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RenewedLife: looking for reassurance


RenewedLife

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Hello all! I am completely new to this. I have been creeping around forums and reading as much as possible since last August. I finally found this site and have been reading for about a week. I now have the courage to create my own post. I guess part of me feels like what I have gone through is only a fraction of what I’ve read here in some cases and feel bad for taking attention away from those who may need it more. 

 

I have been AD free for a week. I’m doing a lot better than when I was on medication but am still struggling. Just a quick rundown of what I’ve been through: 

 

June 2016, I gave birth to my beautiful son. He’s my only child right now. I struggled bad after being readmitted to the hospital only a day after being home. I was decent until September of 2016 when I had a panic attack and decided to start the Zoloft my OB prescribed. It took a bit but I was ok. More a zombie walking than a human it felt like. I weaned myself off the following March (2017) when I started feeling better. I did GREAT until July. I began having serious anxiety that my son was going to dry drown. We have a pool, so it was really bad. When I moved from that I thought I had colon cancer and couldn’t let that go. I finally made an appointment with my OB who prescribed me Prozac 20mg because I discussed the apathy and lack of sexual desire on Zoloft. The night I took it, I woke up having the WORST panic attack of my life... my only panic attack until that point. I was trying to claw my chest open it was awful. I stayed on it 4 days and woke up with suicidal thoughts. I immediately discontinued the drug and started Zoloft because I knew it had worked before. At this point Sept 2017 I made a psychiatrist appointment and started Mirtazapine 7.5 for sleep and appetite. I had lost 25 lbs in a month and was averaging 1.5 of sleep a night. I stabilized at 75 mg Zoloft and 7.5 mg Mirtazapine in Sept 2017. I discontinued the Mirtazapine shortly after as everything was ok. Fast forward to January 2018. I had a panic attack on Jan 15, 2018 and fell into a deep hole. Tried 100, then 125 mg Zoloft until February 27, 2018. It didn’t work. Psych wanted to switch me to lexapro. He had me abruptly stop Zoloft and start lexapro. 3 weeks later I was have serious suicidal thoughts. Other than the one time on Prozac this had never happened to me before. I was scared to be home alone. I went back and my psych labeled my issue as major depressive and stopped the lexapro immediately and had me start Wellbutrin. 3 weeks into that I was having suicidal thoughts though not as bad. I tapered quickly off Wellbutrin. 

 

Needless to say, I’ve been a mess. I am functioning now. I have passive suicidal thoughts though very minor. (Please tell me these will stop as I get better) I have started taking magnesium, high EPA fish oil, vitamin b complex and a probiotic. I also take vitamin c every other day. I have cleaned up my diet. I cut dairy, sugar, gluten. I am still having a small cup of coffee in the morning. It’s a hard habit to break. I wake up EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. With anxiety and nausea. Most mornings dry heaving. This morning I didn’t though so I count that as a blessing. 

 

My main reason for posting is, I know Wellbutrin isn’t a SSRI, so do you think all my symptoms stem from abruptly stopping the Zoloft in Feb? Is there any other advice anyone has that could help my healing? I lack motivation still but am much better in the evenings and on weekends when I’m home with my family. I just want to get back to normal. Whatever normal is. I have so much guilt over reinstating ADs last year. It’s been a heck of a ride, and the more I read about long term effects and the difficulty discontinuing im trying my hardest to keep from going back. 

 

I know that’s a lot, so I really appreciate whoever takes the time to read my story and provide feedback.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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  • Songbird changed the title to RenewedLife: Looking for Reassurance
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi RenewedLife, welcome to SA!  It is a shame that doctors keep switching people to different meds very suddenly - this causes much confusion in the brain and it makes it very difficult to figure out what is causing what.  You've been through a lot.  Please don't feel bad for posting here, you are not less worthy of attention than anyone else.

 

It would be helpful if you could create a signature with your med history, listing drugs, doses and dates - this will help us get a clear picture of your situation so we will be able to help you better.  You can edit your signature under your Account Settings. 

See this topic for more info: Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

 

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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Thank you Songbird for your reply. And thank you for reassuring me that my problem is just as worthy as everyone else’s. It is something I’ve struggled with all my life! 

 

I am so upset at my doctor for continuously switching my meds. I my husband was actually the one who convinced me just to see what happens if I gave my body some time to wash everything out. He’s been my rock for sure. It just seems to unethical to treat people like science projects, which is how I felt at the end. 

