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FarmGirlWorks

How do you talk to neighbors/friends when they are on ADs?

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FarmGirlWorks

Wondering how other people here respond to friends/neighbors/family who tell you they are on psychotropic drugs?

 

This issue has come up recently, especially with a couple neighbors that have told me that they are on ADs. One neighbor last evening told me that she is switching ADs and that her friend said the new one made him "go crazy." I told her that she needed to trust her body and if there is an adverse reaction, know that it is the drug and get off of it. I can't help but be concerned about her well-being. But I also can see that she is horrified that I've been in WD for over a year and the toll it has taken on my work (I used to do graphic design, now I watch dogs and continue to collect SSDI). Another neighbor who is on buprion (forget if that is a benzo or AD) and Wellbutrin, has actually put up his hands in a "stop now" motion when I have expressed that I was in a dark WD place. Friends I've had who are on ADs have melted away; I have so little to talk about when in the thick of it.

 

My half-sister (who I am not close to) started sertraline a couple years after me. I felt badly because I had touted the drug to her when I could see the anxiety present in her. Later, while in this WD, apologized to her and said she could look to me for support if she ever had problems getting off. She said she was "fine" it worked well for her and I have not heard from her since.

 

It is isolating, especially when it seems like WD takes over your life and you have no outlets except SA. My new method, which I got from Brassmonkey I think, is to just not talk about it to anyone except my bf, one close friend whom I see a few times a week, and folks here on SA or the Meetup group I started in January.

 

Anyways, interested in responses from others in how they communicate with people on ADs in their lives.

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powerback

Hi FGW ,brassmonkey is bang on here ,its simply way to complicated to bring all this subject up ,your inviting much more trouble to your door ,SA should be our  main platform for all discussions in my opinion  ,I totally get your want to connect in the "real" world .anyone that gives advice on youtube and here always put in a disclaimer about seeking advise of a doctor without going off a lay persons advice ,this is simply how the world works .

I can see your a very empathic person ,good on you for but be very careful ,you could easily get burned .

 

I'm personally relieved this part of my journey is over ,the constant talking about the meds and justifying my journey and my coming off them and my withdrawl struggle  .we seem to be in a more open mined world with different treatments at the same time as doctors prescribing meds for the smallest thing ,its going to get very messy before it gets better ,I for one am glad I can chat on SA and not to the wider public that are  ignorant and spellbound by doctors .  like myself 7 years ago ,I was painfully ignorant about meds and there affects on the brain .

This mite sound cold but I don't mean it to ,but don't waste any of your  precious time worrying  about neighbours on meds ,we don't have a crystal ball to show them the future.   

Take this example you give of your half sister and be wary ,it could turn out very different if someone takes a med on the back of you suggesting it and it turns out bad for ,nightmare just waiting to happen .

Suggesting helpful sites could be the safest option .

A close friend that has seen me in bad states  and heard me be  very critical of meds ,says to me  nervously one day that he's sister-in-law was put on meds in the last year for postnatal depression ,he was gauging my reaction ,thankfully by this time   I have given  up the ghost with being  critical ,I simply said if it helps her then that's what she needs .he knows he can come to me if it gets messy .plus I know she drinks alcohol while on these meds with 2 young kids .Yikes 😡 

 

Nice thread FGW 

hope your well take care .

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FarmGirlWorks

Not so much "empathetic" as "desperate to share." It's true. And, to me, it is comical how people put in the caveat to "seek the advice of a medical professional" or whatever -- I get that it is necessary in this world, but all my experiences with the medial establishment and drugs make them the last people I want to talk to about WD. I am looking forward to this "need to share" phase being over... glad to hear it happened for you, @powerback. And that story about your friend's sister-in-law resonates. I dropped my AA sponsor because, while she was sober, was taking ADs druring pregnancy and I just couldn't get over feeling judgemental 😞

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powerback
1 minute ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Not so much "empathetic" as "desperate to share." It's true. And, to me, it is comical how people put in the caveat to "seek the advice of a medical professional" or whatever -- I get that it is necessary in this world, but all my experiences with the medial establishment and drugs make them the last people I want to talk to about WD. I am looking forward to this "need to share" phase being over... glad to hear it happened for you, @powerback.

I got excited when I seen your thread because I love to chat to people that get it ,oh my lord the amount of wasted time I wont get back talking to ignorant people about meds [no offence to them ]. ide rather save our  members from further complicating there lives,i certainly complicated my own for far to long ,the best place is your thread for a good  old rant  if any one is pulling on your nerves and patience  in your life .

