Anubhav: Lexapro cold turkey

[sadandconfused]

On 7/13/2018 at 9:19 AM, Junglechicken said:

 

I know the feeling, terrible mood swings puts a lot of pressure on a relationship.

 

I'm up and down like a yo yo.

 

Yes it definitely does! My boyfriend has made it perfectly clear that he's sick of waiting because of these pills. Even though this isn't my fault, I completely understand where he's coming from. I don't wanna lose him and it's so scary not knowing what the future holds, when two years ago all I wanted was to marry him and start a family. 

 

Anyway, I hope you're doing okay! 

[Anubhav]

Okay this is going to be a big reply.....I need some help.... So here's the thing

Okay I quit my escitalopram 5mg in December, everything was fine till in February I had an argument with my gf, I was ignoring her so she decided to get my attention by putting a status that she's Going on for a date with some other guy and I reacted in a very rude way guess that's what these pills make you do

 

So she blocked me, that's when it got hit in my head bam.... I started panicking felt like everything is moving away 

So I got emotional and she said she needs some time, I said okay, then we started talking again on phone... Things were getting good but I was kinda feeling nervous, so every now and then I used to msg her whether she wants to stay or leave, she said not to eat her head as she has already said she needs time but still we were talking on phone it was okay, I was sleeping well, eating well

Then in March I told one of my friend that how my relationship is going she said to meet my gf and sort out the things, then I messaged my gf and told her that I talked to one of my friend and ol..... But here's the thing my gf went to other state last year for her BSc in nursing, so I couldn't meet her.... Then my gf said everything that is happening is happening because of me the way I behaved ND ol which I think she was right about because I did behave in a very rude manner to her in November and December not giving her time, was busy with my own things Nd one thing I noticed while on these pills I always used to think about future, doing many stuffs at a time like I decided to try in acting but after few months I began learning direction, photography, script writing... I never stayed at one thing

Anyway then I asked my gf again on whatsapp wt she wants to do, she said we should separate our paths, as she doesn't feels the same way and ol.... Then again bam I started panicking, crying, I called her and she said it's over, move on and she cut the phone and blocked me from whatsapp....

 

This is when I started vomiting every morning when I used to wake up, stopped eating food, looking at food I felt like throwing up And I used to think about her Day And Night, then I began sending her Sms and start calling her again and again.... One day she picked up the call and we had a nice talk and we started talking again, but every now and then she used to make me jealous by telling that she's talking to this guy on insta and this guy said this to her, and I just could not handle this all these jealousy type situations I just start to panic and my body used to shake and my mouth went dry, so from here my withdrawal began I guess

I used to just worry about loosing her and just started getting anxious over and over but still we were talking, chatting.... In short everything was okay, beside some random day she used to try and make me jealous and that used to trigger my symptoms more

 

So From March 22 I had my exams for which I had to go to my hometown , so I decided I ll study hard and give my best.... So I used to have my written exams first and then practical but this year the pattern changed, this year it was like first practical then written exams, so I had my practicals from 18 and I got to know about it on 17th March.... Ohhhh man my anxiety it just went like rocket, I was like how m gonna manage, wt if I fail, I can not fail, then began sweaty palms and diarrhea.... I had Soo much of sweaty palms and feet that my slippers used to get away from my feet while walking.... Anyhow I gave my practical somehow, I passed in it.... My exams were going pretty good but all this while I was a anxious freak with symptoms like sweaty hands, dry mouth, and diarrhea... I always used to talk to my gf after giving my exams.... One day wt happened I texted her and she didn't reply and I said wowww you just saw my msg and you can't reply, she said yes.... Again bam I lost it, I said block me then, I ll go from your life she said she won't block me and I need to stfu.... So I started calling her, she rejected my call then I began texting her on whatsapp like pick up the call ND ol she blocked me on whatsapp too.... So next day it turns out that she was having video chat with her mom at the moment that's why she didn't reply to me at the first place....

