

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JustwantmyShaneback

Dear Songbird, 

 

I thank you for your response and for collating my journal to the one focus thread. Pardon my ignorance for this is the first time for me to be involved in any assistant or support group. Thank you xo

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Songbird

Here is some information specifically about tapering venlafaxine:  Tips for tapering off effexor venlafaxine

 

Most of the information is in the top post - it could be helpful to your partner for him to read it, if he's willing.

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you Songbird. I will try sharing this with Shane.

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JustwantmyShaneback

Shane has resumed taking his normal dose as suggested and await for your next advice. Thank you.

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brassmonkey

That's good to hear. It's going to take several weeks for things to stabilize and there will be some ups and downs during that time, so don't panic if there is a bit of a down turn. Skyblue and Songbird have given you a lot of good information for understanding what is happening and making plans for a taper.  We don't want to rush things so lets take the time it needs to get Shane good and stable, then we'll work on getting him tapered off.

 

If you would please add a signature block with a listing of his drug use, dates and doses it would be really helpful: click on your name at the upper right, Account Settings in the drop down menu and Signature to the upper left.

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you Brass Monkey 

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JustwantmyShaneback

Hello Brass Monkey, Songbird & SkyBlue, 

 

Shane isn’t in favour of signing up as an individual though he has been receptive towards me sharing information and suggestions to him as he is aware that I am with SA how long is Shane required to reinstate at 150mg in prep before he is able to attempt tapering at 10%? Enaflax XR SR is encapsulated with 2 tablets in each capsule. Would it be safe to crush and weigh as the brand Effexor isn’t suitable for Shane. Thank you

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you Brass Monkey & yes I will keep reading & continue to share with Shane as he is at least giving me a chance by listening 

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JustwantmyShaneback
For anyone whom may be interested,  I stumbled across this about possible law suit actions for patients prescribed AD in Australia therefore thought I would share.  I have just sent Alison an email.

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JustwantmyShaneback

 May I please ask your opinion? 

 

I managed to speak with my partner tonight & shared experiences which I have since discovered through previous users of Effexor XR with Shane. He was good and at least allowed the chance to listen to what others whom have weaned off AD had shared. He might see a Dr with me on Thursday as I have a review for a 2nd degree burn ( Dr is going to refer Shane to a Dr of Mind and also said to perhaps look at a less blunting antidepressant ) I am just worried they will keep increasing and mess him up even more. What do you think? He said he would be open to this. Then also said what if I just tell them that I am wanting to wean off completely? Then from what I have discovered is too drastic a taper which would result in bad withdrawal symptoms, harsher damage and another vicious cycle. I searched in Brisbane, Australia for alternative non medicated doctors for depression and discovered TMS ( Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation ) we are now curious and Shane is as well. I am just to happy that he is allowing a chance to listen.

 

Shane is presently Day 3 of Week 3 tapering at 10% which he is happy to do. He just isn’t wanting to be living together for the next 10 months awkward with me and is still planning on moving out which still breaks my heart. No arguments as it is very peaceful, harmonious and good conversations. He is only remaining here he says as my baby sister just underwent 12 hour brain surgery for the removal of a 5cm brain tumour so circumstances he says and also because he is still building my property. Little empathy, a pillow wall between but grateful for a goodnight kiss and allows me to hold his hand. We have always been so close not just when intimate and loving which hurts beyond words can describe.

 

TMS is what I would like to research 

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ChessieCat
47 minutes ago, JustwantmyShaneback said:

TMS ( Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation )

 

See discussion here:  tms-transcranial-magnetic-stimulation

 

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you ChessieCat

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JustwantmyShaneback

I thought to share a little more about Grounding and Earthing Mats as I recently purchased the mats and an Orgone Geo Cleanse wall plug in to support Shane’s tapering. I have to say how amazed we are as these have only been used since last Thursday 15/06/18. I am already seeing a miraculous change in Shane despite still slowly tapering... please look into it if you are as desperate as I was. xo

 

 

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JustwantmyShaneback

My latest update ...