 

I added my signature in my settings! Hopefully it saved correctly!! 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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One of my biggest concerns is the nausea in the mornings. Anyone have any advice or recommendations to help with that?? It’s probably my worst symptom right now. I’m sleeping decent and without any sleep aids... finally stopped taking melatonin 3 nights ago after reading more about it. I just wake up anxious and then the nausea hits and most mornings I’m dry heaving for a good 10 minutes before it settles. It really just sets my day up to be crappy. :( 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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  • Moderator Emeritus
5 hours ago, RenewedLife said:

I weaned myself off the following March (2017) when I started feeling better. I did GREAT until July. I began having serious anxiety that my son was going to dry drown. 

 

I think it is very likely that what hit you in July was Zoloft withdrawal.

 

5 hours ago, RenewedLife said:

I stabilized at 75 mg Zoloft and 7.5 mg Mirtazapine in Sept 2017. I discontinued the Mirtazapine shortly after as everything was ok. Fast forward to January 2018. I had a panic attack on Jan 15, 2018 and fell into a deep hole. Tried 100, then 125 mg Zoloft until February 27, 2018.

 

It's possible that the panic attack and "deep hole" may have been related to mirtazapine withdrawal.

 

5 hours ago, RenewedLife said:

One of my biggest concerns is the nausea in the mornings. Anyone have any advice or recommendations to help with that??

 

Many people find ginger helpful for nausea.  When I feel nauseous I find ginger tea usually helps me a lot.

 

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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I agree. After what I’ve read here it seems to be pretty common. I guess that’s what I was asking earlier. I know I was only on Wellbutrin for a short time. Could I expect withdrawals from Zoloft to continue and also withdrawal from lexapro and Wellbutrin?? I’m soooo scared to go through what I did last summer again. I’m sure that’s giving me some of my anxiety now. I feel a little more prepared knowing what to expect, but it was hard. I teach and it was so close to the new school year that I felt like I had to do something. Even though what I didn’t wasnt very good.... 

 

i was only on mirtazapine for 2 weeks. Can you get withdrawal symptoms after only two weeks? I had reinstated my birth control that month and really thought it was my birth control because the panic attack happened the night before AF. 

 

I will I’ll try ginger. With it being as soon as I open my eyes, I feel like it’s hard to do anything other than let it run it’s course. I considered anti nausea pills but read here that adding anything is a big no no.... 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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Another issue I've been having although not as bad are the passive suicidal thoughts. It's very quick, but it hits my anxiety like nothing else and then I remained focused on that for a while until I can pull my thought process back to the present moment. It HAS gotten better than it was, but it still knocks the breath out of me when it happens. It scares me and makes me think that I'm an awful person for the thoughts. As I said previously, I NEVER had thoughts of hurting myself until this awful rollercoaster ride I've been on...

 

I know everyone is different, but I'm really hoping that I don't slip and fall as hard as I did last year. I also wish I would have found this site when all of it was happening. I probably could have saved myself a lot of hurt putting myself and family through everything I have in the past 8 months. GUILT.... it's all I feel most days... That and the fear that I'm not going to get better.

 

This site has already helped more than I could have thought it would. Just getting my thoughts out and questioning people who have gone through the process has been very beneficial to me.

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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  • Moderator

These feelings of fear and guilt are not your emotions, though they seem very real.  They are caused by the withdrawal and are known as neuroemotions.  Please read:

 

When I fall into thinking about something I don't want to think about, I say to myself, "Change channels" and substitute something positive.

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg 

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Jan. 11, 2022: 5.4mg 

Taper is 71% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg and holding.  

Taper is 80% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Thank you @Gridley for the suggested reading. I tell myself a lot that I do not want to play into the thoughts. I do really, really well when I busy most of the time. It's crazy, because I feel like even when I'm doing well I'm still thinking about my recovery in the back of my mind. Like it's constantly playing in my head. I like the idea of the "change channels." I will start working on doing something like that. I have also been looking up books to read for anxiety, which is what started this whole mess. I've always been an anxious person, but after my son was born it turned the dial up to a whole other level. Thank you again for the suggestions and advice.

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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  • Moderator

Dr. Claire Weekes' methods are excellent for dealing with anxiety.

 

The Dr. Claire Weekes Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg 

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Jan. 11, 2022: 5.4mg 

Taper is 71% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg and holding.  

