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Ladybug's Pax-hell Journey


ladybug

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.I also tried wearing my retainer less often (every other night) and though I got my braces off years ago, my teeth still shifted quickly so my retainer got tight again and I assume my bite is off. I don't have dental insurance so can't afford to see an orthodontist right now. Even when I had my braces on I never had headaches this frequently though.  :(

I stopped wearing my retainer also and had to use it again just recently due to anxiety making me grind my teeth again.  My teeth had moved too so it didn't fit!  I persevered and persevered and wore it anyway and tried to get it into place.  My teeth hurt for a few weeks as a result, but I can now wear it.  It hasn't caused any more headaches so I doubt it is that.

 

You might want to get your eyes checked, however.

 

 

I was thinking about this and I think you're right. If it was my retainer my actual teeth would be sensitive but they aren't really. A little bit, but they were much worse when I had braces and I didn't have the headaches then. I've thought about getting my eyes checked so that is next on the list for sure.

 

Good idea, I would check out your eyes before even going to the doctor, that is, unless you have to wait 3 weeks like we do to see a dr.  Keep us updated!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Sorry, I never updated with the eye exam. I did end up having one and the doctor said besides a slight vision problem, my eyes are fine. She said I see things better far away than up close but it's very slight and she would write my a prescription for glasses to wear while working. I still haven't received them but I guess it doesn't matter anymore as I have been let go from my job. Not really let go as much as being forced to quit.

 

I have had some bad job experiences but this takes the cake really. It was so beyond unprofessional I can't even begin to understand, but the way it went down has left me very jaded. I feel I went above and beyond for this employer, working late and working weekends for little pay. If I made a mistake I would correct it off the clock. The job was incredibly stressful but I was allowed to work from home the majority of the time and I knew I couldn't find any other job that would allow me to do that so I dealt with it as best I could.

 

I now believe these recent headaches were absolutely caused by the stress. For some reason, overnight my boss did a 180 and decided that the work could no longer be done from home at all and unless I could come into the office 9-5 M-F she would have to find someone else. I told her it wasn't feasible for me at this time since I don't have transportation, etc. and she said she figured and she already had an interview that night to replace me but she that the accounting work could still be done from home. I do not think any of this had to do with my performance as she was constantly praising me on how good I was at the job and how I could read her mind, etc.

 

She said she would call me the next day to discuss the accounting work but never did. My email and text to her went ignored. She finally got back to me two days later saying that the accounting work needed to be from the office too and that the person she interviewed had accounting experience but she wanted to talk to me first. Not sure why as it's clear she had already made up her mind. I told her she should hire whoever she thinks is best for her business and she said ok and my final pay would be coming next week. And that was it. Now I don't know what to do and how I will pay my bills. When I got this job I felt like it could be nothing else than a blessing from God as it was so perfect for me, but it turned out to be a cruel joke. Anyway, sorry to rant.

 

I was already barely coping with WD while working the job but at least it boosted my self esteem because I no longer had to rely on others to support me like I had been doing for the past few years. But now I am back to feeling like an utter failure, that things will never improve, that WD is only going to get worse and that I will never be a normal, functioning member of society.

 

My hormones are still out of control and the doom cloud descended fast and hard yesterday and I went from being rational to totally overwhelmed with hopelessness and suicidal ideation. I hate it! I feel like I have no control of my emotions and it's almost like being possessed. As I once again burdened my best friend with my thoughts he told me I needed to talk to someone and that made it even worse cause I thought "great, so you think I'm crazy too!"

 

But something Alto wrote on the suicidal ideations thread really spoke to me and gave me comfort. She said that having these thoughts does not mean you are "mentally ill"  and that these thoughts are actually a fairly common response when life becomes too overwhelming and difficult. And that is how I feel: overwhelmed. Today I have a tiny hope that there is a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. And I will keep fighting until I make it. I will not become another statistic of these awful poisons. I will heal, because I have no other option.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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  • Administrator

ladybug, hang in there.

 

Your boss really did handle that badly. Don't take it personally.

 

Perhaps another door can open for you. My neighbor does Quickbooks for various clients, mostly from home. Is that something you could do?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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ladybug, hang in there.

 

Your boss really did handle that badly. Don't take it personally.

