Steve61: Dosulepin withdrawal

[powerback]

27 minutes ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks PB. I am beginning to notice a pattern to my time spent on this site. I spend loads more time on here , reading and posting when I’m in a wave. It’s comforting to be around friends who know what it’s like .

Yep help  lift others when there down and in pain ,don't over do it though in a wave .find time to switch off and try forget also .

we deserve peace ,that's for sure steve .

Take care .

[Steve61]

@WantoffVen I hear you about taking my time and being patient in my taper. Patience is not one of my better qualities !!! But I’m  learning.  You are quite correct that mine is a lifetime of drugs and alcohol.of one sort another. It’s going to be quite a shock to the system to be drug free !  Thanks for the reminder. No rush. It’s taken me 62 years to get to this stage, another 12 months or so is nothing in that context.

 

Steve

 

 

[WantoffVen]

It sure isn't, Steve. I am weaning off 225 mg. of Venlafaxine currently and it's going to take me a long long time but I choose to look at how far I've come down not how far I have to go. Even being on a lower dose of an AD is better than being on a higher dose. So think that way - not about being complete off. You'll get there when you get there. Rooting for you and everyone on this site.

[ChessieCat]

44 minutes ago, Steve61 said:

Hi CC. I’m sorry to hear that that it’s tough at the moment. For myself, I think that what I am going through is partly withdrawal and partly facing reality without my drug or at least less of it. It’s probably more the wd but there is no doubt that my ad numbed my feelings ,so I’ve  got to find coping strategies to help meet life on life’s terms. I suppose coping with life without any type of drug in my system is just as big a challenge as the wd’s. At least it is for me because I have spent so many years with one drug or another numbing my feelings.

Good luck

Steve

 

Thanks for posting in my topic.  I appreciate the support.

 

I've just seen your drug signature and I can imagine that it is very scary wondering how it will be.  My suggestion would be to do what you can to learn coping skills now.  I can see that you are of a similar age and we were born during the time when non drug coping skills weren't taught.  I did an online, supported CBT course about 4 years ago, and I've also learned a lot since joining SA 3 years ago.  Even though I've been a mess this afternoon and this evening, what I have learned has helped me to get through it.  I understand about the sick feeling in my stomach, so I've been able to do self talk and deep breathing to minimise its effect and I haven't ended up with the second fear which can lead to a full on panic attack or hysterical crying.

 

On 10/31/2018 at 9:34 PM, Steve61 said:

I hear you about taking my time and being patient in my taper. Patience is not one of my better qualities !!! But I’m  learning.  You are quite correct that mine is a lifetime of drugs and alcohol.of one sort another. It’s going to be quite a shock to the system to be drug free !  Thanks for the reminder. No rush. It’s taken me 62 years to get to this stage, another 12 months or so is nothing in that context.

 

I'm pleased to see that you realise you need to be patient.  It is hard.  I've had a few times during my taper when I've wanted to hurry it up, then when I've considered the members' stories here I've realised it's not worth trying to go quicker than our brains can adapt.  When I first found out about tapering after joining SA, I was expecting to be off by my 60th birthday, this time last year, and I was disappointed when I realised earlier last year that it wasn't going to happening.  My current ETA is some time in 2020 and even though I don't like that it is going to take that long I've resigned myself to the fact.  And to help me stay patient I look at how much I have reduced my drug, instead of how much long I still have to go.

 

We'll get there.

[Steve61]

@ChessieCat Hi CC, thanks for dropping by. I have got lots of coping mechanisms in place. I go to AA and do try to practice the 12 steps. That helps enormously. I’m going to meditation classes and that’s really helping as well.  I am lucky in the sense that I had to get to know myself when I stopped drinking. So I can analyse my different feelings and understand them for what they are.

 

That being said, I have been taken by surprise with all this. I never knew anything about ad wd’s. I certainly was very naive about the severity and length of time it will take.  Each taper is bringing me closer to the real me and I really want that. I don’t want the drugged up feeling any more. I didn’t even realise that I was drugged at the time. As I say - naive. This site is invaluable because knowledge is power and I have learned so much about what I am going through and what to expect. 