Taper is 80% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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16 minutes ago, Gridley said:

Dr. Claire Weekes' methods are excellent for dealing with anxiety.

 

The Dr. Claire Weekes Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

Yes!! I actually read about her over the weekend when on SA. I have listened to a couple of her youtube videos while driving. I haven't put anything into practice yet, but am planning on starting very soon. Thank you for reminding me :)

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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One of the biggest questions i've had, is do I start counting my official withdrawal from the day I quit all medications? I know being on Wellbutrin will cause it's own symptoms, but being that it's a non SSRI like Zoloft and Lexapro could most of my symptoms still be stemming from the Zoloft CT?  I was on that for the longest period of time (7 months). That's basically what happened. Tapering over a week period is in my eyes cold turkey. I know it sounds silly, It's just that everything really hit the fan when I was off Zoloft for about 2 weeks. It was at it's peak when trialing Lexapro... Now that I have read a little about the neuroemotions, it's helping some. I just find that I am constantly checking forums and reading stories to let myself feel validated in what I'm going through.

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment
  • Moderator

You are in withdrawal once you start having symptoms, whether during a taper or after a CT, not from the day you quit all medications.  Yes, it's very likely that the symptoms you're experiencing are from the Zoloft CT. 

 

Here's some information on withdrawal that should be helpful.

 
 

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg 

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Jan. 11, 2022: 5.4mg 

Taper is 71% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg and holding.  

Taper is 80% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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@Gridley Thank you. So, at this point I've been dealing with symptoms of withdrawal for almost 3 months. I know the windows and waves, I've been experiencing more windows recently. Better functioning through the day and the ability to clean my house and play with my son. I'm also able to interact more with coworkers at work recently. It's been really nice. I definitley have waves throughout the day. Those neuro-emotions getting me down... I'm also enjoying my work again. Being a teacher and going through this has been really difficult. I love my job, but have not been as invested in it during this. Another reason for my guilty feelings. I still feel disconnected most days, like I'm drifting through the motions. It's actually a nice change from where I was mid-March.

 

The link for the symptoms list is extremely helpful. I will be printing it and filling it out daily to see any progress I am making.

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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  • Moderator

You are doing great, RenewedLife.  It is common to be not as invested in things during withdrawal and to feel disconnected.  I certainly deal with it.  Try not to hold it against yourself--it is normal.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg 

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Jan. 11, 2022: 5.4mg 

Taper is 71% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg and holding.  

Taper is 80% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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thank you! I am really fighting to have a positive outlook. I'm just so scared of everything that happened the last 8 months. I worry that I will have horrible withdrawals again months after feeling better and give in. I know what it is now, so I hope that I know more of what to expect. It is absolutely terrifying how our minds can play such nasty tricks on us!

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment

Hello, I'm sorry you are going through this, one thing that has helped me out was going to see a therapist and talking about some of your fears and anxiety. I have found this to be very helpful during my process. I also have had those scary suicidal thoughts but it does get better day by day. I don't know if you are a drinker but I would definitely stay away from alcohol, I know this from experience. Good luck with everything and let me know if you have any questions.

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Thanks @Audrey88!! I actually don’t drink at the moment. I have probably had 5 drinks since this whole cycle started back in August. I’ve read multiple times that it’s not good while going through everything. I actually get some free counseling through my employer, but when I run out it is difficult to go. My insurance does not cover talk therapy until I meet my deductible.... and they raised that this year. It’s really expensive, I know that my health is more important than things, but it is really hard when I have so many other responsibilities. :( I’m really glad I joined this community, because it’s helping me get a lot of things off my chest. It also helps me to speak to people who have gone through all of this before or currently. 

 

The reassurance that I’m getting in terms of the suicidal thoughts slowly diminishing has helped. Some days they seem much stronger than others, although not as strong as they were 3 weeks out from the Zoloft CT.

 

All of this has made me really think about my lifestyle choices in terms of diet and exercise to the point of actually making the changes instead of talking about it! 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

When you're struggling with upsetting thoughts, you could try practising some mindfulness techniques.  That is, you are the observer in your mind and you just watch what is going on - kind of like you're a scientist studying some phenomenon.  The idea is that the observer is objective and does not get involved in the drama or pass any judgment on it.  Your goal is not to try to stop it happening, but just let it happen and accept it instead of getting upset by it. 

