Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Ladybug's Pax-hell Journey


ladybug

Recommended Posts

Forgot to put that my TPO antibodies came out at 8. Under 25 is considered "normal." I finally got an appt. with an actual endocrinologist, but it's not until March!

 

Anyway, my question is: How do you know when to begin tapering again after a long hold? I have been at this dose range for six months now, and I'm still not as stable as I was in May, although I have improved. My sleep has improved the most as it was really bad for a while. The depression has improved greatly as well. Mostly my symptoms are a lot of mental anxiety and DR. If I dropped again it would only be the same amount I was dropping before, .1mg. I'm scared of making things worse, but on the other hand part of me wonders if a small drop might improve my lingering symptoms. This has been the case for me in the past, but who knows now. Patterns in WD seem to change without warning.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 359
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • ladybug

    137

  • grandmaD

    52

  • LexAnger

    19

  • brassmonkey

    17

Top Posters In This Topic

hi Ladybug,

 

You'll never know till you try :). What are you doing for other meds and supplements?

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment

hi Ladybug,You'll never know till you try :). What are you doing for other meds and supplements?

True. :)

 

As if I wasn't already worried, now my scales are acting up! I have two Gemini 20 scales that I use to compare weights and when they both are acting up it just freaks me out. I REALLY need to get an accurate dose. I wish I could get my pills compounded but considering I'm already paying an arm and a leg for brand name Paxil (five dollars a pill!) I can't really afford much more. I'm seriously considering making my own liquid, but am so sensitive I don't know if it could make things worse. If anything it might be as accurate as pill cutting, which is to say not super accurate but accurate enough. Man I hate this crap. I can't afford the ready made liquid Paxil either.

 

Ok, sorry for getting off track lol. To answer your question, right now the only supplement I take is .5mg of Melatonin before bed. I was taking Magnesium Glycinate for years until I discovered it was making my hypnic jerks much worse. I have bought some more, but am wary of starting again. Perhaps a smaller dose would help without bringing back those dreaded jerks, which I still have from time to time. As for fish oil, I seem to be one of those for whom it ramps up anxiety and insomnia. Even when I was stable it made me anxious, and I wasn't even taking large doses. So that's it for me right now, Paxil, Melatonin and iron for my anemia. I am deficient in Vitamin D, but once again, the supplements affect my anxiety and insomnia. Hate being so damn sensitive! It could be worse though.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

It sounds like you HAVE to have a good dosing plan before you can change anything. I have a scale but cannot figure out how to work it accurately. I made a liquid at the end of my Wellbutrin taper, but that's tough if you are out and about. It also seemed to start and stop working faster. Someday you probably won't be so sensitive, but that time is not now.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment

Unfortunately, it's the only option I'm left with at the moment. I don't have a doctor who will write out compounding prescriptions anyway. My scales seem to work good most of the time, and the cuts I am making are so small that even the variations that could occur from a wonky scale reading would still be under 5%. I certainly pray one day I am not so sensitive, as I've already been tapering for years more than I initially planned on. Thank you so much for your input, Meimeiquest. I really appreciate it. :)

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Gonna go for another drop today. I'm very scared about it, but I just haven't seen the steady improvement one would expect from holding a dose for four months. Like I said before, my sleep has been the most improved and that is very good. I slept 8 hours last night which is great. For the past two weeks I was in another black hole due to PMS and my period, not quite as bad as a couple of months ago but definitely worse than my last period. I just feel my symptoms are so up and down that holding is not helping. It has been my pattern in the past that I feel better after a drop and I pray that is the case this time. If not then I don't know what my options are really. Wish me luck!

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

Good luck Ladybug, give it a try.  Unrelated to your taper but where in Texas are you?  A man named John Breeding is in Austin Texas and has made a lot of you tube videos on the topics we share here.  I like him.  Maybe you could cross paths with him - I think he is very sincere.  Check out John Breeding on 'Psychetruth'

 

SC

May 2001 - age 24 given 20 mg seroxat. Tried to reduce myself after a year. Told by GP to take on alternate days and I would be fine. FAIL. Assumed 'wrong time' due to university stress and that my 'depression' must be worse than I thought.

Increased dose to 30 mg December 2002. Tried the same technique as before to reduce- made it down to a quarter tablet but couldn't stand symptoms, had a sneaking suspicion that it was due to tablets but never considered dependency - 'depression is a diseased brain after all' (is what I was told)

 

Continued until October 2010 - tried to CT and managed to last five months - assumed the depression was really bad but had no understanding of the reason for awful anxiety. Ran back to GP started Prozac- went crazy thought I was going to die. Stopped Prozac after two weeks.

April 2010 Started sertraline. Stablished but felt numbed.

September 2010 Asked for seroxat again. Upped my dose to 30 after three weeks. Felt hyper, caffeinated, but functional. Glad to be over what I thought was 'depression'..