 

I hope you are well? My we have been to hell and back however crazy things happened Sunday week.... 

 

 

Well, he nearly walked Saturday 23rd June 2018. Told me how unattractive I am despite sleeping with me that Saturday. Told me that I am too fat for his liking. My bum, my tummy and my legs too fat for his liking. Threatened to leave to a friend’s so I said fine then go....

 

I know he has always found my speed bump a negative from 3-c sections. I am so hurt. He now says that he will stay until he completes the build and hopefully by then would be in a better head space.... 

 

I have asked that he not make any life changing decisions until he is off his meds allowing a little time even after in case of protracted withdrawal. Why am I doing this to myself? 😢

 

We tapered another 5% Friday night 22/06/18. I can’t even remember what sparked our conversation to this tonight. Everything seemed to be improving until I questioned about who was texting him on a Saturday night.

 

Then conversation progressed to calm but not so nice...

He tells me I irritate him at times. He was going to move out tonight then said he will sleep in my son’s room. Then I ask that he not then he said ok but no contact. That he will finish the build and hopefully be in a better head space by then...

 

I hope he realises what he’s been saying to me. He sees no possibility of us ever again and just wants to finish building and move on. He mentioned some friends of his have said “**** her & just leave” but he says that isn’t him to do that.

 

When I see this side of him, I try to convince myself it is time to let him go. To walk. Admittedly is that he cares and loves but also not. I am going to look into my options for the home Marion.... 

 

May I please share a little something with you...

I have a great number of flaws as well which I do acknowledge. My nagging and god who is able to not be bothered by dust and **** especially when unmedicated seriously? I have been living at a partially constructed property for over a year... 2 years out of a suitcase.

 

Financially too has been stressful as my intent was to be in the main home and rent the unit out to generate income. I tell him everyday how appreciative I am for him building but he says he feels unappreciated. 

 

Tonight he suggested that I approach a developer (a contact through a friend) as an option to sell my property as it is. I am so tempted! He is screwing me over big time. He tells me that I am not sincere with his best interest health wise at heart but my reputation as I am Asian. For f’ing sake, if it were my reputation I cared about, would I allowed myself to be involved with a man who has nothing, declared bankruptcy & depressed? Oh my god... I am trying to be loving and patient as he tapers. Does he think he is Donald Trump? 

 

We are very distant, cold. Thank you for listening. I know deep down is the real Shane but just venting as I was close to texting you last night. Can I tell you one other thing? In December we were at the Gold Coast, we were in line with the kids for ice cream. He started to say some pathetic things making fun saying “you rike to rick my flaps” referring to the Asian holiday makers... derogation “you like to lick my flaps” I was embarrassed and humiliated. Even the gentleman serving looked disgusted especially with me standing by his side as a partner.. I was disgusted and thought how inappropriate... I should have seen the signs... he criticises anyone he deems unattractive. Success is also an attractive attribute. He is cruel brought out by his medication as I have only just discovered it can turn some into a narcissistic beep! 

 

Sunday night 24/06/18, Shane text to say he’s got his meds & to say hope Louis ( our puppy ) & I are ok? Tried calling him but he said “ I can’t talk at the moment I’m too upset at the moment “

 

The first time in over 10 weeks responded with “Good night honey and to say good night to Louis for me xoxo” I haven’t received hugs and kisses by text let alone a response in over 10 weeks. 

 

He goes and then responds like this after humiliating me the night before.. now I am a mess. I wasn’t upset earlier therefore I could not stop crying. A confused man? I had not shed a tear until now...

 

Monday 25/06/18

I spoke with Shane yesterday, all Monday afternoon. I would have been long gone if it wasn’t for antidepressants as the cause of our heartache. It is inexcusable the words & hurt directed towards me/us. Again understanding it is the consequence for majority on psychoactive mind altering drugs. 