 

Perhaps another door can open for you. My neighbor does Quickbooks for various clients, mostly from home. Is that something you could do?

 

Thank you, Alto, I'm trying to. 

 

Funny that you should mention that as it is exactly what I've been considering, I just don't know how one goes about getting clients when starting out. I really enjoy bookkeeping and even though the job ended terribly I'm glad I was trained on QB while there. At least there was one positive thing to come out of it.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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I'm so sorry, Ladybug. But you are SO not crazy. You have every right to feel the way you do. Don't feel like you need to control your emotions. I think the whole idea that we are supposed to be rational all the time and control our emotions is in fact what makes us crazy! Psychiatry tries to kill our intense emotions with drugs, and CBT kind of plays into the same idea by having us talk ourselves out of having our feelings. I'm reminded of the saying, you have to feel it to heal it. And you have to have people who understand and support you. I'm sorry your friend couldn't do that for you....maybe he could though if you explained that was what you really needed from him. What your boss did really sucks, but it sounds like it had nothing to do with you. You will get through this....look how much you've already gotten through. Sending you hugs!

Trying to get off Paxil since 2007. Was tapering by 0.1 mg every 4-5 weeks. Had awful crash in November 2015 at .5 mg; updosed gradually to 2 mg. 

 

Doing better and tapering again, much slower this time.  2016: Dropped from 2 mg to 1.62 mg.  2017:  1.62 mg to 1.2 mg. 2018: 1.2 mg to .76 mg. 2019: .76 mg to .56 mg. 2020: .56 mg to .33 mg. 2021: .33 mg to .13 mg. 2022: .13 mg to .03 mg. 6/12/23 .002 mg. OFF PAXIL 9/4/23

 

Started Klonopin in November 2015 to deal with crash. 1/10/16 started milk titration taper from .5 mg. Finished taper 12/6/17. Still take Klonopin for agoraphobia 2 - 3 times a week. 

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I'm so sorry, Ladybug. But you are SO not crazy. You have every right to feel the way you do. Don't feel like you need to control your emotions. I think the whole idea that we are supposed to be rational all the time and control our emotions is in fact what makes us crazy! Psychiatry tries to kill our intense emotions with drugs, and CBT kind of plays into the same idea by having us talk ourselves out of having our feelings. I'm reminded of the saying, you have to feel it to heal it. And you have to have people who understand and support you. I'm sorry your friend couldn't do that for you....maybe he could though if you explained that was what you really needed from him. What your boss did really sucks, but it sounds like it had nothing to do with you. You will get through this....look how much you've already gotten through. Sending you hugs!

 

Thank you so much, Rachelina. I'm so glad you posted here as I've been thinking about you and wondering how you've been. Are you feeling better and more stable on the 2mg? How is the benzo taper going. I'm in awe of your strength!

 

You make a good point about needing to feel these emotions. It's really difficult when it's so often, and it's so clearly tied to my cycle. Sunday was a great day, I went bike riding and hung out with friends for the first time in months. But after the firing Monday and as I inched nearer to my period it all went downhill fast. It's scary because my PMS is never as bad as my after period time. I've started taking B6 as I read it may help regulate hormones as well as neurotransmitters. I'm scared to take most supplements for fear of having a reaction which is why I haven't tried Evening Primrose Oil and Chasteberry which are the usual go to supplements for hormonal imbalances. However I had my hormones tested and everything came back within range, so it's probably not a case of having an actual hormonal imbalance but rather being more sensitive to natural hormonal changes throughout the cycle. Who knows.

 

But I digress. As for my friend, I think sometimes I just need more than those around me can give and I know it's hard when they have no idea what I'm going through. I feel closest to my online friends, because they know what it's like so when they say "I've been where you are, I promise it gets better even if it feels like it never will" I can believe them. I feel I draw my strength from all of you and I thank you for that. Thanks for the hugs and I'm sending some right back to you!

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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Thanks for sharing this with us all, we are all standing with you and cheering you on!  How unfortunate with the job thing - I hope something even better comes along and that you can cope.  You have done so well to come so far, and you will make it to the end, don't give up.