Realised it is the meds, want to be free at last - July 2012 started 10% taper from original dose and took supplements. Took suppliments sporadically and despite the temptation the taper, wanted it 'over with'. Taper took exactly six months and 10 days.

Reductions were as follows:
First 2 weeks- 27 mg
Next 2- 24mg
Next 2- 21 mg
Next 2- 18mg
Next 2 15 mg
Next 2 12 mg (held for four weeks due to house move from London back to Ireland)
Next 2 weeks- 9 mg
Next 2 weeks- 6 mg
Next 2- weeks 3 mg
Next 2 weeks 1.5 mg (held for 5 weeks as scared)
10th February 2013 Jumped to zero

Within 3 weeks sadness, led to anxiety.  Restarted suppliments - helped a bit.  Stressful move to London. A lot of fatigue and DEEP emotions. Crying LOTS. Took suppliments on and off, moved back to Ireland after being back in London for only eight weeks as felt too sad and unsettled. 

 

No suppliments when moved back.  Unhappy at being back, scared I wouldn't ever find happiness - deep deep sadness, anger, STUPIDLY went back to doctor and decided I must just be a 'depressive'.  Given Citalopram/Celexa 20mg.

 

Took it for seven days, changed my mind, decided to be 'strong' and put it behind me. (No particularly adverse effects that I recall, save for day 5 having inner vibrations in arms and legs) Still had pack of tablets however and every time emotions got hard felt I had to 'go back onto tablets'.  I did this from July until November. (On them off them on them off them) ........

 

Started to get body vibrations and told myself it was 'anxiety' and I was 'giving myself panic attacks.  I continued to cry as I 'started' the tablets again and again - not wanting to go back there but not sure what else to do. 

 

More vibrations - but didn't make the connection that I had a compromised CNS -  thought it was anxiety....chest started to pound in Sept, vibrations continued...lost weight, became anxious, sleep was awful and I tried a variety of remedies to replace the tablets and calm my anxiety and lift my mood.  I think they made things worse.

 

(These included, St.Johns Wort, Rescue Remedy, Homeopathic treatments, Chinese herbs, Passiflora, and suppliments from the online company who state they are experts in assisting people get off meds)

 

Also did the following:

 

Talking therapy

Human Givens Therapy

Homeopathy

Narcotics Anonymous

 

October 23rd took Citalopram (20mg) for 12 days - no relief

 

November 6th Started Seroxat 10 mg (to be safe) stupidly upped to 20 the next day.

 

Stayed on 20 for 18 days, no relief, stopped for two days suddenly, relief came - short lived, vibrations and torture came after 72 hours.  Suicidal for days.  Upped to 30 thinking it would improved.  Even more suicidal.  Dropped to 20 again (December 9th) not suicidal, but not better. Started liquid 28th December reduced to 18 mg in effort to reduce and stabilise.  Don't know where to go from here.  Living with parents who are supportive beyond words.

Sweetcreature

Link to comment

LB....there are times when after feeling lousy, we make a drop in dose and there is improvement.  I don't know why or how to explain it, but it does happen.  Good luck....wishing you well.

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

Link to comment

Good luck Ladybug, give it a try.  Unrelated to your taper but where in Texas are you?  A man named John Breeding is in Austin Texas and has made a lot of you tube videos on the topics we share here.  I like him.  Maybe you could cross paths with him - I think he is very sincere.  Check out John Breeding on 'Psychetruth'

 

SC

I'm in Houston, but I did live in Austin a couple of years. I'll check him out! Thanks. :)

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

LB....there are times when after feeling lousy, we make a drop in dose and there is improvement.  I don't know why or how to explain it, but it does happen.  Good luck....wishing you well.

I've experienced that many times so that's what I'm hoping for. If that's not the case then hopefully since it's a very small drop it won't make things TOO much worse. Thanks, Nikki!

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

Well it's been a month at this dose and I'm happy to say I haven't crashed or gotten any worse. In fact, I have seen some improvements, mostly in my derealization, depression, and energy. Last week I had enough energy and motivation to go out and do something fun, which I haven't done in over six months! I went to a wildlife/nature center to reconnect with nature and I found it very soothing to my soul. It was just what I needed. The derealization seems to have improved the most, by about 50-60%. This doesn't surprise me as in the past I could always tell when it was time to drop because my derealization would get noticeably worse. I guess, for me, that is one of my symptoms of tolerance since holding longer and longer only made the DR worse. It sucks that I can't be one of those people that only improves the longer they hold, but it is what it is. The mental anxiety is still there, as are the hellacious hormonal issues (2 week long PMS, and one week of stomach/anxiety/depression issues post period), but they don't seem to have gotten any worse with the drop so that's a plus I suppose. So that's my update, still hanging in there, still taking it day by day.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Yay! You'll make it yet. Go very gently.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Yay! You'll make it yet. Go very gently.

Thanks, Alto. :) Don't worry, I'm definitely not one for rushing my taper as you can see in my sig. lol. It's gonna take as long as it takes, and hopefully somewhere along the way things will get better. It's happened before, so that gives me some hope.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • 6 months later...