 

Thanks CC. All your help is appreciated.

Steve

[ChessieCat]

7 hours ago, Steve61 said:

I didn’t even realise that I was drugged at the time.

 

I didn't realise how numb I had been until my dose started getting lower.  It started happening in the latter half of last year.

 

7 hours ago, Steve61 said:

This site is invaluable because knowledge is power and I have learned so much about what I am going through and what to expect. 

 

I feel the same way.  And I included "knowledge is power" or something similar, in one of my first signatures here.

 

I know what all the members are going through is tough, and I'm sorry that we are going through it, but it certainly makes me feel less hopeless knowing that what I'm going through isn't unusual.

 

Keep on keeping on, and keep on getting off.

[Steve61]

Time for an update on my progress. I seemed to stabilise after my last taper. It took a couple of weeks but I seemed to get there. Then I hit a pretty good window for a week or so and then last Friday I missed a capsule ! I am on 35 mgs which consists of a 25 mgs capsule and 10 mgs in liquid form , which I make up. I took the 10mgs and then forgot the capsule because the box I was using was empty and the other boxes were upstairs.I thought that I will take one when I go to bed and then forgot. I didn’t even remember until the following night when I went to take a capsule and they were still upstairs ! The strange part was how I felt the day after forgetting. I felt great !! Full of energy, happy, positive almost manic. Then the day after that , I crashed and burned. That was last Sunday and I haven’t stabilised since. It’s not been a good few days. I am so angry with myself because this was caused by my carelessness. I also cannot quite believe how sensitive my body and brain have become. Not only to my ad’s but to supplements etc. I have to be so careful because once the damage is done it seems to take ages to stabilise again.  Anyway that’s me. Just waiting to stabilise again before I taper again. This could take forever !!!!

 

Steve

[ChessieCat]

Isn't it a nuisance when you make a mistake.  I accidentally took the wrong capsules.  Supposed to go from 9.5mg to 9mg but kept taking 0.5mg capsule instead of 5mg one.  I did this for 5 days before I realised that I had gone from 9.5mg to 4.5mg so I had more than halved my dose.  And the dose was written in big marker pen on both the bottle side and the lid, and I still messed it up.

 

A couple of members have accidentally taken their dose twice and another member forgot to put her tablets in her carry on luggage so missed taking her dose during a flight home.  So yes, it does happen.  And yes, we do get annoyed with ourselves.

 

We can't change what happened so it is best to accept it.  However, we can work out ways so it doesn't happen again.

[Steve61]

Thanks CC. It’s just thrown me into a wave when I was feeling okay. That’s what is annoying. This time last Friday, I felt good and optimistic etc. It was last Friday when I made the mistake and then Saturday I felt elated and ever since I have felt crap. Perhaps it was just a coincidence and a wave was coming anyway. I don’t know. It seems a severe reaction for such a small mistake. My dizziness and brain fog have been terrible this week. Anyway, I will certainly be more careful in the future. It helps knowing that Im not the only one . @ChessieCat

 

Steve

[Carmie]

Hi Steve, 

 

I’m so sorry you missed taking your meds one night. I’m one of those people ChessieCat mentioned that accidentally took a double dose a number of weeks back while I was already in withdrawals from changing formulas n it’s taking a while to stabilise.

 

I ended up thinking what an idiot I am, but pretty quickly changed that thought to I can’t change the past, one can only move forward. I didn’t end up going into a panic despite the acute withdrawal symptoms that night. Not long after I took that second dose the symptoms ramped up.

 

You said you’re taking liquid n a capsule. You probably have them next to each other all the time, but because our brains are so bad it might be an idea to get on of those Monday to Friday pill boxes for the capsule. That way if you can’t remember if you took it or not all you have to do is check the box again. 

 

It’s scary when we make mistakes because we know the consequences, but that being said, we can’t change the past. I take ages to stabilise, like you too, because of all the meds I’ve been on and off. I’ve also been cold-turkeyed in the past a number of times, as they kept changing meds. I don’t even know what all the meds were. 