 

Many years ago I named the negative voice in my mind the "Doomcloud", and by giving it a name it helped me to feel that this negative voice was not "me".  It's just the mind going in circles ruminating on negative thoughts.  When the Doomcloud started doing its thing, I could just observe it happening and say to myself "oh, there's the Doomcloud again".  This helped immensely to step back from all the negative thoughts and emotions, to be less involved in them, and by getting some distance from them, they felt less intense and not nearly as upsetting or frightening.  Other people come up with their own names for this voice ("Chatterbox", "monkey mind," "demon", or whatever), so maybe making up your own name for it might help you to begin the mindfulness process.

 

Here are some more topics that you may find helpful:

 

non drug techniques to cope with emotional-symptoms

 

dealing with emotional spirals

 

mindfulness and acceptance - especially the second post by JanCarol which has a lot of great tips for dealing with rumination and obsessive thoughts.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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I actually have the headspace app downloaded on my phone. I really need to be using it on a daily basis. I don't have an excuse for that. I get super relaxed for about 10 minutes after and it slowly creeps back. I'm sure that the more consistent I am with it the better it'll be.

 

I had a pretty rough morning this morning. I woke up still tired, but after three mornings of no dry-heaving I defintely made up for it today. I had a little emotional breakdown before leaving for work. I am a little better now. I was able to get myself together before leaving the house. I know it's usually going to be a bad morning if I wake up and don't feel rested. Sleep is probably my number one trigger. If I don't get enough, I'm for sure going to struggle. The pity party was baaaad this morning :(

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment

When I needed to see a therapist to talk about some things about the distressing feelings I had, I found that if you google search for low income counseling in your area that there is a lot of options you might not know about that is available. It was about 15-20$ a session and they really helped me out a lot. I have noticed that each day it does get easier and easier, you just got to be patient. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. Stay strong!

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On 5/10/2018 at 9:48 AM, RenewedLife said:

passive suicidal thoughts

I have this. I have been practicing not entertaining them when they come, not following the thought, changing the channel to another place. (I have a list of happy lines of thinking and memories, people, places to "go to")

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg.

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

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@Audrey88thank you!!! I never thought to do that!! I will start researching to see what I can find! It does help, and I believe that it is very beneficial. I’ve had a good weekend. My doctor recommended tart cherry juice before bed and it has been helping me sleep! 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment
17 minutes ago, DMV64 said:

I have this. I have been practicing not entertaining them when they come, not following the thought, changing the channel to another place. (I have a list of happy lines of thinking and memories, people, places to "go to")

I’ve been working on it!! Thankfully they are not as strong as they once were. The thing that makes me the most upset is KNOWING I did not have these prior to CTing Zoloft in February. They creep in daily still, but I’ve been much better about really giving them the attention.... thank you for the helpful advice!! 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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What is a good solution for headaches? I feel like I’ve had head pressure for the last week. I try to drink as much water and eat as good as I can, nothing really seems to help. I’ve also noticed that when I think about how much it bothers me, my emotions kind of ramp up and my anxiety kicks in.... its hard not to pay attention to it....it’s a never ending cycle... 😞

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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  • 2 weeks later...

Today marks 3 weeks since I have discontinued my Wellbutrin after being on it for 3 1/2 weeks. I have been feeling better, but am still struggling with certain things. I've noticed that when I go outside into the sun or get too warm, my head becomes a little fuzzy and I start getting a headache and trouble concentrating. I was taking 1 anti-nausea pill right before bed because the morning nausea was too much for me to handle. I'm tired, a lot! I'm sleeping really well, but it's difficult to get out of bed and get going in the morning. I've been having heart palpatations this weekend, but realized that I let my diet slip a lot since I started feeling better. I need to get back on track. I am still only taking fish oil, magnesium, and a probiotic. I attempted niacin for a couple of days after reading about its benefits but didn't notice a difference in mood. I have also had somewhat of a short temper recently. I'm just ready to feel better. I've been going through this since the withdrawals started in January, and really kicked up in February when my psychiatrist had me CT off Zoloft. I want my mind and body back. :(

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

Hi RenewedLife,

 

I can imagine that you're tired. Your body is trying to repair itself from the damage caused by the drugs. Please rest as much as you can. 

 

I can definitely understand wanting your brain back! This is a very trying process (massive understatement). I see you being very proactive in a difficult situation. You will make it through. Keep letting us know how you're doing.