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Thank you, Gran. <3 I'm so happy to have you here so I can cheer you along in your journey as well. I thought about you often when PP closed! ((HUGS))

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

When I got this job I felt like it could be nothing else than a blessing from God as it was so perfect for me, but it turned out to be a cruel joke.

But now I am back to feeling like an utter failure, that things will never improve, that WD is only going to get worse and that I will never be a normal, functioning member of society.

 

Ladybug, I've been through a very similar situation recently.  I was so happy when I got my job as it seemed perfect for me.  Then management suddenly shifted the goalposts.  It pushed all my buttons - at first I was really angry at them, then I cried for days and ended up feeling like a complete failure at life - other people have jobs and normal lives, but not me - etc.  Then the anxiety and insomnia hit as my nervous system was resensitised.  I'm so sorry this is happening to you too, Ladybug.  I believe w/d leaves us with very little resilience to stress, and losing a job is a major stressor for anyone.

 

I actually think it's a good thing to release all the emotions.  I'm not sure if all the crying is what resensitised my system, or if that would have happened anyway, but I think I probably needed to cry all that stuff out.  It was all my childhood issues all over again, I felt like a tiny child instead of a grown woman.

 

Sorry, didn't mean to talk about myself so much on your thread, but just letting you know I understand because I'm in a similar boat.  I guess we've got to keep trying and looking for the right path.  Sending you loads of (((HUGS))).

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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Hi Ladybug, I'm doing a lot better, thanks for asking! Still not back to where I was pre-crash, but well enough to start tapering again. And the benzo taper seems to be going fine. 

 

I think you are right about being extra sensitive to natural hormonal fluctuations. And I don't think there is anything wrong with being more emotional at certain times in your cycle. I read about a woman who whenever she had PMS, got the desire to go back to school. Of course, it was because she really needed to go back to school! She was able to repress that desire at other times, because her husband was completely against it, but when she had PMS she was in touch with her intuition and no longer able to hold back her true feelings. I have something similar, in that when I have PMS I hate everyone in my house. The reality is not that I hate them, but that I need to have more time to myself apart from them. I'm able to repress that at other times because it is really hard to get that time away, but when the hormones hit then I can no longer repress it. I think we should value our emotions, even when it seems they are coming from our hormones, and listen to what they are telling us.

 

Sending you more hugs!

Trying to get off Paxil since 2007. Was tapering by 0.1 mg every 4-5 weeks. Had awful crash in November 2015 at .5 mg; updosed gradually to 2 mg. 

 

Doing better and tapering again, much slower this time.  2016: Dropped from 2 mg to 1.62 mg.  2017:  1.62 mg to 1.2 mg. 2018: 1.2 mg to .76 mg. 2019: .76 mg to .56 mg. 2020: .56 mg to .33 mg. 2021: .33 mg to .13 mg. 2022: .13 mg to .03 mg. 6/12/23 .002 mg. OFF PAXIL 9/4/23

 

Started Klonopin in November 2015 to deal with crash. 1/10/16 started milk titration taper from .5 mg. Finished taper 12/6/17. Still take Klonopin for agoraphobia 2 - 3 times a week. 

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  • Moderator

Hi Ladybug-- Such a d***. People like him are what give bosses a bad name. I truely believe that things happen for a reason at the right time, so this will work for the best. You should be able to collect unemployment for a while and this could also help with a disability claim, not to mention the State Labor Board would be very interested. Being treated like that would be very trying for any person. The WD should work to your advantage becasue you are up to speed with your coping skills and this could be viewed as just another symptom to be handled. Roll with it as best as you can, do what needs to be done and you'll get through it in fine shape.

 

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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lady bug, you know I can relate. Hang in there...and talk to us!!  :)

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

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Thanks, guys. I was feeling better about it finally until I got an email from my boss asking me to confirm that I left the job cause I couldn't meet her requirements and once she got that she could issue my final paycheck. Are you kidding me?! I did everything I could to stay, and she knows that. I was saving for a down payment on a car and I told her I would borrow money to get a car now and she refused. Why is she so intent on me saying I quit?? I didn't even work there long enough to collect unemployment. So I replied and told her I did not quit, I was fired and that it is against the law to withhold my final paycheck under any circumstances. So there goes any chance of her giving me a good reference even though I WAS good at my job. She always told me how good I was at accounting even the last time we spoke. She was going to give me her old textbooks because she said I should pursue it as a career. What happened to all of that? I'm at a loss.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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  • Administrator

Good for you, to stand up for your rights. Don't worry about the reference.