 

I hope you stabilise soon, Sending hugs🤗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Steve61]

Thanks for the suggestion about the pill box, it’s a good one. My brain is that fogged at the moment and my memory that bad , I can forget doing things quite easily. I couldn’t remember if I had my porridge one morning. I’d had it , washed up, everything and forgot the whole thing !!! Quite scary sometimes, I can easily start worrying If it’s the onset of dementia !! That’s why this site is so great, it reassures me that what I am going through is normal ( for wd’s ). 

 

On the the plus side , I feel a little brighter this morning.Everything doesn’t seem quite so black. Dizziness, fogginess and memory still bad but I feel a bit more optimistic.so that’s good . @Carmie

[powerback]

On ‎11‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 12:35 PM, Steve61 said:

can easily start worrying If it’s the onset of dementia !! That’s why this site is

Classic health anxiety steve ,keep remembering its anxiety .

Hoe you keeping well today .sending support across the rainy Irish sea 👍 .

[Steve61]

Hi PB. You are right of course. I have had a lot of health anxiety during wd’s. The fast heartbeat and the feeling that my heart is high in my chest or throat caused me a lot of worry. Aches and pains, stiffness, exhaustion , dizziness, blurred vision, the list goes on....   The memory lapses are definitely the most worrying for me ,though. It is frightening to think that I can be functioning quite normally and then forget doing something, completely. 

Windows and waves for me at the moment. I can wake up in a wave then have a window for a few hours and then back to a wave. It’s been happening for a few days. Better than a constant wave , I suppose. @powerback

 

 

[powerback]

1 hour ago, Steve61 said:

Hi PB. You are right of course. I have had a lot of health anxiety during wd’s. The fast heartbeat and the feeling that my heart is high in my chest or throat caused me a lot of worry. Aches and pains, stiffness, exhaustion , dizziness, blurred vision, the list goes on....   The memory lapses are definitely the most worrying for me ,though. It is frightening to think that I can be functioning quite normally and then forget doing something, completely. 

Windows and waves for me at the moment. I can wake up in a wave then have a window for a few hours and then back to a wave. It’s been happening for a few days. Better than a constant wave , I suppose. @powerback

 

 

Oh yes ,the constant waves are a triathalon of indurance.

Heard a bang in the kitchen yesterday ,I lept off the couch thinking too myself oh sh*t what have I forgotten in the oven or cooker but it was nothing major ,oh yes the memory and forgetting .dont fight it ,when you notice it just float and try distract.

Its all anxiety .

👍.

[Steve61]

It seems that I am so sensitive to any changes now. The wave continues. I get brief interludes of wiindows but they don’t last long. The last long wave that I had was when I tried Omega 3. It took ages to stabilise after I gave up on it. This time the wave started when I missed my ad’s one night. That was 2 weeks ago. I have come down with a cold as well which seems to affect my nervous system as well. I have to be that careful not to do anything to aggravate these withdrawals. Can I really be that sensitive ?  Or are they just coincidences and I am adding 2 and  2  together and getting 5 ?  Anyway one day at a time and faith that eventually all this will pass. It’s just withdrawals messing with me. 

[Carmie]

Hi Steve, 

 

I’m sorry you’re still suffering after you forgot to take your meds one day a few weeks ago. I haven’t stabilised yet either since I accidentally took a double dose n it’s been over a month. I was already in the midst of bad withdrawals when that happened though, so I guess it’s the combination of both those things. 

 

Yes, we can definitely be sensitive to anything when in withdrawals, it’s definitely not your imagination. A lot of people benefit from fish oil n magnesium, but there are some people that can’t tolerate them either. It’s all trial n error. 

 

I hope you get over your cold soon. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Sunnyday]

Hi Steve. It's easy to forget taking the meds especially during withdrawal. The days can kind of melt together as well, I've noticed. So it's hard to remember what you have or haven't done. I don't think you should blame yourself for it. People ask me sometimes what I have been up to or if I have done a certain thing, and I feel like I can never give a proper answer anymore because I just don't rememeber. And I'm in my twenties.  So I would definitely assume it's the withdrawal. 