It will pass ,treat it like mindfulness ,be aware you want to say something but hold it in or if your opinion is seaked ,pull over it so you can give a valid reply at a later date .

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FarmGirlWorks
12 minutes ago, powerback said:

It will pass ,treat it like mindfulness ,be aware you want to say something but hold it in or if your opinion is seaked ,pull over it so you can give a valid reply at a later date .

Wise words.

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powerback
4 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Wise words.

 

4 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Wise words.

It took a long time to get to them wise words FGW 😲😊.

Take care and never give up your kind soul.

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YammySteph

I was about to ask something like this!! I pretty much follow Powerback’s advice now. Talking ill about antidepressants are just too taboo and sinful in 2018 USA, that I’ve noticed. I went to the dentist recently and told em that I’m “sick from pharmaceuticals”. The assistant thought it was pain killers and when she asked which one, she was stunned I said antidepressants. She then sorta snapped and told me her Effexor cured her anxiety and she likes it. I just looked at her and said, “cool” and let them clean my teeth. I hate biting my tongue on this topic!!! 😓

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FarmGirlWorks

I know: it is taboo to not be pro-pharmaceuticals right now. Big change is coming though, I believe that.

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Mort81

Yup I find saying less is better , having to be on the defensive is no fun , especially when we are so passionate and right . Even those who have good experiences early on could end up being on forums like this down the road. I think the likelihood is probable.  but until then its like telling them vegetables are bad for your health but much more sacred than that.

 

I feel like it will always end in an argument , a few months ago I had a convo with a friend , his main point was imagine how many people would be dead if they didnt use SSRI , so i was pissed , it never gets anywhere but ends in me being mad . def not worth my time anymore, talking about this with non community members.

 

when the evidence becomes unequivocally undeniable then we can all come out of the wood work and say I told you so. until then be prepared to be very angry , frustrated if you engage in this topic. Im not saying dont do it , but just be prepared . 

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FarmGirlWorks

Well, while good advice was posted here, I ignored it today when a person (who I feel very hurt has not reached out in several months and told me flat out there is just a short "discontinuation syndrome" and I'd experience "relapse" and "fail.") Ugh. So, when she did respond to me (via an invite I sent to one of her employee's email -- weird) and said she "hoped" I was ok and hadn't seen me in a while... well... I held back but did say that her failure to reach out hurt and that, while our views on AD WD are very different, I was gratified that the NYT, NPR, CBC, the Guardian all had covered the issue recently. Perhaps that was a bit defensive on my part but I am in no mood to lie anymore. I can't. I've been too damaged and pretending makes it feel worse.

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Mort81

you should speak up when insulted like that , dont let people walk all over you ,  I just wouldnt initiate the conversation in the first place   . Personally I cant be around anyone like that.  Good on you though for mentioning the articles. 

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FarmGirlWorks

I wish I had spoke up at the time but I didn't. Plus I had no clue about the mechanics of WD. Going to practice being more "in the moment" going forward. She is a surgeon and that is the b.s. that big pharma has told them. We are the "wack jobs" until mainstream coverage appeared in April.

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FarmGirlWorks

Last night, I sent an email to a former biz partner (I did freelance design and he develops/codes) after a gentle nudge from someone here 🙂 Even though I have clearly told him that I am in WD, he asked me if he could refer me to someone but saw that I'm "tweaking" my web site -- it has been down for a year. We just discussed last week that I have PAWS and cannot do design now. And, as if that conversation never happened, he contacts me about work again. I sent a short email excerpted below. No reply yet but just glad I finally stood up for myself and was honest (thank you, AA).

 

Quote

 

As I said last week, I am only doing small print projects and my web site is down while I recover from antidepressant withdrawal syndrome. To be clear: no referrals for web work. I am sick. I feel badly when I have to tell you again and again that I am in the throes of this condition and it is embarrassing, scary, and sad. I have talked to a lot of people who have gone through this and apparently the 2 year mark is when it begins to turn -- I am almost at 18 months. So fingers crossed it will be better by next spring. And then I will be ready to make bolder steps but right now that is not possible. I value our previous time together and hope you can hear this.

 

 

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manymoretodays

Good job FGW!  ❤️   Will Well written response. 

You are, in essence.......educating others too!