Laybug,

I'm a newbie. Can you please describe to me what your 'depersonalization' feels like? I have it also.

Thank you.

Cberg

Cberg

15 years of panic disorder back in the 1970's. Under pretty good control now.

Started Paxil two years ago for nightmares and depression after many eye and back surgeries

Started slow taper two years ago

Started at 15 mg. now down to 2.35 mg.

Symptoms during w/d included severe nausea in the morning, headaches, pulsating/throbbing in back of head

lightheadedness, depersonalization, lack of ambition or motivation to do anything

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

So sorry I missed your post, Cberg!

 

For me depersonalization and derealization varies. Sometimes it can be as mild as feeling a bit off and disconnected from everything around me. And other times I can feel totally disconnected from myself. For instance my own arms and body will seem foreign to me, and if I look in the mirror I have very little connection with the person I see. I've even had it so bad that everything around me literally looked hazy and smoky. It's also like walking in a dream or underwater. It's very strange and it's one of the symptoms that I find most disturbing.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

Ladybug - it's me aka sare.

Hello my friend. I thank you for what you sent me. Look forward to seeing more from you on here.

2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

Link to comment

Ladybug - it's me aka sare.

Hello my friend. I thank you for what you sent me. Look forward to seeing more from you on here.

Hi Muddles, good to see you! I hope you enjoy it. Jon Kabat-Zinn is great. I find his voice so soothing and reassuring.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hi ladybug.

 

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time of things I hope you are doing better. My hypnick jerks seem to be just like yours. They are the reason I was put on lexapro almost 3 years a go. I have had them ever since. They always come back any stress or to much stimulation. It has been my worst symptom . It's always when I'm falling asleep. They have ruined me from sleeping I always used to Love to sleep to. Never had a problem and could sleep anywhere. Now I can't even take a nap and can only sleep in one place. Every other place I try and sleep is to stimulating. It has been Hell . I have had two months in the last there years Where it stopped completely. It was great I could sleep with my wife again take a nap if I wanted. Then it came back and ruined all my progress I had made. Anyway our stores sound similar. Take care and I hope you are good.

Lexapro 1 1/8 mg and 10 mg Propranolol. I jumped down to 2.5 mg lexapro from 5 mg on oct 2 where I had been for 7 months and went from 2.5 mg to 1 1/8 mg not sure when maybe around nov 2 went back up to 2.5 mg December 30 . May 13 small cut lexapro 2.5 mg down to 2.4 mg 9/4/14 dropped 8.33% to 2.2 mg 10/13/14 dropped to 2mg lexapro. Back up to 2.2 mg 10/15/14. Dropped to 2 mg lexapro 11/26/14. Dropped 10% to 1.8 mg lexapro 1/11/15. 2/23/15 . Cut of 5%.

3/11/15 cut of 5% 5/3/15 cut of 5% 6/3/15 cut of 5% 7/19/15 cut of 5%. Continued small cuts of 5% every six weeks or so untill October 8th 2016 ,last dose . Last dose was 0.8mg. Currently taking 10 mg propranolol in the afternoon. 1400mg fish oil. 250 mg magnesium, 250 mg L-Taurine, 500 mg Tumeric. 40 mg Zocore simvistatin.

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

Hi ladybug.

 

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time of things I hope you are doing better. My hypnick jerks seem to be just like yours. They are the reason I was put on lexapro almost 3 years a go. I have had them ever since. They always come back any stress or to much stimulation. It has been my worst symptom . It's always when I'm falling asleep. They have ruined me from sleeping I always used to Love to sleep to. Never had a problem and could sleep anywhere. Now I can't even take a nap and can only sleep in one place. Every other place I try and sleep is to stimulating. It has been Hell . I have had two months in the last there years Where it stopped completely. It was great I could sleep with my wife again take a nap if I wanted. Then it came back and ruined all my progress I had made. Anyway our stores sound similar. Take care and I hope you are good.

 

I'm sorry I missed your post, Lobster! I spent most of my time on PP and really only lurked over here.

 

Hypnic jerks are awful aren't they? Are you still having issues with them? I'm very happy to say they are only an infrequent occurrence for me now. Once I stopped the Magnesium Glycinate they improved tremendously. I'm not sure why the Magnesium seemed to help at first and then turn on me, but it happened. After awhile off the Mag Glycinate, I tried it again and again I experienced some jerks. Very strange.

 

I do remember that during one of my many sleepless nights I researched online the causes of myoclonus. One thing that caught my eye was: "Other receptors with links to myoclonus include those for opiates, drugs that induce sleep, and for glycine, an inhibitory neurotransmitter that is important for the control of motor and sensory functions in the spinal cord. For example, sporadic and inherited startle disease, or hyperekplexia, are known to be caused by genetic defects in glycinergic transmission; more specifically, mutations have been found in both the alpha and beta subunits of the glycine receptor in addition to a pre-synaptic glycine transporter and postsynaptic molecules involved in glycine transmission."

