LarryS: tapering off venlafaxine / Effexor 225mg

[rmce72a]

So glad to see your post, Larry. I am so glad to hear you are Covid negative and your WD is progressing. Take care

[RachelSusan]

@LarryS I was pleased to see your post. Sorry to hear about the Covid in regard to both you and your wife but glad you both tested negative.

 

I am glad the tapering is going so smoothly for you.

 

Thanks again for posting.

[LarryS]

Five Week Hold: 20% Drop From 1.88 mg

Dropping to 1.50 mg February 9, 2023.  To do this drop, I am cutting from 5 beads to 4 beads, each bead valued at 0.375 mg.  

 

Tapering over the past five weeks has gone smoothly.  Back pain and neck pain have been constant and significant.  Neck pain has been accompanied by what I will call cognitive fog quite often lately.  Performing basic tasks becomes more difficult when I experience cognitive fog.  I can obtain some short-term relief by icing, hot bath and massage.

 

I turn 75 years old this February.  I continue to provide caregiving to my wife who has vascular dementia.  

 

Scores below are the average over the past 35 days of the drop period.  

Anhedonia      3.00    Feeling caring about myself and others with some motivation.

Insomnia         2.62    Slept minimum 7 hours with 2+ interruptions during the night.

Fatigue            4.11    Mild to moderate fatigue all day.

Head-pressure    1.37    No headache or odd feelings in my head.  Clear head.

Back Pain        7.08    Uncomfortable pain.

Neck Pain       6.51    Uncomfortable pain.

 

I consider a score of 7 and above getting into the hard to tolerate range.

Scores in all categories have moderately increased since the previous tapering period.  The overall score is below my previous highest overall score.
 

[rmce72a]

Hello Larry. I am so happy that you are able to continue your taper and that it is so far, so good. I am down from 75 XR to 73 XR in 8 months.

 

Saw my doc today who told me that even though he has supported me in the slow taper/bead counting, he is very worried about overall health. I, too, am 75 years old and have lost 25% of my body weight in 9 months due to food and supplement intolerance. He says I look anorexic, and if this continues, I will not last a year as other body systems/organs are starting to suffer due to inadequate nutrition and my constant high anxiety. I have refused everything he has suggested for 2 years (bridge drugs, changing AD, fast taper, etc.), because I want to follow the safe protocols and guidance here and not de-stabilize my CNS more. 

 

I just don't know what to do and where to turn. I know I am growing weaker...I can feel it. But I want to heal my CNS and get off this drug safely. I knew none of this would be easy, but I did not think it could kill me. What do you think?

[LarryS]

@rmce72a  Based upon what you are telling me, your health is very concerning.  All I can recommend is that you continue to seek professional help. 

 

I read all of your page 7 blog.  

 

@FindRest  Relates well with you and I like his advice for you.

[rmce72a]

Thank you so much.

[LarryS]

Five Week Hold: 25% Drop From 1.50 mg

 

Dropping to 1.13 mg March 16, 2023.  To do this drop, I am cutting from 4 beads to 3 beads, each bead valued at 0.375 mg.  

 

Tapering over the past five weeks has gone smoothly.  

 

Back pain and neck pain have been constant and significant.  Sometimes my neck pain is accompanied by feeling like I am in a cognitive fog.  Occasionally I have also experienced balance instability.  I consulted with the doctor, that has given me pain relief shots in my low back previously, yesterday.  I discussed my neck pain issues.  My first step is to get an updated MRI of my neck today.

 

Scores below are the average over the past 35 days of the drop period.  
Anhedonia      3.00    Feeling caring about myself and others with some motivation.

Insomnia         3.14    Slept minimum 6 hours with 1 interruption during the night.

Fatigue           3.02    Minor fatigue after noon.

Head-pressure    1.00    No headache or odd feelings in my head.  Clear head.

Back Pain       6.57    Uncomfortable pain.