 

I also remember the last time I had a cold was during withdrawal and it was extremely outdrawn and I ended up having a cough lasting for months when the cold itself was over. That has never happened before. So I think like Carmie that we're just very senstive. Not dangerous, but very impractical and uncomfortable.

It will pass for sure, and I hope you get a window soon. Take care.

[Steve61]

@Carmie @Sunnyday  Thank you both, so much, for your reassurances. I can’t begin to express how much it helps. Without this site and people like yourselves, I would have given up because I would have thought that I was going mad, I would definitely have thought that I needed the ad’s. I would have thought that it was my original symptoms returning, only worse. I’m just hanging in there , waiting for a window. One will come along, I’m sure.

[powerback]

On ‎11‎/‎26‎/‎2018 at 8:10 PM, Steve61 said:

It seems that I am so sensitive to any changes now. The wave continues. I get brief interludes of wiindows but they don’t last long. The last long wave that I had was when I tried Omega 3. It took ages to stabilise after I gave up on it. This time the wave started when I missed my ad’s one night. That was 2 weeks ago. I have come down with a cold as well which seems to affect my nervous system as well. I have to be that careful not to do anything to aggravate these withdrawals. Can I really be that sensitive ?  Or are they just coincidences and I am adding 2 and  2  together and getting 5 ?  Anyway one day at a time and faith that eventually all this will pass. It’s just withdrawals messing with me. 

It could be a mix of sensitivity and anxiety together ,Ive a cold lasting weeks also[serious gunk coming off my chest in the morning }apologies TMI   ,im drinking  lemon,ginger,manuka honey and garlic to help  .so far it doesn't seem to be as bad as the one I had in july .a cold in july hey ,only me steve typical lol

Take care steve 👍.

 

[Carmie]

On 11/30/2018 at 12:06 AM, Steve61 said:

@Carmie @Sunnyday  Thank you both, so much, for your reassurances. I can’t begin to express how much it helps. Without this site and people like yourselves, I would have given up because I would have thought that I was going mad, I would definitely have thought that I needed the ad’s. I would have thought that it was my original symptoms returning, only worse. I’m just hanging in there , waiting for a window. One will come along, I’m sure.

 

Hi Steve, 

 

Just popping in to see how you’re doing. Hope some windows come along soon. They ALWAYS come, it just takes a long time sometimes. I’ve had mainly waves for over three months, but now the windows are coming, so be reassured that they always come. 

 

Did you end up getting a Monday to Sunday pill box to put your meds in so that you don’t accidentally miss any again?

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

[Steve61]

9 hours ago, Carmie said:

 

Hi Steve, 

 

Just popping in to see how you’re doing. Hope some windows come along soon. They ALWAYS come, it just takes a long time sometimes. I’ve had mainly waves for over three months, but now the windows are coming, so be reassured that they always come. 

 

Did you end up getting a Monday to Sunday pill box to put your meds in so that you don’t accidentally miss any again?

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

Hi Carmie, yes, I got the pill box. Great piece of advice ! Thank you. Hopefully, now, I won’t make the same mistake of missing a dose. Sometimes the simpler more obvious solutions to problems are the ones that I miss because I’m overthinking things. 

 

Im still in a wave, Carmie. Just not such a big wave. I am settling down, beginning to stabilise. I just have this nagging feeling that everything is not right in my world. An underlying fear of I don’t know what. It is like ‘ I don’t feel safe’. It’s a disturbing feeling. I know it’s the wd’s but sometimes it can be quite overpowering. 

 

Anyway, thanks for popping in. I’m really happy for you that the windows are coming. I think that mine will be along shortly. I have a feeling that my wave is passing.

 

Steve

[Carmie]

 

 

Glad you got that pill box Steve, 

 

It’s so easy to make mistakes when going through withdrawals because our brains are in lala land. At least with the pill box if you wonder whether or not you’ve taken your meds you can just go and check, thus no mistakes.

 

So glad that your wave isn’t as intense. I’m slowly stabiling too. It feels amazing, doesn’t it? You will get there too. Off course, once we taper again it’s back to the roller coaster ride. It will end one day though. 