 

I suppose that may have something to do with why magnesium glycinate tends to trigger jerks for me. I'm not sure what caused them in the first place, other than the stress I went through from one week with no sleep. I do remember I took a few Benadryl one night in desperation (I don't react well to Benadryl) and I also have a little bit of Flexeril (which is contraindicated with SSRI's). I was losing my mind and trying anything I had at hand in hopes of getting some sleep. It was a traumatic time, but I made it through and I know you will too. In my case, time was the greatest healer. I wasn't able to take naps for two years, but I am able to today. My sleep is still very sensitive, but much better than it was. Hang in there.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

Oh my gosh I apologize for the longest paragraph in history in my opening post. I'm surprised it wasn't broken up by the mods. Sorry!

 

Ok well time for an update, and to bump up my thread so the PP'ers can find me.

 

I'm happy to say that, unlike last year where I was in an awful rough patch, I actually enjoyed the holidays this season! I've been trudging along in my taper as usual. I was very disappointed to see in my signature that I only managed to decrease by ONE mg in TWO years. I've decided to try and speed things up a bit, and try .1mg drops every 6 weeks instead of 8. So I took a drop today.

 

I will be starting my last semester of school in a little over a week so that is exciting. Unfortunately, that also means I have to start paying back my student loans so I will have to return to work. I haven't worked in 4 years. My last job was part time and my WD got a lot harder so towards the end I was spending most of my work day in the toilet panicking and having diarrhea. It was awful. :( My stomach was so bad I had been carrying around a bottle of Pepto-Bismol in my purse for several months. For me stomach issues cause anxiety and vice versa. So I had to give my notice. It ended up being for the best as a month or so later is when I hit one of the roughest patches in my WD, where I had severe insomnia (2-3 hours sleep in 9 days) and then over a year of severe hypnic jerks that made my life hell. So of course I'm terrified of that happening again, especially since I am heading into a dose range most people seem to have difficulty with. I have no choice though.

 

Other than that, things are going ok right now. When I am in window I am forcing myself to go out more and socialize. I even joined an online dating site. :unsure:  Is there a dating in WD thread here? Because I need it. LOL.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Glad you enjoyed the holidays Ladybug, it's a huge step and must be reassuring for you  :)

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment

Well, I think you just might find you improve as you go down. Sometimes I think that if we've reached tolerance, theres only so much stability one can attain by waiting. Tolerance is when the brain has basically decided to reject the meds I think? Of course no one really knows, but thats my guess. As long as you stay slow and steady you should be ok. If Im having a worse than usual wave, I often hold off for an extra few weeks, but at the first sign of improvement I will drop. You'll get there! 

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

Link to comment

 Sometimes I think that if we've reached tolerance, theres only so much stability one can attain by waiting.

 

I agree 100%. I'm sure there are many who feel better and better the longer they hold, but that is not the case with me and I know I'm not alone. If it weren't for you, Aberdeen, I don't think I would have had the courage to try cutting my dose again after a six month hold, but I did and thankfully that is when I finally began to improve significantly. So I thank you for that!

 

I definitely agree that there comes a point where the brain has simply had enough and holding too long doesn't bring much improvement and can even bring more symptoms. Who knows why this happens and only to some people, but it absolutely does. No one can ever say to me "Well it's just delayed symptoms that you are feeling, not tolerance" because I only taper .1mg every 8 weeks! So going too fast is definitely not a factor in my case. But, like you said, if I am in a particularly bad wave I do hold a bit longer just to be safe. But after last year, I'm not sure if I could ever try another really long hold, because it didn't benefit me.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

Oh my gosh I apologize for the longest paragraph in history in my opening post. I'm surprised it wasn't broken up by the mods.

I noticed that about my intro post too! Then I discovered something weird. Press "quote" on your post, and when it pops up in the quote box, it is broken down into nice short paragraphs. So you must have typed it with breaks. I'm not sure what's going on.

 

Anyway, I am thrilled that you are doing well! And I agree with Aberdeen too. I've held for nearly a year and not felt better.

Trying to get off Paxil since 2007. Was tapering by 0.1 mg every 4-5 weeks. Had awful crash in November 2015 at .5 mg; updosed gradually to 2 mg. 

 

Doing better and tapering again, much slower this time.  2016: Dropped from 2 mg to 1.62 mg.  2017:  1.62 mg to 1.2 mg. 2018: 1.2 mg to .76 mg. 2019: .76 mg to .56 mg. 2020: .56 mg to .33 mg. 2021: .33 mg to .13 mg. 2022: .13 mg to .03 mg. 6/12/23 .002 mg. OFF PAXIL 9/4/23

 

Started Klonopin in November 2015 to deal with crash. 1/10/16 started milk titration taper from .5 mg. Finished taper 12/6/17. Still take Klonopin for agoraphobia 2 - 3 times a week. 

Link to comment

 

 

Sometimes I think that if we've reached tolerance, theres only so much stability one can attain by waiting.