 

So from 22march to 24th April I had my exams, all this one month I went through hell, sweaty hands, diarrhea, fear of everything, weird dreams, used to wake up in the middle of night with panic and thinking that I just want my girl and every now and then my gf used to mock me by saying m not the one ND she ll slowly slowly forget me for which I actually don't blame her, she's always been kinda like this... She always tried to make me jealous that I feel was okay coz she's the Cute and Innocent girl but this time all these words just used to kill me I mean literally kill me coz my brain could not handle all this

 

So on 24th April I gave my last paper of mathematics and I was Soo excited to talk to my girl after exam, I asked her to unblock me... She didn't unblock me, idk why maybe I would have said something before I don't remember but when she didn't unblock me I started panicking again and again, started sending her msgs and she didn't reply.... Again no sleep for many many days... So I came back to Mumbai and when my mom saw me she was like wth has happened to you, I lost 8 kg of weight, my skin became dark, because of dry mouth my teeth became yellow, charm on my face was gone completely 

 

So in May some of my symptoms subsided, like anxiety wasn't 24/7,sweaty palms were not there, diarrhea wasn't there.... So the mistake I did was I started Stalking my gf on social media and my symptoms used to get triggered when I saw she has commented something and ol.... I should not have done this coz now I feel my brain is just not ready to handle such emotions, anyway this lead to extreme insomnia, and deattachment from world, I could not watch TV, anyway I was still talking with my gf and things were going ryt, when I used to have a nice chat with her I felt happy, so for few days this continued and I started feeling happy, started eating properly, started sleeping well, loss of memory was there but things were heading in proper direction 

 

She was to come in mumbai on July 1st and said she would reconsider about our relationship but I was anxious how m gonna meet her coz it's a 2 hour drive from my home if I want to see her, where we used to meet in Mumbai i.e marine drive and I fear I ll get a panic attack as mumbai is crowded too and now it's been 17 days and I haven't met her, she asked me to meet her but I just couldn't go 😢and last week she went out with a guy who asked her to meet, and when I saw the status  again I overreacted body went cold, headache, I just could not handle it had a argument then she blocked me.... Insomnia has come back, not feeling like to eat, diarrhea .... Because of this argument she said that she was thinking about to reconsider it but now she thinks it was a mistake :(.... And I just hate myself for not able to control situations like this or over reacting... M just ******* it over again and again by making such mistakes 😢

I don't Wanna loose her, I know even she doesn't wants to loose me but the way m reacting its just making everything worse.... Now she ll go back to her college on 28th July and I just hate it that I had such a nice chance to make it work out but I ****ed it up... I can't help it 😢

I m not able to handle such situations..... 

I have told her that I ll meet her tomorrow but again m freaking out to go this far from my home.... Someone help me

Today also she messaged me and asked how m feeling.... She's such a sweetheart 

Edited July 17, 2018 by Songbird
masked expletive

[dj2010]

1 hour ago, Anubhav said:

Okay this is going to be a big reply.....I need some help.... So here's the thing

Okay I quit my escitalopram 5mg in December, everything was fine till in February I had an argument with my gf, I was ignoring her so she decided to get my attention by putting a status that she's Going on for a date with some other guy and I reacted in a very rude way guess that's what these pills make you do

 

So she blocked me, that's when it got hit in my head bam.... I started panicking felt like everything is moving away 

So I got emotional and she said she needs some time, I said okay, then we started talking again on phone... Things were getting good but I was kinda feeling nervous, so every now and then I used to msg her whether she wants to stay or leave, she said not to eat her head as she has already said she needs time but still we were talking on phone it was okay, I was sleeping well, eating well

Then in March I told one of my friend that how my relationship is going she said to meet my gf and sort out the things, then I messaged my gf and told her that I talked to one of my friend and ol..... But here's the thing my gf went to other state last year for her BSc in nursing, so I couldn't meet her.... Then my gf said everything that is happening is happening because of me the way I behaved ND ol which I think she was right about because I did behave in a very rude manner to her in November and December not giving her time, was busy with my own things Nd one thing I noticed while on these pills I always used to think about future, doing many stuffs at a time like I decided to try in acting but after few months I began learning direction, photography, script writing... I never stayed at one thing

Anyway then I asked my gf again on whatsapp wt she wants to do, she said we should separate our paths, as she doesn't feels the same way and ol.... Then again bam I started panicking, crying, I called her and she said it's over, move on and she cut the phone and blocked me from whatsapp....

 

This is when I started vomiting every morning when I used to wake up, stopped eating food, looking at food I felt like throwing up And I used to think about her Day And Night, then I began sending her Sms and start calling her again and again.... One day she picked up the call and we had a nice talk and we started talking again, but every now and then she used to make me jealous by telling that she's talking to this guy on insta and this guy said this to her, and I just could not handle this all these jealousy type situations I just start to panic and my body used to shake and my mouth went dry, so from here my withdrawal began I guess

I used to just worry about loosing her and just started getting anxious over and over but still we were talking, chatting.... In short everything was okay, beside some random day she used to try and make me jealous and that used to trigger my symptoms more

 