 

That underlying fear certainly happens to a lot of people going through withdrawals. All our emotions are heightened. Withdrawals can be so severe n it’s easy to have a kind of anticipatory fear of what’s around the corner as we don’t know how we will be from one second to the next. 

 

Have you checked out Claire Weekes. She speaks about a secondary fear, and how we need to try n calm this down. 

 

Take care💚

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Steve61]

Just an update on how I am doing. It’s good,I think,to update on my journey so that I can look back on it. 

 

Ive noticed that, recently, I seem to have more compassion for others. More empathy. I got so wrapped up n myself at one point. I became my own centre of the universe.Everything that I thought about revolved around me. I sort of knew it and tried to change it but I was stuck inside my own problems. It seems to come a little more naturally now to feel other people’s suffering. For me that’s really good because I’m not thinking of myself all the time. I feel more as if I am part of the world now instead of being apart from it, if that makes sense. Not so isolated.

 

The sensitivity to noise has calmed down a bit , that’s really helpful when trying to relax. My dizziness is a lot better. Paranoia, anger, self pity etc are all less. So everything much improved. The one thing that doesn’t seem to improve much is my memory. Hopefully it will with time but if not then I would settle for how I feel today.

 

I realise that I’m having a window and that it will probably change to a wave sooner or later but for today I feel okay.

 

Steve

 

 

, 

[powerback]

1 hour ago, Steve61 said:

Just an update on how I am doing. It’s good,I think,to update on my journey so that I can look back on it. 

 

Ive noticed that, recently, I seem to have more compassion for others. More empathy. I got so wrapped up n myself at one point. I became my own centre of the universe.Everything that I thought about revolved around me. I sort of knew it and tried to change it but I was stuck inside my own problems. It seems to come a little more naturally now to feel other people’s suffering. For me that’s really good because I’m not thinking of myself all the time. I feel more as if I am part of the world now instead of being apart from it, if that makes sense. Not so isolated.

 

The sensitivity to noise has calmed down a bit , that’s really helpful when trying to relax. My dizziness is a lot better. Paranoia, anger, self pity etc are all less. So everything much improved. The one thing that doesn’t seem to improve much is my memory. Hopefully it will with time but if not then I would settle for how I feel today.

 

I realise that I’m having a window and that it will probably change to a wave sooner or later but for today I feel okay.

 

Steve

 

 

, 

Happy for you steve 👍.

 

[Steve61]

23 minutes ago, powerback said:

Happy for you steve 👍.

 

Thanks PB. Appreciated mate 👍

[FarmGirlWorks]

@Steve61, that's a great update. I struggle with compassion so it is good to read that it is changing for you.

[Steve61]

3 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

@Steve61, that's a great update. I struggle with compassion so it is good to read that it is changing for you.

Thanks FGW. I pray and meditate on it but when I’m in the middle of a wave it’s hard, really hard because I’m so wrapped up in my own problems and feelings. It’s a nice feeling , compassion.I’ve got it today and all we have is today. So I’m grateful.

[Carmie]

Hi Steve, 

 

Just popping by to see how you’re doing. I’m so glad you’ve been getting some windows, it shows that we will heal. What wonderful news that some of your symptoms have diminished. When you end up in a wave again just remember how your symptoms lessened and that will help you to keep on going. 

 

I’m so glad too that your compassion and empathy has come back. I’m sorry that has been a struggle for you while going through withdrawals. It is good to feel and show compassion and empathy for others, as it is a good coping strategy too to take our focus off ourselves and onto other people. I’ve never lost it, I’ve always been a major empath, and I think that withdrawals have actually made me more empathetic.

 

I hope you continue to have lots more windows. 

 

Sending sunshine your way, it’s certainly warm here today, might turn the air in on in a sec.☀️☀️☀️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Steve61]

Christmas update. Dreading it ! I was really feeling a lot better but these last couple of days it’s got to me. Just all the pressure of buying presents, food shopping etc plus seeing lots of extra people over the next couple of days. It seems to have sent me from a really nice window into a bit of a wave. The social anxiety is 100 times worse because of the wd’s. Oh well, it’s just a reminder of how sensitive I am to stress of any kind . 