I agree 100%. I'm sure there are many who feel better and better the longer they hold, but that is not the case with me and I know I'm not alone. If it weren't for you, Aberdeen, I don't think I would have had the courage to try cutting my dose again after a six month hold, but I did and thankfully that is when I finally began to improve significantly. So I thank you for that!

 

I definitely agree that there comes a point where the brain has simply had enough and holding too long doesn't bring much improvement and can even bring more symptoms. Who knows why this happens and only to some people, but it absolutely does. No one can ever say to me "Well it's just delayed symptoms that you are feeling, not tolerance" because I only taper .1mg every 8 weeks! So going too fast is definitely not a factor in my case. But, like you said, if I am in a particularly bad wave I do hold a bit longer just to be safe. But after last year, I'm not sure if I could ever try another really long hold, because it didn't benefit me.

I've been on these sites for years now and I've seen how common it actually is to hit tolerance. Even while tapering. A lot of people don't even realize this and try holding and suffer months ( even years) only to find they feel better and better as they taper lower and lower at a reasonable rate. Tolerance is a HUGE issue out there ( IMO). I was on meds for 13 years and was being switched doses and meds all the time because as the doc put it, because my anxiety was too difficult to control ( never had anxiety til after being on meds) when in actuality I was in tolerance those years. Ive seen some on pp suffer way longer than need be because they've held their dose for way too long, afraid to do anything with it, only to feel BETTER once convinced to lower it.

13 years of Ssri's - celexa, Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft

2 fast tapers and 2 cold turkeys over the years

Psych med free since September 4th 2011 - fast tapered then CT'd 12.5 mg of Zoloft

 

 

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

Link to comment

 

 

Sometimes I think that if we've reached tolerance, theres only so much stability one can attain by waiting.

I agree 100%. I'm sure there are many who feel better and better the longer they hold, but that is not the case with me and I know I'm not alone. If it weren't for you, Aberdeen, I don't think I would have had the courage to try cutting my dose again after a six month hold, but I did and thankfully that is when I finally began to improve significantly. So I thank you for that!

 

I definitely agree that there comes a point where the brain has simply had enough and holding too long doesn't bring much improvement and can even bring more symptoms. Who knows why this happens and only to some people, but it absolutely does. No one can ever say to me "Well it's just delayed symptoms that you are feeling, not tolerance" because I only taper .1mg every 8 weeks! So going too fast is definitely not a factor in my case. But, like you said, if I am in a particularly bad wave I do hold a bit longer just to be safe. But after last year, I'm not sure if I could ever try another really long hold, because it didn't benefit me.

Agree 100%.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

Link to comment

 

 

 

Sometimes I think that if we've reached tolerance, theres only so much stability one can attain by waiting.

I agree 100%. I'm sure there are many who feel better and better the longer they hold, but that is not the case with me and I know I'm not alone. If it weren't for you, Aberdeen, I don't think I would have had the courage to try cutting my dose again after a six month hold, but I did and thankfully that is when I finally began to improve significantly. So I thank you for that!

 

I definitely agree that there comes a point where the brain has simply had enough and holding too long doesn't bring much improvement and can even bring more symptoms. Who knows why this happens and only to some people, but it absolutely does. No one can ever say to me "Well it's just delayed symptoms that you are feeling, not tolerance" because I only taper .1mg every 8 weeks! So going too fast is definitely not a factor in my case. But, like you said, if I am in a particularly bad wave I do hold a bit longer just to be safe. But after last year, I'm not sure if I could ever try another really long hold, because it didn't benefit me.

I've been on these sites for years now and I've seen how common it actually is to hit tolerance. Even while tapering. A lot of people don't even realize this and try holding and suffer months ( even years) only to find they feel better and better as they taper lower and lower at a reasonable rate. Tolerance is a HUGE issue out there ( IMO). I was on meds for 13 years and was being switched doses and meds all the time because as the doc put it, because my anxiety was too difficult to control ( never had anxiety til after being on meds) when in actuality I was in tolerance those years. Ive seen some on pp suffer way longer than need be because they've held their dose for way too long, afraid to do anything with it, only to feel BETTER once convinced to lower it.
Again, agree.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks, guys.

 

Well a few days after my period began my window slammed shut. I seem to get an awful Post Mentrual Syndrome that is much worse than my Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. I get anxiety, DR, depression, pretty bad fatigue and lots of stomach issues. I am 10 days past my period and STILL having issues, much worse than usual, especially when it comes to my stomach. I've lost about 5 pounds since it began. I'm dealing with lots of gas and painful bloating upon waking. It's strange though, because I don't have it as soon as I wake up, my stomach feel fine. But once I've been awake for about 5 minutes it begins. I'm also getting a lot of pain and bloating after eating, even if it's just soup. It feels like my intestines are being twisted. I'm constipated, but I get stomach churning like I'm about to have diarrhea but when I go to the toilet, not much happens. I tried some store bought Kefir last week in hopes it would help, but it didn't seem to do much of anything but possibly make it worse. I know store bought Kefir can not be compared to the homemade kind but it's still full of probiotics so I thought it would help.