So From March 22 I had my exams for which I had to go to my hometown , so I decided I ll study hard and give my best.... So I used to have my written exams first and then practical but this year the pattern changed, this year it was like first practical then written exams, so I had my practicals from 18 and I got to know about it on 17th March.... Ohhhh man my anxiety it just went like rocket, I was like how m gonna manage, wt if I fail, I can not fail, then began sweaty palms and diarrhea.... I had Soo much of sweaty palms and feet that my slippers used to get away from my feet while walking.... Anyhow I gave my practical somehow, I passed in it.... My exams were going pretty good but all this while I was a anxious freak with symptoms like sweaty hands, dry mouth, and diarrhea... I always used to talk to my gf after giving my exams.... One day wt happened I texted her and she didn't reply and I said wowww you just saw my msg and you can't reply, she said yes.... Again bam I lost it, I said block me then, I ll go from your life she said she won't block me and I need to stfu.... So I started calling her, she rejected my call then I began texting her on whatsapp like pick up the call ND ol she blocked me on whatsapp too.... So next day it turns out that she was having video chat with her mom at the moment that's why she didn't reply to me at the first place....

 

So from 22march to 24th April I had my exams, all this one month I went through hell, sweaty hands, diarrhea, fear of everything, weird dreams, used to wake up in the middle of night with panic and thinking that I just want my girl and every now and then my gf used to mock me by saying m not the one ND she ll slowly slowly forget me for which I actually don't blame her, she's always been kinda like this... She always tried to make me jealous that I feel was okay coz she's the Cute and Innocent girl but this time all these words just used to kill me I mean literally kill me coz my brain could not handle all this

 

So on 24th April I gave my last paper of mathematics and I was Soo excited to talk to my girl after exam, I asked her to unblock me... She didn't unblock me, idk why maybe I would have said something before I don't remember but when she didn't unblock me I started panicking again and again, started sending her msgs and she didn't reply.... Again no sleep for many many days... So I came back to Mumbai and when my mom saw me she was like wth has happened to you, I lost 8 kg of weight, my skin became dark, because of dry mouth my teeth became yellow, charm on my face was gone completely 

 

So in May some of my symptoms subsided, like anxiety wasn't 24/7,sweaty palms were not there, diarrhea wasn't there.... So the mistake I did was I started Stalking my gf on social media and my symptoms used to get triggered when I saw she has commented something and ol.... I should not have done this coz now I feel my brain is just not ready to handle such emotions, anyway this lead to extreme insomnia, and deattachment from world, I could not watch TV, anyway I was still talking with my gf and things were going ryt, when I used to have a nice chat with her I felt happy, so for few days this continued and I started feeling happy, started eating properly, started sleeping well, loss of memory was there but things were heading in proper direction 

 

She was to come in mumbai on July 1st and said she would reconsider about our relationship but I was anxious how m gonna meet her coz it's a 2 hour drive from my home if I want to see her, where we used to meet in Mumbai i.e marine drive and I fear I ll get a panic attack as mumbai is crowded too and now it's been 17 days and I haven't met her, she asked me to meet her but I just couldn't go 😢and last week she went out with a guy who asked her to meet, and when I saw the status  again I overreacted body went cold, headache, I just could not handle it had a argument then she blocked me.... Insomnia has come back, not feeling like to eat, diarrhea .... Because of this argument she said that she was thinking about to reconsider it but now she thinks it was a mistake :(.... And I just hate myself for not able to control situations like this or over reacting... M just ******* it over again and again by making such mistakes 😢

I don't Wanna loose her, I know even she doesn't wants to loose me but the way m reacting its just making everything worse.... Now she ll go back to her college on 28th July and I just hate it that I had such a nice chance to make it work out but I ****ed it up... I can't help it 😢

I m not able to handle such situations..... 

I have told her that I ll meet her tomorrow but again m freaking out to go this far from my home.... Someone help me

Today also she messaged me and asked how m feeling.... She's such a sweetheart 

 

looks like you had delayed withdrawals, withdrawal can hit a few months later, it did with me 3 months after my last dose, be risky reinstating now, sounds like you are doing very well though

 

the relationship with your girlfriend sounds stressful and more trouble than its worth, plenty more fish in the sea as they say

 

best just focusing on self while going through withdrawal,

 

 

Edited July 17, 2018 by Songbird
masked expletive

[Anubhav]

@dj2010 I wish it was that easy.... We are in relationship from the last 3 years... We have Soo much of memories, shared Soo much

We both loved each other Soo much

I don't want to give up on all that just because of withdrawal that is a temporary situation

 