 

Thank you everyone that has helped me over the last few months. It really has meant a lot. I couldn’t do this without this site. That’s for sure. I started this journey 9 months ago and I have reduced from 75 mgs per night to 32.5 mgs per night. So when I look at the figures, I am pleased with the progress. I get impatient sometimes but I’m getting there. Slowly but surely.

[ChessieCat]

10 hours ago, Steve61 said:

I have reduced from 75 mgs per night to 32.5 mgs per night. So when I look at the figures, I am pleased with the progress. I get impatient sometimes but I’m getting there. Slowly but surely.

 

That is great!  Well done.

 

Impatience is something that I think every member on this site struggles with.  I've gone from 100mg Pristiq to 5mg in 3 y 2 m and am very pleased about it yet just this morning was thinking maybe I could try jumping off.  The fact that I've only just got my next batch of capsules made up and it cost me $75 helps to remind me that it's a silly idea.  5mg seems such a small amount, and in the physical sense it is.  However, the brain doesn't see it that way.  I think it would be so much easier if we were able to see or measure what is happening but we can't.  So we have to trust the experience of those who have gone before us.

[Steve61]

3 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

That is great!  Well done.

 

Impatience is something that I think every member on this site struggles with.  I've gone from 100mg Pristiq to 5mg in 3 y 2 m and am very pleased about it yet just this morning was thinking maybe I could try jumping off.  The fact that I've only just got my next batch of capsules made up and it cost me $75 helps to remind me that it's a silly idea.  5mg seems such a small amount, and in the physical sense it is.  However, the brain doesn't see it that way.  I think it would be so much easier if we were able to see or measure what is happening but we can't.  So we have to trust the experience of those who have gone before us.

Thanks for all your help CC. I couldn’t have got to the stage I am at without help and info off you and others. I hope that you have a peaceful Christmas.

Steve x

[Carmie]

Hi Steve, 

 

How are you doing? You’ve done well getting down to 32.5mg. Yes, keep that impatience of yours at bay and continue with the slow and steady. It’s the only way to go. 

 

When we look back we can all see how far we’ve come. 

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Steve61]

Thanks Carmie. Well got through Christmas !!  I alternated between extreme highs and lows. Almost manic, I think. But it was okay. I enjoyed a lot of it. Was surrounded by people Christmas Day and Boxing Day, which usually sends my social anxiety into overdrive but it wasn’t too bad. I actually enjoyed a lot of the company. My lows came after everyone left. A bit back to front for me. I’m normally happy on my own . Never know what to expect really. I’m  spending New Year at  a Buddhist Centre. A sort of retreat . I haven’t got a clue what it will be like but it seemed a good idea when I booked it !!

 

Thanks to everyone for all your help. I wouldn’t have got this far without you all.

I hope that 2019 brings peace and healing to you all in your journey to be drug free

Steve

[powerback]

38 minutes ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks Carmie. Well got through Christmas !!  I alternated between extreme highs and lows. Almost manic, I think. But it was okay. I enjoyed a lot of it. Was surrounded by people Christmas Day and Boxing Day, which usually sends my social anxiety into overdrive but it wasn’t too bad. I actually enjoyed a lot of the company. My lows came after everyone left. A bit back to front for me. I’m normally happy on my own . Never know what to expect really. I’m  spending New Year at  a Buddhist Centre. A sort of retreat . I haven’t got a clue what it will be like but it seemed a good idea when I booked it !!

 

Thanks to everyone for all your help. I wouldn’t have got this far without you all.

I hope that 2019 brings peace and healing to you all in your journey to be drug free

Steve

Enjoy your retreat steve .

Happy new year.

[Steve61]

2 hours ago, powerback said:

Enjoy your retreat steve .

Happy new year.

Thanks PB. Happy New Year to you my friend. How is the change to Prozac going ?

[powerback]

3 minutes ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks PB. Happy New Year to you my friend. How is the change to Prozac going ?

Up ,down down down,up down ,up down and so on steve .

I was under no iliusion it was my silver bullet to start with.the new year just simply needs to bring a change .

I noticed some binge eating creeping back in ,at least it not drink .

Take care