deejay: 34 years old recovery in process

[deejay]

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

We can't take that responsibility, deejay, but you can. Have you been able to find a face-to-face counselor?

 

We need that drug and symptom journal.

 

will put up todays journal at the end of the day if that is ok. I have not talked to a face to face councillor as yet I beleave my head needs to stabalize alot more first, if it can be. My panic/fear is telling me to get Professional help and get admitted but my heart is saying stick it out, listen to you guys and put all my faith in that you guys do know exactly what is going on in and that I can overcome this. They want e to have E.C.T because the Zoloft no longer works evan though I'm still taking it, they can't understand why it doesn't work anymore and neither can I. I beleave it's more than just "poop out" It's something upstairs. So I'm worried if I do go in, I won't respond to any other AD and their hand will be forced. If I knew for a fact that E.C.T would make me feel better and take away all these syptoms I would do it but I don't think it would. Worried it will only scramble y brain evan further. I wish I had of kept a detailed daily journal from the 3rd March.

 

The only reason I started the benzo's was to try and get rid of the pain but the more I took I found it relieved my anxiety and just kept going. Just another proble ontop of an already massive problem. I know i'm dependant on them because I can't cope without them but I need to get off them. I just wish that the Zoloft would do it's thing and I can stabalize on a dose, everything has still been a frenzy with the meds but i'm stopping that right now. All I'm wanting is to feel good again, and have all the fear/terror go away. The benzo's don't make me feel happy, they just ease the Akathasia and anxiety and lets my body relax for a short time.

 

I mentioned all my symptoms and the fact that I literally cannot sit still all day or when in bed and she put it all down to anxiety. I didn't know about akathisia until a few days ago but it all fits in. Every morning when I wake up all I do is toss and turn and have to keep clenching my legs arms/torso. It's more than anxiety, I know aniety isn't helping it but this horrible feeling of restlessness is a killer.

[deejay]

7 hours ago, Altostrata said:

We can't take that responsibility, deejay, but you can. Have you been able to find a face-to-face counselor?

 

We need that drug and symptom journal.

todays journal will be put up tonight

[deejay]

Has anyone here experienced this? It has been going on for 5 months. 

 

Involuntarily talking under your breath to yourself? I have found it's a lot worse when I'm incredibly anxious but still evan when I'm not. It's like my brain is forcing me to talk.

 

A lot of the time I can stop it but a lot of the time as well it slips out. Mainly just nonsense things but the bad thoughts as well. It feels like I have become possessed. Like someone is trying to talk for me. It just feels like my brain has been completely scrambled.

 

And when I do stop myself, I will say the first word then here the audiable version of what I was about to say in my head. This has been happening ever since my head went all funny on the 3rd March.

 

It's worse when I'm trying to fall asleep and waking.

 

Also with the hypnogogic hallucinations, I will be luying in bed having one, I know Im still awake but with my eyes closed, sometimes I'm dreaming that people are talking to me and I find myself talking back to them.

 

I've dreamt of an apple in my hand while still awake and found myself saying grace.

I've dreamt of someone giving me a cigarette and I find myself doing the actions of putting it in my mouth

 

When I'm in this hypnogogic state, if someone actually comes in and talks to me, at times I'm still dreaming of whatever but talk to that real person

 

Is this just an incredibly bad symptom on WD ? Or is this a symptom of something much more severe? Whenever it happens it just feels like I'm going mad or in the early stages of Dementia and it upsets me greatly.

[frasier23]

14 hours ago, deejay said:

Another question, were your meds instant for you in the way Zoloft was for me? 

Ive taken SSRI when I was younger and they had more or less instant positive effect. Zyprexa too bit never considered it positive. 

 

Regarding your vision. I had after images for a long time and still have in very rare stressfull moments. Hopefully it will go away as it did for me. I tried to stay in my home environment where I knew all my surroundings. It was scary. IF it became to scary I just when back to bed. 

[deejay]

9th July 2018

 

10:00pm - Took 2mg Ativan

11:00pm - Moderate jaw pain/ache

11:51pm - Severe GI Tract pain

11:56pm - Severe dizziness

Tue 10th June 2018

12:02am stabbing pain right chest

1:00am - moderate abdominable pain

3:52am - severe electrical nerve feeling both arms

4:30am - fell asleep

5:36am - woke with burning arms and drenched in sweat

5:41am - SEVERE gi tract pain

5:41am - akathisia pretty bad with inner trembling

6:07am - shooting pain right shoulder

6:30am - took 2mg Ativan & 175mg Zoloft

7:30am - fell asleep

9:30am - woke

10:33am - SEVERE stabbing pain from gi tract to throat

10:51am - dizzy

11:17am - stabbing pain abdomen

2:30pm SEVERE gi tract pain

1:00pm - rapid heart beat 3min approx

1:02pm - excruciating stabbing pain in left side throat

1:35pm - throbbing pain right outter chest (10 seconds)

1:36pm - sharb stabbing pain around right temple

4:00pm - 10:15 severe akathasia

10:15 - going to see if I can get some sleep

 

Sorry for the long list, but this is what I put up with on a daily basis.

 

[Altostrata]

deejay, from your signature, it seems you switched from Brintellix to Zoloft yesterday? Why did you do this? Why are you taking 200mg? Why are you taking it at night? Do you feel any differently now you're taking Zoloft?

 

Why do you say Zoloft no longer works for you? You haven't even been on it 2 days.

[deejay]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

deejay, from your signature, it seems you switched from Brintellix to Zoloft yesterday? Why did you do this? Why are you taking 200mg? Why are you taking it at night? Do you feel any differently now you're taking Zoloft?

 

Why do you say Zoloft no longer works for you? You haven't even been on it 2 days.

Another foolish mistake made my be, I thought that switching to this new AD would be beneficial but changing drugs AGAiN is only adding to my problems. I felt terrible after taking the 3 days worth. I went back up to 200mg thinking it would "kick in" and start working, another silly mistake. Im taking it in the morning, Zoloft no longer works for me as the happy good feeling it used to give me is just not there any more and I honestly don't think it will be returning. All the constant drug changes have essed me up entirely. Something deep down is just telling me to get off the Zoloft entirely, and just do an extremely safe taper off the benzo's. I honestly don't know what to do.

 

if you think I should be on a lower dose I am all ears.I dropped back down to 175mg yest as per your request a while back which I should have stuck to. but if you think I should be on a lower dose yet again then let me know.  During the past 5 months taking the Zoloft has just made me feel worse and worse and more sick. I meant to say that in the past prior to last year I sometimes took Zoloft at night, the last 5 months I have only taken it in the morning.

[Altostrata]

Stop jumping around with your drugs, deejay. If you can't maintain consistency in your drug intake, we cannot help you.

 

Every time you make a drug change, we need to see a week of symptom pattern before evaluating whether it was a good change. Keep on changing your drugs, and you're going to be making notes of your symptom pattern forever.

 

In my opinion, you need to balance out your benzo dosing, but since you've made this drug change, you're going to have to observe it for at least a week. If the benzo is causing your symptoms, you will have to suffer with them until the Zoloft change is sorted out. Do you understand what you're doing to yourself by jumping around with your drugs?

 

For the record, no one on this site is responsible for what you do but you. If you continue to make spontaneous changes in your drugs, we won't answer your questions any more.

[Altostrata]

By the way, in my opinion, you are seeking the high you used to get from Zoloft.

 

This is the behavior of a drug addict. As you have altered your nervous system with going on and off psychiatric drugs repeatedly, you're not going to get the high from them that you used to get. Give up on this. We cannot help you with this drug-seeking behavior. We don't deal with addiction here, and we don't support self-destructive behavior, which seems to be another habit of mind for you.

[deejay]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

By the way, in my opinion, you are seeking the high you used to get from Zoloft.

 

This is the behavior of a drug addict. As you have altered your nervous system with going on and off psychiatric drugs repeatedly, you're not going to get the high from them that you used to get. Give up on this. We cannot help you with this drug-seeking behavior. We don't deal with addiction here, and we don't support self-destructive behavior, which seems to be another habit of mind for you.

yes I understand

[deejay]

I forgot to mention, when I went back to the Optomotrist the other day to get my referral for my E.R.G, he discovered that both my eyes have turned inwards slightly. This would have have happened the day that I had the complete visual change as y eye sight had been %110 up until this day

[deejay]

Alto: Do you think my eye sight will return back to normal? I don't know if it's in my actual eyes or something has been damaged in my brain in which the signals get sent to the eyes. I'm hoping the E.R.G next week will be able to tell.

 

A very similar thing happened to this poor person, symptoms which are a lot the same as mine

https://rxisk.org/keeping-an-eye-on-the-ball-visual-problems-on-ssris/

[deejay]

Vocal outbursts can be voluntary (controlled) or semi-voluntary (occurring as a response to an impulse that is largely beyond an individual's control). Involuntary (or semi-voluntary) vocal outbursts are a feature of certain neurological conditions characterized by other types of tics, such as involuntary movements. The classic example is Tourette syndrome, but other neurological disturbances can result in vocal outbursts as well. Psychiatric conditions such as schizophrenia may have vocal outbursts as a symptom, and some people suffering from dementia or other forms of damage to the brain may display vocal outbursts in the form of uncontrolled or dysregulated speech. Alcohol and drug use can also lead to impairment of behavior and control, leading sometimes to vocal outbursts.

 

 

Echolalia —Involuntary echoing of the last word, phrase, or sentence spoken by someone else.

 

 

Tics after traumatic brain injury.
Ranjan N1, Nair KP, Romanoski C, Singh R, Venketswara G.
Author information
Abstract
BACKGROUND:
 
Tics are involuntary non-rhythmic, stereotyped muscle contractions which can be suppressed temporarily. Tics usually start during childhood as part of Tourette syndrome. Adult onset tics are infrequent. This study reports on an adult man who developed tics 1 year after severe traumatic brain injury (TBI).
METHODS:
 
Case report and review of literature.
RESULTS:
 
A 19-year-old man sustained TBI following a road traffic accident. He did not have tics or features of obsessive compulsive disorder before the brain injury. A year after injury he developed motor and vocal tics. Magnetic resonance image of the brain showed lesions in the basal ganglia. A search of databases Medline, EMBASE and CINHAL found only four publications on tics in adults with TBI. None of these reported cases had lesions in the basal ganglia.
CONCLUSION:
 
Tics are a rare complication of TBI. People with early onset post-traumatic tics may have had a previously unrecognized, mild tic disorder or a genetic predisposition for tics, which was unmasked by the TBI. In contrast, late post-traumatic tics could be due to delayed effects of injury on neural circuits connecting the frontal cortex and basal ganglia.
 

 

 

Edited July 17, 2018 by ChessieCat
unbolded font

[Altostrata]

deejay, much of what you're experiencing could be due to the irregular way you've been taking psychiatric drugs. It may take time for your nervous system to settle down.

 

I don't know what your eye condition might be, if it is due to withdrawal or an adverse reaction, or how long it will take you to recover from it.

 

I don't know why you posted that reference to echolalia. That paper is discussing organic brain damage. If you have a history of alcoholism, you might have organic brain damage.

 

Withdrawal syndrome is not organic brain damage.

[deejay]

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

deejay, much of what you're experiencing could be due to the irregular way you've been taking psychiatric drugs. It may take time for your nervous system to settle down.

 

I don't know what your eye condition might be, if it is due to withdrawal or an adverse reaction, or how long it will take you to recover from it.

 

I don't know why you posted that reference to echolalia. That paper is discussing organic brain damage. If you have a history of alcoholism, you might have organic brain damage.

 

Withdrawal syndrome is not organic brain damage.

 

I truly beleave I suffered some sort of horrific adverse reaction after I took that first dose back on 2nd March this year and the eye sight issue was a direct result.. No history of alcoholism as i don't drink. I have an E.R.G tomorrow so I guess that might show something. What I can only describe as vocal tics are my 2nd biggest concern below the eye sight issue. They are completely involuntary Alto I don't know how else to explain it and it's been happening ever since I woke up on the morning of the 4th March. I know I am suffering alot of typical severe WD symptoms, but these 2 other things just do not add up. Your eyes don't just go like that for no reason and have had perfect %100 vision my whole life prior. My cognitive functions, memory, concentration and ear problems also happened around about the same time as my vision then entered what I can also only describe as a dazed/semi-conscious state and have been like it ever since. I can barely account for anything that's happened since this all started, it feels like only 5 minutes has passed.

 

These"tics" if they are them, makes me think something has gone wrong upstairs. Their not out loud only under my breath and cannot control them. I know I don't have Tourette's Syndrome or Skitzophrenia so doesn't that just leave some sort of damage? Whenever they happen, %95 of the time an audible thought, "word or sentence" follows. Often the bad stuff but also nonsence sentances. 