She's caring, she understands m going through something but my way of handling situations is just ****ed up but it ain't my fault and I don't blame her also... I mean who wouldn't get frustrated if one moment the person is all okay and the next moment he's freaking out on small issues everytime

 

I think my brain was used to that poison escitalopram for handling stressful situations.... Now when it's not getting that, it is behaving in a very chaotic way

At one moment I feel happy, I get feelings, goosebumps, I get excited and then next moment I feel nothings worth it, there's no point of life and when a stressful situation comes then don't ask my brain just gives me Soo much of random thoughts & over thinks Soo much phewwww 

Edited July 18, 2018 by Songbird
masked expletive

[Anubhav]

I think m just torturing my brain by taking Soo much of stress.... Otherwise this withdrawal can be easy for me

Situations became worse when I was most vulnerable

[Songbird]

Anubhav, please refrain from using expletives in your posts - you are making extra work for the mods who have to edit them out.

 

See the site rules:  Rules and guidelines

[RusTW]

On 7/16/2018 at 11:45 PM, dj2010 said:

 

looks like you had delayed withdrawals, withdrawal can hit a few months later, it did with me 3 months after my last dose, be risky reinstating now, sounds like you are doing very well though

 

the relationship with your girlfriend sounds stressful and more trouble than its worth, plenty more fish in the sea as they say

 

best just focusing on self while going through withdrawal,

 

 

 my my withdrawals hit me about 3 weeks to a month later.The W/d are bad enough .sorry the relationship isn't working out .my guess is to work on yourself and heal before you get lost in a breakup.Part of us going thrue this is to be self sufficient with ourselves for the healing.if someone else is bringing up negative things thats more on you to deal with.stay strong

[Anubhav]

On 7/19/2018 at 7:39 AM, RusTW said:

 my my withdrawals hit me about 3 weeks to a month later.The W/d are bad enough .sorry the relationship isn't working out .my guess is to work on yourself and heal before you get lost in a breakup.Part of us going thrue this is to be self sufficient with ourselves for the healing.if someone else is bringing up negative things thats more on you to deal with.stay strong

Yeah, m letting it all go.... I ll focus on my healing

[Anubhav]

On 7/17/2018 at 12:15 PM, dj2010 said:

 

the relationship with your girlfriend sounds stressful and more trouble than its worth, plenty more fish in the sea as they say

 

best just focusing on self while going through withdrawal,

Thank you For Your Advice, I did meet her and relationship is over..... I hope all this suffering is worth something

[Anubhav]

On 7/18/2018 at 9:25 AM, Songbird said:

Anubhav, please refrain from using expletives in your posts - you are making extra work for the mods who have to edit them out.

 

See the site rules:  Rules and guidelines

I ll keep that in Mind

[RusTW]

How are you doing today.

[RusTW]

How's things going for you so far. Hope you're doing okay.

[Anubhav]

On 7/23/2018 at 3:42 AM, RusTW said:

How's things going for you so far. Hope you're doing okay.

Yeah m doing okay....Better than last few weeks

[RusTW]

 how's it going with the relationship are you still in it. How are your symptoms and how are you feeling how have you been doing. I had some windows lately but it feels like I'm hitting a wall again with the waves get nausea anxiety headaches most of the day.

[Anubhav]

14 hours ago, RusTW said:

 how's it going with the relationship are you still in it. How are your symptoms and how are you feeling how have you been doing. I had some windows lately but it feels like I'm hitting a wall again with the waves get nausea anxiety headaches most of the day.

Relationship is at a Halt Right now , symptoms are not so bad....Lately thinking about my relationship , I could not spend good moments with my gf because of this withdrawal....So there's a guilt but m trying to let it all go and focus on my healing and leaving everything on God 

So from last week it's kinda Okay not that Bad

[Anubhav]

It's quite funny how I look back at life and think how casually we used to take our life, every small moments, every small emotions.... Sometimes I feel like m I really going through all this and I can see why people don't understand wt m going through

 

[RusTW]

I'm glad to see your progressing. Try to stay focused on your healing and not the guilt when you feel better. Keep up the good work man I hope that your window stays open.

[Anubhav]

Okay Now I know why M having Cognitive Issues.....So on may 26 I went to see my psychiatrist and he reinstated me on 10mg of escitalopram....I had a adverse reaction to it

So From last two months m not able to cope up with my studies and I have developed some symptoms of PSSD....I think m having this issue because of reinstatement only because prior to reinstatement I was able to manage my studies and did not have any PSSD symptoms

And I used to get a very nice window everyday like feeling of all healed  prior to reinstatement which I don't get now

[LexAnger]

That sucks! I think you are right about the cognitive decline from the reinstate. I had only physiv

Sxs before updosing lex, and I'm like a total retarded ever since.