 

To get clients, you could go to small businesses and tell them what you're doing. You'd get part-time work, a few hours here and there.

 

Or look for part-time bookkeeping jobs on craigslist, or put up a post offering your services as a part-time bookkeeper.

 

Many doctors who have single practices need help keeping the books and sending out invoices, etc.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thank you Alto, for the suggestions. I really appreciate it.

 

So my boss replied saying that she didn't fire me. I guess I took it the wrong way when she 1) changed all my passwords so it was impossible for me to do any work and 2) informed me THE SAME DAY that she already had a interview scheduled later to replace me, which means she must have made it before she even informed me of the change. So either she lied about interviewing someone else or it didn't work out with them.

 

All I know is I can't handle the stress that entails working for her. My WD symptoms have all ramped up recently. A month ago I started getting tension headaches all day, every day and now I have this chronic light sensitivity that makes it hard to even work on the computer for several hours a day like I need to for that job. I have it on the lowest light setting and use f.lux and it's still feels too bright and triggers another headache.

 

It's just not worth it, especially after what she has put me through the last week. I will look into freelance bookkeeping or something else. My health and sanity are more important. I don't think she's ever had anyone work for her for more than six months and now I can see why.

 

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement! It means so much to me. <3

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi ladybug,

 

It's sounds like you are handling it really well.  I agree that health and sanity are more important.  Take care of yourself.  CC

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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You have to take care of yourself.  I hope you can get some benefits in the meantime and some part time work.  Hugs x

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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  • Moderator

Hi Ladybug-- well done on not giving in and sending the email.  Yes, you were fired, next thing you should do is go and talk to the Unemployment Department, they should be able to help.  Don't take too long to go and do it because there may be some time limits to pay attention to.  There are plenty of opportunities out there and having a company restructure and eliminate your position is a pretty common thing to happen.

 

Hang in there, things will work out.

 

(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Thank you Brass, but it's a small business. Basically just her and two assistants (one now I guess), so there is no HR dept. It's funny because the two worst employment experiences I've ever had have been working for small businesses. At least with larger businesses there are procedures, human resources, etc. But with a small business you're basically at the mercy of the owner and their whims. I still haven't received my last paycheck which is a violation of the law. This is so much stress that I really didn't need.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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  • Moderator

I was meaning the State of Texas Workforce Commission. http://www.twc.state.tx.us/jobseekers/unemployment-benefits-services  What they're doing is illegal and it will really help to have the state on your side.  Small business or not, there are rules they have to follow.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Thanks, Brass. The TWC is actually where I found this job in the first place lol. Thankfully, I didn't have to file a claim because I received my check in the mail today. It sucks to be jobless again. I'm hoping I find something even better very soon. Thanks again, everyone!

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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  • Moderator

I so relieved that the check came, it alleviates a lot of unpleasantness.  Do make sure to file for unemployment though, that money is one of the benefits of having had a job, and just maybe TWC can help find something else. 

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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I didn't work long enough to file for unemployment. You have to work two quarters and I was a month shy of that. You also have to have been let go and she will never concede to that. So I'm out of luck in that respect. Sigh.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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  • Moderator

Oh Rats!!!!


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Hi babygirl, just dropped in to give you a hug and see how you are doing.  So sorry to hear about your work and hope something has changed in that area by now.  How are you coping with the w/d issues, etc?  x

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Thanks for stopping by, Gran. :)  I am hanging in there. Having a lot of increased anxiety lately due to cycle issues, but nothing too bad. If it doesn't get worse I'll probably go ahead and drop in another week, which will make 6 weeks on this dose. Now that I'm not working I hope I can concentrate on making more progress in my taper. At least until I can find work again. This month makes 9 years, yes NINE YEARS that I've been tapering. So basically half the time I've been on this drug I've been reducing it to try and get off. It's sad but I have no other choice. Oh well, onwards and downwards!