Neck Pain      6.42    Uncomfortable pain.

 

I consider a score of 7 and above getting into the hard to tolerate range.  I scored 19 days with back pain of 7 during this last period.  I scored 12 days with neck pain of 7 or above during this last period.  The average scores above for both back and neck pain slightly decreased from the previous period scores.
 

[RachelSusan]

@LarryS I dropped by to wish you good luck with your most recent taper.  You seem to be doing well. I do wish your neck and back pain was lower, as do you. 

 

You had so much going on medically last year, I am pleased that you have recovered.

 

Stay well.

Edited March 16, 2023 by RachelSusan

[LarryS]

Five Week Hold: 50% Drop From 1.13 mg

 

Dropping to 0.75 mg April 20, 2023.  To do this drop, I am cutting from 3 beads to 2 beads, each bead valued at 0.375 mg.  

 

Tapering over the past five weeks has been routine and in the background of what I am experiencing daily.    

Back pain and neck pain have been constant and difficult to deal with.  Weekly massage can give some short term relief but is inadequate by itself to control the neck pain issue.  Sometimes my neck pain is accompanied by feeling like I am in a cognitive fog.  The MRI scan of the neck only described some degradation in the spine area of my neck.  The doctor states in layman’s terms that I have a “good amount of arthritis in the joints that could be contributing to some of the pain” in my neck.  I also “have some wearing down around some of the disks in the neck as well.”  I visited the doctor and discussed treatment with her.  I will be proceeding with two preliminary test treatments next week.  This will provide me with an opportunity to give feedback to the doctor regarding effectiveness of the treatment.  My hope for this treatment is that it will lessen the pain and stiffness in my neck and reduce the cognitive fog that I am experiencing.

 

Scores below are the average over the past 35 days of the drop period.  
Anhedonia      3.17    Feeling caring about myself and others with some motivation.

Insomnia         3.34    Slept minimum 6 hours with 1 interruption during the night.

Fatigue            4.74    Mild to moderate fatigue all day.

Head-pressure    4.37    Very light head pressure.

Back Pain        6.97    Uncomfortable pain.

Neck Pain        6.74    Uncomfortable pain.

 

I consider a score of 7 and above getting into the hard to tolerate range.  I scored 28 days with back pain of 7 or above during this last period.  I scored 25 days with neck pain of 7 or above during this last period.  The average scores above for both back and neck pain significantly increased from the previous period scores.  I mentioned experiencing cognitive fog 9 times in my notes.  This cognitive fog is particularly concerning to me because it affects my ability to perform daily duties.

 

The score for “Head-pressure” understates what is going on in my head.  This category also includes headache type symptoms as the score goes to 7 and above.  Experiencing cognitive fog is also included in this category.  

Each year my physical health issues have slowly but steadily gotten worse as I progress in my 70’s.  Why do they call it the “golden years”?  Perhaps because you definitely need some gold to help you hire the help you will need as you age.  I currently obtain help to clean the home, do yard work and clean the roof and gutters.

 

I have recently completed a course called “Powerful Tools for Caregivers”.  I continue to do caregiving for my wife who has dementia.  She can do all the basic functions of daily self-care.  I have not hired any caregiver help yet.   We continue to live in our home.
 

[FindRest]

Larry, you continue to amaze me. What a trooper! Your tracking and perseverance is helpful to many here trying to taper Venlafaxine.

 

I wanted to touch on something that may or may not apply to you. Over the years, I’ve been in contact with many of our peers who are tapering Effexor. A small group of us longterm users are nearing the end of our tapers around the same time so have kept in contact. One thing we’ve noticed is that things begin to get extra strange with the last three beads. This seems to be much more obvious with name-brand Effexor, but is also a problem with some generics as well. We think it may have something to do with the time-release not lasting a full 24 hours. With Effexor, the beads are basically 3-4 sizes. According to our best interpretation from Pfizer, the size of beads are determined by the amount of time-release coating. This may or may not be the same with generics.
 

Some who were down to 2-3 beads on generic ven started having increased brain fog, depersonalization, and other symptoms they hadn’t had in years from their slow methodical tapers (same thing as what was happening to Effexor users). Upon looking at their beads further, they too noticed a slight variation in bead sizes. A few noticed no difference. Regardless, their symptoms increased significantly when they got down to 2-3 beads. 
 

The interesting thing is, after the increase in symptoms, several decided to go directly to zero, knowingly going against their methodical 1 bead drop and what they have learned over the years. ALL of them reported feeling much better going to zero than when they were on 2-3 beads. We’re not exactly sure of what that all means, but it seems significant. Our only theory is that when down to 2 beads, and perhaps 3, there seems to be a problem with the drug giving us full 24-hour coverage, making the brain/cns ping pong back and forth due to the short half-life of ven. 
 

Just wanted to share this with you in case it applies. Maybe the brain fog you are experiencing is a result of this phenomenon. No one can say for sure as the pharmaceutical companies sure aren’t telling us. 

Edited April 22, 2023 by FindRest

[LarryS]

@FindRest  Thank you for the compliment.  It is good to know that others are benefiting from something I am doing.

 

Thank you very much for sharing about the effect others have experienced at 3 beads and below.  I have been aware that others who have tapered Effexor (Venlafaxine) have found symptoms increasing at the lower doses.  However, you have provided new detailed information regarding symptoms of cognitive fog and depersonalization which I have not been aware of.  This has given me very good ideas for thought and consideration.  I like the idea of stopping at my current dose of 0.75 mg of active ingredient.  I have previously read that stopping at 1 mg should be an acceptable jumping off point.  Now that I am below 1 mg, I do believe it is time to jump off venlafaxine.  The worse that can happen is that I come back to 2 beads.  I do understand that there will be lingering symptoms for perhaps several months.

 

Going back into my notes I see my back and neck pain ramping up at the end of December 2022.  I was at 2.25 mg venlafaxine then.  My first note mentioning cognitive fog was January 16, 2023, when I was at 1.88 mg venlafaxine.  Since cognitive fog was a new experience for me, I was just starting to become concerned enough to start taking notes about it.  I have been contributing my cognitive fog to my arthritic spinal degeneration in my neck, but perhaps some of it is also coming from my tapering off venlafaxine.   The cognitive fog has seemed to follow along with how my neck was feeling.

 

If you are willing, could you provide me with not more than two links to the most pertinent information you are referring to regarding people experiencing cognitive fog and depersonalization on low doses.  Thanks again for providing me with this information.  

[FindRest]

2 hours ago, LarryS said:

If you are willing, could you provide me with not more than two links to the most pertinent information you are referring to regarding people experiencing cognitive fog and depersonalization on low doses.  Thanks again for providing me with this information.  

I don’t have a link, as my observations are based on a small group of us who communicate with each other online. We had met in another Effexor group and decided to ride this long journey out together. None of us belong to the old group anymore. Most of us were moderators there at one time or another. Anywho, we’ve just kept in communication with one another and have spent the better part of the last 1.5 years trying to find some kind of rhyme or reason with Effexor/ven beads and especially the end taper.

 

As you’re probably already aware, brain fog and depersonalization is a very common wd symptom for some. What we’ve noticed is that when our CNS was destabilized in the beginning of some of our tapers, the symptoms you describe were common. Then, they slowly went away as we became stabilized. Now, years later, as some get to those last 3-4 beads, the early WD symptoms returned. Definitely more so on 2 beads. Lots of brain fog, depersonalization and anxiety, and just the overall icky feeling that many of us felt in the beginning. It’s like our CNS was becoming unstable again and extra sensitive. 
 

We still haven’t concluded anything definitively, but it sure seems like there’s something going on with the lack of 24-hour coverage in the end. That’s why a few decided to go directly to zero after reaching 3 beads. They felt better doing that rather than continuing like they were. Several more then tried it and had good results. Of course, like you’ve stated, the withdrawal symptoms don’t magically go away once we get to zero. There’s still a lot of healing to do. 

 

That said, neck problems can also cause brain fog. Tapering Effexor can also cause neck pain and other body pain. In the beginning, after my CT, that was by far one of my worst symptoms. How to tell which is causing what is the big question.

 

I haven’t searched in the group yet to see if anyone else on low doses of ven complain of brain fog or DP. I think there’s a thread on brain fog in general here, as well as one on depersonalization. Let me know if you need me to find those for you, but they are in terms of general tapering of AD’s.

 

I’ll be interested to see what you decide to do. I need to update my signature, but I’m at 10 beads now.

 

Edited April 24, 2023 by FindRest

[LarryS]

@FindRest 

 

Thanks for the additional detail about the subject cognitive fog and depersonalization at 3 to 2 beads.  This information will not only help me but others who read it.  💜

 

😎

[LarryS]

Hello recent Mentors:   @FindRest  @RachelSusan  @arbor  

 

I believe it is now the time to drop to zero venlafaxine.  I plan on doing this May 5.  I introduced myself June 5, 2018, and it has been a unique learning maturing journey.  This journey will have taken 4 years and 11 months.

 

I have made the mistake of taking action without asking for input in the past.  I don't want to do that again.

 

If you have any advice, observation or instruction that you would like to offer up, now would be a good time for me to listen up.

 

Thank you again for your past input into my journey.  

 

[RachelSusan]

@LarryS  I think it is your body we should ask.  Have you had any symptoms the last few times you have made a cut? This month you said the cuts were routine and uneventful which is great however you mentioned cognitive fog. @FindRest had a very plausible opinion on the cognitive fog. I can't claim having done any research on that so I am cannot weight in on that.

 

Normally I would encourage a few more cuts before going off completely however I know you are counting beads so it is not all that easy and there is the cognitive fog issue which I can't have an opinion on either way. So I circle back to my first sentence, let's ask your body and you will have your answer.

 

I am also interested in what the rest of your fans suggest. Sometimes we all have different opinions but the common thread is that we all have your best interest in mind.

 

Regardless if you decide to wait and do a few more cuts or do it May 5, I want to congratulate you. You have had so many things that you were up against and yet you persevered. You truly are a warrior and a survivor.

[arbor]

Congratulations @LarryS  This is a huge accomplishment.  One thing I might say is, don't be thrown if symptoms come up after your last dose.   From what I've read it takes time for the drug to leave the cell membranes, and for the membranes to heal. No matter what, I am looking forward to your recovery.  This marks a truly important event.  

Please keep us posted!

Sending springtime wishes from Portland,

Arbor

[FindRest]

Personally, I think you’re making a good decision from what you have described of your last cut from 3 beads to 2. I know it’s scary, as the rule-of-thumb on other ADs has been to cut down to the last bead. But, Effexor has a much-shorter half-life and we don’t know how much time-release coating is in a particular bead. As I’ve stated in my other posts on your thread, others have found going to zero when down to 2 or 3 beads worked better than continuing to taper 1 bead at a time.

 

As @arbor noted, you will most-likely continue to have symptoms for awhile after coming off. None of us long-term users know how long healing will take once we get completely off. I think the keys are going to be 1) continuing to rate your symptoms, 2)continuing to keep your good attitude and perseverance, and 3) trying to remain calm on those days that may be more difficult than others.
 

Please keep us posted. You have been an amazing example to many of us. You've gone through adversity while tapering, continue to care for your wife, and keep going regardless of what is thrown in your path. You’ve also documented your journey for the rest of us. Thank you. Now, we’re cheering you on! 

Edited May 1, 2023 by FindRest

[LarryS]

I want to address @FindRest input first, and then I will address RachelSusan and arbor, each in a separate post.

 

I have stated in the resent past that I felt that venlafaxine had no hold on me, but I would continue to taper the beads per my original plan.  Even though I had made this statement, there was no way to really know for sure, and I was reluctant to find out.  Besides, I have nothing but time on my hands to be patient.  

 

Your revelation about what others have experienced at 2 to 3 beads of venlafaxine was very good news to me.  I have no fear that if I now go to zero that I will not be able to handle whatever comes.  I am aware that I may feel symptoms from venlafaxine for a few more months.  This is exciting for me.  I'm all in.  

 

I do not attribute all my symptoms to venlafaxine.  My back and neck pain I attribute totally to arthritis.  I have a history of fatigue long before venlafaxine came into my life.  Even though I am experiencing some significant insomnia lately, I feel strong enough to keep going.  Because I am retired, I can take relaxation and nap breaks during my day to re-energize me.  I do attribute some of the increased insomnia to venlafaxine, but not all of it.  As a caregiver to my wife, I have learned that I am in one of the most stressful situations that a human being can be in.  I have accepted that challenge and know that I must keep my life as simple as possible, so as not to add unnecessary burdens to it.  

 

Insomnia brings fatigue, fatigue brings anhedonia, and all these bring feelings of something going on in my head.  Sometimes it feels like pressure in my head.  Sometimes I can feel clear headed.  Sometimes my stiff hurting neck can cause a near headache.

 

Due to success story reports here on this site, I can have high hopes for some relief from some of my current symptoms with anhedonia, insomnia, fatigue and head-pressure.  I do not believe I will ever totally eliminate fatigue from my life.  I have learned how to deal with it.  

 

At age 75 I am going through the normal aging process which means deterioration of various organs and body parts.  I am not going to live forever.  I can accept where I am at physically, because it is just the normal process of aging.  I maintain the best I know how, with good food, walking outside and moving at the gym.

 

The doctors say that I am in very good health for my age.  I am aware that not everyone going through the tapering process can say this.  My heart goes out to them in their various situations.  We are all uniquely created and gifted with talents and physical attributes.  What I am writing may be an encouragement to those who consider themselves to have closely similar attributes.

 

I am enthusiastic to move forward to zero venlafaxine NOW (May 5, 2023).  😎

 

Spring brings on new life and fantastic beauty in the great northwest of the United State of America.  What a wonderful time to begin a new life!

 

 

[Faure]

Hi Larry, I wish you every success in your move to zero. It sounds a very reasonable thing to do. Keep us posted as to how you are ☺️

Edited May 2, 2023 by Faure

[LarryS]

On 4/30/2023 at 6:11 PM, RachelSusan said:

I think it is your body we should ask.  Have you had any symptoms the last few times you have made a cut? This month you said the cuts were routine and uneventful which is great however you mentioned cognitive fog.

 

I do so much appreciate your feedback @RachelSusan

 

I ask my brain each day as I track my symptoms to interpret what is going on in my body with each symptom.  Every symptom that I track has never been at zero value during this journey.   I keep daily notes of what I am doing that day as well as assigning a value to each of the symptoms I track.  Every couple of weeks I transcribe my data into a spreadsheet.  I highlight values of 7 and above in my spreadsheet which gives a visual view of where my greatest symptoms are and how persistent they are.

 

I have just updated my spreadsheet, looked at notes and patterns of my symptoms.  I have read that there are many issues that can cause cognitive fog.  In my case I believe that both physical neck issues such as arthritis, stiffness and pain are contributing to cognitive fog.   I also believe that fatigue is a contributor to cognitive fog.  I have both going on daily.  

 

It is notable that the cognitive fog started to become more noticeable at 3 beads.  Since dropping to 2 beads, insomnia has become very persistent, which contributes to fatigue, which contributes to cognitive fog.  I am experiencing some of the worst insomnia I have ever experienced.  

 

Utilizing beads to drop to the lowest level of drug possible is like doing cold turkey in slow motion.  People have gone cold turkey from 75 mg of venlafaxine, paid a high price regarding symptoms, but have survived and come out of it in the end.  I am going to go cold turkey from 0.75 mg.  A huge difference in value.

 

My options are:  

1.  Hold a month or more at 0.75 mg and continue to suffer hard symptoms.  Then eventually drop to one bead and continue to suffer hard symptoms.  And then drop to zero and suffer hard symptoms for a while.

2.  Drop now to 0 and suffer hard symptoms for who knows how long?  I believe I will come out of the hard symptoms sooner than option 1.   I have faith that I will not suffer more than I am able to bear.

 

Effexor/ Venlafaxine is poison.  I have researched this on the internet and written about my findings in this introductions post. The sooner I can get the poison out of my system, the sooner I will be able to heal completely.

 

This worrier chooses the path less traveled by, perhaps.  I don't really know how many have chosen each path.  I have been paying a high price for my freedom from venlafaxine for 4 years and 11 months.  It is time to finish paying the price for my freedom from this nasty drug.

 

My mind tells me I have made a logical choice as others have apparently made per FindRest's statements.

 

We all can be very appreciative of those who have gone before us in this journey and shared their experiences with us, so that me may make better decisions for our own situations.  

[LarryS]

On 4/30/2023 at 6:17 PM, arbor said:

Congratulations @LarryS  This is a huge accomplishment.  One thing I might say is, don't be thrown if symptoms come up after your last dose.   From what I've read it takes time for the drug to leave the cell membranes, and for the membranes to heal. No matter what, I am looking forward to your recovery. 

 

Thank you for your comments @arbor

 

I am anticipating ongoing difficult symptoms after dropping to zero.  I am looking forward to the challenge and my recovery.

[RachelSusan]

@LarryS I have always admired your logic when making decisions. It is clear that logic prevails once more in your decision making process. I remain impressed. Congrats on your upcoming drop and recovery.

[QueenElisabeth]

@LarryS
For years I have followed your progress, admired and envied your progress, and respected your precision and perseverance in how you made your notes on this platform.
I am moved to see you come off and congratulate you from the bottom of my heart with the next giant leap for you to become a beautiful, antidepressant-free human being.
Sending you love and light from the other side of the world.

 

[LarryS]

Hello @QueenElisabeth

 

Thank you so much for your appreciative thoughts and observations about my progress.  It blesses me to know that you, and others, find something of interest in how I have progressed through my venlafaxine journey.

 

I just re-read your posts and about your journey.  It saddens me when I see others such as yourself struggling to make significant progress in tapering from Effexor/ Venlafaxine.

 

I do appreciate that in the midst of your own taper you are reaching out to help others by coaching them in what you understand about tapering and supportive methods to overcome the hurdles put it our paths.  I am sure it provides some pleasure and happiness when you realize that they have been helped along their way because of your care provided to them.

 

Blessings and a hug,

 

Larry

 

 

[LarryS]

It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood.  Why?  Because I'm excited to say, "Today I am going to ZERO."

 

It is also springtime here in the beautiful northwest of the USA.  The trees, bushes and flowers are showing off their colors.  I also feel like showing off, but that could be taken as disrespectful of others who are still trying to find their way to ZERO.

 

I would not be taking this step today, if @FindRest had not supplied me with valuable information that I was not aware of.  Thanks again.

 

I strongly believe this is the correct tactic for me.  @RachelSusan called me "a warrior and a survivor".  I love this and this has provided me with many good thoughts.

 

On 4/30/2023 at 6:17 PM, arbor said:

This marks a truly important event.  

Please keep us posted!

 

I will keep you posted, @arbor and all.

 

Larry

[RachelSusan]

@LarryS This is fantastic. Congratulations.  You did it slowly and thoughtfully and now here you are.  I am extremely happy for you.  And yes indeed, you are truly a warrior and a survivor.  Yay Larry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You made it.

[arbor]

Dear @LarryS   The greens of spring appear brighter as I read your news.  I am deeply glad for you.  No matter what the bumps, you are heading for recovery free of the influence of venlafaxine.  One of the best things I've done for myself is get off AD's, especially as I get older.  I read that these drugs can remain in cell membranes for awhile after final discontinuation, but that ultimately their removal is "persistent."  I share this study because should there be lingering symptoms, it points to a reason, and above all, that the condition will get better.  

Antidepressants Produce Persistent Gαs-Associated Signaling ...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov › articles › PMC8382257

by NB Senese · 2021 · Cited by 6 — We show that suppression of lipid raft Gαs signaling persists for an extended time period after antidepressant withdrawal....

 

Celebrating with you,

Arbor

[LarryS]

@arbor  Thanks for giving me an opportunity to read this "Molecular Pharmacology" report. I see that it involves the study of many antidepressant drugs, including venlafaxine.  I also see that the lingering effects in a human cell last about 24 hours after discontinuation of the drug.  This research study furthers the knowledge base regarding effects and changes in cells.  The following statement summarizes the potential future uses to which this study may be applied.

 

These events may reflect cellular adaptations to antidepressant treatment that contribute to antidepressant discontinuation syndromes and may aid in the discovery of new treatments and strategies to mitigate the symptoms of depression and antidepressant withdrawal.

 

Thank You,

 

Larry

[FindRest]

I am so happy for you, Larry!! You ARE a true warrior and survivor! Your journey is giving us long-haulers so much hope. Keep us posted throughout your post-taper, as that too will help all of us learn more about what may lie ahead. ❤️

[LarryS]

@FindRest  As predicted, here I am at day 5 since zero and I have hit the wall of insomnia, fatigue, mild headache, cognitive fog.

I am staying home, napping a lot.

I today have alerted my daughter who is my healthcare advocate and lives within a 30-minute drive from me.

I have alerted my son who lives about 10-minutes away also.

I also have some wonderful neighbors and friends.

I'm thankful I can count on them.

 

 

[FindRest]

I’m sorry, Larry. I hope you’ll get some good windows during all of this. It’s going to be rocky for a bit as your body protests. I too am glad you have loved ones to look after you. ❤️

[LarryS]

Today May 9 has been a difficult day regarding symptoms.  I will share what it has been like today, to give you the reader, a glimpse of what might be a similar story which has previously been written, but certainly from my unique experience.

 

I went to bed late the night before, about 11 pm (unsure of time, unlike me).  I awakened 1.5 hours later, about say 12:30 am, I am unclear on this.  I was having difficulty sleeping, did not feel like I could fall back to sleep, so I got up.  Enthusiastic thoughts were going through my mind, so I sat down at my computer to write.  I did intend to go back to bed at some time.

 

I have been trying to put a report together for the 15-day period prior to jumping to zero.  I was having difficulty concentrating.  This may have been the third time I had come back to the report, trying to piece it together.  It was progressing, but much slower than normal for me.   I did finally feel the tired eyes and went back to bed at 3:16 am, that, I am sure.  I put my CPAP gear on and tried to fall back to sleep.  I may have briefly fallen asleep, but hard to know.  I got out of bed at 6:20 am with about 4 hours of bedtime rest.  I was not satisfied with rest.

 

I had a difficult time making breakfast, but managed to get French toast, fruit, chi tea, supplements, and medications on the table.  The fatigue and cognitive fog where present with me.  The insomnia has been worsening over the weeks.

 

I opted to go back to bed immediately after breakfast.  I put on my CPAP gear and managed to clock another   1-hour and 15 minutes.  Unsatisfied again.  The NAP was over at 9:33 am.

 

I was feeling so crumby I decided to let my daughter and son know about my condition.  I left two voicemails.  My daughter who is in college, did get back to me later.  She is a mature student in her very early 40's.

 

I opted not to drive my wife to her beloved class at the Senior Center.  She knew it was the right call.  I sat around doing little but TV.   In the afternoon I tried another nap and logged 0:58 minutes.  No use.

 

I was stiff from the bed and decided to loosen up with a hot bath.  With or without Epson Salts, this relaxes muscles and provides some energy to me.

 

Thank goodness for leftovers.  An easy spread for dinner.

 

It is currently 8:30 pm as I write this.  I feel so slow.

 

This is what the warrior signed up for.  I will get through this.

 

I have had some amazing thoughts pass through my mind today as I take it easy.  I don't have the energy to get them down on paper, darn.  I have been recognizing that I have renewed emotions. I can't remember when I may have had a similar emotion long ago.   I'm glad they are returning.  They are welcomed and wholesome emotions.

[FindRest]

1 hour ago, LarryS said:

I have been recognizing that I have renewed emotions. I can't remember when I may have had a similar emotion long ago.   I'm glad they are returning.  They are welcomed and wholesome emotions.

How exciting! At least there are some rays of sunshine mixed in with all of the not-so-fun symptoms. Thank you for giving us an honest account of what it’s like now that you are at zero. 
 

i am impressed by your breakfast! I only have enough energy to prepare a bowl of cheerios and a glass of milk. 
 

Have you thought about using a tape recorder (or your cell phone) to record your thoughts and feelings for the day? It’s much easier for me to talk than to think and type at the same time. Then, at some later point you can type it out (or use an app that automatically types out your voice messages).

 

At 10 beads, the insomnia has really kicked in for me. I’ve noticed if I take a small amount of melatonin (about 2 mg) it helps get me back to sleep. I try not to do it often.

 

❤️

[LarryS]

14 hours ago, FindRest said:

i am impressed by your breakfast! I only have enough energy to prepare a bowl of cheerios and a glass of milk. 

 

My hope for you is that you would find the energy to add some wholesome fruit to you morning breakfast.

 

14 hours ago, FindRest said:

Have you thought about using a tape recorder (or your cell phone) to record your thoughts and feelings for the day? It’s much easier for me to talk than to think and type at the same time. Then, at some later point you can type it out (or use an app that automatically types out your voice messages).

 

I have used voice recordings in the past but have not thought about it lately.  Thanks for the tip.

 

14 hours ago, FindRest said:

At 10 beads, the insomnia has really kicked in for me. I’ve noticed if I take a small amount of melatonin (about 2 mg) it helps get me back to sleep. I try not to do it often.

 

Last night I took 3 mg of melatonin.  Due to the pain, I suffer constantly, I also took a Hydrocodone-Acetaminophen 5-325 mg.  I have had one in the medicine chest for some time, and for a time such as this.  As anticipated it helped me get a little more quality sleep last night.  I could feel the difference in the early morning, but now at 1:00 pm, it has worn off and I'm back to full symptoms.

 

Question:  Why do you try not to take melatonin often?

[arbor]

Thinking of you, @LarryS

Arbor💜

[FindRest]

Ha, you are correct in that I need to add at least fruit to my breakfast. Unfortunately, I do have serious intestinal issues where I am restricted to a low-fiber diet, so any fruit with skins is out. The rest has to be puréed or canned. But, I can add those to my breakfast. Thanks for the reminder. I will make it a point to do that.

 

The reason I limit the melatonin is two-fold: 1) it doesn’t agree with my sensitive cns sometimes, and 2) I’m still on a daily dose of Ambien. It hasn’t worked well for years, but I’ve been very slowly tapering it over that past 3 years. I haven’t tapered any this year, however, as I wanted to focus on the Effexor taper since my body (unrelated health issues) seemed to be healthier these days. I probably won’t resume the Ambien taper until I’ve been off Effexor for awhile.

Edited May 11, 2023 by FindRest