 

another proof of the danger of reinstate these poisons.

 

what are the reaction sxs you got? Are they still with you now? 

[RusTW]

Its good you figured that out with the meds.we are the ones that have to take control.The doctors are out to marketing the drugs for the big companies.the doctors always say its a new or pre existing condition.i had to take control and fire my doctor.she was telling me to taper 100 mg seroquel in a few weeks lol.its going to take months in reality.not saying you should fire yours.just saying.heres a good site for pssd and antidepressants https://rxisk.org/post-ssri-sexual-dysfunction-pssd/

[RusTW]

Your windows will come back man.

[RusTW]

this is your second time coming off.try to do it this time.you can

[Anubhav]

48 minutes ago, LexAnger said:

That sucks! I think you are right about the cognitive decline from the reinstate. I had only physiv

Sxs before updosing lex, and I'm like a total retarded ever since.

 

another proof of the danger of reinstate these poisons.

 

what are the reaction sxs you got? Are they still with you now? 

I took 10mg after being off it for 6 months....I did not know about the side effects of reinstating late, I hadn't found this site.....So the adverse reaction I got was feeling like burning sensation all over my body, started shaking, heart beat went super fast, felt like gonna faint..... All these symptoms have subsided , occasionally I get this burning sensation

[Anubhav]

17 minutes ago, RusTW said:

this is your second time coming off.try to do it this time.you can

I did not continue my reinstatement after I got adverse reaction....So m drug free from 27 May

[LexAnger]

Thank God they all subsided! 

Those are typical reaction sxs when the body is reintroduced to these drugs, too stimulating 

[Anubhav]

16 minutes ago, LexAnger said:

Thank God they all subsided! 

Those are typical reaction sxs when the body is reintroduced to these drugs, too stimulating 

I still remember I was asking myself again and again should i take this pill or not....Now I have made things worse for myself only

 

[Anubhav]

1 hour ago, LexAnger said:

. I had only physiv

Sxs before updosing lex, and I'm like a total retarded ever since.

How much did you up dose.....I was off these pills for 6 months then my doc reinstated me that too on high dose 😢

[Anubhav]

@Petunia Hey I think you reinstated after 1 year off lexapro, whT adverse reaction did you get from it....At what dose did you reinstate....Did it get better?

[LexAnger]

12 hours ago, Anubhav said:

How much did you up dose.....I was off these pills for 6 months then my doc reinstated me that too on high dose 😢

From 3.2mg to 4.2 mg for 1 day only

[Anubhav]

Is there anyone who healed from the adverse reaction to reinstatement At high dose after 5 months off them.....I have heard many people getting neurotoxicity from late reinstatement, but has anyone healed ?

[Anubhav]

You know what guys , **** this **** , **** this withdrawal.....M done obsessing over it

Now I know wt mistake I did I reinstated late that too on high dose had a adverse reaction , and one of the main reason i reinstated was because my Gf was about to come in July and I wanted to feel myself but guess wt happened I had a adverse reaction and The Girl also left me , I don't blame anyone But God.....He wants me to suffer okay I ll suffer , I ll go through this **** 

**** Pssd , **** Cognitive Issues

[RusTW]

Use the frustration to get better man. I go through this too pretty much every day bud. When I feel like quitting or not doing what I'm supposed to I think about that frustration and it can either get the best of us or we can make the best of it. We have to make mini accomplishments everyday. Behind the waves there's a calm sea waiting for us out there man.

[RusTW]

 I think what it is is that we're having to learn how to live in the now. We can't change what we did with the medications so try to forget about that man and we can't fast-forward ourselves to make ourselves better so we got to forge ourselves now. It's only going to make us stronger. hang tough man

[Anubhav]

10 hours ago, RusTW said:

 I think what it is is that we're having to learn how to live in the now. We can't change what we did with the medications so try to forget about that man and we can't fast-forward ourselves to make ourselves better so we got to forge ourselves now. It's only going to make us stronger. hang tough man

Thanks for your Positivity Man....If I can go through this , I can go through anything in my life ....I Hope For The Best

Take care and Happy Healing to You

[RusTW]

 you can go through it man. Sometimes it's moment-to-moment sometimes it's hour to hour sometimes it's day to day and then sometimes you'll get lucky and get Windows that'll last for a little while

[RusTW]

 we got to do the best we can every day to live with it until it goes away. It's a struggle sometimes but we got to keep living.