So.....thank you.  I try and do the same.......when it's applicable.......with my own story stuff.  I've gotten used to "feeling unheard" sometimes and it doesn't throw me.  Sometimes I just hold on my sharing, and get on with it all too.  My "windbag" versus quiet person...... duality at play I suppose. B)

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays
funny typo

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powerback
On ‎9‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 7:36 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

Last night, I sent an email to a former biz partner (I did freelance design and he develops/codes) after a gentle nudge from someone here 🙂 Even though I have clearly told him that I am in WD, he asked me if he could refer me to someone but saw that I'm "tweaking" my web site -- it has been down for a year. We just discussed last week that I have PAWS and cannot do design now. And, as if that conversation never happened, he contacts me about work again. I sent a short email excerpted below. No reply yet but just glad I finally stood up for myself and was honest (thank you, AA).

 

 

Fairplay FGW ,your in demand ,this is good for your confidence ,cherish it .

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FarmGirlWorks
On 9/27/2018 at 12:01 PM, manymoretodays said:

funny typo

I thought that typo @manymoretodays was a good Freudian slip 🙂

 

4 hours ago, powerback said:

Fairplay FGW ,your in demand ,this is good for your confidence ,cherish it . 

Thanks, @powerback: I was just rueing that perhaps I was too rough and he has not responded so I think for sure that relationship is done... good to see some support here. People don't get it. I was talking to a sweet kid last night who, after I mentioned that I am in WD, got a concerned look on his face and said, "Oh, I hear it can take up to a month for that!" Ha. Ha. Ha. If only.

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JanCarol

My close friends know what I do here.  I tell them once, I offer my help (and am ignored) and so then shut up.

 

I watch them taper too fast.  I accept the blows that come from their drugs (insensitivity, selfishness, and apathy that I recognize from my own time on the drugs).  I cry when they go on a new drug without calling me - I could've given them alternatives....but no - for some reason, when a friend is in distress, it is more natural to tell a doctor than to tell a friend.  (what is wrong with this picture?)

 

My family is harder - they are all hooked.  I told my bro I could get him off, he said, "No way, I tried, I'm not gonna try again."  And he thinks I'm mad for wanting to get him off statins and BP drugs too...so . . . my family doesn't respect my knowledge at all.  And I am knowledgeable, thanks to Alto and the team here.

 

My tongue gets bitten a lot.

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FarmGirlWorks

I hear you @JanCarol. My tongue is swollen from repeated bites. And then I say how awful these drugs are and, sometimes, there is pushback. Or, more often, silence. But once the veil has been lifted, you can't unsee what is behind it.

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PapayaShake

Hi FGW that letter didn't seemed rude al all at least for me, It seems like it doesn't matter how much you explain to others they just don't get it 😥 it's as if we live in an alternate dimension and it is impossible for them to understand. The healthy ones and also AD users.

 

I have a friend who recently told me she's been on ADs on and off , she says she takes them when she needs them and does almost no tapper that she knows how those drugs act. But since I know her like 6 years ago she ia always in pain, cannot sleep and is always sick and without energy I told her it coul be the drug's side effects but I think she didn't believed me and jusrt ignored me. 

 

And me, I try to explain to my mom how during withdrawal I'm just unable to do things as I used to, and she tells me she can see how all this is sort of satan induced 😲. I try to seek comfort in her but she always ends up telling me hurtful things, like its my fault and stuff. So I have learned too, to keep it all to myself.  Only my gf tells me she doesn't really understands but that she believes me, and hugs me, an lets me cry all I want. 

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FarmGirlWorks

As the daughter of a Pentencostalist mother, I hear you and am so sorry that you have that b.s. in addition to WD. Not telling her is what you have to do to maintain sanity. I've tried to get comfort from my mother several times in my life (I am 51) and have almost learned that it is a roll of the dice with her. Mostly, I lose. At least your gf is there for you.

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FarmGirlWorks

I saw a friend yesterday. I do not see often see her. She asked me how my depression was and I said that I felt uncomfortable talking to her about it because of her job as a prescriber. Also because last year at about 3 months into this hell, I had a panic attack, and she came over immediately to support me as she suffers from depression/anxiety as well and she knows from her job in mental health how dangerous a panic attack can be. During that visit, she told me that my "disease" needed medication and I was being stubborn and stupid not doing it. I was hurt -- although I continued on this path -- and didn't see her much again, partially due to her life and partially due to my distrust.

 

Yesterday she acknowledged and apologized for saying that. She said she didn't want me to feel judged (I did) and that she believes there are multiple paths for people with this condition. I thanked her for the courage to say that to me. She is on ADs and is a prescriber; I don't feel anger at her for making this choice. This money-grubbing system makes it the easiest answer to personal and societal problems. Frankly, by drugging the population, it is easier to make each of us complacent, compliant and less prone to resistance as more and more horrible things happen. I don't know who said it and I am not saying it well but: it is not a sign of sickness to be losing one's mind in a (very) sick society.