 

I'm starting to wonder if it could be a mild form of benzo WD. Two weeks ago I took Valium three times in one week, but I take very small doses and I never take it that much. I usually take 1.25mg 1-2x a month. But that week I took one 2.5mg dose and two 1.25mg dose. I know it takes a couple of weeks for Valium WD to show up. Reading the benzo board it seems people have a lot of gut issues with benzo use, but I thought people had gut issues with SSRIs too. Is this normal? Should I go to the doctor?

 

I was having a lot of stomach issues a few years ago before I entered a pretty bad patch in my WD and I got a abdominal ultrasound. They couldn't find anything wrong so they just diagnosed it as IBS. I read in another thread that Alto said she had gut issues and so she started taking Metamucil daily, lots of water, fruits and veggies and probiotics. I will probably try that first, but if anyone has any additional suggestions or similar experiences I would love to hear them.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

Ladybug. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well.

Kefir definately can cause bloating and gas even for a few weeks. even store bought is good for you. It could be die off. Id keep with it for a few weeks. You may find it will settle down and then you could feel even better.

I have heard of ALOT of stomach upset and gastro issues from ssris too. In fact while I was tapering that is when I had awful gastro issues and I was then diagnosed celiac from a blood test. My doc took a chance and tested me. But then the biopsy showed no sign of damage so they undiagnosed me but they were stumped as my blood test still showed high celiac numbers even after going gluten free for 7 months. ( it should show nothing ). Celiac blood work is actually showing inflammation and autoimmune. I now think that WD causes a lot of inflammation and IBS like symptoms. I have long stopped having gastric issues. What Alto did sounds like a good plan. Lots of water and Fiber. Flax or chia seeds are also an alternative to metamucile if you want to take a more natural approach.

13 years of Ssri's - celexa, Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft

2 fast tapers and 2 cold turkeys over the years

Psych med free since September 4th 2011 - fast tapered then CT'd 12.5 mg of Zoloft

 

 

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

Link to comment

Thanks, Imac! That's very interesting that you should mention a "die off" as I've really been wondering if that could be what was happening. However, I haven't had Kefir in a few days but still had it. I ran out so I'm going to get some more tonight. I can push through it if it means I might get better.

 

I tried to get tested for Celiac in late 2013 when I was having another bad patch and my doctor refused saying if I didn't have diarrhea I didn't have gluten intolerance.  I told him I had read on the internet that you don't necessarily have to have diarrhea to have gluten intolerance. I always question him with my "internet research" but that's because he has no idea! So because of that he has labeled me a hypochondriac. He was the one who thought I was a weirdo when I wanted to get a FULL thyroid panel instead of just rely on the TSH, which is what GOOD doctors do. Ugh! I hate my doctors, but I don't have insurance so I have no choice in who treats me. I have no doubt I have inflammation somewhere in my body as I remember I had some blood tests that possibly pointed to that. Have to look them up. Autoimmune diseases also run in my family. I really should get my yearly physical blood tests but I'm terrified after what happened last time. Better gather up the courage I guess.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Ladybug.  Just wanted to stop by and say hello.  I hope you're feeling better now.  I have gut problems in the morning when I wake up although lately they haven't been as bad as they were before.  For me they started around four months after I tapered off of Prozac.  I get pain on both sides of my flanks.  At first I thought I was having kidney problems but a trip to the ER showed that there was nothing wrong with them.  I figured it is IBS although I did read somewhere that serotonin is produced in the gut and that could have something to do with it.  Anyway, I hope you're doing better.  

My Intro topic

1997. Started Prozac for GAD, switched to Celexa.  worked well for anxiety.
Nov 2013. Switched back to Prozac and began taper.
Feb 2014. Finished Prozac taper after 3 months.  
Apr 2014. Began taking Klonopin to help with Celexa withdrawals.
Dec 2014. Developed Klonopin dependency.
May 12, 2015. Unable to taper Klonopin; cold turkeyed in rehab clinic. Put on Gabapentin 1200 mg/day.
June 2017. Started very slow liquid titration off Gabapentin.
March 2019. Current GPB dosage 542 mg (232 am, 300 mg pm); Sept 2 2021. Current dosage 180 mg (90 mg x 2)  doing microtaper

Oct 5 2021. Major surgery (colon resection). mid Nov 2021. w/d symptoms increased along with cognitive deficits.  Post-operative complications?

Feb 10 2022. Still at 180 mg / day, switch to 3 doses per day due to constant w/d and cognitive deficits.