Current: 2019: 0.04 mg Paxil!! This is real. Soon, after taking Paxil my entire adult life, I will be free.

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" almost completely off over a month, at doctor's advice in July 2015.

Self-care includes magnesium, reasonable exercise, mindfulness, this forum and nutrition/eating enough food.

Also on 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!! (which I now will have the knowledge to taper properly)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Longer version: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression caused by (undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder.

Doctor kept increasing dose, up to 60 mg; it never really helped but said it really was the best "med" for me.

Rapid doctor-led "taper" July 2015, down to 5 mg, with Zoloft as a "cross-taper" = Essentially a cold turkey. 

Severe withdrawal but didn't know it; believed it was my "underlying condition," and kept tapering, 5mg to 4 to 3  to 2 to 1.  

Feb 2016: Found SA! As of June 2016, tapering from 1mg at rate of 5-10% per month, Brassmonkey Slide! 

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Thank you @SkyBlue. The last couple of days have been a little difficult but not too bad. I keep reading stories on here, and can only imagine the struggle of so many after they have been on these drugs for years. I was only on zoloft for 7 months the first time and 6 months the second and I'm struggling. I don't want to think about what it could be like had I been on the drugs longer. I did actually wake up this morning and told my husband I might have to reinstate a very small amount of zoloft to help me. I've done nothing but want to cry today. It's been right under 3 months since my psychiatrist took me off cold turkey and while I'm getting better, my mornings are just as bad. It's the time of day that I feel most helpless. It's always full of nausea and instant negative thinking as soon as I open my eyes. I feel like I've forgotten what it was like to wake up and actually want to GET up. I usually always have a headache throughout the day and am still getting brain zaps. I'm also SO tired. I feel like I sleep really well, but maybe not getting enough restorative sleep. That could also be from the Lexapro CT after 4 weeks of use. My husband is very supportive and doesn't want me to go back on medication, but at the same time wants me to feel better. The last 10 months has been h**l for us through this journey. He hates hearing me dry heave for the first 10 minutes we are awake. Today is actually my last day of school (I teach 3rd grade) so I'm hoping with the summer that I'll be able to rest enough to start feeling better. I'll also have this time to work on my diet and begin a better workout regimen. I just worry, becuase when I feel down like this sometimes I think it would be easier to reinstate something. I know that's not the case, I never felt great on the drugs anyways. I'm just tired.

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

You're welcome. Hang in there; it does get better. 

Current: 2019: 0.04 mg Paxil!! This is real. Soon, after taking Paxil my entire adult life, I will be free.

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" almost completely off over a month, at doctor's advice in July 2015.

Self-care includes magnesium, reasonable exercise, mindfulness, this forum and nutrition/eating enough food.

Also on 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!! (which I now will have the knowledge to taper properly)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Longer version: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression caused by (undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder.

Doctor kept increasing dose, up to 60 mg; it never really helped but said it really was the best "med" for me.

Rapid doctor-led "taper" July 2015, down to 5 mg, with Zoloft as a "cross-taper" = Essentially a cold turkey. 

Severe withdrawal but didn't know it; believed it was my "underlying condition," and kept tapering, 5mg to 4 to 3  to 2 to 1.  

Feb 2016: Found SA! As of June 2016, tapering from 1mg at rate of 5-10% per month, Brassmonkey Slide! 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I haven't posted in a while because I had been doing pretty decent. I had a really good window, and when that's happening I try not to read too much into all of my symptoms. Getting on here really helps when I need support, or to read stories, but have also noticed that it triggers my anxiety at times. Anyways, I was doing REALLY well. I had a great window the weekend of Memorial Day, we went out of town to see family. That following Tuesday, I had a very difficult time getting out of bed. I cried most of the day until early evening. The rest of the week was decent. I had a work conference I went to and it kept me busy. The weekend was pretty good as well. HOWEVER, Monday hit and it was like an automatic wave came rushing over me. I had serious harm intrusive thoughts and those turned into suicidal thoughts. That persisted for about 2 days. As soon as I woke up, it just started. The symptoms ease in the evening, but  mornings are always bad. Always. I'm sleeping decently and without taking anything. I wake up at about 6, still tired yet full of anxiety so unable to relax. The thoughts weren't as awful this morning, but I have 0 motivation. I just want to be better. This is killing me on the inside. I feel like i'm disconnected and just want to be happy and enjoy my baby. We are having his 2nd birthday party tomorrow and it's also my wedding anniversary and I just feel bleh. No care. NONE. WHY??? I hate this. I called my doctor today, I'm relying on my PCP at the moment. After what I went through with my psychiatrist, I've been terrified. My PCP has been very reassuring. He mentioned Saint John's Wort to help get me through this, but I've read that it could not work, and that it's not recommended on here. I'm just so lost right now. My mornings are near unbearable and I don't feel good enough to do anything until about 2. I'm also not eating and have lost about 6 pounds in the last week. PLEASE, any advice would be great! Thank you!