 

There is a price to be paid. And those of us who choose or support this path, are paying it.

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powerback
15 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

I saw a friend yesterday. I do not see often see her. She asked me how my depression was and I said that I felt uncomfortable talking to her about it because of her job as a prescriber. Also because last year at about 3 months into this hell, I had a panic attack, and she came over immediately to support me as she suffers from depression/anxiety as well and she knows from her job in mental health how dangerous a panic attack can be. During that visit, she told me that my "disease" needed medication and I was being stubborn and stupid not doing it. I was hurt -- although I continued on this path -- and didn't see her much again, partially due to her life and partially due to my distrust.

 

Yesterday she acknowledged and apologized for saying that. She said she didn't want me to feel judged (I did) and that she believes there are multiple paths for people with this condition. I thanked her for the courage to say that to me. She is on ADs and is a prescriber; I don't feel anger at her for making this choice. This money-grubbing system makes it the easiest answer to personal and societal problems. Frankly, by drugging the population, it is easier to make each of us complacent, compliant and less prone to resistance as more and more horrible things happen. I don't know who said it and I am not saying it well but: it is not a sign of sickness to be losing one's mind in a (very) sick society.

 

There is a price to be paid. And those of us who choose or support this path, are paying it.

Hi FGW ,very interesting  about your friend ,its very tricky and its at the point were its us against them. I keep being brought down paths that are murky the longer this goes on . my quest isn't to be happy but to be at peace .itl be decades before this younger generation of DRs that are medicating themselves  will see the damage but it will serve many of them in the meantime .

I'm dropping my defence about meds the longer this goes on ,I've researched  a lot now and there's a big culture of medicating to get a head in life in the workforce ,biohacking ,neuroleptics .I'm staying well clear of all this in the future ,ile run from the debate in the "real world" or at least until im majority healed .

The one thing ile like to see them give a coherent answer to is why is there black box warnings  to these drugs .

I don't know if the day comes for me that I cant be med free but I have to try it first and that's my right to choose .the arrogance of these people is shocking.

 

The stuff Jordan Peterson is talking about is very scary the elite have no patience or time for the "weak"[sorry bad choice of word } ,he's medicated as far as I know and he's a phycologists .him and he's daughter suffer with depression .

Lately I'm heading  back towards the fence on all this  ,its mess that the  minority will never win .

Apologies for my cynical rant FGW .

Ide rather feel than be numb but we have the ability to know the difference and once we can feel again why would we go back .

Take care and peace to your soul.

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FarmGirlWorks
10 hours ago, powerback said:

there's a big culture of medicating to get a head in life in the workforce ,biohacking ,neuroleptics .I'm staying well clear of all this in the future ,ile run from the debate in the "real world" or at least until im majority healed .

@powerback: So true... it pisses me that medicated people I know ARE advancing in their professional careers while I go crazy and watch dogs. Useless envy. I am interested in consciousness-expanding substances when I get better but not pharma drugs (ever!) that get you fattened for the workforce slaughterhouse. Hell, at 51, it is probably too late for that anyway. I'm here now.

 

10 hours ago, powerback said:

The stuff Jordan Peterson is talking about is very scary the elite have no patience or time for the "weak"[sorry bad choice of word } ,he's medicated as far as I know and he's a phycologists .him and he's daughter suffer with depression . Lately I'm heading  back towards the fence on all this  ,its mess that the  minority will never win .

I'll have to look up Jordan Peterson, not familiar with him. We will never "win" -- at least not for a while until people get off drugs. It will take a change in the zeitgeist. And yes, I think it is painfully obvious that the elite shun the struggling. I have seen this clearly happen to me. It is painful. It is real. But I have met people who have high-powered positions and are on drugs. They try to go off or reduce and get slammed with WD and then go back on because to not means going through months to years of WD hell and not being able to keep Their Life. I have a friend in the same building (on Adderall) who has seen firsthand my slide from comfortably numb to batshit insane and has told me it has scared her into accepting that her brain has a relationship with the drug and there will be no going off ever. It IS scary. You may lose everything. Who wants that? Who can afford it?

 

10 hours ago, powerback said:

Ide rather feel than be numb but we have the ability to know the difference and once we can feel again why would we go back .

Me too, me too. Peace of mind is my hope on the Other Side. I've met two people this month who have trekked this hell path to The Other Side and assure me that it is there and it will happen. Doesn't feel like it now but I hope for all of us.

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