RenewedLife: looking for reassurance

[ChessieCat]

8 minutes ago, RenewedLife said:

I take 200 mg of Doctor's Best Chelated Magnesium in the mornings.

 

It is better to take magnesium throughout the day:  Magnesium

[RenewedLife]

Thank you. So maybe I could do 100 mg three times a day? In the morning, afternoon, and with dinner? I will also try the natural calm too. I don't want to overdo it though. I may do 100mg in the morning and evening and try to natural calm in the afternoon. 

[SkyBlue]

With magnesium, you can work up gradually to whatever works best for you. Your body will tell you if it's too much (usually stomach upset). So if you're tolerating 200mg magnesium now, you could try 225 or 250. If that works, 275 or 300 (100, 3x/day).

 

The great thing about Natural Calm or any powdered magnesium is that you can easily measure small doses/increments of doses. 

[Altostrata]

Had the morning queasiness changed over the last month?

[mirage]

Renewed Life, I found drinking healthy protein shakes, bananas and toast with whole peanut butter, helped when I was so nauseous. It was the only thing I could get in and keep in. I ate these things throughout the day, every day for months and I mean, months. As it got better, I was able to eat more of a meal later in the day, like 7pm, and at that time, I ate what ever sounded appealing. 

[mirage]

One more thing, I sipped the shakes through a straw. For some reason I could not drink it via the cup or container. I know that sounds like a silly thing, but i'm trying to think of every little detail that helped me and that was one of them. Through this journey, i'm finding that, what appears to be small stuff, is some of the most helpful in getting your through difficult patches. 

[RenewedLife]

@AltostrataThe queasiness and dry heaving have been every morning for the last month. It doesn't matter what I've tried, it's relentless and happens within 20 minutes of me waking up. 

 

@mirageThank you for the advice. I was doing smoothies for a while, but stopped. I've also noticed that drinking from a straw helps me too. I was also eating bananas for while, they seemed to be really easy on my stomach. I did eat a PB and J today and half of a burger at my sons birthday party. 

 

I did end up going in the back room after about 2 hours and haven't really felt good since. There's just a feeling of emptiness that is not letting up. I'm starting to get to a point where I'm telling myself I just have to do what ever makes me feel good again. I'm terrified of everything. I am constantly searching for way to get better, and nothing works. I don't understand why. I mean I know why, but I'm having a really hard time right now. I just want to be happy. 

[mirage]

Renewed Life. I understand. I felt that way as well. I stopped the Wellbutrin, early May of 2017. My symptoms all started about a month after that. I could not eat much of anything during that time and my weight continued to drop.

 

I too, had dark, scary thoughts. Everything scared me, the dark, things on tv, going places, driving. I was sensitive to lights and sound. Severe anxiety. I felt as if someone plugged my entire nervous system into an outlet and zapped me. Prior to this, I have always been an outgoing, healthy and energetic person. I am 53. Married to my high school sweetheart for 32 years and we have raised 4 beautiful kids. While I am still on this journey and still struggle with a lot of symptoms, many of the early ones have gone away and while it is not easy, I am back to doing things each and every day. This will get better for you.

 

When those thoughts came into my head, I told myself, "this is not the real me. My brain is playing tricks on me and I will not give in to it". Know that you are strong and these thoughts are just mixed signals and your brain is trying to figure things out and get back to normal. I know this is hard to do because I was there and I am here to tell you, that part of my journey has cleared up. . I constantly repeat, "I am stronger than this illness and I will beat it". 

 

I hope I can help you in some way. It is very frightening. Just get through one hour at a time. Tell yourself that the next hour may be better and each passing day is new healing and another day toward getting back to a, healthy happy you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[RenewedLife]

Thank you so much @miragefor the continued support. It has been a very difficult one for the past 5 months. It has been an extremely difficult time for me, and especially my family. I wish when my doctor told me to quit my medication so quickly that I would have questioned him.

 

I have actually decided to start a small dose of the zoloft again so that I can try to stabilize. I was trying so hard not to reinstate, but with the increase in suicidal thoughts, constant crying, complete apathy, and absolutely no motivation to live life day to day I decided that I really need to do what I think is best. It was getting to the point that I thought I would have to go to the hospital my thoughts were becoming so bad and obsessive. My husband has been adamant about me not reinstating, but after this last weekend he also feels that I need to do what is best. This whole situation has been a strain on our marriage. I am going to work closely with my doctor. He knows my plan and is supportive of it, which is a nice contrast to the psych I was seeing. I need to be able to have at least some positive outlook on my situation as I was deteriorating very quickly. My plan is to stabilize and then come off the drug very very slowly next time. 

 

I know this isn't ideal, and it's been right at 3 months since my CT but I have to believe there is hope. 

[mirage]

RenewedLife, Try and find a positive in each hour. No matter how small. You have to do what you think is right. This is a difficult journey to walk. It is hard for people to understand. I had to go outside a lot last summer when things were really bad. I would just walk around my yard. I was extremely nauseas and could barely get a protein shake and a piece of toast down in the entire day. 

 

This is difficult on marriage an relationships. The fun, loving people we once were, have been transformed into a, surviving struggling person. It is hard for them to see that and, for me, I know my husband has to get tired of hearing me say how bad I feel or that I had a tough day. He never says that but I have to imagine it would get old. I cant wait for the day when I can say, "I feel great"! That day will come for both of us. 

 

You have to try and remember that you must go forward. Do not look back. No would have, could have, should haves. There is always tomorrow and tomorrow can bring better things. 

[RenewedLife]

Thank you again for your kind words. They really do mean a lot. Choosing to reinstate at a small dose is not something that I decided overnight, believe me. It has been a real struggle for me to actually do it. I tried a couple of times telling myself it would be better, but I would always stop, reminding myself it was just withdrawal. At this point, I know that it's still withdrawal but I have so much I am responsible for that I can no longer go on living my life like an empty shell of a person. If it were just me and my husband, maybe. With a 2 year old who is always wanting to play and do things, I can't justify spending all my time in bed or focused solely on me. What I can do is hopefully reinstate to a dose that I can function again and make life worth living and then get off this horrid drug. I absolutely know my husband is tired of hearing about my struggles, and I can't say I blame him. When he comes home from work and sees me crying everyday or laying in bed half awake, it has to be hard. 

 

One of my biggest problems has always been dwelling on the past. I'm just beginning to learn that we have to keep moving forward no matter what the circumstance. It really means a lot to me that you have taken the time to write me and give me encouragement and hope through this. 

[mirage]

I understand your need to reinstate. When you feel so bad you become desperate to be well again. I am fortunate to have all of my kids grown. You have to think about your 2 year old and do what is best for your family. 

 

No matter what your past is, it is just that...in the past. You are living now. Forgive what has been and plan on what will be. 

 

 

[mirage]

Hi RenewedLife. Just checking in to see how you are doing. Did you reinstate and has it helped relieve some of your symptoms?

[RenewedLife]

Thank you @mirage for checking in on me. I did decided to reinstate last Tuesday and it has been going well.I haven't rid myself of the nausea and lack of appetite, but the suicidal thoughts have been greatly reduced which is really nice. I am also able to get up and do stuff when needed as opposed to wanting to lay in bed constantly. I'm hoping that once I'm stable for a bit, I will be able to taper off the medication properly!! That is the plan!!! It absolutely floors me though that these medications can cause such havoc on our bodies.

[mirage]

So glad to hear the reinstatement gave you some relief RenewedLife. This is a tough road to travel so any symptoms that can be gone, helps. I'll pray that the nausea goes away and you get your appetite back. 