Link to comment

Hi, Hope! I am still waking up with some stomach issues, but it is much better than it was last month. Like all my WD symptoms it seems to fluctuate according to my monthly cycle. It's definitely at it's worst the week or two after my period. But, like I said, this month was nowhere near as bad as last month's.  I hope you are doing well. Gonna head over to your thread now. :)

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hi ladybug: -) I hope you are doing good. I have some courage reading your thread. I'm still dealing with the sleep jumping and It's going on three years now. I still can not take a nap.I have only one place I feel comfortable to sleep, any where else gives me anticipatory anxiety and I can not sleep. I really hope in time my anxiety calms down and my sleep becomes less sensitive. I am still taking magnesium,I've contemplated not taking it for a while to see if it would help. I really feel damaged and wonder if I will ever be able to sleep when ever and where ever. It feels like ground hogs day ever day lol..

Lexapro 1 1/8 mg and 10 mg Propranolol. I jumped down to 2.5 mg lexapro from 5 mg on oct 2 where I had been for 7 months and went from 2.5 mg to 1 1/8 mg not sure when maybe around nov 2 went back up to 2.5 mg December 30 . May 13 small cut lexapro 2.5 mg down to 2.4 mg 9/4/14 dropped 8.33% to 2.2 mg 10/13/14 dropped to 2mg lexapro. Back up to 2.2 mg 10/15/14. Dropped to 2 mg lexapro 11/26/14. Dropped 10% to 1.8 mg lexapro 1/11/15. 2/23/15 . Cut of 5%.

3/11/15 cut of 5% 5/3/15 cut of 5% 6/3/15 cut of 5% 7/19/15 cut of 5%. Continued small cuts of 5% every six weeks or so untill October 8th 2016 ,last dose . Last dose was 0.8mg. Currently taking 10 mg propranolol in the afternoon. 1400mg fish oil. 250 mg magnesium, 250 mg L-Taurine, 500 mg Tumeric. 40 mg Zocore simvistatin.

Link to comment

Hi Lobster! I am doing alright, still chugging along. :) Had a bad night last night, took me over three hours to fall asleep and I was waking up frequently. Thankfully, these bad nights are not as often as they used to be. I have the anticipatory insomnia too! I'm being forced to find part time work (have to pay back student loans) and I'm terrified if I do get a job I will never sleep considering I am never able to sleep the night before any appointment, even if it's something unimportant. I hate this process. :(

 

Enough about me though, I'm so sorry to hear you are still dealing with these jerks. They are just awful. I had one big strong one last night while trying to sleep but since it was just one it wasn't too big of a deal. Just jarring. If I were you I would definitely try going without the Magnesium for at least a week and see if it helps. Believe me, I never believed it could be the Magnesium contributing to my jerks, especially since it seemed to help so much at the beginning. But I swear when I stopped it, the jerks improved by at least 80%. Now I notice when I have tried to take it I get jerks so I know it wasn't a coincidence. I am able to tolerate Epsom Salt baths so I try to get magnesium that way.

 

Congrats on your taper! You are getting so much closer to zero, it must be exciting. I know your jerks will improve with time. Since I still have a way to go in my taper I don't think I am "out of the woods" when it comes to experiencing them. They may very well get as severe as they once were, but I do know that for the past two years I have not had one of those episodes where the jerks happen all night and I am once again able to take naps. So I am enjoying it while it lasts. I know you can get there too. Seriously, try going without the Mag for a week and see what happens.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

Hi ladybug :-)

 

I'm sorry your still having the sleep jumping issue. At least It's not as bad as it once was, it sounds like you are healing slowly :-) but healing never the less. Being able to nap now sounds like your nervous system is settling down some. I'm sorry you have a hard time with anticipatory anxiety with appointment's. I under stand your feeling about not being able to sleep again once you get a job. I'm the same with regards to sleep any where but the spare bedroom lol. It sounds really stupid, I never would have believed that this would happen to me. I think in time you will sleep before appointments. I was the same way with work, I have a physical job .when this first started I had a really difficult time sleeping after working I really didn't know what I was going to do.I couldn't stop working but the stimulation from work was to much. But after a while that settled down and I could sleep after work. The sleep jumps were the first symptoms I had after a very stressful time in my life. I had never experienced any thing like it before and it sent my anxiety over the edge. Then came the antidepressants from then on every thing has been bad. I have made some head way. It's been over a year since my last Xanax for sleep jumps. Thanks to the courage I got from some of the members on here. I think we will get there eventually when I don't know :-) looking back things are better for me then they were three years a go and for that I'm thankful. Wishing you good luck with your anxiety on the job situation you'll make it :-) take care..

Lexapro 1 1/8 mg and 10 mg Propranolol. I jumped down to 2.5 mg lexapro from 5 mg on oct 2 where I had been for 7 months and went from 2.5 mg to 1 1/8 mg not sure when maybe around nov 2 went back up to 2.5 mg December 30 . May 13 small cut lexapro 2.5 mg down to 2.4 mg 9/4/14 dropped 8.33% to 2.2 mg 10/13/14 dropped to 2mg lexapro. Back up to 2.2 mg 10/15/14. Dropped to 2 mg lexapro 11/26/14. Dropped 10% to 1.8 mg lexapro 1/11/15. 2/23/15 . Cut of 5%.