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment

I have a feeling this is all stemming from my psych pulling me off zoloft in 6 days after 6 months use...Telling myself it's withdrawals in the thick of it doesn't help much though. 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment
  • ChessieCat changed the title to RenewedLife: Looking for reassurance
  • Administrator
17 minutes ago, RenewedLife said:

I have a feeling this is all stemming from my psych pulling me off zoloft in 6 days after 6 months use...Telling myself it's withdrawals in the thick of it doesn't help much though. 

 

Very possibly. If you look around Introductions, you will see many people with prolonged withdrawal syndrome. Your symptom pattern fits that. Healing can be frustratingly slow, with windows and discouraging waves. It looks like you are making progress.

 

Are you still taking magnesium and fish oil?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Renewed Life,

 

I'm just 1 year, getting well, from 8 years of Wellbutrin XL. I too had terrible nausea and the mornings were horrible. They are still bad as far as my general feeling goes. I lost 9 lbs very quickly. I wouldn't even need to get up and out of bed for it to start. As soon as I became coherent, the wave of nausea came over me. It reminded me of my days of early pregnancy. While I am still battling a lot of symptoms, that one has gone away. Try and tell yourself, "this too shall pass and one day, I will wake up and feel normal". I say that with all of my symptoms. We have to keep reminding ourselves that we will be back, healthy and whole. 

 

Take it one day at a time and try not to focus on how much longer will this go on, nor how long it has been. 

 

Stay strong.

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

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Thank you both for responding so quickly. I think I would be decent if it weren't for the suicidal thoughts. Those are the worst for me. I know that it is not something that I want to do, and would definitely seek medical care if I truly thought about it. However, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. When it turns to other family members it really throws me for a loop. @Altostrata yes, I am taking both my supplements still and also take a probiotic. I changed fish oil though last week, it's a cheaper brand, do you think I should go back to the other brand. I was taking Wiley's Finest before, now I am taking Nature's Bounty or something like that. I have also read so many of the introduction stories, my story is very similar. It's scary how similar they all are. I'm lucky to have my husband pushing me to not go back to medication. My head is a lot more clear now, I know that for a fact. It is still such a struggle. @mirageThank you for the encouraging words. I actually tried Wellbutrin, after a failed attempt at Lexapro. It didn't help me. I actually had pretty severe withdrawal from that after only 2 weeks. I'm glad I stopped when I did. I'm just scared that I cannot continue dealing with these thoughts for a year. I could deal with the nausea. I've been dealing with it for a good length of time at this point. The dry heaving gets old, but I had been able to eat up until today. Today I haven't had anything actually at it's 6:30pm here, I'm finally getting a little bit hungry. I'm really trying, it just gets so hard. I believe that we can heal 100% my mind just deceives me quite frequently. Thank you for taking the time to read through and respond to me. It really helps having people who understand what I'm going through. 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment
  • Administrator

How often do you take magnesium, and what kind?

 

Do you get nauseous at any particular time of day, or after eating any particular foods?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

It's mainly in the morning with the nausea. It's typically a 5-10 minutes dry heave and then i'm ok. I haven't noticed getting it after eating any particular foods. I really tried to fix my diet but once my appetite waned I started eating anything I could just to get something down. I take 200 mg of Doctor's Best Chelated Magnesium in the mornings. I tried the natural calm, but I didn't like the taste. I may have to try it again. 

Sept 2016 - March 2017 50 mg Zoloft
Aug 2017 20 mg Prozac (lasted 4 days)
Aug 2017- Feb 27, 2018 75 mg Zoloft
Sept 2017 7.5 mg remeron (2 weeks) 
Feb 27, 2018 - March 30, 2018 - 10 mg Lexapro
March 30, 2018- May 2, 2018 Wellbutrin 150 XL

Link to comment
  • ChessieCat changed the title to RenewedLife: looking for reassurance

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