[Altostrata]

Fine, see all the specialists and get all the tests you want.

You refuse to consider the more obvious explanation. Like a drug addict, you're in denial about your own irregular and compulsive drug use and the consequences of that.

 

I would like to see you apply yourself to getting on a regular drug schedule. We have posted dozens of times urging you to do this. This is getting very tiresome. If you don't show more dedication to that, you're wasting our time.

 

You also need to seek treatment for health anxiety, and stop posting about your doomy fantasies.

[deejay]

Tomorrow's appt is the only specialist I will be seeing.

[Altostrata]

We're much more interested in seeing your daily symptom pattern and a regular drug schedule, neither of which you've produced yet.

[Altostrata]

Hello, deejay. What is your symptom pattern now that you've evened out your benzo dosing? It might be time to reduce the Zoloft dosage.

[deejay]

Symptom pattern has remained the same if not worse

 

Sat 28th July 2018 - roughly 4 hours broken sleep

 

12:30am - fell asleep

4:00am - woke - SEVERE electric wave of nerve pain through legs and upper body - akathasia was torture, felt like bursting out of skin and took all my energy not to get up and run around the house. That's how bad these sleep-wake cycles are.. I don't know how many more mornings I am able to cope with like this as it's pushing me to my limit. The Akathasia is predominantly in my legs and lower body but it's getting to me torture.

6:00am - took 0.5mg ativan

6:46am - burning nerve sensation through legs and body

7:00am - took magnesium tablet

8:00am - took 175mg zoloft

8:19am - burning chest

9:26am - burning and stinging nerve pain in chest

9:46 - stabbing painin left chest, shoulder & neck

10:00am - took 0.5mg ativan

10;30am - dozing on/off - the same horrible wave of nerves goes over my whole body waking me up, as i wake severe inner panic and inner trembling

12:06pm - dizzy - pressure in head

12:16pm - sharp pain in throat

12:17pm - heavy pressure in chest & stinging nerves

12:23pm - racing heartbeat - stabbing pain in neck - burning abdomen

12:43pm - stabbing pain left chest

1:07pm - burning lower right chest

1:16pm - dizzy

1:23pm - stabbing across chest

2:00pm - took 0.5mg ativan

2:23pm - heavy in chest with sharp pains

3:26pm - stinging nerve pain left chest

4:15pm - stabbing left chest

6:00pm - took 0.5mg ativan

7:15pm - stabbing pain gitract and right chest and burning abdomen

7:45p - burning abdoen

[Altostrata]

How are you doing with that daily stretching and exercise?

 

This is only the second day you've been taking Ativan on that schedule?

[deejay]

i have been doing daily stretches from the video but i have not felt overall improveent as yet. it's been 13 days since taking ativan on that schedule. Shouldn't things have improved just a fraction over this period? Could the 175mg zoloft/day still be too high?

[deejay]

Sun 29th July 2018 - roughly 3 hours 45 minutes broken sleep. I had all the usual pains/burning sensations today, the same as yesterday. They were all about the same intensity.

 

12:00am - fell asleep

2:28am - woke - akathasia - anxiety/panic

3:30am? - fell asleep

4:12am - woke akathasia - severe panic/inner trembling - sweat all over

6:00am - took 0.5mg ativan

7;00am - took magnesium tablet

8:00am - took 175mg zoloft

9:16am - dizzy

10:00am - took 0.5mg ativan

10:30am - fell asleep

11;08am - woke - severe inner panic/tremors & sweat all over

11:50am - throbbing/numbing whole left leg - stabbing pain in left side of head (quite painful)

2:00pm - took 0.5mg ativan

6:00pm - took 0.5mg ativan

[Altostrata]

Do you feel you can reduce the Zoloft to 162.5mg per day?

[Banana121]

Hello Deejay, how are you doing? I'v been reading a bit through your thread and noticed that you said you have been mumbling under your breath. My brother also does that, for him it happens when he is occupied like watching TV. It started around a month and a half of stopping his medication. It seems like some kind of tic. I have been trying to find some word for the condition but can't seem to. He also doesn't realise when he does it. One day he was whispering REALLY loud and so often, the next day it just stopped, it then completely stopped for a month or so. Since then it has slowly started again. It's like the window and wave thing. Hope that helps.