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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Glad you are coping okay, even if things aren't that great.  It does help if we can at least cope with it.  Is it congratulations reaching 9 years or commisserasions (or whatever that word is!).  I know it seems such a waste of life, but you have come so far and not crashed again, which is great.  You are 9 years on in your journey which is better than when you first begun or 1 year on!  I know that feeling of being trapped, not wanting to stay on the poison and not being able to simply just stop it either!  It is the only sensible thing we can do to just keep going slowly.  Don't forget the fable about the hare and tortoise - us turtles will get there eventually....!  You are doing well to be dropping after 6 weeks.  I did 6 weeks last year after a 6 month hold but I went downhill very quickly, so keep an eye on things, especially as you are at that 5mg dose, which is very difficult.

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Thanks, Gran. I have decided to hold on longer as my sleep has started to deteriorate as well. Takes forever to fall asleep and I wake up frequently and then can't get back to sleep after only 4-5 hours or so. Wake up anxious/nauseous as well. I'm just very depressed at the whole process. How much life has passed me by. I had to to tell a friend I couldn't attend their wedding because it's out of town and I wouldn't be able to sleep due to my insomnia issues. If I feel I "have" to sleep for some reason I won't and anytime I've house-sat I was unable to sleep at all for the first couple of nights and then badly after that. Because of this I haven't gone out of town in years. It makes me so sad as before Paxil and also before tapering I went out of town frequently, sometimes on a whim. I just feel like my world keeps shrinking. I have a hard time practicing acceptance.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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Sending big hugs to you Ladybug! I am with you feeling how life is completely stolen during such a long haul in prison. Even we have been so patient and strong, it is still a daily challenge thinking about the loss while still endure various dibilitating symptoms.  

 

I used to be a big solo traveler, going everywhere local and far, spoteneously all year long, now it takes months planning with tapering and EVERYTHING and still need to prepare for last minute drop off. I still try to make small trips each year even with lots effort as I feel those are important memories to mark these dead years. Even a few hours good activity when I feel normal plays an important and positive role to break the long haul in my mind and helpw to carry me for a bit long.

 

I hope you can find more such good hours/days without needing to work to make more happy/possitive memories even they are small and short.

 

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Sorry ladybug :( I know...it all just blows. Lex I just wanted to say I think you are onto something with the creating of little memories. Even if we have to force the experience to happen, they actually do stick in the memory bank during these grey years and will help us one day. 

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

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Thanks Lex and Aberdeen. Lex that is awesome that you are able to take little trips despite your symptoms. I think that is another difficult part about this, knowing when you should push yourself and when you should accept your limits. I am able to push myself when I know I can leave if it backfires. But that is almost impossible to do when you go out of town and I don't like feeling "trapped" or at the mercy of others as it is a big anxiety trigger for me. I would be going with someone else so if I did feel too bad I wouldn't be able to leave really. If I had my own transportation and could go up there myself I would be more willing to push myself to do it.

 

Had better sleep last night, thankfully. Unfortunately, I am back to my bad habit of trying to stay asleep as long as possible to avoid the WD/headaches/life, etc. I tried to stay asleep but once I woke up with a big 'ol jolt I knew I had to get up. I guess it's safe to say I'm in my hormonal doomcloud time. I have a doctor's appt, next week so we'll see what they say about the headaches. Since I have anxiety/depression listed in my medical record I'm 99% sure they will chalk it up to that and not try to find another cause. Gotta love the medical system!

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

That'll be more challenging going with others. I haven't been able to make committement to any group activities feeling what you described. I am like a complete loner for years ever since I started tapering going everywhere by myself as that's the only way I feel comfotable for complete control.

 

I don't know anyone can do much about the headache if it's caused by the drug like in my case. I have chronic fibromyalgia ever since taking the drug then worse since tapering, nothing can touch it if it decided not go. My only hope is when I'm at lower doses and eventually be free of the meds it will go away completely.

 

Good luck though for your appointment.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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That'll be more challenging going with others. I haven't been able to make committement to any group activities feeling what you described. I am like a complete loner for years ever since I started tapering going everywhere by myself as that's the only way I feel comfotable for complete control.

 

I don't know anyone can do much about the headache if it's caused by the drug like in my case. I have chronic fibromyalgia ever since taking the drug then worse since tapering, nothing can touch it if it decided not go. My only hope is when I'm at lower doses and eventually be free of the meds it will go away completely.

