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Is there any meaning to all of this?

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I don’t mean for this to be a negative post, as I’m actually feeling quite good at the moment. But thinking back to the hellish despair I’ve gone through in these past 20 months, the insomnia, the horrendous depression, emotional anesthesia, loss of personality, suicidality, inability to socialize, headaches, paralyzing fear, fatigue, etc etc etc. . . I wonder what the meaning is behind this whole thing. How could PAWS be a good thing for us in any way in the long run? Being in a window right now, I feel very much like my old self. I found myself giggling with some friends and dancing in the mirror today. A few days ago I was in a wave and tremendous despair. Now, I’m out of that wave but I’m thinking: what was the point? What did the wave do for me other than ruin and waste precious moments of my life? What does withdrawal do for any of us other than waste and harm our lives? I’ve come up with two pros that I can think of that come from withdrawal:


1. Never will we ever touch another psychiatric medications again. We can breathe easy knowing we never will have to go through this experience again


2. After going through the intense pain of withdrawal, we can probably say we have grown stronger and more resilient than we ever were before medications.


But are there any other benefits anyone can think of? Or would you consider withdrawal syndrome a random mistake that did nothing but ruin a portion of our lives

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i love your questions.

i am not sure, there is so much suffering on the planet.

what about the war is Syria, what about the holocaust?

there is no answer to the general suffering.


i am more with your number 2 but it is not about medication

"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found"- pema chodron.


i know that i am not my mind in withdrawal.

this has taught me to have faith in TIME. everything passes.

the gratitude when i feel normal in a window is immeasurable.

i don't take what i have and who i am for granted anymore.

the humility and compassion that i feel for others has greatly increased.

this has taught me to focus on the present moment when i feel good. to make the most of it. i think about people who have terminal illness and have a limited amount of time to live.

i think about people with degenerative disease who will never get better but gets worse with time. at least, we heal. it takes a lot of time, but we get better as time passes.


enjoy your window and make the most of it :)

and when things gets hard, i focus on the lessons.



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I was just about to start a new topic to ask WHY anyone would want to go through med withdrawal when I found this post. On meds, I still had occasional problems with anger (usually traffic related) and distress tolerance, but off the meds, it's becoming unbearable at times--so much so that I wonder about going back on something so that I can be a more together mother, grandmother, friend, and employee, etc. When I read about windows and people still struggling years after withdrawal and it fills me with fear and sadness. I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel . . .  

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