3/11/15 cut of 5% 5/3/15 cut of 5% 6/3/15 cut of 5% 7/19/15 cut of 5%. Continued small cuts of 5% every six weeks or so untill October 8th 2016 ,last dose . Last dose was 0.8mg. Currently taking 10 mg propranolol in the afternoon. 1400mg fish oil. 250 mg magnesium, 250 mg L-Taurine, 500 mg Tumeric. 40 mg Zocore simvistatin.

Link to comment
  • 8 months later...

Well I see it's been awhile since I updated here! I'm going through a bad wave right now and could use some support. I'll begin with the good news. 2015 has actually been one of the most decent years I've had in a while (well the first several months anyway). I pushed myself out of my comfort zone big time. I went on my first date in over a decade in January. No romantic connection but I had fun so it gave me the courage to join an online dating site. Wow, was that an experience. It's pretty brutal. Unless you're in a good place with yourself you'll probably come out it feeling worse self esteem wise. It definitely doesn't help that the first thing most dates ask you is "What do you do for a living?" Considering I haven't worked in five years due to WD, that was a hard one. I managed to dance around the issue by saying I was going to school, etc. The few people that I did open up to about WD either seemed to act understanding but didn't really or straight up imply that it was an excuse I was using to avoid life. One guy actually said "Well there was a reason you were put on the drug in the first place." No one decided to put me on the this drug, I made an appt. with a doctor and demanded to be put on Paxil after seeing a commercial for it. Worst mistake of my life, obviously. Anyways, I had some fun but ultimately it sucked so I doubt I'm going to do it anymore.

 

Another huge step was that I finally graduated (Summa Cum Laude) in May! I'd been in and out of school for so long that I can't believe I finally did. But after graduation, now what? I got my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, which obviously isn't going to do much for me, but I've been interested in Psychology since I was a child and it was one of the few degrees they offered where you could do the majority of your classes online. Since I took out some student loans to help with tuition, I had to start looking for a way to pay them back, no matter how I felt. Last month I got a call back for an interview and actually got the job. This job is suited to WD more than any other I can think of. I am able to work half the time from home. It's just my boss and me and once she gives me a handle on what I'll be doing for the day she usually leaves and I can work independently. Also, she hates florescent lighting so we use lamps around the office. Given that florescent lighting makes my DR much worse, this seemed like a sign that it was meant to be.

 

Unfortunately, WD had other ideas. I think I've mentioned before my problem with anticipatory insomnia. If I have to be anywhere the next day I don't sleep. That held true for my first day of work. Didn't sleep a wink, but somehow made it through the day. I had always hoped that eventually my system would get used to it but that hasn't happened yet after three weeks. The most sleep I have gotten before work is five hours and that happened once. Usually it's anywhere from zero to four. This is so strange as I had been sleeping very well for most of the year. It wasn't just the inability to sleep. Some nights I would lie there with that anxious burning feeling and heart palpitations all night. Then I would get up to stomach churning. Now that my sleep schedule has changed I am experiencing those lovely cortisol mornings. After having most of last week off I was supposed to go in today but, once again, I got zero sleep. Thankfully, the day was changed to an at home day. I went back to bed and, of course, fell asleep in an hour! Ugh.

 

2015 wasn't all great either. I've gotten some new symptoms which suck. Chronic nausea being a big one, like every day. Some days it was so bad I couldn't get out of bed. I now carry crystallized ginger around with me. I also started getting vertigo type symptoms. Where I'm standing and all of a sudden it feels like I'm on a boat, etc. That seems to happen daily too. My menstrual issues are still very bad. My PMS isn't great (heightened anxiety, DR, tension, insomnia) but my post period is much, much worse. Starting around day 5 the grey cloud descends. I get stomach issues, lack of appetite, total apathy, heightened anxiety and DR and somewhere around day 11-13 I will have two days where I can't get out of bed, can't summon the will to speak and just stay there sobbing about the state of my life and contemplating suicide. It's awful. :( Around ovulation,the cloud starts to dissipate and I feel more like myself. However, that did not happen this past month, due to this current wave. I've had my hormones tested and they all came back normal. My hair has also been falling out like crazy. I will usually go through periods like this, especially when in a bad wave, but this started before the wave and has yet to stop. It's another huge blow to my already struggling sense of self esteem. Oh and then there's the near constant fatigue. Even if I do get a good night's sleep I never feel well rested. It takes all the energy I have to make it to work and that's it. I spend the rest of the time recuperating from that.

 

So that's my too long update. I'm scared that this wave is only going to get worse. Now that I have a job I can't quit it because we lost our rent assistance because of it. If I have to quit we won't be able to make rent. My mother has Lupus and is barely able to work herself. She should be able to get disability but has no one to take care of the rent/bills while she has to be out of work the several months it takes to get a decision. This is a crazy country we live in. Every man for himself.

 

As always, I welcome any advice or support you can give me.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy