IanM: introduction

[Spideygsm]

Powerback

 

Knowbody has any idea how a person with any mental illness feels. We go out trying our best to put on a happy face. Inwardly, we’re in tourmoil. I swim everyday for survival. People see the scars on my arms from self harm (did something as recent as 2 weeks ago) and I know (or feel) I’m being judged. It makes people stay away from me. That I in turn just builds my anger. I try not to share these type of experiences because I don’t want to give people ideas. 

 

I know exactly how IanM feels. I’ve been there and have found coping mechanisms. In 2 hours I’m going to my weekly Cognitive Therapy Process therapy sessions. It was really difficult for me to start because I put up a roadblock to people. It helps. Just leaving the house takes every bit of energy I have. It’s painful, I don’t want to go, I’m scared, I feel judged, I get really bad anxiety etc.

 

I don’t sugar coat or downplay the effort it takes to get off drugs. I will honestly tell everybody (especially IanM) it’s worth it. I’m not drug free and may never be (I’m still working at it). However, I’ve found coping mechanisms that help ME. There are countless things to do to cope. Sitting home feeling sorry for myself does nothing but make things worse.

 

Lastly, putting a timeline on things doesn’t do any good either because every person is different, how much one took and how long they took the drug all have influence. Better to find something to do to cope, cherish that time of relief, and stay on track. Never think I have “X” time to go. It may be sooner or may last longer.

 

 

[powerback]

2 minutes ago, Spideygsm said:

Powerback

 

Knowbody has any idea how a person with any mental illness feels. We go out trying our best to put on a happy face. Inwardly, we’re in tourmoil. I swim everyday for survival. People see the scars on my arms from self harm (did something as recent as 2 weeks ago) and I know (or feel) I’m being judged. It makes people stay away from me. That I in turn just builds my anger. I try not to share these type of experiences because I don’t want to give people ideas. 

 

I know exactly how IanM feels. I’ve been there and have found coping mechanisms. In 2 hours I’m going to my weekly Cognitive Therapy Process therapy sessions. It was really difficult for me to start because I put up a roadblock to people. It helps. Just leaving the house takes every bit of energy I have. It’s painful, I don’t want to go, I’m scared, I feel judged, I get really bad anxiety etc.

 

I don’t sugar coat or downplay the effort it takes to get off drugs. I will honestly tell everybody (especially IanM) it’s worth it. I’m not drug free and may never be (I’m still working at it). However, I’ve found coping mechanisms that help ME. There are countless things to do to cope. Sitting home feeling sorry for myself does nothing but make things worse.

 

Lastly, putting a timeline on things doesn’t do any good either because every person is different, how much one took and how long they took the drug all have influence. Better to find something to do to cope, cherish that time of relief, and stay on track. Never think I have “X” time to go. It may be sooner or may last longer.

 

 

I agree spideygsm with a lot you say .before this happened to me I was that person that judged because I became what was done to me and its left its mark on me ,I will never be the same way again and that's a good thing ,because ile be dam thankful for what I've got when the worst of this mess is over .

I believe drugs numb a person in a lot of damaging ways that are not understood for many years .

Respect to you and nice to have met you . 

[powerback]

10 minutes ago, IanM said:

I am slipping down again, and am getting terrified. The downturn has started 4 hours earlier than yesterday. I don't know what is causing this, but it's intolerable. It's gotta be the lamotrigine, as this constant battle in my mind began shortly after starting that drug some three months ago. 

 

I'm seriously considering doing a rapid taper off the drug, perhaps over the course of 10 days. I've been on 9.375mg since October 8, previously at 12.5mg for 2.5 months. If I halve that for 10 days, then discontinue it, maybe I'll get relief from this madness. I can't feel any worse than where I know I'm heading right now, so what's the difference?

 

I've read several stories elsewhere that indicate getting off this drug is easy, comparatively. 

 

Will you guys still offer me support if I do this against your usual recommendations?

Im not a mod Ian but I wouldn't suggest a cold turkey ,youl end up in hospital and what solution have they got ,your in an extreme panic/anxiety state .don't waste your energy trying to work out what's caused it ,just work on passing this wave/storm for now ,you need to change the channel ,IE distract ,go and dunk your head in cold water or stand under a warm shower ,breath and try and relax .our minds are very powerful .

Ide stick to advice of the mods ,they've been through it all .

Youl be ok ,believe this .

 

[IanM]

Hi power back. I am definitely not in an extreme panic/anxiety state. I am in a near psychosis state, but with full awareness that that's what is happening.

 

Going out of the house to do something is so far from an option for me that I dismiss it out of hand. I can barely step out my front door to get the mail.

[powerback]

15 minutes ago, IanM said:

Hi power back. I am definitely not in an extreme panic/anxiety state. I am in a near psychosis state, but with full awareness that that's what is happening.

 

Going out of the house to do something is so far from an option for me that I dismiss it out of hand. I can barely step out my front door to get the mail.

Nor should you go out  if your in this state .I hate the days when if someone even looks at me and my mind imagines there angry at me or judging me .paranoia its horrible but im getting better at telling myself im a human being and  worthy of the same self respect as everyone else.

Ile end my waffle and respectfully leave you  be to rest .

Take care Ian . 

[IanM]

I have not rallied at all today. Terrifying ordeal. Been painfully locked inside my head all day.

 

Holding out hope that my brain will come back to a more survivable state tonight, just as it did last night, but not counting on it.

[Altostrata]

7 hours ago, IanM said:

Daily journal for Oct. 22, 2018:

 

8am - 2.5mg olanzapine, 100mg gabapentin, 0.0625mg klonopin. Brain dysfunction, DP/DR, bleak.

9:30am - breakfast.

- whole morning spent on the couch or in bed.

- brain dysfunction continues. Afraid of how my thought processes are working.

1pm - light lunch.

1:30pm - tooth ache, took one tylenol.

- whole afternoon spent on couch, surviving brain dysfunction.

2:40pm - brain dysfunction begins to get really bad. Deep, dark blackness. Very frightening.

- brain dysfunction waxes and wanes, but mostly so awful it's unbearable. Holed up in bedroom just barely surviving.

~4:30pm - brain dysfunction lifts enough to allow me to return to couch.

5pm - 9.375mg lamotrigine, 100mg gabapentin.

6pm - 0.0625mg klonopin. Working towards 8pm.

6:15pm - dinner.

- evening spent on couch, wife watching netflix, I can't watch due to fear of it, so put on headphones and watch british comedy. Brain dysfunction waxes and wanes, but does not become disasterous.

9:30pm - in bed, watch british comedy.

1am - asleep.

5:30am - awake to anxiety/cortisol rush. Stays with me until 7am, lessens when I move to couch. Go back to bed at 9am, close my eyes, and within 10 minutes the whole-body anxiety returns. I stew in it for an hour...it cripples me. Get back up and move to couch.

 

5 hours ago, IanM said:

I am slipping down again, and am getting terrified. The downturn has started 4 hours earlier than yesterday.

 

What do you mean by downturn? What time of day did this happen? Where are you with the benzo dosing?

 

Still need your DAILY notes every day. Please do not report a symptom change without the context of when it occurred and your dosing status.

 

Since you're moving the Klonopin, it would be unwise to change another drug as well. You won't know what's causing symptom changes, if any.

 

I'm sure taking a substantial dosage of lamotrigine might have caused an identifiable adverse reaction, but you were also inconsistent with your benzo dosing at the same time (and since). You've also changed the other drugs. Your drug cocktail is very strange. Please stop blaming the side effects -- "brain dysfunction" -- on one drug.

 

Please remind yourself that when you get a surge in symptoms they will change soon. You've gone through this cycle several times in 4 pages.

 

If anything, your "brain dysfunction" seems more closely related to the bunch of drugs you take in the morning, including olanzapine, not your evening lamotrigine.

 

What has the gabapentin done for you since you started taking it in June.

[IanM]

41 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

What do you mean by downturn? What time of day did this happen? Where are you with the benzo dosing?

It means my brain starts to disfunction in a way I can't describe. It's life threatening. It started at about 11am today compared to about 3pm yesterday. Hasn't let up. It's 6:40pm here. Benzo: I'm taking 0.0625mg at 8am and same amount at 7pm.

 

41 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Still need your DAILY notes every day.

How would I go about tabulating notes into a single post as my day progresses? I assume this is what you're asking for? I thought the ability to edit an existing post expired after a short while.

