☼ Elyssa143: Zoloft to Zyprexa

[Leo1983]

Hey.

 

I think when we are in a wave it makes us feel like we have always been unwell, with no progress. Maybe after this wave, you will see more improvements? 

 

 

[Rosetta]

Hi.  Oh, I have been in that state so many times.  It’s hard for me to believe that I am through with experiencing the doubt that I will heal, but it appear that I am.  It’s “cold comfort” to hear “It will get better,” or “You will heal,” I know, and yet you need to hear it over and over and over.  Whilst in a wave, the thoughts about the future can’t be trusted.  You know that, but you have the doubts regardless.   Even those doubts will go away.  
 

I’m glad that you have the dogs.  Having someone who depends on you is both frustrating and very, very important.  
 

I don’t know when you will stop having SI, but I do know it will stop.  I take it for granted much of the time, but every so often I think, “This is so amazing.  I can live through all sorts of days, and moments, that used to take me so low, and there is no SI.”  It’s an absurd thought, no?  How many people go through life never thinking that thought?  And yet, it’s a wonderful thought for me.  You will see that sort of life again, Erell.  If I can, you can.

Hang in there, dear.  I’m so sorry this happened to you.  I hope it will make you appreciate life on the other side so much more than many others do.  For now, you just have to bide your time and get through it.  I’ll be thinking of you.

 

🦋Rosetta

 

 

 

[FarmGirlWorks]

@Elyssa143, hang in there. Waves are so demoralizing. And, as Rosetta — articulate as ever — said, “you’ll heal eventually” doesn’t feel possible or real in the moment. The crazy irony is you will. 

[jozeff]

Hi Elyssa

How are you doing these days? Hope you feel quite a lot better!

 

Hope to hear from you,  It's been a while.

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

[Rosetta]

Oh, I see I called you Erell.  I’m sorry Elyssa!  How are you feeling?

[Rosetta]

Elyssa, How are you?

[Elyssa143]

@Rosetta I apologize if I worried you. I don’t come on here much anymore Atleast I try not to. I read over my first few posts and it’s insane they don’t even feel like me although the trauma is still all to real. I am overall “much better” than the beginning I say it in quotation because although I am better i still struggle. Unfortunately the dread,si, inner aka, intrusive si, feeling of wanting to die of course chemical, anhedonia, fatigue and a few others are still here. I do although have much better days. I’m much more functional even in bad waves I push myself. Groundhogs day is way too real and over all extremely frustrating and exhausting I wish I was further along at 41 months and almost 38 months completely pharma free and I mean not even Tylenol and definitely not a covid vaccine. All in all I am “healing” of course I still fear this is permanent and this is my life I still fear the back and forth up and down. Feeling like I have a grip on this and then wham. Never knowing how ill wake up. Feeling like life isn’t worth it even though that’s extremely chemical. My fiancé and I almost died in a boating accident Two weeks ago. It was horrific straight out of a movie if the other boater hadn’t seen our flare we would have drown 100%! And I think in that experience overall i knew I didn’t want to die even though we thought we were. I handled it way better than I ever could have previously. Any who I hope your doing much better. I look forward to hearing back. Hugs to you❤️

[Rosetta]

Elyssa,

 

I’m glad to hear you are feeling somewhat better.  It sounds like you have a way to go.  That’s hard, I know.  You know you will heal, and that is important.  What a scary experience on the boat!  Yes, that could put things in perspective.  
 

I would urge you to look into Alto’s opinion about the vaccine.  She feels it’s less risky to be vaccinated.  I had mine although I did not want to.  I’m glad I did as my daughter caught COVID 3 weeks ago.  She is fine.  My husband caught it from her.   He had had the second Pfizer vaccine several weeks earlier, but still caught it. At the moment, he is having some symptoms that are similar to WD at times.  
 

Many people feel that getting the vaccine is much safer for people in WD than catching Covid, myself included.  I did not have a resurgence of WD symptoms.  I had flu-like symptoms, and I felt crummy for only a few days.   I was pleasantly surprised, and now I feel such relief.  I don’t have to worry about Covid now that my daughter had it.
 

I had the Moderna vaccine, and much more contact with my daughter, but I did not even test positive.  So, I recommend that one.  Maybe you could get the first one at least.

 

I hope you will post every so often to let us know how you are feeling. A big hug (((Elyssa)))

 

Rosetta

[Elyssa143]

@Rosettai appreciate your response so much. How are you doing with withdrawal over all? I also appreciate your response about the vaccine. The thing about that is I was never vaccinated as a child and my son isn’t either. It’s a belief of mine as far as vaccines go. I’ve also been exposed to covid several times. Trust me I do get worried too but I’m trying to not live out of fear anymore. I have my own beliefs surrounding big pharma and vaccines long before Withdrawl. I was all natural and everything which is why I have such a hard time being in this situation letting this happen again. The first time I thought it was postpartum as I had just had my son . I try not to blame myself and I do try to constantly tell myself I am improving it will just never be ok or easy for me to have suicidal stuff or aka or dread I had a panic attack prior to this never ever anything other than a panic attack. I’m glad your daughter is ok! And I hope your husband feels better soon!!! I’m hoping to get to a point where I know I’m healing and I’m ok, versus thinking this is permanent are you there yet? Hugs!