 

 

[RenewedLife]

I have not posted in a long while. It has been a heck of a 10 month ride for me. I ended up reinstating my Zoloft and going back to 75mg and my remeron at 7.5mg. I finally leveled out and have been doing well at those dosages for quite some time. 

 

Last time I posted I decided to reinstate. unbeknownst to me I was newly pregnant. So in the last 10 months I have been dealing with that and am now 2 months postpartum. I know it is not great to be on medication during pregnancy, but I would not have made it through without. I now know that all of the issues I was dealing with prior were absolutely hormone based and I wish I could have kept from reinstating but here I am. I can only go forward from here. 

 

Now that I have made it through all of that, and my new son is doing well, I plan on slowly tapering my remeron soon. I put on 65 pounds during my pregnancy and have lost 30 of it, but the rest has not budged even with a low carb diet. I would actually like to fit in my old clothes and keep from having to buy a new wardrobe haha. 

 

I have been been lurking here again recently and have been creating a tapering process that will be painfully slow, but hopefully keep me from any withdrawal symptoms. I need to be able to function in order to take care of my kiddos and enjoy my job (teacher). I hope everything works out ok, but know that if I have questions this is the best place to find some great suggestions and support! 

[RenewedLife]

Hello all, has anyone found that they are more tire in the morning after switching over to a liquid form or mitt? I’m usually good once I get around l, but man! I am dragging when I wasn’t before. I have fully switched over from the tablet to liquid and last night was my first night of 7mg instead of 7.5! 

[RenewedLife]

It’s been a long while since having posted to update my thread. I need to also login on an actual computer to update my signature at the bottom. The last post I mentioned I had mentioned dropping to 7mg of mirtazapine from 7.5. I want to say that I have successfully tapered to 4.2 since then and continue to do well. I am still holding at 75mg of Zoloft and don’t really plan on messing with that until I am fully off of the mirtazapine. I’m not willing to sacrifice how well I’ve been doing in order to get off the medication quickly.... I will go as slow as needed. I’ve also stuck to a strict low carb diet and feel as if that has been an aiding factor in how well I’ve been doing. Will continue to update occasionally as I do enjoy coming here to see the progress people are making with their tapers.
 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @RenewedLife How are you doing?

[RenewedLife]

Hi @Altostrata, I'm doing well. I have occasionally been on the site, but have not written anything as I've been stable. I ended up going back to 75mg of Zoloft and 7.5mg of Mirtazapine. With the pregnancy and getting back to work, I was desperate to make sure I was capable of doing what was necessary. Since then, I've given birth to a baby boy who is just about 18 months old. After he turned about 4 months I began slowly lowering my dose of Mirtazapine and have gone from 7.5 to 4.4. I'm in no rush to make major changes like the ones I made when initially coming off the medication. My husband and I often refer to it as our lost year. it's sad, but it is 100% true. I did drop the psychologist I was seeing at that time and found a wonderful place that dealt specifically with everything I was going through and they were wonderful. The psych there has been very encouraging on my slow attempt to get off the medication. 

 

So, good. haha. But slowly working on getting off the meds. Taking my time and only making very small changes when I feel I can handle it. Which, may be like a lot of people, I have not made any changes since Covid. 

 

Thank you for checking in, I truly appreciate it. Everything you and the mods are working to do with individuals who are struggling is what helped me realize it wasn't all just in my head! I am thankful for you all!

 

 

[Altostrata]

Thanks for posting, Renewed. Why did you choose to go off mirtazapine first?

[RenewedLife]

@Altostrata because of the weight gain that is associated with it. I had been doing it for a period of time and actually read On this site where one of the mods suggested tapering your non-sleep aid meds first. Since that time, which was around the time Covid hit, I haven’t lowered my remeron. I have considered slowly starting my taper of Zoloft at some point in the near future and holding my remeron for the time being.

[Altostrata]

Mirtazapine is famous for weight gain.

 

Please do let us know how you're doing from time to time.

 

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