 

42 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

What has the gabapentin done for you since you started taking it in June.

I don't think it has done anything, but my mind is so destroyed I can't really say for sure. Note that I started taking it long before June...I just don't have records from months before that.

 

This is brutal and cruel.

[IanM]

@Altostrata The two journal entries I have done already were for the day before at the time of writing. I keep track of events for a day, and post the full accounting the next day. Is this not appropriate?

[ChessieCat]

7 minutes ago, IanM said:

How would I go about tabulating notes into a single post as my day progresses? I assume this is what you're asking for? I thought the ability to edit an existing post expired after a short while.

 

You write them on paper or in a document on the computer and then post a complete day in one go.

[IanM]

Just now, ChessieCat said:

 

You write them on paper or in a document on the computer and then post a complete day in one go.

Which is what I've already done, so Im not sure why I'm being asked to do it. Please see my follow-up post to altostrata.

 

I'm barely holding it together right now... I will do my best to answer posts. Typing is excruciating...sorry.

 

Thanks all.

[Altostrata]

13 minutes ago, IanM said:

It started at about 11am today compared to about 3pm yesterday

 

I'm not asking you to do it again. I need the time of day information whenever you report a symptom change, and I need to see it in the context of when you've taken your drugs that day.

[IanM]

2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

I'm not asking you to do it again. I need the time of day information whenever you report a symptom change, and I need to see it in the context of when you've taken your drugs that day.

I honestly don't believe there is any correlation between drug intake time and symptom changes. The symptom change times are random.

 

I simply believe I have completely destroyed my brain chemistry from all the dose changes I've done with all 4 drugs over the past many months. It feels hopeless...

[IanM]

I need to hunker down and get through tonight, and prepare myself mentally (an impossibility, really) for my 10am dentist appointment tomorrow. It will be the first time I've been out if the house in over three weeks. I will be taking extra benzo before the appointment -- not sure how much yet. -- but I'm afraid I'm going to completely melt down in the chair. If you're the praying type, please pray for me...

 

[IanM]

Assuming I don't cancel, tomorrows pre-dentist updosing of klonopin might be an interesting experiment. If it makes my crazy mind settle down, then maybe it can be stated that it's the benzo causing my brain dysfunction.

[IanM]

Dentist at 10am. Very anxious about going outside...first time in three weeks. I took a full 0.25mg of Klonopin at 8am, along with my other drugs (2.5mg Olanzapine and 100mg gabapentin).

[powerback]

12 minutes ago, IanM said:

Dentist at 10am. Very anxious about going outside...first time in three weeks. I took a full 0.25mg of Klonopin at 8am, along with my other drugs (2.5mg Olanzapine and 100mg gabapentin).

Kudos Ian ,youl be ok ,just think of a relaxing evening after dentist .👍

[Altostrata]

14 hours ago, IanM said:

I honestly don't believe there is any correlation between drug intake time and symptom changes. The symptom change times are random.

 

I simply believe I have completely destroyed my brain chemistry from all the dose changes I've done with all 4 drugs over the past many months. It feels hopeless...

 

If you refuse to divulge your drug and symptom pattern, we can't help you here. Unlike your doctors, we make suggestions based on what's actually going on with you.

 

Please consider whether for deeper reasons you wish to remain in this hopeless state and continue to injure yourself.

[IanM]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

If you refuse to divulge your drug and symptom pattern, we can't help you here. Unlike your doctors, we make suggestions based on what's actually going on with you.

 

Please consider whether for deeper reasons you wish to remain in this hopeless state and continue to injure yourself.

Hi Altostrata,

 

Respectfully, I continue to be baffled by your repeated requests for me to provide my drug and symptom pattern, as I have done so twice already in the format requested by @ChessieCat. I posted all info for Oct 21st and Oct 22nd. I have not yet done Oct 23, as I had a dentist appointment to get thru. I am simply not sure what it is I need to be doing. And I absolutely do NOT wish to be in a near suicidal state, day after day.

[IanM]

Daily journal for Oct. 23, 2018:

 

8am - 2.5mg olanzapine, 100mg gabapentin, 0.0625mg klonopin. Brain dysfunction, DP/DR, bleak.

 

8:30 - light breakfast

 

-morning spent on the couch.

 

11am - severe brain 'dysfunction' starting. Retreating to bedroom.

 

- severe brain dysfunction continues. Afraid of how my thought processes are working.

 

- no lunch, afraid to move.

 

- afternoon spent alternating between bed and couch. Severe brain dysfunction continues.

 

3:30pm - bad headache, took one Tylenol.

 

5pm - 9.375mg lamotrigine, 100mg gabapentin.

 

6pm - took another Tylenol for continuing headache. May be due to 3 bad teeth.

 

6:30 - managed to eat light dinner.

 

7pm - 0.0625mg klonopin. Working towards 8pm.

 

- evening spent on couch, wife watching netflix, I can't watch due to fear of it, so put on headphones and watch british comedy. Brain dysfunction severe all night.

 

9:30pm - in bed, watch british comedy.

 

10:30pm - asleep.

 

3:30am - awake to pleasant dreams, but have anxiety/cortisol rush anyway. Stays with me until 8am, get up and move to couch. 

Edited October 24, 2018 by IanM
Date mixed up

[IanM]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

If you refuse to divulge your drug and symptom pattern, we can't help you here. Unlike your doctors, we make suggestions based on what's actually going on with you.

Altostrata,

I just posted my daily journal for Oct 23 (yesterday). Could you please let me know if this is not 'correct'? Thank you.

Edited October 24, 2018 by IanM
Date mixed up

[Altostrata]

Do not copy your symptom pattern from day to day. We need to know of any changes.

 

Respectfully, do not allow your assumption that nothing will change to affect accurate reporting of your symptoms.

 

How has your symptom pattern from wake-up to noon changed over the last few days? Better, worse, the same?

 

Do you feel any effect from moving the nighttime Klonopin?

 

[IanM]

29 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Do not copy your symptom pattern from day to day. We need to know of any changes.

 

Respectfully, do not allow your assumption that nothing will change to affect accurate reporting of your symptoms.

 

How has your symptom pattern from wake-up to noon changed over the last few days? Better, worse, the same?

 

Do you feel any effect from moving the nighttime Klonopin?

 

The only thing that changes from day to day is the time, duration and severity of the indescribable distress in my brain. My drug regimen stays the same every day. How should I report this information in a way that is helpful to you? I have been copying the general 'template' that I was given by someone else, so if it is not appropriate, please let me know.

 

I am sure I have reported my symptoms accurately in the three journals I've posted so far. They all look the same because they are basically the same, with the exception of times.

 

My symptom pattern from wake-up to noon has slightly changed in that my brain distress starts at different times, but the level of distress remains the same. Those times are listed in the journal.

 

I have felt no effect from moving the Klonopin.

 

I hope this makes sense.

 

Thanks.

[Altostrata]

1 minute ago, IanM said:

The only thing that changes from day to day is the time, duration and severity of the indescribable distress

 

Include this in your daily symptom notes.

 

After you finish moving the Klonopin to 8 p.m., we need to have at least 4 days of notes to see what it does.

 

Is your usual bedtime around 10 p.m.?

 

We need to separate the drugs you take all at once at 8 a.m. in the morning. That is what's causing your "brain dysfunction." It's most likely the olanzapine.

[IanM]

21 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

Include this in your daily symptom notes.

 

After you finish moving the Klonopin to 8 p.m., we need to have at least 4 days of notes to see what it does.

 

Is your usual bedtime around 10 p.m.?

 

We need to separate the drugs you take all at once at 8 a.m. in the morning. That is what's causing your "brain dysfunction." It's most likely the olanzapine.

 

I usually go to bed between 9:30 and 10:00 p.m.. It's a crap-shoot as to what time I fall asleep...it varies from 10:30 p.m. to 2:00 a.m. No explanation that I can discern for the differences.

[IanM]

On 10/23/2018 at 10:05 AM, manymoretodays said:

Ian,

What we need to see,

is this kind of drug and symptom journal:

6 a.m. Woke and vomited
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Had diarrhea
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Stomachache
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Headache got worse
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke with headache

(this is just a sample ^)

Note the day.  Time on the left.  Drugs by name, dosages, symptoms on the right.  A bit more specific than drugs at 8am and 5pm, and brain dysfunction waxing and waning throughout the day.  Yet, keep it simple too.  Pick a good time of day, and give it your best try.

I mean I get it......how hard it can be to do the very simple.

Here's the link too:  Drug and symptom journal

You reported a moment last night.......of the darkness lifting!  Yay!

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Some will just do a rating scale, say for anxiety on a scale of 1-10, 1 could be for very low-almost non existent, and then 10 for out of this world freaking out. 

Just like that.

Thank you, mmt. Could you please suggest to me how I might show day-to-day changes, as they pertain to symptoms, using the above format? I've been asked to do this. I genuinely can't think of a way to do it.

[sunnylou]

Hi. I have read 3 out of 4 pages of your thread. I just had terrible withdrawals from tapering Gabapentin too quick including the intense burning.  I didn't know the meaning of depression until in depths of despair of Gabapentin WD.I went all the way back up from 300mg to 900mg but it took 6 weeks to work again. I have tapered off a few things but that was disturbing.Also Ga apentin is a tid mediction meaning it should be taken 3 times a day evenly spaced out. 

[IanM]

I would like to report on my 10 a.m. dentist appointment this morning, in particular about what I did with my drugs in an effort to survive it. I did not want my brain to go into serious dysfunction while lying in the chair, so I decided to gamble and change up my drugs. Here's what I did:

 

My usual 8 a.m. drug regimen is:

2.5mg olanzapine

100mg gabapentin

0.0625mg klonopin

 

I semi-reasoned that it is perhaps the olanzapine causing me distress, and I also knew I would need more Klonopin to even be able to go outside, so I took the following:

 

NO olanazapine

100mg gabapentin

0.0625mg + 0.25mg Klonopin.

 

I was anxious in the lead-up to the appointment, but I got there OK and was (relatively) fine for the roughly two hour session. 

 

After I got home, I took 1/2 of my usual dose of olanzapine at 12:30 p.m. It is currently 3:45 p.m. here, and while I still feel very weird, restless and uncertain with my mind, I haven't yet dropped into the indescribable abyss. I intend to take the other half of olanzapine at 5 p.m.. I will go back on my usual dosing schedule tomorrow.

 

So I now have to wonder if it's the extra 0.25mg of Klonopin that is the difference between survivable and nearly unsurvivable brain function?

Edited October 24, 2018 by IanM
Missed very important details, re: Olanzapine.

[IanM]

41 minutes ago, sunnylou said:

Hi. I have read 3 out of 4 pages of your thread. I just had terrible withdrawals from tapering Gabapentin too quick including the intense burning.  I didn't know the meaning of depression until in depths of despair of Gabapentin WD.I went all the way back up from 300mg to 900mg but it took 6 weeks to work again. I have tapered off a few things but that was disturbing.Also Ga apentin is a tid mediction meaning it should be taken 3 times a day evenly spaced out. 

Hi sunny. Sorry to hear about your troubles with gabapentin. Did you have the burning before the gabapentin, or only when you reduced it to 300mg from some higher dose? Did the burning go away after going back up to 900mg? Did the burning go away with movement (mine does)?

 

 It has never occurred to me that my muscle burning could be caused by gabapentin withdrawals. I am only taking 200mg, and since the smallest size it comes in is 100mg (I think), it would be too hard to do a TID dosing. 

 

[manymoretodays]

4 hours ago, IanM said:

Thank you, mmt. Could you please suggest to me how I might show day-to-day changes, as they pertain to symptoms, using the above format? I've been asked to do this. I genuinely can't think of a way to do it.

 

3 hours ago, IanM said:

I would like to report on my 10 a.m. dentist appointment this morning, in particular about what I did with my drugs in an effort to survive it. I did not want my brain to go into serious dysfunction while lying in the chair, so I decided to gamble and change up my drugs. Here's what I did:

 

My usual 8 a.m. drug regimen is:

2.5mg olanzapine

100mg gabapentin

0.0625mg klonopin

 

I semi-reasoned that it is perhaps the olanzapine causing me distress, and I also knew I would need more Klonopin to even be able to go outside, so I took the following:

 

NO olanazapine

100mg gabapentin

0.0625mg + 0.25mg Klonopin.

 

I was anxious in the lead-up to the appointment, but I got there OK and was (relatively) fine for the roughly two hour session. 

 

After I got home, I took 1/2 of my usual dose of olanzapine at 12:30 p.m. It is currently 3:45 p.m. here, and while I still feel very weird, restless and uncertain with my mind, I haven't yet dropped into the indescribable abyss. I intend to take the other half of olanzapine at 5 p.m.. I will go back on my usual dosing schedule tomorrow.

 

So I now have to wonder if it's the extra 0.25mg of Klonopin that is the difference between survivable and nearly unsurvivable brain function?

 

How to do a drug and symptom journal from the above^

Wednesday, 24 October

6am woke up, anxiety about dentist appointment, an 8 on a scale of 1-10 (1 =anxiety low, almost non existent,  10= freaking out, can't breathe)

8am held on olanzapine, gabapentin 100 mg, klonopin 0.0625 mg + 0.25 mg (took extra today)

time at dentist(you didn't state)  felt pretty good

12:30 pm olanzapine (need dose listed here in mg, not 1/2 of usual dose, you could briefly include in parentheses, that it is a change from usual or 1/2 usual dose, but we need to see the dose in mg!!)

3:45 pm feel very weird, restless, and uncertain with my mind,  dark mood improved today at this time

5:00 pm  olanzapine, (note the dose taken in mg)

include the rest of the day, also meals and eating, sleeping, any other night time medication(s), dosages in mg, and symptoms, in the above format that I adapted from your more narrative version.  We usually ask you to include any supplements taken as well.  Take another look at the sample drug and symptom journal that I gave you, if that helps.

 

You don't have to post it in lavender either IanM.  That's just a sample of how to do it.  And may not be totally correct.

Looking forward to your posting of the whole day, today, October 24th, tomorrow in this format.

 

Your other narratives and analysis of your medication can go separate from the format.  Even in another post.  The format makes it a whole lot easier to get a picture of your whole medication regimen, and symptoms.  And really helps when Alto, Shep, or another mod comes by to have a look see, and make some suggests or give advice.  It's just simpler and more exact to view than trying to tease information out of narratives, like your post was done.

 

Do you follow?

Now we need to see some further consistency of reporting. Each and every day.

You can do this IanM.......you are getting close to what we are asking for.

You can voice your ideas and opinions separately, in a separate post or following your drug and symptom journal log.

Yes, try and get back to your regular dosing and follow any previous suggestions, as to your dosing. 

That will help your poor CNS.  The CNS really likes stability.  It's not good to do changes on a whim. 

Okay......thanks.

 

Best, Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

Edited October 25, 2018 by manymoretodays
detailing

[IanM]

27 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

 

 

How to do a drug and symptom journal from the above^

Wednesday, 24 October

6am woke up, anxiety about dentist appointment, an 8 on a scale of 1-10 (1 =anxiety low, almost non existent,  10= freaking out, can't breathe)

8am held on olanzapine, gabapentin 100 mg, klonopin 0.0625 mg + 0.25 mg (took extra today)

time at dentist(you didn't state)  felt pretty good

12:30 pm olanzapine (need dose listed here in mg, not 1/2 of usual dose)

3:45 pm feel very weird, restless, and uncertain with my mind,  dark mood improved today at this time

5:00 pm  olanzapine, (note the dose taken in mg)

include the rest of the day, eating, sleeping, any other night time medication(s), dosages in mg, and symptoms, in the above format that I adapted from your more narrative version.  We usually ask you to include any supplements taken as well.

 

You don't have to post it in lavender either IanM.  That's just a sample of how to do it.  And may not be totally correct.

Looking forward to your posting of the whole day, today, October 24th, tomorrow in this format.

 

Your other narratives and analysis of your medication can go separate from the format.  Even in another post.  The format makes it a whole lot easier to get a picture of your whole medication regimen, and symptoms.  And really helps when Alto, Shep, or another mod comes by to have a look see, and make some suggests or give advice.  It's just simpler and more exact to view than trying to tease information out of narratives, like your post was done.

 

Do you follow?

Now we need to see some further consistency of reporting. Each and every day.

You can do this IanM.......you are getting close to what we are asking for.

You can voice your ideas and opinions separately, in a separate post or following your drug and symptom journal log.

Yes, try and get back to your regular dosing and follow any previous suggestions, as to your dosing. 