 

Good luck though for your appointment.

 

Yes, that's exactly it. Not being in control gives me anxiety.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your fibromyalgia. I don't know if you have read Grandma D's thread but she had awful headaches for years and now that her dose is getting lower she has seen amazing progress in that area. That gives me hope that we can indeed heal from the health/physical issues these drugs cause. I pray that it is the same with your fibro, I know it is a horrible thing to deal with.

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

Link to comment

I really feel for you guys with headaches, and I do hope it does improve as you go lower, but don't forget  mine began to improve dramatically when started taking vit. B and feverfew.  The began to get worse again, so I went and bought a Vit. B complex, but at present am introducing that 1 day a week and soon to start it twice a week. 

 

This sleep business is crap too, I know.  I am the same, taking 2 hours at least to get to sleep and then wake every 2 hours, but last night waking every hour.  I just keep telling myself that while I lie there I am resting!  I probably get about 6 hours most nights which they say is sufficient to get by on.  Can't do much else to change it as you know!  Is that the body jolts that wake you again?  I haven't had them for quite a while now, but the palpitations is what wakes me up, especially 3-4am.  I have gone back to having my mid morning rest again as well as the afternoon one and I find that does help - but it also means you take longer to get the daily chores done each day!  I have to keep reminding myself to "sit for a bit" on the verandah and enjoy the view and just "chill out"  - anything to keep the anxiety down.

 

What is happening jobwise?  Have you got some income?  Are you still caring for your mum also?  You have a lot of stressors going on at the moment and you are wise to wait a bit longer before dropping, even just that one extra week can make a difference, but who am I to remind you of all that!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Since I have anxiety/depression listed in my medical record I'm 99% sure they will chalk it up to that and not try to find another cause. Gotta love the medical system!

yep!  you can bet your bottom dollar that will be what they say - plus probably put you on another anti-depressant - one like Endep that is GOOD FOR HEADACHES!

 

Are you doing your relaxation and breathing exercises? x

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

Link to comment
. I still try to make small trips each year even with lots effort as I feel those are important memories to mark these dead years. Even a few hours good activity when I feel normal plays an important and positive role to break the long haul in my mind and helpw to carry me for a bit long.

 

I hope you can find more such good hours/days without needing to work to make more happy/possitive memories even they are small and short.

 

Lex

I think this is great advice too - trying to find something even just a few hours that is pleasurable.  I enjoyed doing a couple of jig saws a while back, and was something I could do for just a short while and then go back to later on or another day.  It gave me quite a sense of achievement when I finished each one.  It was then that I realised that is what is severely lacking in our lives - that sense of ACHIEVEMENT.

 

You probably remember that we went away in our van for the first 2 years, and it was horrendous.  Every trip was marred with up to 5 and 6 headaches a week, incredible lethargy and muscle weakness and so on.  We didn't go away for the next 2 years, because I didn't think it was worth it, but then I got to thinking like Lex, perhaps I should just go and enjoy the 1 day a week! 

 

People tell me I should go anyway, even if I feel crap.  In fact, only yesterday, my friend reminded me of a time we went to Victoria and I had severe pressure heads every day and nausea for 7 months just about every day.  We stayed at a park that sold deep friend fish -n-chips and I vowed if I had a day the nasuea wasn't there, I was going to have that for lunch!  I got in the icy cold freezing pool every day and put my head under the water, thinking that somehow the cold might shock my head out of his stupidity of pressure!  After 5 days, the head pressure went and so did the nauseau!  So, yes, I CAN REMEMBER ONE GOOD THING about that trip!  I ordered the fisherman's basket and gorged myself silly and then too boot, I bought an ice cream, but I couldn't eat it but put it in the freezer for the next day (but can't remember what I was like the next day and if I ate it or not!)

 

I am beginning to rave on a bit, so I will continue this subject in my journal!  Anyway, all that, just to say that I hope you can find a way to do something different, and find a bit of beauty amongst the uglies.  I didn't know this, but perhaps you do, but I read this yesterday, that a diamond is nothing but a lump of coal until it comes under heat and pressure!  Wow, isn't that amazing.  Fancy not ever knowing that!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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