[Rosetta]

Ahh.  Ok, well, I wouldn’t make that choice, but I understand.  Some of us are more fragile than others.  I had a vaccine injury at the age of eight.  It was pretty serious.  So, I’m more understanding of the vaccine-hesitant than most people. I believe this one is more than worth the risk.  If you have been exposed maybe you have less reason to worry.  I urge you to get tested regularly.  
 

I’m doing ok.  I am in a wave.  Today was rough, but, oh, so much better than in the past.  I did a lot today — grocery store trip, baked brownies and blondies, colored my hair, and drove the obstacle course/freeway to a potluck — all without a major meltdown.  (I was on a twelve-lane freeway, and there was a carpet — a rolled-up carpet — in the middle of my lane — at 70 mph! I had almost no time to react.  It was nearly the same color as the road.  That I saw it and had room to go around it was a miracle.) So, yes, I’m healing, and I have no doubt I will recover.

[Rosetta]

Hi.  Thanks for your note in my thread!  So nice to hear from you.  I appreciate the well wishes.  I have low days, and seeing your message was lovely.
I’m glad you feel you are healing.  That is so important — to be able to see that and keep that thought in one’s head during a wave.  The SI will go away eventually, too! Remember that when it shows up.  At some point, it will vanish just like all the other symptoms.

I’m sorry you are having so many life stressors.  You should be so proud of yourself for powering through.

-Rosetta

[Elyssa143]

@Rosetta I’m sorry I didn’t get a notification of your response I apologize! The life stressors are minimal and very manageable compared to Withdrawl symptoms and to think, before this these life stressors I wouldn’t have been able to handle. So I’m a life sense I’m much more mature and able to cope and handle things which is definitely a plus. My brain chemicals just haven’t figured them selves out yet I guess. Praying none of this is permanent. I used to have suicidal intrusive thoughts constantly all day everyday no normal thought and those are far and few between so I try to tell myself everything else will go. But then we get stuck with those symptoms and we feel those will never go either. I hope your having more up than down days! One day we’ll be long gone from this forum and living a good life. Hugs

[Kara2302]

Hi, 🙂

 

I wanted you to ask how you Are ? I am 20 month Out and so hopeless ! I red Your Story and was wondering if your symptoms Become less ? If it gets „easier“? 
 

would be so thankful for your answer ! 
 

best reagards and much healing, 

kara ♥️ 

[Elyssa143]

@Kara2302 I dont frequent this site often. Im now almost 49 months completely pharma free and 52 months into withdrawal, things are better. I am healing. Its not the hell it was but im far from healed. I know how horrible it is. Its horrific hell. But it does get better. I promise. 

[ChessieCat]

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

 

Please see this topic:  How to write your success story

[Rosetta]

Elyssa,

 

You got your sun! Congrats!  Thank you for your post on my thread.  I was happy to see your name there when I signed in!  Just 7 months to go to the five year mark?  That’s great.  I’m so happy for you!  Miss you, though.

Rosetta

[Elaine5]

Hi Elyssa, glad you’re feeling better. 
 

did you struggle with anhedonia and emotional anesthesia still? 
 

it’s like no cascade of any positive emotions when looking at loved ones, even boyfriend, or doing things that I used to be passionate about. No attraction, or excitement really for anything. 
 

What’s your experience with emotional besthesia? 

[Elyssa143]

65 months.....Im still here. Healing ❤️ more functional, hoping things are finally really moving in the right direction. Always hoping for more healing. But moving in the right direction. Not healed yet, still struggle with some same symptoms on a lesser scale and trying to learn life again. Love and light to you all ❤️ 

[Rosetta]

Hi, Elyssa,

I’m glad to see that you are seeing and feeling the healing!  That helps to retain hope when things go a bit downhill.  
 

🧚🏻‍♀️Rosetta

 

[Rosetta]

Hi @Elyssa143 How are you feeling?  Better, I hope.

 

🧚🏻‍♀️Rosetta

[Elyssa143]

@Rosetta

Hi sweet lady ❣️ thank you so much for checking in on me. I really try not to come here often. I am definitely "better". From the hell I ensued, alot better. Am I healed? No. Do I still struggle? Yes. Is it like it was? No. I do still get very worried that I will never be fully ok again. I dont live a "normal" life, yet. But so much more functional and better. Its like trying to relearn life after waking up from a coma. I dk how to describe it. I still have depression and anxiety. I never had depression but again better overall. How are you? Better I hope as well too!

[Rosetta]

Hi! I’m so glad to hear you are feeling better! I think you will be ok again.  The reason is because I continue to see improvements.  In February, it will be 7 years since I fast “tapered.”

At the moment, I’m going through a stressful time, but I have healed so much that the WD issues are allowing me to live a mostly normal life.  I have days when I have sharp mood swings that would be surprising if I wasn’t harmed by ADs.  Physically, I’m doing pretty well except for intermittent dystonia, but sometimes I forget about that until it reappears.
 

Will it be 6 years in May for you?

I still have anxiety. I still have times when I have quite intense anxiety when I wake up in the middle of the night.  There are waves that consist of waking up after midnight and worrying very intensely.  They are not happening at 4 or 5 am.  It could be 2 or 3 am, so I don’t know if they are cortisol spikes.  I guess they could be.  I hope those waves go away for good very soon!

 

Rosetta 🧚🏻‍♀️