That will help your poor CNS.  The CNS really likes stability.  It's not good to do changes on a whim. 

Okay......thanks.

 

Best, Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

I think I got it, thanks. For tomorrow's post, I will be copying your sample almost verbatim. And adding other stuff in and around it.

Thanks again for taking the time to do this.

 

[manymoretodays]

Great.  Glad I could help. 

Yes,  but add in your own words, and make some rating scales on symptoms that are often reoccurring.  Then you can just rate intensities of symptoms at different times of the day.

Keep it all fairly simple, time, drug, dose, symptom.

Get some rest.

[IanM]

It's a 99.9% certainty that my ability to survive yesterday was due to my increase of klonopin. Instead of my usual 0.125mg for a day, I took 0.125mg + 0.25mg. It was the difference between life and death. I think my brain dysfunction is driven almost completely by klonopin withdrawal, perhaps exacerbated by the other drugs I'm taking too.

I'm taking extra klonopin again today. I'm calling it a reinstatement.

Edited October 25, 2018 by IanM
Clarity.

[IanM]

I'm also going to move my 2.5mg olanzapine dose to noon, just like I did yesterday. Basically, I want and NEED more days like yesterday, wherein I am not in danger of commiting the final act. Even though I was extremely ill, I could at least survive the day.

 

I will make my best effort to post my journal for yesterday, but I feeling pretty much fully crippled from a horrendous awakening this morning, so I may not get to it for a while.

[IanM]

.

Daily journal, Wednesday, 24 October

 

3:30am woke up, generalized anxiety,, 6 on a scale of 1-10 (1 = low, 10 = severe). Brain dysfunction 5/10.

8am held on olanzapine, gabapentin 100 mg, klonopin 0.0625 mg + 0.25 mg (took extra for denist).

10am-12pm - dentist, anxiety 0/10, brain dysfunction 4/10.

12:30pm - 1.25mg olanzapine, half of skipped morning dose.

1pm - lunch.

3:30pm - teeth aching. Took one tylenol.

3:45pm - feel very weird, restless, and uncertain with my mind,  but brain dysfunction at about 6/10, versus 9/10 previous days.

5:00pm  - 1.25mg olanzapine, second half of my usual dose. 100mg gabapentin. 9.375mg lamotriine. 

6pm - dinner.

8pm - 0.0625mg klonopin.

Evening anxiety 0/10, brain dysfunction 6/10. Markedly better than last night.

9:30pm - in bed, asleep by 11pm. Anxiety in bed 2/10, probably due to realization that I have to face another day tomorrow.

[Altostrata]

On 10/24/2018 at 3:47 PM, IanM said:

After I got home, I took 1/2 of my usual dose of olanzapine at 12:30 p.m. It is currently 3:45 p.m. here, and while I still feel very weird, restless and uncertain with my mind, I haven't yet dropped into the indescribable abyss. I intend to take the other half of olanzapine at 5 p.m.. I will go back on my usual dosing schedule tomorrow.

 

So I now have to wonder if it's the extra 0.25mg of Klonopin that is the difference between survivable and nearly unsurvivable brain function?

 

11 hours ago, IanM said:

It's a 99.9% certainty that my ability to survive yesterday was due to my increase of klonopin. Instead of my usual 0.125mg for a day, I took 0.125mg + 0.25mg. It was the difference between life and death. I think my brain dysfunction is driven almost completely by klonopin withdrawal, perhaps exacerbated by the other drugs I'm taking too.

I'm taking extra klonopin again today. I'm calling it a reinstatement.

 

Really, Ian? The answer is take more Klonopin?

 

I am not surprised that, having changed two drugs at once WHILE KNOWING THE PROBLEM IS PROBABLY OLANZAPINE, you instead attribute any improvement to taking more Klonopin (rather than the change in olanzapine), and that justifies your increase of Klonopin.

 

I am not surprised because that is exactly how someone who has a tendency to seek drugs and is probably fully addicted to Klonopin would think. You are well aware that Klonopin is an addictive drug, are you not?

 

You can call it reinstatement if you want. I call it the logic of an addict. You are very fond of mixing up and augmenting your own drug cocktail. My impression is you make your own problems.

 

Good to hear you're feeling better. Not sure we can do anything for you here -- the mission of this site is to reduce drugs, not increase them.