 

You might think I am being delusional but every single couple have admitted within a closed group about what we have been going through as sadly typical. I have Directors from Drug Awareness USA & Venlafaxine Destroys Relationship in contact checking in with me. The support on safe tapering method has been beyond describable. You would as a couple either make or break.. the ones who make it are the ones supporting to tell. The ones who haven’t made it are also sharing their painful experience. It isn’t going to be easy but at least it helps when both parties are willing to persevere together. Which leaves me at this present time...

 

It is amazing what my actions of asking Shane to leave on Sunday and to not have shed a tear has done. Archangel Michael & Archangel Raphael have answered my prayers. My thank’s and healing as a whole being is a miracle! 

 

Shane admitted he cried for the 1st time in a very very long time. He acknowledged his medication is screwing him up and realised yesterday. See the medication numbs you so much to the point of no feelings but last night he cried so much that he realised his feelings were returning. He realised and doesn’t want to destroy what we have. What touched me most is that he actually said “we will get through this together” “we will be alright“ He would like me to continue supporting him to taper as I have been doing. 

 

You have no idea how happy we both are! It is still going to be a challenging journey but the main thing is that we both acknowledge and confident that we will conquer this together. It has been difficult as Shane up until Sunday believed how he felt was real. Now realising it is the medication confusing him. 

 

So much of Shane is back even more. He is loving, passionate, smiling, calm, focused and affectionate. We are so happy again and he realises the little taper of 5% has shifted incredible emotions. His love, his eyes, the way he holds me, the way he touches me... unbelievable as it has returned.  

 

I was so sorry and so was Shane. He is just so sorry and wants to do this together.

At the end of our challenge with Venlafaxine, I mentioned to Shane that I/we should look into starting a network as support for relationships &  marriages suffering from adverse effects of Venlafaxine ( Effexor ) If it wasn’t for the support group and people around the world going through the exact as we have been, I would never have believed and simply walked away. We are both grateful for the knowledge I have since discovered. 

 

No pillow wall for the first time in a very long time last night. Instead Shane hugged & held my hand with love until morning. You have no idea how happy I am to have so much of Shane back. Us back. He was very remorseful for the hurt inflicted, for the hurt we both had inflicted..

 

He asked again how Lydia was yesterday... caring loving considerate Shane is really back. I am going to be an advocate as I now despise antidepressants!! 

 

Louis so happy again. Poor baby was depressed & down the 24hours Daddy was gone. You should have seen him last night! All happy jumping between us kissing the both of us then sitting between us. It is amazing & we love Louis so much. 

 

I am thrilled as Shane will commence gym again with me in between his tennis & golf. A couple of walks with Louis & a date each week for us. Back to how we use to be.

 

Week of 25/06/18

All of last week, he has been normal and kept to his promise taking me on a date last night however yet to take puppy for walks and no he may not start gym as he is physically tired, I understand. He seems more himself and is no longer awkward. Shane realises the evil of these meds as he was informed by his friend’S wife who weaned. I ask how come the sudden change of heart and Shane said because he realised he had feelings for me when he was upset and cried when he left. That we will work through this together. Am I being fooled? He is once again considerate though at times exhausted after work. Planning ahead etc... I am afraid especially from reading about other experiences bad withdrawl suddenly flipping. Can one’s mind flip and revert to cold nasty and hostile despite tapering gradually at 5% Shane has left his tapering in my hands which I am ever so grateful  for. It is as if part of my Shane is back... even in his eyes... he now realises it is the poison of Venlafaxine the cause of our problems and his ill feelings towards me. 

 

Am I being deluded? I know/we know to expect a roller coaster ride but is this to be expected every taper? We have been tapering gradually at 10% and have since dropped to 5%

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Athena

Hi JustWant,

 

I read your last few posts. I am so sorry you and your partner are going through this pain. I am very happy that you see some improvements though.

 

I am going through a very rough patch of severe insomnia, and I read that the grounding mat has helped Shane. Is it still helping?

 

I wish you two health and happiness,

 

Athena

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